March 18, 2019

 

My world is purely black and white. No one can make me see the colors like you all do. At this point, I had a thought that maybe, this world is a simulation. A game. Maybe dying will make me restart again.

 

What do I do? I do nothing. I live alone. No friends, lover, family, or even pets. Just me, myself and I.

 

I drowned myself in the world of realistic imagination. I hallucinate fond and happy scenarios in which I, myself, knew that it wasn't real. But I ing love it.

 

There's no way in hell that anyone would even dare to save me from this madness of mine. All of them will just walk away and act that I don't exist.

 

It's been going on since I was a kid, so, what's the difference?

———————————

 

June 21, 2019

 

Ahh, the same day again.. 

 

Why did I even hoped that something out of the ordinary will jump out and save me? I'm suffocating from these chains of abyss that I made myself and wrapped around my neck.

 

But I guess today became a little interesting..

 

"um hi?", a girl wearing (must be) a designer clothes( idk what brand but it's brandy), straight black haired, and jumpy, suddenly approached me from behind as I was eating my lunch.

 

I turned around and saw something unbelievable.. Was that, red?

 

"Uh yes? Can I help you?"

 

"Uh, I was wondering if you had a partner? For the- umm..", I noticed the slight trembling of her fidgety hands. Is she talking about the activity that Miss Baron told us earlier? And wait, she's in my class?

 

"You mean the one that Miss Baron told us about? No I don't have one actually. Why are you asking? I'm King by the way."

 

"Cheris.. Uh, yeah, I was wondering if you would want to partner up with me? IT'S OKAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!!", damn that voice of her is loud. ing loud.. I don't like people that are too noisy for my liking..

 

"Sure."

 

I- what?

 

"Really? Oh my gosh!! Thank you your royal highness!!", I mentally laughed at her position.. She's literally kneeling in front of me.

 

I guess today's not bad after all..

—————————

October 12, 2019

 

I don't know how it got into this.. THIS mess I'm in right now.. I, you is an understatement..

 

"Happy Birthday to you~!! Happy birthday your royal highness!! Here, make a wish and blow your candle my King.", Cheris handed me a 4 layered chocolate cake with a message in it: Blow it already so I can give you my gift! 

 

That girl.. sigh, I'm really glad I met her. Right after that day, we became close because of an unknown reason. I don't know it just happened. 

 

We went to lunchtime together, became study partners, became close and eventually became bffs..

 

As I stared into the cake, I closed my eyes and wished for something I know that has uncertainty in it..

 

Please let me stay with her.

 

"Woohoo!!! Happy Birthday Bestie!!", she ran up to me and tackled me into a tight and bone-crushing hug..

 

"Thank you Chloe.. For being my bestfriend, my mom, my sister, and my teacher. I wouldn't be free from all the pain if it wasn't for you. Thank you, really.", I smiled at her as she grins back.

 

I suddenly felt a finger poking my sides making me drop the poor cake.

 

"Chloe! What the- the cake.. My cake!! I- wha-you...", oh my god.. Lord give me patience..

 

"Sorry! I'm not used to you being all sweet and . I wasn't prepared for that.. Don't worry! I knew this would happen so I made an extra one. It's in your fridge. Just eat it later."

 

As she said that, she wipes something off my face and I realized that we're so close to each other. 

 

She must have realized that too because she stopped her movements and decided to stare at me..

 

There was something magnetic in the air that made me inch closer to her.. Until I felt our nose touched and I can feel her warm breathe on my face..

 

"Chloe..."

 

"K-King...", she closes her eyes as if anticipating what's to come..

 

I understood it and pulled her close to me..

 

As soon as I did that, our lips met. I felt her stiffen but I held her close. I wrapped my arms around her waist and caressed it with my thumb. I felt her relaxed by the move I made and then, I felt arms wrapping around my neck and it pulls me even closer.. Deepening the kiss and none of us are bothered by the burning sensation of our own lungs.

 

Our kisses turned into small pecks.. We both calmed down from a breathtaking activity  while still holding each other. She gently pulled away and landed her forehead on mine while closing her eyes..

 

"What is it?", I asked her while making us sway in a silent melody that I know both of us can hear.

 

"Nothing..", silence took over for a while until she called me,"King?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"I like you.", I froze..

 

I know it alarmed her but I just ing froze.. She removed her forehead on mine and looked at me. As if waiting for me to say something..

 

"You don't... like me?"

 

I ing love you chloe..

 

But I was too afraid and hesitant to say it back. Until I realized I was too late..

 

And only a loud slamming of a door was heard and I felt cold again...

———————————

December 13, 2019

 

Up until now, she doesn't talk to me. Whenever I approached her, somebody keeps calling her. I know she can head if I call out her name but she won't look back and puts on a headphone as if telling me to "shut up and leave me alone".

 

I watched her walk away until she wasn't in my sight anymore. Until I can no longer see her small figure in the horizon..

 

I...

 

I'm such an idiot...

 

I made a big mistake.

 

I'm so worthless.

 

I deserve this.

 

The pain, it's coming back again..

 

The chains of suffering is wrapping its cold and heavy arms around me.

 

And it's killing me.

 

But then again..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm loving it.

————————————

January 15, 2020 

 

As I was walking into the classroom, I felt something was thrown at me. It landed on my feet.. It's a paper plane.. I picked it up and opened it..

 

What was written in it made me froze again..

 

"Until when are you gonna ignore me your highness? We need to talk and please don't run. You'll know I'll chase you if you do. Meet me behind this building.. I'll wait for you after class.. See ya King."

 

She's right though.. We need to talk..

 

And I won't run away.. 

 

Not when she's the one..

 

Not when I miss her..

 

Not until I say the words she deserve to hear from this filthy mouth.

.....................

Time skip: Behind the school building 

 

"there you are.. I thought you won't come..", I saw chloe sitting on the grass with her back resting on the wall..

 

"Sorry I w