Taeyeon crashed onto her bed in a face-down starfish position.

Truthfully, she had been actively blocking the memory of their almost-kiss for three long days. It would just pile up with the stress she already has from the investigation.

Well, it wasn’t like she expected Jessica to ignore it; she surprised her in her office for lunch in the middle of their cold “war” after all. Nonetheless, she was the first to apologize while Taeyeon was suppressing it. How many times does she need to be reminded that she has Garam?

It was taxing enough that a part of her brain actually wanted it to happen. She was glad it didn’t, but it was also a pity.

She reached for her phone inside her jeans pocket while still sprawled across the bed on her stomach.

Taeyeon brushed the screen with her thumb and smiled at her new lockscreen wallpaper as it flashed on.

Garam wasn’t the type to take selfies but if it’s for his girlfriend, he took one of them both wearing matching deep blue pinstripe suits in the changing room—with vests, red ties, and all. Taeyeon wore a pair of her prescription aviator glasses, jacket ed, and a tight skirt equivalent of the slacks with her legs crossed in the said mirror selfie.

They went to the mall for his birthday, under the pretense of a typical shopping spree for Taeyeon. She loved seeing him in suits so she bought him one with the money she’d save up, but he also insisted on returning the favor by wearing matching suits and they ended up taking their first picture together as a couple.

Jessica visited her apartment the next day.

“What a surprise!” Taeyeon exclaimed in fake shock, bun resembling a bird’s nest and her thin oversized shirt was revealing a part of her collarbone.

It was Saturday, and with her boyfriend stepping up the ladder in his career—which she totally supports—doesn’t help the fact that she feels lonely on weekends. Her laptop was playing a random title on Netflix and she was slumped on her bed, thoughtlessly switching between scrolling through news websites on her phone (if ever Bae Dasun decides to come out from her hiding place and confess), or reread the text messages shared with Garam from a few hours ago.

Needless to say, great relief washed over her when a close colleague knocked on her door to let her escape the loneliness.

And she knows they were more than colleagues at this point. It was just difficult to say it herself.

“You know what we need?”

“What?”

“Fruity girls need fruits and wine,” Jessica ardently brushed past her with a grin and went straight to the dining area after kicking her flats off in the entryway and throwing her bag near the bed.

She took out apples and peaches from the paper bag that she was holding.

“What are you really doing here?” Taeyeon chuckled, sitting on her bed.

“I lost a trial,” Jessica said, sighing. “I’m here to mope.”

“What’s it about?”

Jessica took the clean cutting board and knife besides the sink.

“A big corporation was charged of dumping toxic waste in our rivers,” she breathed a sigh once more, but longer this time. “It totally contaminated the water.”

“I’m guessing you lack evidence?” Taeyeon presumed.

“Yeah, emphasis on the word ‘big’ before ‘corporation’,” she said, laughing. She cuts the fruits into bite-size pieces.

“Can’t argue with that,” Taeyeon mumbled to herself.

A moment later, she stood up from the bed and walked over to the cupboards to grab a bottle of unopened Cabernet. Their bare shoulders brushed briefly, Taeyeon ignored the sparks while Jessica shivered at the touch.

“Now you get it,” Jessica commented, seeing the bottle in the corner of her eye, shrugging off her thoughts.

“Get over here and we’ll talk about those corporate jerks messing with our peaceful town,” Taeyeon sat on the floor with a grunt and pouring red wine into their glasses.

They sat around the coffee table with their legs crossed.

As promised, they were ceaselessly roasting rich people while imbibing red wine as their way to have fun. Of course, Jessica’s husband wasn’t exempted in their chopping block of tipsy childish insults. When their bottle was almost empty, Jessica froze as she remembered what to ask her.

“Taengoo, are you free today?” she said impatiently, wanting to say more.

Taeyeon glanced at their table and the glass between her lips. She shrugged.

“What do you think?” she smirked and sipped on her wine.

“Have you ever gone clubbing before?”

“Once, if I remember correctly? Why?”

“My friend Sooyoung’s club just opened. Would you mind being my plus one?” Jessica asked.

Oh no.

In Taeyeon’s eyes, Jessica resembled a cat asking for food. How could she possibly say no when Jessica looked innocently thrilled to bring someone over at a friend’s place.

“But I won’t be dancing,” she negotiated.

She hadn’t gone to a club before, what was she thinking?

“Honey, I know you won’t. I will own the dancefloor tonight,” Jessica smirked and reached for her backpack.

She ped the bag and took out a black halter neck laced midi dress.

“Oh—you aren’t joking…” Taeyeon trailed off, speechless. She stared at the dress with slightly open.

This is what she gets for lying.

“You… really... came… prepared…” she said with short intervals between the words.

Jessica gave a prideful grin, holding her dress high above them.

“Well, I thought you’d say no so I didn’t arrive wearing it,” she said.

“Wow…”

“Come on, it’s your turn,” Jessica pushed her off the floor and stood up on her own, her legs almost wobbling. Taeyeon automatically walked to the dresser’s direction before she would get more shoves.

Jessica’s smile dropped once she opened the dresser. “They’re all dark,” she said, turning to face her. She looked back once more to choose from the little variety of colors.

Black, white, and it just keeps getting darker… if that’s even possible?!

“Are you a vampire?” she asked, clearly unimpressed and disappointed with the selection.

Before Taeyeon gets a chance to retaliate, Jessica picked out a skater dress with crisscross back. She ed it to her chest.

Taeyeon pulled her lips in a straight line as if to stop herself from whining and wordlessly disappeared to the bathroom. When she exited after putting on the dress, she found Jessica already wearing hers and crouching down barefoot in the entryway, scanning Taeyeon’s shoe rack for stilettos to wear.

“Tell me again why we’re suddenly partying?”

“It’s called having fun, my dear Watson,” Jessica turned her head to make eye contact, the corner of quirked up mischievously. Taeyeon rolled her eyes. She added, “You’re a workaholic and I need to find a girlfriend. It’s as easy as pie.” She shrugged and proceeded to choose their footwear.

The profiler sat on her bed and pouted as Jessica rummages through her shoe rack. She couldn’t help but feel jealousy over some hypothetical girl Jessica would swoon in the nightclub they were going. She couldn’t even return her feelings, but why does it hurt to know that Taeyeon was not an option anymore. She shook the thought off.

After Jessica did most of the work (i.e., makeup and hair) because—bless her heart—Taeyeon had no experience in any of these, they called a cab to Sooyoung’s nightclub.

Since the prosecutor was already a VIP, they needn’t to wait in line, which gave Taeyeon more pressure as an unexperienced party-er or nightclub goer. Whatever the term is, she doesn’t care as long as she’s with Jessica.

The place officially opened a few hours ago, but it was already packed and introvert-repelling by the abundance of PDA on the dancefloor alone. Taeyeon shrunk and hugged her arms as Jessica led her to the VIP lounge while they squeezed through the pack of dancing (if jadedly shaking your shoulders and/or hips count as dancing) and sweaty bodies.

Sooyoung sat elegantly on the edge of the curved patent leather sofa nursing a glass of scotch on the rocks. She wore a silver fitted maxi dress that hugged her slim figure, with the slit revealing her long legs under the table. She unmistakably owned the place.

On the contrary, Taeyeon felt like an outsider. There’s a small voice in her head telling her to make up an excuse and go home because it was almost impossible to have fun in a place like this for a woman like her: a workaholic, as Jessica would say. But she already gave her consent to partake, and she only agreed because Jessica asked to accompany her, even if it means not being her real date.

While regulars covered every inch of the dancefloor below, the VIPs were at their rooms above, enjoying the liquors at their privacy. As a good friend of Jessica, Sooyoung welcomed her friend in open arms and bringing Taeyeon into their tight group hug.

“I’m so glad you made it,” Sooyoung said after they broke away, letting the two women breathe.

“I was planning on skipping the grand opening, anyway,” Jessica said.

Sooyoung playfully slapped her arm. “Yah! No one told you to find a date.”

“Well, I wanted my date,” she linked her arm around Taeyeon’s— “to have fun for one night instead of focusing on her boyfriend that probably doesn’t exist or the goddamn murder case that can wait for at least ten hours… Right?” She turned her head to her ‘date’ with an eyebrow arched.

Taeyeon’s cheeks tinted at the word ‘date’. “I’m well aware,” she scoffed with a smirk. “You don’t have to tell me twice. Can we order drinks now?”

Sooyoung chuckled gleefully. “I love her already!”

The three of them took their seats on the blue patent leather sofa. The owner of the club suggested for them to play Truth or Drink with one of Sooyoung’s best Polish vodka that she may or may not have nicked from her bar just for tonight.

Their turns weren’t a spin-the-bottle type but a clockwise rotation as they were only three of them playing. Sooyoung in the farthest left, Jessica in the middle, and Taeyeon in the right. The latter never wanted to fake needing to go to the bathroom so badly when it was her turn.

A groan escaped when Jessica downed her shot and chaser instead of answering Taeyeon’s question: “What was your biggest regret in life?” And it was, God forbid, her turn once again as Jessica’s glasses were both empty.

Jessica straightened in her seat and cleared . “Now, my turn to ask!” she said, grinning from ear to ear. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

Under the purple light in their VIP room, Taeyeon was grateful she was the only person who knew how much she was blushing. Her facial expression, however, gives out an answer.

“Wh-Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Jessica laughed. “If you can’t answer, you’re welcome to drink your shot.” She says, knowing full well that Taeyeon was as stubborn as a mule and had never backed down from answering her questions in the game. Only God knows why.

“N-no!” she responded confidently yet bashfully.

“Wait, really? You haven’t had a girlfriend before?” Jessica persisted.

“It’s Sooyoung’s turn now,” Taeyeon waved it off, silently praying that Sooyoung would answer as long as she possibly could so they would never reach her turn.

“Are you a vanilla type of girl?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon felt herself flush again and the question wasn’t even directed to her.

“You know I’m not, Sica!” she giggled and gulped down a glass of vodka and chaser. “I won’t get down to the specifics, so I’m taking one for the team.” She poured her empty shot glass above her head and they applauded her.

“Braver than the marines, our Choi Sooyoung!” Jessica yelled.

“Now, your turn!”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Taeyeon said, eyeing the full shot glass of clear liquid in front of the prosecutor.

“Honey,” she said. “Why do you think my marriage ended up like this?” and she laughed like she delivered her greatest punchline yet.

“Okay, anyway, since when have you known that you’re queer?”

It was a simple question and Taeyeon didn’t know where to begin. Her eyes kept glancing to her glass and to her friends, yet she could not utter a word.

She took her first gulp of the vodka and chaser, face grimacing to the taste and sensation as the liquid entered .

“Wow,” Sooyoung muttered in disbelief.

“This isn’t fun anymore,” Jessica shook her head in disappointment. “I can’t believe this is all it takes to break you, Taengoo.”

Their one-liter bottle was only a few shots away from being empty and their bucket of ice had completely melted. It was time Taeyeon lost the game, anyway.

Cleaning up their table, the two extroverts were preparing to leave the room and enjoy the rest of the night on their own terms.

Jessica tapped on Taeyeon’s thigh under the table. “Hey, I’m going to socialize on the dancefloor, if you get what I mean.”

She gets what she means and she’s feigning innocence to mask the assortment of emotions, she felt at this exact moment, that she could not discern.

“You’re not even gonna pretend to be jealous?” Jessica said, frowning at the silence. “Whatever. Just call my phone when you need me.”

As she left the room, Sooyoung spoke to the smaller woman. “Hey, you can rest here if you need to, I’ll have someone bring blankets if you’d like. Thanks for being with Jessica tonight.”

“No, no,” Taeyeon shook her head. “It was my pleasure. I had fun, thank you so much.”

“I’ll be greeting my friends downstairs. Call me if you need anything, alright?”

“Of course.”

--

Taeyeon had no desire to dance, so rest she did. She had the large curved sofa all to herself and she brought her feet up to the seat as she began texting Garam.

“sry couldn’t reply. was at a club w friends”

“and u didn’t even invite me?”

“girls’ night only. sry ily”

“lol it’s ok. are u having fun?”

“i am. rn im lounging in the vip area. what r u up to?”

“taking the bus home. my boss treated us dinner again”

“get home safely”

“i will. i’ll call u when i arrive home”

The door swung open and Jessica’s pumps clicked loudly against the epoxy flooring, running to the sofa and plopping down to lean against Taeyeon’s back. The latter locked her phone and placed it on top of the table.

“Any luck?” she teased, bringing her feet down.

Jessica sat up properly and massaged her calf. She groaned, “Unfortunately, no.”

“You’re talking to your imaginary boyfriend again?”

“Okay, he’s not imaginary,” Taeyeon chuckled. Her phone chimed for a text and the screen flashed on, showing the wallpaper. “Speaking of…”

Jessica caught a glimpse of the lockscreen before Taeyeon grabbed her phone to reply with a smitten smile etched on her face as she types.

I would be simply asking out of curiosity.

“What’s your boyfriend’s name?” she said in her normal, chirpy voice reserved only for the psychologist.

This means no harm. I just want to know.

“Oh, I haven’t told you his name yet?” Taeyeon briefly looked up from her phone. “It’s Min Garam. Does it ring a bell?”

She turned off her device again and studied Jessica’s eyes. It had a mix of sadness and something else. Has she provoked her somehow?

“How long have you been dating?” she pressed.

“I think over a year ago.”

I trusted you.

“He’s married.”

Taeyeon instinctively opened , as if to blindly defend him like a good girlfriend does, until she understood the context. Her face lost all color when the realization dawned on her.

Jessica let out a sardonic laugh when she saw her reaction. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know this?”

“I-I really don’t…”

The married woman’s eyes glinted of scorn, yet twisted into forced humor.

“You really enjoyed bringing me up just to let me down.”

They both knew it wasn’t true.

Jessica added: “I can’t believe this. You both are truly disgusting.”

Taeyeon’s heart shattered as if it had fallen from a building. There was a pang in her chest—it felt heavy and it was tightening every second.

“You deserve an award for being the best psychologist of the year, mastering the arts of manipulation!” she exclaimed with tears pooling in her eyes. “Truth be told, you both deserve to burn in hell together. You will never see me again.”

Class and poise were thrown out of the window and she stormed out of the room, slamming the door closed.

Spaced out, Taeyeon said goodbye to Sooyoung and went home as the taxi driver snapped her out of her thoughts. She went straight to her bed.

She didn’t eat. She didn’t bathe. She was alone making sense of the whole situation, hugging her knees with the lights off, and staring into space.

When she finally noticed that it was dark out, Taeyeon picked up her phone which had her and Garam’s first picture together set as the lockscreen. The goddamn wallpaper. The one that made her like this.

She had no other thoughts as she starts to delete photos of him and block his social media accounts, even if she never uses them. As well as his number. Deleted. Gone. Blocked. Like he never existed in her life.

That was it.

Taeyeon wanted to explain to Jessica so desperately that she had been wrong, but what was there to explain? She would only be making excuses. Jessica wouldn’t understand her, and neither does she to her situation.

They both got the short end of the stick dating Garam, but Jessica was more damaged. Who knows if he fooled more women in their marriage?

The wardrobe was all she fixated on as she had an array of thoughts flooding her mind. Her mind was in a daze, and the inanimate object was beckoning her to open it. She walked forwards, barefoot in her dress, and she slid open the first drawer. It had the oversized mocha colored shirt that Jessica wore when she stayed overnight; folded and smelled like cheap detergent, but she grabbed it anyway and brought it to bed.

Clutching the shirt as she laid down, smelling the washed-off scent of the woman that got away. Unconsciously, she cried. She was never the type to cry easily unless she was watching a very emotional movie. Nothing breaks her, but Jessica did. Jessica telling her how horrible she was, how manipulative she was, and how she’s part of the collective that is her and Garam like they were the most awful people Jessica had ever encountered in her life.

She did nothing but cry to herself that night—in self-pity, because she knows Jessica will never take back her words—hugging the shirt, and her thoughts all centered around the woman that she hurt.

They didn’t have an established label, they didn’t date, yet she truly hurt her so much.

And she missed her so much, she just realized it now. Taeyeon accepted her feelings too late. Jessica had already left her.