sometimes, just sometimes jackson has doubts about him and mark. not that jackson thinks mark would cheat on him or that mark doesn’t love him anymore, but there are times he has doubts that their relationship will make it. it doesn't happen often and when it does, it’s usually when jackson is alone enough to catch his breath, alone enough that everything around him is silent except for the pong! of his thoughts bouncing around in his head.

people think they’re similar, but truly they aren’t. sometimes jackson will feel their differences so starkly in a moment that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

they’re both of chinese descent, sure, and they both had to struggle through the same discrimination that all foreign trainees and later, that all foreign idols go through. but really, that’s where their similarities end. 

even with their differences jackson still couldn’t help but be drawn into mark’s orbit, a sun and moon constantly circling each other. even though they’re opposites in many ways, they’ve fought to get where they’re at now, blazing a trail ever since their first meeting years ago. jackson wonders if they burned so brightly then that they’ll eventually burn out now. his heart hurts just thinking about it. 

mark is the west. an l.a. boy whose restless waves are stuck in the box of idoldom. he’s laid back and chill in a way jackson will never be and he holds the sun in his hair and in his smile in ways that jackson thought were such blatant exaggerations when he read them in required school readings. 

he’s childish in a way that only maknaes are supposed to be but takes care of all of them in a way only a hyung who genuinely cares can. he’s quick to swear and quick to laugh and even quicker to cry. 

god, jackson loves him.

jackson’s eyes shift up from where they’ve been staring at a patch of wall when he hears the door opening. 

“hey,” mark calls out softly, slightly surprised, but delighted when he sees that jackson is home. he takes off his shoes and puts them on the rack before he’s padding his way towards jackson who’s lounging on the couch. 

he sits directly next to jackson and moves jackson’s arm up to curl under it and into jackson’s side, relaxing in jackson’s arms as he exhales into jackson’s sweatshirt. jackson’s heart feels so full. he tightens his arm around mark’s shoulders, trying to pull him closer.

the hand closest to mark’s head moves to through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. mark sighs, contented, relaxing further into him until jackson is supporting his dead weight. he can feel mark’s soft exhales on the side of his throat and he moves his hand to card back mark’s long bangs and leans down to kiss his forehead. he can feel mark smile into the side of his neck and jackson can’t lose this. he can’t.

jackson gathers mark in his arms and holds him tightly, crushing him against jackson’s body and the backrest of the couch. he wants to stay like this forever and ever. 

he wants got7 to never be parted, that they can somehow all live together again like they used to in the dorms and still get to all their schedules on time. he wants to hear youngjae singing in the morning and all hours of the day, mindlessly. he wants yugyeom to tease the hyungs with his height, wants to prank him like they used to. he wants bambam skrrt skrrt-ing at the randomest moments, will put up with him walking around the house if it means he’ll be there. he wants jinyoung to be reading a book on the couch, complaining everyone is too loud and still stays where he’s at. he wants jaebum’s scattered notebooks filled with lyrics and compositions littered everywhere, wants to poke at his eye moles. he wants to wake up next to mark and hear his warm laugh ring out every hour, his life’s perfect bgm.

jackson knows that’s all just a dream though. 

they all have their individual paths and careers to focus on for right now and so everyone will be parting for the near future. jackson is both equally excited and despondent. he’s so glad everyone has schedules lined up and can't wait to support all of his family. he just wishes the