In more ways than one, shortcuts are always better.

 

Try and ask anyone if they'd prefer the short journey or the tedious one, a great majority would pick the former. It's the practical option; saving both time and energy which are severely limited resources in the span of one's life.

 

Jongkook begged to differ though. He was never one to pick the easy way out. His friends would often scold him for using the stove for reheating leftovers when he had a well-functioning microwave oven. Of course he had several health justifications for his actions, but the simpler reason was that he liked the food better when it's heated on the stove. Granted, his preference was more of a hassle, but he honestly didn't mind because it was worth losing a couple of precious seconds over.

 

Shortcuts made sense but he believed that life rarely made any sense. Instead, Jongkook believed that the long road was for the long haul.

 

Jongkook smiled as he gazed down at the woman currently wrapped in his embrace. She was puffing small wisps of air, snuggling deep into his neck, and breathing in his scent.

 

The greatest journey of his life might have taken a crap-ton of detours here and there, but it had finally arrived at the destination and it was more blissful than he could've ever imagined.

 

They might have taken the long road, but Jongkook was certain that they were in it for the long haul.

 

---

 

A week before the wedding

 

Jongkook pulled his car over at a highway rest stop. He’d been driving for quite some time now and  had no idea where he was going. He wanted to scream, cry, and throw a damn fit in the middle of the highway but he was a public figure. It was a good thing that he’d at least retained some sense of self-preservation amidst the flurry of emotions coursing through him at the moment.

 

Taking a deep breath, he hung his head in defeat. Driving away from Jihyo’s house was the most painful thing he’d ever done but he did it anyway. He was a romantic and romantics were always fond of that “if you love someone, you let them go.” trope, it was only fitting that that applied to him too.

 

“Ah, how cruel.” Jongkook chuckled bitterly to himself.

 

His wallowing was interrupted when his phone shrilled. He gingerly grasped his phone and stared at the unlisted international phone call he was receiving. He felt his forehead crinkle in confusion because he doesn’t remember giving away his Korean contact number to people he didn’t know personally, especially if said people were foreigners.

 

“Hello?” Jongkook tentatively answered.
 

“Hi Mr. Kim, this is Lia Hudson from Holt Real Estate Agencies.” The woman introduced. “I understand that you were searching for an apartment near downtown Los Angeles?”

 

Ah, that.

 

It was no secret that Jongkook frequented Los Angeles whenever his schedule would allow it. His friends gladly offer him their homes whenever he comes to visit, but he no longer wants to impose. Also, he could afford to purchase an apartment unit so why not? 

 

“Oh, uh- yes, I was.” He cleared his throat and continued. “But I’m pretty sure Mr. David was my agent-”

 

“Mr. David is currently unavailable because he has other affairs to tend to. Most of his clients are with me now." The woman patiently explained.

 

"Ah, I see."

 

"As to why I called, I found an apartment unit which suits you and all your requirements." Lia stated. "It is my understanding that you are not in the States right now?"

 

"Yes, that's correct."

 

"Unfortunately, if you have plans to actually purchase this unit, you have to be here in person. It would be best to avoid legal issues in the future."

 

Sighing, Jongkook pinched the bridge of his nose. He'd been very meticulous in choosing the conditions of his LA home. The employees at the real estate agency weren't amateurs, but it took them a long time to find one that met his every whim. This was a once in a lifetime chance he wasn't letting go of. Not again.

 

"Okay." Jongkook agreed. "Is it possible for you to reserve that unit for, at least, a month or two? I have other commitments and I'll have to clear my schedule."

 

"It's possible, yes. However, it has to be in exactly two months." Lia clarified. "That's the maximum leeway I can provide."

 

Two months, huh? At least he could still attend Jihyo's wedding with that schedule.

 

“Sure, Ms. Hudson. I’ll call you back in a month.”

 

“Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Kim.” She started with a tone of finality and dropped the call.

 

Jongkook felt exhausted, as if that call had drained every ounce of energy he had in him.

 

Funny how the apartment he’d wished to have in LA finally became available when he felt a desperate need within him to get away from everything.

 

Jongkook sighed and stepped out of his car. He looked up at the night sky; it was clear, the stars were nowhere to be found. It was a chilly night, every breath he took fanned around him like smoke.

 

Maybe this was something that was fated to happen.

 

Who was he to defy fate?

 

---

 

The Wedding

 

Jongkook hadn't realized how long he'd stood at the balcony of the wedding hall pondering about how his every choice led to this exact moment.

 

His cheeks were cold and his hair was wind-swept.

 

His hands felt numb and clammy, his breath smelled like nicotine.

 

His current state was an unusual combination which he completely and utterly despised.

 

He barely heard the door swing open, he thought he was still alone until he saw elegant hands hang from the balcony edge.

 

Jongkook chanced a glance at the woman who stood beside him and he couldn't help but stutter at the sight. "O-oh. Eomoni, annyeong haseyo."

 

He bowed deeply as he recognized Park Gwija, Jihyo's mother, standing next to him. He'd always heard stories from Jihyo about the great Park Gwija.

 

Everyone knew of Jihyo's extreme fear of insects, she would literally convulse in horror because of them. Despite that, Jihyo always told him that she'd rather come in close contact with the pesky little buggers rather than face the wrath of her mother.

 

This was the woman whom Jihyo feared the most and she was currently scrutinizing him with a sharp gaze. She barely even acknowledged his greeting.

 

Feeling anxious, Jongkook cleared his throat and straightened his tie. In his nervousness, he failed to realize that he didn't actually fix his tie. If anything, he left it even more crooked than before.

 

Jongkook furrowed his eyebrows in embarrassment, he bit his lip, and attempted to fix his disaster of a necktie again.

 

He heard an audible sigh Gwija sighed and reached out to smoothen his tie with a sad but knowing look on her face. "You really remind me of my husband, Jongkook-ah."

 

Not knowing how to respond to her statement, Jongkook smiled sheepishly and concocted the most flattering remark he could formulate in his brain. "Ah, I'm not sure if I could compare to your husband eomoni."

 

"Shush you." Gwija chided. "You're both decent men and you know it." Jongkook bowed slightly, unsure of how he should act. However, Jihyo's mother continued. "Except he doesn't smoke. Or at least he's smart enough to not let me get a whiff of him smelling like a damn exhaust pipe."

 

He gulped audibly and Gwija finally released him from her hold, his necktie looking as neat as it could ever be. "Ah, mianhae. It's not… that's not… I don't smoke, I swear it's just-"

 

"Just what? A sad enough occasion for you to finally give up on your 'health is wealth' agenda?" She said, quirking an eyebrow at his excuse.

 

"Aniya." Jongkook shook his head profusely. "That's not it, eomoni. I was just…"

 

Jongkook scoured his brain for an excuse. What could he say right now that would sound forgivable?

 

I was just sad enough that I became impulsive.

 

I felt like I needed an out.

 

I'm so madly in love with your daughter but it's too late.

 

I'm too late.

 

He couldn't say any of that. Not to her. Not to anyone.

 

"Donghoon was just being a horrible influence, that's all." He replied meekly.

 

A beat of silence followed his weak attempt to salvage his reputation in front of Jihyo's mother.

 

That was until Gwija let out a genuine chuckle and patted him lightly on the shoulders. "Ah, you really remind me of my husband. You both can't lie to save your own lives."

 

"Jongkook-ah, you remember when I spoke with you and Yoo Jaesuk-ssi that night?" Gwija said with a reminiscent tone in her voice. "I asked you both to take care of Seung Im-ah."

 

Seung Im. Right. Jongkook could never get used to hearing her actual birth name. In all honesty, he had no preferences because he thought all names suited her just fine.

 

"I do remember. Does she still have no idea you did that?"

 

"Of course she doesn't! I know my daughter, she wouldn't like it if she knew I embarrassed her in front of her colleagues." Gwija exclaimed. "She's always been like that, you know? She doesn't like me meddling and worrying about her; I raised my Seung Im to be independent. Perhaps she grew up to be too independent."

 

"It's what makes her herself, eomoni. Besides, Jaesuk hyung and I understood your reasons. You did it out of love and concern for her." Jongkook smiled and looked Jihyo's mother in the eye.

 

She had a pondering look on her face as she whispered lightly. "The things we do for love, yeah?"

 

He might have been overthinking her remark, but he was certain that what she said had more depth to it. Like she was saying it, not just to him, but for him.

 

"To be honest, I only considered talking to Jaesuk-ssi about my Seung Im that day." Gwija narrated and chuckled mirthfully. "But then, I saw you and thought how could I not include the person my daughter spent her younger years fawning over?"

 

He desperately tried to hide the blush which colored his cheeks.

 

"It was good that I included you, though. Jaesuk-ssi took care of her in a professional sense, but you supported her behind the camera, didn’t you?"

 

"Ah, it wasn't just me who did that eomoni. It was all of us, we all took care of Jihyo-"

 

As if ignoring his explanation, Gwija continued. "And up until now, you're still putting her first."

 

Jongkook was startled. What she just said wasn't a question, it was a statement. He nervously blinked at Jihyo's mother. "I told you, Jongkook-ah. You can't lie to save your life, I don't know why my Seung Im never realized."

 

"Eomoni, ani-"

 

"I spent all but a few minutes with you but I already caught on. One would think that you both haven't been around each other for more than a decade, it’s crazy."

 

Realizing that it would be unfruitful to lie to her anymore, Jongkook just hung his head shamefully. "It was my fault, eomoni. I wasn't brave enough to risk it and now, it's too late."

 

Gwija didn't reply, she merely gave him a soft pat on his shoulder.

 

"It's cold, we should go inside."

 

"You go ahead, eomoni. I'll be right there."

 

She nodded and made her way to the door. "Oh before I leave… don't forget to do something about that stench, Jongkook-ah. We can't have you walking around like that."

 

"Ah, thank you for the reminder eomoni." Jongkook bowed once more. "It was nice talking to you."

 

"Likewise, Jongkook-ah. Come in here and join us soon, alright?" She smiled kindly.

 

"I will." He smiled back.

 

After a couple of minutes of dusting himself off, Jongkook gripped at the doorknob, willing himself to flash his best smile, and appear nonchalant as though he wasn't being crushed by the weight of all his longing and regret. He swung the door open with more force than necessary, taking a deep breath as he did so.

 

He saw Jihyo and her husband sitting together at a round table with their families, bright smiles decorating their faces. He, however, struggled to make his way through the crowd to look for Sechan and ask him for a mint. Gwija was right, as South Korea's resident health nut, he certainly couldn't tarnish his reputation by having his breath stink of Marlboro.

 

When he saw his dongsaeng's familiar figure, he rushed towards him and roughly tapped at his shoulder. "Sechan-ah, give me some of your breath mints?"

 

"Oh hyung!" Sechan jumped, eyes widening as he looked at Jongkook. "I thought you hated my breath mints? What's with-"

 

Frustrated, Jongkook cut him off. "Just give me some, alright?"

 

Sechan's nose wrinkled and he gave Jongkook a one-over. "Hyung… is that?"

 

"Yes, it is. Now quit yapping and give me your damn breath mints." He breathed out, anxiety evident in the tone of his voice.

 

"Arasseo hyung." His dongsaeng yielded, clutching at his coat pockets. When he'd found the familiar tube-like structure, he immediately offered it to him and Jongkook took it without hesitation.

 

He'd popped three chewable lozenges inside his mouth all at once, breathing a sigh of relief as he did so. "Gomapta, Sechan-ah."

 

"No worries, hyung. I'd ask why, but I'm afraid I'd get hit." Sechan laughed. "It's a good thing you found me when you did, though. The MC's looking for you."

 

Jongkook sent him a questioning gaze. "Jaesuk hyung? Why?"

 

"He wants you to say a few words. All the Running Man members already did."

 

"You guys all did it alone?"

 

"No we didn't… ah hyung, did you really just go wandering off after you sang?" Sechan exasperatedly chided him. Jongkook bit his tongue. Under normal circumstances, he would've scolded him in return, but Sechan didn't know what was going on. It wouldn't be fair to him to be scolded and be unaware of the reason why.

 

"Somin and I did it together because we practiced something for Jihyo noona's special day." Sechan elaborated. "I can't believe you missed that, hyung! After we practiced so diligently…"

 

"You guys performed the swing dance, didn't you?" Jongkook countered which effectively rendered his dongsaeng speechless.

 

"Hyung… wah. This is seriously unbelievable. Are you a psychic or something? I swear you're so freaky…"

 

At this point, Jongkook was no longer paying attention to Sechan's ramblings. All his focus was channelled towards his insistence on stopping his heart from beating erratically against his chest. Thing is, it was no secret that he was one of Jihyo's closest friends. He knew something like this would be inevitable, but he thought he wouldn't be singled out like this. He thought he'd have the rest of the members by his side to keep him grounded.

 

Crap. This was trouble.

 

Before he could fully process his thoughts, Jaesuk's booming MC voice was heard by everyone in the room. "To say a few words of well wishes to the newlyweds, we have Kim Jongkook-ssi!"

 

A round of applause resonated throughout the wedding hall. He clenched his fists and felt the accumulation of sweat on his palms as the guests diverted their attention towards him.

 

With a light slap on his back from Sechan, Jongkook trudged forward. The stage was a short distance from where he stood but Jongkook felt heavy, like he had shackles binding his ankles.

 

When he'd arrived at the foot of the stage, he reached out for the microphone in Jaesuk's hands, which he then grasped gingerly in between his sweat-addled palms.

 

Jongkook inhaled sharply and straightened his back. He looked at the general area where Jihyo was seated and flashed a boyish grin. "Jihyo-yah, people know you for your variety show image and phenomenal acting skills. I'm not sure which side of you your husband prefers but I'm certain it's not the Jihyo who sleeps in the car with wide open without a care in the world." He joked, inducing laughter from the crowd.

 

Jongkook looked at her, but he wasn't really looking. He'd stare at the variety of ornaments which decorated her hair or at a certain spot on her lace-covered shoulders.

 

His gaze landed everywhere except on those chocolate brown orbs.

 

Truth be told, he'd been staring at everything else but her eyes with laser-like focus. If he was suddenly asked how many flowers were included in the beautiful bouquet she held in her hands, he could answer sixteen without missing a beat.

 

He was a coward, nothing but a weak man. He could never look at her eyes, he'd fall all over again.

 

"You've always been such a delight to be around. Even back then when the only reaction we could get from you was a shy laugh as you hid behind your hands whenever someone cracked a silly joke." He reminisced, thinking about the early days when their friendship was still budding.

 

The early days when he had all the time and chances in the world yet failed to clutch his fists around it with a vice grip. The early days when he'd made the conscious choice of staying on the sidelines; the place he will remain at for the rest of their lives.

 

A wave of sadness came cascading onto him, yet he tampered it down with all his might. He wouldn't do this, not now. Not in front of everyone.

 

He looked at the crowd and managed to meet Gwija's eyes. She nodded at him encouragingly, as if to say that he could do this. He was strong enough to go on.

 

"People see you for the front you put up on television, but to me, you're just Jihyo." Jongkook swallowed then finally dared himself to meet her eyes.

 

God, those eyes; they radiated so much warmth it hurt.

 

"You're just Jihyo to me, Sooyeon-ah. The Jihyo who gives me massages during filming breaks. The Jihyo who would yell at me for yelling at her whenever she dieted too hard for an acting role." Jongkook narrated, laughing lightly into the microphone.

 

"Everyone here knows Jihyo for a multitude of things and I'm sure you all have a favorite version of her." Jongkook inhaled and continued on with his speech, still addressing the guests but he never tore his gaze away from her. "So far, my favorite version of Jihyo was the one who chose to offer me that ice pack 11 years ago."

 

He kept his eyes trained on hers, as if wanting to tell her something.

 

This is the last time I'll be held captive by those eyes, Jihyo-yah.

 

Permit me to do so one last time, but please don't feel burdened.

 

Do not ever feel burdened for my sake.

 

This is the last time, I promise.

 

He would allow the both of them to be released from everything that occurred in the past 11 years.

 

He would stop unknowingly burdening her with his feelings.

 

It felt like a punch to the gut, realizing that he was going to move on after this.

 

Los Angeles.

 

A new start.

 

Jongkook was pouring his every emotion into this impromptu speech and he wanted her to feel his sincerity, but she was merely looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

 

He could hear the murmurings of the crowd completely dissipate, carefully scrutinizing where he was going with his speech.

 

Shrugging off the dramatics, he tried to ease the tension by letting out a low chuckle. "Ask anyone who'd been with Running Man from the get-go, they'll tell you that she'd always been fidgety around us in the beginning, but despite her reservations, she still made the conscious choice to approach me and give me her own ice pack to relieve my back pain."

 

The crowd let out small noises of agreement, it wasn't so quiet now and Jongkook was relieved.

 

"Choices. Those are always difficult to make..." He trailed off, trying to get a grip on himself. He gathered up every ounce of sheer will he could muster to stop himself from saying what he truly wants to:

 

My choice was always you.

 

You are everything to me.

 

I realized what you meant to me a little too late.

 

I'll be okay.

 

You'll be happy and I'll be okay.

 

"We all make choices; sometimes it's the wrong one, but sometimes it's right and when you make the latter… god, it's everything." Taking a deep breath, Jongkook stared at the ceiling and counted to three. Then he looked at the crowd once more.

 

"The best thing about having someone by your side indefinitely is that no matter which path you take or choice you make, you know they will be there. No matter how much of a terrible choice you've made, they will be there by your side holding your hand anyway."

 

I wanted to be the one holding your hand.

 

"Jihyo-yah," He said in a low voice, looking at her once more. "You always make the right choices, this one shouldn't be any different."

 

Even though it wasn't me, I sincerely hope and pray that you've made the right choice.

 

You don't need the heartache.

 

You don't deserve it.

 

I want you to be happy.

 

"Be happy, Sooyeon-ah."

 

I love you.

 

"We love you." He smiled and then walked down the stage to reach for a glass of champagne. He extended his arm upwards and yelled in an overly-enthusiastic tone, he hoped it didn't sound variety-like. "Raise your glasses! To the bride and groom!"

 

The deafening cheers and clinking of glasses echoed within him. It was something you'd normally hear at wedding ceremonies, people think of it as a beautiful ensemble of sounds; a testament of the guest's positive hopes for the bride and groom.

 

However, to Jongkook, it felt like something he'd hear as he dreamt of things that could never happen anymore.

 

It was the sound which embodies his regrets, fears, and all the love he will never get the chance to make her feel.

 

Be happy, Jihyo-yah.

 

Be happy.

 

---

 

The Aftermath

 

Jongkook called up the Running Man members to stay for a while after filming. The members would've whined if they didn't hear the seriousness in his tone.

 

He'd heard Sechan approach Jihyo to ask her if she knew what Jongkook was going to tell them. Jihyo responded by glancing in his direction and muttering a soft "I don't know" to Sechan.

 

Jongkook was aware that she lied since he'd already told Jihyo of his decision last month during her wedding.

 

She guiltily looked away when she saw Jongkook quietly observing their exchange, but he didn't miss the way she looked at him with such a conflicted expression.

 

Like she was torn; stuck between a rock and a hard place.