Choi Siwon was always calm, no matter what. When he had important exams, when his parents went through a divorce … Siwon was always calm.

Two years ago he met Yesung and fell in love with him. Everything was great for a few months before Siwon realized something weird. He has rarely seen Yesung eating, whenever they went out Yesung always ordered a salad or said he felt sick. Siwon didn’t know what to say so he ignored the problem for a few months until the day when Yesung collapsed. An ambulance took him in a hospital and Siwon found out Yesung is seriously malnourished. Siwon felt lost, he didn’t know that Yesung’s weird eating habits were this bad. Yesung has two older brothers - Leeteuk and Heechul - and they told him Yesung has this problem since puberty. However, this time Yesung refused to get help. As soon as he woke up, he wanted to leave the hospital and his brothers were forced to decide for him. Yesung’s involuntary treatment was painful for everyone. He cried every time they came to visit him, he tried to run away a few times and even hurt himself just to get out of the hospital. It took three months until he felt good enough to go home with Siwon who patiently waited for him and gave Yesung all the support he could have given.

Now, the history repeats itself. Only today, after 5 weeks, Siwon found out Yesung was ditching the sessions with his psychologist. He believed that Yesung is fine, he was slowly but steadily gaining weight and today Siwon discovered Yesung ditched his sessions. 10 sessions and his psychologist didn’t bother to call Siwon or his brothers. All of this leads to this moment when they are sitting at the dining table. Yesung is crying because angry Siwon yelled at him and Yesung is sure he will call his brothers and together they will drag him back in the hospital.

“Yesung, just tell me why?”

Siwon is begging him to hear the reason why he wasn’t attending the sessions. The psychologist was rude? Said something inappropriate? Maybe Yesung simply doesn’t like her and wants a new one. Siwon just wants to know why he was lying to him. They want to get married, so why is Yesung lying about such an important thing?

Yesung doesn’t answer, he cries and shakes in fear, but doesn’t speak. How can he describe that he can’t eat? His throat closes every time he even thinks about food.

“Fine!”

Siwon angrily hit the table with his hands and gets up. Siwon opens the freezer and pulls out a big pizza with cheese, ham and mushrooms. He put the frozen pizza in the oven and turns around to Yesung.

“You are going to sit here and eat the whole thing.”

Siwon sees the horror in Yesung’s eyes, but ignores it. Yesung hurt his feelings so Siwon won’t take into account Yesung’s feelings. The pizza is done in a few minutes and Siwon places it on a big plate. Yesung grabs Siwon’s hand and tries to beg him, but the man is like deaf. Yesung’s crying is even worse and he chokes on his sobs when Siwon roughly grabs his arm. Yesung tried to get up and leave, but Siwon was quick - he caught his arm and forced him to sit down again before pushing the chair closer to the desk.

“I am leaving if you don’t eat this right now!”

Now Yesung is really hysterical. He stares on the pizza, it is hot and so greasy. Yesung swears he can smell the calories. Siwon is glaring at him and Yesung hesitantly lifts the first triangle. He eats two slices before he starts to feel sick.

“Continue.”

Yesung forces himself to eat more. He is hysterical and cries, but continues shoving the pizza in his mouth. Siwon is a bit scared, Yesung looks crazy while stuffing the pizza in his mouth and barely chewing. After finishing the whole thing Yesung wants to get up, but Siwon stops him again.

“You want to go and vomit, am I right?”

Siwon is smart, he knows Yesung will vomit to get rid of the food so they will sit in the kitchen for some time before going in bed. Yesung’s stomach really hurts, he feels sick and hot. Time is slowly passing and Siwon finally allows him to go and have a shower. Yesung collapsed in their bed and wraps his arms around his stomach. He has strong cramps and he feels too hot.

“Was it that hard?”

Siwon comes in the bedroom and watches Yesung. Yesung raised his head a bit, his black fringe is sticking to his sweaty forehead. He has no strength to speak. Siwon lies down and tries to fall asleep.

“I am sorry I forced you, but you disappointed me.”

Yesung doesn’t answer, he just groans a bit while his vision spins and gets blurred. He feels that his stomach is somehow hard and bloated. It hurts to even touch it. Siwon is slowly falling asleep when he heard a loud thud. He quickly sits up and spots Yesung lying on the floor.

“What happened?”

Siwon goes to help him and feels the weirdly bloated stomach of his lover.

“Yesung, what is wrong?”

He gently shakes the petite man, but Yesung’s head lolls from right to left. Yesung looks a bit confused, he doesn’t remember lying down and then he fell down from the bed.

“Come on, let’s get you in the bathroom.”

Siwon turns on the light and gasps in shock. This doesn’t look good. His stomach is really bloated, he looks as if he is pregnant.

“We should go in a hospital.”

Siwon pulls him up and quickly dresses him. They leave in hurry, Siwon gently lays Yesung on the backseat. Siwon is nervously driving and keeps glancing at Yesung who looks like on the edge of unconsciousness. Siwon can finally see the huge hospital building in front of them and sighs in relief. Help is near, doctors will help Yesung and everything will be okay again. It is clear to him that Yesung must feel really horrible because he usually hates hospitals and now he looks calm, but sick in his arms. Siwon tries to explain the situation to a nurse, but he must sound crazy because she immediately called another nurse and a doctor. They take Yesung away from him and Siwon has an unpleasant duty - he has to call Leeteuk and Heechul. Sooner or later they will find out the sad news and like this Siwon can avoid making them even angrier.

Leeteuk is a firefighter and Heechul is a fitness trainer, it means they are muscular and now hurry to Siwon who is waiting for a doctor to tell him how is Yesung doing. No words can describe how dumb, scared and nervous Siwon feels right now. Yesung’s older brothers are staring at him from the chairs at the opposite wall and Siwon isn’t sure if they won’t beat him up. Leeteuk is usually the calm one, but Heechul gets angry very easily, moreover he spends his days dancing or working out. They have to wait for an hour before a doctor appears. He turns to Leeteuk and Heechul because Siwon is just a boyfriend, he isn’t close family member.

“Your brother suffered from refeeding syndrome. His body went through a big shock, after not eating you flooded his body with sugar and fat.”

Heechul pointed at Siwon and turned to the doctor.

“He caused it. Yesung doesn’t live with us.”

The doctor briefly turned to Siwon before speaking with the brothers.

“We pumped his stomach and he got an IV drip with phosphates. He must stay here for a week, but the biggest problem is his eating disorder isn’t getting better. He is underweighted again.”

This time Siwon is 100% sure Heechul will punch him. The doctor takes them in Yesung’s room. The brothers immediately soften up and hurry to the bed where is lying their little brother. They are scared, Yesung looks so fragile, like a wind could break him. Yesung is asleep or unconscious, it is hard to tell which option is right. Heechul grips the little hand of his baby brother and Leeteuk gently rubs Yesung’s small feet.

“What are we going to do now?”

Leeteuk is on the edge of tears, he is so worried about Yesung. Siwon is standing a bit away from them, scared to speak or even breathe. Siwon wants to go near his boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to bother them. He caused this, he forced Yesung to eat, but he was angry! His anger caused what he did!

Siwon sat down on an uncomfortable chair and watches the three brothers. Leeteuk and Heechul are sitting there for a long time before they go to buy a coffee and Siwon has a moment to be with Yesung. He gently grabs the small hand and starts to cry. He is silent, the last thing he wants is a nurse seeing him like this. Siwon presses the small hand to his forehead and suddenly feels that the short fingers moved a bit. Siwon looks up and gasps because Yesung has opened his eyes.

“Siwon …”

Yesung feels sick and terrified. He is in a hospital, again. And his brothers will lock him in a mental hospital, again. This is so frustrating! Yesung wants to eat like everyone else, but he hates himself if he eats. He needs to be like this, he can’t gain weight. They are pumping vitamins in his body and Yesung knows that they will treat him until he is strong enough to be moved in a mental hospital. Doctors, nurses, everyone is going to make him eat.

“I am sorry, Siwon. I failed you.”

Yesung bursts into tears and Siwon clumsily hugs him. He must be careful around the tubes, but he gently presses his petite boyfriend to his chest.

“It is my fault. I didn’t know forcing you eat will cause this.”

Siwon Yesung’s hair and smiles a bit.

“I hurt you, but I will educate myself about eating disorders, I will work hard to become the best boyfriend and help you. Okay? Your work is to rest.”

Siwon has no idea that Leeteuk is back with his coffee, he is standing outside right behind the door and hears everything. His anger decreased a bit and he watches them for a moment before turning around. Heechul is coming back soon, so Leeteuk has to stop him from going in the room. Siwon might be an idiot for forcing Yesung to eat, but he must love his brother. Leeteuk knows it because Yesung often told them about Siwon and things he does for him. Leeteuk knows that his brother isn’t a baby anymore, he has his own life and also his own life. Leeteuk knows that they have to let Yesung go and live his own life, but Heechul ignores it. Heechul has the strong need to protect his baby brother no matter what. Leeteuk walks away while sighing and rubbing his forehead. He will give them a moment and stop Heechul from beating Siwon because that won’t help them. Now they need to focus on helping Yesung, that’s their top priority and it will bring them closer.