—------*----------

‘Chaeyoung?’ 

 

Her soft brown eyes look up, with a gist of startle. The coated brunette probably thought that no one would come out of the dormitory so late at night.

 

오늘은 무슨 일인 거니? 울었던 얼굴 같은걸

What happened today? It seems like you were crying

 

She opened , only to close it again, turning back to the side of the staircase of their condo, facing the dark silhouette of the Seoul city landscape from their 39th level floor. 

 

Mina doesn’t ignore the scattered tissues laid beside her, which she hurriedly pushed behind her coat. The little sniffles that she makes, though significantly lesser now that she knew she was there.

 

그가 너의 마음을 아프게 했니? 나에겐 세상 젤 소중한 너인데

Did he hurt your heart? You are the most precious person to me in the world.

 

Mina stood there, silently, unsure of what to do. She wasn’t good at comforting others, as like how she doesn’t know how to sort out her own emotions. How does one help others when one can’t sort out themselves? She usually sat at the side as the other members comforted each other, at most giving a listening ear or hugs if they needed them. I .

 

A bristle of cold wind hit Mina’s exposed knees, floating through her thighs, with the short skirt she was wearing. The coat she hurriedly placed on wasn’t enough it seems.

 

‘Unnie.’ 

 

Soft warm fingers grasped at her left leg, inching up to her waist. Mina sat down, moving closer to the girl. The younger girl completely fell into the arms of the older, headfirst to her chest. 

 

‘Chaeng it’s okay. It’ll be okay.’

 

Chaeyoung finally let down whatever she was holding back, sobbing harder into Mina’s neck. 

 

—------*----------

자판기 커피를 내밀어 그 속에 감춰온 내 맘을 담아

The vending machine coffee I hold out to you is filled with the feelings I've been hiding.

 

‘Let me bring you somewhere.’

 

Chaeyoung glanced up, her dimple flashing as she stared at the girl who was only looking ahead, holding her hand. ‘Do you want to change first? Aren’t you cold?’

 

‘It’s alright. Unnie doesn’t mind the cold.’ 

 

—------*----------

 

고마워...오빤 너무 좋은 사람이야 그 한마디에 난 웃을 뿐

"Thanks… Oppa is such a good person" at those words I only smile

 

‘Here.’ Mina places a cup of steaming hot chocolate onto the hand of the still confused Chaeyoung. They were standing at the top of a small park, Mina placing another coin to the old vending machine. The blinking girl takes a sip from the foaming brown liquid as she glances at the quaint scenery in front of them.

 

‘You remember this place?’ Mina muttered, as she took the other cup now complete from the flap of the machine. 

 

‘Hmm. Sorry.’ Mina could feel the hesitation from Chaeyoung, but nonetheless, felt the small stab in her heart when she heard the answer. ‘We used to come here, remember, after school?’

 

‘In highschool?’ 

 

‘Yeah. Is okay. It’s been like… five… six years?’ Mina walks them over to a small bench at the edge of the viewing panel. It was small but it gave a perfect view of the cityscape, without any of the newly bloomed cherry trees blocking their way. ‘I come here once a while, when I need some air. It’s still the same perfect place.’

 

‘I remember now. Sorry Mina. I feel like we haven’t hung out much. We used to come here often.’ Chaeyoung looks at Mina, who smiles back. ‘No worries. I’m always here. I understand. You’re busy.’  

 

‘You’re busy too.’

 

‘I spend my days playing games. Being in a relationship is different.’

 

Mina knew it all but this was not a conversation she wanted to have. She thinks Chaeyoung knows it too. They were just dancing away from the main reason they were here. 

 

Chaeyoung stays quiet, kicking her feet before sighing out loud. 

 

‘It is hard.’

 

‘Mhmm.’ Mina takes a glance at the girl beside her, whose face was being illuminated by the soft glow of the moon and the street lights, the dropping dead leaves making it all seem so magical. Her heart thumps a beat, she quickly turns away, looking up at the gray moon, so wistfully.

 

‘I want to go back to simpler times ah, Minari.’ 

—------*----------

혹시 넌 기억하고 있을까? 내 친구 학교 앞에 놀러 왔던 날 우리들

연인 같다 장난쳤을 때 넌 웃었고 난 밤 지새웠지

Do you remember? Me, who was hanging out in front of my friend's school

When we pretended like we were a couple, you laughed and I stayed up all night

 

flashback

Mina stands at the front of Chaeyoung’s school, tapping on her phone as she awaits the bell to ring. They always went to the agency together, with Mina going to get Chaeyoung after school for their lessons. 

 

‘Minari!’ The sound of her best friend’s voice lifts her up from her daze, quickly mastering a smile as the girl crashes into her. ‘School was horrible today…’ Mina hugs the girl tighter, hoping it will make it all feel better. 

 

They were broken apart by some sudden catcalling and Mina blushed profusely, looking at the crowd of boys behind them. ‘Ignore them, they’re my stupid classmates. Let’s go to practice!’

 

She remembers the running, the almost-being late to their lessons, gasping at the back of class after dance, the cup noodle runs after class. 

 

‘Your house or my house tonight?’ 

 

‘Yours. My parents got some guests over, they told me to stay at yours.’ Mina sputters, as she takes a slurp from the spicy ramen soup.

 

‘How convenient, now my house is just a place for your parents to let you stay in huh? I should collect rent now.’ 

 

‘Ehh? I’m sure you stay at mine more than I do yours… please.’ 

 

‘Whatever.’ Mina sees the soft smirk on her face and laughs. 

 

니가 웃으면 나도 좋아 넌 장난이라 해도

When you laugh I feel good too, even when you say it's just pretend

 

‘Mina. Do you think we can debut soon?’ Chaeyoung whispers softly, both girls laid in bed. 

 

Mina turns over, it’s been a while since they turned off the lights and was supposed to be sleeping, but she was awake as usual. 

 

‘I’m sure. I heard there’s going to be an official lineup after our next evaluation.’ Mina looks at the girl, whose body was turned towards her too, her eyes sparkling with the knowing expectation. 

 

‘Aren’t you scared?’ Mina sees Chaeyoung furrow worriedly. ‘What if we don’t make it?’ 

 

‘We’ll get through it together. That’s all that matters to me.’ 

 

With that, Chaeyoung smiles. You always know what to say. And that was all that Mina needed too, always. 

 

They’ll make it together.

—------*----------

널 기다렸던 날, 널 보고 싶던 밤 내겐 벅찬 행복 가득한데

You bring happiness to the days when I wait for you, the nights when I miss you

After debut, Chaeyoung spent more time making new friends, and Mina sees the childlike excitement of being in the new space, of meeting new people, of being a celebrity. It was different. 

 

Dahyun and Nayeon dragged Chaeyoung along to the parties, Mina staying behind, preferring the solace of their dormitory and the soft music of her games. 

 

That was probably where they grew apart. 

—------*----------

‘Mina? Can you come with me please? This once? I wanna introduce you to some awesome people I've made friends with!’ Chaeyoung grasps at her hands, pouting as she desperately tries to get her best friend to comply. 

 

Mina would’ve but that day was different. 

 

She woke up to a notice from her manager that a creepy stalker fan had managed to hack into her accounts and gained access to her private information. She was utterly afraid, unsure of what the stalker had managed to attain. All her bank accounts and phone were frozen, so at least it wasn't touched. But… her private instagram became public and she had to delete everything. All her pictures of the past… her childhood… with chaeyoung. 

 

What if everyone starts to realise? What if she's exposed? What if she accidentally implicates Chaeyoung in this?

 

‘I- I want to, but not today ah, Chaeyoung. I have to go home for a while.’ 

 

‘Okay.’ She was grateful that Chaeyoung didn’t pry, though it stung, of her not exactly wanting to know more. But she knew that Chaeyoung just didn’t want to force it out of her. 

 

‘Next time? Okay? Promise unnie?’ 

 

Mina nods, hopeful that the episode will tide over and that she’ll be comfortable going out with her again. Without worrying stupidly.

 

When she found that Chaeyoung was brought back by a guy, she blinks a little too much but makes sure she’s the one that brings the drunk girl to her bed. 

 

‘What happened to you?’

 

‘I don’t want to be number two!’

 

‘What?’ Mina mutters, confused, as she drags the girl to the toilet, laying down clothes for her to change. 

 

‘Mina. I want to be number one.’ 

 

Chaeyoung grabs her by the shoulder, her drooping eyes glancing at hers and Mina freezes. 

Number one of?

 

‘It hurts.’ Chaeyoung says before falling onto Mina’s arms.  

 

Mina desperately wanted to know why her favorite person was hurting, and what she wanted to be number one of, but seeing the girl’s state, she just left it as it is, helping her change and draping a wet cloth on her before leaving the younger tucked in her bed.

—------*----------

나는 혼자여도 괜찮아 널 볼 수만 있다면

Even when I'm alone it's okay if I can just see you

 

Chaeyoung holds her phone, seeing the small forum message, reading ‘Myoui Mina’s secret girlfriend?’ 

 

‘Where did you find this?’

 

‘It blew up on the insider’s side today. It’s been taken down but it seems credible, i heard PD-nim had a talk with Mina today.’ her friend mutters, his eyes glancing at the girl who seemed shocked.

 

Who would it be? She would’ve told me right?

 

Is that why she hasn't been coming? Maybe something happened at her side that’s why she said she couldn’t come just now. 

 

Her heart bursts thinking about it. But she leaves her phone at the side. ‘Let’s go drink. I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s fake! Mina would’ve told me!’ 

 

Chaeyoung laughs, dragging her friend to the others, seeing Nayeon wave at her. She doesn’t want to bring the mood down.

 

늘 너의 뒤에서, 늘 널 바라보는 그게 내가 가진 몫인 것만 같아

I'm always behind you, I'm always looking out for you, but it seems like I have to share

—------*----------

친구들 지겹다 말하지 늘 같은 노랠 부르는 나에게 하지만 그게 바로 내 마음인걸 그대 먼 곳만 보네요...

My friends are tiresomely telling me, me who's always singing songs like this

But I know these are just my feelings, I can tell you're in a different place…

 

Since that day, Mina tried desperately to try to stay away from Chaeyoung as much as possible, so that no one could link that she had feelings for the girl. 

 

She did not want to implicate her. Having rumors going around about her uality already hitting hard enough, she did not want Chaeyoung to suffer for something that she did not place upon herself. It was her responsibility.

 

But it didn’t help that Chaeyoung herself was distancing from her too. 

 

After that night, they never hung out one-on-one again, the latter never invited her to another party or drinking session, or even came to find her to talk about interesting things that happened to her that day. Mina couldn’t let her disappointment and confusion show but she wonders if it’s due to her newfound uality too. 

 

That her best friend was probably disgusted by her too.

 

‘Mina, what are you working on?’ Mina hears a voice at the door, hoping it was her dimpled friend, but it was Nayeon instead, walking towards her.

 

‘Um…nothing. I was just writing in my journal on my game progress.’

 

Nayeon wordlessly leaned in from the back to give the younger girl a hug. 

 

‘What unnie?’ Mina turned back, only to be met by eyes glistening in tears.

 

‘It’s been tough on you. Please know that I accept you, you are perfect the way you are.’ 

 

Mina choked upon hearing that. ‘ You…heard ?’

 

‘It doesn’t matter. Just know that we are here for you, okay?’ 

 

Mina nodded, turning back to Nayeon, as all of her barriers broke free. Whatever that she has been keeping in her heart for the past month came apart, collapsing onto the arms of her older member.

 

It’ll be okay.

—------*----------

혹시 넌 그날 내 맘을 알까? 우리를 아는 친구 모두 모인 밤 Do you understand what I felt on that day? On the night we gathered at a mutual friend's

술 취한 널 데리러 온 그를 내게 인사시켰던 나의 생일 날
On my birthday, when you introduced me to the drunk guy who had brought you

 

‘Happy birthday Mina.’ 

 

It’s been two months since then and it has been going great. The members have slowly come to her one by one, expressing their support for her uality. Sometimes Mina wonders what exactly was her uality, since all she knew was that she liked Chaeyoung. 

 

Chaeyoung, the name only reminds her of bitterness now, seeing the lack of conversations they have had recently. To know that everyone supported her except for her, made her feel like running away. 

 

From the person that made her want to be here in the first place. 

 

The person that made her the person she was today. 

 

The person she wished she was with tonight. 

 

니가 좋으면 나도 좋아 니 옆에 그를 보며

If you're good then I'm good too but when I look at the guy who's standing next to you

 

She looked disgruntledly at the couple standing at the corner, Chaeyoung leaning to the man standing stiffly in the group. It was the same guy as that night. She blinks a couple of times, bringing up a smile as she continues to sing along with her members, enjoying the soft presence of the darkened room with the warmly lit candles

 

‘Mina make a wish!’ 

 

나완 너무 다른, 난 초라해지는 그에게 널 부탁한다는 말 밖에

He's too different from me, all I can do is say "Nice to meet you" to this shabby looking person

 

‘Mina, J. J, Mina.’ She forces a smile, shaking the rather huge hand of the man Chaeyoung came with tonight. She looks at the wrinkled white blouse and the crystal necklace that lay on both of their chests, glistening. ‘Nice to meet you.’

 

I wish that I could be your number one, Chaeng.

—------*----------

널 울리는 사람과, 위로 밖에 못하는 나
The difference between me and the person who makes you cry is that all I can do is comfort you

 

The only communication Mina had from Chaeyoung was when she came home crying, or when she was drunk. 

 

Mina had this subconscious ability to know when to go and where to find the girl. 

 

Some nights she would be making ramen and she would notice the door left open, and she would always be at the staircase, waiting for her.

 

니가 웃으면 나도 좋아 넌 장난이라 해도

When you laugh I feel good too, even when you say it's just pretend

 

Mina would stay with her, listening if needed, but never did anything more than she asked. 

 

More often than not, they would end up at Chaeyoung’s bed, the younger wrapped around her but she would leave after she hears the soft snores, knowing her boundaries. 

 

The older brunette slips away in the night and Chaeyoung would only wake to a whiff of her jasmine scent.

 

널 기다렸던 날, 널 보고 싶던 밤 내겐 벅찬 행복 가득한데

You bring happiness to the days when I wait for you, the nights when I miss you

나는 혼자여도 괜찮아 널 볼 수만 있다면 난

Even when I'm alone it's okay if I can just see you

 

Mina would hug her own penguin plushie, the one Chaeyoung got her back in highschool. Always her pillow when she’s asleep. 

 

She would wake to play Minecraft, build Legos and talk to her family. As repetitive as it would seem, she wouldn’t have asked for more. A life of peace and happiness, the happiness albeit from being a distance from her favorite person. 

 

As long as I'm with her. I’ll make sure to make her happy when she’s down.

 

She gets a sense of responsibility from that and no matter whatever complicated friendship they had, she’ll never leave her sad just to appease her own selfish feelings that wasn’t Chaeyoung’s fault in the first place.

늘 너의 뒤에서, 늘 널 바라보는 그게 내가 가진 몫인 것만 같아

I'm always behind you, I'm always looking out for you, but it seems like I have to share

—------*----------

Present time

 

The Mina tonight felt a little selfish.

 

Mina takes out her airpods from her pocket, taking one out and placing one in Chaeyoung’s right ear. ‘Any song requests?’

 

‘No. You pick.’ Just as I thought.

 

Mina already had one in mind. The one song that she always hums and sings softly at night after Nayeon introduced it to her a year ago. The song that was beautiful yet reminds her of the bittersweet situation she was in and probably never going to get out of. 

 

She thumbs Chaeyoung’s palm a little, feeling a little panicky, but throws a ‘whatever’ in her head and quickly presses the song before she could change her own mind. 

 

As the soft few drum beats and guitar strums flowed into their ears, Chaeyoung grabbed their clasped hands and placed them in front of her, blowing some hot air to them. ‘Keep you warm, unnie.’

 

Stop it Chaeng.

 

Mina smiles. ‘Thank you. I’m really warm, thank you.’ Her body shivers a little at that, exposing herself entirely. 

 

‘It’s okay unnie. I’ll keep you warm.’

 

After listening to a few beats, the silence made Mina’s heart beat harder and harder. Regret filling her lips, seeping down as she looks at Chaeyoung, who had her eyes closed. 

 

Maybe this was a mistake. 

 

‘Unnie. Is this your favorite song? I always hear you listening to it in the shower.’

 

‘Well. It’s nice.’ 

 

When you laugh I feel good too, even when you say it's just pretend

You bring happiness to the days when I wait for you, the nights when I miss you

Even when I'm alone it's okay if I can just see you

I'm always behind you, I'm always looking out for you, but it seems like I have to share

 

The chorus comes and Mina holds her breath. She knows Chaeyoung was looking at her now. She wants to hit herself as the first tear drops down her cheek. Stupid ah Mina ah. Why did you choose this song when you’re just going to cry?

 

‘Mina?’ 

 

She quickly stands up, grabbing her phone as she runs away, her vision glassy. She doesn’t know where she plans to go, but she knew she just needed to get away. 

 

The song continues to fill her left ear, the lyrics continuously hitting her heart. Unable to breath, she staggers to a side alley. Luckily, it was dark and it was a secluded area. No one would be here to spot her, the last thing she needs is someone to see a crying ‘Myoui Mina’. 

 

*bluetooth connected*

 

She forgot that Chaeyoung had her other airpod and hearing this, she knew that Chaeyoung was nearby. 

 

‘Mina?’ She hears the voice behind her, so softly.

 

Mina takes a step forward, wanting to run again as tears threaten to spill again. But her legs were lethargic, probably from all the cold she has been withstanding. 

 

‘Unnie. Please don’t go. Look at me please?’ She feels a hand on her right elbow. She breathes a few times, trying to calm down. ‘It’s okay.’

 

Mina finally turns, but she doesn’t look up, knowing that she’s unable to meet the gaze of the person in front of her. 

 

A thumb pushes her chin upwards and the last thing she saw was brown orbs filled with tears as she felt Chaeyoung’s lips on hers. Mina stood stunned for a few moments, before letting herself sink into the kiss. She tastes the other’s strawberry-flavored (one that she smelled before but now she knows the taste) hungrily, letting her tongue in before Chaeyoung bit her lip, pausing it as snot ran down her nose. 

 

‘Ah ew! I’m so sorry!’ They giggled, both of them trying to clean their noses with the tissue Mina took from her pocket. Mina’s flushed, she definitely is, but she felt as if a whole weight had been off her chest, all her knots undone by the simple action of the girl before her. 

 

Chaeyoung pauses, taking Mina’s hands as she looks back at her, smiling with the dimples Mina loves. ‘Mina, I love you. I don’t know for how long. But I've always had. I never liked him. I broke up with him a few months ago already. I’m sorry. I know that you have someone you like. I shouldn't have done that.’

 

‘Wait what? who? ‘ Mina stood astounded. She was b with happiness, from what Chaeyoung just told her. ‘I love you ah, Chaeng.’ 

 

‘But? Your girlfriend?’ It was now Chaeyoung’s turn to stutter. 

 

‘What girlfriend? I’ve never had one ah, Chaeng.’ Mina almost wanted to laugh, when everything came clear before her. ‘Don’t tell me it’s because of the leak that happened a while back… Chaeng, the rumors were because of you… I had too many pictures with you ah… But they didn’t manage to capture who it was before we took it down. So they just knew it was me with a girl.’ 

 

‘Oh. i’m so stupid.’ 

 

‘Ah. We’re so stupid. I should’ve talked to you about it, but I was scared that you avoided me because you were disgusted by me.’ 

 

‘Oh my god… I'm so sorry Minari. I didn't mean to—’  Chaeyoung’s apology was stopped short by a peck the other gave. 

 

‘It’s alright. We’re here now.’ 

 

‘I won’t ever let you feel like you’re only a good person to me ah, Minari. You’re so much more than that.’ 

 

Mina can only smile as tears rolled down her face again. But Chaeyoung’s fingers are there now, tracing her tears to every mole on her face. ‘You’re the most beautiful to me.’

 

‘No one will compare.’ 

—------*----------

That night, the room of the youngest three had an addition. 

 

And she never left her bed that night, having found the original owner of the pillow and she’s all she ever needs.

 

I'm always behind you, I'm always looking out for you, and it seems like I don’t have to share

 

We don’t have to share anymore.  

 

They woke up with the most peace they’ve had, a mixture of strawberry and jasmine as they walked out of the room, with the smiling seven waiting for them at the table.

Home .