REVIEW: Infinitely Yours
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Review Request!
Requested by: silverlineReviewer: dubumints
Story: Infinitely Yours
Title: 5/10
The reason why I gave you this score was because your story gave off an infinite-feel.
As in the [Infinite Kpop Group] and not the [Taecyeon/Suzy tandem] feel that the story is actually focused on.
I'm not saying that it's a bad title, I'm sure you have a reason why you selected that, right? What I'm suggesting that you do is to rename the word infinite with something else such as:
Eternally (pertaining to the use of Infinitely as always, timely speaking.)
Forever
Endlessly (pertaining to the use of Infinitely as never-ending, as in it never runs out)
These are all just suggestions.
It's only because if I'm a Taecyeon/Suzy shipper, or a Milky Couple fan, I would probably just skip over your story because the title seem to have another set of characters.
Your tags are correct (which could attract the readers you're targeting) but remember, the title is always the first thing that a reader will see and judge.
Description/Foreword: 7/10
The foreword and description is very nicely made.
It's pleasing to the eyes, aesthetically speaking.
However, you have some grammatical errors.
Remember that once you have captured the reader's attention with your title, the foreword/description will be next in line. It's best to make this part as inviting and perfect as possible.
I took the liberty of correcting the errors for you. ^_^
Everything was fine before you came into my life
I was fine. I admired you and did my job as usual.
But then you changed my life, my whole life.
Now that I know that you were only here for her...
Now that I know that she was the one who broke your heart...
So why am I doubting when my wish finally came true?
Why is it you that is on my mind? - Suzy
--
I never fell in love with another girl.
I loved her. Only her.
She was the only perfect girl in my life,
but she broke my heart
Over the past few years,
I have been searching for the reason why she did it.
But when I finally found out the reason, I felt nothing.
Because the only thing inside my mind was this girl who was younger than me...
What happened? - Taecyeon
If my interpretation is wrong, then don't use this anymore. :D
Characterization: 15/20
The characters were properly introduced and their personalities, quirks, and habits were nicely written.
Although I must say, some of your characters' personalities are cliche. Like with Taecyeon being a toughie.
Suzy here though, is really quite cheerful which I guess is a nice change since she's usually portrayed in Kdramas as the haughty, y, but actually nice type.
You also wrote great supports for these two.
Plot: 14/20
The plot is not what I'll call a cliche, but it's still something predictable.
Be ready to put in twists to make the story more interesting!
Like maybe Jieun wants to take Taecyeon back just when Taec seems to be developing feelings for Suzy and this leaves him confused, after all, the one he loves in the first place is IU, but he can't resist Suzy either.
Yeah. Something like that. :D
Organization: 9/10
Easy to read and paragraphs were spaced properly.
Spelling and grammar: 6/15
Please don't get mad but there are really quite a lot of mistakes in your story.
Now, I understand that English isn't your first language, but I would suggest that you type in your chapters in MS Word first so that all the basic misspellings and grammar errors will be avoided.
I can comprehend the thought, but it can honestly get annoying.
It took me some time to read the whole thing because it actually makes me a little frustrated (I'm really sorry!) because of all the mistakes. Now if you're actually doing the MS Word technique, then I strongly suggest getting a proofreader because it's such a shame that people will not be able to appreciate your lovely story just because bad grammar gets in the way. D:
Aesthetics: 10/10
I like the poster, and the background is lovely.
The font type and colors were pretty and pleasing and not too overwhelming.
Bonus: 4/5
I've noticed that you already requested for a review from two other shops before this, I am hoping to see some more improvement in your grammar because your story is actually quite cute already. Just keep on working on it and I'm sure you will create better chapters in no time! :) Good luck! :D
TOTAL: 70/100
As in the [Infinite Kpop Group] and not the [Taecyeon/Suzy tandem] feel that the story is actually focused on.
I'm not saying that it's a bad title, I'm sure you have a reason why you selected that, right? What I'm suggesting that you do is to rename the word infinite with something else such as:
Eternally (pertaining to the use of Infinitely as always, timely speaking.)
Forever
Endlessly (pertaining to the use of Infinitely as never-ending, as in it never runs out)
These are all just suggestions.
It's only because if I'm a Taecyeon/Suzy shipper, or a Milky Couple fan, I would probably just skip over your story because the title seem to have another set of characters.
Your tags are correct (which could attract the readers you're targeting) but remember, the title is always the first thing that a reader will see and judge.
Description/Foreword: 7/10
The foreword and description is very nicely made.
It's pleasing to the eyes, aesthetically speaking.
However, you have some grammatical errors.
Remember that once you have captured the reader's attention with your title, the foreword/description will be next in line. It's best to make this part as inviting and perfect as possible.
I took the liberty of correcting the errors for you. ^_^
Everything was fine before you came into my life
I was fine. I admired you and did my job as usual.
But then you changed my life, my whole life.
Now that I know that you were only here for her...
Now that I know that she was the one who broke your heart...
So why am I doubting when my wish finally came true?
Why is it you that is on my mind? - Suzy
--
I never fell in love with another girl.
I loved her. Only her.
She was the only perfect girl in my life,
but she broke my heart
Over the past few years,
I have been searching for the reason why she did it.
But when I finally found out the reason, I felt nothing.
Because the only thing inside my mind was this girl who was younger than me...
What happened? - Taecyeon
If my interpretation is wrong, then don't use this anymore. :D
Characterization: 15/20
The characters were properly introduced and their personalities, quirks, and habits were nicely written.
Although I must say, some of your characters' personalities are cliche. Like with Taecyeon being a toughie.
Suzy here though, is really quite cheerful which I guess is a nice change since she's usually portrayed in Kdramas as the haughty, y, but actually nice type.
You also wrote great supports for these two.
Plot: 14/20
The plot is not what I'll call a cliche, but it's still something predictable.
Be ready to put in twists to make the story more interesting!
Like maybe Jieun wants to take Taecyeon back just when Taec seems to be developing feelings for Suzy and this leaves him confused, after all, the one he loves in the first place is IU, but he can't resist Suzy either.
Yeah. Something like that. :D
Organization: 9/10
Easy to read and paragraphs were spaced properly.
Spelling and grammar: 6/15
Please don't get mad but there are really quite a lot of mistakes in your story.
Now, I understand that English isn't your first language, but I would suggest that you type in your chapters in MS Word first so that all the basic misspellings and grammar errors will be avoided.
I can comprehend the thought, but it can honestly get annoying.
It took me some time to read the whole thing because it actually makes me a little frustrated (I'm really sorry!) because of all the mistakes. Now if you're actually doing the MS Word technique, then I strongly suggest getting a proofreader because it's such a shame that people will not be able to appreciate your lovely story just because bad grammar gets in the way. D:
Aesthetics: 10/10
I like the poster, and the background is lovely.
The font type and colors were pretty and pleasing and not too overwhelming.
Bonus: 4/5
I've noticed that you already requested for a review from two other shops before this, I am hoping to see some more improvement in your grammar because your story is actually quite cute already. Just keep on working on it and I'm sure you will create better chapters in no time! :) Good luck! :D
TOTAL: 70/100
Shoot me, will you? TT^TT I greatly apologize for being so late! ;A; That is why I am putting this shop on HIATUS. Omfgad, I'm really really sorry! /shot
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