I lost her again. Just like before. It was without a word. Only this time it’s more painful. Maybe because I felt I may have a chance. We may have a chance.  No one knows where she is. All we know is that, she is somewhere still having her counselling. We tried asking her whereabouts, her doctor knows, but he won’t be budged. I hate him. But I hate myself more for not being able to do anything.

Two years later...

She felt nervous. Her dreams, it’s all in her hands. She finished her novel. The one she promised to make, for herself, for Yeon Hee and for Ah In. The one novel that she has created inside her thoughts for a long time. And as promised, she will come back. Face her fears. And make amends. She knew. That day would come. Her daily counselling had helped her regain her confidence, somehow she find the strength to fight the ill thoughts that dwelled inside her way back when Mr. Kim died.

Fans are queuing to get her autograph. One by one, she signed them. It was very hot, and the numbers of people wanting to get her sign their books seems to be increasing instead of decreasing. But she doesn’t feel tired.

That night she slumped at the sofa as soon as she reached her condominium. Her bags were already packed. She smiled. It has been long. Two years. Her wounds, their wounds, maybe it’s not yet healed. She is not sure if she is ready to face them again. But one thing is for sure, she already accepted the fact, about her being adopted. Her mother, her past, everything. She smiled. Somehow she missed her strict father. The sweet morning call from her mother. And the ever so loud voice of Bom. She missed home.

She reached for the remote control and switched the tv on. There welcomed her tired eyes was a red haired guy promoting her book. He was saying that it’s a work of art. And then her eyes went big as he boldly said, “I’m still your poet.”

He has read the book for the nth time. He knew it was her who wrote it. Two years, that long of a time has not made his feelings for her fade or even decrease. The world around him revolved. Yoona, Seunghyun, everyone has started forgetting, getting back to the track.

From time to time, he would give Ah In a call even though it crushes his big ego. However the guy never gave him information worth hearing. He also visits the cemetery, his old school, Dara’s house at the province and the craziest thing he ever done was visiting Jaejoong.

The guy was so shocked that he asked him about Dara. Then a punch landed on his face. The last thing he wanted from that person, he don’t even know what it’s about. “Bastard! I already gave in because I thought of her!” Never again he visited him. 

###

The queue is so long. Everyone wanted a sign from her. I don’t know that she has already flown back here in our country from Japan. She has really made it big. I am really thankful that Bom became TOP’s fiancé, if not for them, I wouldn’t know that she is already here. I hope the tide has already died down.   

I clutched the book tightly in my arms as go near her. Tiredness can’t be seen within her eyes. Maybe she really loves the attention she is getting, that finally she has written her novel. Also, she looked as dashing as before. Her aura has somehow changed, from being that cold Dara, she seemed to become warmer. Maybe.

Just then, the person in front of me started panicking. I looked around only to realize that the signing session has stopped. My unlucky day.

I looked for her but she is already escorted to her car. I dashed to her side however the guards beat me to reaching even before shouting for her name. This day. This plan is pretty much unsuccessful. But it’s not the time I should be sulking. Dara is already here. All I need to do approach her. I should do this!

Her car started moving, I quickened my pace to my car to be able to get a hold of her, or even just trail her. My chest is bursting with excitement, anxiousness, and yearn to see her. To hold her. To talk to her. And to ask her.  

Her car stopped near the beach. Dara alighted from the car gracefully. I can’t help but admire her more. The place seems to be very relaxing. Not far from where she parked her car, I parked my too. My excitement died down as I saw her talking to Jaejoong. Did they talk to meet? Did they continue to communicate all this years?

My head dropped thinking those lousy thoughts. How idiotic am I? I love her. And the question I wanted to ask should have been asked years years before. And maybe it’s too late to ask now.

“Poet.”

I turned my head to meet her gaze. Dara’s gaze. Was it longing that I saw? Or am I being delusional again?

“You’ve come the long way here, you want my sign?” she said while her lips pouting towards the book I’m still firmly holding within my sweaty palms.

I smiled. I gave her the book. While she signed my book, I keep on looking at her then to Jaejoong and then back to her. Jaejoong on the other hand just calmly watched her sign the book. Maybe she noticed me looking at Jaejoong. So she stopped midway then uttered “Missed Jaejoong?” I just smiled. On her side, Jaejoong awkwardly smiled too. Just then someone called Jaejoong, maybe his manager or something. He then left the two of us.

“So..” Dara trailed.  

“Yes?”

She started untying her shoes and walked barefooted. I watched her as she enjoy walking on the sand. She looked back at me so I followed her, even imitated her, walked bared footed.

“You’re really just going to ask for my autograph?”

I shook my head. “Actually I wanted to ask you something.”

“What about?”

The sand kept on tickling my feet. Also, the freezing sea persistently teased my feet until it successfully embraced it fully.

“How are you?”

She grinned. “Just that?” she teased. “I’m very much fine now.”

“Jaejoong..” I hesitated.

She dipped her small hands in the sea. She played with it while I waited for her to answer. Just then she sprinkled the salt water onto me. I trembled. I then started running after her to get my revenge.

When I caught her, I pulled her into my arms firmly. Steadily. Not wanting to let go. “Was it true?” she asked.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” I don’t know but I just blurted it out as soon as she asked. I am not being defensive but it’s just that. I don’t know.

She laughed so hard at my response. “You never change.”

“Eh.”

“It’s the same answer that you gave me when I asked you about Yeon Hee.” she explained.

I smiled. I slowly let her go to face her. “I guess so.” I answered looking at her directly in the eyes.

She did not blink or try to avoid my gaze. “You’re still my poet?”