"Wendy unnie?" 

 

"Yes, Sooyoung-ah?" 

 

"Is.. everything okay? Uhm, between you and Joohyun unnie?" 

 

Seungwan stopped chopping the vegetables and turned to Sooyoung who was sitting across from her at the kitchen table. Since the five of them all have a free schedule, they decided to have dinner at their dorm. Joohyun and Seulgi went grocery shopping while Sooyoung stayed behind with Seungwan who started cooking whatever ingredients they had at the dorm. Yeri, on the other hand, will join them after her solo fitting. 

 

Seungwan raised her brow. "Uhm, yeah? Why? Why do you ask?" 

 

Sooyoung shrugs. "Well, it's just that.. There seems to be something different between the two of you nowadays." 

 

Seungwan chuckles and continues with what she was doing. "Unnie and I are good. Why? Does it look like we're fighting?" 

 

"No. It's not that, unnie." 

 

"What is it then?" 

 

"I don't know, unnie. It's just that.. I think I kinda expected that once you're back again with us, you two will stick with each other like glue and Joohyun unnie would always cling to you whenever, especially since, well.. since after your accident. Like it's been so long since we had you again."

 

Seungwan smiles and shakes her head. "We're still close."

 

"Yes, I can see that, unnie. But like I've said, something just feels different. It's like.. something changed though I couldn't pinpoint it."

 

Seungwan poured the chopped vegetables in a pot and started cooking it. "Maybe because something did."

 

"What?" Sooyoung frowns. "What do you mean, unnie?" 

 

Seungwan faced the younger girl and gave a short chuckle. "You said it yourself, Sooyoung-ah. It's been so long. A lot can change in that period." 

 

Now this made Sooyoung confused. "Like what, unnie?" 

 

Seungwan turned her back to her and focused on her cooking. She tried to sound as casual as possible as she shrugs her shoulders. "People's feelings?" 

 

Sooyoung gasps loudly and before Seungwan could look back at the younger girl, Sooyoung had already leapt from her seat and rushed to Seungwan's side, taking the latter's arm. 

 

Seungwan chuckles as she sees Sooyoung's wide eyes, mouth hanging open. 

 

"What?" 

 

"Unnie! You... You don't like Joohyun unnie anymore?!"

 

Sooyoung forced a smile, refusing to meet Sooyoung's eyes. "I've always been in love with Joohyun unnie, Sooyoung-ah."

 

This rendered Sooyoung speechless for a moment. She had known Seungwan's feelings but this is the first time that the older girl voiced it out directly. Seungwan might be smiling right now but it couldn't fool Sooyoung. She frowns in confusion. 

 

Seungwan's feelings for their leader are not a secret from her anymore. The second youngest of the group already knew it a few years back. In fact, Sooyoung was frustrated at first because it was obvious that her two unnies like each other romantically and yet they are being stubborn about their feelings, choosing not to do anything about it.

 

"What Joohyun unnie and I have right now is already enough." Sooyoung remembered Seungwan telling her nearly three years ago. 

 

"So what are you two then? Friends with benefits?" 

 

"What?" Seungwan laughs her off. "There's no label, Sooyoung-ah. Especially not that one."

 

"So,what? That's it, unnie? Neither of you will do anything about it?" 

 

"We don't want to complicate things, Sooyoung-ah. We're still Red velvet. And right now, this group is our priority. We don't want to do anything that could possibly ruin our group." 

 

"It's both your feelings that we're talking about here. What's more important than that?" 

 

"You three." Seungwan answered with a genuine smile. "Our group is more important to us." 

 

"But unnie-" 

 

"We understand each other's feelings, Sooyoung-ah. That's enough for us now. 

 

The two decided not to label their relationship but watching how her two unnies interact and care for each other, Sooyoung thought that Seungwan was right at some point. They understand and share each other's feelings, and as long as she could see that they are both happy, Sooyoung wouldn't question it anymore. 

 

Not until now. 

 

Is that why something feels different between her Joohyun unnie and Wendy unnie?

 

"But if you still feel the same towards Joohyun unnie, then.. what exactly do you mean by feelings can change overtime?" 

 

Seungwan chose not to answer and added another seasoning to her cooking. 

 

"Unnie-" 

 

"Guys! We're back!" 

 

Seulgi's voice interrupted Sooyoung. She looks at the two newcomers whose hands are full of grocery bags. 

 

"Unnies, you're back." Sooyoung greets the two. 

 

"We're supposed to get back earlier if not for this girl here who wants to collect every flavor of pringles she sees." Joohyun teased the girl beside her. 

 

"Yah, unnie." Seulgi lightly pushed Irene's shoulder. "You enjoyed shopping with me though." 

 

Joohyun laughs. "Yeah. Fine."

 

Sooyoung chuckles. "You guys are cute. Now let's get on with the cooking." She turned to Seungwan to inform her that they'll continue their talk later, but she soon stopped. Seungwan was looking at Joohyun and Seulgi who were getting out the items they bought. What stopped Sooyoung though was the obvious sad eyes. 

 

Sooyoung looks back to the two older girls who were laughing with each other, then to Seungwan who let out a soft sigh before getting back to her cooking. Sooyoung raised her brow in confusion, but somehow was able to put two and two together. 

 

She grabs Seungwan's arm. "Unnie." 

 

Seungwan faced her, waiting. 

 

"Is that what you meant by feelings changed?" Sooyoung whispered, gesturing her head towards Joohyun and Seulgi. 

 

Seungwan briefly glanced at the two, gave a soft smile to the younger girl, and continued cooking. "I don't know for sure, Sooyoung-ah. I didn't ask."

 

"Then, you could be wrong though?" 

 

"Yeah, maybe." Sooyoung noticed how Seungwan unconsciously gripped the spatula tighter. "But I could be right too. You said so yourself, something seemed to change."

 

"W-well, yeah.. But-" 

 

"Seungwan-ah," Joohyun went to the kitchen and stood beside Seungwan, stopping Sooyoung from talking. "Oh, you already started cooking tteokbokki?" 

 

"Yes, unnie. There were ingredients left so.." 

 

Joohyun smiled. "It smells good. Let's cook guobaorou together after that."

 

Seungwan nods a bit excitedly. 

 

"Uh, guys.." Seulgi came to the kitchen as well, holding her phone. "Yerim wants me to come and get her. Ugh that kid. She could just ask manager unnie to drive her here."

 

Joohyun laughs. "You want me to come with you?" 

 

For a moment, Seungwan was about to say something but fought against it. 

 

"Okay, let's go together, unnie." 

 

Joohyun nods. She faced Seungwan. "I'll help you cook later, Seungwan-ah. Wait for me. Okay?" 

 

Seungwan gave a small smile. "Okay, unnie." 

 

"Sooyoung-ah, help Seungwan for a while okay? Don't make a mess." 

 

Sooyoung rolled her eyes playfully. "I'm not a kid, unnie." 

 

Joohyun chuckles and ruffles Sooyoung's hair. She then went to Seulgi and the two exited the dorm. 

 

Sooyoung's eyes followed the two oldest members until they closed the door behind them. She heaved a sigh and faced Seungwan again. 

 

"Unnie, why didn't you tell me about this?" 

 

For a moment, Sooyoung felt mad about the situation, about not knowing anything at all anymore. There used to be a time when she would know everything that's happening among her members, especially with her Wendy unnie because they used to talk a lot about everything. However, after Seungwan's accident, the members moved out of the dorm one by one and since then, Sooyoung felt like there's a lot of things that she doesn't know now about her members. 

 

"Since when are you feeling like this?" 

 

Seungwan sighs as she stirred the soup.

 

"Unnie, why don't you talk to Joohyun unnie about it? Or to Seulgi unnie? I mean, if your assumptions are wrong, then you're hurting yourself for no reason at all." 

 

"I know that, Sooyoung-ah." Seungwan stopped stirring and was just staring into space. "But it's better this way for the meantime. Because if I am right, I.. I don't think I'm ready yet to handle the truth."

 

Seungwan couldn't tell when it started but the very first time she felt something was during her album cover shoot in Jeju. Joohyun and Seulgi came with her to Jeju because according to both, they wanted to cheer for her and give her support. This is her very first solo album, like her very first solo activity that she can fully say her own. Though that thought was exciting, Seungwan was more nervous. She didn't know how to do things like that without her members by her side. So when Joohyun and Seulgi told her that they'll be coming with her, Seungwan was beyond happy and grateful. The first few days in Jeju were pretty normal and good, except for the bad weather. It was also because of that that her two members couldn't stay with her at the location of the shoot and instead, the two went out to explore Jeju on their own. Seungwan understood the situation and was even glad that her members were having fun, even on their own. It was pretty normal for Seungwan at first, but she soon noticed that her two members' Jeju escapade became more frequent than usual. It even came to a point where Seungwan, despite staying in the same hotel with her members, couldn't even meet them anymore. Still, she chose not to pay attention to it.

 

However, Seungwan soon noticed that as time passed, her Joohyun unnie and her best friend seemed to be getting closer than they already have. Red velvet members don't rank their closeness with one another, but Seungwan had always felt and believed that what Joohyun and her had, is something special, one that isn't comparable to their closeness to the other members. But with how Joohyun and Seulgi are behaving for the past months, Seungwan couldn't help but think that it is not the same anymore, and even closer to think that she was not sharing the same feelings with Joohyun anymore because the latter had already something going on with Seulgi.

 

And Seungwan doesn't hold it against them. She was hurt, but she was never angry. She has always thought that even if Joohyun falls for somebody else, she has no right to get mad about it because it was their decision (mostly her) to not put any label to their relationship or put any action to their feelings years ago. But most importantly, her members' happiness is her priority. Seulgi is her best friend and though they always tease each other, Seungwan loves her a lot. And of course, her Joohyun unnie whom Seungwan cherishes more than anything. If these two important persons in her life found happiness in each other, then Seungwan was more than willing to take all the hurt. 

 

Besides, it was not like her and Joohyun were avoiding each other. Their hangouts and conversations were not as frequent as it was before but just like what she had told Sooyoung, she and Joohyun are still close.  

 

Seungwan's thoughts were interrupted when her cell phone rang, signalling a new message. Usually, Seungwan wouldn't pay attention to it, others are used to her replying late anyway. But Seungwan recognized the ringtone. It was the one she set specifically for Joohyun's message and call. Being the whipped girl she is, Seungwan washed-dried her hands and reached for her phone, ignoring Sooyoung's knowing look.

 

Seungwan-ah, are you okay? You seemed bothered earlier. Is there a problem?

 

The message read. Ah of course, Seungwan thought, Joohyun could read her like an open book.

 

All's good, unnie. I just got a bit confused with the recipe. Seungwan lied. 

 

Beside her, Seungwan heard a deep sigh from Sooyoung. Seungwan knows the younger girl is probably aware of who she was texting.

 

"This is the reason why I told you before that just having mutual feelings is not enough, unnie. Labels are important."

 

Just then, her phone rang once more. 

 

Wait for me then. I'll help so don't overwork yourself. 

 

Despite everything, Seungwan was still glad that they are still the same Joohyun and Seungwan to each other. Joohyun is still her ever sweet, caring and supportive unnie who would always watch and listen to her radio almost everyday, and who would without fail, laughs wholeheartedly to her silly jokes and antics. So, Seungwan was content and happy with that, even without the mutual feelings involved.

 

I will, unnie. Tell Ddeulgi to drive safely. We'll wait for the three of you.

 

Once her message was sent, Seungwan pocketed it and leaned back to the counter. She recalls Sooyoung's words from earlier and she believes it now too. So this is why labels are important. But it was already late for that.

 

"Unnie." Sooyoung pats her shoulder and from the way the younger girl was looking at her, Seungwan was sure the latter already knows what she was thinking. "Talk to them when you're ready, okay? But please don't take long. There's still a possibility that you're mistaken so don't hurt yourself long enough."

 

Seungwan can only nod at this. Sooyoung then hugs her, rubbing her back.

 

"But while you're still not ready, you can just talk to me anytime."

 

Seungwan managed a smile. She pats Sooyoung back. "I know, Sooyoung-ah."

 

---

 

A month passed and Seungwan and Seulgi were in the practice room. Their choreographer and the other dancers left but Seungwan asked for more time to practice their new choreography for their next comeback so Seulgi decided to stay with her. An hour later, Seungwan dropped her body to the ground, catching her breath, but with a smile on her face as she finally caught up with the choreography. 

 

Seulgi walks up to her, handing Seungwan a bottle of water. 

 

"Satisfied with yourself now?" Seulgi grins.

 

"Definitely." Seungwan smiled widely as she opened the mineral water and chugs from it. "Thanks for staying behind for me, Ddeul."

 

"Of course." Seulgi answers, taking a seat beside Seungwan. "We're business friends, right?"

 

Seungwan laughs, giving Seulgi a high-five.

 

"But on a serious note, don't push yourself too hard, Wan-ah. You're already so booked these days. You still have your radio later, right?"

 

"Ah, right." Seungwan stretches her arms. "Don't worry. I still have enough time to rest before that."

 

Seulgi nods approvingly. "You should."

 

Seungwan pats Seulgi's legs. The latter, knowing what Seungwan wanted, straightens her legs and Seungwan lies down, using Seulgi's legs as her pillow. She closes her eyes and Seulgi just lets her, giving Seungwan time to rest.

 

A few minutes or so, Seulgi's phone in her pocket vibrated, interrupting Seungwan's nap. The main vocalist groans lightly.

 

"Ddeul.."

 

"Sorry." Seulgi caresses Seungwan's hair and gets the ringing phone in her pocket. "Oh, it's Joohyun unnie."

 

Seungwan tried hard not to open her eyes and react differently. Instead, she just hums in acknowledgement.

 

"Hi, unnie!" Seulgi answered the phone. "We're still at the practice room." "Yes, I'm with Seungwan." A laugh. "No, we're done with the practice, unnie. Just taking a rest before going home." "Oh, today?" "Yes, I'm free. Sure, let's go together, unnie."

 

Ah, so they're going out together. Seungwan thought. Again.

 

 "Okay. I'll see you in a while, unnie. Bye."

 

Still with her eyes closed, Seungwan felt Seulgi dropping the call and placing the device on the floor.

 

"Joohyun unnie and I will have our fitting today." 

 

Seungwan nods. "Do you need to go now?"

 

Seungwan felt Seulgi shake her head. "Not yet."

 

Just then, Seungwan remembered Sooyoung's words. She got to talk to either or both of them sooner or later. Seungwan was not sure if this is a perfect time for that but she knows that she could talk to Seulgi about it more than to Joohyun. And today seems like an opportunity for that. Besides, Sooyoung is right. She might be wrong about this. 

 

"Ddeul?" 

 

Seungwan hears Seulgi opening a bottle of water. "Yes, Wan-ah?" 

 

Seungwan mentally encouraged herself to ask the question that has been bothering her for almost a year now. She decided to keep her eyes closed though, afraid that Seulgi will see the hurt in them once she opens it and Seulgi answers her question.

 

"You and Joohyun unnie.." Seungwan tries so hard to sound as casual as she can. "Are you two seeing each other?"

 

Seungwan had expected that she would be met by silence. What she didn't expect though is to have drops of water splashed on her face and arms as Seulgi spits them out in shock. 

 

"Ddeul, eww." Seungwan sat up and wiped her face.

 

"Oops, Sorry, Wannie." Seulgi grins apologetically, helping Seungwan to wipe herself. 

 

Seungwan shakes her head at her clumsy best friend. "Are you that surprised that I knew?"

 

"Eh? What?"

 

"You don't have to overreact." Seungwan answers, still trying to wipe herself. There's no more spilled water on her but it was her excuse not to meet Seulgi's eyes. "I just asked because I was curious. And you don't need to worry about it. We live in a modern time. I got no problem with it. Well, the maknaes might be shocked at first but I'm sure they'll easily accept it as well."

 

"Wan-"

 

"But of course, you've got to be careful." Seungwan didn't let Seulgi interrupt her. She made a wrong move. Once the question had been let out, Seungwan realized that she was still not ready for it. And so, she tries not to let Seulgi talk and answer her. "Personally, there's nothing wrong with what you two have, but we're still idols and the world can be cruel to us. So, just be careful, okay?" Seungwan stood, dusting her jeans. "But don't worry. I always got your backs."

 

"Hey, Wannie, wait." Seulgi immediately stood as well, grabbing Seungwan's hand. "I don't understand. You must have got-"

 

Just in time to save Seungwan, their manager unnie knocks and peeks in. "Wendy, we have to go. Are you ready?"

 

Seungwan couldn't be more grateful enough for her perfect timing. "Uh, yes, unnie. I'll be there." She faced a still confused Seulgi and patted her shoulder. "Ddeul, I'll go ahead first. Young street."

 

Seulgi nods. Before Seungwan could walk away, Seulgi grabs her arm. "We'll talk about this. Okay, Wannie?"

 

Seungwan forced a smile. "Yeah, sure."

 

But Seulgi was still hesitant to let her go. “Wannie, are you okay?”

 

Seungwan was no actress and she doesn’t intend to be one, but she gives her best shot in acting this time. She grinned widely. “I am, of course.”

 

No. Seungwan is far from being okay. In fact, if she could, she would just go home and mull over inside her bedroom. Unfortunately, she can’t, for she has her radio recording and live to finish. It was hard to function properly when your heart is breaking but her almost eight years in the industry taught her professionalism. Music has always been her therapy and luckily, she has her radio show where she gets to sing live at least once or twice a week. This way, she could pour out all her emotions and heartbreak in singing without anyone suspecting her of going through something. 

 

So for today’s live, she chose to sing the pain away.

 

Why is it so hard for you?

To properly see me trying?

 

I get shocked to see

How much I can hurt because of you

My days are a struggle

Even my dreams are painful

 

It if was you, how would it be?

If these crazy days

Became yours?

 

If you break down as much as me

Will you know?

All the pain that fills me

To the point where my heart is about to explode

How much I want you?

 

If I was you

I would just love me. (Please, unnie.)

 

My heart is endlessly down in the ground

I’m afraid of everything that surrounds me

 

They say you’ll be happy when you fall in love

Who said that?

Because I only know a love

That looks at you from behind (Will you look back at me again?)

 

It if was you, how would it be?

If these crazy days

Became yours?

 

If you break down as much as me

Will you know?

All the pain that fills me

To the point where my heart is about to explode

How much I want you?

 

I know you already answered me

I know the meaning of an answerless answer

But I pretend not to know and I’m lingering

 

Do you know how I’m doing these days?

I can’t even fall asleep

I can’t even swallow anything

 

Do you know that I’m becoming more ruined

As I look at you?

I feel like dying

Even though there’s no way you’ll come to me

Even though I know you’re looking somewhere else (Even though you’re with her now.)

 

I don’t think I can let go of you. (I don’t think I can, unnie.)

 

—

 

Seungwan was leaning on her couch, staring at her phone. Earlier today, when she was on the way home from her Young street broadcast, she received a text message from Joohyun. 

 

Seungwan, text me once you get home.

 

After getting home and taking a bath, Seungwan had been staring at the said message for a few minutes now. Seungwan was sure of two things. One, Joohyun would probably want to talk to her about something, because their leader doesn’t text like that. And two, Joohyun had watched her live radio earlier, which includes her live singing. Putting two and two together, Seungwan thinks that Joohyun would ask and talk to her about it, which would probably lead to them talking about their status or whatever it is that has been going on between them, or if there is still any. But Seungwan knows she isn’t ready for that yet, that’s why she escaped Seulgi’s questioning earlier that day. However, Seungwan also knows that she couldn’t avoid this or Joohyun forever, especially Joohyun. That unnie knows what she wants and will do what she wants. So, with a deep breath, Seungwan accepted defeat.

 

I’m home, unnie. What’s up?

 

Not a minute after her text had been sent, Seungwan received an incoming call from Joohyun. Clearing , Seungwan answers the call nervously. “Unnie?”

 

“Was that for me?”

 

Seungwan nearly choked on her own saliva. Joohyun is as straightforward as ever, but Seungwan thought she couldn’t be talking about the song she did. Right?

 

“That song earlier. Was that for me?”

 

Or not. 

 

Damn.

 

“Seungwan.”

 

“U-unnie?” Seungwan stutters. Because really, how could she answer that question? 

 

Seungwan heard Joohyun sigh from the other line. “Will you please answer my question?”

 

Now, how would Seungwan answer that? Yes, it’s for you. And now that you know what I truly feel, then what? Will you apologize because our feelings are not mutual as it was before? Will you finally put a label on it and draw a line? Will you tell me that you and Seulgi are-

 

“Seungwan-ah..” There was a pleading in her voice, one that breaks Seungwan even more. “Please.”

 

Seungwan clenched her fist. Joohyun was almost pleading and she doesn’t deserve that. Taking a deep breath, Seungwan nods to herself.

 

“Yes, unnie.” Seungwan grits her teeth and shuts her eyes. “That was for you.”

 

Seungwan was met by silence and if not for the sound of the cool breeze of air in the background, she would think that Joohyun already ended the call. Now that Seungwan paid attention to it, Joohyun seems to be walking outdoors. Seungwan opens her eyes and frowns.

 

“Unnie? Are you still out at this time?”

 

Now it’s Joohyun who is not answering.

 

“It’s already late, unnie. Do you still have a schedule? Where are you?”

 

Still, Joohyun didn’t answer and the only thing Seungwan could make out from the sound she’s hearing from the other line is the older girl’s quick breaths as her steps keep going faster.

 

“Joohyunnie, where-”

 

“Open the door, Seungwan.”

 

“What? W-what door?”

 

“Your door, Seungwan.” Seungwan could see Joohyun rolling her eyes at that statement. “Open your door. I’m outside.”

 

Seungwan’s eyes almost bulged out as she looked at her door in reflex. “Unnie, what.. What did you say?”

 

“Yah, Son Seungwan!” 

 

Seungwan flinched. Joohyun’s voice is very clear and she knows it’s not because the older girl is shouting, but because her voice is coming from somewhere very near. 

 

“Seungwan-ah, it’s cold.” She heard Joohyun’s voice again, this time accompanied by her doorbell ringing. “Open up.”

 

Seungwan rushed towards the door and with a shaking hand, she unlocked and opened it. “Unnie, what-”

 

Her words were left unfinished as she was silenced by Joohyun’s lips on her. Seungwan’s eyes widened at first in shock but upon realizing that it was indeed happening, she closed her eyes and melted into the kiss, and soon found herself kissing Joohyun back. Too absorbed into the kiss, their bodies moved along until the back of Seungwan’s head hit the wall with a thud, the sound made the two stop.

 

“Ouch.”

 

“Sorry.” Joohyun whispers gently into her ear, with the latter’s hand caressing the back of her head. “Does it hurt?”

 

“It’s okay no-” It was just then that Seungwan opened her eyes and was met by Joohyun’s soft ones, looking at her with a gentle smile on her face. Suddenly, Seungwan remembered the kiss and her eyes popped out once more, her fingers going up to trace her lips.

 

“U-un-unnie..”

 

Surprisingly, Joohyun laughs at her. “You’re so cute, Seungwan-ah.” She pinched her cheeks.

 

“D-did we just..” Seungwan gulps, in nervousness or anticipation, she was not sure. “-kiss?”

 

“What? You think that was just a dream?” Joohyun faked a frown. “Did you hit your head hard?”

 

“Joohyunnie..” Seungwan half whines. She doesn’t have time for jokes. 

 

Still with that gentle smile on her face, Joohyun takes a hold of her hand. “Should we finally talk about us now, Seungwan-ah?”

 

Seungwan let Joohyun pull her into the couch, guiding her to sit down. Joohyun followed suit and sat beside Seungwan.

 

 “I’m sorry, Seungwan-ah.” Joohyun started. Seungwan looks at her and the latter’s playful smile earlier was now replaced by a guilty smile. “I was a coward.”

 

Seungwan stares and listens. 

 

“Well, in my defense, you’re a coward too, I know that now.” Joohyun tried to grin. “But yeah, I’m older, and uh, though you act like you are, I think I’m actually the bolder one between the two of us.” Joohyun caresses Seungwan’s hand on her own. “So, I really should have just spoken up before. Then maybe, we haven’t wasted our time and who knows, we could be celebrating our 1st or 2nd year now.” Joohyun laughs, a bit nervous and awkward.

 

“Unnie.. I don’t understand.” Seungwan had an idea what Joohyun was saying but she couldn’t let her hopes up, not until she was sure.

 

Joohyun drew a deep breath. “We really haven’t talked about us before. Right? We just know that we shared the same feelings and back then, we felt that what we had was already enough. No commitments, no labels, no drawing of lines. Just those mutual feelings. I really didn’t question it before because I’ve always thought that it’s what you wanted- to leave it at that.”

 

Seungwan had to admit that back then, she thought it was the best decision.

 

“I was fine with that as well.” Joohyun continued. “But then your accident happened. It was..” She heaved a sigh. “It was your accident but it was my darkest time.” Joohyun tried to laugh but failed. Seungwan squeezed Joohyun’s hand.

 

“It was then that I realized.. that I don’t want what we had, because I want something more. I- I want us to be something more. I wanted to be the one who holds you and takes care of you, not because I’m your leader but because..you’re mine.” 

 

Seungwan was surprised. She hadn't thought that Joohyun was feeling that way.

 

“And the more I see you.. The more I spend time with you, my desire to be with you just keeps on growing. But I’ve always thought that you didn’t want to go there, or you were not ready yet. And I can’t be selfish. I couldn’t ask that of you.”

 

Seungwan finally understood. She nods and gives Joohyun a teasing glare. "That's why you avoided me?"

 

"What?" Joohyun slaps Seungwan's shoulder. "I never did that! I just.. Well, I just had to tone down my clinginess towards you. I felt like I had to set some boundaries because whenever I'm with you, like I've said, my feelings for you keep growing. And I mean, you understand right? I also have to guard my heart."

 

Seungwan nods. Now it's becoming clear what went wrong between them.

 

"And more especially because you keep flirting with different girls!" Joohyun glared at her. "Especially with your female guests on your radio."

 

"W-what? I never flirted, unnie!"

 

"You did! Ugh! That's why I really thought you don't want to be in a relationship with me."

 

"I did not! I was just…" Seungwan gulps as Joohyun's glare are becoming more murderous. "I was just being friendly."

 

“You let someone call you baby! Then you invited another girl over to your house to bake. And take note, you only met her for the first time in the parlor and you already have her number??” Joohyun lightly slaps Seungwan’s shoulder once more. “You call that friendly? And since when were you that friendly?”

 

Seungwan pouts and rubs her shoulder though it didn’t even hurt. “But what can I do? I really thought that you and Seulgi have a thing already.”

 

“Yah, are you crazy? Seulgi is like a sister to me and more importantly, she’s your best friend.” Joohyun shakes her head. “Seulgi told me about your conversation earlier at the practice room, you know.”

 

Seungwan lowers her head.

 

“She was confused and shocked.” Joohyun continued. “Well, we never really talked about you and my feelings but I guess she has always known that there’s something between the two of us. In her own words, the two of us are pretty obvious.” 

 

Seungwan couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

 

“So imagine how confused she was when you asked her if we are together.” Joohyun laughs as well, shaking her head. “But more than that, I think she felt guilty.”

 

Seungwan raised her brow. Seulgi shouldn’t feel that way. “Why?”

 

“She thinks that she had unknowingly hurt you. You’re her best friend, Seungwan-ah, and she loves you just as much as you love her. So, she feels sad and guilty about it.”

 

Seungwan sighs. “I’ll apologize and talk to her.”

 

Joohyun smiled and caressed Seungwan’s hand once more. “What made you even think that we’re seeing each other?”

 

Seungwan lowers her head and answers in whispers, making Joohyun chuckle.

 

“What did you say?”

 

Seungwan sighs. “Your Jeju trip.”

 

“What?” Joohyun laughs in disbelief. “But we went there to support you and watch over you!”

 

“Your fans call it your honeymoon trip, you know?” Seungwan pouted. “So I started to think that you just went there so you can spend time with each other.”

 

“What? Yah!” Joohyun nudges Seungwan’s shoulder, urging the latter to look at her. “Seriously?”

 

Seungwan hesitantly nods. “And it was obvious that you two became even more close after that. You always choose to hang out with her, instead of with me.” Seungwan lowers her voice at the last sentence.

 

Joohyun tugs at Seungwan’s hand. “And I’ve already explained why, right?” 

 

Once again, Seungwan nods.

 

“And it was not like I always choose Seulgi.” Joohyun explained. “It’s just that among the three of them, Seulgi was always the available one. You know that girl can’t just really say no.”

 

Seungwan had to smile at that. 

 

“So, are we clear about that already?”

 

Seungwan smiled shyly. “I’m sorry, unnie.”

 

Joohyun smiled too and shook her head, dismissing Seungwan’s apology.

 

“I can’t believe we let this drag on for so long.” Seungwan laughs. “You’re right, unnie. I guess we’re both cowards.”

 

“Well, we have our reasons, and I think those are valid.” Joohyun grins. “ But yeah, we became cowards back there.”

 

“Now that reminds me, what are you doing here, unnie? I mean, what made you man up?”

 

“Ah, that? Well.. When Seulgi told me about your question to her earlier, a part of me thought that you were asking because you were jealous, and it gave me some hope that maybe, things can finally fall into place.” Joohyun smiles sheepishly. 

 

“But what made me run here to you, was your singing earlier.” Joohyun looks at Seungwan, a bit serious this time. “I know that you always pour your heart out every time you sing. But earlier, it was just different. All I can feel is your plea..and pain. Then I recall what Seulgi told me and it made me think that maybe, as much as it pains me, that you were singing it for me.” 

 

Joohyun then gives Seungwan a soft smile. “But I tried to think of it positively. That if you were really singing it for me, then it only means that you- like what your lyrics were earlier- you want me to love you.”

 

Seungwan’s face reddens and Joohyun had to laugh at it. 

 

“So I rushed here and thankfully, I was right. Although,” Joohyun gave a sad smile. “I really didn’t like the part where you sang of being hurt so much. And if that’s how you were really feeling all this while,” Joohyun cups Seungwan’s cheek. “I’m really sorry, Seungwan-ah. I should have known, I shouldn’t have let it. I should have-”

 

“Unnie.” Seungwan leans into the touch and holds Joohyun’s hand on her cheek. “I’m sorry too.” She gave a cheeky grin. “We’re both cowards. Remember?”

 

Joohyun laughs.

 

“But you proved once again that you’re stronger than I am.” Seungwan continued. “Thank you, unnie.”

 

“So?” Joohyun caresses her cheek. “What does this make us now?”

 

“Really, unnie?” Seungwan faked a frown. “You barged in into my house, kissed me- take note- aggressively, oh, which was our very first kiss by the way, and now, you were asking me what does that make us?”

 

“Yah!” Joohyun takes back her hand and slaps Seungwan on the shoulder once again.

 

“Ow, unnie. So violent.” Seungwan jokingly leans back and crosses her hands over her shoulder, as if shielding her body.

 

Rolling her eyes, Joohyun stood and attempted to walk away, only for Seungwan to grab her arm.

 

“I’m just joking, unnie.” Seungwan stood too and looked Joohyun in the eye, one hand still holding the older girl while the other was up on the latter’s cheek. 

 

“I’ve learned my lessons. I don’t want to be someone whom you just share the same feelings to.” Seungwan was actually feeling shy but she wants to be courageous too this time. “Like you, I also want to be able to call you mine.” Seungwan gulps nervously. “Please be my girlfriend, unnie?”

 

Joohyun couldn’t help but laugh. “Why are you even nervous?”

 

“Of course, unnie! I’m asking the love of my life to finally be my girlfriend! How can I not be nervous?”

 

“You said so yourself, I already kissed you- in your own words- aggressively, right? You should have already known what my answer would be.”

 

“Joohyunnie…” Seungwan whines. “Will you just please answer my question?”

 

Laughing, Joohyun cups both of Seungwan’s cheeks. She stares at Seungwan’s eyes and down to her lips. Joohyun slowly leans in and kisses Seungwan, gently this time. Joohyun was the first to parted their lips and gave Seungwan her brightest smile ever.

 

“Yes, Seungwan-ah. I would gladly be your girlfriend.”

 

Seungwan has a foolish smile on her face as her heart swells  with joy. It felt good to finally be able to call Joohyun hers. Her girlfriend was right. Seungwan couldn’t believe that they wasted so much time just because they were afraid of ruining what they already have. 

 

But Seungwan learned that sometimes, you really just got to take that risk. And though Joohyun was the one who took the risk for them, Seungwan promised herself that she would take all risks just to protect and keep her relationship with Joohyun.

 

After all, she had always believed that Joohyun is worth taking the risk for. She was just too much of a coward to take action on that before but now that she has her Joohyun unnie, Seungwan felt bolder and stronger. And she will keep being that way- for Joohyun and her. 

 

Fin.