Kyungsoo felt stupid in his Halloween costume. He unsuccessfully tried to switch costumes multiple times. In the end, Seung-wan prevailed. 

 

His mom had helped him dye and style his hair into a bouffant. “Oh, sweetie,” she said. Kyungsoo could tell she was stifling her laughter. “You look precious!”

 

His brother and dad were less subtle, opting to bring out their phones and take pictures of the poor boy. Seung-wan’s mom dropped her off at his house which only made it worse. 

 

“Okay, Wendy. Get on his back so he can carry you,” Seungsoo instructed. 

 

“Enough. We’re gonna be late for the party.” It was 7:00 p.m. and Kyungsoo wanted to get it over with. 

 

If he thought his family was bad, his friends were just as unfavorable. 

 

“Oh, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun started. “It’s really a treat seeing you in a relationship, but this… this takes the cake…”

 

His other friends joined in on the fun. The best part of the night was seeing Minseok and Junmyeon. Or the second best. The best best part was seeing Jongin, although he wasn’t quite sure who he was supposed to be. It was the complete opposite of Kyungsoo’s situation. EVERYONE recognized Kyungsoo’s costume. Kyungsoo was upset at himself for letting Seung-wan talk him into the ridiculous  costume. It made him take it out on her. 

 

“Why are you HERE when I want you over THERE?” He pointed to her friends. 

 

“Babe, no one can tell who I am without you.”

 

“Maybe you should have thought of that when you planned this. Now, go. I’ll get us some drinks.”

 

Seung-wan obeyed Kyungsoo’s orders.

 

After half an hour of mingling and getting made fun of, Kyungsoo made his way over to Jongin who was sitting alone in a corner. Kyungsoo had no impulsion of getting his girlfriend a drink.

 

Jongin beamed when he saw Kyungsoo. “Hey, Edward Cullen. Did you bring your Volvo tonight?”

 

If it had been someone else, such a comment would have warranted an beating from Kyungsoo. “At least people can clock who I am, who are YOU supposed to be?”

 

“I’m supposed to be Alain Delon? But of course none of these uncultured swines would know about it.” Jongin pouted.

 

Kyungsoo didn’t know who it was, either, but he could tell it bothered Jongin. 

 

“I wanna go home,” Jongin whispered. 

 

Kyungsoo sat down next to him. “You need to stop putting yourself in these situations solely to see the guy you like. You look uncomfortable as .” 

 

“At least I get to see you.” Jongin stalled. “I rather be passing out candy,” he said truthfully. 

 

Kyungsoo didn’t second guess himself. “Okay, spider monkey, let’s go.”

 

“Wha-? What about Bella?”

 

“She’s by the fire pit.“

 

“Will you pick her up later?”

 

“She can walk home. The fresh air will do her good.”

 

Jongin looked around. “This is why I stopped talking to you a couple months ago. I don’t want to get in the way of your relationship.”

 

“You’re not. Now c’mon. I’m boiling in this peacoat.”

 

Jongin walked behind Kyungsoo to his Tercel.

 

“How did you know the ‘Twilight’ reference? Does Seung-wan make you watch them?” he giggled. 

 

Kyungsoo put his phone on silent and sped off before somebody could stop him. “No, Minseok does.”

 

“I didn’t picture Minseok-hyung as a Twihard. You guys are a bunch of fluff balls.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed. “Don’t tell anyone. Minseok will kill me.”

 

“Where are you taking me?”

 

“You want to pass out candy, right? My mom buys way too much candy. You’ll have fun shoveling it into the kids’ bags. I promise.”

 

Once they were safe inside, he started playing the ‘Twilight’ soundtracks and singing along with Paramore’s ‘Decode.’

 

Mrs. Do was watching ‘Twilight’ when they arrived at Kyungsoo’s house. She must have been reminded of the movie when she helped Kyungsoo with his hair. She was at the baseball scene when they walked in. 

 

“I could start it over, if you two would like?”

 

“No, thank you. We’ll pick it up from here,” Jongin answered. Always so polite. 

 

He and Kyungsoo went upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes. At that stage in their relationship, Jongin was no stranger to borrowing Kyungsoo’s clothes to sleep in. 

 

When they got back down, Mrs. Do had paused the movie. “I’m gonna watch tv with your dad. Distribute the candy as you see fit. I bought five industrial size ones.”

 

“But I thought you liked seeing the kids’ faces when you give them candy?” Kyungsoo asked earnestly. 

 

“Not when I have helpers with me! I’ll see you in the morning.” She walked up the stairs and waved over her shoulder to the two boys.

 

They sat on the couch at first like normal. They would take turns passing out the candy when children would ring the doorbell. Jongin was getting a kick out of watching Kyungsoo. They’d try to outdo each other. If Kyungsoo handed out a handful of candy, Jongin would give out two. Not to be surpassed, Kyungsoo gave the last child a whole bucketful of candy. 

 

By the end of the night, Jongin was settled between Kyungsoo’s legs, his head resting on Kyungsoo’s chest. Kyungsoo could tell the boy was fighting sleep. He the bridge of Jongin’s nose to put him to sleep. Kyungsoo could hear light snoring in a matter of seconds. 

 

They fell asleep like that the entire night. 

 

Kyungsoo was woken up by a knock on his door at 6:00 a.m. None of his family was awake. He quietly opened the door to find Chanyeol on the doorstep. Kyungsoo closed the door behind him. 

 

“Aren’t you gonna let me in?”

 

“No, my family is asleep and, no offense, but you’re really loud. I don’t want you to wake them.”

 

Chanyeol sighed. “Hey man, what happened? We were all hitting you up last night. We thought you died! I ended up giving Seung-wan a ride. Is everything alright? Have you gotten our texts?”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t think once about checking his phone when he was with Jongin. “I didn’t want to be there, frankly speaking.”

 

Chanyeol looked insulted. “You didn’t want to be with us? You know Junmyeon and Minseok are leaving tonight…”

 

Kyungsoo could see how awful it made him sound. But if it was between looking like a fool at a house party for the sake of being with his friends versus staying home to pass out candy with Jongin, he was happy that he left. 

 

“I don’t know what’s going on with you, Soo. But you’re starting to act weird again.” Chanyeol waited for a response. He didn’t get one. “Anyway, I wanted to make sure you’re alive. I’ll text everyone that you are. We’re getting together at my place later before Junmyeon and Minseok take off. You better be there.”

 

Kyungsoo pledged he would. He watched Chanyeol drive off in his Mercedes. He didn’t like that his behavior was concerning his friends, but he also knew that he presently felt good with the decisions he was making. 

 

He got back inside to nudge Jongin to move up to his bed till it was time to wake up at a reasonable hour. 

 

He replied to his friends and girlfriend, with Jongin curled up next to him, giving them generic responses why he left. 

 

After his mom fed Jongin breakfast, he drove him home with two huge bags of candy. 

 

“My niece and nephew will really thank you.” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo when he walked him to the front door. “Do you want to hang out later or-? I could give you your clothes back after I wash them.”

 

“You can give them to me the next time we’re together. I have to hang out with the guys tonight.”

 

Jongin nodded and silently went inside. 

 

Kyungsoo walked back to his car with his hands in his pockets. He should have given Jongin a hug before he left. 

 

That afternoon, being with his friends required a lot of acting on his part. He had to feign interest in what happened the night before- who hooked up with who, who drank too much, and who was acting sloppy. The things that Kyungsoo found entertaining prior to meeting Jongin no longer did it for him. He felt like he was looking for something else in someone else. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but the feeling was definitely there.

 

Baekhyun snapped his fingers in Kyungsoo’s face. “Are we boring you?”

 

They had no idea. “Nah, I’m just sleepy. So who threw up in the front lawn?”

 

His friend’s response may as well have been in a foreign language to him the way Kyungsoo couldn’t keep up with it. 

 

—————————

 

It’s funny because all that time Kyungsoo spent with Jongin wasn’t the downfall of him and Seung-wan’s relationship. It was Baekhyun’s Halloween party. 

 

“You piece of ! How could you leave me alone at the party?” Seung-wan shoved Kyungsoo the next morning on their way to school. “Since when have you been such a ?“

 

“What? I’m nervous, okay? Soccer sign-ups are soon. I want to make sure i make the team! Since when have you been such a ?”

 

Seung-wan slapped him across the face. “You don’t  even care about my well-being! And what pisses me off the most is that I was more bothered by not knowing how you were doing.”

 

Kyungsoo’s mean demeanor melted. “I have a lot on my mind. But I promise I won’t ghost you anymore.” Kyungsoo didn’t know if he convinced himself anymore. But he hoped he did a good job of convincing his girlfriend so she’d leave him alone. 

 

He wasn’t lying, though. Kyungsoo would be devastated if his friends made the team and he didn’t. 

 

He needn’t worry too much. The time spent practicing with Junmyeon and Minseok paid off. He and Sehun made the junior varsity team whilst the others made varsity. That was good enough for Soo. When Mr. Kim asked what number Kyungsoo wanted on his jersey, he wasn’t very innovative. He chose the number twelve. The same number as his birthdate. 

 

It was nice having support at his games. His family would come see him play and he could easily make Jongin out in the crowd. Jongin sat quietly, sometimes with his niece and nephew, but always in the back. He simply waved pom poms whenever Kyungsoo scored a goal and he would leave the games like a ghost in the night. Kyungsoo guessed his sister would drop him off hence why he would lug the kids around during some games. Kyungsoo appreciated his presence, but he desperately wanted Jongin to stay for the varsity games so they could sit together and chat, but that wasn’t an option. 

 

In contrast, Seung-wan... She also showed up to every game, but she was too over the top. She’d decorate her face and insist on wearing Kyungsoo’s spare jersey on game day. She was the loudest at the games and drew attention to herself. Too much for Kyungsoo’s liking. He didn’t know if he should be embarrassed of her or embarrassed for her. He flagrantly asked her to stop but her response was the same. 

 

“You owe me for leaving me at Baekhyun’s party.”

 

Kyungsoo agreed to let it go. In exchange, he asked her not to attend basketball games with him when he was encouraging his friends. 

 

“That makes me want to go even more! Just to spite you!”

 

Kyungsoo was asking for a moment of peace. He thought he deserved that much. 

 

During one of the basketball games, he saw Jongin trapped by a taller player as he was leaving the restroom. Kyungsoo didn’t know Jongin attended those games, as well. 

 

“WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU, KIM?!? I TOLD YOU NOT TO BE HERE WHEN MY GIRLFRIEND IS AROUND!!!!”

 

“Bu-but I’m not here for you.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you want this in your mouth, but it’s not gonna happen if you keep popping up. Am I gonna have to kick your ?”

 

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. 

 

The player whirled around, shocked that there was another person who probably had heard what he had said. “Oh hey, Soo. I need to teach this kid a lesson! You know how these gays work. Tryna come after straight dudes like us.”

 

“I really hope I misheard you just now.” Kyungsoo took out his pocket knife and got in a fighting stance. “Your size doesn’t intimidate me. If I see you coming after this kid again, I’ll gut you open like a fish and tell everyone you’re a closeted .”

 

“I don’t believe you, Soo.” The player said, but his face expression told otherwise. 

 

“You don’t? You think it isn’t easy for me to  get receipts? I’m sure you’ve sent him  messages before. I can’t wait to see what I’ll find.” He directed Jongin to give him his phone and open up his direct messages.

 

“Pl-please, Soo. Don’t do this to me and my girlfriend. We have a good thing going and I don’t want to lose her over a piece of . A guy’s . She’ll never forgive me.”

 

“Well then pack up your and leave because your girlfriend will be the first person I send these messages to.” Kyungsoo let the player jog off in a tizzy. “AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS! I AINT ING SCARED OF THEM! I HEARD THE FOOD IN JUVIE IS GOOD!!!!” 

Kyungsoo squatted next to Jongin who was cowering with a bloody nose. “You okay?”

 

Jongin’s eyes looked dreadful. “Oh my God, Ksoo. I’m so sorry you had to see that. It typically doesn’t get this bad…”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“He’s a liar. I don’t want him. I’ve never done anything to anyone. And no one has ever done anything except fondle me at parties. Honest. I’m not that kind of person.”

 

“I said it’s fine.” With Jongin’s permission, he took out some tissue from Jongin’s Fanny pack to wipe his nose. He wanted to take Jongin home. A second clearing of the throat interjected him. 

 

Seung-wan was standing by the water fountain. “I came looking for you. I thought you got stuck in the toilet,” she tittered nervously. “I didn’t know your charity work extended outside of elementary schools.”

 

“I think I’m gonna take him home. He’s pretty shook up.”

 

“Leave him. He’ll be okay.”

 

“Wendy, I-“

 

“Don’t contradict me, Soo! You’re in debt to me. I won’t let you leave me again.”

 

“It’s okay, guys. Really. I’ll call my sister to come pick me up. This isn’t new to me.”

 

“See? He’s fine. Come back inside. It’s the third quarter. The game is getting good.” The girl dragged Soo back to the court. 

 

Kyungsoo turned back to look at Jongin who was hugging his knees, waiting for his sister. 

 

Kyungsoo took his arm away from Seung-wan’s grip when they settled back in the bleachers. “I don’t know where you get the audacity to sass me. But let this be the last time.”

 

“I’m so sure, Soo. What are you gonna do? Hit me in front of all these people? I dare you to. I won’t hesitate to report you to the police.”

 

Kyungsoo loured at her. 

 

“That’s what I thought. Enjoy the rest of the game. Let’s not talk about this anymore. The kid gets on my nerves always talking about the dude he likes.”

 

“He does?”

 

“Yeah. I’m sure everyone in the school knows. At least everyone in my class does.” She was looking straight while Kyungsoo was looking at her, trying to gauge what she meant. “You don’t know?”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, I don’t. He’s usually pretty soundless in our classes together.”

 

“Figures. It’s best that you don’t know.”

 

Kyungsoo resumed watching the game and celebrated the team’s victory with his girlfriend and friends. 

 

That night, alone in his room, tucked in bed, he texted Jongin to see if he made it home safely and if they were still on for working on their FACS projects together. 

 

Jongin kept it short and sweet. He said he did and they were. No emoji. No cute talk. Straight to the point. 

 

————————

 

They worked on their homework assignment at Jongin’s place mostly. He had all the materials necessary to create their project. If he liked what Mrs. Do was going to cook for dinner, he would take his supplies to Kyungsoo’s house to help him. Their “midterm” for Family and Consumer Sciences was to decorate their dream home. 

 

Jongin was taking a more artsy approach with vintage pieces whereas Kyungsoo chose a neat, modern take. 

 

Jongin was on mute mode, something that Kyungsoo was used to seeing in class, but not when they were together. He calculated that Jongin was humiliated by what happened at the basketball game. Kyungsoo wanted  to inform Jongin it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of and he wanted to be forgiven for his weak actions when he was around his girlfriend. 

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t correctly look after you the other day.”

 

Jongin was engrossed with his poster board. “Don’t worry about it. I know you can’t do much when she’s there.”

 

“Thank you for comprehending me. It kept me up at night.” Kyungsoo was curious about one thing. “You said something that kinda disturbed me. You said you let these dudes touch you?”

 

Jongin pasted magazine images on the board. “Not all the time. But I do when they won’t go away. I let them me.”

 

Kyungsoo was bewildered. “You told me you don’t do that sorta thing.” Kyungsoo was saddened that he didn’t surrender to Jongin’s enticing ways like his classmates did.

 

The boy was cutting more pictures of furniture from his magazines. “I don’t. I don’t get off, if that’s what you’re thinking. It happens at parties. They mostly pet my and make me watch them . Sometimes they me, but very rarely. I disassociate then. I pretend it’s not happening to me, but I’m watching it happen to someone else.”

 

Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t want to be one of those guys who did that to Jongin. 

 

“When did it start?”

 

“After Valentine’s Day. Guess their girlfriends weren’t enough,” Jongin smiled sheepishly. “At first it started off as a coping mechanism then it became difficult to stop. It felt nice being wanted.”

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel betrayed, like he was being cheated on. Jongin WAS wanted. By him. “Is that why you want to leave parties so soon?”

 

“Yes. Right away. I want to run and shower and scrub every inch of myself until my skin is raw. I get disgusted by what I’ve done. But I don’t feel that way when you drive me home.” He looked up to smile at Kyungsoo. “You’re my savior, Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo felt warm inside. He liked that Jongin saw him differently than those scum. “I don’t want you going to those parties without me being there. I’m scared of this happening to you and that it might go any further. I want to keep a better eye on you.”

 

Jongin let out a pity laugh. “How are you gonna do that when your girlfriend’s all over the place. She’s everywhere. She’s like your shadow.”

 

“I can’t guarantee anything…”

 

Jongin went back to working. “Don’t bother. I don’t want you hurting your back trying to save me. I’m the second fiddle. She gets to do what I can’t. She gets to scribble your number on her face. She gets to wear your jersey. She gets to shout for you.”

 

“If things were different, you’d get to do that too.”

 

Jongin giggled. “I doubt that.”

 

Dinner that evening was tricky. Jongin did a good job of making small talk with Kyungsoo’s family, disguising his pain from earlier. He offered his services to help Mrs. Do carry packages into the salon when shipments came in on Tuesdays. “I don’t want Kyungsoo doing it all by himself.”

 

Mrs. Do was confused. “Tuesdays?” She chuckled. “My parcels come in on Fridays. Kyungsoo knows that.”

 

. Jongin caught him in a lie. Kyungsoo had forgotten that he had said that as a means to not attend the Gay Straight Alliance meetings. 

 

Jongin brought it up briefly on their car ride to his house. “Don’t feel bad. I don’t expect you to do everything I want you to.”

 

“There’s more? What else do you want me to do?”

 

“Break up with your girlfriend,” Jongin uttered bluntly. “I feel horrible when I see her face.”

 

“Don’t look at her and you won’t feel bad. We’re not doing anything wrong.” 

 

“Would you?”

 

“Would I what?”

 

“Break up with her.”

 

Kyungsoo scoffed. “I can’t. You know I can’t. She hasn’t given me a reason to. Besides, isn’t it fun to keep things between us?” He cupped Jongin’s chin. “It’s our little secret.“

 

“I’m tired of keeping secrets,” Jongin grumbled. 

 

“I know. I don’t want my secrets to stop you from telling me yours. I want to protect you from harm’s way. Jongin. I-“ Kyungsoo almost slipped up and said the ‘L’ word. “I care about you.”

 

“You mean that?”

 

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

 

That’s all it took for Jongin to revert back to his normal, bubbly self. 

 

“You know if I was on a sport’s team, I’d be number 88. Get it?”

 

Because 88+12=100. But Kyungsoo missed that connection. “No. I don’t.”

 

—————————-

 

The weeks leading up to winter break were hectic ones with midterms, games, preparing for the winter play, and participating in clubs while simultaneously balancing a social life. It was a miracle Kyungsoo found enough time to sleep. 

 

He attended Wendy’s choir concert where she sang holiday favorites. It wasn’t as dreadful as he told his friends it would be. His girlfriend had an angelic voice, after all. 

 

There were also the varsity soccer and basketball games. It was satisfying to be an observer and not a player. 

 

Then there was Baek, Sehun, and Yixing’s dance recital. Junmyeon and Minseok were in town to watch their performances. And Jongin would be there showcasing his dancing, as well. 

 

Kyungsoo insisted Seung-wan stay home, but she wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easily. They sat together with Kyungsoo’s friends in the middle row. 

 

The transitions between the dances were incredibly entertaining to watch. The ballet class performed snippets of ‘The Nutracker’ and the hip-hop class krumped to rap music. This year, the dance instructor forewent an intermission and went straight to the solos. 

 

Baekhyun, Yixing, and Sehun chose to do theirs together. It was set up as a dance battle, but Kyungsoo couldn’t tell who was serving who. Baekhyun chose ‘Look at Me Now’ by Chris Brown as the background music. He looked up to the singer. 

 

“But I thought Breezy was canceled for-“ Seung-wan whispered in Kyungsoo’s ear. 

 

“I know.” He motioned her to drop the subject. Obviously, Baekhyun didn’t admire everything about the singer.

 

Kyungsoo hadn’t asked Jongin too much about his solo. Jongin wanted it to be a surprise. All he told Kyungsoo was that it was going well and it wouldn’t be what he expected. The twinkle of ‘Jingle Bells’ wafted through the air. Jongin came out on stage and was joined by Jennie, Soojung, and Lisa. They were dressed in holiday-themed outfits similar to the ones worn by the Plastics in ‘Mean Girls.’ They executed the movie’s choreography flawlessly down to the teacher ‘playing’ the piano to someone getting ‘hit’ by a boombox. One of Jongin’s sisters took the role of Regina George’s mom and wore a pink tracksuit and was strapped with a bulky camcorder. It was playful. It was perfect. Kyungsoo couldn’t remember smiling so widely in his life. He felt regretful for not bringing anything to congratulate Jongin. He’d have to do so at their next meetup because he wasn’t given a chance to praise him immediately after the show. He submitted to kicking it with his friends at Junmyeon’s house.

 

—————————

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t wait to see Jongin. He had bought the boy a bouquet of orange  colored roses to convey how he felt about his dancing. Upon his arrival, Jongin invited him in. Kyungsoo didn’t want to be rude. He stayed a little longer than he should have. He briefly greeted Jongin’s mom who only gave him an “mhmmm” then immediately went upstairs. He tacked Jongin down on his bed and pecked at his neck, something that prompted Jongin to try creating friction between the two, but Kyungsoo stopped him. 

 

“Whyyyy, hyung? I want you to be my first,” Jongin whined. 

 

“Nini, you don’t need for validation. Just know I really, I really like you. Isn’t that enough?”

 

Jongin looked wounded that Kyungsoo didn’t accept his advances and had put it in such a way that made him look desperate. 

 

“Let’s talk about your recital. I liked your skit the most.”

 

“That’s because you’re skewed to think so.”

 

“What made you think of it?” Kyungsoo got off of Jongin and made himself comfortable on the bed. He didn’t want it to be awkward if Mrs. Kim walked in on them. She’d get the wrong idea that Kyungsoo was the one trying to seduce her son when it was the other way around. She’d ban Kyungsoo from ever visiting the house again as if that would stop him from showing up in secret. 

 

Jongin sat up. “Well, I’ve been so busy with a certain someone, I didn’t have time to choreograph an original piece. I wanted to do something else, but it seemed too heavy. Maybe next year. This year, I wanted to do something lighthearted, but festive.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled. “You unquestionably achieved your goal.”

 

“Are you nervous about YOUR performance?”

 

“A little. I wonder why Mr. Cha doesn’t stick to regular high school plays.” The teacher was a colorful character to say the least. “Will you be there?“

 

“I’ll be there front and center with bells on.”

 

Kyungsoo kissed Jongin on his button nose.

 

——————————-

 

Mr. Cha must have been a fan of teen dramas. It was the only way to explain why he would do a depiction of the show ‘The O.C.’ with Kyungsoo playing Ryan Atwood, the misunderstood kid from the wrong side of the tracks who was in love with Marissa Cooper. Baekhyun played his sidekick Seth Cohen, his nerdy, endearing counterpart. His other friends played supporting characters. 

 

Kyungsoo was nervous he didn’t do the show justice until he heard Mr. Cha shouting “Brava!” and “Bravo!” from the side of the stage. The stage lights made it hard for Kyungsoo to see the audience but he thought he could make out Jongin’s frame in the front row. 

 

Backstage, Kyungsoo felt a tap on his shoulder. Somehow Jongin had snuck back there with a bouquet of Sweet Williams. 

 

Kyungsoo shoved him into a closet. “What are you doing back here?”

 

“One of our classmates from FACS is the costume designer. Maybe it was wrong of me to come back here. I just wanted to tell you that you did a good job and I’m so proud of you.”

 

Kyungsoo pushed the boy against the wall. Jongin looked terrified, not knowing what Kyungsoo was capable of doing. Kyungsoo proceeded to give him profound kisses on the lips. “Let’s… go… somewhere…” Kyungsoo said between kisses. 

 

Jongin lightly pressed Kyungsoo back to make him stop. “Won’t they want to spend time with you?”

 

Kyungsoo took out his phone to text his friends and family. “That can be fixed. I’ll tell my friends I’m too tired to hang out and I’ll tell my family I’m with my friends. I doubt they’ll ask one another about my whereabouts.”

 

Kyungsoo and Jongin resumed their kissing to give Kyungsoo’s loved ones enough time to leave. Jongin wrapped his legs around Kyungsoo’s torso to bring him closer. Kyungsoo knew what he was doing, but he wasn’t giving in. He was solely buying enough time for his friends and family to leave. Kyungsoo snuck out of the closet with Jongin. He drove them two towns over to a seafood restaurant. 

 

At first, the conversation was bright and jovial, but Kyungsoo could tell something was on Jongin’s mind. 

 

Jongin waited till Kyungsoo was elbow deep in a spicy, crab boil bag to tell him. 

 

“Kyungsoo… I think I’m… I think I’m in love with you.”

 

Kyungsoo was in tears from all the laughing after Jongin’s confession. He caught the attention of other customers who glared at him. “Nini, I think you’ve been single for too long. You’re confusing fondness for something else.”

 

Jongin was obviously hurt by Kyungsoo‘s words. He hadn’t put himself out there to be ridiculed. 

 

“If you add it up, we’ve only been together for what… six months? I’ve been with Seung-wan for ten months and I can’t even say I’m in love with her. You appreciate that I pay attention to you and I enjoy devoting time to you. We relish in each other’s company, but no, you are not in love.” Kyungsoo couldn’t say the same for himself. He didn’t know what love for someone other than his friends and family looked like and he surely didn’t know what it felt like. But he did know one thing. He could akin his feelings for Jongin to something close to love. An adoration. Despite not knowing exactly how he felt, Kyungsoo didn’t want to give Jongin any motivation to leave him until they both had had enough of each other. 

 

But Jongin wasn’t letting up. “I think only I can make the decision of who I give my heart to.” He looked down at his plate. “But you’re probably correct. I must be confused.”

 

They spoke about their winter plans while they drove back to their town. 

 

“You’re going to the winter formal?” Jongin asked. 

 

“I have to. It comes with the territory.”

 

“Will you save a dance for me?”

 

Kyungsoo held Jongin’s hand. “I can’t assure you anything.”

 

Jongin nodded. 

 

“But I CAN ensure we’ll spend time together during break. The guys and I have a gift exchange Christmas Eve. I’ll most definitely spend time with Seung-wan and my family on Christmas morning. I was thinking of swinging by in the evening?”

 

Jongin became livelier. “YES! That’ll work.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled. “And I’ll be at the New Year’s Eve party. How about you?”

 

“You know how I feel about house parties,” Jongin paused. “But for you, I’ll do anything.”

 

Kyungsoo beamed. Jongin wasn’t difficult at all. He was quite simple to please. 

 

“Will that be the only time we’ll see each other?”

 

“Not at all. I still need to hear you sing more and I have plans to teach you other things.”

 

Jongin was intrigued. “What other things?”

 

“You’ll see.” Kyungsoo winked.

 

——————————

 

Kyungsoo’s attitude was utterly fowl at the winter formal. Everything about the event pissed him off. He hated the tux Seung-wan had chosen for him. To retaliate, he purposely didn’t buy her a corsage.

 

“I don’t know why you’re grumpy,” Seung-wan voiced. 

 

“Because I look ghetto and you chose a ty restaurant to go to for dinner.”

 

“Red satin is nice!”

 

“For you!”

 

“Okay, don’t fight.” Chanyeol begged. “We’re here to have fun. For some of us, it’s our last winter formal. Let’s shake off the bad vibes by dancing.”

 

Nothing angered Kyungsoo more than looking at the dance floor and seeing Jongin having fun with his friends. He gulped down some vodka diluted with juice and let his girlfriend lead him to the middle of the gymnasium. 

 

The deejay was playing a dance song from the early 2000s. Kyungsoo made sure Jongin could see his hand on Seung-wan’s . 

 

Jongin looked muddled by Kyungsoo’s actions. Halfway through the song, he dashed to the bathroom. Kyungsoo pushed Seung-wan off to go after Jongin. Jongin was inside a stall by the time Kyungsoo got there. 

 

Kyungsoo stood by until they were the only ones in the confined space. He locked the door of the restroom to better converse with Jongin. 

 

“Jonginnie, what’s wrong?”

 

“You’re hot and cold, hyung. You’re sending me mixed messages. I’m not sure how you want me to feel,” Jongin said over the stall. 

 

“Put yourself in my position, Jongin. I wish I could outspokenly be with both of you.”

 

“You don’t even like her!”

 

“You’re right. I don’t. But she likes me enough for the both of us.”

 

“So do I!”

 

“You’re different. I ACTUALLY like you and I’m… I’m scared of losing you.”

 

Jongin unlocked the door of the stall and stared at Kyungsoo with doe eyes. “Hyung, what are we?”

 

Kyungsoo hated that question. “You’re my part-time lover and my full-time friend, silly.”

 

Jongin was unamused. 

 

“Sorry. We watched ‘Juno’ for film club… Why is everyone so fascinated with defining their relationship? I don’t get it.” Kyungsoo exhaled. “But if I have to put it in words, you’re someone I’m considerably obsessed with.”

 

Jongin looked content with Kyungsoo’s answer. 

 

Kyungsoo walked toward him to press a gentle kiss on his lips. “I know this is supposed to be a temporary thing, but I don’t see myself being done with you any time soon. I’m greedy. I want to be your one and only. I don’t want to share you.”

 

“Then, let’s go. I want to drive around in you car to look at Christmas lights.”

 

“Let me lose her… wait for me outside.”

 

Jongin nodded his head in agreement. 

 

Kyungsoo left the room to find Seung-wan to dismiss himself. 

 

She gave the impression of being irritated when he approached her. “I want to leave, Soo. This dance is lame. I could think of a billion other things I could do than be here.”

 

Kyungsoo scanned the gym to look for Jongin. He wanted to tell him he’d have to reschedule their plans. Kyungsoo consented to take Seung-wan home. He could see Jongin through his rear view mirror,  waiting for him outside the building. His intention was to pick the boy up after dropping the girl off, but she had other ideas. 

 

Seung-wan reached over to touch Kyungsoo’s junk into full hardness.  

 

Kyungsoo tried removing her hand. 

 

“You were really handsy back there, babe.”

 

Kyungsoo wanted to say he didn’t mean it. He was trying to make Jongin jealous, but it hadn’t worked. He only mixed the boy up more than he already was.

 

“Why don’t we finish what we started?”

 

Kyungsoo huffed. “Okay, but quickly. I promised my mom I’d be home by nine.”

 

Seung-wan scoffed. “You don’t have a curfew.”

 

“I do now.” Kyungsoo drove them to an abandoned field. 

 

“Here?”

 

“What do you mean ‘here?’ We can’t do it our houses. Our parents are home.”

 

“I was thinking more like a hotel?”

 

“Do you want to do it or not?”

 

The girl crawled to the backseat. Kyungsoo got on top of her. She tried kissing him, but Kyungsoo backed away. 

 

“No kissing.” He put on one of the condoms he kept stored in his console. He couldn’t believe the girl was already ready to go. He into her violently. 

 

“Ow, Kyungsoo. Why do we have to have angry all the time? Why can’t you be tender?”

 

“Because that ain’t me. Now shut up and take it or we’re going home.”

 

“Fine.”

 

Kyungsoo continued to ram himself into her, but he couldn’t finish. Something was stopping him. It didn’t feel pleasurable. It made him feel deplorable. 

 

“Soo, is something wrong?”

 

“No, just give me a minute.” Kyungsoo could feel himself getting soft inside her. He finally gave up. “Let me take you home.”

 

They drove in silence. Kyungsoo wasn’t apologetic toward her. He was apologetic to Jongin, who he had left at the dance. He didn’t wait for Seung-wan to get past her gate to drive back to the school. When he got there, everyone had mostly gone. His friends were the last ones to exit the building. 

 

“Hey man, where’s Wendy?” Baekhyun implored. 

 

“Something came up. I had to take her home.”

 

“You want to grab something to eat?” Chanyeol suggested. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” Kyungsoo tried calling Jongin’s phone when he got inside his car. His calls went straight to voicemail. 

 

He let his friends choose where to eat. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he didn’t want to be alone. His friends talked amongst themselves and their dates. 

 

The wait staff kicked them out when the clock midnight. Kyungsoo tried calling Jongin again. No answer. He contemplated visiting Jongin at home, but he didn’t want Mrs. Kim presuming anything. He made his way back home and tried listening to Christmas music. It was sad, pathetic, forced. The lights on the houses seemed dimmer. They looked dead inside. Just like him. It appeared no matter how much he tried, someone would always be disappointed by him. That night he let down two people. Two people who would do everything to make him happy. 

 

——————-

 

When Kyungsoo told him he’d teach him a few things, Jongin didn’t imagine he’d be behind the wheel of the maroon Tercel. 

 

“Why are you showing me how to do this?”

 

“In case you need to drive me home when I’m too drunk,” Kyungsoo joked. “No! Don’t close your eyes! Eyes on the road. Keep your hands on the steering wheel!” Kgungsoo couldn’t stop laughing. It might have been dumb in theory, but Jongin looked cute under distress. It was one of the many ways Kyungsoo wanted to get closer to the boy. 

 

Christmas was a few days away and Kyungsoo had already bought Jongin a gift. Once the seed was planted in his brain, he knew he had to get it for him. Jongin didn’t have to reciprocate it with anything except his time. Time he spent with Kyungsoo doing foolish things like learning how to drive his car.

 

The moments spent over winter break were reminiscent to the summer where Jongin consumed most of Kyungsoo’s time. Kyungsoo didn’t want to be anywhere else. He wanted to see Jongin smile. He wanted to hear his laugh. He wanted to see his expression when he opened his gift. 

 

The formalities of scheduled time with his friends and family were fatiguing to Kyungsoo. The hands on the clock moved excruciatingly slow. 

 

He and his friends had a tradition of giving each other gag gifts. Baekhyun gave Kyungsoo an Edward Cullen doll. He hit his friend with it.

 

“That’s okay, Soo. The laugh I got from seeing you open your present is worth the soreness.”

 

His other friends were more predictable, giving him condoms, lube, and edible lingerie. Kyungsoo checked their expiration dates with no particular pretense aside from having them on hand for someone who wasn’t his girlfriend. 

 

The next morning, he left Junmyeon’s house to be with his family and Seung-wan. Nothing out of the ordinary was given to him. 

 

A frown was plastered on Seung-wan’s face as she unwrapped her gift. “An Ed Sheeran CD?”

 

Kyungsoo was self-flattered knowing he had upset her. “The CD is very personal to me. ‘Supermarket Flowers’ is my favorite track on the album.”

 

“Kyungsoooooo, I told you what I wanted.”

 

“They didn’t have it. I thought this was more sentimental since it comes straight from my heart.”

 

“Thanks, I guess… here’s what I got you.”

 

Kyungsoo took a 47 Brand baseball cap out of a Christmas bag. “Awww, thanks, honey. I could use a new one.” The girl turned the other way when Kyungsoo scooted over for a kiss. 

 

She also skipped watching holiday movies with Kyungsoo’s family, clearly annoyed by her gift from Kyungsoo. His own family put more thought into their gifts to her than he did. Meanwhile Kyungsoo was relieved to get to Jongin sooner. Seung-wan furiously got out of his car. 

 

“Don’t let the door hit you on the ,” Kyungsoo whispered. 

 

The girl’s left foot barely hit the ground when Kyungsoo drove to Jongin’s. 

 

Jongin was waiting for him with a fresh Bundt cake that had just left the oven. His family had gone out to play in the snow. He was going to invite Soo to go with them, but he didn’t know how receptive his mom was to the proposal. That meant the boys were alone in the living room, sitting cross-legged on the floor, left to their own devices. If Jongin was falling for Kyungsoo, his Christmas gift potentially set it in stone. 

 

The present was in small box. Jongin jiggled it and it rattled. “What could it be? It sounds like rocks. Or shells. Are they the ones we collected at the beach this summer?”

 

“I don’t know. Why don’t you open it?” Kyungsoo was capricious with anticipation. 

 

Jongin unwrapped it slowly. His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when he saw the name on the box. “Gucci? Kyungsoo, this is too much. Take it back.”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I already burned the receipt. Open it. You’re worth every penny. And more.”

 

Jongin opened the jewelry box and was greeted by a shimmering, diamond choker. “Hyung, this is gorgeous. I’m… I’m speechless. How did you-? How am I supposed to-?”

 

“Don’t overthink it. A ‘thank you’ would suffice.”

 

Jongin jumped on Kyungsoo’s lap and kissed his handsome face. “I know how I could repay you, hyung, if you let me.” He moved his lips to Kyungsoo’s. It felt like their tongues were wrestling in each other’s mouths. Kyungsoo slid his hands up and down Jongin’s backside. 

 

“Take me, Soo. I’m ready. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this.”

 

Kyungsoo moved his hands up to Jongin’s back and hugged him closely. 

 

“No, hyung. Pleeeease. I’m grown,” Jongin groused. 

 

Kyungsoo continued to hug the boy and laid his head on Jongin’s shoulder. “You’re not. Neither of us are,” he said through a squished mouth. 

 

Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s hair to force him into a kiss. “Please, Kyungsoo. It would mean more to me than anything your money could buy.”

 

“No means no, Jonginnie. Give me my real present or I’ll have to leave before things escalate.”

 

“And I’ll throw this necklace at you and hope it breaks.” Jongin glided a manila envelope to Kyungsoo. It was decorated with all sorts of adorable stickers. 

 

Kyungsoo opened it and grinned.

 

“I’ve been working on sketching for my designs and I decided to sketch you based off a picture I found on your Instagram account.”

 

Kyungsoo was moved by the gift. “Nini, this is beautiful. I’m going to frame it so everyone who comes in my room sees this wonderful work of art you created.”

 

“Your admiration toward me isn’t helping the feelings I’m developing for you.”

 

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Maybe I should shut up then.“

 

Jongin bit his lip. “I noticed something when I went through your posts. I don’t see any photos of Wendy.”

 

“If I don’t post her it’s because it helps me feel like my relationship with her isn’t real,”  Kyungsoo said honestly.

 

Jongin settled back on Kyungsoo’s lap and embraced him, combing through Kyungsoo’s dark hair with his fingers. “We don’t have to talk about her. I know it troubles you. I want to be your safe space. Let’s make believe that you’re mine.”

 

Kyungsoo peered into Jongin’s eyes. “But I am yours.”

 

Jongin smirked. “Not precisely. But that’s okay because I AM yours.”

 

Kyungsoo firmly held Jongin. He didn’t want to leave. He stayed with Jongin until the morning. He put his leg over Jongin’s waist to spoon him from behind when they were on the plush bed. He kissed Jongin’s shoulder blades. Jongin was breathless, pushing his back onto Kyungsoo’s bulge. 

 

“If you don’t behave, I’ll sleep on the floor,” Kyungsoo murmured in Jongin’s ear. He bit on Jongin’s earlobe. 

 

“Yes, hyung.”

 

Kyungsoo moved down to the floor, anyway. He was hellbent on keeping the oath he made to himself to not take it too far with Jongin. Not when they were both underage. Something felt erroneous about it. 

 

The temptation was real. But the pact he made existed deeply within himself and it trumped the need in his groin to be Jongin’s first. 

 

 ———————-

 

Seung-wan had long forgotten the gift Kyungsoo gave her when it was time to go  to their schoolmate’s New Year’s Eve party. She was under the impression Kyungsoo would give her something grander for their first anniversary and Valentine’s Day. It was Kyungsoo‘s defense for working so much the week preceding the new year. 

 

In reality, Kyungsoo worked shorter shifts to spend the rest of the day with Jongin. 

 

He didn’t see his friends or girlfriend at all that week so he was actually happy when he spotted them at the party. Junmyeon had done him a favor by picking Wendy up since she was already at Irene’s. Kyungsoo told Jongin he could drive him to the party, but Jongin refused and asserted he’d be alright going with his friends. 

 

Kyungsoo’s crew were in the living room, drinking and smoking, when he arrived. 

 

“Well, Soo. You need to catch up,” Baekhyun handed him shots of alcohol. While everyone took theirs, Kyungsoo dumped his in a nearby plant. He wanted to be sober. He didn’t want to miss seeing  any unusual activity happening to Jongin. He wanted to remain alert. 

 

Ten minutes before the countdown to the new year began, Kyungsoo caught Jongin going down the hallway of the home to a room in the back. He excused himself from his group of friends to see where Jongin was headed. 

 

Seung-wan grabbed his hand when he got up to leave. “Be back by midnight for our kiss. The way we spend our New Year’s Eve is the way we’ll spend the rest of the year.”

 

“I will. I just need to get something from my car.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“My lighter.”

 

“Your lighter?”

 

Time was of the essence. For all he knew, some dude might have had Jongin in a compromising position in that moment. “Yes, . A lighter. Mine’s a zippo and these are BIC. I’ll be back by 11:59. I swear.”

 

He walked through the hallway to check on Jongin. The other doors were locked except one at the end of the hall. Kyungsoo prayed Jongin was behind it…

 

And he was. He was sitting on a bed in a room that must have belonged to a child who was enthralled by the solar system. 

 

Jongin rolled his eyes. “, Soo. It took you long enough to find me.”

 

Kyungsoo gently pushed Jongin on the bed and mounted him. “You planned this?”

 

“It’s the only way I could get you away from her. Lock the door. She might try looking for you.”

 

Jongin made a logical point. Kyungsoo locked the door and laid down next to him. “Do you know why I’m here?”

 

“To protect me?”

 

“I want to set the tone right for the rest of the year. I thought about what you said at the formal. About what we are-“

 

“We can move on from that. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

“It’s only fair to give you a proper title.”

 

“No, you were right, Soo. Labels don’t matter. Look at you. You have a girlfriend and you’re here with me instead.“

 

“So you’re telling me you don’t want to be my boyfriend?”

 

Jongin enlivened. “Seriously, Soo? Don’t play with my heart like this.”

 

“Yes, Jonginnie. Seung-wan is a placeholder. A figurehead. She doesn’t . You do. Hold it down for a minute. She’ll lose feelings for me just as fast as she caught them. I don’t see it going past the one year mark. Pretty soon you’ll be the one wearing my jerseys and screaming my name…”

 

Jongin’s eyes lit up. 

 

“At games. At games. What did I say?”

 

“Not until I turn eighteen.”

 

“Exactly. Unless that dude swoops you up, eighteen is our magic number.”

 

They could hear the guests counting down to midnight. The crowd erupted in cheers when it turned 12:00 a.m. 

 

“Happy new year, baby.” Kyungsoo kissed Jongin on the forehead. 

 

“Baby? You never call me baby.”

 

“Get used to it.”

 

Jongin kissed Kyungsoo on the nose. “Happy new year, boo. My boo, Soo.” If Jongin’s giggles could, they’d glint in the moonlight. 

 

They kissed for a little while until Kyungsoo’s conscience got the best of him. “I have to get back to… you know who.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Kyungsoo left the bed and opened the door to exit the room. “Jongin, I-“ love you. “I-“ love you. You know you want to. “I hope you get home safely.” Coward.

 

Jongin nodded. “You too, hyung.”

 

Seung-wan was tapping her foot outside the door when he opened it. “What’s in there? Who’s in there?”

 

“Damn, girl. Nobody. I was making a call.”

 

“Lemme see.”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

“Lemme see.”

 

Seung-wan kicked the door open. The room was empty. She looked underneath the bed and in the closet. No one.

 

“I bet you feel dumb now.” Kyungsoo took her by the hand. 

 

“You didn’t kiss me at midnight.”

 

“We could do better than that. Have you ever ed someone underneath the stars, Seung-wan?”

 

“No…”

 

“There’s a first time for everything.”

 

Kyungsoo didn’t know how Jongin escaped, but he sincerely crossed his fingers that Jongin hadn’t heard him.