It was a crisp afternoon.

 

They can see variations of orange, yellow, and maroon around them as they sit on the vacant swings on an empty playground at the heart of the city.

 

An autumn Thursday feels so strange as they do not see anyone, not even a child, lingering around the place, but Mina was quite quick to understand the reason why—as it was near dusk and everyone might went back to their own homes already.

 

Yet there they were, holding hands, as they wait for the magnificent sunset—their favorite view, their favorite part of the day (well, actually, not for Chaeyoung, as being with Mina is her favorite among them all).

 

They heaved a deep sigh, but Chaeyoung was just happy as the end of the week is near and therefore they can relax once again, not thinking about tomorrow and their deadlines, just having more time to sleep and more cuddles with their respective beds.

 

“What are you doing tomorrow, after work?”

 

“Me? Probably just lay down on my bed after dinner, why?”

 

“Should we catch some movies, yeah?”

 

“Sounds fun. Your place or mine?”

 

“Yours. I’ll cook some dinner for us.”

 

They were all set for a Friday night just cuddling and binge-watching some of their favorite movies. Chaeyoung will always be the one to initiate the act as she wants to keep on spending some time with her most favorite girl in the world that Mina will just laugh at her every single time she will say that line, think it’s funny when in reality, Chaeyoung meant every word that she has said and Mina just denies that it makes her heart flutter in any ways possible.

 

“You know, Mina. Some things are so alike”

 

“Like what?”

 

“You and the summers, both bring a ray of hope”

 

“Why are you suddenly bringing that up when autumn just started?”

 

“It’s because I thought of it just now. Look at the sunset, no matter what the season is, it’s still magnificent as it is.”

 

“I know, but why did you bring summer all of a sudden?”

 

“For the reason that your existence brings hope in my whole being”

 

The view in front of them was priceless, similar to Chaeyoung’s words and her oh, so sweet smile that Mina declares is her favorite thing in the world as of the moment.

 

It brings relief in her system—seeing how the girl will show her dimples to her and the genuine happiness she has that indeed is contagious and makes her heart happy, as well.

 

Everything about her is just so perfect and lovable.

 

As the sun comes down and Mina and Chaeyoung already stood up, but still holding each other’s hand, they look directly in one other’s faces and smiled.

 

“I’m so glad I’m here with you”

 

It was enchanting and absolutely gave butterflies in Mina’s stomach. Every word that Chaeyoung says gives an unknown yet exciting feeling to Mina, certainly one that makes her look forward for more interactions like that, for more moments like that in the future with Chaeyoung.

 

It was a simple sentence, but it makes Mina’s heart feels at ease. She never felt so appreciated in her whole life like that. She never felt so happy in her entire life like that, yet Chaeyoung never fail to eventually touch her heart.

 

She never knew that she has that impact on the girl as she all know is that she’s a nuisance to almost anyone. But Chaeyoung was different from them all because the girl has been the consistent one in making her feel that she has a vital role in this world and she’s essential as everybody is.

 

It was just even 2 years, yet Chaeyoung already makes Mina feels safe around her, feels so protected and supported. It feels like every single day that pass by, Mina keeps on craving for safety and assurance from the girl that the latter gladly gives her, that is the reason why she cannot stop her heart this time. 

 

Mina is a ray of hope for Chaeyoung. She represents the summer that brings the beginning to her all over again. She can feel how nice summer nights would be—like having a pool party with barbeques to celebrate special occasions. She can feel the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on trees and how it’s so amazing, it’s all coming to life more than ever. She’s the sunbeam that gives a warm embrace first thing in the morning, a yellow one that gives positivity. It seems like everyone is singing with joy and dancing with the waves as everything feels just so right and light.

 

With Mina, Chaeyoung thinks that she will never give up on everything as her existence constantly reminds her that there will always be hope in everything, just like how the summer gives a surreal and assuring feeling of warmth and blissfulness.

 

They go out every other day, sometimes every day if they can’t help but to run into each other unexpectedly on the streets and will gladly hold hands, as fast as lightning, and Chaeyoung will drive Mina back home after catching up on dinner.

 

They share private playlists with different moods, share items in their online shopping cart, share wasted dreams and achievable goals, share secrets and regrets, and gradually know everything about their whole being, memorizing the fragments of their soul.

 

They hold hands, shares short but sweet kisses on the streets in hidden places, but mostly on empty streets, gives comforting embrace, massaging temples when mad, casually putting a hand on the other’s leg to give comfort, cuddling at sleep overs, playing with their hair and fingers, and naturally putting a head on one’s shoulder with intertwined hands.

 

They just know a lot of things about each other that they just can’t seem to forget, no matter how trivial it is and Mina gives it a meaning because even just a little thing, Chaeyoung will remember how she once mentioned that she like penguins and ever since then, she keeps on gifting her penguin-related stuff or how Mina once said that she doesn’t want to eat nattō so she always remember not to order some whenever they eat in a Japanese restaurant.

 

They were in a casual relationship where they smoothly just admitted their feelings for one another, even if it is already obvious right from the start that they already have a mutual understanding.

 

They are happier to be with each other, more than ever, because it is as if they already don’t need to assume about every move they will take because they now have a label they can always remember about how their relationship will be in the long run.

 

It was fun and all, nothing much has changed since they were already acting sweet and intimate ever since they became close, the only thing that changed was the way they call each other’s name, not just by their first name, but different term of endearments that is totally music to Mina’s ears, adding the sweet and gentle tone of Chaeyoung.

 

Mina was honestly to risk everything just for Chaeyoung, was ready to give everything to the girl—her soul and whole being because she’s just so sure that Chaeyoung was meant for her, that she is her destiny, and she will end up with her, until the end.

 

They were enjoying one another’s company, helping each other to reach their goals and dreams, and always stay beside one another—to have and to hold, almost like a couple who is ready to get settled in life.

 

One night when Mina decided to give Chaeyoung a surprise dinner at the latter’s flat, they enjoyed the foods Mina has cooked for the both of them and the flowers Chaeyoung brought because she just had a hunch that Mina will have a surprise visit at her place (and she’s right about her gut feeling, often because of Mina).

 

They were just cuddling in the living room and listening to some classical music as they open the biggest window in the area to let the fresh air enter the apartment and watch the night sky gives a different comfort to their being.

 

“Hey darling. What do you think of meeting our friends this weekend and announce something about our relationship?”

 

“About that Mina…”

 

The older looked at her in the eye and was met by an unfamiliar gaze, it’s cold and awkward and Mina just want to end that moment quickly, like she unusually wish because she keeps on wanting to have a longer time with her girlfriend.

 

“Yeah, love?”

 

“Can we not come out yet and keep this relationship a secret from everyone?”

 

Mina already felt doubt from her system, as well as disappointment and sadness that eventually made her mood down and it was immediately noticed by the younger.

 

“Hey… I have my reasons and I respect that it seems like you don’t agree with this idea. Nonetheless, it’s because—“

 

“Chaeyoung, it’s okay.”

 

The older forced out a smile that made Chaeyoung feel guilty right away, but she knows how Mina can be considerate, particularly at times like that when she needs support and assurance that no matter what happens, they will still hold each other’s hand.

 

“No need to explain it further as I can somehow get the reason why you don’t want us to come out just yet. Just inform me whenever you’re ready, yeah? No secrets, no anger, and any other negativity. We’ll always be here for each other, hmm?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart”

 

As expected of Mina, she will always try to understand Chaeyoung along with the underlying consequences and bad judgment they will face if they will go out in public.

 

She knows how it can both affect them in all aspects, no matter how they will declare that they will be strong for each other and will not care about those comments the society will give them because at the end of the day, it’s still a fact that, that kind of relationship is still not fully accepted by humanity, no matter how they want to respect it, as it is unfair.

 

She knows how it can probably lead them to shallow fights until it become a big one and Mina just doesn’t want that to happen as she’s afraid to lose Chaeyoung.

 

She has been understanding of her girlfriend for a lot of times already and Mina just thinks that this is just yet the peak level she will do for the girl because, of course, she wants to be proud of her girlfriend, she wants the whole world to know how her partner is just so amazing, but she just can’t because Chaeyoung told her so.

 

Mina tried to understand her and the costs they might face, but she figured out that she eventually regretted choosing Chaeyoung over everything because she's scared.

 

Chaeyoung was scared when Mina thought she wasn’t. Chaeyoung was totally a coward because of that stupid decision when they can literally fight for one another and stand for their rights and their relationship because after all, it’s them, and not anyone around them.

 

She suddenly felt the changes that happened towards their relationship ever since that night. There’s an abrupt coldness in their atmosphere and a little more push, Mina will be used to it and will like it, compared to Chaeyoung’s warmth.

 

It was not fun at all.

 

If Mina will be talking to her past self, the latter will surely be disappointed with the present one because all she wants is to be happy with the person she love yet there she was, enjoying the way their relationship is going to be apart and broken in no time.

 

The excitement and spark just left, just like that. Everything that makes Mina look forward about everything with Chaeyoung disappeared like a bubble and she doesn’t know what to feel about it yet.

 

The sunset is not magnificent as it is before.

 

If in the past, they certainly enjoy every sunset they watch and spend with one another, in the past weeks, it feels like it’s just a plain moment for the both of them, particularly for Mina who enjoys watching it ever since she was a kid, but don’t feel any magic from it anymore, probably because her heart is breaking whenever she witness a sunset that is supposed to mean a ray of hope, one that makes her smile and make her heart at ease, but feels the other way around.

 

“Some things are so alike”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like you and the rain, both bring melancholy and despair”

 

Mina said in a tedious tone, not bothering to look Chaeyoung at the eye because what for? When it doesn’t give me the warmth I keep on longing for, the love I want to receive, and the comfort I want to keep having from her.

 

“Mina, if this is about our—“

 

“Chaeyoung, it’s okay.”

 

There she goes again with her same line and forced smile. Chaeyoung can already sense what will happen next, yet she keeps on hoping that there will be some last minute change of heart of Mina.

 

If Mina is like the summer to Chaeyoung when their relationship was just starting, Mina will compare the girl in the rain when their relationship was eventually near its end.

 

Chaeyoung is so cold like the rain, that even if the sound of it once comforted Mina (like Chaeyoung did), it will still scare her at the end because of possible thunder and lightning.

 

She was like the rain who gives deep sadness and pain in her whole system that she has the need to rest and take a break and everything to cure her heart that is crying so hard like heavy rains.

 

She was like those heavy drops who makes Mina feel that she carries the whole world on her shoulder and it gives her a huge responsibility of making herself stronger, no matter how hard the rain will be.

 

She was so sure that Chaeyoung was perfect and the right one for her, but she overlooked the fact that she can be hurt by loving too much.

 

“It’s fine as I am beside you.”

 

The present Mina will surely be laughing at her past self, saying that exact line to Chaeyoung.

 

She just wants to ask for how the girl deserves that kind of assurance and comforting words when they eventually wouldn’t work out?

 

It was meant to be a comfortable one, but why does remembering that particular line and the whole moment that happened that night when their first passionate kiss happened gives a tug at her heart?

 

She keeps on craving for Chaeyoung, wants the girl to keep staying by her side, but she doesn’t know that it also has some consequences.

 

Chaeyoung made Mina fall so hard and she was confident that the girl will love her no matter what and it was ridiculous.

 

Mina shouldn't risk everything for Chaeyoung and so when she finally realized her worth, she asked to meet the girl as soon as possible and break up with her once and for all.

 

Even if Chaeyoung was confused with that sudden act and really wants to hold Mina that moment because she might just lack of anything, probably physical touch, attention, or gifts, she just can’t because she knows Mina too well that if she decides for something, it’s already final.

 

And Mina knows she just did the right thing by breaking up with her because she just can't see the future with Chaeyoung, the heavy rain that happened in her life, the one who almost ruined her being, but made her strong and stand for herself.

 

Mina might love Chaeyoung for a certain period of time, but it doesn’t change the possibility that maybe, they’re really not meant to be.