Baekhyun is not a crybaby. He was just extremely emotional at the moment. It was definitely not because it was supposed to be his and his ex-boyfriend’s 4^th anniversary today which was an odd thing to remember considering they’ve been broken up for a year 3 months, and 3 days.

Not that he was counting.

Okay, maybe he was, but can you blame him? If the supposed to be love of his life turned out to be just some other guy that dumped him for the cliché reason “It’s not you, it’s me”, and then turned to leave him without even looking back to at least give him a last smile, glance, or just anything?

Yeah, you can’t.

So, there he was a pint of strawberry ice cream in his hands, crying over Spirited Away and the scene where Zeniba tells Chihiro the quote “Once you’ve met someone you never really forget them”. And Baekhyun was nodding vigorously to this quote, yelling “Yaaas Queen” or something. He should probably get off the internet since he’s been spending too much time there chatting with Sehun and Jongin who had been teaching him those internet slangs kids use these days.

He wasn’t that old to begin with, but he didn’t actually had time to venture the internet with how much time he spent with his boyfriend. Oh, wait, ex-boyfriend.

 At that thought, Baekhyun let out an ugly cry again, only muffling it after eating a spoonful of his ice cream.

After finishing the movie and also finishing his ice cream, he wiped his tears dry with the tissues he specifically prepared for this crying session. But after everything today, he resolved that this would be the last time he’d have to have this kind of self-therapy. He was a strong man, and he’s ready to prove that.

He got his phone and immediately typed in his notes.

HOW TO GET OVER PARK CHANYEOL

by Byun Baekhyun

 Wait, that sounds too specific, and Baekhyun didn’t like seeing his name.

Backspace. Backspace. Backspace.

  HOW TO GET OVER A BREAK-UP

by Byun Baekhyun

That’s more like it.

After thinking things through, Baekhyun quickly typed the first one, smiling at it proudly.

1. Tell yourself this would be the last time you’d cry over him.

He was off to a good start. He thought.

 

 

 

 

2. You're just not used to being alone.

 Baekhyun had typed that several days later after he started thinking he missed Chanyeol. He honestly forgot about that list of his until boredom struck him and he ended up looking at all the applications on his phone. Sometimes when he had days like this when he didn’t have anything to do, he’d feel this intense yearning for his ex-boyfriend again. Thinking that with him, his day will become whole or at least, it’d be something he can spend with another person, which was ultimately better than his situation right now.

Today, though, he typed in those words on his phone, reminding himself that maybe he wasn’t just used to being alone yet. Maybe because he spent so much time with Chanyeol he forgot how to felt to function without a second body near him.

He woke up alone and tried cooking for once, eventually having to eat toast because he burned the bacon he was cooking. Even getting ready for the day made him feel his solitude even more because of the absence of the singing voice in his shower. But he was alone once before Chanyeol came, right? So, it’s just a matter of learning to get back to what he used to be before his ex-lover came into his life.

It was different, but it was something he’ll get used to.

3. You’ll get used to it.

Baekhyun wondered how long it’d have to take, though.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun might come off creepy if somebody saw him doing all those smiley faces in front of his bathroom mirror. Practicing greeting people with a smile, talking to people with a smile, laughing at jokes – it all seemed too forced. But he had to do it because it was one of his tips in moving on.

4. Practice smiling in the mirror, especially for your friends.

You see, he believed that if you do it often, you’ll eventually get used to it and will come as second nature to you. This is why he was practicing the smile he’ll have to show people, to assure them that he was happy and fine and getting through this with a positive mind.

No matter how false and wrong it was, but hey, wouldn’t want to burden other people with his problems.

After some few more practices, he decided that he was ready to meet Kyungsoo at a café nearby. It was their favorite place to hang out in and it has been weeks since they last saw each other, so they have things to talk about and catch up with. Mostly Kyungsoo and his job as part of a band that went around the country to perform. He has lots of stories to tell and Baekhyun was ready to listen. This was also healthy for him; social interaction was good for him according to an article he read online. It was entitled “Ten steps to moving on” and was surprisingly very helpful.

He was the first to reach the café, so he sat down and ordered his and Kyungsoo’s drinks. He didn’t need to ask his best friend since college days to know what he wanted. As he said, they always went there and Kyungsoo only ever ordered one thing and it was the café’s trademark hot chocolate. Kyungsoo wasn’t a big fan of coffee unlike Baekhyun who worshipped Iced Americano like a god, so that was his usual.

When Kyungsoo arrived, a smile immediately made its way to Baekhyun’s lips.

5. Actually, smile for your friends.

Baekhyun hoped for the best that Kyungsoo wouldn’t see past his façade. His best friend was, thank god, oblivious about it. Too preoccupied in filling Baekhyun with the latest gossip about who is dating who in his band. Apparently, Sehun, their youngest and drummer, was harboring feelings for their bassist, Jongin. Jongdae, one of their vocalists, was, as usual, still living the bachelor life as well as Yixing, their pianist. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon, one of the other vocalists, couldn’t be bothered about their own love lives and well, their guitarist,

“Chanyeol’s still single,” Kyungsoo casually said, but was quick to realize what he just did. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun’s smile only widened, “It’s fine.” It should be because he should have expected this. He is his best friend’s band mate and he could only do so much to avoid hearing his name, or talking about him, or knowing these little updates about him.

Kyungsoo raised his eyebrow. ‘Now he’s doubting me,” Baekhyun thought.

“How are you? With everything that’s happened?” Kyungsoo asked.

Baekhyun smiled even more, persisting, insisting, that he was okay.

6. Especially when they ask you how you've been.

 “As I said, I’m fine. It’s been what? More than a year?” Baekhyun answered, smile plastered on his face. It almost looked like a mask, though who said it wasn’t? But he had to seem fine or Kyungsoo would have this phase again wherein he would ignore Chanyeol no matter what just because he broke his best friend’s heart. He didn’t want that, he didn’t want to ruin the band’s relationship with each other, their dynamic.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, falling for Baekhyun’s lies.

Baekhyun smiled and the pair shifted to a new topic, falling into a conversation that lasted for hours.

 

 

 

 

7. Tell yourself you don't miss him.

Baekhyun groaned as he sat up on his bed. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table and saw that it was only 2 in the morning. He’s been having trouble sleeping lately because of the cold. His heater ed itself up and he haven’t had the time to have it fixed. Usually, Baekhyun wouldn’t mind the cold because a certain someone would be sharing body heat with him under the blankets and that would be enough for him.

But that certain someone, who goes under the name Park Chanyeol, was gone in Baekhyun’s life now, so he had to it up and deal with everything on his own.

He doesn’t miss him. He constantly tells himself that. Having to do the things they used to do now, on his own, was hard and Baekhyun always thought that it would be easier, better, if Chanyeol was back there with him. It wasn’t right to think that, but he couldn’t help it.

Sometimes, he just really missed him. So, he reminds himself that,

8. Again, you're just adjusting to being alone.

Baekhyun wondered once again how long it’d have to take.

 

 

 

 

 

9. Find a ing hobby.

He at this. He was supposed to be the artistic one in his family, but now he stared at the different colored brush pens in front of him and realized how hard this was. Yes, he decided to try some sort of calligraphy. Finding a hobby might get his mind off of things and it was better to suffer like this than to constantly think of sweet memories now turned bitter. 

“!” Baekhyun screamed as he accidentally put pressure on a line going upwards. The YouTube video specifically said to put pressure on lines going down and Baekhyun was beginning to get frustrated because he just can’t get it right.

He closed his laptop and let out a huff. Maybe this hobby wasn’t meant for him.

‘So everything’s just conspiring not to be meant for me now?’ Baekhyun thought. He sighed and grabbed one of the brush pens again. No, Chanyeol must be having the time of his life right now being able to do something he loves which was playing the guitar and touring and all that. Baekhyun had to step up his game, prove he can eventually learn something, learn to love something again.

10. No matter how much practice you need.

Baekhyun beamed when he finished a decent one. It was of the quote from the Spirited Away movie and it was pretty okay for a starter like him. He took a picture of it and uploaded it on his Instagram saying #SpiritedAway and #YasQueenZeniba and finally, #TryingSomethingNew.

He felt contented when his friends praised him for it and was pretty surprised that it got so many likes that he didn’t notice one user liking it.

He never did.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was a good friend, he was Baekhyun’s best friend, but sometimes he did things that surprised Baekhyun like,

“I set you up on a blind date!”

Like right now.

Baekhyun almost spat out the drink in his mouth at Kyungsoo’s words. “Blind date?” He asked. Still not believing Kyungsoo. How the did his best friend even find a guy willing to go on one of those. What were they? Back in their early 20’s?

“Yeah! I have this friend from high school who is also into arts like you,” Kyungsoo explained. Baekhyun only stared at him, mouth agape.

Kyungsoo laughed, “What? Don’t believe me?” He asked.

Baekhyun shook his head, “No, not that, it’s that, aren’t I too old for blind dates?”

“He’s about your age as well, so I guess you’re both too old for it together!” His best friend replied. Baekhyun could only sigh. If Kyungsoo made his mind up, you really can’t argue with him anymore. All you have to do is accept it and hope for the best.

So,

11. Blind dates, anyone?

Baekhyun looked at himself in the mirror several times, fixing his polo’s tuck-in and fixing his belt’s fit. He dressed to impress because as Kyungsoo told him, this man he was going to meet was handsome and proper. Baekhyun didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of anyone especially someone who’s a potential lover or something.

He didn’t actually have his hopes up, but Kyungsoo did. He even told Baekhyun how much of a perfect match they were, better than what he had with Chanyeol. Baekhyun almost winced at his ex’s name, but remembered Number 5 and just gave a grin and nod to Kyungsoo’s statement. There was nothing he can do anyway; he couldn’t say no to his best friend especially when he was giving all this effort for him to forget and move on from Chanyeol.

With a last glance, Baekhyun grabbed his jacket and went out of his apartment. He drove to a restaurant and gawked at the place Kyungsoo reserved for them. He was extremely lucky that he chose to wear slacks because the place was fancy as . Kyungsoo told him that it was his treat for the both of them, and now Baekhyun felt guilty and wished this would go really well with how much his friend spent on it.

“Reservation for Do Kyungsoo?” He asked the receptionist who immediately looked at her book. She nodded when she found the name and led Baekhyun to his seat. Luckily, he was there first so he had time to look around and admire the interior visuals of the place.

Soon though, a man, who looked too hot to be his date, stood in front of him. “Byun Baekhyun?” He asked. Baekhyun could only nod as he was rendered speechless by the man’s looks.

“Hi, I’m Lee Joongi! Kyungsoo’s friend!” The hot man, or now Joongi, reached out his hand for a shake. Baekhyun quickly did just that, pulling out a smile.

“I’m Byun Baekhyun, as you already said,” Baekhyun greeted, smile getting wider. This might go better than expected.

12. Or not.

It was exactly only 1 hour and 30 minutes and Baekhyun may have had a little more of champagne than he could handle. He was already tipsy and crying over his ex in front of a potential special someone. Joongi was, well, sober and was trying to calm Baekhyun from ugly crying in a five-star restaurant. The waiters eventually stopped giving them the complimentary champagne seeing the state Baekhyun was in and people started giving them odd looks.

Joongi only forced a smile as he hauled Baekhyun out of the restaurant. He had an arm wound around the drunk man’s waist and placed Baekhyun’s one arm around his shoulders. It was embarrassing, but a bit amusing as well. Joongi definitely haven’t had a blind date like this. It was one of a kind and something he will remember since he hoped that Baekhyun and him will remain friends.

Friends. That would be fine because the drunk man he’s helping to walk right now was absolutely not in the right heart to be in a relationship with the way he was slurring this Chanyeol guy’s name as he cried and drank.

“Baekhyun, can you understand me? Where do you live? I want to help you get home,” Joongi said.

No response.

He turned to look only to see that Baekhyun had fallen asleep. He chuckled and decided to call Kyungsoo, explaining everything. The vocalist offered to go to him and fetch Baekhyun, but Joongi insisted he stay at his rehearsals and he’d be the one to help Baekhyun get home. Kyungsoo gave him the address and when he successfully got the sleeping man’s car from the valet, he drove them off.

Luckily, Baekhyun sobered up after his sleep and was awake enough to let himself in to his own apartment not before bowing and saying thank you and sorry to Joongi who accepted them with a light heart.

He reached out a hand for the second time that night, “Friends?” Joongi asked.

Baekhyun smiled, “Friends.”

13. But still, meet new people! No matter how kind of relationship you build with them as long as it's not bad.

 

 

 

 

 Baekhyun didn’t know what to do. Kyungsoo just invited him to one of their gigs this weekend and he didn’t know if was going to be the supportive best friend to Kyungsoo or a cowering, weak, haven’t-moved-on ex-boyfriend to Chanyeol. Both was something he was currently, but he has to pick because his decision of going or not going relied on who he will be for the weekend.

Wait. He quickly reached for his phone and went to the notes application. He typed in a new entry to his list, hoping it would work this time.

14. Tell yourself you're over him.

“You’re over him, you’re over him, you’re over him…” He mumbled to himself as he paced around his living room. He glanced at the calendar and saw that it has been a year, 4 months, and 2 days since Chanyeol and him broke up.

He was over him.

15. Until you believe it's true.

Right?

 

 

 

 

It was the day of the gig and Baekhyun was dressed up in his leather pants, white shirt, boots, and some chains. His eyes were lined and had this smokey maroon look. His cheeks were popped with some color and sparkled with the help of his trusty highlighter. He was dressed to kill because after all, this was no ordinary gig he was going to attend to. This was EXO’s gig, one of the rising indie bands in Korea.

He drove to the place which was this huge famous club in the city. He saw people dressed similar to him going in the main entrance. He didn’t have to do that; he was best friends with one of the vocalists after all.

When Baekhyun entered EXO’s backstage room, he was immediately greeted by an arm around him and knuckles ruffling his hair.

“Baekhyun! Long time no see!” Jongdae exclaimed. He stopped giving Baekhyun a noogie but kept an arm around him. The latter only laughed at this and looked around the room, everyone was there except him.

But that didn’t matter because today, Baekhyun was the supportive best friend of EXO’s vocalist Do Kyungsoo.

“Hey, Baekhyun hyung! Glad you can come!” Sehun exclaimed from the couch where he was sitting next to Jongin who had an arm around the youngest. Maybe they got together already, Kyungsoo would update him later anyway.

Baekhyun gave them both a smile.

“I’m glad to be here, you guys are really something now, huh?” He said. It was true and he was a witness to that. He watched the band grow and grow and he couldn’t be prouder.

“Oh, Baekhyun, you’re here!” Minseok, the manager, entered the room. Baekhyun gave him a wide smile, but it quickly almost slipped away when the next person followed after him.

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol bowed his head a bit. It was kind of formal, but they haven’t been in speaking terms lately so he guessed it’s normal?

So, there he was, his ex-boyfriend, rocking some ripped jeans and a leather jacket. His hair dyed black and swept to the side like a comma. There was also some hint of make-up on his face, maybe just not to look dull on stage. But anyhow, he was also dressed to kill and Baekhyun had to admit that.

Baekhyun internally panicked because he thought he’d be meeting his ex when Kyungsoo was around, which meant someone helping him to avoid Chanyeol as much as possible, but here they are.

16. When you see him, act natural and put that smile on your face that you practiced for so long.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun gave him one of his smiles. He wasn’t actually quite sure if it was real or fake because he was sure scared of seeing his ex-lover again, but at the same time glad to finally see him again.

His heart was confused, maybe this was a bad idea after all. The atmosphere in the room fell into an awkward state and he didn’t know what to say. Act natural his ing , it was easier said than done, but at least he got that smile going.

Chanyeol only smiled back slightly, obviously still not comfortable being around his ex. Baekhyun wanted to tell him to it up because they eventually have to get used to it, but that just wouldn’t be right, would it?

The room’s dropping atmosphere was saved when the rest of the band members, including Kyungsoo, came in announcing that the show will be starting in a few minutes. Baekhyun bid them goodbye but not before hugging them one by one, wishing them the best. He stopped in front of Chanyeol and hesitated to give him one, but did anyway. He wrapped his arms around him lightly and whispered,

“Good luck.”

Before leaving. It was only him acting natural. Nothing more.

Baekhyun’s reddened face said otherwise though.

 

 

 

 

When Baekhyun got home from the gig, he immediately took off his shoes and laid on his bed. He was extremely tired from all that raving and jumping to the beat, but it was amazing. EXO was amazing as usual. He was so proud of them and maybe he’ll make some fanart for them as a congratulatory gift when he had spare time.

He usually did that before for the members, but of course the one he mostly drew was his ex-lover. Baekhyun used to draw him from mere memory and he’s sure that until now, he still can. He doesn’t have a reason to that anymore though because they were broken up.

The silence in Baekhyun’s apartment bothered him so much. After EXO’s gigs, Chanyeol would usually go home with him and they would laugh or cuddle or do something more than that. This time he was greeted by silence which should probably bring him peace, but instead it brought him heartache. He reached for his phone, typed in his notes something he had typed so often,

17. Again, maybe you're just not used to being alone.

 Baekhyun hoped he could get used to it fast because it hurt him so much.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun didn’t know how he got into this situation. All he knew was he wanted to do some grocery shopping for a change and maybe not eat take-out for the whole damn month, but of course something like this had to happen.

He just had to bump into Chanyeol. The Chanyeol, ex-lover Chanyeol, “It’s not you, it’s me” Chanyeol. How small was this ty world?

“Hi,” Baekhyun said.

18. Remember, just act natural!!!

 “Hey,” Chanyeol said back. Here comes the awkward atmosphere, rolling back in at lightning speed.

“Sooooo, how are you?” Baekhyun asked, turning to the fruits and pretending to be picking one. Yes, they were in the fruits aisle, funny place to meet at.

“I’m fine, just buying some stuff,” Chanyeol answered.

“Oh,” Baekhyun said, grabbing an apple, “Okay. Me too! Weird, right?” He laughed.

Chanyeol laughed, at least sounding genuine, “Yep. Have you learned to cook?”

Baekhyun actually let out a loud laugh at that, but quickly composed himself when he caught Chanyeol staring at him, “No, but I’m planning to! Hoping not to burn something!”

Chanyeol only smiled, “I hope that, too.” Baekhyun was ready to tell him that he didn’t have to worry because it wasn’t like he was going to be in Baekhyun’s apartment to watch it burn, but he kept his mouth shut instead.

“Okay, need to go now! See you around!” Baekhyun was about to leave when Chanyeol grabbed his wrist, quickly letting go, though when he realized what he did.

“Well,” Chanyeol started. “I can teach you how to cook if you want? I’ll be the one to come by your apartment?” He offered.

19. Say “No.” to anything he has to offer.

 “Sure.” .

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun cleaned his apartment like there was no tomorrow the day Chanyeol texted him if it was okay to come over not before asking if the number was still Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun replied “Yes” to both which he quickly reprimanded himself for. What happened to Number 19? He ed that up twice! So here he was scrubbing his dishes and pans to get ready for their cooking lesson and Baekhyun can only wish he won’t embarrass himself today.

When the doorbell of his apartment rang, Baekhyun had to calm himself down for about 5 minutes before opening the door. He still contemplated if this was a good idea, but Chanyeol was already here so what could he possibly do.

“Hey,” Chanyeol smiled as soon as Baekhyun opened the door. He was dressed casually with some simple denim jeans, a flannel top, and some sneakers. He was also wearing a cap and shades, but Baekhyun assumed those were for disguise.

“Hi,” Baekhyun greeted and opened the door wider, “Come in.”

When Chanyeol entered, he looked around the place and his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape. Probably impressed that the apartment was actually clean since Baekhyun doesn’t just not cook but he also doesn’t clean as often as he should. Baekhyun was quite impressed with himself, too, if he must be asked.

“Wow, it’s so clean, so…” Chanyeol trailed, still looking around the room. Baekhyun raised his eyebrow.

“Weird?” Baekhyun continued for him. Chanyeol laughed and nodded, “Yeah.”

Baekhyun quickly put a hand on his chest and scoffed, acting offended, “Excuse me! I’ve always been a tidy person!”

Chanyeol laughed and it boomed in his apartment. Suddenly, Baekhyun felt as if his apartment became livelier, like it was just missing Chanyeol to become brighter again. He never realized how much of a human sun his ex-boyfriend was in his life until he lost him. Now he’s here and Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile. His apartment felt like home now.

But he knew it’s temporary because soon Chanyeol would have to leave and the lights would dim once again.

“Okay, okay, whatever you say!” Chanyeol exclaimed. He turned to look at Baekhyun, “So, let’s start?” Chanyeol asked with a smile.

Baekhyun smiled back, he guessed he would just have to treasure this light while Chanyeol’s here.

“Sure.”

 

 

 

 

Time moved so fast, too fast, for Baekhyun. The day ended quickly and he had learned nothing, as in zero, from Chanyeol’s patient teaching. He tried his best, he really did.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol, I just can’t understand how you can cook so perfectly,” Baekhyun groaned as they sat on the couch, finally getting some rest. They both had a can of soda in their hands because after all those weird-tasting food Baekhyun managed to come up with, they deserved something to wash off the taste.

“It just takes practice, like me playing the guitar, or you drawing,” Chanyeol said. Baekhyun stared at him dumbly, not really getting the analogy. Chanyeol just laughed it off.

“Anyway, you tried your best, so that’s okay,” the guitarist smiled, all those pearly teeth coming out.

Baekhyun flushed red and looked away immediately. He loved that smile of Chanyeol’s, it would bring so much joy in him. He finally saw it up close once again after a very long time. He missed it, he missed Chanyeol and it hurt.

“I guess you should be heading off now,” Baekhyun said as he looked at his watch. “Can’t have you missing some well-deserved rest because of me!” He said as he stood up and walked to the door. Chanyeol eventually followed after finishing his soda and throwing it in the trash.

Baekhyun opened the door for his ex with a small sad smile. Chanyeol was leaving and the apartment would feel less like home again.

“I had a fun time today, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said, beaming. Baekhyun nodded, a genuine smile coming to his lips.

“Me too.”

“You know, I missed you,” Chanyeol suddenly confessed, “I really did.”

Baekhyun stiffened at this, but he forced a smile, “Goodnight, Chanyeol. Take care.” And he closed the door, not giving Chanyeol a chance to reply nor giving himself a chance to say what he truly wanted to say.

When he heard footsteps fading, he slid down the door and stared blankly at his empty apartment. I missed you, too, that was what he wanted to say. There were so many things he wanted to confess to Chanyeol, but he knew no matter what he said, it wouldn’t change anything.

He grabbed his phone and quickly typed in his notes,

20. Maybe spending time with him again is not helping.

 But he couldn’t help to want more.

 

 

 

 

And more he got.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol remained in contact after their first cooking session. They would casually update each other of the events of their days and caught up with what they missed in each other’s life. They would sometimes meet in cafés to just hang out or they were even becoming more casual whenever they meet in gigs. It raised a few, or maybe all, eyebrows, but the other band members shrugged this off as them being friends again.

However, Baekhyun hasn’t moved on yet and he’s pretty sure Chanyeol just considers them as friends so one time before Chanyeol arrived at the café they agreed on meeting at, he whipped out his phone to type in his notes.

21. You’re just friends. I repeat, FRIENDS.

 He gave number 21 a sad smile before a tap on his shoulder surprised him. It was Chanyeol, so Baekhyun quickly turned off his phone and gave him a smile.

“Hey! What were you typing?” Chanyeol asked as he sat on the chair in front of Baekhyun. Baekhyun shrugged, “Nothing, just a reminder.”

And with that the topic was dropped.

Their hangout session ended when Chanyeol was called for rehearsals and Baekhyun, in turn, needed to do a commission for a client. Chanyeol dropped off Baekhyun at his studio and gave him a small smile.

“Until next time?” Chanyeol said. Baekhyun nodded, “Yeah.”

Chanyeol drove away after and when Baekhyun was sure he was miles away, he let out a huge squeal, but composed himself when he realized what he was feeling.

No, this can’t be. His feelings are getting stronger and that’s a bad thing. So, he reminds himself,

22. Maybe spending time with him again is REALLY not helping.

But Baekhyun can’t help really help but want more.

 

 

 

 

The next time they meet or more like Baekhyun sees Chanyeol, it was during another gig of the band. Baekhyun had the pleasure to once again roam backstage and greet the staff who became friendly and comfortable with him. He was searching for Chanyeol and opened the band’s waiting room when he saw an unsightly scene in front of him.

There was this girl sitting on Chanyeol’s lap with arms hooked around his neck. Baekhyun immediately closed the door quietly, not letting his presence be known to the two.

He walked past the other members silently, not bothering to talk to any of them, even Kyungsoo, who was immediately alarmed and opened the door to the waiting room.

“What the actual , Park Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo shouted. Chanyeol stood up and the girl went tumbling down the floor.

“Look, I can explain, please don’t get mad.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, “Do you know who else you have to explain to? Baekhyun. He was here and he saw you two doing whatever you are doing!”

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun was here?” Chanyeol asked.

“Of course he was! He just left!”

Chanyeol immediately bolted out the door after hearing that. He tried to search the whole backstage but Baekhyun must have already left.

And he had. Baekhyun was in his car, driving while tears were streaming down his face. ‘Stupid! Stupid!’ he thought. How could he have been so stupid to think that he had a chance with Chanyeol again. All those reminders, all those rules, all for nothing! Here he was back to square one because he was so stupid to let Chanyeol back into his life.

When he reached his apartment, his phone buzzed due to a call. He checked and saw that it was Chanyeol. He didn’t know if wanted to answer it or not, but he opted not to. He couldn’t handle more heartbreaks today.

He declined the call, went to his notes app and typed.

23. Stop hoping because they might as well get crushed.

 

 

 

 

Days passed and Baekhyun busied himself in his studio. Opting not to answer personal calls or messages, not even from Kyungsoo. He buried himself in work and did commission after commission after commission. Burying his heart in work was like first aid for him and his heartbreak or whatever you call it.

Baekhyun thought he was being unfair, because he has no right to be angry or jealous, but he came to realize that he was angry at himself for hoping that there could be another chance. He was frustrated because he thought there was something, but it was one sided all along.

He was just so disappointed, but now he knows what to do.

This time he’s going to take his time to heal.

When he finally opened his phone after hours or even days of not doing so, he wasn’t surprised by the amount of messages and calls from both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. Now, it’s just a matter of who to reply to. The obvious option was Kyungsoo and Baekhyun knew that, but the temptation of contacting Chanyeol and just go back to what they were before all of this were there.

However, he shifted to the notes app and opted to write down another reminder in his growing list instead.

24. Forgetting any of these steps has a repercussion. Be ready for the pain.

And deep inside, all along, Baekhyun knew that this was bound to happen, but he was stupid enough to push through with his feelings, not knowing if they were reciprocated or if they were even acknowledged. It was wrong for him to assume though, so yes, it’s his fault.

Groaning, he stood up from his chair and stretched, leaving his phone on his desk. He heard a knock on his door, and he assumed once again that it was Kyungsoo.

And yes, he was wrong.

There in his glory, ripped jeans, baggy hoodie, and sneakers was Park Chanyeol. The reason why he’s been avoiding everyone for at least a week. He wanted to slam the door right there, but Baekhyun thought back again. He was not necessarily angry at Chanyeol, he was angry at himself.

“Um, yes?” Baekhyun barely managed to ask. Chanyeol looked nervous and disheveled. His hair looked like he ran his hands through it a million times which might be true.

“I came to see you, c-can I come in?” Chanyeol asked, stuttering. Baekhyun wondered why because he wouldn’t do anything bad to Chanyeol because it’s not like he cheated on Baekhyun. If any, it was Baekhyun who had to apologize for blowing things out of proportion.

“Sure,” Baekhyun simply answered. Chanyeol stepped into the studio and looked around. He’s been there before, back when Baekhyun and him were still dating. Although there were some changes done like a new painting hung and the new table, but overall, it was the same.

“Your studio, it’s still as nice as I remembered it,” Chanyeol complimented.

“Well, it’s nice to have something constant in my life,” Baekhyun said, sounding rather harsher than expected. Chanyeol cringed at this because an angry Baekhyun is scary and it’s starting to show. When he expected more, a sigh came his way and surprised him.

“What do you want, Chanyeol? Look I have a lot of work to do and if you-“ Baekhyun was cut off when Chanyeol started to speak.

“Baekhyun, I know you saw what you saw, but please let me expla-“ This time it was Chanyeol’s turn to be cut off.

“You don’t have to explain anything, Chanyeol. We’re not together anymore and I shouldn’t care who you are with or whatever,” Baekhyun was tired, he just wanted to drown in his work again and get tired because of other reasons. This was emotionally draining him.

Chanyeol ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up again, “You don’t understand, Byun. I want to explain, and I don’t want you to not care of who I am with or whatever.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrow, “I’m not following.”

“I want you to care for me again, to be with me again,” Chanyeol confessed. Baekhyun was taken aback.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Byun Baekhyun, I want you to be my boyfriend again,” Chanyeol stated proudly, “Is that clearer?”

“I don’t understand, how about the girl? Park Chanyeol are you two timing?” Baekhyun asked, clearly still confused.

Chanyeol chuckled, “That’s where my explanation begins. That girl was a fan who found me backstage and threw herself at me. You saw us when I was frozen in shock by what she did.”

Baekhyun sighed, “God, I could have saved myself from all the heartbreak if I just answered your first phone call and listened?”

“Yep,” Chanyeol nodded, “But still, I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Don’t be,” Baekhyun smiled, “You didn’t even know I still felt something for you at that time.”

“Still?” Chanyeol asked, surprised, “You mean it never went away?”

“Ahh, guess I was too in love with you?” Baekhyun shrugged, eyes looking away, too shy to look directly at Chanyeol.

Suddenly Baekhyun was enveloped in a warm hug, something he missed so much. He almost immediately burst into tears when he realized that Chanyeol had led him into his arms. It was like a dream come true and Baekhyun couldn’t believe what was happening. It took a moment for him to hug Chanyeol back conveying to the lad just how much he missed him.

“Are you crying?” Chanyeol asked, laughing.

“No,” Baekhyun answered, but his short sniffles said otherwise.

“Aw, is my baby crying?” Chanyeol cooed, breaking the hug to look at Baekhyun and wipe his tears away.

Baekhyun scrunched his nose and cried even more as he was soft for endearments, “Stop it! Don’t call me that! You know I’m soft for it.”

“That’s exactly why I do it,” Chanyeol chuckled once again.

“Are we, like, together again?” Baekhyun asked, now brave enough to look at Chanyeol’s eyes finding it sparkling with emotions.

“Yes and this time, I won’t let you go.”

Baekhyun could only smile at that.

“You better, that It’s not you, it’s me bull of yours isn’t going to work on me anymore!”

The couple could only laugh together and enjoy the moment in each other’s arms. If you ask them who leaned in first, they would probably say each other’s names but in truth they both leaned in at the same time. Baekhyun’s phone forgotten on the desk containing the list which he positively did not need anymore.

 

 

 

 

“Hey, baby?” Chanyeol called out as he cuddled on the couch with Baekhyun in the latter’s apartment.

“Hm?”

“What’s this list on your ph- Hey! I was reading that!” Chanyeol exclaimed as Baekhyun snatched his phone from the guitarist’s hands.

“Nothing! Just a stupid list, don’t worry about it,” Baekhyun said. Chanyeol gave him an odd look but nodded anyway.

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, “Now come back here and cuddle me more!”

“Yes yes, you big baby!”

Before he went back to Chanyeol’s arms though, Baekhyun made sure that his list was deleted. He smiled.

And this time, it was a real one.