Step forward, back and spin. 

Step forward, back and spin.

Step forward, back… and spin. 

Hyukjae falls to the ground, trying not to groan in frustration. He had the steps down, but they didn’t flow right, didn’t look natural. He’s just not good enough, and with the way he’s going now, he fears that he might not even get to debut.

All that hard work down the drain.

He wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life, and yet here he is, clearly not even close to being good enough. What is he supposed to do about that? He practices hours and hours on end, and yet—

“Hyukjae! That was so good, can you show me that move too?” a voice interrupts his spiral, a very familiar voice with a heavy Mokpo accent. He blinks a few times, getting a grip on his thoughts and emotions before he stands, turning around.

Donghae is standing at the door, dressed in clothes two times too big for him, hair flopping into his eyes. He smiles wide at Hyukjae, showing off his slightly crooked teeth. Hyukjae is helpless to do anything but smile back. His chest feels strangely tight as he does so, his face warm.

And there’s the other issue.

How is he supposed to be an idol, if… if he has feelings like these? It’s bad enough that he has these feelings in general, because if he’s to be an idol, he has to be single, has to be available. But to have these feelings for a boy?

He's a freak. 

If people find out, he won’t just lose his chance to be an idol, he’ll also lose everything. If people find out, he’d be done for. And he can only imagine what Donghae would think. As sweet as Donghae is, he’s still just a small-town boy, and a very religious one at that. He doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of Donghae’s hatred. 

“Donghae,” Hyukjae says, still a little out of breath. “What time is it?”

“One in the morning,” Donghae says, walking up to him. Hyukjae can see how sleepy his friend looks, yet still looking so happy to see him. 

“Why are you still awake?” he asks.

“I wanted to find you and you weren’t there,” Donghae says, pouting. “So I went looking.”

Hyukjae swallows, hating how his heart rate picks up Donghae’s statement.

“I see,” he says.

“So will you teach me?” Donghae says, looking up at Hyukjae with wide eyes that reminds him of a puppy. “I like dancing, but I’m still nowhere near as good as you.”

Hyukjae bites his lip. Donghae’s statement makes him so unreasonably happy, but he can’t help but feel like he’s so wrong, so disgusting for feeling this way about his friend.

“I’m not that good,” he says. “But I can teach you. Tomorrow, okay? It’s late.”

Donghae nods.

“You’re the best, Hyukjae,” he says, smiling. Hyukjae closes his eyes for a second, composing himself, before he opens them and reaches out, ruffling Donghae’s hair.

“Let’s go to bed, okay?” he says rather than acknowledge Donghae’s statement. Donghae laughs, grabbing at Hyukjae’s hands.

“Stop it!” he says, but he giggles, a sound that makes Hyukjae’s heart hurt. He quickly pulls his hands back before Donghae can actually touch him and heads out of the practice room. He hears Donghae jogging to catch up with him and they head to their dorm together. 

They get ready for bed in silence, since most of the other trainees in the dorm have already gone to sleep. Hyukjae realizes when they’re crawling into bed that he hadn’t had dinner, but it’s not as if he can really afford much anyway, so he brushes it off. Best not to eat too much anyway, if he wants to maintain his figure.

“Goodnight Donghae,” he says as he turns off the lights. He hears Donghae hum in response and Hyukjae settles into his spot. The long day catches up to him, and he starts to feel the exhaustion deep in his bones. He lets out a sigh, sinking into his pillow. He has to wake up at five tomorrow, so he should sleep as soon as possible. 

“I love you, Hyukjae,” Donghae whispers as he starts to drift off. Hyukjae suddenly feels wide awake.

“You can’t say that,” he says quickly. Donghae opens his eyes again, frowning at him.

“Why not?” he says, looking upset.

“Just… Just don’t, okay?” Hyukjae says. “We can’t—You can’t just say things like that.”

There’s another long moment of silence before Donghae shifts slightly.

“Okay,” he says.

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Donghae says, sounding annoyed.

“Okay,” Hyukjae says. “Goodnight then, Donghae.”

“... Goodnight.”

⸺

He doesn’t wake up at five am. Hyukjae is certain about this, because the first thing he’s aware of is how the sun is shining directly into his eyes. The second thing he becomes aware of is how the bed feels outrageously soft. He feels like he’s laying on a cloud and sheets that lay on top of him feel like pure silk. 

This is not his bed.

Suddenly, he feels wide awake. He sits up, his heart racing as he takes in his surroundings. He’s met with an unfamiliarly large room, which confirms his suspicions.

"Hyuk, what do you—" says a man who walks in the door before Hyukjae can act, clad only in a towel. Hyukjae's eyes widen, because he can't look away from the man's chest, from the dips and crevices of his muscles. 

Stop, he has to stop. 

It takes a herculean effort, but he pries his eyes off the man's abs and finally looks up at the man's face. 

Which.

It's somehow even worse than the abs, because this man is gorgeous. Hyukjae feels his jaw drop a little before he gets a hold of himself. This is a stranger in a strange place, Hyukjae, get a grip.

"W-Who are you?" he stutters out. "Where am I?"

The sound of his voice seems to snap the unknown man out of his own stupor and he shakes his head.

"I—Hyukjae?" he says. Hyukjae stiffens.

"Yes?" he says. "How do you know my name?"

The man blinks at him for a few seconds before he pinches the bridge of his nose. Hyukjae can see him muttering something to himself for a few seconds before he looks back up at Hyukjae.

"Hyukjae," he says. "It's me. Donghae."

Hyukjae flinches.

"What?" he snaps. "What do you think I am, an idiot? Donghae’s the same age as me, there's no way you're my Donghae."

"Hyukjae, what year is it?" the man asks. Hyukjae crosses his arms, considering whether or not he should humour this strange question. He ultimately doesn't see the harm, so he sighs.

"It's 2002," he says and the man shakes his head.

"Hyukjae, it's 2019," the man says. Hyukjae blinks.

"What do you mean? Why would you lie about something like that?" he says. The man sighs.

"Let—Let me get dressed and I'll show you, okay?" he says. He doesn't even wait for Hyukjae's response before he starts rummaging through the drawers. He grabs a bunch of clothes and quickly exits the room, leaving Hyukjae alone.

Hyukjae pulls the (silky soft) blankets off of him and sits up. For the first time, he assesses the room around him—it's very large, larger than any bedroom he's ever been in. The bed is huge as well, easily twice as large as the one he fell asleep in. The room, though large, feels cozy and lived in. Paintings hang on the walls, a few plants in the corners, books and trinkets lining the shelves and dresser. A guitar sits next to the door.

The curtains are still drawn with only sunlight peeking in through the gap (which had been what had woken him), so Hyukjae stands, heading to the window. He yanks the curtains aside. It reveals a sight that's familiar, yet not.

He's clearly in a very tall building, overlooking almost the entirety of Seoul. But not the Seoul he remembers. The skyline is significantly more crowded, far more skyscrapers, lights, billboards, and cars than he remembers. And when he looks closer, even at the distance that he is, he can see that the cars look different as well, sleeker, more… futuristic.

He stumbles back just as the door opens again. Hyukjae nearly trips on the rug on the floor, but manages to stop himself from falling by correcting his trajectory and landing on the bed again.

"Hyukjae?" the man—Donghae?—says. He glances over at the window before he makes a noise of understanding. "Believe me now?"

His voice is almost unbearably gentle and Hyukjae can't deal with it. He brings his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

"What's happening?" he whispers. 

Donghae sighs.

"I don't know," he says. "But how about I make you something to eat and we'll try and sort it out."

⸺

The rest of the apartment is as extravagant as the bedroom, and Hyukjae can’t help but stare with wide eyes, trying to take in as much of the surroundings as possible. One entire wall is just glass, giving a panoramic view of the city below. The floors are shiny white, and everything in the kitchen looks so high-tech, Hyukjae struggles to wrap his head around it.

“What do you want to eat?” Donghae asks as he rummages through the fridge. Hyukjae shrugs. He’s not used to having any choice. He’ll eat what’s given to him.

“Anything is fine,” he says. Donghae raises an eyebrow, but turns back to the fridge, sticking his head into it to pull stuff out. He bustles through the kitchen as Hyukjae watches, still feeling more than a little overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in such a short amount of time. 

How can he be in the future? It shouldn’t be possible, and the only explanation is that he’s dreaming. But he also doesn’t think he’s creative enough to come up with something like this—waking up seventeen years in the future in an apartment that looks like this and with Donghae? Why would he dream about something like this?

“Here,” Donghae says, and Hyukjae jumps a little. He clears his throat and looks down at what Donghae had put in front of him—a large bowl of the reddest strawberries he’s ever seen. He blinks at it for a second before he looks back up at Donghae, who is smiling at him. “You can eat that while you wait. You’re hungry, right?”

As if on cue, Hyukjae’s stomach growls and he feels his face heat up.

“Thanks,” he mutters. He picks up the small fork and takes a bite. They’re delicious, and Hyukjae wonders if Donghae knows that this is his favourite food.

As he eats, he savours the taste and tries not to spiral into his thoughts again. A few minutes later, Donghae sets another bowl in front of him with a fried egg, an assortment of vegetables, and rice. He looks up at Donghae, who sits down across from him with a very large and very green smoothie.

“You’re not going to eat?” he asks. Donghae shakes his head.

“I don’t usually eat in the morning,” he says. “But enjoy.”

He doesn’t say much after that, and Hyukjae finds it strange that Donghae is so quiet. The Donghae he knows isn’t quiet, he finds every opportunity to talk Hyukjae’s ear off (not that he minds) and the fact that Donghae isn’t talking right now unnerves him.

He watches Donghae carefully as he eats, taking in every detail of the man before him. Even in his panic, it couldn’t escape his notice that the man is absolutely gorgeous. But the more he looks, the more Hyukjae is enamoured. Now that he’s looking closer, he can definitely see all of the resemblances between his Donghae and this one. 

But the most convincing resemblance for Hyukjae, the one that is such a defining factor of Donghae, are his eyes. 

Donghae’s eyes are so unique.

There’s nobody out there with eyes like him, that shine in the light, conveying his emotions so easily. 

Hyukjae loves Donghae’s eyes and this man… this man has Donghae’s eyes. 

Hyukjae chews his food slowly. 

“Am I… We’re still friends here, right?” Hyukjae asks softly, now that he’s rationalized through his thoughts on the strange man actually being Donghae. He’s almost afraid of the answer, because he has no idea what he would do if his best friend is no longer his best friend here in the future.

Donghae chuckles. 

"Yes Hyukjae," he says. "We're still friends. Best friends."

He grins cheekily before taking a sip of his smoothie. Hyukjae follows the movement, his eyes drawn to the glint of the silver ring on the ring finger of Donghae's left hand.

"You're married?" he blurts out, before shrinking back. "Sorry, that's none of my business."

Donghae shakes his head. "It's fine," he reassures. "And yes, to answer your question, I am married."

That revelation hits him like a ton of bricks, the sensation spearing through his heart. He's suddenly not very hungry anymore.

"Who is she? I-I mean there's no one else here," he asks before biting on his tongue. He really has to learn to stop talking.

Donghae doesn't look at all bothered. Instead, his eyes crinkle a little, sparkling with amusement. He seems to assess Hyukjae for a second before he leans forward, resting his chin on his hand.

"Hyukjae," he says, and his voice seems softer. "I married you."

Hyukjae drops his spoon. It clatters on the table, but he can't bring himself to care about that right now. His hands are shaking, he realizes, and he closes his fist so it’s not so apparent. His thoughts are a whirlwind—there’s no way, Donghae must be joking. He must have picked up on Hyukjae’s feelings, though he has no idea how, and is now making fun of them.

It’s not possible.

He can feel his eyes prickle, the familiar heat of tears about to fall, but he doesn’t let himself blink, for them to fall. He swipes at his eyes quickly and looks back up at Donghae, who’s watching him intently.

“Hyukjae… sorry. I forgot how it was back then.” Donghae says, slowly pulls off the wedding ring on his finger and holds it out to Hyukjae. “Read the inscription on the inside.”

Hyukjae hesitates before carefully taking the ring from Donghae’s palm. He spins it around in his fingers a few times; there’s quite a weight to the ring and it’s even more beautiful up close. The inscription is engraved on the inside of the ring in small letters, and Hyukjae has to squint to read it.

You and me, forever. Your love, Lee Hyukjae.

Hyukjae lets out a shaky breath, his vision blurring. He closes his hand around the ring, just as the tears finally flow free from his eyes and start to stream down his cheek.

He doesn’t know what he’s feeling right now, all of his emotions washing over him in one, uncomfortable tidal wave. He sobs, but quickly stamps down on it—he shouldn’t be crying about this right now. And yet he can’t help himself, because even though he tries to stop the sobs, another one breaks free, and the next thing he knows he’s breaking down.

A few seconds later, he feels strong arms surround him, pulling him into a tight hug. He relaxes into it, absently marvelling at how warm and comfortable it is. 

His Donghae is such a  scrawny little boy, he has no idea how that small, skinny kid has grown into such a large, muscular man. He can't help but bury his face into Donghae’s chest, where he can smell a slight citrus scent.

The chaos of his mind is calmed by the feeling of the warm stability surrounding him, and eventually settling into something more simple. He’s confused, but at the same time, he feels cautiously happy. If this is real… the boy he has a crush on is now his husband. 

It feels wrong to think about it, and yet at the same time, he can’t stop.

His husband. His husband. 

Donghae.

He finds himself starting to tear up again and he sniffs. He’d spend the last year or so denying any sort of feelings he’d had for his friend, keeping the other boy at arms length. He suddenly remembers what Donghae had said to him last night, and the way he had shut Donghae down so quickly.

"Isn't it… Isn't it wrong?" he asks, his voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper. Donghae tightens his grip on him.

"Never," Donghae says. "We are not wrong for loving. It's them who are wrong."

Hyukjae had never thought about it that way. He pulls away and Donghae lets go. 

“Did—Since when did we…” he starts, but can’t bring himself to actually say it.

“Start liking each other? Or start dating,” Donghae finishes for him. Hyukjae nods, squirming a little at actually hearing Donghae saying it out loud.

“Uh, both,” he says. Donghae hums, crossing his arms.

"I don't remember exactly when we started liking each other. But I think… I think there wasn't really a time where we weren't in love with each other, right?" he says. He gives Hyukjae a gentle smile and Hyukjae flounders a little, his face heating.

He opens his mouth to deny it, but nothing comes out, the words stuck in his throat as if they know he has no right to say them. He bites his lip instead. His Donghae loves him as well?

"As for dating," Donghae says. "I don't remember exactly, actually. I don't think we ever officially said we were dating, it just happened without us even realizing."

Hyukjae finishes off the last bites of his food to avoid having to answer right away.

"But it's not allowed," he finally says, his voice whisper-soft. “Is it—is it allowed now?”

Donghae sighs. “Not really, no,” he says and Hyukjae slumps. 

“Then how can we be married?” he says. 

"Well, it's legal in some places," Donghae says. "So we went there and got married there. I just disguise any ring by wearing a lot of other ones and no one is any the wiser."

That seems awfully risky, but Hyukjae considers it. If he had the chance to marry Donghae, even if it's outside of Korea, he's sure he'd take that chance too. 

"Oh," is all Hyukjae says.

"Come. I'll show you a little bit," he says. He scratches the back of his head, blinking a bit. "I don't know how much I'm allowed to show you."

"I can keep it a secret," Hyukjae says. Donghae chuckles. 

"I know," he says. He beckons for Hyukjae to follow him to the living area and to sit on the couch. Hyukjae sits, watching as Donghae rummages through a drawer under the mind-blowingly thin and large television.

"Here," Donghae says, dropping on the couch next to him. He's holding a small gift box and he opens it, pulling out a large stack of photos. "I'll show you a few."

Hyukjae hesitates for a second before inching closer. Then closer. And then, in an uncharacteristic act of bravery, he shifts closer one last time so that their legs are touching. Donghae doesn’t react, so Hyukjae allows himself to relax.

Donghae is still flipping through the pictures, and a few seconds later, he laughs. Hyukjae finds himself enraptured by Donghae’s laugh, the way his eyes sparkle, white teeth on display, hair falling into his eyes. He is a little disappointed that Donghae’s teeth have been straightened—he’s always felt that the slight crookedness was so cute. 

“Look, it’s you,” he says, holding out a small polaroid picture of him and Donghae. It’s a little blurry, but Hyukjae can see that the Hyukjae in the picture is ver