A/N: This is a mess. I'm a mess. But I needed to get that out of my heart to finally be able to continue my other work, because this is the reason for a major blockage I experienced the past few weeks. This story is all over the place, but I could not let this trouble me anymore. I apologize for letting you wait for so long, I promise you it's not abandoned!  In the meantime, since it's my birthday on saturday, here's an early little something from me to you. ♥

"I understand. But please take care of yourself, Byul-ah.", Yongsun had begged over the phone earlier this evening, after she had cancelled another invitation to have dinner together with her older sister. "You need to start living again. I'm worrying."

But the more days passed, the more she felt excluded from life.
And the fact that the woman she still held so dearly in her heart didn't seem to feel the same nagged on her more than she was ready to admit.
Glossy smiles and beautiful sunsets shared with other women was all Byulyi had seen on Hyejins social media lately. All moments they had once shared only with each other.

More than two months since the last time she had heard from her. To Byulyi it sometimes felt like eternity and at the same time like only a day had passed since Hyejin had voiced the words that had nearly crushed her. "Let's take a break."
It hadn't taken that long until she realized that this wasn't a break. It was a break-up.

The blonde lifted the paper cup to her lips and took a sip of the hazelnut latte, fingers holding on to the last bit of warmth left in it for dear life.
It was one of the more pleasant nights in the middle of october, temperature wise, yet Byulyi couldn't help but feel cold inside.
She let her gaze wander over the city lights mirroring from the restless surface of the Han River, noticed pedestrians crossing the bridge not far from where she was leaning against the hood of her parked car, music playing quietly from inside.
Some of them were walking, some of them just strolled around, some of them were holding hands and others were holding on to their briefcase, some in a hurry and most of them probably on their way home.
But all of them seemed to have a purpose, or at least a goal in mind. And yet here she was, after an aimless drive through the city and a coffee she bought at the little coffee stand near her apartment, because she still couldn't sleep at nights, she ended up in the quiet little parking lot near the riverbank once again, but what once was their favourite hiding spot to spend time together was now mere a dark, abandoned place that lost it's meaning.

A break, the younger had suggested. Byulyi scoffed, tightening the grip on the to-go cup as she recalled the memory.
Work and progress was something she would have agreed with. A break was only an excuse to run from confrontation in her eyes.

She felt anger rising inside of her again, crumpling the coffee cup with the content already gone cold tossed it away, carding her fingers through her hair and taking a deep breath to calm herself.

Byulyi remembered how she had read about the seven stages of grief a while ago, going through them again.
She had survived the shock & denial.
She had pushed through the pain and guilt.
She had overcome the anger, although it still got the best of her sometimes.

And then she had fallen into depression, with it coming the all consuming loneliness, the heaviness of it nearly crushing her day by day.

The older pushed her hair back over her shoulder, blinking away a forming tear from the corner of her eye.
The next thing should be an upward turn, something to give her back her life, or at least let her hope. But she felt like waiting was a waste of time.

She brushed blonde strands of hair away from her face again, pointlessly fighting the harsh wind mocking her freezing form.
As if it wanted to tell her how pathetic she looked right now.
She let her tears fall this time, cheeks growing colder in an instant, but she didn't care enough to wipe them out of her face.
All she felt was the evergrowing bleakness in her heart while she tried to rub the stiffness out of her boney fingers.

"You forgot to bring gloves again, didn't you?"

Every movement in her body froze except for the tears running down her cheeks and her lips quivering.
Was it even a surprise? Either Yes or No would be a lie for sure, but her train of thoughts was interrupted when her neck met the soft fabric of a black scarf she had gifted to the younger on christmas last year, the scent of Hyejins favourite perfume hanging in the fibers and instantly lulling her in.

"What are you doing here all alone, unnie?"

She could see from the corner of her eye how Hyejin leaned against the car next to her, arms just centimeters apart and staring ahead just like her.
Byulyi reached up to loosen up the scarf around her face, nearly flinching at how she almost didn't feel the softness because of how cold her fingers were.
"Why do you want to know.."
It wasn't even a question, but Byulyi had to admit that she actually was curious about Hyejins reasons to find her at midnight in that dreary place.

But the younger made her wait for an answer, head tilted upwards, eyes fixed on the starless nightsky. Dark strands of silky black hair framed her profile, sliding from her shoulder as she inhaled deeply before opening . 
"The stars aren't up there."

The olders features froze for a second. "W..what?"
Not missing the confusion in her voice, Hyejin continued. "The city lights are so bright lately, it makes it almost impossible to see the sta-"

"What the are you talking about?"
Byulyi didn't mean to make her question sound so angry, but the disbelief and the absurdity of the whole situation had her act impulsively.

The younger took another breath, the slight shiver in her breath not going unnoticed by the blonde.
"I came because I worried."

Byulyi quirked up one brow, lips thinning to a smaller line.
"You worried?"

Hyejin nodded, still not looking at her.

It felt like a punch in the face to the older. After all the desperate tries to make her stay, now she worried?
"You must be kidding, right?"
Byulyi turned her body to face the woman fully now, arms crossed in front of her chest in a try to keep herself warm under her hoodie, but deep down she knew a little too well that it was a more desperate try to protect herself from the upcoming events.

"Wait, let me explain-"

"No Hyejin, there's not one explanation out there who could do justice to how you broke my heart and yet you're here telling me about some city lights?"

The younger, also facing her now, closed and swallowed thickly, hands falling to her sides, disarmed. 

"Where was your worry when I was on my own trying to figure this whole mess out? And where was your worry when I tried my hardest to work on myself?"
She didn't intend to sound so pathetic, but she knew that she had to let go of her buried emotions some day and that had day came quicker than she had expected.

"Where were your worries when I begged you to stay, Ahn Hyejin?"

Tears started to stream down her face again, but she couldn't stop now even if she wanted to. This was her chance. ..For what exactly? She wasn't sure. And didn't spend a second thought about it.

"You come here with some cryptic excuses and tell me about the night sky while I still desperately try to make sense of everything that happened." With her breathing getting quicker and her voice getting thinner, she tried to collect herself again, to not become frantic.

"If you came here to push your ego and finally break me then go on. I haven't got the strength to fight back anyway.", was the conclusion she drew, nerves strained and capitulation obvious in front of the woman she would probably never stop loving, because even know she would sacrifice her broken heart to card her fingers through the dark locks again, to caress the nape of her neck and to melt against the curves she had worshipped so often. Her tears didn't stop, nor did she try.

"I miss you."

Byulyi scoffed. "The you do."

"It's true, Byulyi."

The older shook her head. "You really must be kidding me." Disappointment started to bubble up in her. "Every time I checked your social media, guess what I saw? Clinking champagne glasses and stargazing friends? You replaced me so ing fast. I doubt you even wasted a thought about me. And now you come here, to.. to what? Mock me?"

Hyejin took a step closer and Byulyi wanted to back off, but her legs felt like stone.
"I met up with people to distract myself from the hurt I felt after leaving you, but as soon as I looked up at the sky I started missing you with every absent star."

Another step closer, Byulyi thought she could feel the heat radiating off of Hyejin already. She averted her gaze.

"I missed you with every silver Mercedes passing by, because it reminded me how we secretly ate fast food in your car in this parking lot. I missed you with every raindrop, because I could never forget how you spun me around in the rain and your shirt sticking to your skin, also right here. I can't forget how you carried me home on your back whenever I see my black Louboutins in my closet, because I still can't walk too long in them. I miss you with every tone of my phone, because I still hope that the message will be from you."

Overwhelmed would be an understatement. Byulyi was shocked.

There they stood, an armlength apart in a place that once meant so much, with both souls like an open book to read. Picking the scarf back up from her neck, Byulyi covered her tear stained face with it, trying to supress the sobs building up in her. Hearing the words she had craved from Hyejin moved her in a way she didn't thought she was still capable of feeling.

"It took me too long to realize that it was guilt I felt, not hurt." The youngers voice started to tremble as well. "And I'm sorry, Byulyi."

"I gave you my ing all!", the older screamed at her, voice on the verge of breaking. "I-.. I tried so hard to make you stay.", was the stuttered last desperate try to hold herself back when she felt careful fingers laying on her arms, mumbled behind the protective piece of accessory wrapped around her.

"I know..", Hyejin choked out, emotions overflowing her too.  "I'm so ing sorry."

It was both of them giving in, but it was Byulyi who crashed her body into Hyejins warmth, sobbing into the crook of her neck uncontrollably. The younger didn't seem to mind, wrapping her arms so tightly around the blondes shaking form, she felt back home in an instant, her body warming back up so fast, ignited by the affection she had craved for so long that she feared her legs giving up on her, the trembling in her body so very present.

"I tried, but no one could replace you, unnie."

Taking a deep breath after several moments of shared agony together, Byulyi sniffled, mascara smeared face reappearing from behind the black scarf. "Repeat that.."

Hyejin smiled and for the first time this night she looked directly into Byulyis eyes, capturing the little universe in them, tears looking like tiny stars still hanging in her lashes.
"You're the one I can't lose again, Byul-ah.", she whispered, sincerity dripping from her tone.

"Kiss me.", the blonde whispered back, the demand in her voice speaking lounder than the insecurity in her look.

And Hyejin didn't hesitate a second before gently melting her lips against Byulyis, tasting the salt and the sadness in an instant.

"Again."

Another gentle liplock before Hyejin noticed herself being pushed back, down against the cool metal of Byulyis car, black hair contrasting the shiny silver surface.

She opened her eyes when Byulyi pulled back, seeing the older hovering right over her, framed by the darkness of the night sky. "The stars are back where they belong."

Byulyi rolled her eyes, features adopting a playful annoyance.

"Another cheesy metaphora using my name and I swear.."

"It's you, Byul. It will always be you."

"That's better."