Jungeun feels cold.

Jungeun shivers while the soft sand sinks beneath her, tracing the entirety of her figure. Her white long sleeve sweater, denim boyfriend jeans, and worn-out sneakers felt heavy as it weighed down on her while the scent of the salinity of the sea hit her nose while she inhaled deeply staring at the ombré color of the dusk over the horizon. 

All Jungeun could hear was the sound of waves lightly hitting the shores as it wets sand beneath the heel of her soles and peculiarly, her hearing heightened when she heard someone sigh beside her.

Jungeun doesn’t forget she was not alone, not when she clearly remembers how she got dragged at the beach at four in the morning after not getting any wink of sleep, by none other than Jinsol.

Jungeun feels cold, but when she felt Jinsol suddenly reach out for her hand, the same hand that pulled her into the cold night and the freezing waters of the sea. The weight on her suddenly alleviates, and Jungeun suddenly feels warmer than ever.

“Have you ever had a thought that this will end?” Jungeun hears Jinsol ask softly over the mellow sound of the waves, still not sparing a glance to her.

“What will?”

“You being with me.”

----------------------------------------------------

Jungeun was eight when she first met Jinsol, and Jinsol was ten.

Jinsol was not like any other person she met. She was not as timid as her, not as reserved as her, but Jinsol still found a way to carve herself in Jungeun’s heart.

Jinsol was everything her mom warned her about: she, who climbs tall trees, stays up late at night, and talks with a bunch of random kids in the park but Jungeun was never one to judge solely from what she sees.

Young Jungeun knows by heart that Jinsol does climb tall trees, but for the sake of saving the stray kitten Jungeun was telling her about, stays up late at night just to finish a toy robot Jungeun once gave her as a holiday gift, talks with a bunch of random kids in the park because all she wants was for them to play with Jungeun while she leaves her alone to buy ice cream for the both of them.

Jinsol was way different than Jungeun, but she found ways to wrap herself around Jungeun’s heart.

In the safety of her room, the frail Jungeun was wrapped in her favorite blanket, trying to gather just as much drowsiness as she would need to finally fall asleep to prepare for her first day as a second grader. However, her body must have known the reason why it made her struggle to feel sleepy; It was because someone suddenly knocked on her window.

Jungeun scratches her eyes after she opens her lamp, trying to adjust her vision to the light, and sees a familiar figure stand on the ledge of their house.

Jungeun immediately removes the covers over her pajama clad frame, and runs to her window then pulls it open, only to reveal Jinsol, her neck wrapped in a big blue knitted scarf so it covers half of her face, wearing her favorite peacoat over her gundam designed pajamas. 

“Unnie? It’s late! What are you doing?” Jungeun shivers as the cold breeze from outside suddenly barges in the warmth of her room.

“I’m here to see my favorite person. Isn’t that obvious?” Jinsol chuckles as she pushes Jungeun gently, finally making her way inside through the narrow windowsill. Despite how cold the nights could be, Jungeun knows by the way Jinsol’s eyes curved up that she was still smiling from ear to ear behind the fluffy and bulky scarf she was wearing.

“We have school tomorrow, Soulie. We have to sleep.”

“I know. That’s why I came to see you.” Jungeun sees Jinsol rummage through her coat, then fumble a bit with a clumsily wrapped gift with a Happy Birthday wrapper despite Jungeun’s birthday being months away.

“I’m sorry. There were no wrappers in our house besides that.” Jinsol’s chuckle muffles through her scarf. “It’s for you.” 

Jungeun takes the gift from Jinsol but she sets it aside on her bed and focuses first on the struggling Jinsol, helping her unwrap the scarf that was looking much heavier on Jinsol as time passed by, then proceeds to take off her peacoat.

“There. Now, you can talk comfortably.” Jungeun picks up her gift from her bed while she sits idly by the edge, then pats the space beside her. 

“Sit.” Jinsol obliges almost immediately.

“Thank you, Jungie."

Jungeun finally unwraps the gift and finds a bright yellow larva plush pencil case and when Jungeun opens it, she sees it filled with random colors of inked pens and lead pencils, some marked with Jinsol’s name on the side. 

“It’s not much but I had to give this to you before school starts.” Jinsol scratches her nape while Jungeun traces Jinsol’s cute handwriting with her thumb, laughing tenderly. “You’re my best friend.”

“Best friend?” Jungeun finds herself looking at Jinsol with a surprised look.

“Yeah. I think of you as my best friend. As long as you don’t want to? It’s fine.”

“No.” Jungeun smiles, returning her attention to the pencil case and runs her fingers through it. “I can be your best friend— I will be your best friend.”

Jungeun hears Jinsol giggle as she continues to count just how much writing materials did Jinsol fit in the pencil case for it to almost blow up. 

“I didn’t get you something. It’s your first day tomorrow too.” Jungeun knows Jinsol should get something special too, now that it’s her first day as a fourth grader from another school.

“It’s okay. The summer vacation with my best friend is already okay!”

Despite knowing Jinsol only a few months in since they moved in next door at the start of the summer vacation, it’s not really new to Jungeun how Jinsol comfortably barges in their house. Jungeun has brought her in as many times as she couldn’t count with two hands and the Kims treated her and welcomed her like family, nevertheless.

Ever since Jinsol had set foot into Jungeun’s life, every day to them was an adventure. Though they have siblings to spend their childhood with, Jinsol and Jungeun always find their way to each other and complete each other’s days with stories and playful antics. (Jungeun vividly remembers how they almost burned their house down because they attempted to cook a pack of ramen; Jungeun was on house-arrest for a day and Jinsol can’t still be stopped from seeing Jungeun, hence the start of the window-climbing skill she never knew she had.)

Though Jinsol had told her the summer vacation was already enough, Jungeun is not one to back down from wanting to give Jinsol a gift too. So Jungeun reaches at the bottom of her bed, a shoe box containing the set of threads of the bracelets she makes, which her sister got her for her birthday.

“What are you doing?” Jinsol asks while Jungeun busily finishes the bracelet she has been working on the last time but never quite got to finish it over the summer vacation because she found a new friend she kills time with.

“I want to give you something too.” Jungeun sticks her tongue out while she struggles to tie the knot at the end, but then manages to finish it for Jinsol.

“Here!” Jungeun hands the braided bracelet with threads colored different shades of blue then white, reminding her of the color of the sea.

Jinsol lets Jungeun slide the bracelet on her wrist and tighten it, then she holds it close to her, tracing the great pattern of the simple bracelet Jungeun has made for her. 

“This is amazing.” Jinsol suddenly wraps Jungeun in an embrace. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

“You should go home. Have fun tomorrow, alright?”

“Will I see Jungie after school tomorrow?” Jinsol asks while she busily wears her peacoat and wraps her bulky scarf around her neck.

“Yes you will, Soulie.” Jungeun giggles. “You see me everyday.”

“Alright, alright.” Jinsol walks to the window where she entered a while ago then opens it, the cold air entering Jungeun’s room again. Jinsol finally sets foot on the windowsill and climbs up, but she turns to Jungeun again.

“You’ll still be my best friend, right?” Jinsol asks with her eyes reflecting the moonlight. “No matter what?”

“Yes, I will still be your best friend.” Jungeun chuckles while she shoves Jinsol in the window carefully, not wanting her to fall and be injured just before school starts.

“Promise me!” Jinsol sticks out her pinky and in no time, Jungeun hooks her pinky and locks it in by touching their thumbs together.

“Alright, alright. I promise. Now, go home!”

Before Jungeun could finally lie down on her bed, she gave her last look down below their yard and saw Jinsol waving her farewell to her best friend through the dim light of her window before she ran to the other side of the street, until Jungeun could see her no more.

Jungeun was eight when she first slept with a smile on her face, the widest one she had ever worn, that was only manifested with the thought of her new best friend.

----------------------------------------------------

Jungeun was eleven when she first saw Jinsol with pieces of her heart on her hands, and Jinsol was thirteen.

“Unnie? Unnie!” Jungeun scratches her head while she scurries through the Jeongs’ yard, desperately and eagerly looking for a sign from Jinsol who, today, did not appear in the Kims’ doorstep like she always does. So Jungeun hurriedly goes to the Jeongs’ humble abode just to check up if her best friend arrived home in one piece.

With a heavy heart, Jinsol’s mom tells Jungeun that Jinsol’s beloved blue betta fish had been found floating in her aquarium, all lifeless and colorless. She also was told that Jinsol did not have the courage to attend school today because of her blue betta’s sudden passing. 

Jinsol already had Blue when she moved into their very house, Jinsol showing it proudly to Jungeun the first time she set foot in Jinsol’s room. The fish somehow became Jinsol’s diary, talking to it whenever she’s alone. So Jungeun knows how much the fish meant for Jinsol, and it also felt like needles were poking her heart because of it.

Mrs. Jeong had not seen Jinsol since supper, she hasn't eaten anything yet but only cups of water from crying too much since she woke up. So Jungeun tries to look for her to at least do her part as a best friend in making Jinsol feel a bit better.

“Unnie? Where are you?” Jungeun searches even deeper in their yard, checking every corner Jinsol must have hidden herself within.

Jungeun finally reaches the tree by the corner of their yard, and finally she hears someone whimper behind the large trunk and a few familiar sniffs. Though Jungeun still hasn’t fully seen who it was, the warmth alone tells her it was Jinsol.

Jungeun peeks carefully from behind, only to see Jinsol sitting on the grass while she leans on the tree, her knees curled up to her chest while a trail of her tears was left on her cheeks.

“Unnie?”

“Jungie? Hi.” Jinsol never fails to always greet Jungeun with a smile, but this time, her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Unnie...” Jungeun looks around and sees a stone erected by the fence of their yard, a paper with Jinsol’s handwriting taped on it.

Here lies

BLUE

Jeongs’ great buddy and family.

“I’m sorry about Blue.” Jungeun takes her spot beside Jinsol and automatically, Jinsol leans her head on Jungeun’s shoulder. They stay silent for a while, just the sound of Jinsol’s soft sniffs heard all around and the rustling of leaves above them while the sun sinks in the unseen horizon.

Jungeun never had a moment of silence like this with Jinsol before. Usually, it was Jinsol who set the mood up with her never-ending stories and gossip that Jungeun never really got tired of hearing or listening despite being a person of silence. Jinsol was the light that always makes every day the happiest with Jungeun. However, today was the day that light dimmed out because of the passing of not just a mere pet, but also whose simple waddle of its tail and fin made Jinsol smile and feel at ease.

“I didn’t even know if fishes were to be buried or be flown away at sea.”

“Well, can you go to the beach?” Jungeun leans her head on top of Jinsol’s and naturally, their fingers find each other and knit like it was really meant to be there.

“No. Drive me to the beach when we grow up, okay?” Jinsol chortles as she gets comfortable on Jungeun’s shoulder. In times like this, it never fails to amaze Jungeun how quick Jinsol could lighten up the mood even though she’s the one in agony.

“Soulie, you’re older than me. You’ll be the one to drive me there first.”

“Not if I don’t get my license first!” Jungeun gasps and lifts her head from Jinsol’s, pretending to be shocked by the scandalous proposal but when she turned to Jinsol, she saw Jinsol’s swollen but beautiful eyes, tears still making her orbs glimmer with the sunset. It was unlike a while ago, it was now brighter.

“Not fair! Don’t make me your driver!” Jungeun objects jokingly, before the both of them laugh like the sadness didn’t even exist.

“Seriously, Jungie.” The laughter finally dies down. “When we grow up, promise you’ll bring me to the beach. I’ve always wanted to go to the beach.”

“Alright, alright.” Jungeun lets go of Jinsol’s hand to offer a pinky to lock in her promise, which Jinsol does immediately, knowing pinky promises are important for the both of them.

Suddenly, the sky becomes angry, thunder starts roaring while a flash of lightning draws across the sky at dusk, then Jungeun suddenly feels droplets of rain fall on their joined hands then her cheek. Rain was suddenly about to pour.

“Come on. Let’s go inside. Mrs. Jeong has been looking for you since supper.” Jungeun was the first one to stand up but Jinsol refuses to, seeing her with a mischievous smile on her face while she tightens her pinky around Jungeun’s.

“Unnie?”

Then the thunder roared once more but even louder, then the next thing they knew, it was already pouring.

“Let’s play, Jungie! Come on!” Jinsol stands up and pulls Jungeun in the middle of their yard instead of having to stay dry inside of their house. The rain started pouring heavily and it grew colder as it became heavier. They were both drenched already and it was too late for the both of them to seek shelter in the safety of Jinsol’s house.

“Soulie, wait!” Jinsol splashes a newly-formed puddle at Jungeun. However, Jungeun just laughs and smiles when she sees Jinsol, the sad and crying Jinsol a while ago, now stripped of her sadness away. It wouldn’t hurt to give in now, wouldn’t it?

As soon as the rain grew weaker, Jinsol and Jungeun finally stepped in the house with wide smiles on their faces, making quite a mess with their muddy shoes and wet clothes in the kitchen, but Mrs. Jeong was kind enough to bring them towels and wrap them around both of them with a smile on her face, happy to see her daughter’s color finally returning, thanks to Jungeun.

With fresh pajamas and a towel around her shoulder to keep her hair dry while a piping mug of hot cocoa was in her hands, Jungeun swings her legs playfully while she sits and waits on Jinsol’s bed while it was Jinsol’s turn to take a bath. Jungeun sneezes and she suddenly feels her nose get a bit clogged and heavy, maybe a sign of colds starting. The rain was indeed cold and heavy, but it could never compare to how she had fun with Jinsol.

Jinsol finally enters the room with a towel draped over her head clumsily like some sort of hood and a hot cocoa on hand like Jungeun, then she approaches Jungeun and takes her spot beside her.

“Your mom said you can stay the night!— Woah, are you okay?” Jinsol asks while she hears a couple of sniffs from Jungeun.

“Yes. It’s just some cold, that’s all.”

“Did I make you sick? I’m sorry.” Jinsol pouts.

“No, it’s fine. I had fun!” Jungeun playfully pushes Jinsol’s shoulder. “Besides, my best friend’s already feeling better.”

“Yeah. I think Blue made it rain.” Jinsol chuckles while she turns to the empty fishbowl by her table, after she sips on her hot cocoa. “I should thank him later for letting us play in the rain. I really had fun too, Jungie! Thank you.”

If there is one thing Jungeun would not forget about today, it’s how Jinsol never let go of her hand when she felt sad, even when they were already playing in the rain with wide smiles on their faces. Jungeun doesn't really know if she is a good best friend, but because of today, she is now starting to believe in herself much more. Jungeun wants to be someone Jinsol could rely on, she wants to be worthy of being Jeong Jinsol’s best friend.

Jungeun was eleven when she understood how human Jeong Jinsol still was; That Jungeun must be stronger to be the one to catch her best friend when she falls, like how Jinsol amazingly and consistently makes her the happiest everyday.

(Mrs. Jeong enters Jinsol’s room to fetch the mugs used by her daughter and Jungeun when she suddenly stops and admires the bond Jinsol has already made with Jungeun, both of them now bounded by Jinsol’s arms around Jungeun’s shoulder while Jungeun comfortably has her arm draped around Jinsol’s waist while they sleep soundly. 

Mrs. Jeong was indeed proud to say that Jinsol found the right friend, and silently thanked Jungeun for making her daughter feel better.)

----------------------------------------------------

Jungeun was fifteen when she saw Jinsol with someone else other than her, and Jinsol was seventeen.

It became a routine ever since they both started attending schools that were separate, Jungeun going home while Jinsol waits for her with a wide smile on her face by the oak tree near the Kims’  house while their backpacks were still hanging by their shoulders.

Today was no different, except Jinsol was not smiling to her, but rather to the one she was talking to, someone she had never seen before, someone taller than her, someone much more talkative than her, some that is not her.

Jungeun grips on the straps of her bag tightly, sweating profusely with not a single clue why she was feeling like that.

“Jungie!” Jinsol skips to Jungeun while the girl follows behind her. “I brought a friend!”

“Jungie, this is Sooyoung. A friend of the same age!” 

“Nice to meet you.” Jungeun shakes her hand with a faint smile on her face. “You can call me Jungeun or Jungie, or whatever you like.”

“Jungeun! Finally! Jinsol has been talking non-stop about you. Gosh, I wonder why—” The next thing Jungeun knew was Jinsol was covering Sooyoung’s mouth already, still hearing her muffled blabbers.

“Sooyoung, I told you not to!” Jinsol locks her arm around her neck, making Sooyoung lightly struggle to breathe, while Jungeun just stands there, clueless as ever.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop!” Sooyoung taps Jinsol’s arm in an attempt to surrender, which was successful as Jinsol’s arm loosens along with Jungeun breath hitching for a moment.

Turns out that Sooyoung wanted to meet Jungeun, as the reason why she tagged along with Jinsol going home, despite having to travel by bus on her way back home. Jungeun can tell Jinsol wanted the same, having to let someone meet Jungeun for the first time, with an eager smile on her face like she always used to. Sooyoung asked questions here and there, and Jungeun answered all of it with much thought, careful not to make a bad impression on Sooyoung. 

Jungeun had met a couple of friends of Jinsol already. As far as she could remember, her friends are Hyeju, Heejin, and Heejin’s best friend who likes to eat bread, Hyunjin. (Was it really Hyunjin? or Hyeju? Jungeun really doesn't have the knack to remember a lot of names.) However, this girl was someone who made Jungeun feel something different. Like she was someone different to Jinsol.

When it was finally time to go home, Jinsol and Jungeun walks Sooyoung to the bus stop near their street and bids her goodbye and see you agains, then as the bus drives away, Jinsol takes Jungeun’s hand by hers and swings it along their footsteps, while Jungeun tries to memorize the creaks in the pavement timidly. Jungeun was never one to get used to hand-holding and soft touches; She always thinks about how her heart beats irregularly while all of it occurs with Jinsol.

“Sorry about not mentioning Sooyoung sooner. She suddenly wanted to meet you.” Jinsol swings their hands in a calm manner.

“You two seem awfully close.” Jungeun tries to make it come out less awkward, but the crack on her voice failed her dignity.

“Oh? Is my Jungie jealous?” Jinsol draws much nearer to Jungeun with a tight grasp on her hand, her breath grazing on Jungeun’s cheek.

“I’m not!” Jungeun hopes her cheeks are not colored red right now. “It’s just that you have a lot of friends you introduced to me and Sooyoung was different. You two are very close.”

Jinsol just hums in reply with a -eating smile on her face and all Jungeun wants to do now was to bury herself down six-feet under.

As the dark of the night finally takes over the sky, lamp posts gets lit up, and lights from the windows of houses starts to illuminate the street, they silently arrive in front of Jungeun’s house and before Jinsol could walk her up the doorstep, she suddenly stops her tracks, her hand still tight around Jungeun’s. Jungeun looks back at Jinsol, who was just looking back at her with the same smile she was wearing with the tender look Jungeun can’t put a finger on.

Jinsol lets go of Jungeun’s hand, only to raise her fist up and show the bracelet Jungeun had given her in the past. 

“Look.” Jinsol turns her arm for Jungeun to see how the braided bracelet was comfortably wrapped around her small wrist, like it always used to ever since she gave it to Jinsol.

“What am I looking at?” Jungeun asks, both of their eyes observing the bracelet on her wrist.

“The promise we made when we were kids.” Jinsol retreats her arm back and starts walking closer to Jungeun.

“Remember? That you’ll still be my best friend. No matter what.” Jinsol smiles at her widely which tugs Jungeun’s heart, deeming her speechless and unable to make her heart beat more stable. Jinsol was indeed good with words and most of the time, she always knew what to tell Jungeun that made her heart feel at ease and feel better.

“Yeah. I remember.” Jungeun sighs, trying to keep her heart from beating too loud so Jinsol won’t hear. “I always remember.”

“Good. Now, let me tell Sooyoung I’m the only one that can call you Jungie.” Jinsol happily skips ahead of Jungeun, on her way to the porch. “Race you to the living room!” 

“Hey!”

Jungeun was fifteen when she learned the significance of their promise: how the both of them would meet a lot of people along the way but the both of them will still find their way to each other.

(It was a long day at school for the both of them, so Jungeun fell asleep in Jinsol’s arms on the couch that night while she grasps at the bracelet on Jinsol’s wrist with her fingers gently, only remembering the faint sound of a movie and Jinsol’s calm breathing and slow heartbeat against her back lulling her to sleep.)

----------------------------------------------------

Jungeun was nineteen when she realized how her heart skips a beat by two whenever Jinsol was around, and Jinsol was twenty-one.

It has been a long journey before Jungeun arrived where she is now, having to finish high school with flying colors. She can’t say she isn’t thrilled to finally live a bit independently, but she can’t say she’s isn’t scared either. However, Jinsol was with her, finally attending the same university as her. What’s there to fear?

Jungeun places the last of her belongings on the floor as finally moves to her side of the dormitory, and behind her is a panting Jinsol, carrying a box of Jungeun’s books.

“Jeez, did you bring your grandma’s whole library here?”

“Shut up, Jinsol.” Jungeun chuckles while she sits down on her bed without sheets for a while, catching up with her breath from climbing and going two flights for five times just to move her things in. Jungeun looks across the room, seeing Jinsol’s things all fixed but it wasn’t that tidy either. However, it felt quite like home, not much of a difference from Jinsol’s room back home.

After all the nagging, insisting, encouraging, and even repeatedly asking Mrs. Kim to allow Jungeun to live with her in her dorm, Jinsol finally got what she wanted. Jungeun was now about to move to Jinsol’s dorm, big enough for two people, too empty with Jinsol alone.

Sooyoung was actually Jinsol’s roommate before her. However, Sooyoung took “initiative” instead and moved to another dorm, where Jungeun was to move in first. (Legend has it that Jinsol had to bribe Sooyoung a couple of boxes of pizza every week and massage her foot after her dance club practice, before she could even agree to Jinsol’s plea; Sooyoung was not really planning to be bribed because Jinsol is a long-time friend after all, but Jinsol insisted in doing so. Who was she to say no to free massages?)

“I’m so glad you’re here!” Jinsol sits beside Jungeun and lies down on her back, exhaling deeply, letting the exhaustion be removed from her body. “Finally! I won’t talk to you through the phone screen anymore while Sooyoung throws some pillows at me for being too noisy.”

“You missed me, didn’t you?” Jungeun asks, settling herself beside Jinsol.

“No , Sherlock. You have no idea how much I wanted to take you here!” Jinsol pouts, still the same pout that Jungeun finds adorable.

It’s true that Jungeun missed talking to Jinsol and hearing her voice purely without the disorienting sound of the phone speakers just as much as Jinsol did. Talking in person was still way different, the enthusiasm for each other felt much stronger.

Though Jungeun never knew why her heart beats an extra mile when Jinsol is around these days. Ever since Jinsol had set on her own journey to university, Jungeun has been seeing her less. Jinsol only goes home for the holidays or whenever she is free, and it sends this longing feeling in Jungeun’s heart. Everyday was an adventure with Jinsol, but now that she has her own life to take care of far away from her, Jungeun can’t help but miss her best friend.

Maybe it’s just because of how she was not used to seeing Jinsol with the familiar smile on her face by the oak tree near their house, maybe because Jinsol grew up to be this beautiful lady with her cheekbones protruding and her eyes that looks like it holds the galaxy, or maybe it’s because she just misses the entirety of Jinsol, how she holds her and takes care of Jungeun, how she holds a special place in her heart.

“Alright, Jinsol. Sooyoung invited us over to her new dorm. She mentioned ordering pizza for dinner.” Jungeun tries to change the topic before she could fail to resist the temptation of having to pinch Jinsol’s cheeks.

“Hey. You used to call me Soulie. What happened?”

“What?”

“Why does Jungie not call me Soulie anymore?” Jinsol pouted once more, but this time, she looked very sad and sincere. Sad to say, Jungeun kind of grew out of it already and the nicknames she used to call Jinsol came out with it. She wasn’t used to calling her by her nickname anymore, since she didn’t want Jinsol to also feel weirded out. Nevertheless, Jungeun got shocked when Jinsol suddenly brought this up to her.

“I didn’t know if you were still okay with it. I can still call you Soulie, if you want to. If it’s not awkward.” Jungeun just sees Jinsol smile weakly at her then she pushes herself upright and out of the bed, walking to her side of the room to get her coat.

“Let’s go, Jungie. Sooyoung must have been waiting for us.” Jinsol fetches her keys by her study table and heads for the door without looking back at Jungeun, who was rooted to her bed.

Did Jungeun say something wrong?

The walk to Sooyoung’s dorm was quiet and short, only a block away from their own, and surprisingly, they arrived with Sooyoung, who was a beet red, sweaty, and stuttering mess. Sooyoung did mention that her roommate was also going to move in today, but never did she expect her roommate to be this ball of sunshine, and butterflies and rainbows.

“Hi, I’m Jiwoo! Sooyoung’s roommate! Nice to meet ya!” Jiwoo smiles at them while she excitedly shakes their hands.

Jungeun notices Sooyoung was about to burst at the side, her face all red while her fists are clenched. Sooyoung was far from mad alright, she was trying to restrain herself from smiling too much instead. Sooyoung is suddenly restless around Jiwoo.

“This is Jinsol and her best friend, Jungeun. Jungeun’s the same age as you.” Sooyoung points at Jungeun and Jiwoo just pounces on Jungeun and greets her with a hug. 

“Finally, someone my age. 99-line!”

Jungeun looks over Jiwoo’s shoulder to Jinsol and Jinsol, with an unexplainable expression, just looks away from them and busies herself with a look around the room.

“Nice to meet you too.” Jungeun manages to let out while Jiwoo squeezes her for a hug.

“And Jinsol? Can I call you that?”

“Of course you can. I love what you did to the place, by the way. Sooyoung is not really good at organizing stuff— Ow!” Sooyoung elbows Jinsol before she could say more things about her.

“Oh, I doubt. Actually, Sooyoung has been helping me fix things and I must say she’s a big help!” Jiwoo smiles and pats Sooyoung’s arms. “She’s strong and cool. I like her.”

Sooyoung suddenly chokes on her spit with Jiwoo’s frankness while Jinsol snorts in response. “Yeah, well. Good luck with that.” 

Though they didn’t really end up ordering pizza, they did fill their stomachs with chicken, seasoned and fried, and Jiwoo didn't even let Sooyoung pay for their dinner, saying it was a thank you for helping her move things (a.k.a The Ha Sooyoung Bare Minimum™; Sooyoung acts like a kid with a crush around Jiwoo. Doing something for a crush is usually a favor, something one could never pay back. Jiwoo was just too kind to pay for the service of Sooyoung’s strength when it's just the bare minimum for Sooyoung.)

All Jungeun heard as dusk unfolds was Jiwoo’s stories about how she got to where she was now and how she was supposedly her roommate if it weren’t for Sooyoung switching places with her, also Sooyoung this, Sooyoung that, and some details about the art course she was taking. Jungeun had memorized it all because every time a story from Jiwoo ends, she expects Jinsol to at least speak a word to her. However, Jungeun hasn't heard from Jinsol since they left their room. She only hears her exchange some words to Sooyoung and Jiwoo once in a while, then she goes back to being silent, not the typical Jeong Jinsol.

Jiwoo’s enthusiasm and energy finally dies down a bit and invites them to watch a movie over this projector she brought over. Jiwoo was indeed a good host despite Sooyoung being the one who invited them over, she is good at taking care of her friends, new or not.

When Jiwoo decides to sit beside Sooyoung on her own bed, it was a victory for the latter but not for Jungeun. She knows something is definitely wrong by the way Jinsol stayed silent most of the time today, and maybe, the only way to find out was to be beside her for the rest of the day and see how it unfolds. Jungeun was never someone to start a serious conversation in the first place, but for Jinsol, she’ll try.

Jungeun has watched the movie before, Music and Lyrics, the one with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. She thought the plot was cliché but she did like the song in the end. However, it was less of her worry right now as she tries to start a conversation with Jinsol.

It was when Alex Fletcher and Sophie Fisher met for the first time when Jungeun nudged Jinsol’s side, taking the opportunity to talk to her while Jiwoo and Sooyoung were too busy exchanging different opinions about the movie. Jinsol only answers with a hum while she raises her eyebrows, not sparing a single look in Jungeun’s direction.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jungeun asks with a low and quiet voice, afraid of drawing attention from the other side of the room.

“I’m totally fine.”

“Well, are we okay?” Jungeun finally gets Jinsol’s attention, as she sees her give in with a sigh.

“It’s just some stupid nickname, Jungie. Forget it.”

Oh, so that's what it is.  

“No, it’s not. If you want me to call you that, I will.” Jungeun’s tugs the sleeve of Jinsol’s sweater.

“Well, do you want to?” Jinsol asks, a pained expression in her eyes. “Do you ?”

“Yes.” Jungeun was eager to make ends meet as she faced Jinsol, seeing an adorable pout on her best friend’s face. “Don’t think of it as just a stupid nickname. It’s more than that. You’re more than that.”

Jinsol sneers. “More... stupid?”

“You’re so annoying, Soulie.” Jinsol’s color and smile was finally back.

With a snap of fingers, the tension finally died down and Jungeun finally felt lighter. It was like an unspoken thing between them: One can’t stay mad at each other for a long time. Talk, talk, talk! And ever since they both learned how to sulk on each other, days like that do come and they can’t avoid it. However, they just really talk to each other through it to understand each other’s feelings, and ever since, Jungeun won’t survive staying mad at Jinsol for a long time, and vice versa.

Jinsol slips her arm around Jungeun’s waist to play with her other hand while she watches the movie like she always used to, and Jungeun naturally leans on Jinsol’s shoulder, comfortably settling herself within her warmth. However, it wasn’t like any other day, for Jungeun felt her heartbeat irrationally in her chest. Like she was running a mile per minute, with how Jinsol gently takes her hand in hers, gently playing with it like it was the most precious thing in the world with the view of the bracelet on her wrist, that goddamn braided bracelet, the promise they have been holding on to each other that Jinsol still holds close to her heart.

At first, Jungeun tries to be casual about it. However, the faint brush of Jinsol’s lips at the back of her head sent her stomach to a frenzy of butterflies and every fuzzy feeling in between. Jungeun’s emotions were all over the place, and she wasn’t like this when Jinsol used to hold her just as close back home. 

“You know, I just realized I loved being called Soulie.”

“Why?”

“It’s because wherever we are, when you call me that, it feels a whole lot like home.”

It was when Alex Fletcher and Sophie Fisher recorded the demo for Way Back Into Love, the song that the movie revolved around, when Jinsol  pulled her closer and wrapped her frail arms around Jungeun tighter. Little did she know Jungeun was getting pulled much closer too, to the oblivion called Jeong Jinsol.

Jungeun was nineteen when she realized how having Jinsol around was making her feel all kinds of emotions. The idea was somehow new to Jungeun, but it was never new in the first place. 

(“Sooyoungie, are they dating? I thought you said they are best friends.”

“They are. They just don’t know it yet.”)

----------------------------------------------------

Jungeun was twenty-one when she realized it is not  forever that Jinsol will always be beside her, and Jinsol was twenty-three and oblivious.

It became a habit, Jungeun going home earlier than the fourth-year student Jinsol, the latter following an hour right after with their dinner on hand to be eaten with thousands of stories to tell. 

However, Jinsol was still not home two hours later than usual and it baffles Jungeun how not a single message is sent to her. Jungeun tries texting Sooyoung for her whereabouts, which was replied with ‘Sorry! Haven’t seen her since lunch!’, and Jiwoo who just answers ‘I’m the same year as you. How would I know?’.

Jungeun tries to focus on studying, not letting the growl of her stomach and ticking of the clock distract her from answering the stupid paper still due next week and— Jungeun had enough.

“Where is she, seriously?” Jungeun slams her hands on her table and fetches her coat from her closet, then heads for the door.

However, she stops her tracks when she hears the door being opened, her tight grip on her own coat loosens when she sees Jinsol smiling peculiarly with a tinge of pink on her cheeks while carrying a bag of what seems to be take-out Pad Thai.

“Hey, where are you going?” Jinsol’s eyebrows meet in confusion. 

Jungeun scoffs like Jinsol didn’t even feel the urgency to explain how worried Jungeun had gotten. “To look for you. You came home later than usual.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. I was out with… someone.” Jinsol smiles shyly and hands Jungeun the bag of her dinner. “I brought you dinner.”

“Someone? Like… on a date?”

“Something like that.” Jinsol removes her coat and throws herself to her bed face down, weariness finally coming to Jinsol.

If Jungeun was very hungry a while ago, the Pad Thai suddenly did not taste that good anymore though Jinsol bought it from the same place they ate at in the past. Not when she sees Jinsol was sitting on her bed with her eyes fixed on her phone with a smile on her face, talking to someone who was not Jungeun. 

It was not like Jungeun was gatekeeping Jinsol, no. She isn’t that kind of best friend. However, Jungeun was feeling a bit nauseous as she suddenly felt this weird pain piercing through her heart. The more she stayed within the vicinity of Jinsol’s lovesick aura, the more she suffocated.

It was not long enough, for like a week, when Sooyoung finally spills that a guy asked her out in their Chemistry class, a guy named Chanhyung. Based on Sooyoung’s stories, the guy was decent enough to go out with someone like Jinsol. (Jungeun would actually punch the guy if he wasn’t.)

Jinsol really doesn’t open up her own love life to Jungeun so she understands why Jinsol could only tell her as far as how their dates went and if she enjoyed it. Jinsol never really opened up to Jungeun what she was feeling whenever she was with him, if she felt all kinds of emotions and butterflies in her stomach, or if her heart skips a beat whenever she is around him.

Jinsol doesn’t go home at the usual time anymore. She doesn't even bring dinner home for Jungeun anymore, thanks to Jungeun's persistence and excuses. (Jungeun thinks the convenience food store food was more delicious right now, considering the lovesick smile on Jinsol’s face that Jungeun didn’t want to see whenever she brought home dinner, the smile Jungeun previously loved, which she now despises.)

Jungeun now takes the opportunity and spends more of her time with her same-age friend Jiwoo, going café hopping and even window-shopping, everything she could have been doing with Jinsol, her own best friend. However, Jungeun does hope she was enjoying her time with Chanhyung, also hoping that Chanhyung was treating her as if she is the most precious thing to ever walk on earth. (She is.)

“How come I never see you with Jinsol anymore?” Jiwoo asks while she the last of the cream off her spoon. 

“You know. We have our own lives and stuff. She goes out with this guy.” Jungeun suddenly loses appetite with Jiwoo’s sudden question. Jiwoo’s shoulders suddenly fall along with her smile.

“A guy? But, you like Jinsol. Do you?”

“What? Of course I like her. She’s my best friend.” Jungeun takes a sip from her iced americano to soothe her parched throat.

“Not like that!” Jiwoo pinches the bridge of her nose. “Like, you get this… feeling. This fuzzy feeling in your stomach and your heart beating like you ran a marathon. That kind of like.”

It amazed Jungeun how Jiwoo perfectly described how she was feeling around Jinsol. It was like Jiwoo experienced it already firsthand.

“She’s my best friend, Jiwoo. Do you know how hard that will be?”

“So? There isn’t really a rule book that states how you shouldn’t fall in love with your best friend.” Jiwoo says with a pointed look, standing firm to her own argument which Jungeun really doesn’t attempt to argue with.

“Enough with me. How about you? How is it going with you and Sooyoung?” Jungeun was quick to change the topic, catching Jiwoo off guard while her cheeks turned crimson red.

“N-Nothing’s going on! We’re just friends.” 

“I doubt you look at her like a friend.” Jungeun takes a bite of her cheesecake.

“She’s way out of my league, alright? She’s Ha Sooyoung! I’m… just her roommate.” Jiwoo’s shoulder falls once again. Jungeun should not be laughing right now but she still does. 

“If anything, you are the one out of her league.” Jungeun chuckles. “Sooyoung’s a loser. Don’t trust her dance club captain title.” Jungeun has known Sooyoung for years already, so she doesn’t see why Jiwoo won’t trust her. She should trust her. Jiwoo is more than what she thinks of herself.

“I don’t even know if she likes me.” 

“She does and if you’re talking about the like like, she will. You’re Kim Jiwoo. What’s there not to like?” Jungeun nudges Jiwoo’s arm to cheer and lift her spirits up. However, if Sooyoung does mess this up, she’ll smack the life out of her. 

“Gosh. I swear if Jinsol doesn’t act right, I’ll steal her best friend spot!” Though a joke from Jiwoo, Jungeun chuckles at it bitterly, remembering how the bracelet she gave Jinsol, the promise, was still around her wrist, as if there was still something to hold on to, like the feelings Jungeun has been harboring for her does not exist.

“Jungeun,” Jiwoo takes Jungeun’s wrist, grasping it lightly with a sympathetic look. “If you don’t tell her, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

“But at what cost? Our friendship?”

“Not really.” Jiwoo shrugs. “Well, when all else fails, at least you tried. And that’s what matters. You can’t just lock it in a safe and throw it away and be in pain while you watch h