iv.

With a conversation that never happened and closure that eluded him, it took all of Yesung’s self-restraint to not barge into the Lee household and demand an explanation from Hyukjae, but mingled with the would-be scandal of it all was once again the crippling fear of rejection that would come with it. He didn’t know if it would be better to stay confused for the rest of his life or live with the fact that Hyukjae regretted his actions and was disgusted, and well and truly no longer wanted anything to do with him.

Days faded into weeks as texts were left unseen and calls went to voicemail, and Yesung soon had to come to terms with the fact that his best friend was so terribly ashamed of them that he had cut Yesung out of his life completely, but no amount of ripped papers and broken plates could comfort him, not when it felt like the sunshine had vanished from his life.

Yesung wasn’t one to chase after people, no matter how much his heart longed for them, and after the initial couple of weeks of unresponsiveness, he’s taken to just silently hoping and praying for a miracle that Hyukjae would come back into his life with his ready smile and friendly insults, but there was no hide nor hair from the younger. It was like he’d mastered the art of avoiding Yesung’s times of being out of the house, or maybe he just never left his house at all.

But the hurt never disappeared, and as time went by the details of that cursed night began to blur until Yesung was so convinced that Hyukjae had indeed been repulsed by what he’d done, and he cursed himself even more for letting his guard down, and drinking even after the painful instances that had come from it before.

·•·

It had been a particularly bad day at work, he’d gotten all of three hours of sleep that night, his boss had yelled at him, and he’d spilt his much-needed coffee all over his desk. Yesung entered his house at 9pm in the evening, with the intention of going straight up to curl up in his bed and fall asleep, but as if the day wasn’t done with him, his mother dropped a bombshell the moment he walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Hyukjae? His train’s early tomorrow morning, so you might want to hurry.”

Yesung narrowly missed choking on the sip of water he’d taken, gasping out a raspy, “ What?! ”

“You know, his parents have already left for Daejeon, and he’s supposed to follow them in the morning.” Her eyes narrowed as she turned towards her son. “Shouldn’t you already know this?”

Yesung barely registered her question, a flood of questions bouncing around his mind. Hyukjae’s leaving? When? Why? How did he not tell me???

Suddenly aware of his mother’s piercing gaze on him, he managed to mumble, “No, we, uh, haven’t spoken recently, he’s been busy.”

“Oh.” If she’d detected any untruthfulness in her son’s words, she didn’t say anything. “I’d wondered where he’s been recently. You were practically joined at the hip for 10 years, and it’s been quiet around the house without him.”

Yesung nodded distractedly, a doubt surfacing.

“How did you find out about them moving?”

“I met his mother recently, and she told me vaguely of their plans, something to do with that business of theirs. Apparently, Hyukjae offered to take care of the house before leaving, so he stayed back for a few more days.”

“Oh.” was all Yesung could say.

“You should see him off properly, you know. I think he’d like it.”

“Yeah. Maybe I will.”

Yesung backed out of the house, but he did not go