I don’t know if I was trying to rekindle a small flame or merely setting ablaze a tiny spark. Either way, I knew I just wanted to see her.

Subconsciously, that is. I never knew what walking into a dive bar with my old high school classmates would bring me. I felt bad not being able to attend the last reunion, so I figured I could make it up for this one.

I had no friends here. Real ones, anyway. I recognize some people—creased up faces and all, they all surprisingly look the same. They were seated around a long, dark acacia table, laughing with their whole bodies on their stools. That’s when I saw Tiffany looking amused at something some classmate said at the far end, with empty seats beside her and across her. I quickened my pace, avoiding people recognizing me, but muttering “hey” to those who do.

I raised my hand awkwardly once I’m adequately near her. It’s not considered a wave; I just don’t want to raise any more attention to myself. Tiffany knows how me being in social events is like taking care of a baby. She beamed and gestured me to sit next to her.

A life saver.

The guy whose surname was probably Han handed me a shot glass of clear liquid, of which I could only assume is soju. I don’t drink. I stared at the contents for a little while and gave Tiffany an “Is there any way to escape this?” look. She gave a pitiful one in response. I take it as a no.

“Taeyeon-ssi, you didn’t come by the first time!” Probably Han said, his voice a megaphone. I wonder what his career is. If it’s not related to advertising or fitness instructor, I’d be very disappointed.

“I got caught up at work, sorry,” I rubbed the back of my neck and gave a lopsided smile.

“Tiffany here was just talking about you,” some girl in front of us was now speaking. She had a high ponytail, glossy red lips, and a fitted ribbed sweater that shows off her collarbones. “I heard you’re working at an art gallery?”

“Something like that?”

“It’s art curator, Jinhui,” Tiffany chuckled, correcting the ponytail girl. I think Jinhui borrowed a mechanical pencil from me once during history and that was the extent of our interaction in high school. “She’s actually pretty high in demand right now.” My best friend nudged me with her shoulder, almost spilling the glass of soju between my fingers. Bless her soul, but I’m sure my face is as red as a tomato. I’ll strangle her later for that.

“Are you gonna drink that or what?”

The voice didn’t belong to the people I was talking to. I looked back at the looming figure behind me.

That’s why I felt like a hole was burning at the back of my head. She had her eyebrows knitted, arms crossed, waiting for me to reply.

When words found its way back to me, I answered, “Will you help me?”

She rolled her eyes and took the glass. “You big baby,” she said before gulping down the bitter drink without blinking. Me, an empath, winced, instantly reminded of the taste as her Adam’s apple bobbed to drinking it. She slammed the glass onto the table, winked, then skipped to her seat opposite me.

If there is a god, I would thank them.

But she’s right in front of me. I caught a whiff of different kinds of alcohol, I could be drunk—she looks like she’s shining. As if there was randomly a spotlight in this bar, it was illuminating her. Only her.

Jessica Jung.

Age treated her well. She looked like someone who came out of a drama series. She could be in Goblin, or whatever famous romcom series is relevant these days.

“She’s filming for Lee Dongwook’s new drama as a supporting character,” Tiffany whispered as if she read my mind.

Registering the words took way too long for me. “Sorry, what?!” I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth.

Our side of the table chuckled at my reaction. Guess I’m the only one here who lives under a rock. I should just hide under the table. That would be a sound plan.

Before I could begin ducking under the table and shrivel up into a ball to die of shame, Jessica offered me a freshly opened brown bottle of beer. I took it skeptically.

“I told you, I don’t drink,”

“You look like you could use it, though,” she teased.

I bit back a smirk. So, she likes to play this way.

“If I happen to be dead-drunk by the end of this, will you carry me princess-style to my home?”

“Good. I was looking for a reason to go there anyway,” she shrugged and casually started having a conversation about makeup with Jinhui while I felt like my whole face could use an ice pack.

And she was right, I needed a drink.

By the time I hit my second bottle of flavored beer, I was buzzed. It’s like the blush from when Jessica implied something never left my face and I was hiccupping.

I set my eyes on her again, longingly this time, and dazed out of my mind. She’s very sociable and loves to talk to literally anyone. Her cheeks were flushed as well and she’s more animated than before. I didn’t realize I was smiling until she noticed me and smiled back. I hope she doesn’t see me as a creeper. I don’t know how to control my impulses right now.

“Taeyeonie,”

“What?” I shifted in my seat and looked at my best friend with a pout as if she was distracting me from watching my favorite film.

“Not as think as you drunk I am?”

“Yeah?”

“Good.” Tiffany smoothly returned to a conversation with the others and I shrugged it off like it was a commercial break. Back to gazing at the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

She wasn’t on her seat. I felt someone tap my shoulder and there she was behind me again.

Now who’s the creeper?

“You’re drunk already,” Jessica giggled and wrapped her slender fingers on my wrist, making me stand up. I felt my heart pounding a hole through my chest.

“Am not,” I whined. She led me to her side which I just noticed was nearly empty. Even Jinhui had gone home. I plop down on her stool and Jessica next to me.

“Are you dead-drunk or do you still remember when we skipped P.E. to go to the school garden?” she started, her eyes looking into mine. The quietude helped in setting my focus on her and only her. The loudest people in our table, including Probably Han had left, leaving only a handful of us, but only my attention was for one person.

Of course I remember running away from an awful gym class just to be with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever set my eyes on. I hadn’t thought about that for years, but I still remember it so clearly.

Everyone in our section silently agreed that Jang-ssaem was the worst P.E. teacher. She ran the gym like a military. Each one of her students had most likely had their dignity stripped off with Jang-ssaem randomly calling a student from her infamous batch of index cards with our names, one-by-one photos, and other information on them and demonstrating a new exercise in front of the class, looking ridiculous.

It just so happens that after begging my mom to write a letter excusing me to miss P.E., Jessica also faked an illness. I sat down next to her by the bleachers, allowing a few inches of space. I barely talk to her, let alone know her last name. I just know she and Tiffany were “sisters from another mother,” and I was too aloof to even go near any of Tiffany’s friends.

I only had her, whereas she’s friends with everyone at school. I felt guilt creep up on me again. Maybe today’s a sign to get to know one of her friends. I shouldn’t be a burden when I rely on her so much.

“What is it?” I asked coolly, like asking people what illness they faked was normal for me to do on the daily.

My eyes followed the volleyball bouncing back and forth over the net. Poor ball.

“Period pain,” she shrugged. “You?”

“Diarrhea,” I mirrored her nonchalant shrug.

She scrunched up her face in disgust. “Eww…”

“Oh please, you have to make the teacher uncomfortable so they won’t press more on the topic. You know you won’t get to use the period excuse again until next month?” I claimed.

“I know, today’s just really important.”

“And why’s that?”

“They’re filling the pond with koi.”

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finally, I asked her, “I didn’t know you like koi?”

“I don’t, I just heard it from Tiffany and I wanna see it for myself,” she paused to turn to me, then added after a beat, “Wanna come with?”

“No, I like when fishes are simmered in stew.”

“The pond is basically all made of stone. I bet a psychopath like you would like that,” she grinned, showing her cute crooked teeth.

“Cool. When should we sneak out?”

“When Jang-ssaem returns to her chair.”

Not a moment later and Jang-ssaem was winded from shouting vehemently at the players, walking to her very own deep blue camping chair behind the pole and chugging her bottle of water. She heaved a huge sigh and massaged her temples, shielding her face.

Jessica gave a nod as a go signal and we tiptoed to the door. When we reached the garden, the workers had left. We walked to the pond and sure enough, there were moving orange and white fishes.

“Woah,”

Our student body president suggested a koi pond for the school garden, for some reason. I don’t know what made our school agree to spending our tuition money on this, but I don’t hate it. In fact, I’d give them my lunch money to bring more koi in the water. Or make it larger to give them more freedom to swim.

“Do you still want to eat them?” Jessica asked.

“They’re an exception,” I replied, not taking my eyes off the adorable little creatures that I definitely wouldn’t eat. I swear.

“Good. You’re not a psychopath after all,” she sat down on the grass and watched as the fishes swim along the medium-sized pond. I sat next to her, enjoying the rest of our P.E. period in silence, serenely watching the little sea creatures swim laps in their new home.

I told Jessica what I remember. Her nodding in affirmation to my liquid-courage-induced loud voice recalling the story. When I finished, I asked her, “Did Jang-ssaem ever caught us?”

“No, but one of the student bodies did and they helped us sneak away the garden,” she said with a shrug, like she had always remembered it.

“Ohhh,” I nodded.

Unluckily for me, that was the first and last time I got to know Jessica as she transferred to an elite university for senior high, so I’ve heard from our mutual best friend. Instead of being the silent loner one at our lunch table, getting to know Jessica since P.E. made me get close to some of Tiffany’s friends, too. When she left, I felt alone again.

“Why did you wanna talk about that?” Not that there are any more memories we shared worth noting. Even if I’m intoxicated, I know when things are out of place. She kidnapped me from my seat and made my heart beat like crazy. She should go on trial for this.

“The last scene I shot today was inside an aquarium tunnel. It was so blue, I was suddenly reminded of the clear koi pond we first saw together.”

“And?” I probed, one of my eyebrows raising in anticipation.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you and wondered how you’ve been doing all these years…”

And there it is. I hiccupped.

She burst out laughing while I’m seriously having hiccups in the worse timing imaginable.

Jessica patiently waited for it to stop, handing me a glass of water afterwards. I gulped it down, straightened my body as if it’ll erase what just happened literal seconds ago from our memories, and I announced in my most serious tone, “I regret to inform you that not much has changed for me.”

She smiled. Of course, she always did. She’s the most optimistic person I know. “I wasn’t hoping you did. I didn’t attend the last reunion either,” she said. “I’m happy to know that after all these years, we’re still telepathic on attending or skipping something together.”

The W-word. We. A collective ‘we’ for just us two. I felt pounding on my chest again. I could die right here, right now.

Or is this the part where we kiss?

Her eyes were searching mine, like they hold the answer to life. I searched hers, and I’m seeing longing. She was hoping for something, perhaps only I could give her.

I leaned closer where we could feel each other’s breath, completely tuning out the world around us. She planted her lips to mine and we were the last two people on earth. Bursting in color, the world in monochrome. Gently, softly, we were in sync. My hand found her cheeks, and she s her hand on my waist, pulling me closer. tasted sweet and bitter, but her fragrance was of cedar, lily-of-the-valley, earthy and floral scent. She filled all of my senses.

I only knew her and she only knew me.

We pulled away to catch a breath, lips centimeters away, our noses touching. She smiled, I did too.

Her touch lingers. It’s like my lips were sentient and wanted more of her. I could only comply.

“Wanna sneak out with me again, for old times’ sake?” she gave me a toothy grin, pointing to the door.

I looked around and Tiffany and the rest of our old classmates doesn’t even know what in the homouality happened in the last few minutes, immersed in their conversation—or argument. Tiffany was winning.

“Let’s get out of here,” I whispered and took her hand.

We ran to my car with no one chasing us.

Her hand fit perfectly in mine. As did our bodies moving throughout the night, like we were two dancers in perfect melody. Her eyes resembled the moonlit sky peppered with stars from my window. She was the last thing I saw before I drifted off to sleep with a smile permanently on my face, her hand on my bare waist, never letting me go.