His last words mimics on my head. It wasn’t sad nor sweet. It’s uncertain. “...maybe...” and I couldn’t forget not once but I should move on now.

....

               “His looks on you are intent.”

               “But he’s my best bud.” I marvelled at Lara’s opinion on how Ah In looks at me.

               “Girl’s talk? Could I join you?”Ah In barge in from behind then started helping me with my bag.

               “You’ve heard something?” Nervously, I asked.

               “Not much  Eunie. Don’t worry I won’t tell.” He grinned at me.

               Lara’s statement burdened me for weeks. Could it be that my best friend likes me? No it’s not quite possible. Before I knew it, I found the same reasons why my girl friend had thought so. A guy would not wait an hour or two outside on cold night, let alone get hungry to give his lunch, spank someone for insulting you then get five bruises, buy almost all the tickets for you to win the pageant, piggy ride you because your feet sores from overly high heels, and finally, sacrifice his prized wheels to cheer you then his life to save you from drowning when he himself couldn’t swim.

               The answer was neither yes or no. But the bigger one was that what if it’s YES? Am I ready? Ready to lose a best friend?

               Then I find myself troubled for a bigger question? Am I starting to fall?

 

EUNIE WHY NOT CHOOSE ME INSTEAD? I WON’T LET YOU CRY LIKE THAT. AH IN FOR SO EUN. EUNIE FOR AH IN??? AH IN hopes ^_^

 

               The purple note written on his notebook caught my attention. I was about to hold it when he snatched it away from me. Then grinned.

               “Eunie, not all purple are for you. It’s mine.”

               “Just looking at it.” I said.    

                “Seen something?” he asked slightly blushing.

               “All of it.”

               “All of it?”

               “Does it matter?”

               He frowned disappointed that I have seen it all. Then he left without a word.

               Three days passed and he isn’t showing up. I worried. I came looking for him. He isn’t coming to school either. Then his mother told me he was in the hospital. I laughed at myself for thinking he got depressed then skipped school. Like he would give up his ceiling high grades due to lovesick on ME. Funny. He is sick. Not lovesick. And I am just paranoid.

               The hospital stinks. And I can’t hide the disgust from my face. Neil was lying when I arrived. He smiled hearing my footsteps but sighed as I speak.

               “You’re sick why didn’t you tell me?” I nagged while putting the fruits I brought on the table.

               “You hate the smell of hospital.”

               “Sorry. Does it show too much?” 

               “You could leave.”

               “Ouch. I went to visit you, and to take care of you.”

               “I’m alright.”

               “Could you tell me what happen?”

               “I said I’m fine.”

               “Eunie, Strike three. First you could leave, then I’m alright, then I’m fine, what’s next. He is heartless.” I told myself.

              “I’ll be your nurse for the day. Isn’t it great? The campus sweetheart is your nurse. Ah ln you’re a lucky guy.” I said cheerfully pretending not to hear his first statement.

               “You’re not the campus sweetheart. Not even a runner up.”

               “Are we okay?”

               “I- am .. fine.”

               “Tell me what’s the matter? I’m so clueless here.” 

               “I need some rest. Thanks for the fruits.”

               As he speaks, he tilted his head looking at the window avoiding me. As if expecting me to really leave. Instead I did not. I insisted to stay.

               “What did I do wrong tell me. Then I’ll leave.”

               Still facing the window he answered.

               “You now know. You could get mad at me.”

               “Is it about the one written in your notebook?”

               “Precisely.”

               “What if I feel the same way too?”embarrassed but brave enough I asked.

               Hearing those words, he faced me, still lying.

               “Now I’m puzzled,” his face now better than before.

               “You have writ-ten th-at... that you li-ke... me. And I-I... guess I li-ke... like you too.” I mumbled.

               “You’ll never win any pageant. But you have won me. Now I really wanted to rest. See you tomorrow at school. Huh.”

               I left him happy. The following days, we are happy just like the old days. Maybe better than the old days. Yes far better.

               It was Friday afternoon. The sky is dark like it would rain. The wind is blowing harshly than usual. Lucky enough I wear PE uniform and not skirt.Ah In walked me home. Then he bumped the electric post. For a moment I think he was lost. Then he grinned.

               “Am I blind or what?”

               I just laugh at what he said then continued walking. Suddenly, a big black dog blocked my way. Frantic, I screamed so loud. Thinking he’s just behind me, I found myself running back. But he’s nowhere to be found. On impulse, I climbed the nearest tree. Just then, he appeared with a stone scaring the dog which scampered away.

               “Where have you been? See I’m so scared here.”

               “I won’t walk you home after this.”

               “Huh?”

               “Let’s not see each other after this shall we?”

               “You are going nuts. Going somewhere? Abroad?”

               It was weird how he talks. But I could see how serious he was. And it makes me go nervous.

               “I am nuts.” He laughed then added, “Maybe this is goodbye for us.”

               “Don’t joke. It’s not funny anymore.”

               His words started to sink in. And it is very frightening. Just like the thunder that has just echoed on Earth.

               “Are we in anyway, bre-aking breaking... u-up?” I confirmed battling for answer yet wishes to hear no.

               “NO. Of course not.” He laughed.

               I was relieved. But the storm has just begun.

               “We are not a couple are we? We are just going to part. That’s it.” he added.

               “Yes. Then we are going to part ways.” I cried. Just as the rain started to fall. I turned my back. But I wanted to be answered so I stopped him from walking opposite my direction.

               “Hey Ah In!” I shouted for him to hear me better with the rain falling heavier.

               “Have you e-ver ever... lo-ve love.... m-m-me me?”       

               It was freezing. The silence minus the rain falling on the ground was deafening. Then he answered back,

               “I’m happy being with you .You’re happy being with me. Maybe we’d been in love.”

               Ah ln waved goodbye. It was really goodbye.

....

               “Maybe we’d been in love...” Words still uncertain until now. Maybe. But I am certain with how I have felt for that moment. I have been in love. Love that has not ended with happy ending. But life goes on. Time heals all wounds and I’m happy living with my husband and kids. 

###

“Another sad love story. It’s been quite a trend on radio drama these days isn’t it Mr. Yo.” the doctor commented.

“Yeah. The story seems familiar.” the patient answered.

“Familiar?”

“Yeah.”

“It does not seem like it’s been played before though. Isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. It’s a pitty the girl, whatever her name is, she’s fooled.”

“So Eun. It’s not like the guy fooled the girl. Maybe he loved. Maybe they’d been in love. But he loved too much. And he can’t accept the fact that he can no longer take good care of her like before. And it’s not good. For both of them.” 

“Yeah. Oh, by the way, you’re going to have your operation tomorrow. Finally you’ve got an eye donor. Congratulations Mr. Yo you’re going to see the light again.”

“Am I? I’ve been comfortable with the dark now. But thanks Dr. and call me Ah In, Mr. Yo is too formal.”

“.Congratulations...Ah In...”

-END-