"Seulgi!”

Napasulyap saglit si Seulgi sa tumawag sakanya bago bumalik sa ineedit na design ng bahay ng isa nilang kliyente.

“Ano na namang kailangan mo, Jimenez?” Tanong ni Seulgi habang patuloy na nakatingin sa laptop niya.

Medyo hinihingal pa si Lisa na nagtatakang tumingin kay Seulgi. Sinasabi ko na nga ba! Malalagot pa ako kay Rosie nito eh.

“Totoo ka ba, Ibarra?! Today’s our flight!”

“What flight?”

Puta naman talaga oh!

“We’re flying to Canada! Gago ka ba?! Nakalimutan mo na bang ikakasal ang bestfriend mo?”

“And I don’t remember saying na sasama ako. Lisa, I have a lot of proposals to make. I clearly told you guys that I’ll try na sumunod.  Hindi ko sinabing sasabay ako sainyo.”

“Puta naman, tol.”

“Wannie will understand.”

“Buong barkada tayong pupunta don ngayon because we still need to fix a few things, Seul. Tol naman!”

“Just go without me, Lisa.”

Tangina don’t tell me...

“Seul, if this is about—“

“Don’t try to go there, Jimenez. Nakikita mo naman siguro ‘tong mga papel sa lamesa ko? This is not an easy work. Itatry kong sumunod if I’ll be able to finish these s.”

Damn it, Ibarra!

Lisa fished out her phone from her pocket and dialed Rosie’s number.

“Babe, I think I’ll be needing Jennie. Kasama mo naman siya diba?” 

“Yes, wait. I’ll hand her my phone.” Napatingin si Rosie kay Jennie na hindi pa rin tapos mag-impake.

Nasa bahay sila ni Jennie. Doon na sila nagkita-kita dahil ito na lang ang hindi pa nakakapag-impake.

Nilapitan ni Rosé si Jennie at inabot ang cellphone dito. The older girl just rolled her eyes.

“Seulgi Ibarra, I know your deadlines. You better be here before 9 p.m. with your suitcase or else I’ll suspend you.”

“What will be your grounds for suspension, Mrs. Kim?”

“Insubordination.”

“I’m sorry, Jen. Mauna na kayo. Katulad ng sinabi ko kay Lisa. Itatry kong sumunod. If hindi kinaya, I’ll be on video call na lang.”

“Putangina mo naman, Ibarra! Ano bang problema mo? That’s your bestfriend’s wedding for ’s sake!”

Hindi na malaman nila Jennie kung paano ba nila makukumbinsi si Seulgi na piliin ang wedding ng bestfriend nito kesa sa trabaho niya.

Nagulat na lamang sila Rosé nang biglang may umagaw ng cellphone at kinausap si Seulgi.

“I already asked Yerim to pack your things. You can do your work while you’re in Canada. Stop your nonsense, Ibarra. Hindi pwedeng hindi ka kasama. Diyan ka na rin maligo.”

“But—“

“Don’t try me, Seulgi. Wag mong hintayin na ako pa ang sumundo sayo. Kakaladkarin talaga kita.”

Napabuntong hininga nalang si Seulgi. Hinding-hindi talaga siya mananalo sa babaeng ito.

“Tell Yerim not to pack my whole closet.”

Binalik na ni Seulgi ang cellphone kay Lisa saka pinagpatuloy ang ginagawa. Lisa just shook her head as she expected this to happen. No one can win against Seulgi except for her. 

“Babe, text me pag paalis na kayo. Magkita na lang tayo sa airport.”

“Sure, babe. Look after Seul. Pakainin mo na rin yan I doubt na kumain na yan ng matinong meal today.”

After the call, Lisa turned to Seulgi who’s back on her busy self.

“Never ka talagang nanalo kay Irene.”

—

Tama lang din palang sumama ako dito. Watching Canada’s city light is kinda refreshing. Peaceful sa feeling. Ibang hangin. Pero….

“Wan, ayoko na. Hindi ko pala kaya.” Sambit ko sabay inom ng beer.

Naramdaman kong lumapit sakin si Wannie. Ikakasal na siya pero nandito ako nagsshare ng problema. Problemang alam ko naman ang solusyon pero hindi ko lang kayang gawin.

“Siya pa rin?”

I heaved a deep sigh. Hobby ko na yata ‘to.

“You know that kind of feeling? Kaya kong magmahal ng iba but at the end of the day, I’ll always find myself going back to her. I’ll just end up being unfair sa taong magmamahal sakin kasi hindi ko kayang magmahal nang buo. Siya na kasi talaga eh. Pero hindi ako ang para sakanya.”

Dapat sanay na ako dito eh. Bakit ganon pa rin yung sakit?

“Bakit kasi di mo na lang sabihin?”

“I can’t ruin her relationship.” I bitterly smiled. 

That thought crossed my mind. I want to be selfish. I don’t care if I’ll ruin a relationship. But I didn’t push it through. Hindi ko kasi kayang makita siyang masaktan. Ang clichè pakinggan pero sapat na sakin na mahalin siya nang malayo kahit nasasaktan ako. 

“Sasabihin mo lang naman nararamdaman mo. You won’t ruin anything. Be selfish kahit ngayon lang. Palayain mo ang sarili mo, Seul.”

“May magbabago kapag sinabi ko, Wannie. You know how considerate she is. Ayokong kaawaan niya ako or kung ano man. Kung hindi man ang relasyon nila baka friendship namin ang masira ko. And I can’t risk it. Eto na nga lang ang meron kami, itataya ko pa ba?”

28 years. Itataya ko ba yon? Para lang makalaya? Kaya ko bang maging makasarili at i-risk ang 28 years na samahan namin? Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko ata kakayanin kung magkakaroon ng ending ang friendship namin.

“Kaya ka pumayag sa plano ni Jackson?” 

“Kasi alam kong doon siya sasaya. She’ll be the happiest. Kahit doon man lang maging part ako ng kasiyahan niya. I always want what’s best for her and what makes her happy. At tanggap ko kung hindi ako yun.”

Naalala ko ung kanta ng The Juans, Hatid. Ang message nung kanta ay “kung saan siya masaya, ihatid mo na lang.” And her happiness? Being with Jackson.

“Kahit proposal ni Jackson?”

“Mahal niya yung tao, Wan. He will make her the happiest girl.”

“Paano ka?”

“I’ll be the happiest bestfriend.”

“Pakawalan mo na siya, Seul. Palayain mo na ang sarili mo sa pagmamahal sakanya.”

“Hindi ko kaya. Siya na ang mundo ko, Wan.”

“Seul, ang tao kasi hindi dapat ginagawang mundo.”

—

Minsan dadating ka talaga sa point kung saan you will question your decisions in life. Yung akala mong ikasasaya mo, hindi pala pangmatagalan. Yung tipong bumili ka ng bagong damit, masaya ka naman. Pero paglipas ng ilang araw, may iba ka nang hinahanap na magpapasaya ulit sayo. Kasi dapat parang pagpapagawa ng bahay, ung fulfillment at saya na pangmatagalan ung pipiliin mo.

“What the is happening to me?!”

“Maybe you can talk to me, Irene.”

I almost jumped out from my seat when someone suddenly spoke. Si Jennie pala. Maybe I’m too caught up with my thoughts that I didn’t notice her entrance. 

“Jen.”

We’re now in Canada. We checked in the Fairmont Empress Hotel kung saan gaganapin ang reception ng kasal ni Wendy at Joy. Kasama ko dito sa room si Yeri, Rosé, at Jennie. Sa kabilang room naman si Lisa, Jeongyeon, Jisoo, at Seulgi.

“Nag-away kayo ni Jack?”

“No. Not Jackson.”

“Eh ano?”

“Si Seul.”

I didn’t know when I started to be bothered about Seulgi. I mean not to this extent that it consumes me.

“Inaway ka?”

“Hindi rin.”

“Eh ano nga? Go straight to the point, Rene.”

“Naguguluhan ako, Jen.”

Tumingin ako kay Jennie na naghihintay na ituloy ko ang sasabihin ko. Damn.

“Seulgi is my bestfriend. I’ve known her since diaper days. We’re always together lalo na when we started in college. We’re neighbors pero mas madalas pa yata siyang nasa unit ko kaysa sa sarili niyang unit. Naging busy lang siya sa course niya kasi graduating siya tapos I started dating Jackson. After naman natin makagraduate, naging kami officially ni Jack tapos she became the busiest person sa barkada. She barely have time to meet us up. Pag kasama naman natin laging busy sa phone. Wala na siyang time sa akin... sa atin. Wala naman siyang girlfriend kasi puro flings naman ginagawa niya. Hindi ko nga alam if natatandaan niya pa ang birthday ko. Nagbago na siya. O baka nagbago na siya sakin?”

“Why are you bringing this up now? Eh matagal naman na siyang ganyan? College pa diba? Just like what you’ve said. And you have Jackson na. We all know na naiisip na niya ang magpropose sayo.”

“That’s the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jackson proposing to me.”

“Paano naging problema yon? You’ve been in a relationship with him for almost 6 years, Rene. Kayong tatlo nalang nila Yeri at Seulgi ang di nagssettle down. Jeongyeon is already engaged. Wala namang problema sa relationship niyo ni Jack.  Actually, we’re expecting na kayo na ang susunod. Si Seulgi lang naman ang walang balak na magsettle down.”

“Kasi mahal niya ako, Jennie.”

Napansin kong napatigil saglit si Jennie. So she knew?

“Anong mahal? Malamang, Irene! Magbestfriend kayo eh.” Mabilis niyang tugon.

Alam niya nga. Tangina. 

“Jennie, alam ko.” Biglang sabi ko.

“What?”

“Seulgi loves me. Alam ko, Jen. Alam niyo ding lahat diba? But you didn’t tell me.”

It’s been a year since malaman kong mahal ako ni Seulgi. Knowing her feelings for me, it felt like I’ve missed half of my life. It’s been a year but I’m still not opening that topic with her. The first question that came to my mind was 'Paano kung hindi na niya ako mahal?'

“Para saan, Irene? She also didn’t want to tell you. Sinabi niya lang sa amin because she wants to let her feelings out.”

“Bakit hindi sakin?”

“Bakit ba, Irene? Kailangan pa ba? May magbabago ba?”

“Oo! I would’ve accepted her.”

“You’ll accept her love for you? Kasi bestfriend mo siya? Mamahalin mo siya dahil mahal ka niya? Ganun ba, Irene?”

I started crying. I didn’t know pero nasasaktan ako. Sobra. Bakit ngayon lang?

“I shouldn’t have ignored it. Jennie, ang tanga ko.” 

Niyakap ako ni Jennie habang patuloy akong umiiyak. I know na naguguluhan siya sa inaakto ko. Ako rin naman. All these years, I’ve been stupid. I’ve been looking for the ideal person everywhere when I should’ve just looked beside me. To see her.

“Remember Sunmi? Naging client namin siya before. We kinda hangout then she said something.” I heaved a deep sigh as I tried to remember what she said.

“How’s Seulgi?

“Ayun busy pa rin. Hindi na nga sumasama sa barkada madalas eh. Naging workaholic masyado.”

“Kahit sayo?”

“Oo, imagine parang wala na akong bestfriend. Nagpaparamdam lang through gifts and foods.”

“Gifts and foods?

“Yes. Magbibigay ng regalo pag may okasyon. Madalas naman, biglang may food na office ko. Sana yun nalang binestfriend ko diba?”

“That’s the reason why...”

“Ha?”

“The reason why I broke up with her kahit sobrang inlove ako sa bestfriend mo.”

“Why? Hindi ka ba binibigyan ng gifts or food man lang? Siraulo yun ah. Babatukan ko for you.”

“No, silly. Ikaw.”

“Ako?”

“You’re the reason why I broke up with her. The way she takes care of you is different.”

“Syempre bestfriend ko yon. Dapat sinabi mo sakin. You guys look good together.”

“We may look good together but you guys are perfect for each other.”

“Hala! Baliw ata ‘to. Di kami talo.”

“Believe me, Irene. Ikaw ang pinaka-special na babae sa buhay ni Seulgi. I know na di lang ako ang nakaramdam nito. She would always brag about you. She’s always looking for you. She yearns for you, Irene. Baka nga mahal ka na niya eh. More than a bestfriend.”

“Parang imposible naman yan, Sunmi.”

“It’s the look in her eyes, Irene. The way she looks at you? Parang wala na siyang ibang nakikita kung hindi ikaw. That’s why I broke up with her. Nafeel ko namang mahal niya ako pero mas mahal ka niya. I don’t know how did it happen na hindi pa rin kayo hanggang ngayon. Pero sure akong mahal ka ng bestfriend mo.”

“I have a boyfriend, Sunmi.”

“Mahal mo?”

“Sobra.”

“Eh si Seul?”

“Ano si Seulgi?”

“Mahal mo siya?”

“That’s different.”

“If you say so.”

“Hindi kita maintindihan, Irene. Clearly, mahal mo si Jackson. Ano ba ‘to? Nappressure ka kasi mukhang magppropose na siya sayo? Hindi ka pa ready to settle down? You can tell him naman.”

“I’m not ready with him.”

And this what really bugs me.

“What?!”

“Kapag napag-uusapan namin yan ni Jackson, I’ll always find myself thinking about Seulgi. Like paano siya pag kinasal ako? Iniisip ko na makakahanap siya ng taong papakasalan niya. Pero paano ako? Over the past year, I’ve realized that I can’t lose Seulgi.”

It will always be Seulgi.

“Hindi naman mawawala si Seulgi sayo.”

“I can’t live without her, Jennie.”

“Baka naguguluhan ka lang. Naiisip mo lang yan kasi nga nappressure ka. You’re overthinking.”

“Bakit ba parang ayaw mo?”

“I just don’t want you to act on impulse na ikakasira ng relasyon mo kay Jackson pati na ang friendship mo with Seulgi. Kasi as I’ve said you’ve been with Jackson for almost 6 years. Bakit ngayon lang?”

“I’ve asked the same question to myself, Jen. I’ve been so stupid to ignore everything that I felt for Seulgi. It started in high school pa. Pero I told myself na baka it’s because we’re bestfriends. Nasanay akong nandyan siya palagi. Magbestfriend ang parents namin. I’m straight. So I tried dating. Mahal ko naman si Jackson, Jen. But Seulgi’s different. I actually imagine myself being with her until we grow old. Not with Jackson.”

“So, anong plano mo?”

“Am I too late to choose her?”

“Irene...”

“You know what, I remember the day that I introduce Jackson to my parents they told me na akala nila si Seulgi ang ipapakilala ko sakanila. Ineexpect na daw kasi nila, hinihintay lang nila na umamin kaming dalawa. I had a glimpse of what if. What if we got together? But again, I ignored it.”

“How about Jackson?”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow. He’ll be here.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Honestly, before you approached me, I am uncertain. But the moment that I’ve shared my thoughts and feelings, I can definitely say that I am ready. Pero Jen, hindi pa naman ako huli diba?”

“Rene, kilala mo si Seulgi. She never lets anyone win against her. But you always did. Until now. I guess that answers your question. Tama ka kanina. Seulgi doesn’t want to settle down dahil mahal ka niya. She’s always telling us na imposible yon dahil ikaw na ang huling babaeng mamahalin niya.”

“Seulgi should’ve been my first in everything. If I didn’t ignore what I felt back then. It wouldn’t be this complicated..... if only I chose her. We should’ve been together for years now.”

“Pero Irene...”

“What?”

“I don’t know if Seulgi’s gonna follow what she feels for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nasanay na kasi siyang nakatago lang ang feelings niya sayo. I’m sure that this will not be an easy situation for the both of you.”

“I know, Jen. But I’ll try. As long as there’s still a tiny chance, I’ll push my luck. Seulgi’s too precious not to fight for.”

“Just know that I’m always here, alright?”

—

“I’m sorry. Hindi ako ready… for you.” I said. 

When I thought that this would be easy, I was wrong. How cruel was I to break up with him on the day he’s supposed to propose? I have no idea that he’ll do it tonight. I know I should’ve chosen a different day to tell him. But I can’t lie to him anymore. The sooner the better, right?

“Irene…”

“And I won’t ever be.”

“Ang sakit pa rin pala ‘no? Alam ko na eh. Hinanda ko na rin ang sarili ko dito. Pero iba pa rin pala kapag nangyari when I’m supposed to propose to you.” He said while trying to supress his tears. 

I hurt this man who always give his best in making me the happiest. He did made me happy. But not the happiest. 

“Jackson…”

“I thought that it would change your mind. Baka mas mahalin mo ako kaysa sakanya. Then, I would be enough for you.”

“Sa kanya?”

“Seulgi. It was her all along, right?”

Am I that occupied with the idea of Seulgi being my bestfriend?

“How—“

“In the span of 6 years, hindi nawawala si Seulgi sa mga usapan natin. I thought it was because she’s your bestfriend. But I notice how you look at her. It was far different from the way you look at me. Binalewala ko yun kasi naisip ko mahal mo ako at pinanghawakan ko yun. Kahit na nararamdaman kong may mas higit kang mahal kaysa sakin.”

“You made me happy, Jackson. I’ll always be grateful being with you. But I realized that I cannot be completely happy with you.”

“I’m sorry if I can’t make you the happiest. And I’m sorry that I am not your happy ending. Be happy— with her. You deserve nothing but the best. Goodbye, my love.”

Then, he hugged me and kissed my forehead just like he usually does when he’s leaving. But this time, he meant it when he said goodbye.

—

Sa dinami-rami ng tao sa mundo, may tao tayong makikilala at makakasama habang buhay. That person who compliments every single thing about you. That person who will complete the missing pieces of your life. Because that person is more than just one thing; that person is worth a million little things. Someone whom you can share all your tomorrows with.

Seeing Wendy and Joy professing their vows of forever to each other made me think if I’ll have the chance to have that kind of moment.

“Seulgi.”

“Ano yon, Irene?” Pansin ni Jisoo.


“Ha?”

“You said Seulgi eh.”

“Oh sorry! Maybe I’m thinking out loud.”

Damn you, Seul! Pwede ba mamaya ka na? Kasal nila Wendy at Joy pero ikaw pa rin nasa isip ko. 

Tumingin sakin si Jennie. “You really got it bad, Rene. What’s your plan?”

“Tonight. After the reception, I’ll talk to her na.”

“Finally!” Chaeng suddenly shouted that made the other guests look at our side. 

“What?”

“You’ve finally figured it out! OTP namin kayo ni Yerim eh.”

“I always plan to get you guys together. Like maging kayo ah. Kaso kj yung bestfriend mo.” Naiinis na sabi ni Yeri.

“That’s the reason why Yeri was never fond of Kuya Jackson, Ate.” Saeron butted in. She’s Yeri’s girlfriend. Humabol pa yan dito para lang masaksihan ang kasal ng favorite couple niya. Palibhasa magkakasama silang tatlo sa trabaho.

“Yeri did almost everything for the both of you. Lowkey nga lang. Kaya din siguro hindi gumana kasi parehas kayong manhid.” Sabi pa ni Jisoo.

“Tsaka tanga.” Dagdag pa ni Yeri na may kasamang pag-irap. 

Yeah, I know that Yeri was not really in favor of Jackson. Naalala ko noong last day ng foundation day namin nung 3rd year college. Yeri was handling the marriage booth. Jackson was courting me at that time. Si Yeri na ata ang pinaka-maldita na nagbabantay ng booth. 

“Hello everyone!” I was brought back to reality by that sudden greeting. 

Seulgi. What is she doing on stage?

“This is actually one of my gifts to our newly weds. I almost broke this promise to you, Wan.”

Promise? What promise?

“You see, I’ve made this promise to Wan many years ago. As her bestfriend, I want to sing on her wedding day. Something that I can’t do in front of a huge crowd. But for the people I love, I’d do it.” And then, she looked at me before she smiled at Wendy and Joy. It was just a brief glance but it made me feel things.

The intro was very familiar. Witnessing Joy and Wendy’s love story, masasabi kong bagay ang kantang ‘to sakanila.

Sa atin din sana. Kung hindi lang ako naligaw. 

Sabi nila, balang araw, darating

Ang iyong tanging hinihiling 

I don’t know what happened but I got suddenly dragged by a random student to…

“Wait! Can you just tell me where are we going? Sa Jail booth ba?”

“No, Pres. Sa Marriage booth.”

Ang bata-bata ko pa ikakasal agad? Charot! Bakit ba kasi nauso ang marriage booth?! Ayoko pa ikasal! Again, I’m still young!

“Don’t overreact, Irene. It’s just a marriage booth for fun. For goodness’ sake!” That’s Jennie right there. This girl is always bursting my happy bubble! Hmp!

Malapit na kami sa marriage booth when I saw Yeri. Siya nga pala ang naka-toka sa booth na ‘yon. She’s talking to a guy and she handed him something. I think that’s cash? Nakita kong tumakbo ung guy papunta sa jail booth. This kid, aish! Sino na naman kayang napagtripan nento?

“Kim Yerim!”

Bahagya pa siyang nagulat nang tawagin ko siya. Nagkape na naman siguro ‘tong batang ‘to.

“Irene! Ano? Ready ka na ba ikasal?” Excited na sabi niya. Tuwang-tuwa naman ‘to masyado. Baka siya magkakasal sakin or samin kung sino mang poncio pilato ung naglagay ng pangalan ko para ikasal.

“Sino ba kasi ‘to?! May inaayos akong papers sa SC office eh!”

“Irene.”

Napairap naman si Yeri sa kung sino mang tumawag sakin. 

Pagharap ko ay napansin ko agad si Seulgi and I saw her smiled at me but it didn’t reached her eyes. Anong—

“Pasensya ka na about this but I want this foundation day to be memorable. I want you to be part of it.”

Nakita kong tumabi kay Jennie si Seulgi. Then, I look at this person who’s standing infront of me. Si Jackson.

So siya pala yung “groom” ko?

“I even invited Seulgi to be here to witness this. I know how special she is to you. I know this is meant to be for fun but for me this is to prove my sincerity.”

That’s explains why Seulgi is standing behind him earlier.

Kaya din siguro napairap si Yeri. She really don’t like this guy. Ewan ko ba dun! Pero bakit parang excited pa siya kanina? Hindi niya ba nakita kung sino yung kasama ko dito? Wala ba silang listahan? Weird.

“I don’t like this kind of thing, Jackson. But I will let you off the hook just for this once, okay? No more marriage booth or anything.”

Nakita ko ang paglawak ng ngiti niya. This guy really deserves a chance. 

He proceed to the “altar” wherein he will wait for me. Then, there’s Yeri who will serve as our priest.

Kita mo ‘tong babaeng to! May pairap pa eh siya naman pala magkakasal samin.

Just as soon as I arrived infront of Jackson, three students suddenly appeared. One of them holds a handcuffs— a real one, if I may add. I didn’t know they’re using real handcuffs for the jail booth.

“Jackson Trinidad, you’re under arrest.” Sabi nung may hawak ng posas. 

Pang-teleserye ang acting nila, infairness ha.

“Why?! Anong ginawa ko?”

Isa pa ‘tong si Jackson eh. Jail booth lang naman yan. 

“Sa pagnanakaw.”

“Ha?!” Gulat niyang sabi tapos ay pinosasan na siya nung lalaki. 

“Pre, baka puso. Puso ata ninakaw mo eh.” Sabi nung isang student na nanghuhuli. 

“Tsaka Jackson, time na rin naman talaga manghuli ng groom. Pasensya na nasaktuhan ka.” Dagdag nung isa.

Isasama na sana nila si Jackson nang nagpumiglas ‘to. 

“Teka lang, can we finish this muna? Ikakasal palang kami oh!”

Ayy, oo nga pala. Kaya nga pala ako nandito sa marriage booth. Pabor sakin na hindi matuloy kasi kahit for fun lang ‘to, gusto ko sana mahal ko talaga yung kasama ko. Jackson is a nice guy and I’m starting to like him but I don’t see him as someone I can love… yet.

That’s why I said…

“Sige na, Jackson. Okay lang naman.” 

“Pero kasi eto na last chance ko sa marriage booth.”

He seems very serious about this. Jackson, you really proved something today.

“You proved to me how sincere you are, Jackson. I think that’s enough already.”

“Pero, Irene—“

“May naisip ako!” Biglang sabi ni Yeri na malaki na ang ngiti sa labi. Kalokohan ‘to, for sure. 

“Ano na naman yan, Kim Yerim?” Mukhang na-sense na rin ni Jennie ang kalokohan ng batang ‘to. 

“Pwede naman natin ituloy ung kasal eh.”

“Paano?” Full of hope si kuya niyo Jackson. Pinipigilan ko lang talaga matawa kasi ganito pala talaga siya kaseryoso sa marriage booth eh for fun nga lang ‘to. Jusmiyo!

“Seulgi!” May pagpalakpak pang sabi ni Yeri. 

“Ako?! Ano meron?” Takang sabi ni Seulgi. 

“Pwede naman mag-proxy si Seulgi sayo!”

“What?!” Halos lahat ng mga nandito sa marriage booth ay nagulat sa sinabi ni Yeri. Kahit ako eh!

Kailan pa nagkaroon ng proxy ang groom sa kasal?

“Wag na kayo umangal. Sa marriage booth namin uso ang may proxy kahit groom or bride.” Depensa ni Yeri tapos ay tumingin siya kay Jackson. “Sumama ka na dyan sa mga nanghuhuli sayo, Jackson. Rules are rules. Si Seulgi na ang proxy mo.”

Tumingin sakin si Jackson na tinanguan ko naman.

Lumapit siya kay Seulgi. “Ikaw na bahala, Seul. Dapat memorable ah!”

Napansin kong may binulong si Yeri pero di ko naman narinig nang maayos.

Pagkaalis ni Jackson ay pinaalis rin ni Yeri ang mga kaibigan nito.

“Ba’t mo pinaalis?” Tanong ni Jisoo na kasama si Lisa. Mukhang kakarating lang nila. 

“Hindi naman sila close ni Irene.” Pagmamaldita ni Yeri. “Oh tara na!”

“Teka, Yeri! Hindi pa nga ako pumapayag?”

Isa pa ‘tong si Seulgi kung makapag-react eh. Akala mo naman totoo ‘to. 

“Wala kang say dito, Ibarra.” Sabay hubad ng pang-pari niyang costume. “Tara sa chapel.”

Tumingin sa amin si Yeri nang makita ang pagtataka sa mga mukha namin. 

“Oh bakit?! Plano na talaga namin ‘to sa huling ikakasal sa booth namin. Amazing diba?” Aangal na sana ako nang magsalita siya ulit. “Kayo na pala kasi yung huling ikakasal namin. Nakalimutan ko lang kanina. Kaya tara na!”

Papunta na kami ng chapel nang mapadaan kami sa SC office.

“Irene!” Tawag ni Rosé na nasa may pintuan ng SC office.

Pagkalapit niya sa amin ay napatingin siya kay Yeri tapos ay ngumiti siya sa akin. “Oh, ikakasal ka na pala?” 

“Oo, tapos papunta kami sa chapel kasi dun daw gaganapin ang last wedding ng booth nila. Pero si Seulgi—“

Bago ko pa man matapos ang sasabihin ko ay nahila na ako ni Rosé papuntang SC office. Teka, ano na naman ‘to?!

“Pati ako kinausap niyang si Yeri para sa last wedding paandar nila. Buti ikaw ang huling ikakasal, hindi ako masasayangan sa effort ko.”

Nagtaka naman ako sa effort na sinasabi niya.

But a few moments after, I realized what she said. She did my makeup and I’m now wearing a plain but elegant white dress with a flower crown. I really looked like a bride. It is not too grand but just enough outfit to be worn at school grounds. 

Rosé lead me to the chapel. Everything suddenly feels so real. I remember what Rosé said earlier. 

“Isipin mo na lang na nasa play ka. Pero walang script. Be yourself lang then try to imagine na ikaw at si Seulgi ang bida.”

I can’t really understand what’s happening pero I decided to just go with the flow. Si Seulgi naman ‘to eh. We already did this nung mga bata pa kami. Ang kaibahan lang, nasa kwarto niya kami before. Naglalaro kasi kami ng bahay-bahayan noon. Si Wendy kunwari ang anak namin. 

Pagdating namin sa harap ng chapel, nakita namin ni Moonbyul at Solar na naghihintay sa amin.

Solar made me wear the veil and Moonbyul gave me a bouquet of white roses. 

Just when the door opens, they left me alone here. But Rosé whispered, “She’s waiting for you.” before she left.

I started walking to the altar while looking at Seulgi who’s waiting for me. 

Go with the flow, Irene. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or Seulgi is kinda tearing up? Impossible. 

“I’m sorry about this.” Seulgi said to me once I’ve reached to where she was standing. 

“Let’s do this, Seul.” I gave her a gentle smile and held my hand infront of her. 

She nodded and took my hand. 

We walked to the altar and saw Kyungsoo wearing a priest costume. I thought it would be Yeri? I looked at my back to search for Yeri and when I saw her, she just winked at me. That kid, really!

If you don’t know, Kyungsoo is one of the members of the Student Council. This guy is taking up Theology and he’s a sacristan. Now, this really feels surreal but so real. 

He really did the whole ceremony as if this is a real thing. From the sermon to the usual wedding ceremony. When I mean usual wedding, I’m talking about the candle, the cord and the vows. 

“Seulgi, do you take Irene as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

Seulgi looked at me as if she’s asking my permission to answer the question. 

I gave her a smile as a sign of my agreement. 

“I do, Father.”

“Irene, do you take Seulgi as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

I looked at Seulgi’s eyes and gently squeezed my hands which are holding hers before I answered. 

“I do, Father.”

“You may now say your vows.”

“I.. uhm, how should I do this?”

“Just say whatever you want, idiot!” Yeri shouted that. I wanna know if she’s aware that she’s inside a chapel. That kid…

“I’ll always make sure that you’ll be happy. All the time. I’ll make sure of that. You’ll always have my back. To forever.”

Very Seulgi. It is indeed a short vow but it is enough for me to understand and know that she’ll never break it.

“Seul, you’re always there for me. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without you. I’ll always be the pain in your but I promise that I’ll always be your safe space.”

I looked straight into your eyes. I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now but it mirrors yours. What is this feeling that we both have? Why am I too ecstatic that it was you who I’m with and not Jackson? I’m kinda scared. 

“With the power vested in me, I pronounce you both as wives.”

We both smiled to each other. Smiles that we both only give to each other. A secret language of Irene and Seulgi — as what they always say. 

“Seulgi, you may kiss your bride.”

“Ano binulong mo nun, Yerms? Kala mo di ko napansin yun ah!” Tanong ni Jennie. 

“Sabi ko nun, buti nalang madali siya mauto.”

“Planado talaga ni Yeri lahat yon. Kasabwat kaming lahat.” Pag-amin ni Rosé.

Bigla namang sumimangot si Yeri. “Except kay Jennie. Alam niya ung plano pero ewan ko ba dyan, kontrabida.”

“Ang halata niyo kasi! I was kinda worried na baka mahalata si Seulgi. We promised her.” Depensa ni Jennie.

“Naalala ko din ung sinabi kong rason para hulihin si Jackson.” Natatawang sabi ni Yeri. “Pagnanakaw kay Irene.” Pagtutuloy niya. 

Napailing nalang ako sa kalokohan nila. I can’t help but smile when I realized something.

“Now that I think of it, Seulgi was my first kiss.” 

At sa wakas ay nahanap ko na rin

Ang aking tanging hinihiling

Pangako sa ‘yo na ika’y uunahin

At hindi naitatanggi

I’m always at the top of your priority. You always puts me first before yourself — since day one.

My parents didn’t allow me to go camping. Buti pa si Seulgi, pinayagan nila Tita Yuri at Tita Sica. Edi sana kasama ko si Seulgi ngayon mag-camping.

“Irene!” Narinig kong may tumawag sakin mula sa labas.

I took a glance at my window and saw Seulgi waving at me with her backpack. Hindi pa pala niya alam na hindi ako makakasama.

“Ddeulgi, di ako makakasama.” Bungad ko sakanya pagbukas ko ng gate.

“Hala, bakit? Pinayagan ka na ni Tita Pogi ah.”

“Pero hindi pumayag si Mommy kasi kakagaling ko lang sa sakit diba?”

“Ay under pala si Tita Pogi. Parang si Dada.”

“Enjoy ka sa camping ha!”

“Ahh alam ko na!”

Bigla siyang tumakbo papasok sa loob ng bahay namin habang tinatawag si Mommy.

“Tita Gandaaaaaaa!!!”

“Oh Seulgi, bakit andito ka pa? Diba may camping ngayon?”

Nakita kong may binulong si Seulgi kay Mommy at umoo si Mommy. Tapos lumapit siya sakin.

“Sunduin kita mamaya ah.” Sabay takbo palabas.

“Mommy, ano po sabi ni Ddeul?”

“Swerte mo diyan sa kaibigan mong yan. Cute pa.”

Pinag-ready ako ni Mommy ng clothes for overnight. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero baka mag-overnight kami kina Tita Sooyoung. 

Habang pinapanood ko si Mamu magbake nang biglang sumulpot si Seulgi. Wait, Seulgi?!

“Tara sa bahay!” 

“Bakit?”

“Basta!”

“Teka, bakit andito ka pa? May camping ah!”

That’s when I noticed that she already changed her clothes.

“Hindi ka sasama sa camping.” Pansin ko sakanya. 

“Oo kasi hindi ka makakasama. Mas maganda tong gagawin natin!”

The moment we entered her room, I immediately saw what she did.

A pillow fort. It wasn’t a perfect one but for me it was the best pillow fort I’ve ever seen.

She used the blanket and pillows that I often use when I’m sleeping over. This pillow fort screams Irene.

“Dahil di ka makakasama sa camping, gumawa na lang ako ng sarili nating camping. Pero okay lang ba na ako lang ang ka-camping mo?”

“Oo naman!”

“Nagpaluto pa ako kay Dada Yuri ng mga camping foods. Para feel na feel natin ang pag-camping.”

Habang tinuturo niya ang mga pagkain sa harap namin, lumapit ako sakanya at niyakap siya.

“Thank you, Ddeulgi.”

“Anything, Princess.”

Mula noon hanggang ngayon

Mula ngayon hanggang dulo

Ikaw at ako.

Mula noon hanggang ngayon ikaw ang laging nandiyan. Ikaw lang yung taong sigurado ako na laging makakasama ko hanggang wakas. Pero sana ikaw rin sigurado pa. I was a little too late—no, I was too late. 

But one glance from you when you ended the song; it gave me a tiny hope that our story isn’t over yet. It was the same look you gave to me when I finally learned how to ride a bike after teaching me for a few days. The same look you gave to me whenever we’re watching the beautiful night sky as you always prefer to watch me instead. That look you gave to me whenever I’m at my worst and at my best. And that same look I ignored because I was afraid of risking our friendship for something I wasn’t sure of. 

I still have a big space in your heart. But would you accept my love? Would you still accept me even after all the pain that I gave you?

“Rene?”

I looked at Rosé and got confused when I noticed that she’s offering me a tissue.

“You’re crying. Daig mo pa mga magulang nina Wendy.”

—

This is by far the most awkward silence between us. We arrived here at the hotel’s rooftop almost an hour ago and still, no words were spoken. We only looked at each other to acknowledge our presence.

“The stars are still fascinating just like before, right?”

“It is.” She replied as she quickly glance at my side. 

“Remember when we would always climb a rooftop?”

She smiled. “To see the stars and witness how you admire them.”

“I would always pray to have someone na hindi ako iiwan. Yung taong handang yakapin ako sakaling talikuran ako ng mundo. The love that I first witnessed with my parents. I want what they have. Perfectly imperfect.”

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you find the person? Did you find that person in Jackson?"

“I thought so. But I’ve been looking the wrong way. Kaya pala…”

“Kaya pala ano?”

“Kaya pala laging may kulang. I never knew that my wishes came true before I could even ask for it. I keep on waiting for that someone to come but I failed to notice the person beside me all my life.”

Silence took over between us, again. 

“Paano mo nagawa yon?” Pagsisimula ko.

“Ang alin?”

“How did you manage to love me when I couldn’t see you?”

“Because I love you. Walang kondisyon. Mahal kita. Ganun kasimple.”

Akala ko when I hear from her that she loves me, I’d feel ecstatic. But right now? I felt like I failed her. She loves me but I only gave her pain.

Ang sakit marinig na mahal niya ako pero nakikita ko rin ang paghihirap niya sa bawat salitang binibigkas niya. Loving someone shouldn’t be this painful. Just… what did I do?

“Seul, I’m—“

“Paano mo nalaman?”

“Google Drive.”

She looks so confused. She really had no idea that I knew about her feelings for me.

“How did you—“

“Last year, I went to your place kasi you told me na bibilhan mo ako ng anything from shopee. I think you’re editing photos that time pero binigay mo sakin ang laptop na ginagamit mo so I can browse sa shopee. After ko makapagcheck-out, I closed the window and I saw what photo you’re editing. It was my picture from our family gathering. I got curious kaya I searched where you saved the picture thinking that I can ask for a copy. Then, that’s where I saw a folder name ‘toujours belle’. I thought that you’re hiding your girl from me but it wasn’t any other girl. It was me.”

“Irene…”

“There’s also a separate folders for the things I gave to you and the places we’ve been through. The way you captured my photos is like telling me how much you love me. I tried to think that it was because I’m your bestfriend. I’m the most special girl in your life aside from your family. So I ignored the fact that you fell in love with me. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.”

“Forget about all of it, Irene.”

“I can’t.”

“Just forget about it. Think about Jackson.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What do you mean you don’t want to?”

“I can’t focus on him because of you. I broke up with him yesterday. So we can both be free. He’ll be free from all the pain I’ve caused him. I’ll be free from the guilt being with Jackson when all along I’m inlove with someone else.”

“You cheated on him? Irene?!”

“I cheated on you.“

“I don’t understand.”

“All this time I’ve been cheating with my feelings for you. My feelings that I thought would fade away if I date someone. But the more I try to ignore it, the more it grows.”

I saw a faint smile from your face as you watch the stars above us. 

No, please. Ilalaban ko ‘to, Seul. Hindi pwede. 

“I can’t either.”

“Seul.”

“I don’t know how should I react. I don’t even know how should I feel. Irene, this—“

“I’ll wait.”

“You know what this feels like? Finally going to your dream destination. It is too overwhelming. Too good to be true.”

I saw you heaved a deep sigh. 

“I can’t understand what you said. I can’t take it right now. Irene?”

“Seul, I won’t give up.”

“Can I take a rest?” She sounded so tired. It seems like yung mga taon na she's secretly loving me from afar took a toll on her.

“What do you mean?”

“Can I take a rest from being your bestfriend? Pwede bang magpahinga muna ako sa pagiging parte ng buhay mo?”

Jennie warned me. Pero hindi ko naman akalain na ganito pala. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to say no. Kaso bestfriend mo rin ako and I can’t say no kung ito ang unang beses na may hiniling ka sakin. 

Ang sakit pala. Baka nga huli na talaga ako.

Hindi ko siya sinagot but I know that she got the message. It’s my turn to support her. Even if it’s means losing her. 

“I thought of confessing my feelings to you, Rene.”

“You did?”

“Yes but the next thing I know, you already said yes to Jackson. Your parents knew about it.”

“You told them but you didn’t told me?”

“Sigurado ako, Irene. I know that it would be best if I laid out my intentions to your parents first. After all, they’re like my second parents. I want them to know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I want to have their blessings before I tell you everything. But you were already someone else’s girl. And I was there….”

“Where?”

“In your house. That night when you introduced him to your family. I saw how happy you were. I’ve decided not to tell you anymore.”

Maybe this is the reason why my parents were so shocked that I introduced Jackson as my partner instead of her.

“Seulgi, you should’ve told me. Edi sana—“

“Edi sana ako ang pinili mo? Kasi ako bestfriend mo?”

“Hindi sa ganon, Seul.”

“The next day when you were out with Jackson, Tita Fany told me to come. They asked me what happened. They were certain that we’ll end up together eh. They wanted me to still confess to you. Tita Taeyeon’s words were ‘Tell her, it’s still not too late’. Pero nakapag-decide na ako eh. I’ll support you no matter what— as long as it makes you happy. Okay na ako do’n.”

I don’t know what else I could say to her. I just stared at her face and thought about all the what ifs running through my head. Before I even hold her hand she spoke again. 

“Did you know that I’m closely checking on Jackson? Thinking maybe I could find a reason to tell you not to continue dating him. But I didn’t find any. That man was so kind and respectful. He made you happy. Wala akong magawa kundi ang suportahan ka. You both deserve each other.”

“Seul—“

“Now that you’re reciprocating my feelings after how many years, forgive me if I cannot accept it. Not this time, Irene.”

“I told you I can wait.”

“And I told you to let me rest. Please.” She pleaded.

She went closer to me as she caressed my face and wipe my tears that I wasn’t able to hold back anymore. “Stop crying, Irene. We can’t do this now.”

She sat on the floor and tapped the space beside her urging me to seat beside her.

“Let’s stay here for a while. Please?”

So I did. 

Then, the next thing she did caught me off guard. 

She gestured my head to lean on her shoulders. 

Now, this feels like home.

“What’s easy is right”, my mother’s advice

You are the reason I never think twice

Wherever we go, what glitters is gold

You’ll be my best friend until we grow old

Seulgi and her random harana. I miss this. I miss her. I miss us. She used to do this back when we were college. This was our usual scenario whenever I’m staying late as an Applied Statistics student. She’ll barge into my unit and make me take breaks from studying. Seul was the sole reason I was able to finish my degree. With her, I always find my serenity. 

I had a nightmare

But now that I’m not scared

Now that I’m aware of everything that’s happening, I can easily tell how much this hurts her. How much I hurt her. 

This is how you fall in love

Let go and I’ll hold you up

So pull me tight and close your eyes

Oh, my love, side to side

I hugged her sideways as I heard her heaved a deep sigh. Alam ko na ang kasunod nito.

“Irene?”

I hummed in response. 

“Soon, okay?”

She didn’t made a promise but she assured me.

And that was the last time I got to see her. 

—

That night our friendship ended.

It ended the phase wherein we were like walking on eggshells.

We agreed not to see each other for a while so we can assess everything that had happened. 

“Tita Ddeul!!!!!!!!”

Napatingin naman ako sa banda kung saan narinig ko ang boses ni Jace, anak nila Wendy at Joy.

She’s here. I hope it’s time.

“Ikaw ba ang tinawag teh?” Pang-aasar ni Yeri. 

Kasalanan ko bang sobrang miss ko ung tao? It’s been 2 years since she left. 

May mga pagkakataon na naiisip ko kung babalik pa ba siya. Kung babalik ba siya, sa akin ba siya uuwi?

Sa bawat oras na nawawalan ako ng pag-asa sa aming dalawa, lagi kong inaalala na she always do what she said. Seul and her words are precious. 

Lumapit ang mga kaibigan namin sakanya nang pumasok siya dito sa garden kung saan gaganapin ang party ni Jace. Nanatili akong nakaupo habang pinagmamasdan siyang batiin ang mga kaibigan namin. Her aura looks so light.  Better than the last time I saw her. 

Hindi ako mapakali nang makita ko siyang papalit na sa akin. Hindi nagbago ang epekto niya sa akin bagkus ay nadagdagan pa. 

“Irene.”

“Seulgi.”

“Hi.”

“Hello. How’s your flight?”

“Tiring. Gising ako buong flight.”

“Why? You should rest, Seul.”

She just wiggle her eyebrows. 

I think I know the reason na. 

“Hmm. Excited?”

“Yes.”

Ang harot, bwiset!

“You wanna eat?”

“Luto mo ko carbonara?”

“May food pa dyan, Seul.”

“I want your carbonara eh.”

Then, she gave me her sweetest smile. 

My love. 

Habang nagluluto ng carbonara, I remember na this was the first dish I’ve ever learned. She always asks Mama to cook this. Kaya ko rin ginusto na matutunan ‘to. Gusto ko na ako naman ang magluluto para sakanya. Ako lang. 

Natigil ang pag-iisip ko nang may biglang yumakap sakin.

“I miss you.” She said in her low tone but always soothing voice.

“This is our soon, isn’t it?”

“It is, Irene.”

Ganito pala yung feeling na nagluluto ka lang naman pero yung ngiti mo daig pa ang nanalo sa lotto. 

“Irene?”

“Hmm.”

“I love you.”

“Thank you. But this time, let me love you more than you deserve.”

She sat on the bar stool and then, smiled at me. 

“I thought I’d regret leaving you, but I didn’t.”

I smiled at her. I felt the same way. 

That decision was by far, the best decision we’ve ever made since then.

“We literally didn’t see nor talk to each other. It’s dreadful but it was worth it.“

“We are worth the wait, Seul.”

After I finished cooking her food, we went back to the garden where our friends are waiting for the sunset. This is our thing. But this year is different,  I’ll be watching the sunset with my gentle bear. 

“Seul?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re back for good na? I miss my home.” I sat beside her.

"Your home? What do you mean?" She looks confused.

I smiled at her. The smile that I know she loves. “Home is anywhere with you.”

And then, she hugged me. I’m definitely home. 

Sabay sa paglubog ng araw ay ang pagtatapos ng aming pagkakaibigan.

At sa pagsikat ng araw, siya at siya pa rin ang pipiliin.

Magpapatuloy hanggang sa susunod pang paglubog at pagsikat ng araw.