"Out of All the People in the World... Why Me?"- Review

Title: 2/5

What should I say? My first impression, to be frank, was, “Holy cow, that’s a pretty long title.” I can see that you were trying, and you succeeded in a way, to hook the reader into thinking, “Omgee! I wonder what that ‘why me’ thing was about?” But the long title rather dampens the effect. Perhaps you could make it more ambiguous, or more original. One point was deducted for this. Speaking of originality, my second thought towards the title was, “It sounds like just another cliche…” No matter how good your story is, if the title basically screams out “CLICHE!!!!!!”, then chances are, half the readers who stumble upon your story may just be gone with a flick of their hair. Another two points were deducted for this.

Description and Foreword: 6/10

I’m afraid that the description may have saved you from telling half the story. It would have been PERFECT if you stopped at ‘They’re LONELY…’, but then you went on, cut to the chase, and to be honest it killed my curiosity which was aroused from the title. I thought this was a bit of a shame, as the description also pushed forward my suspicion that this story may be just another cliché. Though the following statements may fit better in the ‘Plot’ section, the description is meant to draw the reader in further, yes? It’s meant to arouse their curiosity even further, to make their pulse quicken with excitement … Maybe I’m being too dramatic, but I felt my pulse slow down after reading the description. Now, here are the two statements: Make your story different! Don’t be scared to explore the unknown!

The foreword. Everything was fine, until you revealed the pairings. Mystery plays a huge part in keeping the reader hooked, and I really think it’s a pity that you didn't take advantage of it.

Characters: 9/15

Nice, sweet, vibrant characters, but it’s hard to believe they’re real. They had proper personalities, but the personalities weren’t as unique as I would have liked. Plus, I find it hard to believe that anyone would be THAT obsessed and dedicated with someone they didn’t even KNOW. The biggest complaint would be that they over react. Another would be that you…kind of… made them too girly? I mean, during their online conversation in the first chapter I would have bet a million dollars that they were hardcore fan girls. When they turned out to be fan guys, I found it hard to believe. Also, do guys giggle? However, you gave each of them a personality. Gave each of them a role, and most of all gave each of them originality. I applaud you for that.

Plot: 13/20

Sweet and intriguing in the way that I wanted to know how you would pull it off. Too bad it was too predictable. Some parts of the plot didn’t really add up, but overall it made sense. Most events were cliché, or even worse—cheesy, but the overall effect was acceptable. If I had to describe your story in one sentence, it would be ‘100% k-drama material’. But, that doesn’t mean that it’s not good. Personally I’m a fan of k-drama, because even if the plots weren’t the best and most original, the execution was almost flawless. I think although your execution is not exactly up to k-drama standards, it’s definitely pretty high up in AFF standards. The low scoring is simply because I am not a big fan of clichés.

Grammar and Spelling: 11/20

First of all, ‘“Riiight… you don’t know where we’re going…” he said sheepishly, running his fingers through his orange.’ This sentence made me spend about five minutes scanning the rest of the chapter, trying to find where the heck Taemin got his ‘orange’ from. The fanfic was readable and understandable, but the occasional missed word, messed up tenses, missing capital and missing speech marks did distract me quite a bit. Not only does poor grammar cause misunderstandings, but it also disrupts the flow of the story. Maybe try proofreading next time. Reading out loud also helps locate missing words.

Pace and flow: 7/10

Good. Probably what you were best at in this fanfic. Although, some events happened sort of suddenly. Also, it was kind of awkward when a character suddenly shifts from one emotion to another, like they were having hardcore mood swings or something.  This made me grade you down for both character development and flow.

Foreshadowing is a powerful tool for bonding events and helping the story flow, so you might want to experiment with that next time. Pace and flow is crucial for making the story believable, so it’s a pretty important thing to be good at.

Language features: 7/15

I would give you a higher score for this section, if there was more to score it on. The ones that did pop up were good (a little cheesy though…), but there were too few of them for me to give you a high score. Also, I cut off a few points for the lack of describing and imagery—if you think a simple picture off google images would help the reader visualize better than through your own words, you have somewhat failed as a writer. The beauty of writing is helping the reader visualize through text. Language features are what aid the writer to do so. If you want to truly be an outstanding writer, you have to be able to not only give an idea of what something looks like, but how it feels, how it smells too. However, I am fine with if you added a little description PLUS the pictures to give details—it helps mould it into the story more.

Text/Poster /Overall appearance: 2/5

Not especially distracting, but not especially eye pleasing either. The background pictures were slightly distracting and repetitive, but the text was easy to read and it did not really affect the actual fanfic. One thing that may just count as a personal opinion is that I recommend you refrain from changing colours and fonts/font sizes too frequently. People read your fanfics for the story, not for the pretty colours. Next time use italics instead of bolding. Also, changing the colour of the font implies to the reader that it’s a side note. Meaning it is misleading and can cause misunderstandings, Which means you probably shouldn’t use it too much.

Overall Enjoyment/Bonus: 3/5

Your fanfic was good, but I wouldn’t read it again. There was no special touch, and it just felt like another cliche. However, I loved your writing voice. It was easy to understand, easy to read and easy to enjoy. You have a nice warm sense of humour and I hope you carry that onto your other stories in the future.

Total Mark: 60/100

Additional Comments:
Overall not a bad job, but my main complaint would be about wording, and the seeming laziness of not being bothered to describe, but instead using links to pictures. Some sentences didn’t flow—“Fanclubspeak.net was a really cool website.” That sentence made me want to slam my head on the desk. The following sentences afterwards made you sound like you an advertising agent. Also, another complaint would be how the characters tend to over react, though that is a pretty common trait among fanfics on this site. I liked how you gave the characters personalities, and how you were very adaptable in different voices. Your pacing was great, though some unneeded attention on unimportant details cut you a point. Some places made me smile and overall it was a nice, warm fanfic to read. Keep writing. J

I think I’ve been pretty mean for this review, so I’ll say something else here. For the latest chapter your skill as a writer really shone through. I could tell you were really inspired for that chapter. You felt an emotion compel you, and you conveyed that emotion through text. That one chapter really stood out—I could tell you put your heart in it. I could feel the emotions, I could feel the warmth of belonging, of friendship. You are a great writer, and the only reason I’m being harsh in this review is because I think you can handle it, and I think you have potential (well, also partly because you asked for itß literally). Don’t give up. Keep writing, and when times get tough, pick up a pen, get to your computer or phone or whatever, and write your heart out.

Wow that was cheesy of me. But anyway… This is my first review, so things are not perfect, but I’m proud to be Imp3rfect. J