Present. May 2024

It wasn’t an unknown fact that Minji hated walking home at night alone. She hated how the part where she lived scarcely had lampposts that worked. She’d gotten Sua to write to the council. When she revised the letter (because Sua’s language can be quite barbaric), she had to rearrange it multiple times so they wouldn’t get a knock on their door from the police.

Relinquishing the memory she’s now brought back to the present walking along the abysmal street with no light to support her already blind eyes. Glasses no longer working, she’s forced to wear contacts that always itch.

She stumbles as she rounds the corner near the one stop 2 blocks from her house.

Reaching her pocket to grab and phone and call Sua, she misreads Sua for Siyeon and absentmindedly calls them instead.

And so the narrative starts.

How Siyeon stumbles back into their lives months after they decided to separate from them.

----------

2 years ago. September 2022

Being together wasn’t as difficult as people had set it up. Sua and Minji had grown up together since early high school and college, worked through many friendship groups, they stuck together. The countless of gossips shared, the shadiness and the jealousy was never amidst when they were around each other. Minji confessing to Sua was not surprising at all. Yoohyeon, one of just a handful of friends they’d managed to maintain throughout the years, had always said Minji wore her heart on her sleeve. But with emotions laid bare always brought great pain. Sua keeps hers close to her chest. Rightfully in its place yet, always presented whenever Minji was around. Unwrapping it from its neatly folded satin sheets as soon as she was near. With contrasting ways of showing affection they evened each other out perfectly.

It wasn’t until their second year of college they met Siyeon. They were a force to be reckoned with. Lighting up the room with every bounce they took.

The social butterfly costume they wore was however, hung up to dry ready for next use. Adventures stopping dead in the evening, to lay bare as soon as they settled back home. 

Siyeon was as introverted as they come. Only speaking when spoken too, kept to themselves mostly and found it hard to speak directly to people. It wasn’t until Dami and Handong eased them into opening up more that the light that sparkled on occasion fully glowed all day long. Their habits of coming back to the dorms straight after classes soon extended. From 4pm to 2am. They began achieving what they had set as their number one goal at the start of college: Make ing friends. But with friends came animosity, secrecy, and dejection. Siyeon’s opened case was beginning to close once more. They hated it. Dami and Handong tried once more to get them to share but it was too late.

---

November 2022.

Rushing to get to their dorm, Siyeon accidently took someone else’s book along with them. Said person raced after them and tapped their shoulder continuously. Not letting up but slowing down, Siyeon turned their head to face them yet not quite as they started at the ground.

‘You took my book Siyeon. I’d like it back please.’ Looking through their pile of books they indeed noticed a book sticking out like a cold sore. Handing it over to the patiently waiting individual Siyeon began to zoom off. Not even bothering to apologise.

-------

‘You would not believe what happened today.’ Sua starts off, body falling dramatically into Minji’s own. Humming, Minji prompts her to continue.

‘Siyeon, you know the girl in my English class, she accidently took my book and I had to bloody chase her to get it back. Like I know I’m fit but damn she was speeding the heck off.’ Minji laughs hoarsely at that and pecks Sua’s forearm. Her favourite part of her body.

‘I managed to stop her but she wouldn’t even look at me.’ She continues.

‘Neither did she utter a word or even an apology. I didn’t ask for one but it would make sense to give one. She did take my book after all.’ Minji hums again, this time pecking her temple before speaking.

‘She’s changed hasn’t she. From the outgoing person everyone knew on campus. She seems lonely. Sad almost. Maybe s happened at home. Or she’s just back to her shy self.’ Minji adds.

‘We can’t assume but maybe she’s not okay. I’ll try speaking to her tomorrow.’ Sua finishes, turning around to suffocate her girlfriend in a hug. They both squeal as they drop from the sofa and land on the floor. A humph followed by a scream and Minji is chasing Sua into their bedroom.

-----

‘We need to chat to Siyeon I hate seeing them like this.’ Handong starts. Facing her girlfriend after lowering the tv in the background.

‘But how, you know how they get.’ Dami leans forward resting their elbows on their knees.

‘So we’re just supposed to watch them spiral into depression again? I can’t and I won’t. Last time was so and I can’t imagine how it was for them.’ Handong exaggeratedly throws the remote onto the space between the two.

‘Well I’ll text them tomorrow and you talk, I’m just there for support. You know I’m with words.’ They shrug.

‘But your excellent with your hands.’ With that Handong yearns forward stopping at Dami’s legs, urging them to relax back into the chair and kisses their knee.

‘And actions.’ Leaves open kisses along their arms.

‘And sounds.’ Handong finishes kissing their lips before sighing into their lap. Heat flushes Dami’s face making them hide face behind their girlfriends mane of a hair. Handong laughs and snuggles further into their body.

----------

A week later.

‘I’m sorry for taking your book. I wasn’t paying attention.’ Siyeon starts off before Sua can even open . They had noticed calculated steps behind their mismatched ones. Siyeon knows their attention to their surrounds was but because of how desperately they wanted to go home they couldn’t help but notice the perfection amidst the chaos.

Sua huffs and practically drags Siyeon to the end of the hall which was an honest mistake. She shouldn’t have assumed they would be alright with that. It’s evident at how Siyeon’s shoulders are rising up and down hastily. Their backed into a corner. Now Sua knows she’s strong but she did not use that much power against Siyeon.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to, it’s an honest misjudgement of my strength. Please forgive me.’

‘No it’s not your fault. I just- I just hate when I get manhandled, even if it’s the slightest yank.’ Siyeon says straightening their shirt down.

‘Ok, ok cool well I just wanted to ask if everything was alright yesterday. You didn’t even look at me when you gave me my book back.’ Sua leans on a pole. Both had settled down.

With that Siyeon raises their head in surprise before stumbling over bountiful apologies.

‘I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. I- I didn’t mean to. I’m so stupid. Please, please believe me.’

All Sua could do was look apologetically at Siyeon. They looked helpless. A rat accepting its defeat, slumped in its deadly trap.  A fish lifelessly flapping its tail in its captors mouth.

Not even bothering to move forward Sua settles to calm Siyeon down with her words.

‘It’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should read the room more of air infact.’ She finishes it with a dry laugh.

It surprisingly makes Siyeon laugh, albeit her joke was lame but it made them feel calmer. They were thankful for that. Apart from Dami and Handong no one had ever tried to calm them down.

‘Do you wanna hang-‘

‘No thanks. Sorry again about the book but I’ll be going now. See you to-‘ Siyeon instantly cringes at the few last words they utter. They do not infact want to see Sua tomorrow infact never again. They can’t handle inviting anyone else in again. Not this time.

Slipping round a corner, Sua can only huff out in exasperation. Siyeon is one tough cookie to crack.

Revealing Minji’s layers was almost as easy tearing open Christmas presents the night before Christmas too eager to wait a couple of hours.

She, and Siyeon were a weighted task. The after effect of all of one’s energy having been used up playing outside for hours on end in the middle of summer. The trouble of gulping water down trying to satiate an abnormal amount of thirst. Water flowing everywhere but the intended target. She’s sure she was as hard as Siyeon is being and thanks the heavens for Minji pushing through. She sure has her work cut out for her.

----------

It was a Friday when Sua spotted Siyeon again was honestly surprised. She had expected them to be curled up away from the world once more. Nudging Minji and the others- Yoohyeon and Gahyeon, their conversations turn mute. Each pair of eyes trailed to the hidden figure in the corner of the coffee shop tapping away their keyboard. Sua had informed the latter two of what had happened and now up to date, they felt sorry for her.

‘Go ask if she wants to hang. She can’t really say no as you’re not the only here.’ Gahyeon suggested. Yoohyeon nodded but Minji was sceptical. Siyeon looked like they didn’t want to be disturbed and Minji didn’t want to disrupt their calm.

Sua got up regardless of the glare Minji threw at her. She edged towards Siyeon and softly tapped their shoulder. Keeping in mind their last encounter, she shifts a foot back to not scare them.

‘Hey, are you okay?’

‘I-I’m good. How are you?’ Siyeon once again does not look up but stares through the reflection of her turned off laptop.

Sua catches on and meets their gaze. It must seem like a better option than to stare directly, Sua oddly finds comfort in it too. They continue their conversation and the other three notice how Siyeon eases out of her seat to join Sua on what they assume is their walk back.

Yoohyeon gets up to give a seat to them and pounces onto Gahyeon. A huff is exerting but no further complaints so Yoohyeon sinks into her friends hold.

‘Hey guys, this is Siyeon from my English class.’ The girls send greetings but only receive a wave back. Surprisingly Siyeon looks at Minji and smiles. Minji mirrors it. When Siyeon sits down Minji sends a look to Sua and they both shrug.

Not much is uttered out of Siyeon the whole 30 minutes they’re there. They only hum, nod, and shakes their head. Sua deems this a step up from the girl she never hears from in class. She’s glad their slowly coming round. A week can really make a difference it seems.

-------

Dami: hey Siyeon you free today?

It had been 2 weeks since Handong and Dami had decided to hold an ‘intervention’ for Siyeon. Their promise to resolve earlier had faded away due to Dami not being available based on a surprise assignment they had 2 days to complete. Handong would’ve gone through with it alone but Siyeon needed a balanced support system.

Siyeon: yes, I am what’s up dude. You and Handong good?

Dami: we’re chill, just wanted us to all hang out.

Siyeon: calm, I’ll be there by 1pm.

Dami still in bed alongside Handong glances at the clock and almost makes Handong hit her nose. It was almost 1pm. So the chaos ensues. Although it was only Siyeon they were fussy about how things looked. It was one of the things they tried to hide away. Deep within the other they were going through but Dami and Handong’s understanding of it (even though they could barely understand themselves) made coping better. So clearing through their apartment making sure things were folded and sections allocated, they settle tired on their couch awaiting Siyeon’s arrival.

After tearing through a bunch of Chinese takeout, Handong shares a look with Dami and they mute the tv.

‘So how have you been? Dami commences their badly thought-out interrogation.

Looking at the two they begin.

‘What is this? Is this some sort of set up? I’m alright guys. Really. You know how I am.’ Siyeon finishes setting her food down and turns to the tv focusing as if they can actually hear it.

‘Look I didn’t wanna chat bare cause I know you hate confrontation…’ Dami wavers off.

‘Yet here we are.’ Siyeon mutters.

‘Alright chill. You’re not alright and you know it. We know it. Let’s sort our out. Yes, I said our. We’re in this together.’ With that Siyeon’s cold exterior deflects. 

They whimper as they close their eyes. Hugging their knees, bringing it up to their chin. Handong walks over and lays her head on top of Siyeon’s. Dami stretches their arm to sooth Siyeon’s. A weak yet present attempt to cool down the now trembling woman.

‘I just- I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I hate myself so much. I’ve not even gone through much but here I am broken as . Left to pick up the badly shaped pieces that I’ll attempt to put back together knowing they won’t fit. I- I ing can’t do this.’ She finishes now crawling onto Handong’s lap. The latter looks dejectedly at Dami and against themselves, they edge forward.

Siyeon’s hair whispering, ‘We’re here.’ ‘We’ve got this’ over and over again. It works as after 10 minutes of continuous shivers Siyeon looks up and laughs embarrassingly at their appearance. Takes in Dami’s worried gaze and bellows loudly. Dami looks like a deer. A confused one. Eyes wide open. Handong is massaging their legs now calming both them and her.

‘Thank .’ Dami breathes out causing Handong to laugh out, backing her head onto the couch. She laughs through the pain and waves off Dami’s attempt to comfort her.

‘We’ll get through this Siyeon. You’ll be alright.’ Handong starts and Dami finishes.

‘You guys are so good to me. I’m so glad you walked into my life. Should we take this to the bedroom?’ They end racking their bodies from head to toe. The two girlfriends bend over in a fit of embarrassment and glee.

Their friend was slowly coming back. And they’d be there till the end.

----

It had been a week since Dami and Handong’s surprisingly fruitful intervention and Siyeon had a spring in their step. The once vibrant appearance shines through the grey areas. Colour blooms ever so slowly, its presence and making Siyeon seemingly better.

That only last a week. A full ing week before they came crashing the done. Rocking back and forth in front of their best friend’s apartment, tears fall hastily to the ground trying to rid themselves of the pained human they’d been tapered to.

‘What’s wrong Siyeon. It’s Dami and Handong. Can we touch you?’ Nodding they advanced forward, Dami unlocked the door and Handong grasped Siyeon to walk into their apartment.

Without a prompt Siyeon ends up in Dami’s lap. Shocked their hands stay to their side and Handong pushes down a laugh, focusing on their distressed friend.

‘Go on we’re listening.’

‘I hate myself for thinking like this she already has someone. Someone who is beautiful, smart, caring and all round perfect. Maybe I love them both! But how can I? I don’t even like myself most days. Am I capable of love? Am I forcing it? Do I want it?’ Siyeon hastily gets out no ounce of breathes taken. Handing is visibly taken back and Dami had lost track as soon as they started using adjectives.

‘This is the most you’ve ever said in a day! Who the has you stressing out like this?’ Handong finally comments, a smirk edging its way onto her face.

‘Minji! Minji and Sua. ing perfect women.’ Siyeon scowls but then smiles then scowls again. They were just too much to think about. Aching their heart, making their brain work overtime. They loved it but also hated how their attention was all on them.

‘Wow. ing finally.’ Dami shouts. Leaping up,