(IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU PROCEED)

Note: Any sentences that are centered, italicized, and underlined between the horizontal lines are Winter’s thoughts in the present (Year 2021) as she recalled her past throughout the story. Think of it like, you are inside her mind in the present year and she’s narrating the things happened in her life and she’s giving her personal thoughts about it as the story from the past progresses until up to where she is right now. I also indicated the current year you are reading in the chapter title, so you won’t get confused about the timeline of story.

They said that there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out. I have the biggest secret yet to reveal. I always have. A kind of secret that I don’t dare to let out – a kind of secret that not everybody can understand. But it doesn’t matter anymore in a matter of hours.

Being engaged and finally getting married is a kind of secret that I want to keep in for few more days at least, but it’s not the biggest secret that I wanted to reveal. As I recall how did I began ending up keeping this biggest secret hidden in my closet my whole life.

I still remember every detail vividly. I’m a street smart, independent, go-getter, and cunning student, and she’s a lowkey genius, perfectionist, highly creative, earnest student in our senior year in high school in the year of 1996. The first day of our unexpected fateful encounter.

“Alright. Any more suggestions?” the student council president asked, scanning at the other officers’ faces for more ideas. Standing beside him, was the secretary where she jotted down anything that they were talking about for the school’s upcoming school sports festival in few weeks from now.

It’s after class hours and they’ve been in the meeting for almost an hour. Everyone in the student council room were focused enough to contribute something – everyone, except Winter Kim; as she kept looking discreetly at the clock hanging on the wall in her direction, sitting impatiently as the time passed by as her feet were getting restless, uncontrollably shaking her legs under the table.

Well, technically, to set the record straight. Winter was not officially a member of the Student Council; she never wanted to have any position with a huge responsibility in to begin with. The only reason she was there was because she was asked to by her room advisor – she was assigned as one of the staffs or helpers of the student council for any school activities that needed more manpower – because she didn’t try to join any other school club after attempting to audition for their school’s theater club.

Winter always wanted to join the theater club ever since she transferred to this school year. She tried to audition to be part of the pack, but it seemed like the universe wasn’t on her side when she learned that the theater club no longer accepted new applicants because they were already full; where in fact, the truth was her best friend told her that those bratty, feeling entitled, mean-spirited divas and divos star students of the theater club who watched her audition, whispered to each as they ridiculed Winter, that she couldn’t act and didn’t have any features to have that star quality that’s why she got rejected.

No matter how strong a person could be, sometimes words could still cut through in everyone’s metal armor. Winter could be lying if she told them that those harsh criticisms didn’t hurt her at all – because it’s sure painful the hell it was. But no matter what other people said about her, no matter how painful it was, Winter would never stop chasing her dreams to become a great and famous actress someday.

This made herself drove more towards her passion in acting by working part time in a grill restaurant as a dishwasher after school and student council duties if she had one; to earn extra money aside from her daily allowances for her acting class workshop every weekends. Her parents didn’t know about it because she knew her mother would never approve, even though her parents were once famous, especially her mother, during at the peak of their former respective careers.

Her mother was once a rising actress during the 1960s. But her prime days got cut short when she was involved in a scandal that costed her entire promising career when she got pregnant out of wedlock. Hence, she didn’t receive any projects after that. Knowing how conservative people were during those times, just one harmless mistake, they could cancel anyone out – just like what happened to her mother. Even though that happened, her mother never saw Winter as a biggest mistake, but a biggest blessing. That’s why Winter understood her mother’s disapproval if ever she would attempt to enter the show business industry one day for it could be the cruelest and loneliest place anyone could ever be, because her mother herself, experienced it beforehand.

Sighing quietly, every word she was hearing during this meeting were all just coming inside in her ear and just coming out on the other at the same time, where her brain had no more will power to process any more of it. Until suddenly, she saw Ningning’s head peeking out on the small window attached in the door, searching for her. When they’re eyes finally met, her best friend mouthed the words ‘Winter! We need to go now or else we’re going to be late.”, as Ningning tapped her wristwatch while showing it to her, emphasizing that they were in a hurry.

Winter nodded quietly, indicating that she understood the urgency. She quickly formulated ways in her mind on how she’s going to excuse herself in this dreaded meeting that she didn’t want to be part of in the first place without being disrespectful, but no matter how hard she thought, it would only come down to one thing – her secret weapon.

Preparing herself for a quick show, Winter loosened up the collar of her uniform, leaning forward a bit to make sure that everyone in the room could see her.  She fanned herself using her hand indicating that she was feeling hot with a bit of an acting that she wasn’t feeling well; those were the first few steps. Now, all Winter needed to do was to wait for someone to notice her so it would look natural. Finally, she caught the attention of the vice-president, asking her if she was okay. Winter weakly shook her head – until she completely captured everyone’s eyes on her – she began to count quietly in her head. Three… two… one.

As she closed her eyes, pretending to be unconscious. She let her body to go with the pull of the gravity because she believed someone would catch her (that’s the purpose of gaining anyone’s attention first so that if she would fall, she’s sure someone would be there for her) – and true enough, her few clubmates caught her before she could even kiss the ground… literally.

Everyone in the room began to panic, just like what Winter expected to happen, giving her enough space to breathe as they carefully laid her on the floor. Winter waited for a short while before she pretended that she gained consciousness again. And when she did, she slowly opened her eyes, as her few clubmates helped her to stand up. Her investments in an acting workshop every weekend, were surely paying off, Winter thought.

“I think you should go to the clinic,” the student council president suggested.

“I think so too,” Winter said above whisper, clearing , as she leaned her back on the wall, looking convincingly sick. “You don’t have to worry about me. I can go there by myself. Please continue the meeting without me. I’m really sorry for the trouble I’ve caused,” Winter bowed profusely.

“It’s fine. You don’t need to apologize. We will just update you in our group chat what are the things you’ve missed. You should go to the clinic now.”

Slinging her bag on her back, Winter headed to the door, bowing one last time before shutting it. “Thank you and I’m sorry again,” she said apologetically in a very convincing way.

Winter walked slowly in the hallway for she knew everyone inside the room was still watching her. But after she passed by three empty classrooms on her way, she quickly ran to Ningning who’s waiting for her at the end of the corridor. Her best friend joined her as they ran together.

“You’re really good at this. I can’t believe you pulled this once again,” Ningning laughed.

“Of course. If you want to get ahead or if you want to escape something, faking a faint is one of the effective ways to achieve it. That’s my secret weapon,” Winter proudly smirked, as her best friend shook her head in disbelief and amusement at the same time. When they reached the school grounds, they quickly hopped on their own bikes and went their way to a film production company couple minutes away from their school.

“I’m glad we reached the studio before the cut-off,” Ningning sighed in ease, as they were sitting on the last row for the queue in line for the pre-screening audition for a commercial shoot of a popular toothpaste brand. There were a lot of teens wanted to audition who were also sitting beside them, practicing their bright and energetic facial expressions and body language. Everyone was so busy around them, especially the crew, who moved a lot from one place to another. The casting team was looking for young and charming high school students for the role. That’s why when Ningning heard about it, she never hesitated to share it with Winter, so they tested their luck by auditioning for the role.

They were best friends ever since they were young kids, and they both like playing pretend in which they both had the same dreams when they grew up older. Even though Winter’s family moved houses due to her father’s work during her first two years of high school, their communication remained constant. When they’re now in their senior year, Winter came back to their hometown and transferred to the school where Ningning was currently enrolled at. During those years they were apart, Ningning auditioned for the theater club in her freshman year, and luckily, she got accepted; those were the years that everyone was still friendly and approachable. When Winter came back, she recommended her to her theater clubmates, but these were the times that the brats were ruling the club. Hence, Winter didn’t get accepted, but that never stopped her achieving her dreams.

“Yup. I’m almost out of breath from the adrenaline rush,” Winter wiped off the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand, slowly regaining her normal breathing pattern. “I thought we’re not going to make it here because the president of the student council talks a lot about nonsense. That’s why we’re always taking so long with every meeting when it doesn’t have to be,” she complained.

Ningning scooted closer, teasing her. “But you know, I think the president of the student council has a crush on you. He always pays attention a lot to you, and he looks at you in a special kind of way. Plus, he’s always the one to rescue you first every time you passed out,” she cleared . “I mean, every time you’re faking your passing out.”

Winter chuckled, shrugging her shoulders in disbelief. “I don’t think so.”

Nudging her arms lightly, Ningning more. “Come on. Don’t be so naïve. I know you know that you are so pretty, I know that - everyone knows that, even my dog knows that. You maybe sometimes come off as a snob and unapproachable because of your resting face,” she commented as Winter nodded in approval, smiling. “And I know you are talented. I must admit that you are even more talented than me,” Ningning complimented, as they both smiled at each other. “But hey, he’s like a prince charming. He’s smart, tall, handsome, and a true gentleman. I think you two will look good together. To be honest.”

“Well, you’re right. He’s a decent guy,” Winter contemplated. “But I’m not interested in dating at this age. I have a different priority, and that priority is to build my career as an actress. And I believe falling in love so early in my career can be a great hindrance,” she rested the side of her head on her best friend’s shoulder. “So, if I can set aside love until I’m gray and old just for the sake of my career, then I will do it,” Winter half-joked. Ningning laughed with her, but deep down she knew that Winter was really an ambitious person, and she would do everything just to get what she really wanted even if it costed her own happiness, or unintentionally hurt people because of her decisions along the way – because what she really wanted was to become a great and famous actress.

To be honest, Winter had no ideal guy to date someday because she just didn’t have one. She just really didn’t have any interest in dating at this age; she never even thought about it. She never even imagined having a husband that would provide for her in the future, and all she would do the rest of her life was to be a housewife and took care of the kids. There’s nothing wrong about it though; this was just how everyone thought about building a family in the 1990s, but Winter thought about it differently. She made a stand that if everyone dictated that this was how she would live her life in the future, then she would rather die single. It’s too early for her to thought about these things, so she really had no idea what she should expect in having a partner in life for a lifetime. But no matter how strong her opinions were, Winter still believed in love. She believed that if love came for her no matter what the time and situation were, then let it come, for she understood love shouldn’t be chased – that love is love, it’s what it is.

“By the way, I really need to go to the restroom. Do you want to come with me? Or do you need something I can get you?” Ningning asked as they broke the side hug.

“No. I’m good. Thanks. But, if you can fetch me some water along the way, it will be highly appreciated,” Winter smiled.

Her best friend stood up. “Alright. I’ll be back quick,” as she made her way somewhere where Winter couldn’t see her anymore in the crowd.

Alone with her thoughts, Winter was just watching the sea of people in the huge room mindlessly, preparing her state of mind for the audition later. But few minutes had already passed, Ningning was taking time too long somewhere, and she could feel was drying up, so Winter decided to find her as well as to find something free to drink by asking some of the staff, which one of them gave her directions to the snacks and refreshments station couple of rooms away. Winter made her way there without getting lost, the room was quite small and partially dimmed due to some lights that were burned out, and few were flickering. Since it’s just a small room for props storage, and snacks and drinks station, the utility and crew didn’t pay attention to it that much.

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