Chaeyoung checked herself one last time to see if her outfit matches today’s mood and when she saw that it’s already just right and she already assured herself that the person she will see will love what she is wearing, she is satisfied and checked the flowers in her hand before she fully went to her car and prepared to go to her destination that day.

 

It was a sunny day and Chaeyoung was loving the atmosphere, adding the fact that the radio is currently playing some refreshing songs that adds to the goodness of the mood. It made her smile, though it’s the first time in a long while. She just thinks that she woke up on the nice side of her bed and feeling good about herself.

 

When she arrived at her destination after a 20-minute drive from her apartment, she smiled at herself and breathed the fresh air. She feels excited to her agenda for that day because she will see her special person again, after being separated for less than 24 hours. She can say that she’s that clingy, but she can’t help it because she loves being touched by the person and feeling her warmth towards her body.

 

“Hi, Mina! I know you’re not asking, but I actually had a bad day at work yesterday and seeing you here today makes me feel lighter than ever before. You already know that you always make me feel better, right?”

 

She immediately felt the warmth the girl always offers and it made Chaeyoung feel that she’s protected and safe because of the girl’s existence.

 

“I know. Now, tell me more. Why did you have a bad day at work?”

 

“Hmm. It’s most likely because everything’s not going into right places, like I expected it to be. Now that I’m venting it all to you, I just realized that maybe it’s partly my fault because of my expectations, but I just want everything around me to be perfect, so I’m doing my best, but everyone’s not just cooperating with me”

 

“Is that so? If that’s the case, don’t beat yourself up too much, Chaeyoung. There will always be some days where everything seems not just right according to your plan, but trust the process, and most importantly, trust yourself. I believe in you, Chaeng.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

It made Chaeyoung smile and felt assured that someone got her back, no matter how bad her mood was. She then continued enjoying the warmth the girl is giving her and closed her eyes for a while to capture that very moment.

 

“Hi, Mina! I encountered a kid at the park today before going here at your place and the little girl was so nice because she gave me some strawberry ice cream.”

 

It was yet another day and Chaeyoung went back to visit Mina at her place like she usually does.

 

“You know strawberries are my favorite, right?”

 

“Strawberry is your favorite.”

 

The girl said the same time as Chaeyoung mentions the phrase she has said, it made the latter giggle because Mina indeed knows everything about her, including the things she likes the most.

 

“Ah, I’m flattered, you still know my favorite. And the ice cream was so delicious that I had a little chat with the little girl while she waits patiently for her Mom to fetch her up because she’s already done playing with random children at the park. She asked me why did I went there when I already look like an adult”

 

They both chuckled as Chaeyoung continued her story.

 

“It was yet the first time that someone said that I look like an adult instead of saying I look like a kid and the little girl saw the happiness I was feeling a while ago because it was evident in my wide smile and I just said that I like to go there to relax while watching some kids play because it makes me forgot the cruelty of the world for a moment and the girl surprisingly understood me”

 

“Wow. She’s already mature as a kid”

 

“Really. That’s why it was so lovely to meet her today and thought that it would be nice to share it to you because I can foresee your reaction about that little sweet girl.”

 

A gummy smile was formed in Mina’s face and it sure was Chaeyoung’s favorite in the world.

 

The next day passed by quickly and Chaeyoung was yet again at Mina’s place to talk about random things.

 

“Hi, Mina! I almost got fired at work today…”

 

There’s sadness in the atmosphere and Chaeyoung let it stay for a moment because she wants to reflect on what she has done and what she could improve just so she can stay and prove herself that she is deserving to stay.

 

“I was thinking if I’m really doing my job well or is it because I just want the money that I’m getting monthly. These days, I feel lost and empty, I really don’t know the exact reason, though”

 

Chaeyoung then felt a hand rubbing her back and it form a small smile on her face.

 

“Thank you for being there, Mina. Thank you for always listening to my unending stories, even if most of it are just nonsense and doesn’t even concern you. I just like telling trivial things to you, you know? It makes me feel like I have someone I’m really comfortable with because I’m not embarrassed to say all these things to you probably because I know you won’t judge me”

 

“And I will not indeed judge you because I’m not in the right place to do so. Besides, you do you, I will just always be here to listen to your stories”

 

The girl always makes her feel that she’s not alone and she always expresses how she appreciates Chaeyoung’s existence through her words, most particularly, her warm embrace that is Chaeyoung’s personal favorite, beside her gummy smile.

 

Another day has passed and Chaeyoung was beside Mina again telling her yet another story of what happened to her day.

 

It’s the weekend and Chaeyoung decided not to have some overtime at work because she wanted to spend some time with her friends before going to Mina as her last stop for the day.

 

She felt light and wonderful that day, spending her Saturday not in front of her computer, but in front of delicious foods she hadn’t eaten for a long time, along with a variety of stories from the different parts of South Korea told by her friends.

 

“Hi, Mina! I’m here yet again to tell you what happened to me today. And guess what?”

 

“What?”

 

“I reunited with my friends after a very long time and I had so much fun today! I’m just a little sad that I need to leave early because I promised to come back to you every single day.”

 

“Hey, now I feel bad. You should’ve spent the whole day, even the whole weekend, with your friends.”

 

“But don’t feel bad about it, there’s nothing to worry about. I assure you, it’s really okay. And besides, there will always be next time for us to reunite once again, once our schedule permits us again”

 

“But there will also be a next time for us to meet, you also know that right, Chaeyoung?”

 

“I know that there will be a next time for the both of us and I can literally come back here anytime soon, but I just can’t break my promise of seeing you every single day I have in my life. That’s how special you are to me, Mina”

 

“Sweet. Do you have any wish or something?”

 

“And no, it’s not like you’re thinking. I’m just really expressing what I feel for you. I actually feel so good this weekend because of my friends and because of you.”

 

The next day passed and Chaeyoung was seen yet again next to Mina, but with a whole different mood from the first day she decided to see her every day that is with a wide smile on her face.

 

“Mina, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I might be crazy at this point, but I don’t really feel anything. It’s as if there’s emptiness in me. I don’t know if I feel sad or lonely or wants a companion or wants to be held. I just want it to stop, I want to get out of this phase.”

 

“Hush now, Chaeng. I’m here. I will always be here, okay? Relax, breathe in, breathe out. It’s okay, I’m here”

 

“I don’t have any idea if you already felt like this in your whole life, but regrets and disappointments suddenly crumple in my mind, those crashed dreams and goals, the sadness and feeling of being unwanted, the state of having no purpose, no direction and as if suddenly losing everything.”

 

“I got you, Chaeyoung. I always got you”

 

“I’m scared, Mina. I’m scared that I might actually lose everything and nothing will be left for me in the end. I might sound selfish, but I don’t want to lose you, Mina. I don’t want to lose you, just you. Everything can be taken away from you, but not you.”

 

“Chaeyoung, look at me. Baby, only look at me, okay? I’m here, you’re safe, I got you”

 

The younger then started crying and feeling how her heart breaks into million pieces, even without a particular reason. She can feel how hurt she was and how wasted she was at that moment, but Mina was with her the whole moment she was breaking down.

 

The next day though, when Chaeyoung visited Mina once again, it was like an extension of her breakdown because the clouds suddenly decided to be one with her emotions and brought her some heavy rains and thunderstorms that Chaeyoung’s umbrella already gave up so she ran fast to the nearest street shelter and decided to just meet Mina there because she might not have enough time to be with her because of her paper works she needs to work on back in her own flat.

 

“Mina, my heart is crying today, just like the heavy rains and I don’t know what to do about it. The rain suddenly made me of think of the regrets I have in life”

 

Mina sighed and immediately put her hand to rub Chaeyoung’s back and let the girl start her story of the day.

 

“I regret not hugging the people I cherished the most in life. I regret not telling them that I love them and I care for them. I regret not showing my appreciation for their existence. I regret not supporting them enough. I regret not being there by their side when they were literally struggling and asking for help. I regret not holding their hand tighter. I regret not keeping them so close to me and show how special they are to me. I regret not spending some time with them when I already know that their days are numbered. I regret every single thing not doing something for the people I love.”

 

A thunder was heard and it made Chaeyoung’s heart skipped a beat as she was scared of the sound, but continued crying and feeling the pain in her chest because she can’t take it anymore.

 

“Chaeyoung.”

 

“Mina, I regret about everything.”

 

“Love, it’s okay. It’s really okay. You should forgive yourself as they have already forgiven you. I’m sure of it. It’s okay, Chaeyoung”

 

When Chaeyoung went back the next day, the darkness in the atmosphere still continued that Mina immediately gave the girl a tight hug because she can see the younger about to break down for the third time that week and it certainly breaks her heart seeing her like that, that’s why she hopes that she can at least lessen the pain by letting her know that she will never leave her side.

 

“I miss you more today, Mina.”

 

There’s emptiness in Chaeyoung’s voice and Mina can feel the sadness the girl is currently feeling.

 

“Even if I keep on seeing you every single day, I woke up a while ago missing you so much than usual. And that’s why I’m back here, cherishing the way you hug me so comfortably to remove all the sadness away and that’s only one of the things I love about you.”

 

Chaeyoung delicately closed her eyes for a moment before she continued what she was about to say to the girl in front of her, still giving her the warmest embrace she could offer the younger.

 

“Mina, there’s so many things I love about you and that’s what I’m talking about to you today. You’re the only one I could ever love in this life. It’s not just about your sparkling eyes, nor pointed nose nor kissable lips, nor soft cheeks nor the adorable moles you have. It’s also not just about your warm hands and tight hugs and comfortable words. But because it’s you. Mina, I love you because you’re you and I love everything about you, including your flaws and imperfections.”

 

It instantly made Mina’s tears fall from her eyes and Chaeyoung was quick to kiss it all away from her.

 

“I love your gummy smile. I love it when you’re happy and excited about literally everything. I love how your eyes get bigger and brighter when you’re about to eat your favorite food or hear your favorite song. I love how you suddenly compliment strangers whenever we’re on a date. I love how you keep on complaining about the coffee you’re ordering, but enjoying it anyway because it’s your favorite. I love how your hands are quick to find mine and intertwine it. I love how you capture every moment in your life through photographs. I love how you extend your hand to those in need without even realizing that you’re really a big help.”

 

They’re both crying already and the clouds are already giving them a sign that it’s about to rain once again.

 

“Mina, you’re a precious gem I will always take care of because you’re worth everything. I love you and only you, but I’m still not ready to let go and move forward”

 

Chaeyoung took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down because she might pass out any moment if she will keep on crying and having heavy sobs and screaming in between because she’s feeling the pain in her chest once again after saying those narratives in front of the girl she loves the most.

 

She was yet reminded again of what happened that very day she will not forget in her whole life. It was Sunday and was enjoying her sleep on the couch and suddenly woke up from her deep sleep when saw that it’s almost morning. However, the machine in the hospital room she is currently staying at, is making an unusual sound that made her press the emergency button real quick.

 

Mina has been hospitalized for over a week already that time because of her heart disease and the symptoms she has been feeling for over a month. Chaeyoung just insisted on taking her to the hospital because her loss of appetite keeps getting worse, along with heavy breathing and severe cough.

 

They were rushing her in the emergency room and Chaeyoung doesn’t care if she forgot to wear her robe and just wearing her pajamas because her priority is Mina’s health. Yet, going to their destination, the girl in the bed suddenly felt something bad again and the doctor already knew that she is currently having a cardiac arrest so way before they reach the ER, they already performed an initial solution for the girl to survive but everything happened just so fast right before Chaeyoung’s eyes and the next thing she knew is that the nurses and the doctor is already giving the girl a deep bow.

 

“Time of death: 4:27 AM, 1^st of August 2021. We’re sorry for your loss, Miss Son”

 

It was a fever dream. Chaeyoung can feel her whole world tremble hearing those words from the doctor way before they reach the emergency room. Heck, her initial reaction was to cry without any sound, hold her hands together and put it in her chest while already sitting on the floor.

 

She cannot afford to look at the poor Mina, who doesn’t even had the chance to say goodbye to her loved one. Chaeyoung knows that the girl fought for how many weeks and doing her best to survive, but she might not know that the girl suddenly felt tired and weak, and so just let her body give up.

 

It made Chaeyoung immediately regret about everything because she indeed stayed beside Mina, but she never knew what she’s truly feeling inside and she hates the fact that she never told her how much she love her so much and she will only be the girl she will love for the rest of her life.

 

Another day came and Chaeyoung went back to Mina with a bouquet of flowers in hand and a bright smile on her face.

 

It was a great day and the whole place was peaceful that Chaeyoung loves.

 

“Hi, Mina! I’m back yet again for another day. How are you today? Are you feeling good there? Well, I hope you are.”

 

She felt a wind in her direction and immediately reminded of how nice Mina’s hug was when she was still by her side.

 

“Time flies so fast, right? Yesterday, we were just in the hospital and we’re already here now. I just want you to know that I’m proud of you, Mina. You fought hard and you deserve eternal rest.”

 

Chaeyoung stared at the grave in front of her and smiled.

 

“You’re still beautiful as ever. I miss you again and every day, Mina”

 

A tear escaped her eyes and she immediately wiped it off, trying to look brave in front of Mina because she knows how the girl might feel bad knowing that she’s already not there to make her smile and not feel bad about her passing away.

 

“It’s already been a year, Mina and I’m still missing you. I’m still not able to move forward, I’m still not ready to let go, love. I just want to stay with you but I know you can’t stay with me.”

 

She took a deep breath and continued.

 

“I’m sorry for all the things I never noticed, baby. I’m really hoping that you’re having the rest you keep on wanting, and I hope that you’re already doing fine there, wherever you are.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Even if I keep on missing you, I respect your decision. But nothing changed, I still love you the way you are, Mina.”

 

“And I love you, too”

 

“I’ll come back again, okay? I promise to keep on coming back to you, love.”

 

She whispered in the wind as she hugs herself, pretending to hug the girl that she has been doing for a year now.

 

Ever since that happened, Chaeyoung promised herself to keep on visiting her and tell her random things about her day like she usually does when Mina was still alive because it gives her the kind of comfort she only receives from Mina. It makes her feel lighter because it’s as if Mina was still there with her, even if she’s literally just talking to the wind every single day.

 

It’s because she believes that if she keeps on doing it, she will earn how to cope and eventually move forward, but never forget about the love of her life, even if it hurts her and make her cry, as she just want to be with her in every moment in her life.

 

“I love you, Mina. Forever and always.”

 

Every individual might have different ways to express the grief they are feeling, but for Chaeyoung, it is just talking to Mina until she eventually can’t anymore. Nevertheless, one thing is for sure, Mina is gone, but she will never be forgotten and will always be loved by Chaeyoung.