The water bordering on scolding cascaded down your back, burning your skin the same way your tears were burning your eyes. You scrubbed fiercely at your stomach, your thighs, your arms, hoping the more vigorously you rubbed, somehow the fat would just fade away.

 

You were normally okay about how you perceived your own appearance, but the second you were in the embrace of your showers 4 walls, your mind was clouded with pain like the steam that surrounded you. Holding you tightly in its grasp.

 

You’ve probably been sitting on the cold tiled floor for an hour now, keeping track of the time when left alone with your thoughts tended to be harder than you thought. You couldn’t help but stay curled up on the floor, perhaps if you stayed there long enough the fragility in your mental health would run down the drain along with the soap suds. 

 

You were so lost in your self-hatred you didn’t hear the bathroom door opening and closing, the shower door sliding allowing the man you didn’t want to see you like this sit behind you on the floor. “Chris-“ He shushes you and wraps you up in his arms. Embracing you in a different kind of warmth to the water that's still begging for your attention on your now sensitive skin.

 

You stayed wrapped up like this for a few minutes while Chris waited for you to calm down. You looked down at his hands, noticing how they couldn’t make it all the way around you and tried to pull him off of you in shame. Chris retaliated by grasping onto you tighter, pulling your form closer to his clothed one. “I’m sorry Chris.”

 

He presses a soft kiss to the nape of your neck, opting to rest his chin on your shoulder. “There's nothing to be sorry for, princess.” His calm breathing in your ear has calmed you down to a point you didn’t think he could achieve without saying anything.

 

You opened your mouth a few times trying to get something, anything out but you just can’t put any words together that’ll explain why you’re the way you are. “I just don't, I can’t look at myself.” The tears threatened to spill past your lash line, resting your head back on Chris’s shoulder in a poor attempt to stop the tears from falling. 

 

“I know, baby.” He rubs comforting shapes on your stomach for a minute or two before speaking again. “Why don’t we get up off the floor and talk on the sofa?” You looked down at his hands again, they were so beautiful. Rough but so gentle. Nodding, Chris stands up and offers you a hand up. Taking his offer you think about how grateful that these hands and the man they’re connected to are all yours. Somehow.

 

Chris quickly leaves to grab himself a dry set of clothes, coming back with new shorts on and no shirt, he hands you your robe from the hook on the back of the bathroom door, helping you put it on one sleeve at a time. But not before you could take in his toned stomach. So much flatter than yours. You thank him quietly and watch him as he grabs a towel from the shelf beside the marble vanity. He takes your hand and walks you out of the bathroom to the living room.

 

Chris sits on the sofa and you take your seat on the floor right in front of him fitting snugly between his legs. You both sit in a loving and comfortable silence as Chris dries your hair carefully with the towel. This was your routine after every shower that left you in this state. You did the same for Chris one night when he was having a particularly hard night. 

 

There's something so intimate about a task as simple as drying your partner's hair after a shower. Chris dropped the damp towel onto the floor beside you and helped you up onto the sofa, placing you right next to him. He pulled you into him, kicking your legs up onto the sofa you lay against him, finally taking the chance to take in his scent. Melting into him, he runs his fingers up and down your thigh. “You’re so breathtaking, here in my arms. All mine.” 

 

You look up at him, making eye contact for the first time since you left for a shower in the first place. The blue contacts he had in making you smile up at him. You loved that colour, it made his already golden complexion appear ten times more caramelised. Your eyes flitter to his lips, of course, he notices. He kisses you ever so gently, it's a simple but loving exchange. Pulling away he smiles at you, the look on his face reads as though you’re something as valuable as air. 

 

“You know I love you?” You nod.

“You know you’re everything I want and more?” You hesitate.

 

“You are worth so much more than you know. To have you in my arms right now is a blessing, you are more than I could ever ask for.” You can’t help but look away, you pull your legs closer to your chest to try and hide away from your lovers gaze. Chris squeezes your thigh, prompting you to straighten out again. “I mean every word.” 

 

You relax into him again, “You know you’re everything I want and more?” He treats himself, sounding like less of a question this time and more of a statement. You nod. You don’t hesitate this time, you really do believe him. “Good girl.” Those words fall from his lips like honey, you pull him into another kiss, hastier than the last one. You wanted to taste the sweetness of his words while you could. Chris smiles against your lips.

 

Resting your head against his bare chest now, you snuggle into him more and caress his stomach the same way he did yours earlier. He chuckles quietly and takes your hand, kissing your palm before he puts your hand back on his stomach, resting his hand on top of yours.

 

You close your eyes and exhale, all of the stress, doubt and disrespect for your own body leaving you in one breath. “Thank you, Chris.” He hums and intertwines his fingers with yours. Closing his eyes too, you both fall asleep tangled in each other on the sofa.