“Omo.. I look great in this picture.” I was about to drift back to sleep when my usually quiet manager started fangirling over herself at an unreasonable hour. Curiously, I opened my eyes to see her gushing over a stolen picture of a blonde figure in a thin black and white striped sweater and black shorts. A strange sight to see since my manager rarely gushes over herself in an airport pic.

 

“Omo. Omomomo. I look like an idol. Omo! It’s a celebrity! A celebrity!” At this rate sleep was no longer an option seeing as how my manager is close to hollering at the top of her lungs inside our small company van.

 

“Yah, Kim. Will you shut up?!” A head popped up from behind our seat, revealing a rather frustrated stylist with eye mask still over her eyes.

 

“Don’t wanna. This picture is worth a million praises!” The so called Kim retaliates back still unbothered by our other companion scoffing and grumbling at the back seat. 

 

"What’s so good about your picture anyway?" A gasp that could’ve the air out of the van escaped out of my manager’s mouth, eyes wide greatly insulted, spinning in her seat so fast I was worried I would hear her spine snap in two.

 

“Excuse you?! Look at this perfection! Don’t I just glow in the sunlight?!” She fires back, literally shoving her phone at the stylist’s face.

 

“Alright, calm down Edward. Can you lower down the lighting? My eyes are being blinded by your pale .” My stylist squints, hand over her brows trying to make out what the shorter was trying to show, before ultimately snatching the phone from it’s owner’s grasp and doing it herself.

 

“Pale! Yah Kim-“ The oldest unnie repeated, greatly offended.

 

“Oh wait, look at this hottie!” Kim 2 beams at whatever was on Kim 1’s phone.

 

“I know right! You’re eyes are cleansed by my picture.”

 

“Wha-? Delusional much. No I’m talking about this Goddess.” Unnie and I both wait in anticipation, as the stylist slowly turns the phone around. And there she was, clad in a bright red coat and beanie was another blonde- on a lollipop with large sunglasses that almost covered half her face. There was a brief silence in the van, all three of us donning different expressions- enchanted, blank, flabbergasted (you decide who wore which).

 

“Now who’s delusional.” I could only sigh to myself as my seat partner was dragged over the backrest and into the back of the van where they actively argued over who the top visual was- hands and feet included. I was about to crawl to the front seat to save myself when an arm s its way around my neck from behind and proceeded to pin me to my seat in a headlock. I bite back a yelp, looking over my shoulder, only to see two pairs of deranged eyes staring back into mine along with matching grins. Oh dear.

 

“Mirror, Mirror. On the wall.” This doesn’t sound good. Chills run down my spine and my brain is telling me to escape.

 

“Who’s the fairest of them all?” The two unnies question me in time with another- further igniting my urge to run.

 

“It’s me, right?” Okay Im, you need to be careful. You’re treading on very dangerous waters. Whatever you do, do not laugh. If you don’t want to throw away twenty-five years of your life,

 

DO. NOT. LAUGH.

 

“Pfft.” A mixture of a strangled wheeze and a snicker escape my treacherous mouth. I watch in horror as Hyoyeon unnie’s expression darken with every bat of her eye, the arm around my neck tightening around my trachea. All I wanted was to sleep and arrive at the airport alive. Why am I stuck with crazy unnies. I mentally cry to myself as Hyoyeon still held me captive while Taeyeon’s ahjumma laughter boomed inside the vehicle. Oh-to-the-ing-dear, indeed.

 

--

 

“Alright, almost done.” I combed through my bangs one last time, making sure that there weren’t any stains on the white t-shirt I wore. My phone suddenly vibrating on the bench top next to the sink, distracting me from admiring myself (even more) on the reflection.

 

From In1: 10 min til destination.

 

“What?! They’re early!” I quickly grabbed my backpack along with my foldable stool that was leaning on the wall and made my way out of the restroom towards the barricade-lining running from the entrance to the baggage drop off. There was already a small crowd gathering near the barricades, which made it harder to wiggle through the mass of bodies to get to the front. I had to shove somebody out of the way with my foldable stool since she was making no effort to move away from the spot that I had reserved earlier with my camera case. She was about to retaliate when she saw the big writings on the stool, Kkuma, and immediately backed off frustration written all over her trying-to-steal-somebody’s-reserved-space face.

 

I couldn’t help but be smug about it; nobody takes Kkuma’s reserved area when it comes to finding the best spots for the best photos. And it’s what people always say- first come first serve, the early bird takes the worm, or whatever.

 

Plus, I didn’t wake up at 1:30 freaking AM just to find the perfect spot and get it stolen from me. I have eyes to cleanse with my stunning pictures and it also doesn’t help that getting stuck inside a crazy mob of fans . So yes, I’d rather fight for my spot at the front with my stool and camera and get all the privileges of being early. You reap what you sow, or something like that?

 

I checked the time one last time before finalizing the settings on my camera, making sure that everything was perfect before chaos erupts in the airport. Good, everything’s all set. They should be arriving… My train of thought is interrupted when squeals and shrieks are heard from outside. They’re here!

 

Eventually the shrieking made its way inside, the crowd behind me becoming restless, moving to and fro, camera shutters and flashes coming alive (mine included) as three figures emerged from the entrance and sauntered along the make shift path through the flashing lights and camera shutters. The three figures looking majestic as they walked, talked, and smiled at the cameras. All of them moving in slow motion as I watched them through the camera, my finger continuously pressing the shutter button to capture image after image of the stunning and unreachable women.

 

My breath became stuck in my throat as one particular member of the three looked my way with her large doe eyes, although not particularly at me, and smiled- with teeth and eye smile! It was only a smile, but the sound of camera shutters multiplied, trying to seize that short moment of when the nation’s face smiled upon them.

 

It was a moment too short as she soon turned away from the cameras and towards her unnies. But that didn’t mean I didn’t get one of my best shots of the day.

 

I’m internally fangirling from the previous experience, a smile tugging on the corners of my mouth as I continue to capture every moment of her retreating figure. I can only sigh, knowing that the short interaction is ending, but I guess that was what everyone was thinking as shoulders and cameras began nudging me from behind. Softly at first but the more she got away the rowdier the fans became, others who were also standing on stools with me became frustrated with the elbowing and became restless.

 

“Yah. Quit it! You’re going to push us over!” We quietly grumbled trying to not add on to the ruckus that was happening behind us.

 

I feel the stool wobble, “Yah- AH!” I feel myself topple over the barricade and pain overwhelming my left arm as I landed on the ground.

 

--

There was a scream and brief silence before a loud thump echoed around the now quiet airport. My head turned in response to the sound and found a whimpering girl on the floor. Nobody around her seemed to move- too stunned at what had occurred to even think of helping her.

 

Unconsciously, my legs carried the rest of me towards the woman in pain. Uneasiness swirling in my stomach as she slowly sits up. Concern bubbling as nobody had moved a single muscle to help. A camera lies on its side several inches away from her. A logo on the lens catching my attention, Kkuma, before I lower to her eye level.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

--

 

My head snaps up and first see her eyes before everything else registers in my brain. I must’ve hit my head when I fell because Im-freaking-Yoona is talking to me! She must’ve thought that I didn’t understand, repeating herself a second time before placing her hand on my shoulder.

 

“Are you hurt?” Her voice is soft and concern laces her expression.

 

“Uh- um. Yes… I mean no!” I nodded and stuttered like an idiot, mentally cursing for looking like fool in front of a celebrity- something that was certainly not on my bucket list.

 

Relief overcomes her concern, gently cupping my hand into hers before slowly pulling me up to stand. “That’s good to hear.” Placing my camera in my hands, making sure that I was all right before flashing me another picture worthy smile and a, “take care”, before walking back to her manager and stylist.

 

My heart’s pounding from the short encounter, my brain malfunctioning as I fail to reply back until she was already at the baggage drop off with her unnies. “Uh.. Yeah, you too.”

 

--

 

We all sighed in relief as our bodies make contact with our seats. 

 

“Wooh, that was hectic.” Hyoeyeon unnie spoke up out of the blue. “That poor girl, though. Tsk.” I couldn’t help but think back to the girl on the ground in her white shirt and space buns that reminded me of that cartoon rat. Mickey, was it?

 

Poor girl indeed, I wonder if she’s alright now.

 

“Man, fans sure are both awesome and terrifying.” Taeyeon chimed in while shaking her head. I silently agree, adjusting myself better to sleep before arriving in Japan.

 

“Oh! Guys look! Previews are up! Damn Yoong, your fansites know how to take good pictures” Internally groaning, I open my eyes to see both of my unnies spazzing over Hyoyeon’s phone. Why do I have to work with these crazy unnies? 

 

Ignoring them, the noise around me soon blur away as my muscles relax and mind beginning to blank, until a name broke through my serene state.

 

“Oh God! Look at Kkuma’s pictures. We look hawt!” Eagerly, I look over Hyoyeon’s shoulder and gasp at how stunning and skilled the pictures are. “Man I need to look out for Kkuma when we come back!” The two unnies keenly nod at each other, matching grins plastered on their faces.

 

“It's her.” I whispered in astonishment, mouth literally hanging open. The two delusionals quirk their heads to the side and halt their fangirling session, question marks floating on top of their heads. “Unnies. That’s her! She’s Kkuma!” I feel excitement roil in my stomach as I finally put a face to one of my fansites.

 

“OH! OOOHHHHH!!! Tae we need to look for our tanned photographer when we get back!” Hyoyeon is too fired up for this.

 

“How much do you think we should pay her to become our fansite instead?” Taeyeon’s eyes suspiciously gleam with seriousness.

 

“Yah unnie. You can’t just steal-“

 

“Yoona’s not even on our level. She’s going to be ours soon.” Hyoyeon says a matter of factly. Eyebrow cocked upward- too smug for my liking.

 

“Yes! HyoTae, the superior visuals. Yoona who?” The two lunatics high-fived and go back to looking through Kkuma’s recent Twitter updates at the airport.

 

I can’t believe them! They dropped me that fast? Loyalty is dead. I'm too stunned to let a word out. “Yah-“ I’m again interrupted by loud sudden gasps coming from you-know-who.

 

“No! Kkuma-nim! You can’t leave us so soon. Our budding relationship hasn’t even come close to blooming yet!” The two of them literally wail on their seats, clutching Hyo’s phone as if their lives depend on it. I shrank into my seat wishing that it would swallow me away from my seatmates causing a scene on a boarding plane.

 

“She’s gone! Gone! Yoona do you hear me?! Gone!” Taeyeon had tears running down her face, violently shaking me by my shoulders. I would’ve yelled at her to let go of me until I see tears pooling in Hyoyeon’s eyes.

 

Both unnies crying was definitely not a good sign to see, it must’ve been really tragic for those two to shed tears. I gently embraced the oldest unnie into my arms. She leans her head on the crook of my neck, tears dripping on my shirt. Occasionally patting and rubbing circles on her back whilst I slowly reached for the phone in her grasp and easing it away from her.

 

Not wanting to be clueless about this sudden situation I worriedly sneak a peak at what the two had seen- completely expecting the worst. Except it wasn’t. It was still on Kkuma’s last Tweet from five minutes ago reading: “I hope you liked the previews, the photos will soon be up so please look forward to it. But, unfortunately there was an unexpected accident earlier today. So I will be on hiatus for a month or two, it’s nothing too serious so don’t think too much about it. My good friend @THYtrinity will take over for photos in the near future, I promise you she is the best of the best. Until next time~”

 

These two trolls.

 

I’m going to die early from high blood pressure if these two continue to toy with me. I send them a glare- in which they couldn’t see as they had fallen asleep- and decided to draw on their faces as revenge. I sit back to admire my work on the sleeping shorties and released a lungful of air, grateful that for the first time of the day everything was at peace and I can finally go to sleep. Before I finally lose consciousness a lone thought lingered, when is ‘next time’?

 

--

 

“Here is your grilled sandwich and latte. Have a nice day.” I greet, placing their order in front of them. Sighing once out of ear-shot, as I still have two hours left until my shift ends. It’s already been one and a half months and I’m still nowhere close to reaching my targeted goal, plus working for three weeks straight has drained almost everything out of me.

 

“Alright Kwon. Good job, I’ll see you next week.”

 

“Thanks Sunny. See you.” Grateful that I’ve got such a caring and understanding unnie for a boss, and letting me leave an hour early, I excitedly leave the café and make my way to the bus stop totally stoked for having the weekend off for a well deserved break.

 

I occasionally shiver as cool gusts make its way into the four corners of the bus shelter that I was waiting in, silently grumbling to myself as I had to wait another 30 minutes before the next bus comes. A Ding from my jacket immediately halts my negative mumbling, notifying me that I had been tagged on Twitter for a certain event that I should be attending- if not for that stupid accident a month and a half ago.

 

I let out a frustrated harrumph remembering the past as I open the app. The sour feeling soon erased by the images that flooding the screen. The corners of my mouth twitching upwards with every image I like. Soft squeals escape my upturned mouth as video after video of a walking goddess grace my screen.

 

The moment’s short-lived, the warmness and excitement fizzling out, as I realize that I won’t be able to see her in person for God knows how long (now I know a fraction of how international fans feel), and another lungful of negative air is heaved out- hoping that it would also get rid of the disappointment bubbling in my stomach.

“I wish I was there.”

 

---

 

Month after month of constant travelling between Korea and countries overseas for schedules is really taking a toll on my shoulders. I let out a deep breath as we we’re now finally on our way back home from the airport, tiredness slowly creeping its way all over my body and sleep heavily pressing down on my eyelids. It’s so easy to drift off, so easy! But-

 

“Omo!” There it is. Ever since that one faithful day where my unnies had learnt about fansite pictures they had made it into a ritual to always fangirl at times when sleep calls for me.

 

“O-to-the-mo indeed.” Welp, there goes my sleep. I should just pretend that I’m unconscious to save myself from getting dragged into another petty argument about visuals. Im Yoona is above that. That, I am..

 

“THYtrinity’s done it again! We look like idols here instead of Yoona. Yoona looks so average. Yoona who?”

 

“Gotta agree with you Tae, you look like a freaking goddess sent from the heaven of nine realms. I stan.” What the hell is the heaven of nine realms? Who’s Stan???

 

“I bet you Yoona’s missing her Kkuma right now. No one does Yoona’s pictures like Kkuma. Look at her, she’s getting overshadowed by her two unnies who aren’t even models/actresses/singers and she’s vertically longer too!” Those two want a punch at their so-called visuals for all I care. I breathe out a small sigh as Kkuma’s name is mentioned, MIA again huh?

 

“Oh? It’s Kkuma!”

 

“Where?!” My body moves faster than the speed of light without my brain processing the action towards the phone Teayeon’s holding up beside me.

 

“Ack!” Both unnies jumped in shock from my sudden outburst. I’m sure I shaved ten years off of their lifespan.

 

“Oh… No, it’s just another fansite imitating Kkuma’s” Disappointment smothered the excitement that burned in me for a brief second at the thought of Kkuma in the airport after months of absence.

 

“Wow, just another fansite? What happened to Yoona loving her fansites equally? What happened to Yoona mother of all fansites, ‘she who loves all’? You are a , aren’t you?” Taeyeon looked at me incredulously- eyebrows floating to her hairline, lips quirked disbelievingly.

 

“I call that being whipped.” Hyoyeon wiggled those coloured in eyebrows teasingly.

 

“I am not.” I crossed my arms, returning back to my fake sleeping position.

                                                                                  

“In your dreams, whipped cream.”

 

“Yeah, in your dreams whipped cream puff.” Tae adds, wanting a high-five from Hyoyeon. Only to be ignored by the latter with how lame she was a second ago. Hyoyeon’s grumbling in the background mourning over her butchered line.

 

“Guys! Kkuma just posted! ‘Hello fellow Yoonadicts, ask me questions and enlighten me at curiouscat’.”

 

“Pfft… Yoona….” Taeyeon giggles, acting like a twelve year old hearing the word for the first time.

 

“Mature. Real mature unnie.” I deadpanned. “So how does this work?”

 

“It’s easy Yoong deer. You ask a question, send it, then wait to see if she responds. Here, let me!”

 

“No, me! It’s my turn!” HyoTae wrestle for the phone in my hands, the two grunting and shoving each other, Hyoyeon ultimately winning the scuffle and is now typing away her question. Taeyeon’s squashed between the seat and Hyoyeon’s knee pressed on her stomach. Peeking over the winner’s shoulder I watched as her fingers tap away on the screen.

 

What…. Is…. Your…. Ideal…. Type?

 

“Unnie!!” I gasped mortified. There’s no way someone could just ask that to a stranger! Hyoyeon merely shrugged, the corners of forming into a smug smirk. “Unnie NO!”

 

“Hehehe UNNIE YESSSS.” The two high fived and proceeded to scroll through their twitter feed, while I merely watched over their shoulders- waiting to see if the questioned answers. It had taken ten minutes and numerous exiting and re-entering the app from the more impatient Kim (which was surprisingly Taeyeon unnie) before the first question had been answered. To say that the two older women acted like civilized, well-mannered humans when their question was answered would be a complete lie.

 

The two had hollered, celebrated, and bounced on their seats then exclaimed out the window, “Senpai noticed me!!” To think that two of the most popular celebrity staff of this generation holds the reputation of girl crush, are actually fangirling over my fansite.

 

 

 

What is your ideal type? – Well, hello to you too Anon. I’m doing fine thanks for asking. Hmmm…. that’s for me to know and for you to keep on guessing. :D

 

What are you doing now? – Answering questions? And also eating something edible after the torture I was put through eating a friend’s so-called cooking.

 

How did you learn to take such breathtaking pictures? – You need a teacher who knows how to work a camera. Practice and perseverance. Genuine interest in actually learning the skill. Having a breathtaking model also helps.

 

I saw you at the airport and you are stunning. Tell me, Kkuma-nim, do you think you’re good looking? – Sweet talker 0///0  …  I don’t think I’m ugly (?)

 

Your friend would have put lots of effort in cooking and you say that?! – STOP. Stop writing hate comments Tiffany. 

 

When are you going to start taking pictures again? – As much as I would like to take pictures, there are circumstances in life that cannot be easily dealt with. Soon, Anon, soon.

 

You are taking too long with your absence! What’s the point of becoming a fansite if you’re gone for months?! I’m not following your stupid fansite anymore. – Thanks for the consideration. Feel free to leave anytime, no one’s forcing you to stay. This is a one-woman fansite who shares their appreciation of Yoona to others who feel the same way through my pictures. As much as I love seeing Yoona in person, I have a life outside of being a fan and right now life is demanding my attention. If you are not happy about it, the unfollow button is there for a reason. Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

 

How do you fangirl/fanboy over Yoona? – I take screenshots of everything despite already having tons of photos in my Yoona folder.

 

 

 

“Kkuma snapped.” I paused reading Kkuma’s replies and concentrated on the conversation that was occurring next to me. Trying to understand what snapped was or why she was snapping in the first place.

 

“I know right. Wig.” Wig? Hyoyeon’s wearing a wig? I knew it. She’s been bleaching her hair since she was 18, there’s no way her scalp could survive that.

 

Slowly, I reached behind Taeyeon’s back, grabbing a handful of Hyoyeon’s hair and gave it a sharp tug- expecting the wig to fall off.

 

“Ow! YAH” Hyoyeon grabbed my hand that was still clutching her hair and slapped me on the back of the head. “What the hell was that for?!” She screeched and rubbed the tender area while sending me glares intent on murdering me on the spot.

 

“You said wig. I wanted to know if you were wearing one since you’ve been bleaching and dyeing your hair for a long time.” I said while using Taeyeon as a shield, ready to throw her at the fuming blonde if she does attack me.

 

“HAHAHAHA Yoona, you dumb deer, Wig is just an expression. HAHAHA” Taeyeon wheezes through her laughter as tears roll down her cheeks.

 

“Besides, Hyo’s got the strongest scalp in the world. Her scalp is the Vibranium of scalps.” Taeyeon wipes the remaining tears pooling in her eyes as her laughing fit subsides, while Hyoyeon huffs a ‘damn right I do’ in the background.

 

“Gurl you should get Twitter, you need to learn the language of your fans to not embarrass yourself again after what you just pulled off. Plus, your fans are hella funny.”

 

“But the company needs to approve-“ I hesitate.

 

“Screw the company. You’re not going to be Im Yoona in twitter. You’re going to use a fan account like ours. Duh.“ I was still debating on whether I should or shouldn’t, but the thought of understanding and getting to know more of my fans does excite me.

 

---

 

The day had just stricken 4pm and the café is still packed with customers, the line at the counter never seemed to deplete, and my feet have long been sore from the continuous walking from counter to coffee machine, coffee machine to counter.

 

What is up with all these customers? It’s almost closing time and yet there’s still more walking in through that damned door. There better be a freaking drama filming nearby I sw-

 

“Heol!” My attention’s drawn to a customer near the counter reading the menu as I hand a drink over to another customer. “I said I was going to bring cash but I forgot about it!” A petite woman dressed in black pats her jeans and jacket pockets -looking for her wallet I’m assuming- whilst unknowingly mumbling to herself.

 

“Omo.” She’s clearly flustered as she kept on sighing. Tugging her black cap lower to cover her face, “You crazy . Omo.”

 

I don’t have enough time to register who she’s referring to as she had already spun on her heel and hastily walked out of the door muttering, “Omo, you crazy ”, over and over again until she was well out of sight.

 

Other than that eventful incident the time trickled by slowly as all the workers waited (as patiently as we could) for the last of the customers to exit before hastily cleaned, tidied and packed away equipment; clearly eager to end the long day in bed.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Sunny!” Bidding a short goodbye to my boss-friend I make my way to the closest bus stop. The weather had dropped dramatically, compared to the last few days when the weather was slightly more tolerable. My beanie and layers of clothing couldn’t stop the chills burying its way into my bones.

 

As I was about to start jogging on the spot a notification from my pocket convinced me not to follow what everyone else was doing at the bus stop. It was only a short tweet, but it was enough to prompt me to briskly walk away from the idea of coming home early and resting my feet. All because of a tweet and a poorly captured video of a certain idol at a location that was only a five-minute walk from where I originally was.

 

A huge crowd had already gathered around the film site by the time I arrived. People were on their toes trying to see over people’s head, some (including me) are jumping on the spot. It didn’t take too long for people to lose interest or given into the cold as filming seemed to have halted and Yoona was nowhere in sight. I too, was losing the waiting battle in the cold, but the sight of my favourite celebrity walking out of a small coffee shop had halted all of my thoughts from leaving.

 

There she is!

 

I stare in awe as I watch her prepare for her scene, dolled up in a white coat, gloves and earmuffs, making her stand out more out of everyone in the vicinity. She takes one last sip of her coffee and I hastily take out my phone with cold fingers to capture the way she delivered her lines to her partner, and how her expression changes in line to what she has to say. I’ve seen all of her acting gigs ever since she debuted, I shouldn’t be this astounded watching her act right in front of my eyes. Yet here I am. Eyes spread wide open, jaw slackened and the corners of my mouth twitching with how much I’m smiling from this brief encounter.

 

I would’ve stayed watching her act forever with my phone recording every single detail but a familiar looking woman dressed in black and a few other staff were marching their way to my group of onlookers, our phones obviously out in the air- some even had the audacity to have their flash on. It was clear that they wanted us to delete any unofficial footage to stop spoilers from being spread online. As a good fan I wasn’t planning on posting anything online anyway, but I wasn’t going to stay around to have my videos deleted.

 

Turning away I hastily walk back to my bus stop, happy to have seen my favourite person. This day was not so bad after all. Before I round the corner I glance back, expecting to see her one last time. Instead, making eye contact with the lady dressed in black jacket and cap- who I now realized was her manager. Kim Taeyeon.

 

Yikes! I hope she didn’t see I was taking videos of Yoona.

 

---

“Thanks for your hard work!” I bow and greet the staff that I come in contact with as I huddled deeper into my own jacket- much thicker than the coat that I had to wear while I was on set. I glance around looking for my manager, occasionally smiling at waving fans. Hyoyeon unnie had already dove into the van as soon as filming finished.  I spot her at the edge of the set, a blank look on her face as she stares out somewhere behind a wall of cameras and eager fans.

 

“You alright unnie?” I shake her gently by a shoulder. She turns to me with an embarrassed grin before walking us both back to our van and saying our goodbyes to the rest of the film staff.

 

As soon as the door to the van is closed, I finally let myself sag into my seat. The heating cranked up to full blast, making the inside temperature perfect for a short nap between schedules. I close my eyes ready to fall asleep unbeknownst to a vibrating figure beside me.

 

“I think I saw Kkuma.” Taeyeon whispers in the quiet space, but my brain registers it and my eyes snap open, hands gripping on to the armrests as I sit up.

 

“What?!” Hyoyeon unnie and I burst into taeyeon’s personal space. Taeyeon herself couldn’t stop herself from shaking.

 

“I saw her. I saw her.” She had a manic look in her eyes that was lowkey freaking me out. “I recognize our tanned goddess anywhere.” She cackles before rocking on her own chair. Now I’m downright scared. I thought this whole Kkuma infatuation had gone away after she had found another fansite that was solely focused on her and Hyoyeon unnie, THYtrinity.

 

“She’s back. Hehe.” I slowly turn my head behind me to where Hyoyeon unnie was silently muttering to herself. “That making me worried for nothing. Hehehe.” A murderous glint slowly making it’s way to her face as her grin widens into something that I haven’t seen before. I don’t even know why Hyoyeon is acting this way to my fansite, but even I know I don't want to be around her if she’s got that kind of look in her face.

 

I slowly back away to the front seat next to the driver, high on alert for some weird reason watching my mentally unstable unnies in their own world.
 

They snap their head towards me. “What?”

 

I’m going to dieeeeeeee. Why am I stuck with these unnies?!?!?!

 

---

“Next please!”

“Omo!”

 

I stare, mouth gaping open. Hers a complete mirror to mine. I couldn’t quite grasp what in the world had happened for me to be serving Kim Taeyeon, Im-freaking-Yoona’s equally as popular, almost celebrity like manager. I must be going insane. The coffee fumes must be getting to my brain. Coffee fumes aren’t poisonous are they?

 

“YOU.” I momentarily snap out of my internal breakdown and register the finger centimetres away from my face. Tracing the limb back to its source, I confirm that I did not hallucinate from the coffee fumes and died from it. There in front of me stood Kim Taeyeon in her full height of five foot two inches- three if you count the Doc Martens she’s wearing. Eyes gleaming in a rather adorable yet creepy way with how much eye contact she was making.

 

“Can I help-“

 

“Do you deliver coffee?!” She slams her tiny hands on to the counter, tip toeing to almost come face to face with me- despite the extra inch from her boots. I can’t help but worry at how loud she was breathing- it sounded like she was hyperventilating. Maybe I should worry about my wellbeing instead with how much she’s smiling. It’s not cute anymore. It’s lowkey terrifying. The giggling doesn’t help too.

 

“No, we don-“

 

“YES. YES WE DO.” What the hell? I stare at my boss. My eyes screaming, Since when?! despite trying to maintain my customer service smile. It’s only 8am and I already want to jump off a cliff. Obviously my woes go unnoticed by my so-called boss, too busy ogling at the majestic presence of the Goddess Kim Taeyeon herself (her words not mine).

 

“For you Ma’am, we will deliver them ourselves.” Sonuvvabeech.  She winks, WINKS, at our famous customer and even sends her infamous you-will-fall-in-love-with-me type of smile- which does bring forth a light shade of pink across our dear customer’s cheeks. I, on the other hand was ready to throttle this mothaa to the ground. I am NOT getting paid enough to brave the cold delivering coffee to God knows where. She sends me a glare so subtle to the customers but it was obviously screaming at me to Shut. The. . Up.

 

“I would like mine delivered too.” Some unknown down the line voices out, but is straight up rejected with the flattest, deadpanned, capitalized NO by none other than Sunny. I guess my will to live is not the only one getting thrown off of a cliff; I have good customer service as my company as we fall into inexistence.

 

---

 

“Unnie is the coffee here yet?” I ask as I shivered in my faux leather boots. The coat that I’m wearing does nothing to prevent the cold winter air from chilling me to the bones. Taeyeon had come back from her coffee run almost an hour ago with the weirdest smile on her face. It was the kind of look where she’s very constipated but is trying too hard to hide it behind her smile, and her eyes had this weird I’m in love kind of gaze. What kind of coffee run did she go to and why did that traitor not get me anything?!

 

“Coffee for Taeyeon?” I hear from somewhere behind me and let out a deep huff, glad that I can finally have something warm to chase away the cold. I turn and in my haste almost knock somebody down and OH.

 

“Coffee for Yoona?”

 

OH.

 

Oh.

 

OH MY GOD. I freeze. Right there. Arms out ready to catch the person from falling. Eyes reading my name on a cup with a cute little heart drawn at the end before resting on to the other person who is holding out the coffee in front of me. A sheepish smile on her face but her eyes had trouble meeting mine.

 

“Coffee for Yoona.” I don’t know how long I had been standing there for, just blinking stupidly at the coffee and at the woman holding it. The air between us starting to get uncomfortable as she starts to fidget more visibly, which does the job of snapping me out of my frozen state.

 

“Uh, yes. That’s me.” I step back and hug myself as the awkwardness envelopes me in its cocoon. Now it’s my turn to not make eye contact. I can’t help but let out a quiet chuckle to ease the situation, before snapping into attention as I realized that she was still holding out my coffee for me, that small smile still on her face despite how awkward I had just made the whole situation. I reach for the cup, my cold hands accidentally resting over hers as I take it from her and I can’t help but think that this is some sort of drama. I’ve done so many of these scenes where the male leads do this kind of thing, but never did I think that I would be doing such a thing. No wonder they do this, her hands are very warm.

 

Um, what.

 

“Enjoy the coffee.” She smiles before joining her colleague, a small blush on her face (from the cold maybe). The warmth from the cup slowly warms hands as I watch them walk around the corner, wondering if coffee had always made me feel this warm on a cold winter’s day.

 

---

“Next pleas- Oh my God!” I yelp out in surprise, my heart hammering away as I stare at the person in line. Their toothy grin widening in response as I turn into a blubbering fool trying to get my Idol’s order.

 

“Miss Kkuma, right?” OH MY GOD. IT’S HAPPENING. STAY ING CALM.

 

“YesSsSS?” AHHHHHHH. THAT’S TOO MUCH S’s!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU? A SNAKE???

 

Unbeknownst to my internal gay panic, Yoona smiles wider and for some reason the whole cafe is brighter than what I remember and the mixture of her perfume and coffee beans have never smelt so heavenly. Someone should make a perfume of this moment and call it, La Femme de mes Rêves. Yes, this would definitely be a hit with her fans.

 

“It’s nice to finally meet you miss...” Yoona squints and slightly leans on to the counter. My gay panic reactivating as I see her line of sight at my chest. “Yuri.” She smiles at me wider and I am horrified to think that I had mistaken the angel Im Yoona reading my name tag to publicly ogling at my s. It didn’t help that Yoona had seen the horrified look on my face and an arm about to cover my chest. Her face blows up into a deep shade of crimson as she registers the misunderstanding, now furiously waving her hands trying to clumsily explain herself.

 

“I, um, I’m sorry for this whole mess.” I awkwardly give her a small bow. We're now seated at a secluded corner, a fresh cup of hot coffee in front of us, after we were both kicked out of our previous position at the counter by my boss and Yoona’s manager seeing as we were two bumbling idiots taking up the line.

 

“No, no please I should be apologizing. I took you by surprise.” Yoona bows in response, a slight panic in the tone of her voice. Ours eyes briefly meet as she sits back straight before reverting back to looking at everyone and everything except for the person in front. Our table is quiet as we watch the cafe go about its normal motions, both of us struggling to find ways to engage the other in small talk. 

As much as I wanterd to look at her in the eye, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by her presence. She looks so beautiful with how the windows softly illuminate her features as she slowly stirs her coffee. How could a human be so perfect stirring coffee? She looks up and again our eyes meet. I swallow the nervous ball in my throat and force my eyes to not wander away. Willing myself to say something.

 

“How is the coffee?” She softly smiles, bringing the coffee mug to her lips and takes a small sip. My heart hammers away at the way her eyes catch the light and emanates a certain warmth that I weirdly feel in my chest.

 

“It’s perfect.” She smiles again and I can’t resist but smile back in return. Having the coffee you made for your Idol and getting it complemented only caused the warmth in my chest to spread throughout my whole body. A chill runs down my spine as I squeak out a thanks seeing as Yoona was not going to break eye contact or stop blinding me with that impossibly breath taking smile of hers.

 

---

“Unnie I’m going to get coffee. Do you want some?” We’re ten minutes into my two hour break from filming and I’ve been itching to have some caffeine. I think I’ve become addicted to coffee with how much I’ve been consuming this past two months. I walk along a familiar street, scarf around my neck and mask disguising my face. The streets still looking the same as the first time I walked it towards a certain café, the days warmer now that the seasons are changing.

 

The chime of the café bell announces my entrance and a familiar face greets me at the counter. I’ve been coming here almost ritually ever since Taeyeon unnie found the café

 

“Hi Sunny unnie! Where’s-“

 

“Back corner.” Sunny waves me off as she wipes the counters clean, a fond smile on her face as she watches me head towards the café’s secluded corner. I had acquainted the boss of the café after Taeyeon unnie and I had continuously visited for our dose of coffee during filming days. I increase the pace knowing that my favourite employee was sitting on her usual spot. Eager would be the right term for what was bubbling in my stomach, I haven’t seen her at the café or at any venue with a camera in hand for a week now so I’ve been eager on catching up with her.

 

She’s there sitting on her usual seat, absentmindedly tying her hair back into a ponytail. The world around seems to dull, the noise only a light buzz, as I watch her comb her hair back and I can’t help but think at how breathtaking she looks despite just wearing a beige sweater and light makeup.

 

“Yuri unnie!” I jump into her line of sight, successfully disrupting the tranquil look that she had a moment prior. She jumps in her seat and drops the hair that she had gathered in one hand as she instinctively slaps me on the shoulder. She catches on to her actions and awkwardly apologises, her shy demeanor once again returning. I sigh inwardly, it’s been two months since that awkward introduction and we still aren’t very comfortable around each other.

 

I understand that what we currently have now is a fan and idol relationship, I hope that we can have a more meaningful relationship later down the road. Despite the short and awkward meetings there have been times where we forgot our roles in our current dynamic and treated each other as equals. I can’t help but revel at how we could be comfortable with each other despite our circumstances. Unfortunately reality comes back and we’re back to square one.

 

“Unnie, how was your date?” I ask, seated in front of her now. She’s back to combing her hair back into a ponytail, a small groan escaping her lips and I unconsciously frown at the sight.

 

“Horrible.” Yuri then huffs, tidying up her bangs as she retells her story of her horrific second date who only wanted to get in her pants. I roll my eyes in response whenever she brings up her date’s name and reassure her that she’ll meet someone better. Though deep inside I bristle at the thought of someone that shallow would only ever date Yuri for . She deserves someone better than that.

 

“Oh right, unnie.” Yuri peeks over the rim of her mug, taking a sip of her coffee. “How were the ticket sales for the fan meeting?” Again, another groan. I take it didn’t go too well for her.

 

“It ran out in 2 minutes!” She waves two fingers in the air in exaggeration and I can’t help but slip out a few chuckles at how cute she looks- huffing and puffing about the two minutes.

 

“Go ahead. Laugh. It’s your fan meeting anyway.” She groans into the table, her head now resting on the table surface. My grin widens unconsciously, unable to hide the plan that was brewing in my head.

 

“Your right. I don’t have to worry about tickets. It’s my fan meeting anyway.” I shrug, my nose tilting up arrogantly, acting as if it was not a problem to me. Which wasn’t, and Yuri was well aware of it as well. I get a middle finger as a response and I burst into laughter, savouring the feeling of having Yuri as a friend and not as my fansite.

 

“Well, I guess you’re not interested on two extra tickets then.” I stir my coffee, watching how she perks up at the sound of a chance to attend my fan meeting from under my eyelashes- I did put extra emphasis on extra tickets just to even more. She doesn’t say anything, uselessly flapping open, but her eyes shine at me as if saying, No way. You’re not serious?

 

“I am. And it’s exclusively only for Kwon Yuri and plus one.” The corners of my mouth widen as Yuri registers my words, the shock written on her face doubling. It gets to the point where she’s now standing flabbergasted, hands leaning on the table, still unable to say anything- but her eyes flash with so many emotions that I struggle to interpret them all. “Surprise!”

 

I take a sip from my cooling coffee thinking that she’s still frozen in her spot, until I hear a shriek of excitement and arms suddenly wrapping around my shoulders. I almost choke on my coffee as a very excited Yuri shakes me on my seat. I let out a gargled laugh after battling with the mouthful of coffee stuck in my throat.

 

“Thank you! Yoona, thank you!” I reach up to pat the arms around me. A strange tingling sensation taking over my body, starting from my shoulders where Yuri’s arms still rest. Maybe it’s from the excitement of surprising my friend and fansite. She squeezes me one more time before I tilt my head back to have a look at her. All I see is her cheeks pulled back to the brightest grin, her eyes b with excitement, and I stare too long at the happy sight. A small corner of my mind goes blank as I try to commit everything into memory, and all of a sudden I wanted to keep making Yuri this happy.

 

The moment is cut short as soon as we make eye contact, and the weight on my shoulders is suddenly gone as she jumps away from me- as if scalded by my touch. She lets out a soft Sorry and that familiar blanket of awkwardness is once again wrapped around us. I can’t help but be disappointed by the change of mood, but I don’t let that deter me from my visit here.

 

“So I’ll see you at the fan meet?” My grin returns as I see her nod. Suddenly giddy at the thought of seeing her there. “Also, Taeyeon unnie would be really happy if you were to bring Sunny unnie. But it’s up to you!”  I quickly add before finishing my cup of coffee, suddenly very aware of how little time I had left before my shoot starts. I bid her a quick farewell and picked up two take away cups from Sunny, before briskly walking back to the set. Arriving with barely enough time to look over my lines.

 

---

 

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” I’ve been screaming from the top of my lungs ever since she stepped out to the stage. Her charisma and sweet, angelic voice doing nothing but encourage me to scream harder and louder. My heart beating faster than when I go on my dates, trying to keep up with the oxygen demand I’m putting my body through just for the sake of cheering Yoona on. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

 

“Oh my god! Shut up Yul! You’re ruining all of my shots!” Sunny on the other hand is shooting daggers from behind her well-hidden camera. She looks like she’s a second away from throttling me to the ground with how quick the vein on her neck is pulsating. I, on the other hand have already given up on taking secret videos of Yoona’s fan meeting. There are already numerous shaky and unusable videos stored in my camera from when the event started half an hour ago. Don’t get me started on the self-sabotaged audio that is now uselessly taking up storage space.

 

“Hoe my god are those abs?!” My traitorous eyes slowly drag down to her well-defined stomach. The muscles rippling as they tense and relax with her every movement. I can’t even think straight anymore. Not when she’s on her hands and knees making the simplest groundwork look like she could impregnate me and I would be thankful for it. What?

 

“I think I’m gay now.” I swallow the drool pooling in my mouth completely unable to tear my eyes away at Yoona’s figure on the stage- shoulders and stomach in plain sight for everyone to see. It doesn’t help that I’m seated directly in front of the said stage a few rows away from the dancing goddess that she is. Sunny on the other hand remains completely unimpressed, slapping me on the shoulder with whatever force she could muster in that petite body of hers. There was a lot.

 

“The Yul??” She side eyes me again. I cower slightly trying to hide my hand marked shoulder. “You already are! .” I poke my tongue out in response, scared of saying something that might cause another bruise inducing slap from her.

 

You’d think that there wouldn’t be any more heart stopping surprises by the time the small concert session finished, right?

 

Wrong. I was completely wrong.

 

“Now I know a lot of my fans are here tonight. I would like to thank a certain fan for being with me since the very beginning and for their continuous support.” Yoona slowly looks through the crowd, taking in the sea of white lights that all of her fans are waving around. She stops when she’s facing my section. The smile on her face slowly widening to the point where her right eye closes, a sign that she’s extremely happy. My section waves in response to gaining Yoona’s attention, but I feel weightless despite erratically waving my lightstick like the rest of her fans. Our eyes meet and I can’t do anything else but look back. I don’t let myself look away from seeing her so happy up on that stage, full makeup on, and the lights shining brightly on her.

 

I was lost in a sea of small, individual lights surrounded by darkness. There was no way she could have seen me from where she stood on that bright stage, but there she was, looking directly at me. Smiling at me. Thanking me. My smile is wide in return. I couldn’t help myself but reach out to her, light stick in hand, not really knowing what to do or why I did it, but it was what felt right at the moment. Surrounded by hundreds of unknown individuals but her attention was on me, and only at me.

 

“You know who you are.” She winks before turning back to her white board overfilled with fan messages. Like a spell coming undone, I blink back to the noise of screams and the warmth emitting from the lights and the crowd. But it doesn’t take away the warmth and tingling that I feel across my cheeks, and I come to think that I don’t mind the feeling- not one bit.

*

“So how was the fan meet?” Yoona greets us with a big grin as we step in her waiting room, the event staff closing the door behind us, still in her stage outfit rocking on the balls of her feet. The Yoona in front of me is a complete one-eighty from the celebrity I was screaming my lungs out for. She’s grinning at us as she waits for our answer. Her hands clasped behind her back, tilting her head to the side in the most adorable manner that makes me want to ask for forgiveness for all of the inappropriate thoughts that popped in my head earlier today.

 

“Oh, you could say it was very hot.” I freeze in my spot. Remembering that Sunny is right beside me, the smile on her face coy as she sees the panic in my eyes begging her to not expose me in front of Yoona.

 

“Oh no. Are you okay?” I feel myself slightly relax when the comment goes right over Yoona’s head. Instead she fusses over us, handing out a bottle of water to compensate for the “heat” that we were sitting in.

 

“Someone was very thirsty.” I send her a glare that I hope would make her choke on the water she’s drinking. If we were alone by ourselves she would’ve already drowned by her water bottle. This .

 

“Yah!” I startle on my spot and almost choke to death by the arm looped tightly around my neck. Struggling to comprehend as to why I'm suddenly being attacked by someone who I don’t even know.

 

 Oh.

 

“Care to explain why you’re breaking and entering?” I blink back my surprise and shove her back with my own Yah!  Before bringing her back in for a hug, the two of us giggling in each other’s arms. We break apart only to be met by questioning looks from Sunny and Yoona. Briefly introducing ourselves as high school friends, specifically dance club, we wouldn’t have been friends if it weren’t for our common interest in dance. Hyoyeon is quick to invite us for dinner with Yoona nodding along, flashing us both with an excited grin before heading off to notify Taeyeon about the change of plans.

 

**

 

“Okay, just a few more shots and we should be good for today.” I say to Yoona from behind my camera, the studio lights beaming down towards the actress as she continues to hold poses for me.

 

We’re in a small studio for hire; the size of a small living room, a large grey backdrop on one wall, my laptop along with a few snacks and drinks on the other.  A definite downsize to what Yoona is more used to. It was the best I could do for someone who works as a freelancer and with such short notice.

 

It was a week ago when, as usual, Yoona and Taeyeon comes in for their weekly dose of caffeine during filming. Taeyeon is more strung up than usual, phone in her ear as she frantically waves her other hand in the air trying to articulate an answer to whoever was on the other side.

 

“Unnie’s just stressed that the photographer we hired had to cancel our shoot.” We share a glance towards Taeyeon, steam spewing out of her ears with how red she had gotten. “Bankruptcy. Or something like that.” Yoona shrugs before ordering for herself and for poor Taeyeon pacing around the main entrance.

 

“You wouldn’t happen to know a studio photographer do you?” Yoona blows into her take away cup, still watching Taeyeon pace, but it was obvious that she too was worried about the upcoming headache if they didn’t find one soon.

 

“Yuri’s a photographer.” Sunny pipes in from behind me, two plates of pastry at hand, she flashes Yoona a quick hello before making her way to a table.

 

“Free lance.” I gave her a small shrug, not believing that I was good enough to be a photographer for one of Korea’s most popular actresses. Besides I’ve put my fansite work on hold for now just to focus on building my portfolio and earning a stable income.

 

“So are you free next Friday?” She grabs my hand from the counter and holds it between us, the tension from her shoulders lessen by a touch as she eyes me with hope. I argue back to not let her hopes up with barely a reputation under my name of a photographer, the decline on the tip of my tongue. But she counters with, ‘What better way to get your name out there other than having your name as my photographer for Season’s Greetings?’ Plus being the sole object of those pathetically cute doe eyes did wonders on gaining my approval.

 

A whoop of joy before Yoona runs over to Taeyeon to relay the good news, and a day later I’m signing a temporary contract as Yoona’s photographer.

 

“Alright, we’re all done!” I announce with a big smile on my face. The shoot had gone so well despite my nerves threatening to make a fool out of myself. Yoona’s already at the monitors looking over the pictures as I pack away my equipment, humming a quiet tune to myself, content at how I was able to take proper photos of my idol in a proper studio and not behind a barricade.

 

I lug my equipment over my shoulder as we make our way out of the building. The street bathed in light hues of orange as the sun slowly sets over the horizon, Yoona’s company van parked not too far from the building. I turn to Yoona about to say goodbye and bid her a goodnight, not really having any excuse to prolong our time together.

 

“Do you want to get ramyeon together?” I blink back, just staring at Yoona biting her bottom lip, I realize in nervousness. Did she forget what that means?

 

“At least buy me dinner first.” It takes her a second longer to process, so I send her a wink as well as a kiss to further prove my point. She bursts into a stuttering mess, red along the cheeks, down to her neck and ears.  I tip my head back as the laughter slips past my mouth, forgetting about the bags on my shoulders almost weighing me down to the ground. Tears form on the corners of my eyes as I end up clinging on to Yoona’s arm to steady myself. Poor Yoona couldn’t even get a word across and resolved to weakly slapping my shoulder, letting out a whine or two for me to stop.

 

We end up back to my apartment, a pot boiling on the stove, and the soft rhythm of music playing in the background.

 

Yoona had insisted on having the driver driving me back after seeing how much equipment I was going to carry. It was only two bags and a suitcase full of equipment. This was an easy ten-minute walk back. Yoona on the other hand was not taking no for an answer, taking my bags off my shoulders and into the van as she argued her way into getting my reluctant consent. By the time I realized it, all of my equipment were already in the van and they were just waiting for me to hop in.

 

Yoona then further begged Taeyeon on the phone to let her have dinner with me first before getting sent back home. Flashing the Uncle a grateful smile and a wave as he drove off down the street.

 

“Yoona can you look after the food while I shower?” I’ve been craving a steaming hot shower ever since we stepped foot into my apartment, but as the good host that I am let Yoona have one first. Lo and behold she comes into the kitchen hair in a towel and bathrobe, I sure hope she’s wearing clothes under all that. I mentally smack myself for the thought but she looks absolutely domestic with the fresh, makeup free look. It feels like we’re living together…. hehe.

 

I dash I away to the bathroom to have my very cold shower before more delusional thoughts overtake my mind.

 

As soon as I step out of the bathroom the smell of cooked noodles and kimchi slaps me in the face with its delicious aroma, my mouth watering instantly as my hunger returns. I round the corner to the kitchen and I immediately halt in my tracks, backpedaling to hide behind the wall to watch Yoona dance around in my kitchen. It wasn’t like the dance at the fan meet. No, she looks completely at ease. Enjoying herself as she waits.

 

It takes my breath away just seeing her smiling so freely, moving her body to the sound of the music. No care in the world if it didn’t look good or if she was doing the right steps. My lips twitch and stretch out into a smile the more I watch the scene and I wonder if Yoona had always looked like this. So human. So reachable.

 

“Oh.” I freeze on the spot as we make eye contact. Both of us looking away in embarrassment too caught up in our own world to notice each other. Yoona rubs the back of her neck and does that small giggle she always does when she’s shy, and again I wonder why I’ve only just noticed how real she is. “I think it’s done.”

 

I walk past her to get to the cabinet behind her, taking out my liquid gold in a glass bottle, truffle oil. “Not yet.” Yoona eyes the bottle first before looking back at me, head slightly tilted to the side and I grin back excited to see how she’d react to my secret ingredient. I get her to sit at the table as I finished preparing the ramyeon, transferring the noodles into two bowls (Yoona’s a lot more fuller than mine) before placing it in front of her.

 

I urge her to have the first bite, eager to see how she reacts. Her eyes growing wide the more she chews her mouthful, she voices her satisfaction through happy groans.

 

She feeds herself more noodles and closes her eyes to really savour the flavor, my heart bursting with pride seeing how happy she gets eating her bowl of noodles. I tuck into my bowl as well, but my eyes can’t seem to leave the sight of Yoona in front of me. Yoona catches me staring, but instead of looking away I’m once again breathless and weightless at the same time. My eyes drinking in the sight in front of me. Yoona’s smile could have rivaled a hundred suns despite her cheeks still full of noodles. Wow.

 

How have I not noticed this Yoona before?

 

 

---

I hate this.

 

Why did I even choose this as my career path?

 

Stupid media. Stupid. Everything’s stupid!

 

I sag further in my couch feeling defeated, the news about my so-called dating scandal still blasting away from my tv. It didn’t help that fans are now commenting on every single social media post affiliated with me. This couldn't have happened at a better time, not when my role for the biggest drama of my career hasn’t been approved yet. With such negative outcome from the media, I’m not even surprised if the producers back out on their decision on having me as their lead actress.

 

It all just pisses me off. I’m not even involved with this guy!

 

I tackle the pillow I’m lying on. Venting out all of the anger and frustration that’s building up after seeing the damned headlines again. I flick the tv off before I pace around my living room, trying to ease off the negative energy that’s is continuously churning in me. I’m currently on house arrest after management had first found out about the scandal and it doesn’t do anything to help my mental state at all.

I hear my doorbell ring and a few urgent knocks from my front door, but I ignore it thinking that it’s probably from a nosy neighbour or those pesky journalists who managed to sneak past security.

 

I ignore the knocking and the ringing a few more times as I pace. The noise only further irritating me. I hear my phone buzz on the kitchen counter and I had half the mind to ignore it, let it ring out so I can have time to feel sorry about myself. It rings again and again. I finally pick up the phone, the other side quiet except for two words; “Open up.”

 

Flinging the front door open, I’m met with an irritated Yuri, scrunched eyebrows and a scowl that made me feel bad for ignoring her.

 

“Finally.” She brushes past me and into the kitchen, shuffling behind the fridge door as I dumbly watch her from the kitchen threshold. Not really knowing what to do to pacify the grumbling woman, the irritation I felt earlier quickly forgotten.

 

She turns and steps in front of me, her face now unreadable as she places her hands on my shoulders. I take a step back, eyeing the hand on my shoulder, uncertain on what will happen next.

 

“Are you okay? How are you feeling?” My eyes snap up to hers, finally registering the way how her eyebrows come together, biting her inner lip, as her eyes wander my face looking for something. “Taeyeon let me up. I was worried about you.” Ah.

 

A flash of warmth envelopes me. It’s not like the type of warmth that you get from standing in front of a fire. It’s soft, tender; it makes me feel like the lightest thing in the world. The burden on my shoulders gone. Instead, I feel her thumbs my shoulders. I hyperfixate on how she softly squeezes my arms as her hands travel down into mine. The longer she holds onto my hands the more I feel the warmth. It’s the comfort that I’ve been looking for since the news broke out, and now that I have it, it pools along the edges of my eyes. Sliding down my cheeks as I smile at her. Just having someone with me brings me comfort, that I don’t have to deal with this mess all alone.

 

I feel the pad of her thumb across my cheek, wiping away the tears still running down my face. She’s even more worried, but I hold both of her hands in place, not wanting the comfort that they bring to fly away. “I’m better now.”

 

Yuri stays with me for the rest of the day. Making sure I don’t see any news, cooking me lunch, listening to my worries. With her around I forget how cruel the world is outside of my apartment. I don’t think about what the headlines are going to say tomorrow. Her presence brings a solitude of peace, and I appreciate it. Especially when my current life is a bundle of fake identities, media that will sell you out for money, and expectations of the world.

 

I realize, that as selfish as it is, I don’t want to lose this tiny moment of peace. I don’t want to go back to a world where I’m all alone.

 

 I turn to Yuri beside me, munching on her chicken, a bucket of Goobne chicken on the living room table, a few bottles of beer littered around it. I spot splodges of sauce on the corners of my mouth and I don’t stop the chuckle from escaping me. She raises an eyebrow in question, but I merely wave her off. Fondness for the woman in front of me growing as I lean into her to wipe the sauce away, freezing in place as she lets me. 

 

“Go out with me.” The smile I’m wearing falls as I accidentally blurt out those words. I see that Yuri’s shocked as well, but she brushes it off as a joke. Soft red lightly colouring her cheeks and she can’t look into my eyes for more than a second before she fidgets on her seat.

 

I can’t help it anymore. I can’t do it anymore. “I’m serious Yul. I’ve liked you for a while now.”

 

She’s silent, and my anxiety tells me that she’s disgusted. That I’ve made a mistake opening up to her in hopes of developing our relationship further. I’m afraid that she’ll leave and never want to see me again. But in the midst of my inner turmoil I take a deep breath to silence my thoughts and clear my head. I wait for her to say something. There’s nothing. It looks like she’s stuck in her own mind as well.

 

I take her hand in mine, snapping her back into my living room, and she stares at me- a whole array of emotions swimming behind those brown eyes. Despite the crippling anxiety tearing me from the inside I don’t see a shred of disgust or anything else that my mind is whispering into my ears. So I swallow everything and open my mouth.

 

“You’ve become someone who is important to me. Despite initially seeing you as my fan, I don’t see that part of you when I’m with you. You’re funny, sweet, hardworking and many other things, and I love who I become when I’m with you.” I squeeze her hand as I look into her eyes. She still hasn’t said a word, and her eyes are still a mixture of emotions. But I feel her squeeze mine back and it gives me the courage to continue.

 

“I feel safe around you. I don’t have to show you any other side of me other than my authentic self, and you accept me for who I am. Not the Yoona that I’ve learnt to project to the rest of the world. In short I have feelings for you. Romantically.” I briefly look up into her eyes as I finish, but I don’t have the courage to maintain it as I wait for her response.

 

I feel her pulling away and I don’t try to pull her back, my mind not really knowing what to do other than process the mild ache that I feel and the disappointment of knowing that there would be no further process in our relationship. Despite it all, a part of me breathes easier now that my feelings are out in the open, and hopes that we could still remain as friends in the end.

 

I feel her move closer to me, her hand once again holding mine and I flinch back, confused. “It’s okay if you don’t have feel the same way. I understand if you want space-“

 

“I like you too, dummy.” Now I stare back at her, surprised, but I don’t let myself get too far ahead, not when it looks like she still has more to say.

 

”I’ve liked you ever since I got to know more of the real you. I haven’t looked at you as my Idol since the Season’s Greetings photo-shoot. You’ve encouraged me to be better and I like that I feel like I can do anything with you around.” She gives me a small watery smile. Her eyes pooling with unshed tears as she holds my hand tighter.

 

“But I’m worried too. I’m afraid about what this relationship will do to your career. You know better than me how the media will react when they find out that you’re in a relationship with another woman. I don’t want to do that to you Yoona.” The tears continuously roll down her cheeks as she shrinks into herself, appearing smaller than she normally is. It brings tears to my eyes as well to find out how much she’s considered how her feelings could ruin my career, and I don't have any words to counter that because I do know how this can play out if somebody finds out.

 

It hurts because I don't want to have to choose between my career and a possible future with Yuri.

 

It hurts because as soon as they find out, Yuri will also be dragged into this and possibly hurt her budding career.

 

I don’t know what else to do but wrap my arms around her and pull her in as tight as I could. I don’t want her to think that she had to go through it alone. The responsibility is also mine to bear. Together we stayed like that until we could cry no more. Until our minds were numb and all we could do was appreciate the warmth of the other. We stayed like that for God knows how long, but in the midst of it we were glad that we were able to confess our feelings.

 

---

 

“Guess who.” Yuri jumps in her seat, the yelp bouncing off of the now empty studio walls she’s working in, back hunched and furiously clicking away at the monitor.

 

Yuri can still feel the thunder in her chest, but now that she’s able to register everything she wildly swings her arms back to the person still covering her eyes. Frustratingly missing the person still holding her vision captive.

 

She hears the familiar giggle not too far away from her ear and she smiles to herself as she gives up trying to hit them. Instead circling her hands around the person’s thin wrists, bringing them down around her shoulders so that she can now feel their breath on her cheek. The breath is replaced by a warm pair of lips and she still blushes despite being used to it already.

 

“Don’t I get one too?” The owner pouts into Yuri’s cheek, giving it more kisses as she refuses to say anything.

 

Yuri relents in the end, the kisses tickling her the more it travels down to her jaw. She spins around in her chair and is met with a bare faced Yoona, eyes crinkling as Yuri opens her arms, not hesitating to plop herself on Yuri’s lap.

 

“Hi.” They both breathe out as they stare at each other, both drinking in the sight of the other after not seeing each other in person for a week- both following their respective hectic careers. They missed each other, that much they could tell. Their foreheads connecting as they sit there enjoying the other’s presence, no words needed at the moment, just feeling the other in their arms.

 

Yoona opens an eye to peak at the other woman, but startles as she catches somebody else looking at her. They burst out into a small fit of laughter before Yuri starts to push her off of her, Yoona pouting as she follows Yuri into a small kitchen at the back corner of the studio.

 

She soon breaks into a smile as she watches Yuri bring a pot to a boil, taking out two packets of ramyeon. Her arms linking around the older’s waist as she steps into Yuri’s personal space, leaning into her, her chin resting on a shoulder. As they wait they fall into small conversations, catching each other up with their lives, and while doing so Yoona would lean in to kiss the older’s cheek earning a smile back in return. They only break apart when it was time to eat the noodles, a bowl in front of them, the smell of freshly cooked ramyeon wafting into their noses and watering their mouths.

 

Despite being hungry Yoona pouts at her bowl, an ingredient missing that she has to have with her noodles after being introduced to it. She’s still pouting at her noodles by the time Yuri turns around from the kitchen counter, a bottle in hand, and doesn’t notice the older standing beside her. She feels something soft on her lips, quick and light, but it breaks her concentration from her noodles and watches Yuri tip liquid yellow into her bowl.

 

Instantly her eyes glimmer as she mixes her noodles, smile wide as Yuri tells her to eat up. Yuri merely watches Yoona slurp her noodles with gusto, hand resting on her cheek and a small smile gracing her lips. She leans forward as Yoona chews a big mouthful, cheeks bulging looking like a chipmunk, and places her lips on the younger's- tongue swiping away the sauce on her bottom lip. A coy smile on her face as she sees Yoona redden and chewing slowing to a stop. Oh what she would do to have Yoona eat with her everyday like this for the rest of their lives.

 

Yoona attempts to swallow but ends up choking; earning a laughing fit from Yuri as she pats the younger’s back.

 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready already?” Yuri pauses her ministrations on Yoona’s baby hair, only resuming when Yoona checks and reassures her that she has time.

 

“I want to be with my girlfriend more.” Yoona squeals inside as she replays the word in her mind. Still reeling from the feeling of having the woman in front of her as her girlfriend. It had taken them a month of talking and coaxing before the two were officially together. They had much to discuss about with each other and to Yoona’s company. Their conditions graciously met along with the company’s protection from the media, malicious comments, and everything that could greatly affect them both.

 

 It’s been five months since then and they’ve been able to give good ol’ Dispatch the slip, remaining a secret to the public but well received with friends and family. It helps that the public always either thought of them as really good friends or that they were only a Celebrity and their fan.

 

“Gross.” Yuri clicks her tongue and looks away; despite that she herself was feeling everything but disgust for the woman on her lap. Yoona see’s the pink on her cheeks from where she’s resting and brings her hand up to caress it. Running her thumb along a cheek before tucking away stray strands behind her ear.

 

“Only for you.” She breathes out, softly, only loud enough for Yuri to hear. Before further sliding her arm behind Yuri’s neck, pulling her down. Their lips slowly meet, dancing to a slow melody as they savour the feeling of the other’s lips. They smile during this tender time for themselves, both immensely happy to be able to be together despite the odds stacked against them.

 

“YAH.” They break apart, matching red faces, stunned at the woman breaking through the studio’s main door. “How long are you going to stay here? We’re late!” Yuri sends Yoona a glare as she shrinks into herself nowhere near looking guilty, flashing her a small smile and an Oops.

 

Yoona’s dragged off by a fuming Taeyeon, the hold on her ear vice-like as they head to the exit. Yuri merely watches on, amusement swimming in her eyes as Yoona screams bloody murder trying to get Taeyeon to let go of her very red ear.

*

 

“Yul! How do I look?” Yoona extends her arm as she angles her phone to show Yuri her whole outfit, it comes out a shaky blur on Yuri’s side but she already knows that Yoona will take the spotlight again this year. Yoona’s face is painted to perfection, not a hair out place as she Facetime’s Yuri now on the way to the red carpet.

 

Gorgeous.

 

“You’ve got a booger on you.” Yuri jokes as she sets her phone down on the kitchen counter, cooking her dinner before the ceremony is broadcasted live. Yoona brings the phone to her face trying to spot the so-called booger, checking her appearance. Even if Yoona did have a booger on her, she still would have taken her breath away and she would still be left admiring the fabulous and more ordinary sides of Yoona.

 

“Yul, it’s nearly my turn. Watch me!” Yuri sees Yoona handing the phone over to someone, but just as she leaves, she sends Yuri flying kisses. Yuri looks at the empty space on her arm and with a disgusted look, slaps it before brushing it off.

 

Mischief swirls in her eyes as she watches Yoona from the corner of her eyes, her smirk growing as she sees the other perk up in acknowledgement.

 

Yoona looks horrified across the screen, and as the actress that she is begins to act as if her heart is breaking.

 

Or as if she's suffering from a mild heart attack, desperately clutching her chest and breathing heavily, if you were to watch her from a different angle.

 

Yoona sends her one last kiss before the door is flung open and actress Im steps out of her company vehicle. Yuri hears a faint, You guys are disgusting, before the call ends, but her attention is already on the tv watching her Idol wave to fans and paparazzi with that breathtaking smile of hers.

 

Yoona wins actress of the year and doesn’t forget to thank her fans, especially her most special one- her girlfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BONUS]

Anon67: Fansite-nim was so loud you can hear them screaming in ten different fancams kekekeke

Anon89: Who wouldn't scream when Yoona knows who you were kekeke

Anon190: Teach us your ways fansite-nim TT

 

 

“Wait, wait.” Yoona pauses her scrolling through hundreds of comments of a video of her posted five years ago during one of her many birthday fan meets.

 

“That was you?” She then plays back the same video, shaky but they could definitely see a younger looking Yoona dancing under stage lights. Though, it wasn’t the dance that she was interested in. She fast-forwards it to a minute and twenty seconds and despite the unstable footage, a scream louder than the rest reverberates around the living room. It doesn’t stop there; the same scream is heard another five times before the video ends at two minutes.

 

Yoona stares down on her wife, an amused smile taking over her features as she sees Yuri cringing in her arms trying to hide herself into the crook of her neck.

 

“Ugh, I was one of your biggest fans okay.” Yuri scowls at the -eating grin that is now plastered on Yoona’s face, embarrassed that she is finally exposed after hiding that damned secret for five long years.

 

“Yul you can hear yourself in more than ten fancams!” Yoona guffaws, her whole body shaking as she tilts her head back over the backrest of their living room couch. She doesn’t notice her wife pulling away from her previous position, taking slow calming breaths as her ire grows the more she sees Yoona wipe tears leaking out of her eyes.

 

Stupid Yoona. Stupid fancam. Stupid fans.

 

“Yul- Oof!” Yoona doubles over clutching her stomach. It doesn’t hurt; she’s just shocked that she didn’t see that halfhearted punch to her very exposed, unguarded stomach. It stops her from laughing, much to Yuri’s relief, but a few chuckles fly out as she settles back on to the couch.

 

“I was wondering who had such healthy pair of lungs.” She teasingly side-eyes her still beet red wife fanning herself from her previous embarrassment. Yuri would’ve let that comment fly over her head if it wasn’t for the fact that Yoona had that erted look she’s very acquainted with.

 

“Yah!” It goes to say, on that day Yuri turned a deeper shade of red and Yoona was left nursing a very red handprint on her shoulder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BONUS PART 2]

 

Yoona is sitting in a long table along with her fellow actors and actresses, facing a small auditorium of flashing cameras and row upon row of fans and journalists. All excited to talk about the new film that is to be released in two weeks time.

 

Yoona doesn’t speak much as most of the questions are directed to the new lead actress, not like she cares too much as she was more than happy for her Junior’s success. She scans the crowd out of boredom, having grown tired of the same questions thrown at them for all of their past confrences.

 

She doesn’t show much of a reaction but she perks up at the sight of someone sitting a few rows away from the reporters. Her whole demeanour changing by the slightest, not very noticeable by the common crowd but to those who know her enough, like her friends, family, and fans, it basically screamed that her attention was somewhere else.

 

She waves to a certain direction in the farce of waving at her fans, but even her fans knew that it wasn’t for them. It was directed to a fan holding a camera of a sizeable size obstructing her whole face. Her fans weren’t born yesterday. This fansite was a celebrity among fansites, the fansite that did the impossible. Kkuma. As soon as they found out who was among them, they had no idea who to spazz over for anymore. Their Idol or their Idol’s wife, the holy mother of their fandom.

 

Behind the camera of hers, Yuri happily snaps away oblivious to the dilemma happening a few rows behind her. Today was her surprise to Yoona. Having snuck in without her wife knowing to bring her fansite to life after several years of absence. She watches her wife behind the viewfinder, that feeling of awe coming back to her in waves as she makes eye contact with her wife like how she did when they first met.

 

“I have a question for Yoona.” The actress snaps back into her professional role, sending the reporter an expectant smile to acknowledge her. “Your birthday is soon. Fan’s are wondering if you’ll hold a fan meeting again?”

 

Yoona is pensive for a second, tapping her chin as she watches her fans specifically under her lashes. She will of course, but where’s the fun in that if she were to spoil it. “What would you like me to do?”

 

Yuri watches the smirk form on her wife’s face, still snapping away behind her camera. She hears the fans behind her mumble to each other, no doubt excited about the possible news. She would be too if she was in their shoes. But she is married to the person they’re loyal to so of course she can’t help but feel special when she knows about Yoona’s upcoming projects before anybody else.

 

“Marry me.” The whole room falls quiet. The silence loud in everyone’s ears.

 

What?

 

Yoona gapes in silence. Her gaze cutting over to a figure hidden in the shadows away from the spotlight, camera now on her lap as she sits in silence.

 

The fans see the small action and in turn focuses on the woman in front of them, unmoving. They don’t see the woman’s expression but even they could tell from the sudden drop in temperature that the reporter ed up. Oohhhhhh boy.

 

Soft chuckles from the reporters break the silence and the conference is back to its normal schedule.

---

 

Anon10: OH GIRLY NO.

 

Anon99: Even we’re not delusional enough to ask Yoona that. Especially in front of HER WIFE. Hahaha

 

Anon145: RIP.

 

Anon199: You should’ve seen Mrs. Yuri’s face. She was ready to throw hands.

 

Anon219: I’m pretty sure Mrs. Yuri would’ve said, “Excuse me she married to ME.” HAHAHA

 

Anon88: My 100,000 tonne cruise ship plowed through that iceberg of a reporter. This ain’t titanic haha

 

---

 

Yuri chuckles along at the comments that Yoona’s making her read, the whole event long forgotten after the conference had ended.

 

God does she love the fandom she’s in.

 

She takes the phone from Yoona’s hand, typing in her own anonymous comment about her.

 

Anon512: She would have thrown her camera at the reporter if it wasn’t so expensive. Kekekeke

 

Yoona giggles over her shoulder, wondering how she ended up marrying her number one fan.

 

“I love you.” She tilts Yuri’s chin towards her, bringing their lips together. There’s no one around now so she doesn’t have to be so conservative when showing her affection to her wife. Swiping her tongue along Yuri’s bottom lip for entrance as they both manouvre themselves better on the couch, the phone long forgotten on the floor.

 

“Love you more.” Yuri breathlessly responds, her heart palpitating as Yoona remains on top of her. Her eyes still oozing with the same amount of affection she had for the younger woman when they were still dating. Both of them grateful to have a wife who stands by them as they face hardships, peaceful times, and the little moments in between.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: Hello!

 

Here’s an early Christmas present for all of you Troopers! I can’t believe this is my only fic for 2021. Surprisingly I pulled through with a 14k prequel for Married Life. Honestly did not expect that, especially when this was first written in 2018 (I thought this would forever be saved in my drafts ahaha). There is a difference with the story telling from when I first wrote it in 2018 to now. I apologise for that, I got lazy and couldn't be bothered changing the whole thing. Man I’ve forgotten how different writing first pov is to third pov.

 

I’ve gone through a roller coaster of a year. Had my heart broken a few months ago and I’m still healing from it. BUT I’m healing so that’s what I’m taking away from the mess that I walked out of. Unfortunately I don’t find this fic as good as Married Life, but I’m still proud of myself for putting something up after months of not writing.

 

So to those who took the time to read, commented, and subscribed, Thank you! I deeply appreciate it. I hoped you liked it.

 

I wish you all a Merry Christmas (or Happy Holidays if you don’t celebrate it) and a Happy New Year. Here’s to a better year for everyone! Take care of yourselves and I’ll see you next time!

 

 

 

Ps. Of course I had to bring back the Anons ;)