I still remember the first time I saw you. I was an introvert back then and you, you were the bubbliest girl on the whole campus. Miyoung, aka Tiffany Hwang, known for her looks and cheerful personality. We were in different classes so I never got the chance to meet you. Why would you even show interest in someone like me? And even so, why would I want to get to know you? Sunny used to nag about how loud you were, she said that you had everyone hypnotized but not her, hell to the no! So, I never got the chance to steal a glance nor I had the intention of it. 

I only had Sunny as a friend and she only had me, we were both introverts and loved to be alone in our world. We often hung around her house and just did our thing, she loved to play video games and I loved reading. 

That decisive day, we were getting back to our classroom when I saw you. I loved dramas too much and there’s always this weird thing that happens when they fall in love at first sight. The whole world stopped for me right that second, I couldn’t find words to describe how beautiful you looked, as if taken out of one of Shakespeare’s masterpieces. I could feel my heart beating so fast that for a second I thought that I was having a panic attack of some sort. 

You were walking with your two friends on each side, the school uniform didn’t do you justice. Your perfect figure that one could be jealous of, and that long wavy brown hair that the wind combed with each step you took. I felt unable to swallow my spit until I saw your face. You were smiling and I never imagine I could see a smile that beautiful, you were smiling with your eyes as well and that was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my 16 years of life. I almost collapse but Sunny brought me down to earth with one kick to my shin. That was the first time I saw you, painful and beautiful, the bruise I got lasted for 2 weeks as a reminder. 

After that day, I couldn’t help but subtly look for you. Of course, I had to be careful with Sunny, or else she was going to kill me. At first, I stole glances when you passed next to us in the hallway, then during lunchtime, sometimes I saw you waiting for your sister to come to pick you up, and I fooled around you until you left. I was worried that someone tried to do something to you, you were gentle and friendly but sometimes that was dangerous. My mom told me to be careful of those who mix up gentleness with interest, that’s why I always got my glare as default. Either way, I didn’t need it, no one wanted to get near me except for Sunny and some curious heads that had left right away. 

I never noticed the exact moment your existence became important to me. Always looking for you, trying to catch even a glimpse of your smile, making sure that you were alright. You had a lot of friends and also a lot of boys after you but you never showed interest in them, which made me feel relieved. I feared that one day you could notice my presence and my feelings, but you didn’t. I was irrelevant to you and I was glad because it meant I still had the chance to look after you, to see you, and enjoy your beautiful existence. And I started to know more about you, like your obsession with pink, your love for strawberry ice cream, your fear of bugs, and many other things that I learned from observing you.

I mean, I never blame you for not knowing who I was. I was a nerd with the glasses and all, not even planning to be taken into consideration. Even if students talked to me, it never lasted long before they found me tiring. 

To be honest, I didn’t have a purpose before you appeared in my life. It was after I saw you that day that I understood that I wanted to take care of you. 

A year passed, you seemed happier those days. Rumors of a secret admirer filled the halls. You always had a pink bouquet every morning, Sunny told me that this “admirer” arrived quite early and placed one bouquet each morning. 

Ms. Hwang,

You’re the most beautiful Rose in the whole wide world.

That’s what most of the cards said. How did I know? Well, your friends always made a fuss and even the janitor knew the content of it. I couldn’t do anything but look, look at the happiness your eyes portrayed. Weeks passed and there was a rumor that you wrote him back in hopes of obtaining an answer, you were curious about this person, so curious that you wanted to meet him. Your friends said that you were broken when all you got was an “I’m sorry.”, and I wondered if you were sad. 

Your smile didn’t seem as bright as before. You often had this spark in your eyes every time you arrived at school but not anymore. Instead of taking the bouquet like you always did, you left it forgotten on top of your desk. There were no rumors anymore, no fuss, no smiles, no nothing. I always took them home with me when I knew no one was watching. Such a beautiful thing left all on its own just like that. 

The flowers stopped appearing a few days later. I guess it was the best as you were smiling just like before, and that brought calm to my life once again. If you were okay, then I was too. 

Time passed and high school ended just like that, we were both going to different universities. It felt as if being stabbed a thousand times. It was hard, this pain was new to me but when I saw you excited and happy I realized that as long as you were happy everything was worth it. In the end, I kept the pain to myself. Those agonizing days when I had to face the fact that you weren’t part of my life anymore. I had found you on Facebook but I was scared of adding you as a friend, so I could only see your public pictures. 

I was all alone, and now I realized how painful it was. Sunny had gone to the U.S to study, only I stayed in this quiet world. My family was living in California after I graduated, and I was trying to survive while studying to be a fashion designer. I never dressed properly before but here I was, trying to make others look their best. 

Not one day went by without me thinking of you, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. It was hard for me to accept how wrong I was to only stare at you from afar, like a ghost in your life. But I was afraid, afraid of you leaving after seeing that I was not capable of talking to you. I was deaf and mute since birth, I had lived a lonely life due to that. Sunny was the only one who stayed and I always thanked her silently for that, she gave someone like me a little hope that living wasn’t so bad as I thought. Sometimes she even scared me with how well she knew me, most of the time I didn’t need to write a thing for her to know what I wanted to say, or what I was thinking at the moment. That’s why hiding my feelings for you were harder with her around, but I guess that I did a good job. 

Time kept on passing, and you finally fell in love. I knew it when I saw you with him in the picture. You were happy. God, you looked beautiful, aging like fine wine. It was breaking me but you were like , so addicting. I had to have at least something to keep me alive. There were days that I curled down on my bed crying my heart out without fearing to be heard, there was no sound, and even if there was I couldn’t hear it. At times like that, I wondered how there were tears left after crying seas for you, but I never got an answer for that. You could never imagine how bad I wanted to hear your voice, your laugh. If I was given th