I love you.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. I grab the opportunity to say it to you whenever we are together.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. They hold so much meaning that I expressed them to you with so much sincerity.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. I voiced them out to you just to witness your gummy smile that shines my day brighter than the sun could ever do.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. The truth that hides a hidden meaning behind it that you'll never realize.

 

 

 

"I love you, my wifey", I say as I gaze into your beautiful brown eyes that could easily melt anyone on the spot by staring at them.

 

 

 

"I love you too, my hubby", you reply as you show your infamous gummy smile that never fails to bring butterflies in my stomach.

 

 

 

I beamed at your words and let out a smile that made your smile wider. I chuckle at your adorable face.

 

 

 

You then stand up from the bench as we were watching the sunset that we always do before we go home. You reach your hand out for me to take.

 

 

 

I hold your small, soft hand that fits perfectly with mine and stand up looking down at your figure with a warm smile.

 

 

 

You unexpectedly hug me so tight as you bury your face in my neck. I automatically hug you back with the same intensity and gently your wavy hair.

 

 

 

The next words you murmur instantly bring me back to my cruel reality,

 

 

 

"I'm so lucky to have a best friend like you, Rosie."

 

 

 

Best Friend. That's all you see in me and that is the only truth you'll ever convey to me.

 

 

 

I plaster a fake smile and say the same thing to you. I bring you closer to me, hugging you protectively like I'm afraid to let you go in which I am.

 

 

 

I know the time will come that I need to finally let you go.

 

 

 

I couldn't help but to tear up a little bit. Luckily, I stopped them from falling down for you to not notice.

 

 

 

Afterwards, I tenderly cradle your face with my hands as they were caressing your mandu cheeks that I couldn't help but squish them. I stare at your hypnotizing eyes as I say the words with passion that adds more thick thorns in my fragile heart.

 

 

 

"I'll always be here for you, Jennie. Always. No matter what happens. I'm always here for you."

 

 

 

I'll always be there for you when you need me even though you will never be there for me when I need you.

 

 

 

"I know, Rosie. I'm thankful for you being there when I need you. I really am. I hope that someday, someone would love you and take care of you in the same manner you do to me everyday."

 

 

 

But you're that someone, Nini.

 

 

 

I smile sadly not at your fluttering words but to prevent myself from breaking down in front of you. I whisper the words that made my heart slowly shatters piece by piece.

 

 

 

"I hope so too." 

 

 

 

I hope that someone to be you...only you.

 

 

 

But that is just a dream. A dream that I  wish every night to come true. A dream. An impossible one.

 

 

 

How can you be so near yet too far to reach, Jennie? Why can't you love me the same? Why aren't you in love with me? Why can't you choose me? Why does it have to be you among all people? Why?? Just why?? Tell me, Jen.Tell me. You're killing me without you knowing it.

 

 

 

All these thoughts remain in my mind as I drive you back to your beloved home. But before you make your way to the frontdoor, I exclaim the words that came from my stupid heart.

 

 

 

"I love you to Infinity, Jen."

 

 

 

You sympathetically smiled at me and bid me goodnight. I watch you go until you were gone from my sight.

 

 

 

I gaped at the stars above shining down at me with so much sadness as it hits me. As if it was telling me to wake up from my misery. I looked up again but this time with my teary eyes that I did not care the tears streaming down my cheeks. I close my eyes embracing the coldness the night has given and sigh tiredly.

 

 

 

"She will never feel the same and that's final."

 

 

 

 

 

And that's fine. Your happiness is the most important thing to me. It's the only thing that ever matters in this world. So let me be your temporary happiness before you find your permanent joy when the time comes. Just let me love you for awhile before I let you be on your own searching for your paradise. Let me do this before we say goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

I kept my promise. I never intend to break promises even when they left me entirely broken but that's my choice to make. I did make that choice and I'm glad I did because she looks happier than ever. 

 

 

 

I love you

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. I lost you the moment I realized I was falling for you yet I didn't do anything to stop my feelings. How could I when you looked at me with warmth, tenderness, and fondness written all over your face? I wanted you so much but who am I kidding? Everyone else want you as much as I did. Each step I walked closer to you, I stepped two steps back to stop myself from claiming you right then. I lost when I never have your heart in the first place.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. I lie awake on my bed counting at the fake stars taped at the ceiling. My mind wanders through our memories that we made together. The first time we met was when you were wearing pants that had a hole on the that I had to put a jacket covering it which you accused me of being a ert, our constant bickering, the food fight, staying up all night singing 1D's songs, the nights you cried when you were stressed out, the morning and afternoon cuddles, the watching of sunset before going home, and me driving you to your house safely. The memories that made my heart flutter and break at the same time. I wonder how many nights will it take for my heart to be okay without her in my life?

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. You never said goodbye. Every night, I wished you would stay with me. I wished you stayed forever by my side. I wished you didn't leave me. I wished you told me the truth. That's all I ever wanted, the truth but you didn't. Words weren't needed for you anyway to tell me. You went away without telling me and took a piece of me with you. I don't blame you. I don't hate you, I love you too much to have the guts to hate you. I hope you're doing okay now. I hope you're feeling better than you ever were with me. I hope you found your paradise.

 

 

 

Three words. Eight letters. My love for you is indescribable. Words aren't just enough to let you hear how I feel. I keep on falling and falling for you every single time I look at your beautiful face. Beautiful, Astonishing, Alluring, Bewitching, Breathtaking, Captivating, Charming, Enchanting, Ethereal, Enticing, Gorgeous, Glorious and on and on and on. It would take years to describe you but what I really love about you is how you care so much about others and fight those who wrong them. You're so kind, loving, brave, and compassionate that you never fail to surpise me with your capabilities. Every moment with you happened so fast, I just want time to move slower so that I can appreciate you more as a person. Now that you're no longer with me, it feels like an eternity with no hope nor happiness. It never ends.

 

 

 

But I get it. I really do. You're moving forward and are living the life that you always wanted. A life where you make your choices without anyone controlling. A life where your dreams came true without anyone doubting or stopping you. A life where it isn't draining you with so much pressure. A life where you don't have to think about what others say about you. A life where you found your answered prayer, your paradise. A life where you're not rushing love to come to you. A life where you're focusing on yourself. A life where you have finally realized how to love yourself.

 

 

 

I'm beyond proud of the woman you have become, my dear best friend. I'm glad I let you go. I'm glad that you have found your permanent happiness even when I was not with you along the journey. You did so well and I hope to see you again if given the chance to. When that opportunity comes, I'll embrace you with all my love and profess,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you to Infinity, my Jennie Kim.