It was a struggle between trying to stay awake while taking in the solution being explained.

“In order to find the determinant, we can use the Sarrus’ Rule or…”

The rest of the words were simply lost to the drones of everyone’s mind going silent, their drive to learn more diminishing with each passing second as they struggled to comprehend the solution. Count Yena in with the crowd as her mind drifted far away from the Sarrus’ Rule. Choosing to follow its own rules of not having to listen in to the mindless drones of the professor.

Till, she was far enough to recall the nightmare she went through, the night before. It wasn’t like her to remember dreams, much less nightmares for a cup of water simply watered her fears down. But this dream, it made her seem like she couldn’t distinguish the line of reality and her own worries trying to strangle her. In a frantic rush, she called Yujin. Afraid that this time, her worries would win the battle she’s been fighting.

The young Ahn picked it up, a blurry mess over the phone as she heard Yena heave a sigh of relief. The hushed worries of the words ‘you’re okay’ brought about an even more confused state of Yujin. Of course, it wasn’t like Yena to not make up white lies just to appease Yujin’s own worries. It was better that way for the both of them. Fortunately for the older caller, the younger one was exhausted, much less able to hold up a decent conversation without succumbing to sleep. Turning to look at the clock, it was about ten minutes before it reached three and a half in the morning, which brought about a constantly yawning Yujin over the speaker.

“Good night.” Yena bade her temporary worries farewell. It didn’t go past Yujin’s ears which sharply perked up, a big grin plastered on Yujin’s face as what Yena tried to imagine.

“It’s the first time you ever said ‘Goodnight’ before me.” Yujin pointed out, forcing Yena to recall all the phone calls she made, the conversations they held at night or the occasional wave on the street.

“I don’t say that?”

“Yeah.” Yena hears the other end remark despondently which brought about regret as the clock struck three and a half in the morning. Time had passed for her to realise that she hadn't been one to bid farewell to it.

“Oh.” Taking a pause to gather the words, Yena continues, “Then, I should say it more often.”

“Don’t force yourself to. Saying it once in a while is enough for me. Besides, hearing your voice. It’s way better than listening to my mom.”

It comforted Yena deeply, to know that Yujin felt at ease with her. It just feels like waiting for the fish to tug on your line, watching as the water slowly ripples beneath the constant rocking rhythm of the boat. Or like enjoying a cup of warm chamomile tea against your rough hands, admiring the cars that drive past on the expressway while the cool air of the darkness lulls you into a feeling of comfort that you long for after life.

“Is that so? Then, good night. Yujin-ah. My lovely Yujin. I hope she sleeps more and grows till she reaches the cei-”

The call ended with a beep, leaving Yena to chuckle to herself, tossing her head back onto her pillow as she snuggled deeper into bed.

A glimmer of hope, the one she had been clinging tightly on through the harshest of the emotions, growing at its own steady pace.

The glimmer of hope, she’s clinging onto as she faces the reality of having to answer a question that the professor had thrown out for the class. She had been notified of her minimal class participation in the morning, the loud notification serving as an alarm.

Not denying herself of the opportunity, Yena raised her hands to receive a marker in return, unaware of the fact that another hand raised itself on the other end of the room.

She ambled towards the whiteboard, her eyes narrowing down onto an approaching person. A very familiar face, with a name she wasn’t familiar with.

Yena had to admit, her counterpart’s style was quite chic for it complemented the beauty that displayed it. The black crop top from a lavish brand paired itself with a black denim shorts. The slightly creased blazer scored a point towards the casual section. The patterned shoes belonged to a brand that Yena was well versed in yet she barely donned any of their pieces. The J and C which intertwined with each other, a symbol set only for Jimmy Choo’s.

The face however was something that Yena had to admit was priceless as compared to the clothes, the fine lady donned. The downturned eyes which fixed it’s alluring gaze on the whiteboard, following the refined nose which held juniper browline glasses. As a finishing touch, plump apricot lips completed the oval face.

‘Damn, she’s really pretty. But I doubt she swings that way. ’ Ynea remarked as she returned her focus to the whiteboard, trying to recollect the answer she had formulated.

Just as she was down to the final answer, the lady propped herself against the whiteboard, a lurking gaze pinning her down.

“You're quite charming, aren’t you?”

‘What?’ Yena screams internally, trying to prompt her mind into writing down the final answer while struggling to replay the words. ‘Maybe, I heard it wrong. Let’s not get ahead with ourselves.’

“You’re a wonder up close considering you were the first to catch my eye in this class.” The unnamed wonder of the earth spoke her thoughts aloud, this time a little smirk edging on her face.

With a flushed face, Yena could barely comprehend a decent word for thanking the lady who complimented her. Without having any control over her own thoughts, she simply blurted out the first thought that came to mind.

“Sorry, I’m taken.” Returning her own focus to the board, Yena tried to block out the fact that the fine lady was getting closer, a presence that exuded something Yena couldn’t quite put her finger on. It was like the feeling of being a prey, knowing well enough that their predator is approaching, their jaws unhinged for their next meal.

A saving grace of the professor’s voice cutting in to have them return to their seats was enough to have Yena heave a sigh of relief as she returned, trying to calm her melting mess of emotions.

She listens on to the lecture which was drawing to an end as her phone notifies her, the little bubble of text raising her eyebrows in question as Chaewon messaged her in about two days, not counting the day that she had to confirm it was Yena she was truly texting.

From Kim Chaewon(Climate Change Energy):

Let’s eat jjim dak if you don’t have classes

At least have me pay for coffee at least

I feel bad for having you pay for me everytime

And hotteok too?

Of course

Goguma too if you want

It’s okay

I still have some at home

I’ll think about it before I pick you up

But I didn’t say I’d agree to go

You’ll still go either way

:)

I didn’t know I’m a female dog now

-_-

I’ll meet you at Blk 16 in about a minute

Professor Lee just dismissed us

Alright

Come safely

With a light chuckle escaping her lips, Yena strode off. It felt strange being cared upon despite being one who usually cared for others. But it felt nice, like the warm feeling of a salted caramel latte settling in her stomach, as she closed her eyes in comfort. Yena wished it would stay, however the bitter aftertaste of her past kept returning like a sore headache.

Sighing to herself, Yena trudged on till she found Chaewon waiting patiently, fiddling nervously with the cuffs of her black winter jacket as her own legs swung slowly in a constant motion, a way to bring some heat to her own legs in this particularly harsh winter.

“Ready to go?” Yena gestured towards the exit.

“Yeah.”

With that, Chaewon gently steered them towards the train, holding onto the cuffs of Yena’s jacket as a way for them to navigate through the lunch crowd.

And possibly navigate her way round the tunnels of Yena’s heart.

Yena hadn’t questioned Chaewon’s actions which had taken a plunge from that day. The day Chaewon spoke of an interest in pursuing the late night conversations they had, the meals they shared together the morning after and the feeling of conversing with someone who respected her tremendously in each meal they had. Things that Yena wished came immediately after the exchange of numbers but time was playing its sad mockery of a tune for her again.

Though her snide remarks and little actions such as drawing Yena’s chairs first before settling into her own or offering to walk Yena to the train station remained, they hadn’t had the physical affection that Yena was accustomed to from a Chaewon she had envisioned. But if it meant, being able to spend more time with Chaewon, having her slowly introduced to her own groups of friends and finding comfort on one’s shoulder. Then Yena was willing to wait like how Chaewon was willing to wait for the open wounds of their individual’s past to heal from lovebites.

Like the first law of thermodynamics.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed in a system of a constant mass.

However, it can be converted into other forms aside from its own.

Yena knew her patience would eventually be rewarded with something she can look back on as a fond memory. The energy she would devote to this relationship is only tied to one system, the only question is whether Chaewon would reciprocate it which bothered Yena deeply.

Every step she takes forward physically, her own heart skips back three steps, afraid that the past will knock on the door. This time, a little harder than she was used to.

She recalled as each step she took forward in the past magnet, the own ropes round her conscience tightened thrice around it.

This time round, Yena was afraid that it would tighten around herself till she just might resign herself to the fact that she isn’t capable of loving someone. Not even her own self.

However, Chaewon’s little gestures that came along in the restaurant they were dining in proved that perhaps, Yena could believe in the fact she could love someone else. Even if it meant herself only.

She watches as Chaewon flattens down a hole in a bowl of steaming white rice with her own spoon, gently pressing on the crevice as though the entire structure would collapse. Following it, her own eyes trailed the same spoon which scooped bite sized pieces of braised chicken, steam coming off as Chaewon lightly peppered it with bits of bright red chilli peppers, serving as a reminder of how comforting the dish would be in this frosty weather. Chunks of potatoes and carrots joined in this fiesta bowl as Yena could salivate, imagining the flavour explosion in .

Impatient, she reached out for the bowl only for her hands to be slapped hastily by Chaewon who gave a disapproving scowl before it turned into an apologetic expression.

“I hadn’t put the noodles in your bowl.” Chaewon explained as she wiped the bowl, soaking up the sauce that Yena would have off shamelessly.

“Just keep it in the big bowl. That way the noodles can soak up the remaining sauce. It’s way better that way.” And with that, Yena snatched the bowl from Chaewon’s hold.

Blinking in confusion, Chaewon struggled to comprehend the fact that Yena had already placed two heaping spoons into her own mouth before a delighted moan escaped her lips.

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