Spring Semester, Sophomore Year
All I Wanted (Was You)“How was the party?”
“Yixing,” Baekhyun placed his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “We were knee deep in .”
“Damn! I’m sad I missed it. It sounds like a real rager.”
“You’re not the only one,” Sehun exclaimed. “Soo left early.”
“I know, Soo. What happened? We were worried about you.” Chanyeol asked candidly.
Kyungsoo put down his burger. “I had diarrhea. I needed pepto.”
He couldn’t believe he had said it with a straight face. Not ones to really question him, his friends bought it.
Kyungsoo started working on his applesauce. “Did anyone else talk about the party?”
“Are we talking about anyone in specific? Because Wendy was really pissed you neglected her at the party. We were talking about it in class. I asked Jongin if he saw you leave since he bounced around that time, too.” So Kyungsoo WAS discussed in Sehun’s class.
“Did he saying anything?”
Sehun finished his Gatorade. “Was he supposed to? He said he saw what he needed to see and left. But Wendy… she says she’s tired of being mad at you. She wants you to apologize to her.”
“Then… tell Seung-wan that I’m sorry.”
“You know it’s serious if he’s using her government name,” Jongdae pointed out.
“Shouldn’t it be coming from you, Soo? I can relay the message, but it won’t mean as much since it’s not coming from you.”
Kyungsoo wanted to say he didn’t give two s about what Wendy thought, but suddenly Sehun remembered a pressing matter.
“. I forgot something in my locker.”
“I don’t know why you even bother with that thing. I told you that you could use mine,” Junmyeon reminded him.
The school had 4 tiers of lockers. Freshman had the smallest that was no bigger than a square box and barely fit any books. The lockers gradually got bigger with the senior lockers being the biggest and the tallest. Sehun and Kyungsoo never really used their lockers. They bummed off the others’ lockers instead.
It must have been kismet because Jongin was there trying to pull out his Care Bear trapper keeper from the locker. He pulled so hard that he ended up falling on his . Kyungsoo shimmied the binder, breaking it free from the confines of the box without a single tear.
“Thanks for that. You didn’t have to.” Jongin scraped himself off as Kyungsoo handed him the binder. He was looking especially pretty that day.
“You could use my locker, you know. I don’t use it anymore. I share with the other guys.”
Jongin averted his gaze. “I feel like I’ve caused enough trouble already.” He slung his book bag diagonally over his body and walked to his classroom. The fall must have made him a little dizzy because he teetered over to one side.
Kyungsoo took the bag from him and put it over his shoulder. “You have all your books in here. No wonder you can’t walk. Please. Take my locker.”
They broke free from Kyungsoo’s friends to go to his locker.
“Are you sure about this, Ksoo? I really don’t mind using mine. We only have five more months left of us school.”
Kyungsoo opened up his locker. “Exactly. You’ve already spent too much time using that other piece of . Use this one instead. My locker combo is my birthday: 930112.”
Jongin froze. “Your birthday is next week?”
“Yes, thank God. Finally I can drive on my own.”
“MY birthday is next week! On the 14th! It must be fate!”
Kyungsoo smiled. “Then the locker combo should be easy to remember.”
“Soo! Are you coming?” Chanyeol yelled out to him.
“Coming!” He yelled back to his friends. “, I’m so nervous,” he said to no one except Jongin.
Jongin was confused. “Nervous about music appreciation? Why?”
Kyungsoo leaned back against the lockers. “No. Nervous about English. I have to perform that skit we wrote in detention.” He closed his eyes in dismay. What if his class didn’t laugh with him? What if they laughed AT him?!?
Jongin was fiddling with something that jingled. “Here.”
Kyungsoo opened his eyes. Jongin was holding out a Paddington Bear keychain. “This will give you good luck!”
Kyungsoo should have known- more bears. Jongin’s keyring was full of them. The boy was undefinably adorable and pure. It was a shame people wanted to perceive him as something else. Kyungsoo wanted nothing more than to protect him from the distorted world they lived in. He looked around to make sure no one was watching. Seeing that the coast was clear, he kissed Jongin on the forehead.
Jongin wiped it off. “Hyung, you need to stop doing that! You’re giving me butterflies in my stomach!”
That earned Jongin a flick on the forehead. “Butterflies in your stomach, Jonginnie? That’s the common sense leaving your body. Where’s your next class? I’ll walk you.”
“Geography. It’s on the other side of campus. Nowhere near your music appreciation class.”
The school quad was vacant except for them. Kyungsoo moved his hand closer to Jongin’s to envelope it with his own. It must have not bothered Jongin one bit because he didn’t mention it.
What was weirder- them bringing up what happened on New Years or them not bringing it up at all? They didn’t have to. Clearly something was going on between them, but neither cared to put a label on it. All they knew is something was happening and it felt right.
They stopped in front of Jongin’s building. “This is me.”
Kyungsoo wanted to kiss him again, but Jongin’s window was big enough for his nosy classmates to see and he didn’t know if Jongin wanted that or not. They were still too ‘new.’
Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “I think I have some crap in my locker. You can clean it out and make yourself at home.”
Jongin nodded and quietly went inside the classroom.
The second bell rang. Kyungsoo was late. He should have been running but he chose to stroll his way back to his side of the campus. Five minutes versus fifteen minutes of being late. What was the difference? Being late was being late. It was too early to say he was in love, but he was definitely in something.
He rolled up to class with his hands in his pocket and waltzed his way up to his seat.
“Mr. Do…”
“Yes, Mr. Zo?”
“You’re late. I want you to write a paper about the importance of punctuality. It’s due tomorrow at the beginning of class. I want to see you walking through that door at 1 p.m. sharp.”
“Yes, sir…”
Baekhyun turned around and mouthed. “Where the hell were you?”
Kyungsoo shrugged and took out his binder from his backpack. “I needed to take a .”
—————————-
It felt like D-Day.
“The floor is yours, Mr. Do,” Ms. Park motioned toward the front of the classroom.
Kyungsoo broke out in sweat. He pressed on the tiny bear inside his hoodie, his makeshift rabbit’s foot that was more meaningful because it belonged to the most beautiful person in the world.
“Hello everyone,” he greeted the classroom. “I’m Christian D.O. I’m a farmer who cultivates designer produce…”
The class hollered.
His bit lasted about three minutes. He bowed when he was finished with his set. His classmates gave him a round of applause. Soojung gave him a thumbs up. Kyungsoo returned it with his own. He wanted to make an effort of acknowledging Jongin’s friends more. It wasn’t like they were boyfriends, but if Kyungsoo played his cards right, he could be.
Kyungsoo took out his phone to text Jongin.
I killed it <3
I knew you would. Mr. Paddington Bear has magical powers ;)
I owe you sumn
Kyungsoo’s phone vibrated ten minutes later.
I thought about it. You owe me singing lessons :*
My house. After school :*
Okay. But I need to be home by 6:30 or my mom will kill me. Or worse. She’ll kill you :S
I’ll drop you off at 6:25 on the dot
>3<
“Mr. Do. Do I need to take away your phone?”
“No, ma’am.”
Kyungsoo spent the rest of the class learning about the book ‘ 1984’ and totalitarianism.
“Kyungsoo, I think you have acting talent. You should look into joining drama next year.”
Ms. Park had directed him to stay back before he left school for the day.
He didn’t know what his companions would say if he presented them with the opportunity. This was a fork in his road.
“Think about it, Mr. Do.”
Kyungsoo guaranteed her he would.
———————
“We’ll be taking Jongin home from now on. At least till I get my license. Then I’ll be driving us to and from school from here on out.”
His friends’ mouths were gaped open.
Baekhyun was the first to speak. “Just him or all of us?”
Kyungsoo shifted his feet from side to side. “I guess you guys can ride with us, too.“
Baekhyun punched the air. “Awesome!”
“Wait- this messes with our driving color wheel!”
Chanyeol complained.
“Well, find a way to factor him in because he’s not going anywhere.” Kyungsoo opened the door to Chanyeol’s Mercedes first for Jongin then for himself. “You can drop us off at my house.”
Chanyeol looked at Sehun who was in the passenger’s seat and uttered, “What the ?”
“I’d suggest that my friends drive us, but you’re older than them,” Jongin voiced.
“Don’t let the thought cross your mind. It’s our pleasure to drive you, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo punched Chanyeol’s headrest.
“It sure is.”
The car ride was filled with Sehun’s rap songs. He called dibs because he was the maknae.
Jongin got off of Chanyeol’s car first.
“What’s going on?” Chanyeol stopped Kyungsoo before he got out.
“He’s my friend. I AM allowed to have friends outside of you all, y’know? But you’ll always be my nucleus.” Kyungsoo fist bumped him and Sehun.
He took Jongin by the waist and walked him to his front door.
“Hey mom! You remember Jongin? From Christmas?”
His mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. “I sure do. I’ll make enough food for the five us.”
“Please. You don’t have to, Mrs. Do. I have to leave before 6:30”
“That just means we’ll have dinner earlier,” she winked.
Kyungsoo and Jongin walked into the garage. Since his dad had his own studio outside the family home, Kyungsoo converted the garage into a makeshift music studio with soundproof walls and instruments.
Jongin lightly touched the guitar and the piano. “You know how to play?”
Kyungsoo adjusted the microphone in the middle of the room. “Huh? Sorta. I’m trying to learn. Chanyeol and Yixing come over on their free time to teach me. I’m slowly getting better. I hope to get better so I can apply to a performing arts college.”
“I feel like you can excel in anything you put your mind to, Ksoo.”
“Is that so? Then you’re one of the few who thinks that way,” Kyungsoo admitted.
Kyungsoo and Jongin spent two hours going over R&B songs, per the guest’s request. Kyungsoo would sometimes accompany some parts with his instruments. They’d play Daniel Caesar and Bryson Tiller songs first then Kyungsoo would record Jongin’s voice. Kyungsoo would help him with his vocal tone along the way.
“I give up! I’ll never be as good as you,” Jongin whined.
“What? You’re crazy. Listen to yourself. Literally, listen to yourself.” Kyungsoo played Jongin’s version of the songs. “Your voice is soft and mellow. Very fitting to you.”
Jongin stared at Kyungsoo. “No one sees me like you do.”
Kyungsoo tinkered with the keys on his laptop. “I’m serious. You’re probably my student with the most potential.”
Jongin kissed Soo on the cheek.
Mrs. Do stopped the moment from turning into a full blown makeout session.
Dinner that night was Kongnamul Guk. Mrs. Do was pleased that Jongin asked for seconds and thirds.
6:10 arrived too soon. It was time for Kyungsoo to take Jongin home.
“Y’know, Ksoo,” Jongin said as Kyungsoo drove, he was comfortably sitting with his feet on the car seat. “I was thinking we can split our time. I don’t want to strain my voice and you did say you wanted to learn how to tap dance…”
“I did?”
“Yes, you did. Sooooo… I was thinking… we could split our time between me singing and you dancing. How does that sound? Unless all that talk about learning how to dance was a means for you to hit on me…”
Kyungsoo sneered.
It was exactly 6:25 p.m. as Kyungsoo promised.
“Should I go inside and say ‘hi’ to your mom?”
“You better not! She’s not too fond of you right now after leaving without saying goodbye on New Years.”
Kyungsoo wondered if this was a good transition to bring up the kissing, but Jongin didn’t give him the chance to. He kissed Kyungsoo on the nose and exited out of the car.
Kyungsoo rolled down the window. “Hey Jongin! Your keychain!”
Jongin turned to face Kyungsoo. “Keep it. It’ll bring you good luck. You’ll think of me when you see it.”
Kyungsoo rolled the window up and put the bear on his rear view mirror so he could see it every time he drove his car. He drove all the way home drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He wanted to bring up the kisses. But when? He didn’t want the situationship with Jongin to stop.
He also needed to lay down the rules. Jongin was still very young. Fourteen going on fifteen…
—————-
Kyungsoo wanted to spend more time with Jongin. Their afternoon dates weren’t enough. He wanted to drive him to school. He wanted to have lunch with him. He wanted to walk him to his classes. He also wanted more from Jongin. He wanted to spend the entire car ride to his house kissing him. If his friends could do it with their girlfriends, why couldn’t he do it with Jongin who was far more permanent than those girls were?
In the meantime, 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.was strictly for them. Kyungsoo would silence his phone. That time was for Jongin and solely Jongin. The outside world could wait.
Jongin himself was the perfect house guest. He’d help Ms. Do set up the table and wash the dishes. He asked Mr. Do and Seungsoo about their days. He played with Hoochoo and Meokmul. He was winning major brownie points with the family.
Something Kyungsoo needed to do. Their dates would end with Kyungsoo dropping Jongin off precisely at 6:25 p.m. Kyungsoo would insist on going inside and explaining himself to Mrs. Kim but Jongin would say it was till too soon. He’d kiss Kyungsoo on the cheek and Kyungsoo would head back home. His internal struggle was the same as the day before- was he blurring the lines of friendship with Jongin? He was certain if he tried kissing his friends on the lips, they’d slap him.
Kyungsoo would turn his phone back on at home and write back to his unanswered messages, work on his homework, shower, and go to bed. Every night, he’d get a text from the same person.
Thank you for today.
He’d fall asleep with a smile on his face. It was like clockwork.
———————
“For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow! That nobody can denyyyy!”
His crew had a knack for embarrassing him. They were singing loudly in the middle of the quad with ridiculous cone-shaped hats on that were too small for anyone’s head. Kyungsoo firmly said he wanted to go off-campus for lunch, but his friends wanted to make his birthday as humiliating as possible. They bought huge one and six balloons, decorated his locker, and bought him a cake. The message countered its beauty: ‘Congratulations on passing your driving test, assface!’
The focal point of their lunch chat was what they would do for Kyungsoo’s birthday, but Kyungsoo was ogling at Jongin. He turned down a ride from Kyungsoo that morning. Kyungsoo wasn’t able to see him till lunchtime, but it was worth the wait. Jongin was dressed in a fluffy, rainbow striped crop top and form fitting, flare jeans. He had barrettes in his wispy hair and rainbow eyeshadow on his eyelids. He looked absolutely heavenly- like a model from the Delia’s catalogs his mom carried in her salon. Kyungsoo prayed it was for him.
Baekhyun’s eyes darted to where Kyungsoo was looking. “He’s trying to outdo you on your special day. This is him waving his freak flag high. I can hear Diana Ross now.”
“Stahp, Baek,” Jongdae pleaded. The bell rang. “We gotta go.”
Kyungsoo knew he’d see him later, but he wanted one last look at Jongin’s in those jeans. He wanted it embedded in his memory. He would have if Wendy wasn’t in his line of vision as he was dumping out his lunch tray.
“Hi Soo! I got you a birthday gift! Don’t open it now. Wait till later. See you around.” She gave him a tight squeeze.
Great. One more thing he had to carry.
Jongin was gone.
———————
“What is it?” Chanyeol inquired when he saw the gift bag.
“ do I know?”
The gang was burning with curiosity the minute Kyungsoo showed up to class with the gift bag. Taemin had wished him a happy birthday when Soo was putting his distracting balloons in the back of the classroom. His interactions with Jongin’s friends had vastly improved.
Sehun took the gift bag and threw the tissue paper down. They were by Junmyeon and Minseok’s lockers. “It’s a bottle of Acqua di Gio.“ The most basic cologne known to mankind. No effort whatsoever was put into this gift.
“On one hand, if you give it back, you’ll come off like an . On the other, if you keep it, she might take this as a sign that there’s a chance for you two to become an item.” Minseok always the gentleman living by his favorite saying ‘manners maketh mine.’
“Fight for it amongst yourselves. Throw it away. I don’t care.”
By the end of the day, Kyungsoo received birthday wishes from the usual suspects. Most exceptional were the birthday greetings from Jongin’s buddies.
A flash hit Kyungsoo’s eyes as soon as he emerged from his English class. Jongin was waiting for him outside of the classroom. He had a Polaroid camera in his right hand.
“Who’s that for?”
Jongin held the picture close to his heart. “It’s mine to keep.”
“My friends decorated my locker today…”
“I could tell. I opened the door and was assaulted by confetti.”
They ambled hand in hand toward the student parking lot.
They unclamped their hands when they saw Kyungsoo’s friends.
“There’s no room for you in my car,” he told his friends. Kyungsoo put his oversized balloons in his backseat and his and Jongin’s bags in his trunk. “It’s your fault. No one told you to do all this,” he teased.
“We do it because we love you. Happy birthday, Soo,” Junmyeon gave him a hug.
The rest of the guys promised to give Kyungsoo a for his birthday and took off to their houses.
Kyungsoo opened his passenger’s seat door for Jongin. Jongin skipped inside. He saw the Paddington Bear keychain on the rear view mirror.
“You kept it in here?”
“Yes, he protects me when I drive. It’s your early birthday gift to me.”
“I have ACTUAL birthday gifts for you, too,” Jongin said when they were safely inside Kyungsoo’s car. “Birthday gift one.” He took Kyungsoo’s phone off the AUX cord and replaced it with his. “I made you a playlist. I can send you the link, if you’d like?” The first song was ‘positions’ by Ariana Grande.
But Kyungsoo wasn’t picking up what Jongin was putting down.
“I don’t want to practice today,” Jongin pouted.
“Fine. What do you want to do? Do you wanna watch a movie?”
“No, I want to spend time with you. No distractions.” Jongin nibbled on his lip. “My mom isn’t home. Wanna come over?”
“You sure she won’t mind?”
Jongin pecked Kyungsoo’s nose. “If she says anything, I’ll just tell her it’s your birthday. Laws don’t apply on your birthday.”
Kyungsoo drove them to Jongin’s house.
“You can have some of my birthday cake. I saved you a slice. There should be forks in the box.”
“Aren’t you sweet?” Jongin kissed Kyungsoo’s cheek. “I owe you 16 kisses, don’t I?” He kissed all over Kyungsoo’s face- his forehead, his temple, his cheek, and his chin.
It tickled. “You’re distracting the driver and I’m carrying precious cargo.”
“Ah, yes. I’d hate for you to pop these gorgeous balloons.”
Kyungsoo shot him a look. “Very funny.”
“Fine, fine. I’ll eat this yummy cake while you drive.”
Every time Jongin got to a strawberry, he’d feed it to Kyungsoo.
“That was only fifteen kisses, by the way.”
Jongin the fork clean. “Guess I can’t count very well.”
——————-
Jongin’s room was a sight in itself. It was just as indescribable as its owner. It looked like a 90s daydream. It was painted baby blue. A full-size bed was in the middle of the room with lavender sheets and a lavender comforter. There were stars on the ceiling, inflatable furniture, a hanging egg chair, twinkle lights, and a neon iMac G3 on his desk. Images of David Bowie and other androgynous artists hung on the wall. None of Kyungsoo’s ex-girlfriends had rooms like these. Comparing anyone to Jongin felt wrong. Jongin would win every time.
Jongin set his book bag on his desk. “Make yourself at home.” He put a record on a turntable. Soft R&B music encompassed the room.
That’s all it took for Kyungsoo to collapse on the bed, his back hitting the plushness of Jongin’s bedding.
Jongin’s head settled on Kyungsoo’s stomach. Kyungsoo played with Jongin’s hair with one hand as Jongin interlocked his hand with the other. They engaged in mindless chatter for the next few hours, talking about anything and everything all at once. Time flew by when Kyungsoo was with Jongin.
Jongin: “How do you like your coffee?”
Kyungsoo: “Iced Americano. How about you?”
Jongin: “Latte, mostly milk. Favorite color?”
Kyungsoo: “Black. Yours?”
Jongin: “I think I look best in brown. Your favorite music genre?”
Kyungsoo: “All kinds. You?”
Jongin: “R&B. Favorite movies?”
Kyungsoo: “Moana, Coco, My Neighbor Totoro. Yours?”
Jongin: “Scary movies. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?”
Kyungsoo: “I’d like to visit Japan again. You?”
Jongin: “Paris. If you could do anything besides music, what would you do?”
Kyungsoo: “Ms. Park said I should explore acting. What about you? You can’t say dancing.”
Jongin: “Fashion design. I want my own collection one day. What are you most scared of?”
Kyungsoo: “Losing a loved one. How about you?”
Jongin: “Same. How many kids do you want?”
Kyungsoo: “Haven’t thought about it. How about you?”
“Two- a boy and a girl.” He laid stomach down to look at Kyungsoo and tickled him with a fuzzy pen he had on his nightstand, his legs swinging back and forth. “What do you look for in a person?”
“A partner?” Kyungsoo hadn’t given the topic much thought. He typically hooked up with any girl who showed him the slightest bit of interest whether he really liked her or not. But if he really could put it into words… “Someone who has a beautiful smile, someone with an innocent aura who is kind and loves to eat. What about yourself? Who is your ideal person?”
Jongin didn’t hesitate to answer. “Kindness goes without saying. Someone who is passionate about their dreams and who can support me with mine. Someone who I can share my happiness and sadness with.”
Jongin was that person for Kyungsoo. He wanted to be that person for Jongin. He leaned in for a kiss, but…
Jongin looked at the time and sprang up from his bed. “, my mom’s almost home! You have to leave!”
Kyungsoo lept up, as well.
Jongin took something out of his bag. It was a brown gift box tied together with a big brown ribbon. Kyungsoo looked closely at the box. It was riddled with cute images of penguins that were hand drawn by Jongin himself. Kyungsoo carefully unwrapped the present. Inside were customized sheets of music with ‘Music by Do Kyungsoo’ imprinted on the top.
Kyungsoo was floored. No one had put this much consideration into one of their gifts for him. He didn’t have enough time to make anything for Jongin.
“I know it’s not much, but…”
“Jongin. This is great! No one has personalized anything for me.”
Jongin shyly giggled.
“I better get going now. I don’t want your mom catching us in your room. Alone. She might get the wrong idea.”
“Kyungsoo… I have one more gift.” Jongin was bright red.
Kyungsoo anticipated another box descending from the ceiling but what he got was immensely more rewarding.
Jongin bent down and kissed Kyungsoo tenderly on the lips. “Your sixteenth kiss,” he breathily murmured against Kyungsoo’s lips.
Jongin’s lip tint tasted like peaches. He wanted to pull Jongin in for more kisses. Might as well make it 930,112 the way things were going. The sound of keys turning the front door lock stopped him from making a move.
“Hurry! Out the window! You’re parked on the street. She won’t suspect anything!”
Kyungsoo secured his keys, phones, and (most importantly) Jongin’s gift. He hopped out the window and glanced at
Jongin who was gesturing him to shoo. The last thing he heard before running across the lawn was Jongin welcoming him mom home.
He texted Jongin later that night.
Thank you for making my birthday memorable. Did you dress up for me today?
Guilty. Did you like it?
I loved it.
Jongin texted back a kiss emoji.
Kyungsoo was on cloud nine.
———————
Kyungsoo texted his crew and Jongin that he was ditching school the next day. He didn’t elaborate why but they sent him their well-wishes.
Kyungsoo didn’t want to tell them he was missing school because he was too busy worrying about putting together the perfect gift for Jongin.
“Mom,” he shouted before she left that morning. “What kind of gift should I get for someone who I like more than a friend?”
“By ‘more than a friend’ do you mean Jongin?”
Kyungsoo nodded.
Mrs. Do reflected on Soo’s initial question. “Something heartfelt can’t be bought in stores. I know you’ll think of something. You always do. You have an old soul.” Kyungsoo’s mother kissed him on top of his head.
“Jongin gave me personalized music sheets.”
“Like on ‘The Wedding Singer,’ you mean?” His mom left to her salon having just cracked the code for Kyungsoo.
Jongin was giving him a clue about what he wanted for his birthday. He may not have said things directly to Kyungsoo. He was too shy to do so. He spoke in movies and songs. It was Kyungsoo’s job to pay attention.
He sat on the couch. And thunk. And thunk. And thunk.
He got his guitar and strummed along with the rhythm of his contemplation. Kyungsoo began writing lyrics on the sheet music that Jongin gave him. The words flowed out of him like water. Talking about Jongin came easily to him. If anything, there weren’t enough words for Kyungsoo to describe Jongin.
By lunchtime he had written a full-length song.
The rest of his birthday plans for Jongin had to wait till the morning. Having no other afternoon plans, he decided to attend his afternoon classes.
——————————-
“What else did you do for your birthday?” Baekhyun queried on their way to their cars.
“Y’know, the traditional customs. Seafood soup. Opened gifts from my family. Blueberry cake.” He purposely excluded his birthday rendezvous with Jongin. They didn’t know about their other afternoon dates, why start now?
That answer seemed to placate his friends’ nosiness about his whereabouts.
Jongin, Baekhyun, Minseok, and Jongdae got inside his Tercel, Jongin sitting right behind Kyungsoo.
Baekhyun was in the passenger seat. “What the is this ?” he asked referring to the dangling bear.
“Don’t touch it, Baek.” Kyungsoo stopped it from twirling. “It’s my good luck charm.”
The other passengers except for Jongin side-eyed him. It was obvious where the bear came from. Or more like who the bear come from…
Kyungsoo dropped Jongdae and Minseok off at Baekhyun’s for a study session.
Jongin moved into the front seat and plugged his phone into the auxiliary cord. ‘Kiss Me More’ by Doja Cat and SZA started the soundtrack to their afternoon drive.
“Are you feeling better, Ksoo?” Jongin placed the back of his hand on Kyungsoo’s forehead to check for a fever.
“What? Oh yeah… I had something I needed to take care of this morning.”
“Is it okay now?”
“Better. Much better.”
————————
Mrs. Do heated up leftover seaweed soup for Jongin both in celebration of Kyungsoo AND his birthdays.
“We don’t always have to practice, Jonginnie. We can also do homework,” Kyungsoo nudged after their session. He and Jongin were sitting on his piano bench.
“And maybe some other things, hyung?”
“Like what? Do you want to run errands together? Should we braid each other’s hair?” Kyungsoo laughed. He was putting finishing touches on Jongin’s recordings.
“Wellll…” Jongin coyly began. “You’re probably aware that for all intents and purposes, I’m fairly inexperienced in a lot of things.”
“Yes. Because you’re a whole year younger than me.”
“I was thinking… hoping… wishing… praying… dreaming… that you could help me with the things I’m inexperienced with.” Jongin was now drawing circles on Kyungsoo’s kneecap with his pointer finger.
Something inside Kyungsoo’s joggers twitched. He was grateful that his hat was covering half of his face, hopefully it hid the reddening of his face. “What makes you think I have experience?”
Jongin’s fingers ‘walked’ up Kyungsoo’s thigh. “I’ve heard things and I’ve seen things and I think you’d be the perfect person to experiment with…”
Kyungsoo removed Jongin’s hand. “Till you get with your crush, you mean.”
Jongin looked disoriented but bounced back quickly. He massaged Kyungsoo’s thigh. His face was thisclose to Kyungsoo’s. “Right. Till I get with my crush.”
Kyungsoo swallowed. It was almost like the decision was made for him. Thankfully, the timer on his Apple Watch beeped. It was time to drive Jongin home.
They continued listening to Jongin’s playlist. ‘It Won’t Stop’ by Sevyn Streeter and Chris Brown played in the background.
“Think about it, hyung,” Jongin remarked as he unbuckled his seatbelt and unplugged his phone. “Oh… I won’t be able to ride with you tomorrow morning.” He frowned. “But you can drive me home.” He grinned.
Kyungsoo waved goodbye. Jongin discreetly went inside his house.
Had this been Jongin’s intention all along? Was Kyungsoo a practice quiz leading up to the final exam?
This didn’t change the plans he had for Jongin’s birthday.
Kyungsoo dashed home. He had a lot to prepare for the next day. If Kyungsoo was going be treated like a boyfriend with training wheels, he needed to behave like one. This was his first acting prospect and he planned to ace the audition.
——————————-
Kyungsoo didn’t have time to drive his friends to school. He had a limited window to get things done before school started. He loaded his guitar in the trunk of his car and went to his first stop.
Kyungsoo researched flowers and their meanings the prior night. He felt it was time to graduate from white roses to lavender roses, meaning love at first sight. He picked up a bouquet of fourteen of them for Jongin. He had the florist cut the stems till they were short enough to fit in that godforsaken sophomore locker. Kyungsoo decorated the locker with LED lights, streamers, and baby-sized balloons. He hired a student from the choir class to wear bear ears and deliver a singing telegram to Jongin’s home room class. He didn’t remember doing any of this for his previous girlfriends.
Kyungsoo had no idea how he would top this but he knew he didn’t have to. This was only a temporary arrangement. Who knew how long it would last?
He kept a close eye on Jongin during lunch to read his expressions. His hair was permed and he was dressed in an oversized pink sweater with teddy bears on it and a pair of loose fitting jeans. He looked cuddly. Kyungsoo wanted nothing more than to hug him from behind but he didn’t want to disturb Jongin’s peace. Jongin’s lunch celebration with his friends was severely subdued compared to Kyungsoo’s. His friends bought him a teddy bear cake and sang him ‘happy birthday.’and.that’s.about.it. Kyungsoo heard through the grapevine that Jongin had been the topic of everyone’s conversation for the second time that school year because of these extravagant birthday antics. Many wondered if Jongin had a secret girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or some deranged admirer. Many speculated that Jongin had done it all himself. Parts of Kyungsoo wanted to take credit for the high jinks. However, he didn’t know how it would affect Jongin’s relationship with his crush. He didn’t know if all this hubbub bothered Jongin. If it did, it didn’t read on his face that was decorated with pink shimmer that coordinated with his sweater. Kyungsoo couldn’t wait to drive him home.
But his afternoon classes seemed to go on foreverrrrr. He wished he could fast forward through them. He wanted to commemorate Jongin’s birthday. Alone. With him.
The final bell rang like the redeeming grace of God.
Chanyeol saved face for him by inviting the others to play video games at his house. “I’m sure you want to be alone… with your new friend,” he said as he batted his eyelashes.
Kyungsoo couldn’t have hugged Chanyeol any tighter.
Jongin stepped inside the passenger’s seat of the Tercel with the bouquet of roses in one hand and the box of cake in the other.
“So… how’d I do?”
Jongin’s eyes flashed at him. “You could have warned me, hyung. I’ve never wanted to crawl underneath a rock like I did today.”
Kyungsoo immediately felt guilty and regretful. Maybe he had gone too far?
“But…” Jongin picked up again. “I’ve never felt this special in my entire life. It felt like everyone’s eyes were on me for the right reasons. People were happy for me but they also wanted to be me. It didn’t matter if they spoke behind my back. They did it out of envy.” He planted a fat kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek. “They envy me because I have you and they don’t.”
“I don’t know what they’re jealous of. I didn’t even dress up. None of my clothes seemed adequate for the occasion.” He was dressed in a forest green sweater and black slacks.
Jongin shook his head. “I prefer being the one who dresses up. Something about you in all black is y to me. But seeing you put this extra effort is touching.”
Kyungsoo felt like a puddle of goo. He wasn’t used to people talking about him like this. “Should we set off now?”
“Hold on. Let’s take a picture for posterity.” Jongin took out his Polaroid while Kyungsoo made a peace sign. “Smile!”
Jongin waited for the picture to develop to hold it up to his heart like he did on Kyungsoo’s birthday. “Let me put on my playlist.” ‘Easy’ by DaniLeigh and Chris Brown streamed through the airwaves. He fed Kyungsoo some cake while he drove. “I hope wherever you take me won’t take too long. I have to be home by five.”
“Don’t worry, Cinderella. It won’t.”
Kyungsoo stopped in front of a playground.
Jongin looked dismayed. “We’re hanging out here. After all those stunts you pulled off earlier?”
“Don’t underestimate it.” Kyungsoo helped Jongin out of the passenger’s seat. “What should we do first?”
They had the park to themselves. Kyungsoo placed a Bluetooth speaker on a picnic table which allowed them to continue listening to Jongin’s playlist. They swung on the swing set and slid down the slide. They weren’t troubled that they were too big for the spring rockers. That didn’t stop the two from riding them. They probably had the most fun on the orbitron. They rode it till their arms hurt.
Kyungsoo went to his trunk to retrieve bottles of water and his guitar. He turned off the speaker just as ‘Me & U’ by Cassie was playing. He sat on the table while Jongin sat on the bench so he could sing directly to Jongin.
“I was able to decipher what you wanted for your birthday. A movie reference. Cute. Now, don’t laugh, but I titled the song ‘Rose’ since that’s been kind of a reoccurring theme in our, um, friendship.” Kyungsoo didn’t know how else to call their relationship. He didn’t want to overthink it. It was what it was.
Jongin clapped after the song was over. “Can I kiss you, hyung?”
Kyungsoo set his guitar down. “About that. I think we need to establish some boundaries. You’re barely fifteen. I think that’s still too young to do anything together. We need to limit it to kissing. Clothes on. On the bed is out of the question.”
Jongin took hold of Kyungsoo’s hand and traced the veins with his fingers. “When do you think we’ll get to do… stuff… together?”
“You think this is gonna go on that long? When do you think you’ll get with your crush?”
Jongin gave Kyungsoo a supplicating look.
“If we last that long, we’ll revisit the issue when you turn sixteen. And if we last any longer than that, we’re breaking it off when I turn eighteen.”
“Temporarily, right?”
“Sure.”
Jongin bit his lip. “When will we do… it?”
“Wouldn’t you prefer doing that with your crush?”
Jongin scolded Kyungsoo.
“Absolutely no with me till you turn eighteen. I think those conditions are fair.”
Jongin was completely quiet for a minute. “Yeah, that’s fair. Are we going public?”
Kyungsoo was surprised. “Nothing is official. I don’t think there’s any need to let people know.”
Jongin looked wounded.
“But we’ll be whatever on the low.” Kyungsoo checked the time. It was 4:15. They had at least a good half hour till he had to take Jongin home.
Children were starting to arrive at the park. Kyungsoo had an inkling about what they should do with the rest of their time together. He and Jongin grabbed the items from the picnic table and set off to Kyungsoo’s car.
“Ksoo, it’s still too early for you to drop me off.” Jongin was frowning but Kyungsoo was sure he’d make up for it the moment they found somewhere secluded to station themselves. They didn’t bother putting on any music. Kyungsoo didn’t want to waste any time.
The moment he put the car in park, he gripped Jongin’s face. “Do you trust me?”
“With my life,” Jongin whispered.
Kyungsoo moved his face closer to Jongin’s and began kissing him on the lips, slow at first but it escalated. “Hands above the waist,” he said when Jongin’s hands headed south.
They put the seats in the laying down position and carried on with their kissing, their arms wrapped around each other. Any time Jongin needed a break, Kyungsoo would kisses his neck. He wanted to but Jongin stopped him.
“No marks. My mom would be livid.”
Kyungsoo wanted to get on her good side so, of course, he acted accordingly.
When 4:45 p.m. rolled around, they positioned their seats back up and Kyungsoo drove Jongin home.
Jongin must have waited till his mom went to bed to text Kyungsoo.
I can’t wait to do that again. It was so much fun >3<
Kyungsoo couldn’t believe he was letting this happen.
———————-
The next month Kyungsoo and Jongin spent most of their afternoons kissing. They’d occasionally practice or do their homework. When his friends would question him about what he was doing, Kyungsoo gave them the same answer: “Studying.” Sometimes they wanted to invite themselves over. “We wouldn’t be able to concentrate if everyone was there,” Kyungsoo would say. He wasn’t exactly lying. More like he was stretching the truth.
To throw people off their scent, Jongin and Kyungsoo would only address each other with a head nod or a wave during school hours. Sometimes a ‘hello.’ But after school… after Kyungsoo would drive his other friends home… they got undoubtedly familiar. Incredibly, they also improved in their singing, studies, and dancing. Kyungsoo was acing all his classes. He was taking into consideration signing up for the dance class his junior year. Both boys had a pep in their step, simmering it down when they were around their close friends.
Kyungsoo’s mother was the only one who frankly knew what was going on. Seungsoo and Mr. Doh referred to Jongin as Kyungsoo’s peculiar friend and Kyungsoo didn’t give Jongin’s family any more motives to dislike him.
Things appeared to be going swimmingly well. Right on track.
That is until Valentine’s Day. It was customary for the school to hand out carnations for the holiday. There were three colors the students could choose from: pink carnations for fondness (mostly for friends), light red for admiration (for crushes), and dark red for love and affection (reserved for partners).
Carnations were delivered during the period before lunch to give students time to discuss over their meal and give thanks to the senders who had chosen not to remain anonymous. Kyungsoo and his friends would buy each other pink carnations as a joke. Those were a given every year. They didn’t bother to label them. This year Kyungsoo received nine carnations. Somehow wires got mixed up and a dark red rose presumably was sent by Wendy (according to the tag) and a light red rose was sent anonymously. Kyungsoo was hurt that Jongin didn’t send him a pink one, after all they’ve gone through.
The gang talked about their flowers during their lunch break. Some received light red roses from their flings on top of the ones they got from each other. Junmyeon got one from Bae Joo-hyun aka Irene, Baekhyun got one from Kim Taeyeon (oddly after him toying with her feelings), Chanyeol got one from Roseanne Park, and Sehun got one from Lalisa Manobal. Irene and Taeyeon were seniors, Rosie and Lisa were freshman. All were steady entanglements. Minseok, Yixing’s, and Jongdae’s were infrequent hookups, more of hit it and quit it types since they were more focused on their studies. They did JUST enough to get theirs.
Kyungsoo and his crew were debating who his other carnation could have come from. They were spit firing names when Baekhyun snapped his fingers. “I know who it is. It’s Im Na-yeon. She’s also a freshman. I bet you can ask Jongin and he’ll agree.”
That put Kyungsoo’s mind at ease. Speaking of Jongin, Kyungsoo needed to confront him. Kyungsoo was missing a carnation that should have came from him.
“I’ll catch up with you guys later. I have some unfinished business to take care of.”
Kyungsoo waited till Jongin was by the sophomore lockers to accost him. He stood behind the locker door for dramatic effect. Maybe Ms. Park was right. Kyungsoo did have a flair for making things climactic. He held back for Jongin to close the door. Jongin had a bunch of carnations to jam into the tight space. He looked beautiful in a pink baby tee with a big, fat red heart in the middle and white pants. His eyes were decorated with pink sparkles and heart confetti.
“Ksoo, you scared me!”
“I didn’t want to wait till the end of the day to speak to you. I don’t want to make things awkward between us, but…”
Jongin looked like he was on edge. “Kyungsoo, I can explain…”
“Explain what? How you forgot to send me a carnation? I sent you one. I bet you sent one to your ing crush.” Kyungsoo was trying to keep his voice down so no one could here them. This was a sensitive topic and if news got out…
But Jongin was befuddled. “Wait- what?”
“I got nine carnations. NINE. Seven from the homies and two from girls who like me, but none from you. I can’t believe… I remembered to send you a pink one. You couldn’t do the same for me? I swear to God. Sometimes I think you could be so ing selfish. You think just because you’re breathtakingly beautiful you can get away with things? You know what? I don’t even want it.”
Students were beginning to speculate that something was going on.
Jongin’s eyes welled up with tears. “I can’t believe you can be so ing… so ing… obtuse. You don’t deserve anything from me, much less a flower. I won’t be riding with you today. Or ever. I’ll clean my crap out of your locker. Forget about me. Forget we were ever… friends. I hope you have a nice life.” He shoulder checked Kyungsoo and stormed off.
Students were flat out gawking at the sight.
“We’re rehearsing a scene… for a play… it’s off-broadway. Off-off-broadway. You guys probably won’t see it,” Kyungsoo addressed the spectators.
One of which whom was Wendy. She was in front of Kyungsoo. “Soo, did you get my carnation?”
Kyungsoo began walking to music appreciation. Wendy tagged along. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. He didn’t understand why Jongin was so upset. If anyone should have been upset it should have been him. “Yeah, I got it.”
“What do you think?”
Kyungsoo didn’t strain himself to look at the poor girl. “I think you’re cool.”
“Don’t you think? I know ‘girlfriends’ aren’t in your vocabulary and you’re not looking for something long-term, but I want you know I’m a down chick.”
Kyungsoo cringed. No one should have to use that term to outline themselves. “Okay.”
She snatched him by his arm. “You know what that means, right? I’m down for whatever, whenever, wherever. Just say the word.”
Kyungsoo lugged her off. “I know what it means.” His gash wasn’t fresh. Jongin didn’t end something that was real to begin with. The saying goes ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.’ This seemed applicable to Kyungsoo. The two months he knew Jongin was nothing in the greater scheme of things. “Okay. That works for me.”
Wendy looked thrilled. She hugged Kyungsoo for a good few seconds. She had some stipulations which weren’t very low-maintenance of her at all. The opposite of a down chick. She wanted Kyungsoo to walk her to her classes. She wanted him to drive her. She wanted him to hold her books. She wanted him to spend time with her after school. She wanted him to take her off-site for lunch. Something he didn’t have the pleasure of doing with Jongin.
“I’ll do everything but that.”
“Oh… okay… maybe when I’m of age.”
Kyungsoo didn’t want it going till she was a junior.
She gave him one final hug before he went inside Mr. Zo’s classroom.
He looked at his friends inscrutably. “I guess I have an old lady now.”
His friends suspired in solace.
——————————-
“I, for one, am relieved,” Baekhyun honestly stated. “I didn’t like him. He was eerie and I am NOT saying that because he’s fruity. You know I accept all people. He was possessive. That type of behavior can turn borderline abusive.” He took a swig of his soda.
The unit were off-campus for lunch at a nearby diner. It was the only way to free themselves of Wendy who was now becoming their ninth member. It had been a week since she and Kyungsoo started dating.
“Seung-wan, I like. Although it feels like we replaced one tumor for another… except it’s socially acceptable to be seen with this one,” Baekhyun went on. “Tell me, have you made out yet?”
The friends’ heads lowered so Kyungsoo could freely speak without the waitresses hearing.
“Yeah, we have. I went over her place. We were watching some chick flick called ‘Valentine’s Day.’ I don’t know how it ended. We were face for the most part.”
“Hopefully she’ll something else…” Baekhyun fist bumped the others.
Kyungsoo dipped his fries into ketchup. He was refraining from minor details. How her room wasn’t as whimsical as Jongin’s. How he knew the movie was right up Jongin’s alley. How her lips weren’t as soft as Jongin’s. How her lip balm was repulsive. How he missed his afternoons with Jongin. Kyungsoo missed how honest and open Jongin was.
“I agree with Baekhyun, though,” Sehun returned back to their previous topic. “Jongin was creepy. He would ask questions about you before he met you. He would randomly bring you up once he got to know you. He doesn’t do that anymore. Thank God.”
Kyungsoo was confused. “I thought you said you two didn’t talk about personal stuff?”
Sehun bit his burger. “We didn’t… but that doesn’t mean you guys are off limits.”
That was in the past. Presently, Jongin didn’t want to hear more about Kyungsoo. And truthfully, Kyungsoo didn’t want to hear more about Jongin.
That was easy enough. None of Jongin’s classes were near his and both boys were good at dodging each other. Kyungsoo and his friends would sit in the middle of the quad for lunch. The padding squad would sit on the outskirts or inside the cafeteria. If Jongin was alone, he’d find refuge in one of his classes. His friends didn’t so much as greet Kyungsoo anymore. They acted like he didn’t exist. If they were paired up with him for their class, they’d immediately ask the teacher to switch partners. It seemed like things had gone back to how they were before December.
Sometimes when Kyungsoo was alone, he’d check his phone for any sign of life from Jongin only to find out Jongin had blocked him from everything.
It still didn’t make any sense to Kyungsoo why Jongin would cut him off. But Kyungsoo was busy now. He had a girlfriend. He didn’t have time for some kid he met two months ago.
“Hey dummy,” Chanyeol pulled him out of his inner-dialogue. “It’s time to go back to school.”
—————————-
Kyungsoo immersed himself in school. He did his homework on time, he signed up for golf, and he had regular meetings with his guidance counselor. He did as much as he could to steer clear from Wendy, but she had her ways of sneaking into his everyday life.
In addition to her initial requests, she criticized the way Kyungsoo dressed, convincing him to add more color to his wardrobe. She came up with a system for how Kyungsoo would divide his time between his friends and her. One weekend with them, then one weekend with her. The crew had to get creative how to hang out with Kyungsoo more often, forming study groups and signing up for a video game league.
For the next couple of months, Wendy tried her darnedest to move things along with Kyungsoo. They’d chill in her room, alone, with the door closed and she talked him into making out on the bed. Her hands would try to reach below the waist, but Kyungsoo would bring them back up, telling her it was too soon. He wasn’t kidding. Despite being far from al, Kyungsoo didn’t think it was right. He needed time.
————————-
Prom was in April. Only seniors and juniors could attend. Underclassmen could attend if they were invited by upperclassmen. It seemed unlikely that Kyungsoo and Sehun would go. Minseok was going with Kim Yer-im, a freshman who was friends with Irene and Wendy. Junmyeon had two dates- Irene (of course), his date from winter formal who was also a senior, and Kim Jisoo, who was a freshman, friends with Rosie and Lalisa. Yixing was going with Seulgi (Minseok’s date from winter formal), also a freshman who was friends with Irene and Wendy. Baekhyun was going with Taeyeon (obviously) who was a senior. Jongdae was going with Park Soo-young, a freshman who was also friends with Wendy and Irene. Coincidentally, she had a boyfriend but didn’t want to be left out of her friend group. And Chanyeol was going with Rosie, who had bought him a carnation for Valentine’s Day.
If the guys wanted to invite any of Jongin’s friends, they didn’t say anything. They knew some of their dates were friends of friends of his. They couldn’t call themselves Jongin’s close friends. They were more or less acquaintances. Kyungsoo was relieved by that. He still didn’t want anything to do with Jongin.
Prom was the weekend preceding spring break. The friends were scrambling to get everything together- their orders from the florist, their tuxes, the limos, dinner reservations, and hotel accommodations (for afterward ;) ).
“You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with this ,” Junmyeon directed to Sehun and Kyungsoo. “It’s draining my bank account and I have TWO dates.”
“Who are you hooking up with?” Baekhyun asked.
“Clearly Joohyun. The other one is a freshman, way too young for me, bro. I’m not looking to be anyone’s first.” Minseok, Yixing, and Chanyeol grunted. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that…”
Sehun cleared his throat. “Then there are two of us. Kyungsoo, got any plans that day? Wanna practice our swings?” Sehun has also joined golf, another way to spend more time with Soo.
It was the weekend before prom and they were all at scattered on Kyungsoo’s living room floor, solidifying the next weekend’s game plan.
Kyungsoo looked at his phone. “Can’t…next weekend is my weekend with Seung-wan. I think she wants to watch a prom movie. Ugh… if I have to sit through one more chick flick…”
“You won’t have to!” Sehun jolted. “Next weekend is the drama’s production of ‘Euphoria.’ Should be groundbreaking for a school play. We can go on a double date AND we can write about it for music appreciation. Kill two birds with one stone. We can have sushi after the show.” Sehun felt pretty proud of himself for coming up with such a revolutionary idea.
It wasn’t terrible.
“,” Kyungsoo realized. “I might have to cancel sushi. I… kinda… sorta… postponed… having with Seung-wan.”
The fellas stopped what they were doing to peer at Kyungsoo.
“She’s been bugging me about it since her fifteenth birthday.” Kyungsoo couldn’t truthfully tell you what he did for Wendy’s birthday. Maybe they went to the movies. Maybe they went to the mall. Maybe they made out in her room. He didn’t care,
either way. “I told her I didn’t feel comfortable. It’s been a minute since I’ve been on the saddle.” At least four months to be precise.
“You’re gonna need these.” Minseok gave him a box of condoms from his pocket. “What? Don’t look at me like that. You know I stay strapped.”
Kyungsoo gratefully took them. He didn’t want to use them, but it was a nice gesture.
—————————-
The following Monday, Kyungsoo bought four tickets for the play at lunch. The student at the box office told him those were the last tickets to be sold. Kyungsoo felt blissful, having been saved from one of Wendy’s cheesy film choices.
In between talks of promposals (was it really necessary if arrangements were already made? Kyungsoo guessed it was for theatrics) and color coordination, the boys asked Soo about the execution of his first time with Wendy. Whose house was it gonna be at? Were there gonna be any rose petals? Was there gonna be music playing?
Kyungsoo hadn’t factored any of these things. He didn’t want it to be in his room. He hadn’t given Jongin the luxury of going inside his room, why should he let Wendy? Roses were a no go. Those were his and Jongin’s flowers. And music… anything but R&B.
He wasn’t gonna tell Seung-wan any of this in case he backed out.
——————————-
Prom Saturday started with breakfast and pep talks. The guys had their zoom call which was routine for their major high school events.
Kyungsoo was happy for his upperclassmen buddies. He daydreamed about what his proms would look like. Would he and Seung-wan be together? Would he have another girlfriend? Would someone, perhaps, invite Jongin? Would Jongin be with his crush or one of his friends? Jongin definitely had his pick of the litter. When Kyungsoo happened to lurk by the freshman lockers, he could see Jongin chatting with guys and girls who were distinctly interested in him.
While the others got ready for the school dance, Kyungsoo and Sehun went over their evening plans- meet at the theatre at 6:45 p.m. and maybe dinner afterward.
Kyungsoo showered and put on a light brown sweater with black slacks. He wanted to look suitable for the occasion. At 6:30, he got calls from Sehun and Seung-wan. Sehun had to bail because Junmyeon needed assistance with one of his dates. Having two dates proved too much for him to handle. Thankfully, Irene had an extra ticket, but Sehun would have to spend time with Jisoo at Lisa’s behest. Lisa herself didn’t feel comfortable being with Kyungsoo without Sehun. They weren’t ‘cool like that’ from what she told Sehun. Wendy couldn’t go because of a family emergency. Kyungsoo had no other plans and didn’t want to wait in his room. He had also spent money from his singing lesson job to buy the tickets, he wasn’t gonna let them go to waste. He asked his family if they wanted to go, but they all had previous engagements. It looked like it was just gonna be him.
Since he wasn’t gonna meet anyone and seats were already assigned, there was no rush in getting to the theatre till the exposition. He walked brutally slowly and got to his seat. He was about to sit next to a person, but saw it was Kim Jongin and left three seats between them. Jongin looked captivating. He was wearing wide leg jeans and a flower polo sweater. Yellow eyeshadow adorned his face.
The play started with Rue’s untimely overdose. The production navigated through the lives of high school students and their interlaced stories, leaving out parts that were too explicit for the setting. Kyungsoo and Jongin were absorbed in the performance, their eyes never leaving the stage.
During intermission, Kyungsoo went outside for oxygen. He felt smothered. He didn’t think he could go back. Three people went up to him to inquire where they could get a ticket. He gave them the ones he had bought for his friends, not checking the seating order.
When the house lights flickered indicating the second half of the show, Kyungsoo decided the fear of seeing Kim Jongin wasn’t gonna stop him from catching the last half of the show.
That courage went out the window when he saw the ticket he was stuck with was right next to Jongin. If he didn’t return, he would have let Kim Jongin win this made up game he had started playing (that no one was keeping score of). He sat at his seat, neglecting the boy’s presence.
Things seemed to be going well until Kyungsoo felt a weight on his left shoulder. Literally. Jongin had fallen asleep and was using Kyungsoo as a pillow. Every time the boy fidgeted in his sleep, Kyungsoo caressed the bridge of his nose to lull him back. It only worsened the situation. By the curtain call, Jongin was cuddled into Kyungsoo’s embrace. Kyungsoo unknowingly wrapped his left arm around him to get him more comfortable.
Jongin was awakened by the sound of applause from the audience. He looked horrified when he saw what he had done.
He didn’t bring it up till they were both outside. “I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo. I don’t know what came over me. I’m exhausted from getting all my schoolwork done before break.”
Kyungsoo dismissed it. “Then you should have stayed home. Why are you here?”
He slowed down his steps and smoothly walked next to Kyungsoo. “Same reason as you. Dance classes require performance art papers, too. I wanted to get mine over with.”
Simple enough. “Do you need a ride home?”
“No, thank you. Wonsik or Moonkyu are coming to pick me up.”
“Ah, yes. I forgot they’re sixteen already.”
“Yep, unlike me who’s merely fifteen. Just like your girlfriend.”
That was a subtle way of bringing her up, Kyungsoo thought. “Yeah. Wendy. Seung-wan. She’s a Pisces, from what she tells me.” Kyungsoo wanted to add ‘you and i are Capricorns.’
“Yes, her. She’s in some of my classes and she interviewed me for her radio show one time. She likes to talk about you.”
Kyungsoo did a bad job of keeping up with his girlfriend. He overlooked Wendy’s radio show. He didn’t think he’d caught a full episode of it. He didn’t want to waste his time with Jongin by talking about her. He wanted to redirect the conversation. “What are you doing for spring break?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m going to the boardwalk with the padding squad.” Jongin didn’t ask Kyungsoo what he was doing. If he had, Kyungsoo would have said he was working on composing some songs for his final project and perfecting his swing.
“Why are you mad at me, Jongin?”
Jongin let out a breath he was holding in. “Kyungsoo… if you haven’t gotten it by now, you’re never gonna get it. My ride is here. I gotta go.”
Jongin shuffled to Moonkyu’s Kia Sportage.
Kyungsoo went to his Tercel, determined to do what he should have done two months ago.
He texted Seung-wan.
I’m ready
They settled on Kyungsoo’s house because it wasn’t occupied. No one was home yet. It took Wendy a little longer to get to his house because her mom was giving her a lift, something that wasn’t abnormal for her to do if Kyungsoo couldn’t drive her.
Kyungsoo didn’t know about setting the mood. His previous times were at house parties or in the backseat of someone’s car. He didn’t know what he should do for someone’s first time.
He sniffed through all his mom’s candles but they all reminded him of Jongin. He looked through Spotify to look for music but the one’s that he didn’t associate with Jongin were traditional Korean music or American country. Kyungsoo couldn’t come up with anything. Seung-wan would have to be complacent with a Glade plug-in and the smell of Febreze that Kyungsoo sprayed over his sheets.
She showed up wearing a velvety, burgundy form-fitting dress. “I bet you can’t wait to take this off.”
Kyungsoo was disgusted with himself for what he was about to do.
He silently took her upstairs to his room. It was boring compared to Jongin’s. It was decorated in grey, black, and white. A wooden desk faced the window. A stand with a tv was in the corner for his video games.
Wendy sat on the bed. “This is… delightful.”
The next events were a blur. Kyungsoo couldn’t remember who undressed who. He couldn’t tell you which positions they tried or the sounds Seung-wan made. All he recalled was being angry. He was angry that his room wasn’t as lovely as Jongin’s. He was angry that he spent two months of his life being dispensable to someone he used to think highly of. He was angry he had seen Jongin, sat next to him, and shared a moment with him. He was angry he was with Seung-wan. But most importantly, he was angry with himself for craving Jongin’s company so ing much.
After they got cleaned up, Kyungsoo walked Wendy out to her mom’s car. He didn’t have it in him to drive her home. He didn’t hear his parents coming home, but they must have gotten there when he was upstairs with her.
“I don’t like that girl,” was the first thing his mom said when he walked back inside the house. “She’s too forward, if you ask me. You know who I DID like? Jonginnie. Why hasn’t he been by lately?”
Kyungsoo was too tired to explain. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
——————————
The gang hung out at Chanyeol’s house the Monday following prom and the play.
“Dude. You couldn’t have saved my ticket stub?” Sehun was complaining that he’d have to find yet another event to attend now.
“I told you. I gave your ticket away.”
The group was back at square one.
The only other option was attending the spring dance recital.
“Do you think Jongin is gonna do another y dance?” Jongdae teasingly asked Sehun.
“I doubt it. Homeboy is depressed. Did I tell you he asked our teacher to switch partners? He’s partners with Taemin. My heart feels heavy. I used to copy his notes.”
“What subject is it, anyway?” Minseok inquired.
“Algebra.”
“You needed help with algebra? You could have asked us,” Junmyeon highlighted.
Sehun manhandled the couch pillow. “He owed me.”
“What do you mean he owed you?” Baekhyun was wary of anything involving Jongin.
“He owed me. Our agreement was he’d help me with my work in exchange for more information about Kyungsoo.”
“Helped you how?” Chanyeol was kindhearted and couldn’t fathom the thought of Sehun taking advantage of anyone.
“Well… you know… he did my work…”
The others were stunned. Sehun left that tidbit out of their conversation at the diner.
“Anyway, I doubt he’ll help us get tickets for the recital. Kyungsoo ed it up for the rest of us.”
“Pray tell, Kyungsoo. What DID you do?”
Kyungsoo eyes were on his red solo cup. He didn’t get to see who asked the question. “I got upset because he didn’t give me a carnation? And he told me I’m some kind of angle.”
They laughed.
Baekhyun was pleased. “That’s it? You don’t need a friend like that, Soo. Not when you have us. And Seung-wan. It’d be a downgrade, to be honest.”
They resumed talking about details from prom, namely who had . (Turns out it was only Junmyeon and Baekhyun. And Sehun with Lalisa).
“You’re not the only ones,” Kyungsoo disclosed. He wanted to contribute to the talk. He didn’t want to think about Sehun’s accordance with Jongin. It was hard enough writing his essay the day before. Hours of sitting at his desk and he only came up with a title. He’d have to binge the series and write the paper later that week.
“Welllll, how was it?” They were all staring at him curiously. He had the floor.
But nothing came out of his mouth. He tried to recall the event but he could only remember the disdain he had for Jongin. “It was… it was .”
Minseok freed him from having to going into details. “He’s too chivalrous to tell us!”
Kyungsoo felt sick to his stomach. “I gotta go. I told Seung-wan I would go over to her place. Probably go for round two. He he.”
His friends didn’t question him any further. They were happy to see him back to his old self.
Kyungsoo went home, though. He went straight to his room and slammed his head against his pillow and screamed. How could he fumble his chances with Jongin when all Jongin wanted to do is be his friend?
————————
Kyungsoo’s spring break was spent the way he intended on telling Jongin. He worked on his swing with Sehun. He tried writing songs, but the words weren’t coming. He watched ‘Euphoria.’ Him and Wendy did extracurricular activities when they weren’t watching her choice of cheesy movies. The crew would play sports in the afternoons and have dinner at restaurants in town. Kyungsoo even added more singing lessons for his students.
The week couldn’t go by fast enough.
He wanted Jongin out of his system. Seeing him at the play set him back and resurfaced feelings from February.
He needed to do what he did best: he needed to resort to his music to express his feelings. He wrote a melancholic song about a love lost with no recuperation in sight. It was like a farewell to Jongin.
That Sunday after a night with Seung-wan at her place, Kyungsoo clasped her close to his chest. “I’m remorseful. I haven’t been a good boyfriend. You deserve better. I promise I’ll listen to your radio show more often. I’ll be fully present when I’m with you.”
She had no idea what Kyungsoo was talking about. She didn’t know Kyungsoo would fantasize about Jongin when he was with her. She welcomed him in her embrace.
————————-
Planning for the next school year started the week after spring break. Kyungsoo found himself at the guidance counselor’s office.
“Of course, I’m going to take all my core classes. And I was thinking of taking Drama and Home Ec as my electives?”
Part of wanting to be a better boyfriend to Wendy was trying to invest himself in her interests. And on second thought, dance was no longer an option for his second elective.
“That’s fine, dear. But I have to remind you that you need to take one more year of gym.”
This was sort of embarrassing for Kyungsoo. Gym was usually taken by freshman and sophomores. But because most of his friends were upperclassmen, he only took gym freshman year when Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Yixing were sophomores.
It looked like his classes were set. He had to tell his friends that there might be a kink in their pact.
He broke the news at lunch.
“I’m sorry, guys. But unless you sign up for home ec, drama, or P.E., we won’t be able to see each other except for lunchtime.”
The boys were intrigued by drama and said they’d probably sign up for it, but home ec was a no go. Sehun declined taking P.E. sophomore to take a different class, instead. He wanted to join dance alongside Yixing and Baekhyun.
It was only natural that the friends would go their own ways and do what spoke to them the most as they got closer to graduating.
“That’s fine,” Kyungsoo concluded. “As long as we all meet at lunch.”
The remaining students pinky swore that they would.
—————————
Pretty soon it was May. Only a few more weeks till school was over.
Everyone except for Kyungsoo still needed subjects for their last music appreciation essays.
“Soo didn’t entirely us over.” Sehun found a way to get dance recital tickets through someone who wasn’t Jongin. “Lisa is friends with Jennie who was able to get us eighteen tickets. The only catch is I have to go with her. As a date. She’s really tryna push this into becoming a thing and because we really need to pass this class, I’m letting her do this solid for us.”
“Do Seung-wan and I really have to go?” Kyungsoo asked. “Can’t we give our tickets to someone else?”
“Are you ing out on us, Soo? Sehun is willing to put aside his other hoes for us just for you to say you don’t want to go. You sound really ungrateful and self-centered right now. You and Jongin go to the same school. You’re bound to see each other more often unless you switch schools.” Baekhyun was correct. Kyungsoo couldn’t avoid Jongin forever and as tempting as it was to enroll in a different high school, it would also be very, very dumb. His friends and his girlfriend were at this one.
“Okay, I’ll go. But I’m not gonna like it. And we better sit in the back this time.”
——————————-
The recital was similar to the fall semester’s. It was a week before finals and would showcase similar genres to different scores. They were able to find seats all the way in the back which was perfect for Kyungsoo. He didn’t want to be that up close and personal with Jongin. He didn’t like how they left things after the play. Jongin had drawn a line in the sand and it was clear where they both stood.
But Kyungsoo was in an excellent place in his life- his loved ones were happy and healthy, he had stellar grades, and he couldn’t have asked for a better girlfriend. He wasn’t about to throw it all away for someone who was labeled as a tease by all his schoolmates. That would be an almost comical thing of him to do.
He didn’t look at Jongin during the first half of the show. During intermission, he and Wendy had an intellectual debate over which performance was the best. Kyungsoo would wince every time she said Jongin’s name. It was apparent that he was one of her favorite dancers which couldn’t have been worse for Kyungsoo. Jongin’s solo performance was last again and Kyungsoo planned on leaving ahead of the start of the stage, but Wendy wouldn’t budge. Kyungsoo knew that if he made a point to leave, she would become skeptical about what was going on so he stayed.
The performance couldn’t be more different than the one in December. It was somber. It wasn’t Kai. It was very much Kim Jongin. He was dancing to ‘We Belong Together’ by Mariah Carey. It was raw. It was minimal. It exuded pain. Kyungsoo didn’t know who hurt Jongin, but he wished he could kiss it away.
The performance ended with Jongin in tears. Kyungsoo wanted to run to him and apologize profusely. Whatever was said and done didn’t matter. He may not have been Jongin’s crush but Jongin was his. No matter how hard he tried to tuck it in the back of his brain, the feelings remained.
Wendy’s squeeze on his left hand shifted his focus. He couldn’t run after Jongin. He could no longer kiss him. Not when his girlfriend was sitting to his left.
It was a fleeting moment. Seung-wan wanted to go over his house that night, but Kyungsoo told her he still had to finish his music appreciation homework. He feared writing about the dance recital would only motivate him to write about Jongin again. He chose to write about the toxicity of high school relationships based on the play he watched with Jongin.
It garnered another talking to from Mr. Zo who was concerned Kyungsoo was stuck in a tumultuous relationship. Soo assured him that it wasn’t the case and he was as exuberant as ever.
As he completed every final one by one, he had more time to think because he didn’t have to study anymore. He couldn’t sleep. It was becoming increasingly difficult to be distracted by every day life. He would seek Jongin in the crowd. He’d stare at him during lunchtime. Kyungsoo went through the trouble of cleaning his locker to see if there were any remnants of Jongin. There were. There was the picture of them from the winter semi-formal taped on the inside of the door. There was also a brown box tied by a red ribbon. Inside was a hand-knitted, red scarf with a note that read ‘To my forever valentine. From: Your Jonginnie.’
Kyungsoo had a chance to make it right.
He created fake profiles on social media to get Jongin to reply to him. Jongin would humor them but would ultimately report them. Kyungsoo had to admit it was a new low.
It was hard to enjoy exciting moments with his friends. His mind was elsewhere at Junmyeon and Minseok’s graduation. He couldn’t remember congratulating them. He didn’t remember giving them gold chains from Tiffany & Co., something he and his friends had all chipped in for.
He could give vague details about the pool party they had to celebrate Junmyeon and Minseok. He thinks he drank. He sang during karaoke. And he believes he had with Seung-wan. Nothing stood out to him. His mind was clouded thinking about how lovely it would be if he could have sat next to Jongin at the ceremony and how Jongin would tease them for coming up with gold chains to commemorate their friendship. He indulged himself with fantasies about how good he would feel engaging in intimate activities with Jongin- how would he feel with his mouth around Kyungsoo? how would he feel riding Kyungsoo? how would he feel underneath him? how would it feel to be inside of him? would he be noisy? He’d probably egg Kyungsoo on and beg him not to stop. But when Kyungsoo would look, it wasn’t Jongin on his bed and he wasn’t on Jongin’s bed.
His friends and girlfriend didn’t notice. To them, Kyungsoo was having an existential crisis. Maybe. Things weren’t making sense to him. But they knew he’d bounce back. Kyungsoo knew he needed more things to fill up his time. He needed a job. One where he had to clock in. One where he’d have steady hours. One where he’d have to pay attention otherwise he’d up their flow.
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