It was pouring when I got home. The slight drizzle formed shallow puddles on the sidewalk. My coat was damp, and it was damn freezing.

 

Glancing over at my watch, I see that it's right on time for dinner. I can't help but smile. I was home. Nothing else is a relief other than being home. My work was demanding as a lawyer. Often I would be late for an hour or two, and by the time I arrive, my girlfriend is asleep, and the meal has gone cold. But not this evening, it seems. It's one of those fortunate moments that we get to eat together.

 

Stepping onto the porch, I noticed the lack of lights by the living room window, as if nobody was home.

 

Was she asleep?

 

I opened the door, and indeed no one was there. Sighing, I placed down my suitcase and shrugged off my jacket. Strange, her shoes by the door were missing.

 

"Honey? I'm home!"

 

Our home, though small, was as warm as Christmas Eve, pictures filled with toothy smiles and pleasant backgrounds. Souvenirs and decorations from the countries we've visited were littered all over. Fractions of memories are stored in these little trinkets; they always have a story to tell. I wonder where our next vacation spot will be? I should take her somewhere sunny.

 

Then a soft glow came about in the dining area. The lights overhead were a reddish sunset, and the table was set with dishes of potatoes and drinks. She must be preparing our dinner. A low humming, something like a gentle song, chimed in from the kitchen. I grinned once again, cheeks hurting and all. My beloved darling. Always so lovely, in her little ways. I took my time going to her.

 

Her back was turned to me, and it was obvious that she was lost in her own world. She wore a patterned dress and her hair was braided.

 

If I could only take a picture, with her like this, in her element and doing the thing she loves—I would. I'd take a hundred photos, even. But unfortunately, dinner is waiting.

 

I wrapped my arms around her waist, letting my head fall on her shoulder, vanishing more into her body. She yelps, dropping whatever she was holding. We laughed, and nothing else mattered. Like nothing can ruin this. Gently squeezing our bodies together, I closed my eyes in content. I looked over to what she was cooking: honey-glazed salmon. One of our favorites.

 

"I didn't hear you come," she whispered.

 

"I'm here now." I pinched her sides. And she gasped again, telling me to off. But I know she never means it, not when her hand is gripping me firmly, almost as if they’re telling me to stay. Truly, nothing else mattered. At least at this moment.

 

"Smells good," I said. She was always so adventurous with cooking. Sometimes it'll be off, but I'd love every dish she'll make. Hell, she could even serve me uncooked meat and I'd still eat it like it was a special menu item.

 

"I had a feeling you'll come home early."

 

"Mhm. Thank God I did. Or else I'll miss this."

 

"It's not like I'm going anywhere." I chuckled when she said that. Of course, she was my Chaeyoung. And I was her Lisa. Leaving each other would be the most abominable thing. I can't even imagine it happening.

 

"Oh, I was talking about salmon," I joked around.

 

She elbowed me right below the rib. I pinched her sides again, eliciting a burst of childlike giggles. It was melody to my ears.

 

"Meanie. Get out of here, would you? You're going to make me burn the fish." I kissed her on the cheek, then a slap on the bum before I went on my merry way.

 

 

At dinner, it was quiet. There was only the clattering and scrapes of ceramics. It's been so long since I've tasted home-cooked salmon. I chowed down at the meal like it was my last supper, not minding how nasty I looked. Chaeyoung must've been watching me, since she's now laughing behind her wine, pointing at me all lively. I blew her a kiss, to which she blocked away. We bicker a lot like that. And it never gets old. It wasn't too long before our dinner was filled with laughter.

 

I was picking at the potatoes. She placed her glass down before asking.

 

"How was work?"

 

I shrugged. Frankly, I never enjoyed talking about work. It's a great pay and all—but it's something you don't bring home, you know.

 

'"T'was fine. How are the kids? Messy?"

 

Chaeyoung works as an art teacher downtown. She may not be vocal about it, but I could tell how much her job means to her. Sometimes I'd come home, and she's all set and ready for bed. I'd see faded smudges of paint on her skin and have bags under her eyes. But you know what? Chaeyoung never complains. How hard those little rascals can be, how their parents can be entitled pricks. Instead, she'll say how someone gave her a 'thank you' card. She pursued the job because she simply adores kids, and had the drive to teach them.

 

Her pure heart and gentle soul are one of the things I love about her. Next to her cooking, of course.

 

"You know how they are, rowdy and cute as always."

 

"Mhm..." I nodded, listening while I ate these sweet potatoes. Man, I'd never get tired of these.

 

"Oh, and Jisoo! Remember Jisoo?"

 

Hell yeah, I do. She's Chaeyoung's headache from morning 'till noon. I wonder how that kid's holding up. It's almost as if she was brought into existence just to cause damage.

 

"Well, there's this new kid in class, named Jennie. The moment she came it's like, she and Jisoo formed this strange link. They're more chaotic together!"

 

"Really?" I said with a mouth full. "God, now you're handling two pains in the asses."

 

She gasps, eyes scolding. "Lisa! Don't say that!"

 

I rolled my eyes. "Why not? C'mon admit it—you've thought about chucking them out of the window, or something like that."

 

"Don't. Say. Such. Mean. Things!" For each word, she gave me a good smack in the arm. I retracted my hand away, now sore and red.

 

"Ow!"

 

"They're just kids, you know. Let them be their little selves. And I don't think about, chucking them out the window, or whatever you just said!"

 

She huffed, shifting her attention back to her plate. I could see a small smile creeping on her face like she remembered a funny thing.

 

"It's nice to see Jisoo having someone with the same energy as her. She might be naughtier than the other kids, but she means well. With Jennie by her side—I don't care what mess they'll bring. They're just having fun."

 

Okay, now I feel a little guilty. I sighed. What can I say? This is what you get when your girlfriend's a living saint. A beautiful one at that, too. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.

 

"Fine. I guess you're right." I shrugged, getting another round of those potatoes. "But if they give you a migraine, I'm throwing them out the window."

 

Chaeyoung laughed, and she glowed for a moment there—is this what it looks like when you make an angel laugh? I mirror her joy. I can't help it. She was infectious that way. She leaned across the table, planting a chaste kiss on my lips. And my heart leaped, like when we first met.

 

"You're always a sweetie, aren't you?"

 

"I try." I winked.

 

 

After that hearty meal, Chaeyoung brought out these chocolate-covered strawberries. They look scrumptious, though I only ate a few. I watched her gobble up half of the tray. Her cheeks puffing up the more she ate, and I can see her eyes twinkling in delight. She sure loves to eat. I bet if we weren't together, she'd just eat and eat because it's her second love. What a chipmunk. My chipmunk. And God, I love watching her in this raw, careless self. There's something endearing about her doing these menial tasks. I don't know why it softens me. Maybe it's simply because I love her.

 

"Lis..." Chaeyoung said suddenly.

 

I hummed in response. She puts down the strawberries, looking at me dead in the eye.

 

"We have to talk about it." Her hand came around so it could wrap around mine. I stayed still, blinking at her like she's gone crazy.

 

For a moment, we didn't speak. While I couldn't, she just kept staring at me. Waiting for my reply. But I didn't know how. I truly don't.

 

"Chae..." I looked away. Meeting her in the eyes once more would kill me. I know it will.

 

"We can't keep avoiding it." She clenches more. I hated how her voice was bordering on pleading. I never want her to beg. Yet here we are.

 

"Sure we can," I snapped. Standing up, I let the chairs slide on the floor. I piled our dishes together, and I know she's watching me with those eyes.

 

"Please, Lisa." Chaeyoung was stern this time. I didn't budge.

 

"Give me some time."

 

"Stalling it will do us no good. It's now or never."

 

"Let's do it sometime else."

 

"You're always saying that. You just don't want to face the t—"

 

"It's not that I don't want to face it! I just don't want to face it now."

 

"Listen to me, I—"

 

"Can't we just have a nice evening for once?!" I didn't mean to shout that loud. I really didn't. But the way she was getting into my head, pushing me into this boundary I don't like, irked me. "I come home, wanting to have a nice dinner with you. I don't want to talk, especially about that, I just want to..."

 

I took a deep breath in.

 

"I just want some peace and quiet. Can't we have that, Chaeyoung?"

 

I faced her.

 

She didn't look angry, nor anything at all. Maybe a little sad, but at this point, I can't tell what she felt. Her eyes were these huge foggy mirrors, and they felt unreachable. Chaeyoung looked away, and in a quiet voice, she whispered.

 

"Sure. We can."

 

I placed our plates down, and I went on my way to her. Taking her in, I caressed her hair, pouring every bit of my regret into our embrace. What else can I do? I already said enough.