It's with a pleasant ache that Jongwoon wakes up, the soft light of dawn cascading through a sliver in the curtains. It's not often that he's happy about waking up at such an odd time, for him that usually meant only a few short hours of sleep after falling into it uneasily at 4 or whatever am it was, but it was different today. Today, waking up first means that he's greeted by a warm figure beside him, an arm draped over his waist, light snores the only sound audible in the silence of his bedroom.

It is by no means the first time that he's woken up beside Hyukjae, it comes with the territory when you're in an idol group and have to share rooms in dorms and hotels, even during filming, like that wonderful time during We Lived Together when he had woken up in a similar position, Hyukjae's hand resting lightly on his waist. All the Jongwoon of that time could do was watch his dongsaeng's sleeping face, could not do anything else but watch, the object of his longing so close yet so depressingly far.

This morning holds no such inhibitions, and Jongwoon traces his lover's sleeping face with his fingertips, over the soft cheeks and plump, kiss-swollen lips, remembers the very same lips on his last night for the first time as years and years of waiting and longing and uncertainties dissolved with the softest of kisses, wonders why they had waited so long to achieve this bliss.

His fingers trace down past his jaw, down the milky white expanse of his neck, over the collarbones blemished with hickeys courtesy of Jongwoon losing the last of his self control as he felt the warmth of Hyukjae’s skin in such a way for the first time, remembers hearing the softest of whimpers as teeth sank into soft flesh.

“I’m sorry,” he had said, breathless and concerned. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, but I’m certain you marked me,” Hyukjae had replied, an endearing grin playing on his lips before he dragged Jongwoon’s face back down to fit their mouths together again, and later Jongwoon had noticed the younger had been right, faint purple marks broke the flow of fair skin on the younger’s body.

Jongwoon’s fingertips reach the edge of the duvet covering the both of them, cold as it is this morning, he’s sure no warmth could compare to that of Hyukjae’s body half wrapped around him. Jongwoon knows that if he lets his hands wander further down he would find the rest of Hyukjae’s body as gloriously as his own, perhaps just as worn out from the night’s activities as well, but refrains in case it might break the peaceful slumber he’s in. As much as Jongwoon loves hearing his dongsaeng’s bright laugh and endless chatter, a peaceful Hyukjae fast asleep is an adorable sight to behold, and rare to come by.

But it’s nice. If only schedules and work and the general obstacle of everything didn’t come in the way, Jongwoon would’ve wished this is how it could always be. Coming home to Hyukjae, kissing him goodnight, being able to wrap his arm around the younger’s skinny torso, waking up to the beautiful face beside him, it’s a life Jongwoon would love to get used to. He can already tell he’s going to miss the scent of Hyukjae’s shampoo on the pillow covers when he has to return to his own home, but he can enjoy it while it lasts.

Another soft snore escapes Hyukjae’s mouth, the arm around Jongwoon’s body shifting ever so slightly, pulling Jongwoon closer. Even after all that happened, all the kisses they’d shared and the way they’d explored eachother’s bodies, the gesture still had Jongwoon’s heart fluttering. He doesn't want to leave this warm embrace, and he doesn’t really have to, it’s barely dawn after all, but the rhythmic breathing and the steady rise and fall of Hyukjae’s chest against his is lulling him back to sleep, much as he tries to resist it.

Then again, he supposes he must be grateful that he has this to fall asleep to — and he is — because there have been countless restless nights when loneliness gets the better of him and he shuts his eyes to imagine the warmth of Hyukjae's body behind him, an arm thrown over his body just like there is now, lets himself sink into an imaginary world where such a scenario is real and Hyukjae is a comforting presence in his space, keeping the anxiety and spiralling and the loneliness at bay. That he'd ever be able to feel as safe and as comforted without needing to resort to wishful thinking and midnight pretences is something he'd never even dared to hope for, yet here they are, and when Jongwoon finally gives into the temptation of sleep that washes over him, it's with his head buried under Hyukjae's chin, the hint of a smile on his lips as his eyes flutter shut.

*

Even without the eyeliner and makeup and straightened hair that Jongwoon puts in all the effort into, Hyukjae still thinks the man lying