Donghae's loud and contagious laugh filled the whole studio.

It wasn't one of those fake or awkward chuckles - it was pure and genuine happiness. His head thrown back, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Donghae clapped his hands three times, before throwing his whole self at Hyukjae, who was sitting right next to him and observed his actions with a fond smile on his face. He was prepared - Hyukjae knew very well what's his boyfriend's next move will be, that's why he caught him, preventing both of them from falling on the hard floor. Donghae couldn't control himself at that moment, which is why his laughing face was soon inches away from Hyukjae's - their foreheads almost touching. The grip the younger had on Hyukjae's shirt was extremely strong, almost destroying the material, yet it didn't matter at that moment. Hyukjae kept looking into his boyfriend's shiny eyes, enjoying the sound of pure, child-like laughter. It was as if he couldn't move - whole world stopping for a moment with their faces so close. Hyukjae smiled wildly, ready to lean in and close the almost nonexistent distance between them in a short, yet very meaningful kiss. It was as if he was hypnotized - as if the whole world around the two of them stopped existing, when he looked into those shiny eyes of his boyfriend, as if they were together in their apartment, fooling around like they usually do, before going to sleep. 

But they weren't - they weren't alone and somebody clearing their throat in the background to bring them back on earth, to remind them of their presence, was as if someone threw a whole bucket of ice cold water at Hyukjae. He completely lost himself - his composure, his self control and it wasn't the first time. It kept happening quite often recently - the older spacing out, starring at Donghae in absolute awe, admiring his boyfriend, fondness visible on his face. The raven head couldn't control the touches - grabbing his partner's hand, playing with his fingers or caressing it gently in a comforting manner. He couldn't stop blushing at the compliments Donghae "jokingly" threw at him, or leaning in way to close in order to find a bit of comfort for himself in his boyfriend's personal space.

Hyukjae quickly shook his head, keeping the smile on his face to play it cool, while he sat back on his chair and tried to avoid the eye contact with literally everyone. Donghae - clearly unaware - kept laughing, not being able to control himself, but the raven head wanted this show to be over already. He wanted to go home - to lock himself in their apartment, feeling Donghae's strong and safe arms around him, while laying on the sofa together and watching TV.

It was getting harder and harder everyday. The whole play pretend, the treating Donghae cold and pushing him away for the sake of their future together. His heart was aching, even though the singer never - not even once - complained about it. It was hard - being a public figure in love with your band mate, your best friend who also happened to be a man. It was hard living in such homophobic country, knowing very well if they make one bad move it will ruin them and their friend's careers forever. Hyukjae felt bad, every time his boyfriend tried to hug him or cling to him during interviews, yet he had to push him away. He felt bad not being able to comfort him, while other's made fun of him and his variety skills. He felt awful, not being able to hug him and kiss his forehead after Donghae tried so hard every time they appeared on TV shows, not being able to praise him and tell him "good job, baby" instead of laughing at him with others. 

Hyukjae kept wondering - why? Why is this happening now? He kept their relationship in secret for years, so what changed? Was it because of their age? Of the sudden pressure from everyone around putting on them? Or maybe it was because of how comfortable they felt here, in this studio, while doing this radio show? Idols started reveling their relationships, showing off in public, doing interviews together - Hyukjae wanted that too. He wanted to show off his  boyfriend, he wanted to shower him with love and affection for the whole world to see and this show.. Well it allowed them to be more free, more open. They didn't have to hold back completely, moreover - the more they acted as a couple, the more positive feedback they've received. For some reason that made Hyukjae brave.

Brave to the point he almost risked it all and kissed his boyfriend for the whole world to see - he almost exposed them without thinking.

The raven head sighed, moving on to the next segment of the show. He really didn't want to be there anymore, but somehow managed. Donghae seemed oblivious, having the time of his life, while reading comments and telling exciting stories from his past. Hyukjae, on the other hand, stayed quiet - smiled and reacted when his boyfriend was talking directly to him, but he just wasn't in the right mood to be his usual self. He even let out a sigh of relief once the recording was over making his boyfriend frown. Donghae observed the other man packing all his stuff in a hurry and before he could speak up the main director cut him off.

"Hyukjae, can we talk for a second?" the raven head froze, but nodded looking down all the time, somehow guilty. Donghae tried to understand the situation and sudden change of the atmosphere. Keeping his eyes on Hyukjae, he stood up ready to follow him, when the stern voice of the director stopped him. "Not you Donghae, we need to discuss something in private"

"Just wait, Hae" it was his boyfriend's soft voice, that stopped him for snapping back. "Will be right out. Take my stuff to the car, okay?"

"Sure" he had no choice but sigh and agree, leaving his boyfriend alone in the empty studio with their director.

He looked back for the last time, only to see Hyukjae playing nervously with his finger's while the older man just sat down at the edge of the desk, right in front of the raven head. They sat in silence for a while, before the director finally decided to speak.

"What's wrong?" he asked, making Hyukjae to look at him, clearly surprised. "Why do you keep behaving as if you want your whole life to be ruined?" the idol