“Please don’t go,” Xiaoting muttered to Yurina and held her hand. 

 

It’s the middle of the night and everyone else is resting inside the building. They both know what entails if they go outside and what more if they go alone. And Xiaoting doesn’t want anything to happen to her best friend. After all, she’s the only one that she got.

 

“I have to,” Yurina whispered, afraid to wake up anyone else. Both of them were on duty looking out for the zombies coming from the outside. They’re just lucky that good citizens like Eunseo and Luda are helping people get out of this hell hole. “I need my necklace back.”

 

“We’re already near the evacuation center and now you want to go back for a necklace?” Xiaoting’s voice raised, as soon as she realized it she got silent and looked at the burning candle beside them. “Have you lost your mind? I won’t let you.”

 

“But it’s the other half of your necklace.” Yurina pointed at the sun pendant that rests just below Xiaoting’s collar. “I don’t want to let it go.”

 

Yurina remembers the day when she gave Xiaoting the necklace. It was Xiaoting’s 18th birthday and she thought that it could be a wonderful present if she gave her a matching stuff and so she did. Yurina bought two necklaces, one was a golden sun that only had half of its rays and the other one was a silver crescent moon.

 

To anyone, it would look like a normal and typical necklace but no, the two necklaces complete each other like a puzzle piece. To Yurina, it’s the two of them and she couldn’t find any other metaphor that could fit how she feels for Xiaoting other than this.

 

And when Xiaoting saw the gift and Yurina’s necklace that day, the look on her face was priceless. It was always a pleasure for Yurina to see her sun glowing and smiling like that. Yurina wouldn’t dare trade that moment for the world.

 

“And I don’t want to let you go.” Xiaoting’s hold on Yurina’s hand tightened. “If you’re so adamant on going back, then you’ll have to take me with you.”

 

“No. You should stay here.” Yurina put her hand over Xiaoting’s. A rustling sound alerted Yurina only to realize that a few people moved in their sleep. “I’ll go alone.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You have to trust me on this one.” Yurina looked at Xiaotings worried eyes. She wanted to kiss those worries out of her but she didn't. She couldn’t. “I’ll just get that back quickly and then I’ll meet you outside.”

 

“Are you sure?” Xiaoting doesn’t know what to feel but she also doesn’t want to let Yurina feel like she doesn’t trust her. For all of the years that she’s known Yurina, the girl is capable enough to be trusted. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be friends with her.

 

“Of course.” Yurina nodded. Her hands caressed Xiaoting’s cheek and she slowly leaned forward until their foreheads touched. “I promise.”

 

It was a forehead promise that they both made when they were a kid just because pinky swears seemed too boring for them. And to them, forehead promises are much more special than pinky promises.

 

They held onto that position a little longer than usual. Taking comfort in the way their bodies are close with each other and it was as if nothing could ever disturb them in their bubble.

 

“Fine.” Xiaoting said as she leaned back. “I suppose we’ll meet outside?”

 

“Not just outside,” Yurina smiled with a hopeful gaze while Xiaoting looked at Yurina with her head tilted in confusion. “Let’s meet at Heartsease.”

 

“Are you stupid? Heartsease is still outside of this hole.” Xiaoting glared at Yurina. But Heartsease is notorious for its beautiful sunset and it’s a place they were longing to go to for months now ever since it blew up and trended on twitter. And just thinking about going there with Yurina makes Xiaoting look forward to the future ahead of them.

 

“Well, that’s besides the point.” Yurina giggled and had her hands put on the ground behind her, carrying her weight as she looked at the others. “I need to tell you something there.”

 

“You could tell me now.” Xiaoting gazed at Yurina expectantly and leaned forward and even had her puppy eyes on, which Yurina always falls for… but it didn’t work on her tonight.

 

“I’ll tell you that only when we’re on Heartsease.” Yurina smiled at Xiaoting and ruffled her hair. “Until then, I won’t tell you.”

 

If there was anything that one should know about Xiaoting, it’s that her curiosity always gets the best of her. But she knows Yurina and that once she is hell bent on keeping something a secret, she really won’t dare say it, just like about her crush that remains unknown to Xiaoting until now.  “God, I hope we’re already outside for you to tell me about it already.”

 

“Well, aren’t you excited?” Yurina chuckled. And just like that, the candle burned out. The entire room is dark and Yurina is about to look for another candle to burn when Xiaoting pulls her to sit back down. “What?”

 

“I’m on it.” In a few seconds, sparks were seen and the candle was lit up again. “Anyway, when are you going to get your necklace?”

 

“I’ll walk at dawn.” 

 

Yurina had it all calculated in her head. Walking a few places back during dawn would lessen her chances of meeting zombies on her way and walking at night is far too scary for her to even handle. And she knows that she would be able to find it at the last place they stopped, which is not that far from here. If she’s fortunate, she can retrieve it and go out in no time.

 

“Are you sure you won’t need me around?” Xiaoting asked. Once again, trying her luck, only for her to get denied once more.

 

Yurina shook her head. “I can do it on my own. Besides, Eunseo said that I can borrow anything from her stash.” And by stash, she meant the different weapons stash that can be found inside her car.

 

“Fine then.” Xiaoting yawned and Yurina smiled lovingly at her.

 

“You should take some rest now,” Yurina muttered. She straightened her legs and patted them. She knows that Xiaoting already knows what she meant.

 

“What about you? You’re even going back by dawn.” Xiaoting glared at Yurina. “You should also rest.”

 

“Alright, alright.” A husky voice muttered and the two of them turned to look at the voice’s owner, who was just a newly awakened Youngeun. “You guys can sleep now, I’ll handle stuff from here.”

 

“Sorry, did we wake you up?” Xiaoting muttered and discretely nudged Yurina at her sides. 

 

“You didn’t. I just couldn’t sleep well,” Youngeun sat down beside Xiaoting. “Anyway, yeah you guys should take some rest now because we’re gonna be free from zombies tomorrow.”

 

The two chuckled at what she said as it was true. 

 

Xiaoting was already comfortable leaning on the wall at the opposite side and had a blanket over her lap while Yurina looked back at Youngeun.

 

“Oh and Youngeun.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Please wake me up when dawn comes.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Don’t wake Xiaoting though.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just don’t. Please. I beg you.”

 

“Okay. I get it.”

 

“Thanks. I can really count on you.”

 

Yurina walked silently, dragging her feet, towards where Xiaoting currently sits. And Xiaoting gazes at her with her droopy eyes yet there’s still the warmth inside them. 

 

She smiles seeing how cute she looks being so sleepy like that yet she’s still beautiful in her eyes, despite having stains on her clothes and face. Maybe she has always been this elegant kind of beautiful or maybe it’s just her realizing over the past few months that they were together that she has always been in love with Xiaoting.

 

“What was that about?” Xiaoting whispered, her voice mellow and raspy.

 

“Nothing.” Yurina sat beside Xiaoting and let the older rest her head on her shoulder. “You should sleep now.”

 

“Alright.” Xiaoting took the blanket and draped it over her and Yurina. “Good night.”

 

Yurina leaned her head onto Xiaoting’s head and held her hand under the blanket.. “Good night.”

 

Yurina doesn’t know how Xiaoting reacted to that but she likes holding Xiaoting’s hand and feeling her warmth that’s why she did it. And just being by Xiaoting’s side makes her feel at ease and happy. She just hopes that whatever she says at Heartsease wouldn’t taint their friendship as she wants to spend a lifetime being at Xiaoting’s side.

 

Xiaoting didn’t take her hand away, as they both slipped away into their own dreamland.

 

Meanwhile, Youngeun looks at the two people, who happen to be her childhood friends too, at the other wall and whispers to herself, “And they say they’re just friends. I don’t think friends display that much affection to each other.”

 

---

 

“What do you mean, she’s already outside?” Xiaoting grabbed both of Youngeun’s shoulders and scowled at her. “And why didn’t you wake me up? Didn’t I tell you that if you have to wake her up, you have to wake me up first?”

 

“She begged me not to do it this time around.” Youngeun removed Xiaoting’s hands on her and slung her bag. The other’s are already looking at them and she doesn’t like this type of attention. “If there’s anyone whom you should ask, it should be her. Why would she even go outside alone, without her girlfriend. That’s just like a suicide mission,” Youngeun said, her voice devoid of any emotion.

 

“I’m not,” Xiaoting muttered, her head hung low as she closed her fists. “I’m not her girlfriend.”

 

“Then you have to just go on with us to freedom. Unless you want to run back there and meet some hungry zombies on the way and die.”

 

Xiaoting shook her head, her mind replaying everything that happened last night. “We made a promise.”

 

“I don’t know and I don’t really care about that promise, but we really should go now.” Youngeun muttered as the others were already walking away from them. If only she didn’t swear to Yurina that she’d keep Xiaoting safe, she would’ve left her already.

 

Xiaoting looked at Yurina’s favorite pen in her hands. She woke up with no one beside her but she was holding it. No one else would’ve done that except for Yurina.

 

It was foolish to let Yurina go back just like that. She should’ve changed her mind last night and became stubborn enough to not let her back when she could’ve bought another necklace for her. A much better one than the silver moon.

 

Yet she despises this circumstance to the deepest and darkest part of her heart.

 

The zombie outbreak is worse enough to take everything from Xiationg, her parents and even her beloved grandmother was taken away from her. She doesn't want to lose someone special to her anymore, especially not Yurina whoms she adores and loves so much. 

 

Because what would living be for her if the people that she loves are not around?

 

Thinking pessimistically is unlike Xiaoting and so she holds onto Yurina and her words and the promise of meeting outside, like at Heartsease.

 

Xiaoting took a deep sigh and walked forward with Youngeun.

 

---

 

Yurina had it all calculated and her calculations were never wrong.

 

She likes planning and telling others what to do and most of the time, the results are always great and not to mention, successful. For the times the results are just average even if she’s in the group, she supposes that it’s because she’s not leading it. 

 

When Yurina got woken up by Youngeun, she immediately told her that she needs to take care of Xiaoting, she told her to just think of Xiaoting as her older sister and she didn’t leave until Youngeun promised her. 

 

And like in her plan, she left her favorite pen in Xiaoting's hand, just in case she misses her. Because knowing how clingy Xiaoting is, she would miss her as soon as she woke up.

 

Yurina went on her way back to the storage room where they stayed for a night and she quickly got there without sweating. Which was peculiar, because she thought that the streets would be swarming with zombies yet she only encountered just three of them. She finished them off with a pistol.

 

She easily saw her necklace on the ground. The only reason why she remembers leaving it behind was because Eunseo made them hastily leave because a group of zombies were already on their tail. And that time her necklace snapped.

 

Yurina wanted to go back for the necklace but Eunseo didn’t let her as she carried her away while they ran for their lives. She saw how a few of their comrades' lives were lost here. Funny how she’s back here right now, just for one significant thing in her life.

 

Yurina took it and held it tightly in her hand, afraid that it would slip through her fingers again like sand.

 

But there must have been a flaw in her calculations as she hadn’t seen this coming.

 

She’s already on her way back to the building they slept at last night. She knows that she's going to finish quickly on retrieving the necklace, just like how she calculated. Yet, when she passed by a certain alley, she saw and heard a horde of zombies running after her. 

 

The chances of the entire group making it out alive if she leads the horde to them would be critically low, especially knowing that almost all of them passed out as soon as they got to the building due to fatigue yesterday.

 

And she didn't think that any of them had completely rested, and neither was she.

 

“,” Yurina muttered under her breath and caught their attention as she shot a round into the air and made noises to draw attention to her. Seeing how effective it was, she ran back to the storage, away from the exit and freedom. 

 

She’s not exactly the athletic type but maybe her adrenaline rush kept her running and shooting zombies that she saw on her way with the pistol and the rifle she borrowed from Eunseo. She was thankful enough that Eunseo made her get three grenades that were helpful as she threw them behind her just to stall her some time to outrun them.

 

“Damn it.” Yurina bit her lip as she was already way too deep into the city. She’s sure that no zombies were near the group now. Standing in the middle of the intersection and she took a quick 360, and she’s completely surrounded. Her grenades ran out and even if she used both the rifle and pistol on them, she’d still end up the same way.

 

She took out the necklace from her pocket, held it tightly. “Sorry, Xiaoting.” 

 

She remembers her promise and she didn’t mean to leave it unfulfilled. Yurina always makes sure she completes it, especially when it comes to her. But she hopes that Xiaoting would understand that she doesn’t mind ending this way if it meant that Xiaoting would live.

 

“I guess I’ll have to meet you somewhere else.” She kissed the back of her hand. “I hope you know that I love you.”

 

Yurina laughed bitterly knowing that she won’t be able to let her know now and her dream of being at Xiaoting’s side for a lifetime will stay as a dream. 

 

Fueled by rage, Yurina took her rifle and shot zombies one by one. 

 

Until she couldn’t.

 

---

 

“Is Yurina here yet?” Xiaoting asked the officer, Chaeyeon. There was a new set of people who came around the evacuation center and Xiaoting feels hopeful that maybe today she’ll see Yurina.

 

They’re still inside as the government needs to make sure that everyone isn’t bitten by a zombie.

 

Chaeyeon recognized her as she's the only one who kept coming back for days asking for the same person every time. She shook her head as there was no one with that name who passed through the doors. “I’m sorry. Your friend isn’t here yet.”

 

“Oh,” Xiaoting muttered and felt her heart sink. “Thank you.”

 

She walked back to where Youngeun sleeps comfortably. And sits beside her, making no sound. She doesn't want to wake up someone who's obviously dreaming.

 

She looked around and on one side there's the giving of sleeping bags for everyone and on the other side is a really nice canteen with a variety of food for them. And the middle is where evacuees sleep. The place is not even filled with them as there's a lot of space left. She bets that she could even run through the people who are sleeping and think of it as an obstacle course.

 

But it's been three days and she still hasn't seen Yurina, even her shadow is nowhere to be seen. 

 

And everyday that she doesn't see her walk through those doors, a part of her hope dies.

 

Youngeun stirred awake and saw Xiaoting hugging her knees to her chest. She put a hand on her shoulder and said, "You okay?"

 

Xiaoting shook her head no. Youngeun just sat there with Xiaoting in silence. She doesn't know how to comfort someone who is sad and perhaps longing for someone else's presence. God, I hope she's still alive, Youngeun thought.

 

Youngeun observed the place and came to her senses that tomorrow is their last day here and they'll be able to take refuge in another city. "We'll go out of here tomorrow."

 

"I know," Xiaoting lifted her head up and bitterly smiled.

 

"Maybe you'll see her somewhere else?" Youngeun said, feeling a bit hopeful to the point her tone unintentionally went upwards at the end.

 

"I hope so."

 

"Do you have any place in mind where you want to go?" Youngeun asked. "Mine would probably just be Astra."

 

"You're going to a star?"

 

"It's a city," Youngeun deadpanned.

 

"I know. I'm just messing with you," Xiaoting lightly chuckled. She doesn't really have any city in mind but her tongue moved faster than her mind. "I'm gonna go to Heartsease."

 

"Heartsease, huh?" Youngeun whispered. "Isn't that place known for the sunsets?"

 

"Yeah." 

 

"And did you know that Heartsease is actually near Astra," Youngeun smiled. "Guess, I'll see you often."

 

"You don't really have to, you know? I can take care of myself."

 

"I made a promise to Yurina that I'll take care of you."

 

Xiaoting froze.

 

Right. 

 

Yurina promised her that she'll see her outside but until now she's still not here. She remembers their last conversation. 

 

Maybe at Heartsease...

 

Maybe until then she'll see her again.

 

Xiaoting smiled at Youngeun and tapped her shoulder. "Are you hungry? Let's grab something to eat."

 

---

 

Three months. Three long months since she got out of the hell hole and three months without Yurina. She didn't know how she was able to live through it but she did. And in those three months a lot had happened.

 

Xiaoting started to live in Heartsease inside an average apartment and work in a hospital as a nurse. And Youngeun started to work in Astra as a journalist, despite that, the girl visits her frequently.

 

She knows that Yurina would've been excited to see her live her dream of helping save lives. But if time permits her, she would continue studying law and if ever, she would even be classmates with Yurina just like how they were in high school.

 

Kawaguchi Yurina.

 

Xiaoting misses her terribly that even just the thought of her name makes her heart ache. Yet she says it anyway. There's nothing else that she wants more than to see her again.

 

She knows that Yurina would've been so happy if she was here. They would’ve been roommates in her apartment. They would catch the sunrise and talk about how they were right about the sunsets, that they are indeed splendid. But seeing it everyday without Yurina beside her, doesn't make it feel special. It only feels yet another sunset that she has seen in her lifetime.

 

But it didn't stop her from stopping by the beach every time her shift ends just before the sun sets, as her own feet take her there.

 

Today, the heat of the summer is at full blow. If she was a popsicle stick, she would've definitely melted already. Which, thinking of, only made her crave ice cream and she bought it as soon as she got out of the hospital.

 

She often chooses vanilla ice cream as basic as it seems but she likes it and she doesn't listen to anyone who dislikes it. But today, she unconsciously ordered a chocolate ice cream, Yurina's favorite.

 

Xiaoting sighed as she ate her ice cream in silence. Yurina would've adored the ice cream place and they would have fun trying all the flavors. It's also no doubt that they'd become regulars here as Yurina loves ice cream so much.

 

If only Yurina was here.

 

What a funny word, 'if'. It gives me hope. Xiaoting smiled to herself. But I haven't seen her yet. She still has to tell me something here.

 

Yet she holds onto Yurina’s words.

 

And everyday, she gets reminded of their promise because of her necklace and Yurina's favorite pen that sits on her nightstand. Xiaoting looks at it as soon as she wakes up and before she falls asleep. Hoping that tomorrow might be the day she sees her again and hoping that she may dream of her at night.

 

Finishing her ice cream, Xiaoting went outside and took a walk at the seashore.

 

The sun had already set and all that was left was the sand under her feet, the waves crashing against the shore, the seagulls flying around, and two women lying down on the sand.

 

Now that is not something that she sees everyday. And as she gets near them, she realizes that they are holding hands and she took a double take as they weren't moving at all.

 

She gazed a little harder at their stomach, in hopes to see it rise and fall but nothing happened. It just stayed flat.

 

"Damn it," Xiaoting muttered as she immediately ran towards them and put gloves on her hands.

 

Recently, there was news about people crossing the radioactive city and having repercussions in a short period of time. She doesn't know what caused it but all she knows is the cause of fallout, the bomb three months ago. She's informed about it as Youngeun was the one who made the news about it and told her to stay safe and always wear gloves if she doesn't know where the patient came from.

 

And since then Xiaoting made sure to bring disposable gloves because Youngeun kept telling her to have one, now she thinks that it is indeed better than for her to have her sorry later.

 

Xiaoting checked for their pulse and there was none. But there were also traces of blood on the sand yet she doesn't think that it was due to stabbing for there are no stab wounds, only blood stains near their mouth.

 

Xiaoting felt her heart tighten with what she saw, not by the blood but with something else. 

 

Even so, she managed to use her phone and call for help. In just a few moments, the police along with the ambulance came into the scene and took her statements.

 

Everything ended quickly, but the words written on one of the girl's palms made her heart constrict as it read, I love you, Hyewon.

 

Xiaoting stayed on the shore even after what just happened. She wonders again what would Yurina tell her in Heartsease. Would it be just something trivial or is it something else?

 

If Yurina told her a random fact, she would just laugh and agree.

 

If Yurina finally tells her who her crush is, she would smile and hide the pain inside.

 

But if by chance Yurina tells her she loves her, she would tell her that she does too.

 

However, she doesn't know which one it would be. She doesn't know because Yurina isn't here. Her heart ached so much that she cried and yelled to the sky just in case Yurina was listening to her.

 

When she got home, there was an envelope on her rug. She doesn't think that it was just an accident as Heartsease is a relatively small town where everybody knows everybody. And they're all good people where no one would even dare prank the others. She's sure that it came from Youngeun.

 

Xiaoting saw the handwriting and it didn't come from her. She was certain that she felt a rush pulse down through her veins as she grazed over the ink. She doesn’t think that it was a coincidence to see this exactly on the third month since she lost contact with her.

 

She carefully tore the envelope and saw a paper with cutely drawn chibi figures of two women with a caption of X and Y. Xiaoting smiled as she already knew what it was. There was a signature at the bottom of the page and an arrow to the back of the paper.

 

There was a note and as simple as it may be, it brought tears to Xiaoting's face. She muttered in between sobs, "I love you too."

 

Xiaoting fell asleep crying while holding the paper.

 

In Yurina's adorable penmanship, the note said, "Thank you always. I love you."

 

---

 

A year passed and there was a complete list of people who died inside the walled city. Xiaoting didn't want to go but Youngeun persisted and she couldn't help but just agree as she views her as a little sister.

 

Youngeun did her own thing by interviewing people while she stayed near the wall where the names are engraved. If only Xiaoting didn't know the context, she would've thought that the engravings and its font were fancy.

 

Xiaoting looked at the names, and there were a lot of unfamiliar ones and she even saw her parents name there. But as she gets painfully close to Yurina's surname, the more feels dry.

 

And there it was.

 

Kawaguchi Yurina. 21.

 

Xiaoting felt her knees weaken and she dropped to the ground. She couldn't stop the tears from falling as she saw her name on the wall.

 

She had always thought of the possibility that maybe she wasn’t able to get out of there in time, or maybe something else happened to her but she believed in Yurina that she’ll be alright. She believed in her words, her promise.

 

"You promised me, Yurina." Xiaoting punched the ground. "You promised me."

 

Xiaoting didn't care if other people looked at her weirdly. Nor even when Youngeun went back for her as she stayed rooted on the ground in front of Yurina's name.

 

She thought back to that night when they were just happy about the thought of being free. The smiles, the warmth, and the happiness as she lived through them not knowing that it's the last of it. If only she knew differently then maybe she would've done something else that would change the outcome.

 

Maybe if she knew that this would happen, she would've done everything to make her stay. Then maybe now she would've been able to tell her that she loves her.

 

Xiaoting wanted to rip her heart out. She wanted to travel back in time as she says.

 

"I never should've let you go."