(Reckless - Madison beer)🎶

&&&

When did you start to think of avoiding me, not caring about me, not calling me, not asking me caring questions and not giving any warm to me anymore

I listened to your radio show everyday because I want to hear your bubbly voice to boost my day

You were doing so fine with your bubbly personality that suits you for being a radio host

All the guest loves you

Which I'm very proud of

I'd even text you just to tease you

And you would reply with emojis showing how embarrased you are

I thought we were doing fine

What went wrong?

We were supposed to celebrate Halloween together with the members but you said you were busy

I said "It's fine,we understand"

The outcome is only yeri,seulgi and I celebrated

It was fun, we enjoyed every second

But I felt empty

Later then I found out from your manager that you celebrated Halloween and even spend the night with your 'friend'

Joy also said she's busy but she didn't lie

When did you start lying?

Who could this be friend of yours, for you to be able to reject spending time with us,me and decided to spend your Halloween with that 'friend'

I felt jealous and insecure,it was frustrating, I know I shouldn't doubt you

Because if you said it's a friend,then it's a friend

But My instincts tells me the other way but I shrugged it all off

We couldn't meet up since your schedule is so tight and you wanted to spend your free time with your parents since they're going back to Canada any sooner

I understood it all

You have been meeting these pretty guests who would later gives a good feedback about how you are an "angel"

I'm not mad at them, They're not lying

I'm just jealous and afraid that I might lose you

so I tried my best

I supported you with all your works

I even supported your decision on leaving our group soon

And I gathered my courage to be brave at least once, just little details will do

So I changed my bubble username from 

Irene to joohyunie

But my cowardness entered so I changed it back to Irene

I got afraid

However my heart thought of you, so once again I gathered all my courage and change it back to joohyunie

So now we have matching nicknames

Yours is wannie wannie seungwannie

Mine is Joohyunie

I felt a fresh feeling inside me and that was satisfying

I don't know if the fans noticed the matching nicknames, But I hope they would

Times has passed

I thought you were just busy as you said

Thinking maybe that's the reason why you can't update me 

I'm not complaining, You do still do update me sometimes but a lot has been missing

The warm and the words you used to say

'I love you'

The kind words

The voice messages you used to send

It's all gone...

Ahhhh! I know

Someone now owns it

Sua, the name of the girl you're currently dating

Both our fans and theirs really loves the wensua tandem

They even wanted for you two,to get married already

I was so stupid to think that you two were just flirting for the Listeners

I didn't thought of it as 'real'

Because I trusted you with all my heart

Doubting should be the last inside my brain

But....

Not until the both of you announced your dating news to the public

You didn't even warned my heart

I crashed down 

I feel like I'm about to lose myself

my heart won't stop aching

My tears won't stop falling

I feel my body giving up

It 's getting worse and worse everyday

I blamed myself 

She's way more better than me

She's pretty

She says whatever she wants to say

She'd even call you "baby" in public which I'm afraid to do

She's brave not like me

I'm a coward

I know,I lack a lot of things but I tried my best Wendy, I tried my best on loving you, making you stay, making you happy and making you love me internally

I called you with scattered bottle of beers beside me on the floor

I asked you...

" I'm confused Wendy,I was always there for you, since day 1...

We've been in mutual understanding for 5 years,5 YEARS Wendy! 

We say I love you's to each other and we both meant it, Right?...

We don't have any label but we promised to get in there when the right time comes...

We even talked about getting married, having adopted kids or just do genetic pregnancy and living in Switzerland was our goal...

I know,I'm coward, our reputation is what our really care about..

I'm stupid and I know, I'm just trying to protect us and protect the other members...

I love you and you know that, I might can't shout that out to the world but I swear,God knows how much I love you,Our member knows and even our parents knows...

It's not easy to open in this very conservative country, Wendy...

So please! tell me Wendy

what did I do wrong?"

I  was sobbing while letting all my thoughts and questions go But...

all you said was

"I'm sorry, I don't think we can work 'us' out, I'm sorry"

One sentence,made my body give up

My hand landed on the floor along with my phone

I stared at my wall blankly

It was just pure silent with pure pain

Tears now flowed on my face

I heard you said "thank you"

I heard you cry before you end the call

I covered my wet face with my sweaty hands 

How can you be so reckless with someone's heart?

&&&

Irene closed her laptop after done reading the diary she wrote 8 years ago and smiled with tears 

"Mommy!" A kid called her with a Man behind

"Daddy said we're going to the park today!"
Irene smiled at her son and stared at her husband

And Suho smiled