Yeonjun had been Soobin’s friend since forever. As long as he remembers, he always had Soobin beside him. They practically grew up together, there’s not a single memory in which Yeonjun doesn’t see Soobin, be it a good or bad memory. Soobin was there for his first self-organised birthday party, he was there when he learnt how to ride a bicycle, when he first fell from said bicycle and, of course, Soobin was there when Yeonjun had his first crush.

During middle school, Yeonjun discovered that he was gay. It hadn’t been easy, as a 12 years old boy, to admit to himself that, contrary to all his friends, he didn’t like girls. He found them pretty, cute, but he never felt attracted to them. Of course, the first time he admitted that to himself, he ran to tell his best friend, Soobin. The latter had been a little bit surprised but tried to comfort Yeonjun as much as he could.

A couple of years later, the two best friends were now in high school and, as they both grew up well and became handsome boys, Yeonjun got a boyfriend. His name was Choi Beomgyu. He’s a very mischievous boy and he liked to tease Yeonjun a lot. That’s actually how they met, Yeonjun confronting him about all the teasing he was victim of and, one thing leading to another, they became closer and finally grew fond of each other.

They’d been together for almost 2 months now and Yeonjun was as happy as ever. They had a lot in common and they went on a lot of dates. For all that, Yeonjun never forgot about Soobin. They had their own best friend night, no one was allowed in on these nights, not even Beomgyu. Yeonjun remembered how Beomgyu had been jealous of Soobin for that, because he was allowed to have Yeonjun all to himself for a whole night, one night per week. That also had been the first time they’d kissed.

Soobin and Yeonjun’s best friend night were always on Fridays. When they were little, the only day they were allowed to stay up later than usual were Fridays and Saturdays. They had chosen Fridays because it was more convenient to spent the following day together if they had a sleepover and it stayed the same since.

Today was a Saturday and Soobin was walking Yeonjun back home.

“So, how’s it going with Beomgyu?” Soobin casually asked as they walked.

“It’s going well! He’s so sweet, really, I couldn’t hope for a better boyfriend. He’s always making sure I’m okay and yesterday we talked about our two months anniversary. It’s coming up and since he prepared something for our one month, I told him I wanted to be the one to surprise him this time.” Yeonjun explained, smiling from ear to ear.

“When is your anniversary again?” Soobin asked.

“It’s next week. How could you forget?” Yeonjun complained, hitting Soobin playfully on the arm.

“Stop hitting me! I have other things in mind than your relationship!” Soobin complained, rubbing his arm.

“Really? Things like… Arin noona?” Yeonjun teasingly asked.

“No! I already told you that I don’t like her like that! She’s tutoring me in maths and she’s older than me, she’d never look at me!” Soobin said, rolling his eyes.

“So, you admit that you’re disappointed that you don’t have a chance with her!” Yeonjun exclaimed.

They stopped at a crosswalk and Soobin turned to Yeonjun, looking serious. Yeonjun almost shivered at the gaze. Every time Soobin frowned and stared Yeonjun down, the latter felt weird in his stomach.

“I do not like Arin noona, is that clear? And maybe you should stop assuming I’m straight, that’s almost insulting at this point.” Soobin said, almost whispering the second part.

Yeonjun’s eyes widened and he stared at Soobin for some seconds.

“You’re not?” he asked, bewildered.

Soobin shook his head.

“I’m not.” He confirmed.

Yeonjun couldn’t believe it. Knowing that Soobin was not straight made him feel all bubbly inside but he brushed the feeling away.

“And when were you planning on telling me? Since when do you know?” he asked, so shocked he was almost shouting, making people look their way.

The pedestrian light turned green and Soobin sighed deeply.

“I’ve known for quite some time already and I never planned on telling you. I was waiting for you to ask me about it but I guess I’d been too hopeful to believe that my best friend would be interested in my ual orientation.” Soobin replied, looking everywhere but towards Yeonjun.

“Don’t say that. You know how much I care about you.” Yeonjun stated, hurt.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just never thought I’d have to tell you like this, on a crosswalk.”

“Hey, everything doesn’t have to be perfect. I think it’s great that you told me now instead of later in the confines of your room.” Yeonjun said, giggling. “But since when do you know?”

“You remember the day you told me about you?” he asked and Yeonjun nodded. “It was exactly one week before.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes. That’s why I was a bit taken-aback that day, I hope you didn’t think I was disgusted or something.” Soobin admitted, embarrassed.

“No! I never thought that! I figured you weren’t ready for it, I mean, I wasn’t ready for it! I know you’re not that kind of person, Soobinie, you’re the sweetest.” Yeonjun replied, smiling and ruffling Soobin’s hair.

“That’s a relief.” Soobin said, smiling as he adjusted his hair. “Are you going on a date with Beomgyu today?”

“Yes! He told me it’s a surprise so I’m super excited! But I think we’re going to the movies, I told him about that new horror movie that came out last week.” Yeonjun said, beaming.

He felt so happy to go on a date with Beomgyu. They often went on dates but lately it’s been a bit weird between them. Beomgyu had been a bit distant for some reason but Yeonjun didn’t push him to talk about it, he figured they’d do when Beomgyu would be ready.

The two friends walked in silence after that and soon enough they were standing in front of Yeonjun’s house.

“Well, I gotta go now but I hope you have a great date with Beomgyu.” Soobin said, smiling. Yeonjun noticed that his smile didn’t reach his ears now that they faced each other but he reckoned it was because he was tired. They didn’t exactly sleep last night, they’d been too engrossed into the series they were watching on Netflix to try sleeping more than 5 hours.

“Thanks, Soobinie.” Yeonjun replied, his jaw almost hurting from how wide he was smiling. He loved the fact that his best friend and boyfriend got along. He turned around to open the door when Soobin talked again.

“Yeonjun-ah?” he began and said boy turned around. “You look good. Love looks good on you.” He stated and immediately went away.

Yeonjun stood in front of his door, confused. Why had Soobin said that and why had he used that tone? He sounded sad instead of happy for Yeonjun. Why would he feel sad that his best friend was in a happy relationship? Yeonjun shook his head and opened the door.

“I’m home?” he said, toeing his shoes off and entering the living room.

“Are you sure, honey?” his mom asked from the couch, smiling.

Yeonjun looked confusedly at her, not getting it.

“Why are you asking?” he asked, going to kiss his mom on the cheek and sitting beside her.

“You seemed unsure about that for a second. Didn’t you hear yourself asking if you were home?”

“No, I didn’t. I guess I’m not in my right mind at the moment.” Yeonjun replied.

“Did something happen with Soobin?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

“Oh, that calls for chocolate ice cream and not that disgusting think you call ‘mint choco’.” His mom said, going to the kitchen and coming back with two spoons and a tub of ice cream. “Now, tell me what happened.” She said, giving a spoon to Yeonjun before opening the tub. It was a brand new one, Yeonjun wondered if she’d felt something like that would happen.

“I don’t know where to begin.” Yeonjun admitted, taking a spoonful of ice cream, it to warm it up before taking it whole in his mouth.

“What did he say?”

“He told me I looked good.”

“He’s not wrong.” Yeonjun’s mom joked, pinching her son’s cheek.

“He said love looks good on me.” Yeonjun added, looking at his mom. “What does it mean, mom?”

“Well, it means that he sees you happy in your relationship and he likes seeing it. You’re glowing up thanks to Beomgyu.” His mom explained.

“But how do I know if I’m in love?” Yeonjun asked, sounding totally lost.

“That’s a deep question.” His mom said, taking a spoonful of ice cream. She stayed silent for some moments. “You’re attracted to Beomgyu, right?”

“Of course! He’s my boyfriend and he makes me happy. I like him a lot. But I don’t know if I ‘love’ him.”

“Try asking yourself that question. Who do you love?”

“I love you, dad, grandma, grandpa and Soobinie.” Yeonjun answered, counting on his fingers.

“Soobin?” his mom asked, smiling.

“Yes, he’s my best friend, I love him a lot.” Yeonjun replied.

“Oh, you love him like a brother!”

“No! That’s weird, I don’t love him like a brother!” Yeonjun exclaimed, frowning.

“You practically grew up together, you really are like brothers. You know everything about each other, why is it weird for you to think of him as a brother?” she asked and Yeonjun thought about it for some moments.

She’s right. Yeonjun did grow up with Soobin, they know everything about each other. Even if Yeonjun is three months older than Soobin, he never treated him like a little brother. He takes care of him, always asks his whereabouts when they don’t see each other during the day, asks for a text when he reaches home. He cuddles him a lot too, Yeonjun loves cuddling with Soobin. It always makes him incredibly happy to feel Soobin’s arms around his body, to feel his body heat when he’s cold, to wake up entangled with him in the morning. He feels particularly warm and fuzzy when he does all of this with Soobin. With Beomgyu, it’s different. When he cuddles with Beomgyu, it feels a bit off because Beomgyu’s shorter and slimmer than Soobin, his body doesn’t warm Yeonjun up and Yeonjun hasn’t seen him waking up next to him in the morning yet.

Suddenly, Yeonjun remembered that time in middle school when he asked himself how it would feel to kiss Soobin’s pretty lips. His eyes widened and he looked back at his mom.

“Do you get it, now?” she softly asks and he nods. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I must break up with Beomgyu, I can’t stay with him if I’m in love with someone else.” Yeonjun shivered at those words. It was a whole new thing to say and to feel. “But I don’t know if my feelings are mutual.” He added, pouting.

“You know, I’ve seen you and Soobin grow up and if he didn’t love you back, I wouldn’t have helped you figure it out. There’s nothing worse than loving someone who doesn’t love you back and I hope you’ll never find yourself in this situation. I can’t be 100% sure but I really think Soobin loves you back. You probably never saw it because you were too blinded by your own unknown feelings, but the way he looks at you… it’s the same as your father’s.” Yeonjun’s mom said, beaming at her son.

Just then, Yeonjun received a text. He took his phone out and read Beomgyu’s text.

“It’s Beomgyu. He wants to meet up sooner. He’s on his way to pick me up.” Yeonjun told his mom.

“I think you should talk to him when he comes here.” She said, getting up. “Eat some more ice cream, I’ll be in my room if you need me.” she kissed Yeonjun’s forehead and went to her room.

Yeonjun began to feel nervous. He really didn’t want to hurt Beomgyu but he couldn’t stay with him either. He ate some more ice cream to calm himself before deciding it’d be better to just sit down and wait for Beomgyu while thinking of the worst scenarios. The worst scenario in Yeonjun’s opinion would be Beomgyu getting mad at him and crying. Oh gosh, if Beomgyu began to cry, Yeonjun wouldn’t know how to react, what to do. Now that he thinks about, the real worse scenario would be if Yeonjun began to cry. There’s no actual reason for him to cry to be honest, but he’s the type to get submerged by his emotions sometimes and that would be an awful moment for that to happen.

As Yeonjun was having those tormenting thoughts, the bell rang. He gasped, dried his sweaty hands on his pants and went to open the door.

“Hey.” He awkwardly said, trying to smile the most naturally possible.

“Hey.” Beomgyu replied, smiling.

Beomgyu came in and immediately made his way to the living room. He’d been here countless times before so it wasn’t something unusual. What caught Yeonjun’s attention though was the way he sat down on the couch. Weren’t they supposed to go on a date? Yeonjun brushed that thought off and sat beside Beomgyu.

“I’m sorry for coming sooner than what we agreed on, I hope it doesn’t bother you.” Beomgyu began.

“No, it’s okay. It’s great actually. I have something to tell you.” Yeonjun said, summoning all his courage up.

“Go ahead.”

Yeonjun took a deep breath and went for it.

“Let’s break up.”

Okay, that’s not how I wanted to say it, what the hell is wrong with me? Yeonjun thought, scolding himself for being so blunt.

To his surprise, Beomgyu laughed.

“Seriously? Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful?”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to tell you like that, I wanted to explain, to tell you why–” Yeonjun began, rambling.

“What’s your reason?” Beomgyu asked, cutting Yeonjun.

“I really really don’t wanna hurt you but I think being honest is the best way. I realised I don’t love you. I mean, I do love you but only as a friend, not as a boyfriend. You’re a good boyfriend though, really, you’re the best but you’re just not made for me. What I wanna say is that I’m not in love with you. I’m sorry.” Yeonjun said, looking down, feeling bad and stupid for rambling, once again.

“Hey, no need to apologise. You can’t control your feelings.” Beomgyu replied, placing a hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder. “Look at me.” he softly said and Yeonjun did so. “You might find this a bit ridiculous but actually I wanted to break up with you too.” He stated, a shy smile on his lips.

“What? But weren’t we supposed to go on a date?” Yeonjun asked, flabbergasted.

“That was only an excuse to come to your place. I’m sorry if you expected something.” Beomgyu apologised, blushing a bit. “It’s just… I met this guy at the arcade and we kinda bonded? I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a crush on him and I can’t stay with you if I’m crushing on someone else, you know? And I kind of figured out you didn’t love me. You’re in love with Soobin right?” he asked and Yeonjun shyly nodded. “Of course, he’s your best friend, it was kind of bound to happen.”

Yeonjun couldn’t believe it. Beomgyu wasn’t crying, he himself wasn’t crying. Beomgyu had come to tell him that he wanted to break up because he met someone else and he also knew that Yeonjun was in love with Soobin.

“Wait, how did you know about my feelings for Soobin?”

“Yeonjun-ah, you and Soobin are the only people who don’t know about it. Well, now that you know, Soobin is the only one left. It was so obvious but I still hoped that I’d be able to change your heart. Now, that’s in the past though. We spent almost two months together and I was very happy while it lasted but that guy, I like him a lot already.”

“When did you meet?”

“Last week. I was at the arcade with my brother and I was getting something to eat while he went to the toilet. I was searching for a table and I tripped and got all my ddeokbokki on this guy’s shirt – his name is Taehyun. I tried to convince him to let me wash his shirt and stuffs but he strongly declined so I bought him something to eat too and when my brother came back, he gave me his number. We’ve been texting a lot since and at first I didn’t think much of it but now I have a crush on him.” Beomgyu explained, his ears becoming beet red.

“That’s actually so sweet. I’m happy for you Beom-ah. I hope everything will turn out well for the both of you.” Yeonjun said, briefly hugging Beomgyu.

“Thanks, Yeonjun-ah. I hope everything will turn out well for you and Soobin too.”

“Thanks.”

After that, Beomgyu left – after promising to stay friends with Yeonjun – and Yeonjun went to see his mom in her room. He told her what happened and decided that he needed to go see Soobin.

 

Yeonjun was now waiting in front of Soobin’s house. His hands were sweaty and his throat dry. He tried recalling a time he’d been as nervous but couldn’t find any. Being in love with your best friend is not easy and Yeonjun hadn’t realised it until he was standing in front of this door he’d seen a thousand times already. This door which opened to his second home, like a second family was waiting for him inside. He took a deep breath and knocked slowly three times then quickly two times. He waited a few moments and the door opened, revealing Soobin.

He was standing in front of Yeonjun, his hair dishevelled and his lips puffy like he’d been asleep. His whole face screamed sleepiness and Yeonjun both wanted to coo and scream at how cute and pretty Soobin looked. How had he never noticed he felt like this for his friend?

“Hey.” Yeonjun said, his voice coming out stronger than he had expected.

“Yeonjunie? What are you doing here?” Soobin asked, rubbing his eyes.

“I have something to tell you… Can I come in?” Yeonjun asked, grinning nervously.

Soobin stared at him for a few seconds before letting him in and Yeonjun immediately made his way to the taller’s room.

As he was walking through the house, Yeonjun noticed that it was very quiet, as if no one but Soobin was at home. He also recalled that lately, every time he came here, it had been awfully quiet, like him and Soobin were the only ones in the house. He stopped and turned to Soobin.

“Soobinie, aren’t your parents at home?” he asked, wondering where they possibly could be on a Saturday.

“No, they went on a date. They told me they’ve been planning it for some time already but I think it was more a spur-of-the-moment decision.” Soobin replied, entering his room and going to sit on his bed.

Yeonjun followed him in, closing the door behind him and going to lie down on the bed.

“Will you lie down next to me?” he asked and Soobin complied.

Yeonjun didn’t know how or where to begin. He couldn’t just tell him, could he? He had to explain what had happened with Beomgyu too, he had to give Soobin some kind of context. Luckily for him, Soobin talked first.

“What happened with Beomgyu? Weren’t you supposed to go on a date?” he asked.

This time, Yeonjun heard the sadness Soobin tried his best to hide in his tone of voice. His heart hurt a little at that, he wondered how long Soobin suffered from this unrequited love – if it was true to begin with.

“Actually, we broke up.” Yeonjun simply answered.

He felt Soobin tense beside him, then relax, then tense again.

“Oh.” Was all the taller replied. For some seconds, they didn’t talk, their eyes fixed on the ceiling, not really knowing what to say. Then, Soobin talked again.

“I’m sorry for you, Junie. Can I ask why you broke up?” Soobin asked, nonchalantly – only Yeonjun heard how expectant and kind of unapologetic he was. It almost made Yeonjun laugh.

“He told me he met someone else and he wants to try with them. We parted on good terms though, we agreed to stay friends.” Yeonjun explained.

“That’s unexpected. I never saw you two breaking up, it was unimaginable. I guess everything can happen.”

Even without looking at him, Yeonjun knew Soobin was smiling, he could hear it in the tone of voice he used. Every time Soobin is happy or excited, his voice gets a little higher and when he tries to contain his emotions, his voice shakes, just like it did just now.

“Aren’t you sad though?” he asked and now concern was lacing his voice. Yeonjun closed his eyes, his heart swelling at how fond of Soobin he was. Such a sweet best friend he had, worrying about his well-being first.

“Not really. In fact, I was the one who wanted to break up, not Beomgyu.” Yeonjun replied, not saying why yet. He wanted – needed – to know if Soobin was interested in the reason why.

“W-why?” Soobin asked, his voice cracking. He was definitely getting his hopes up Yeonjun thought and he found that so endearing.

“I realised I didn’t love him. We had been together for almost two months already and I never felt something different when we were together. Thinking about it now, every date felt like a friendly outing, nothing more, nothing less. My heart never beat furiously when I was with him, when we held hands. Even when we kissed, I never felt that rush of electricity everyone talks about when they kiss their significant other for the first time.” Yeonjun explained, getting more nervous with every word. He knew the fateful moment was coming closer and he both expected and dreaded it.

He felt Soobin nod beside him but nothing more. Yeonjun understood his reaction, what could he even say to that? But just when he was about to go for it, his best friend asked him a question.

“So you feel the same way about Beomgyu that you feel for me? He’s just a friend?”

Yeonjun wanted to cry at how dejected and heartbroken Soobin felt. He shook his head.

“Yes, he’s just a friend. But I feel different about you –”

“Because I’m your best friend?” Soobin cut him.

“No, that’s not the reason. Let me try to explain it.” Yeonjun stated. “Right now, as I’m lying down next to you, I feel happy and content. I feel like I’m right where I belong.” He grabbed Soobin’s hand. “When I hold your hand or just when I touch you, it feels like my skin is on fire. It’s like all my blood rushes only to the part of my body that connects with you and it overwhelms me. It’s the best feeling in the world.” Yeonjun then his side to look right at Soobin. “And when I see you up-close, I can’t help thinking that you really are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Even if you look sleepy, even if you’re sick, even if you’ve got a stye on your eye, I always think that you look good. And I terribly want to kiss you right now.”

Soobin turned his whole body to him, his usually little eyes now open wide, staring at Yeonjun in disbelief.

“I-if that’s a joke, that’s a me-mean one.” He stuttered, his eyes filling up with tears.

“You know I’d never joke about my feeling. I’m sorry it took so long but I love you Soobin-ah, more than anyone in this world. Can I kiss you?” Yeonjun softly asked, tearing up himself.

Soobin slowly nodded and Yeonjun connected their lips. It was a chaste kiss at first, their lips only brushing but Yeonjun felt like his heart burst out in his chest, like he had been shocked. If only the mere touch of lips felt as fantastic, he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to really kiss Soobin.

No sooner had he thought that, that Soobin crashed their lips together, firmly this time. And god, how good it felt. Yeonjun felt like his whole body was burning, the fire spreading from his lips until the tip of his fingers, a fire so wonderful and warm he wanted to burn till the end of time. As he felt Soobin’s hand getting tangled in his hair, his own hands went to Soobin’s waist, gripping him tightly and pulling him so he was straddling him. The kiss became messy quickly, lips parting, tongues meeting and moans and whines echoing in the empty house.

Soon, they were both panting, almost breathless from the fiery kiss. When they finally parted, it took them some time to regain their breaths, staring at each other, still lost in the moment. After a few moments, Yeonjun broke the silence.

“Hey.” He said, making Soobin smile.

“Hi.”

“Well, I didn’t expect my confession to go like that but I hope you’re not too disappointed.” Yeonjun said, giggling out of embarrassment.

“I just made out with the person I’m in love with! How could I be disappointed?” Soobin replied, laughing.

“So, can I say that you’re my boyfriend now?” Yeonjun asked.

“I don’t know…” Soobin began, looking deep in thoughts. “Do you want me to be your boyfriend?” Soobin teased Yeonjun.

“Very much! Nothing could make me happier.” Yeonjun answered, eagerly nodding his head like a little kid.

“Then we’re boyfriends!” Soobin exclaimed, making Yeonjun laugh out loud.

“You’re so cute Soobinie!” Yeonjun said, pinching Soobin’s cheeks before pulling him down and briefly hugging him tight. When he looked back up at Soobin, he smiled. “Love looks good on you.”

“Love looks good on you too.” Soobin replied, leaning down to kiss his now boyfriend once again.