2:00 AM, May 6

Can’t sleep, you got work in a few hours, but you can’t help thinking about her . How long has it been? You check the date on your phone, oh, exactly a month. It’s been exactly a month since Kim Minju has broken up with you. And you know what else is funny about that? It’s 2 months after your second anniversary. I ing hate you, March 6. Why does everything feel so unfair? How was it so easy for you? Did I mean anything?  Was it even real?

  You get out of bed and walk to the balcony of your apartment, feeling the cold breeze and seeing the neon lights of the signs below calms you a bit. You look up to the stars to feel some kind of comfort, they used to be your safe place, but in the end it just makes you sad again, you used to be my favorite star. Why must we always put meanings behind things? It’ll end up hurting us anyway. 

 

5:00AM, May 6 

Time for work, surprisingly you got some amount of sleep last night, but you had enough energy in you to get ready on time and start the day. Getting the opening shift for a cafe isn’t really the best thing in the world but being busy will distract yourself from other thoughts. A few minutes later Yena comes through the doors, “Morning, Yuri!” She looks so soft in her yellow hoodie, funny how you and Yena are the owners of this place but kinda look like the youngest ones compared to the other staff, especially the part-timers. Cute, but so much energy this early in the morning. You greet her back, with more of a relaxed tone. “What’s left for me to do now! You’re making me look like a freeloader!” she says while fake-crying and pretending to wipe her tears. “You’re so dramatic.” you roll your eyes at her, “Just stock up the fridge and get ready for the usual customers. The list is next to the register.”  

 

6:30AM, May 6

It’s halfway through rush hour, and you and the rest of the staff are trying to get as many orders out as fast as you can. You were going too fast and ended up spilling a few drinks. For the love of , why now? Yena sees you starting to get agitated and runs to help you. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Take a quick break at the back, I can handle this.” “No. let me finish this then I’ll take a break.” you tell her, already starting over. “Fine, but break after yeah?” “Yeah. Don’t worry.” 

You finish redoing the last order and serve it, “Caramel Macchiato for Yujin!” You’re lucky that tall girl was a usual at the cafe. Isn’t she in High School? Why does she need coffee every single day? “Thank you for waiting, I apologize for the delay.” you say to her and give a slight bow, “It’s okay, it happens!” She smiles and leaves a tip in the jar. 

 

You take a seat on the couch in the breakroom, sighing heavily. You lean back into the couch and relax your arms. Get out of my head please. Yena sits next to you, and you give her a surprised look, “It’s fine, rush hour’s ending, the other kids can handle it. You okay though? You seem distracted.” you take a deep breath and sit up, “It’s been a month, Yena. I couldn’t sleep last night.” 

 

“A month..? Ah yeah I get it. Wow, really?” 

 “Yep. I still got mixed emotions you know? Am I sad? Not really? Annoyed and mad? Maybe.” 

“Yeah, I get it.” Yena tells you as she gives you a pat on the head, “don’t worry, it’s okay to feel things.”

 

10:00 AM, May 6

Your shift finally ends and you head home to take a quick nap, having 3 hours of sleep really isn’t the best. Yena stops you by the door,“hey Yuri, you should really unwind you know? All of that love stuff in your head is getting to you.” You raise an eyebrow at her, “Are you still that dumb college kid that gets drunk at every party?” “Duh! Just because we do adult stuff doesn’t mean we can’t do dumb anymore. Besides, we’re not that old to party.” Yena’s right, all this Minju and love and break up stuff has been getting to you. You need a break from all this, to forget all your problems and responsibilities. “Fine. Where are we going?” you say in a sigh. “You know where, Jo Yuri. We’re making a comeback!” She gives you a smirk and winks. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there. Usual time right?” “Of course, but if you’re late you better do it fashionably.” She points at you and furrows her eyebrows. “You’re so corny” you tell her while rolling your eyes. 

 

 

10:00 PM, May 6

After a little nap and hanging around your apartment the whole day, you finally decide to get up and get ready for later. You realize how long it’s been since your last club night. I don’t even know what to wear anymore. What do people even wear to the club these days? You end up wearing a fitted black shirt, loose pants, and bring a jean jacket in case it gets cold. You look at yourself in the mirror and take a deep breath. Relax. Tonight will be fine. You’re here to have fun, get drunk, and be stupid for once. 

You see that iconic sign from a mile away, OFF THE RECORD, it’s the club you and Yena would always go to after hours, you go there to celebrate, or to forget about that class you know you’re failing. You find Yena at the entrance, black on black with ripped jeans, a shirt, and a leather jacket. Typical Choi Yena, tryna feel cool. 

“Looking good, Yuri. Though we have aged a bit” she looks at you from head to toe with a smirk. 

“We’re not that old. Stop making us sound like we’re hags” 

“Ugh whatever. Anyways, tonight is your night. Let loose and have fun okay? As if we were 19 again. YULYEN COMEBACK LET’S GOO!” 

 

 

Yena drags you by the hand as you get in and this whole place brings back so many memories. You walk to the bar and see some familiar faces. “Yuri? Yena? Long time no see!” Says the bartender. “Lee Chaeyeon, my favorite bartender! How are you?” Yena greets her with a handshake.

“The usual, still here. After all these years. Did you guys actually get to start that cafe you talked about?” You both laugh at the flashback of memories that run through your brain. “We actually did. We’re really grateful that it’s doing well right now.”

“Oh? That’s great. I’ll visit when I can. Also, isn’t there someone missing? Where’s the girlfriend, Yul?” Yena looks at you, looking for confirmation on your face, you nod to signal her. “Well, that’s the reason why we’re here.”

“Ah I see. Well, just go out there and have fun okay? Come back here if you need anything.” Chaeyeon hands you two shots to get the night started. “ love.” Yena says to you as she hands you a shot, “Yeah. love.” your glasses clink and you cross arms to down each other’s shots. Today, I thought about you too much. Tomorrow, I’ll forget who the hell you were. 

 

12:00MN, May 7

After a few drinks and going ham on the dance floor with Yena, you go back to the bar and sit on one of the stools. You look down on the table in front of you and see the little drawing, you smile a little and run your finger through it, a duck, a puppy, and a frog. They didn’t repaint this? Maybe Chaeyeon left it for us. Your smile fades at the end though, heh, Minguri. It reminded you about her again. You sigh and ask Chaeyeon for another drink. Get out of my head.

“Penny for your thoughts, pretty girl?” A girl sits next to you. “Hmm, don’t really feel like telling a stranger my life story right now, but thanks for asking.” You say as you turn your back to her. “Shin Ryujin. And you are?” She lends her hand to you, asking for a handshake. “Jo Yuri.” you take her hand and shake it. “Great. Now we know each other, meaning we’re not strangers. So, a penny for your thoughts?” Wow, you’re persistent. “Fine. Well, I’m here cause my now ex-girlfriend of 2 years has broken up with me a month ago, and my best friend is now making out with some random girl and I am very grossed out.”

 “Ah, moving on I see. It’s not the best, but it will get better. Don’t worry about it.” 

“I don’t know, do I still love her? If yes, then why am I so angry?”

 “Maybe you just hate the way she treated you, maybe it--  ” You stopped listening the moment you saw her walk in through the door. Oh this. You feel your heart drop, there she is, Kim Minju, the most beautiful girl in the world, an actual angel on earth, and your past lover. Sobriety hits you hard, and the memories that you had drunk to forget came back in a second. She’s not alone, another girl comes in after her, she’s holding her hand. That’s the new girl. I get it. She’s walking towards the bar and you start panicking.

 

 

12:30 AM, May 7

“Quick. Kiss me.”

 “I-What?” Ryujin looks at you with her eyes wide. 

“My ex is here with her new girl and I really need you to kiss me right now. Please.” 

“Wha- Is that necessary? I really-” 

“RYUJIN. KISS ME RIGHT NOW.” 

“Ugh fine but-” You grab Ryujin by her collar and kiss her hard, you just wanna distract yourself and Minju from your misery. You pull back and Minju’s standing behind Ryujin, her eyes wide and slightly open. “Jo Yuri, good to see you here.” she smiles at you.

“Minju, hey. Good to see you.” your heart hurts so much, you wanna run away and cry. But you just up all the feelings and try to handle this whole thing without breaking down. “I see you’ve invited someone.” You tell her coldly,

“Ah yeah uhm, Chaewon, this is Yuri. Yuri, this is Chaewon. Yuri’s my uhm-” “Friend. I’m an old friend.” You smile and reach out your hand to give her a handshake. “Hey, BABE. I’m gonna go to the bathroom okay? Give me a sec.” Ryujin says as she gives you a death glare, and leaves you with Minju and Chaewon. You see Chaewon’s hand on Minju’s waist. Anger starts to fill you up, aren’t you a little quick?

“So, are you with anyone else? Other than her?” Minju points to the empty chair in front of her. “Yena’s here. But as expected she’s making out with someone in the corner.” You see Chaewon raise her eyebrow and Minju starts laughing and you see her whisker dimples, I haven’t seen those in a while.

“Really? Some things never change.” “Yeah, they really don’t.” there’s awkward silence in the air “Anyway, I should get going. I’ll catch you later?” “Uh yeah. I’ll see you later.” Minju waves to you as she leaves with Chaewon and gets lost into the crowd.

 

Ryujin comes back and taps on your shoulder. “Calm down. I’ve been watching your knuckles turn white and your jaw has been clenched during that whole conversation.” She sits next to you again. “Chaeyeon, a shot please. Something strong.” “You got it, Yul.”

Chaeyeon gives you a shot of tequila and you take it immediately. It burns the back of your throat but you just want something to get rid of everything that just happened. “She’s right you know. You were gonna kill the poor girl with your eyes.” Chaeyeon tells you and gives you a glass of water. “This was supposed to be my night, Chae. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“Nothing. Move on, she’s got someone else now.” Ryujin butts in. “Totally not helping.” “Well I tried.” Ryujin shrugs. “Ugh it, I’m outta here. I need to find Yena.” 

You get up from your seat and start looking for Yena. You find her at one of the tables, talking to a girl. “Hey, sorry to bother you and wonderful conversation but my friend and I have to go. Now.”  “Wait, what? Why? We were jus-”

“KIM MINJU IS HERE AND SHE BROUGHT SOMEONE. CAN WE PLEASE GO.” tears are forming at the corner of your eyes, your voice gets shaky. Yena notices and she slaps herself in the face in an attempt to be sober. “Oh okay. Let’s get out of here.” She looks back to the girl in front of her, “I’ll text you, okay?” she quickly nods and you and Yena run out of the club.

 

1:00AM, May 7

Why is everything about you, Kim Minju? Everything that happens to me, it’s all connected to you one way or another. Why can’t you get out of my head? You don’t love me anymore, I know. But how was it so easy for you to just throw me away like that? I was too stupid to believe that you still loved me though. It was a cycle, we would fight, be sad for a day, make up the next, and forget that anything happened. Everything started going downhill after a year, I’m surprised we even got through another one. I watched your smile slowly fade, and as the days passed the more I noticed that you were getting tired of all the bull. I was trying my hardest to keep you happy but I guess it wasn’t enough. Was I ever enough to you, Minju? Come to think of it, you never really appreciated the things I did for you. Just get the out of my life already. I ing hate you. 

“Yah, can you stop drowning yourself in your thoughts? You’re killing yourself.” Yena hands you a glass of water and sits next to you on the couch. You take a deep breath and a tear rolls down your cheek, you wipe it immediately before Yena could notice. When did I start crying?

“So, can you tell me what happened earlier?” “Well, I was at the bar and this girl sat next to me and we started talking, then all of a sudden I see Minju walking towards us, so I did the only logical thing; kiss the girl next to me.” 

“WHAT? YOU DID WHAT? WAIT.” Yena almost spat out her drink 

“EW YENA STOP YOU’RE SPITTING ON ME!” you say as you cover her face.

 “Sorry! BUT WHAT THE ? DID MINJU SEE YOU?” She says as she wipes . “Yeah she ing saw me. You know who else saw me? HER LITTLE DATE.” You get up from the couch and walk to the balcony. 

“I even introduced myself as an ‘old friend’ just to not make it awkward.”

 “Oof. Do you think the new girl knows who you are?”

 “Nah. I don’t think Minju would bother to mention me. She doesn’t give a .”

 “And why do you think that?” Yena stands next to you on the balcony, feeling the cold breeze. “Do you think I mattered to her, Yena? Or was I just someone to keep her company? Was it cause I was so willing to risk it all for her? Maybe just someone to kiss--” “Okay let’s not overthink the situation here. Minju did love you, we know that. If she didn’t then she wouldn’t have lasted a year with you, right? Everything she did, she did it for you. Minju loved you, Yuri. I’m very sure of that.” Yena says as she puts her hand around you, and you lay your head on her shoulder.

“Whatever, I hate Minju. So much.” Yena frowns and gives you a little kiss on the top of your head. It’s one of the few times where Yena just feels like a sister to you rather than a friend. “I get why you’re mad Yul, but try to understand her too. Please? You can’t deny that you loved her at one point.” Starting now, I’m going to forget everything about you, Kim Minju. Tomorrow, you’ll just be a ghost in my memories. 

 

3:00AM, May 7 

Yena’s staying for the night, she knows that she can’t leave you alone. She grabs a blanket and a pillow from your room and heads out to the living room. “Where are you going? Sleep here.” you tell her with a pout. Her eyes grow wide and she lets out a small chuckle, “I haven’t heard you say that since your first fight. You must be hella broken.” “Nevermind. Get out of my house.” you throw a stuffed toy at her face. “Hehe, I’m kidding. Come on, my head hurts. Plus, I got work tomorrow.” She says as she gets under the covers. “Don’t you mean ‘we have work tomorrow’?” “Nope. Just me. Take the day off, Yuri. I’ll be fine, you should rest.” 

 

9:00AM, May 8

It’s your rest day today, and you decide to be productive. If you’re alone with your own thoughts you’ll just end up thinking about her anyways. You sit at your desk, it’s been awhile. You don’t usually do work at home, keeping all the business stuff at the cafe. There’s still pictures of you and her, displayed around your table. You gather all of them and find a lighter. Goodbye. For real. You light them up one by one, ashes of your past memories falling to the floor. After you clean up your dramatic mess you open one of the drawers and find one more picture. You don’t burn it though, you just fold it up and keep it in the back, making sure you would ignore it next time. 

 

9:30AM, May 8

You turn on your computer and check the to-do list that was overdue months ago, finish the song. Right, you were recording something for her. Nah, let’s redo all of this . This isn’t your lovey-dovey song anymore.

You grab out an old notebook and start writing lyrics;

When you say I’m tired now

I can’t do more

I didn’t say anything

Why do you say

When you said you were tired

I can’t do more

I didn’t say anything

Why do you say 

 

Please don’t leave no way

It will be different baby

Seems like its dejavu baby

I can change for you baby

 

12:30PM, May 10 

  “Minju! Over here!” You look over to see Chaewon waving her hands at you. "Hey, sorry I’m a little late, something caught up.” You sit in front of her. “No worries, I know you’ve been a little busier lately so I really tried to squeeze this little brunch date for us, it’s not much but it was nearby.” Yeah cause out of all the places you can take me you take me to Yuri’s favorite restaurant. You’ve been seeing Chaewon for about a month now, but every time you’re with her you end up thinking about Yuri. “You okay? Why are you looking at me like that?” Chaewon asks you and you shake your head to stop zoning out. “Yeah, just thinking about work stuff.” A waiter walks up and asks for your order, “Yeah I’ll have the breakfast platter. Min?” Breakfast platter? Yuri used to get that. “I’ll just have a stack of pancakes.” “Great! I’ll send them out so don’t worry.”

You’re sitting in the diner themed restaurant you and Yuri used to go to. You haven’t been here in a while so you get up and look at the decor around the restaurant, some things have changed but there’s always one thing that stayed the same, the jukebox. You walk towards it and go through the songs, it’s an updated jukebox, with more modern songs. Hmm, how about One Direction? Listening to One Direction was your guilty pleasure with Yuri, especially if she played Magic. It’s an automatic dance party between you two. To your surprise it had it in the playlist and you started playing it. 

“Did you pick that?” Chaewon laughs at you as you sit in your chair. “Yeah, why?” “No reason, seems a little childish.”

“Is there a problem with being childish?” you tell her with an eyebrow raised.

“No, no. Just, aren’t you a little too old for that?”

“Too old for what? Music?”

“No, One Direction.”

“I can like what I want, Chaewon.” You tell in a serious tone. Can’t believe we’re basing maturity with music now. Insane I tell you.

You finish brunch with Chaewon and she offers to walk with you back to the office. “I’m good, Chae. I’ll see you later.” “Are you sure? I really think I sh-”

“I said no, Chaewon. Don’t you understand?” “Yeah, I understand. Sorry.” 

You turn around and start walking back to the office, passing Yuri’s cafe on the way. You try to look through the windows, to your luck she’s on her shift and you take a good look, you smile widely, and butterflies start to form in your stomach. She’s in her signature brown apron, you’ll always be the cutest barista in town, Yul. 

 

6:00PM, June 11

“Wow, is this your coping mechanism for heart break? How long has it been? 3 months? Damn.” You’re shocked to see Yena by the door, she does have a key in case of emergencies but you didn’t expect her to show up out of nowhere. 

“If this is what you do when you’re moving on, then you should do it more often.” 

“Ouch. You’re finding happiness in my pain now? This song literally took me a month.” She laughs and looks through your fridge, 

“All I’m saying is, I’m happy you’re keeping yourself distracted. Plus, look at you! You’re back to making music again. You know that you’ll always be my favorite soloist.” “Stoppp. I’m shy now.” You say to her as you hide your face. 

She pushes your chair away from the computer to play the whole song, “YAH CHOI YENA IT’S NOT DONE YET!” “SHUT UP YURI LET ME LISTEN” You end up giving up on trying to stop her, you’re amused by her facial expressions. 

 

“Your eyebrows sure can dance.” 

“THIS IS SO GOOD! RELEASE IT.” 

“Are you crazy? NO.”

 “BUT WHY?” “No.”

 “Fine. Can I play it in the cafe?” you think about it for a second, “maybe.” “YES A WIN FOR ME!” 

 

After a few more hours of working, you finally get to export the song “And thus… It is done! Why Do U Say by zo_glass ” You hand a usb drive to Yena, “Play it at the cafe ONLY. I don’t wanna hear this anywhere else.” “Yeah, yeah, I get it. NOW GIVE ME.” She grabs the usb from you and starts jumping around, “HEHE MY BEST FRIEND GAVE ME A COPY TO HER SONG HEHE”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, why are you so happy?”

“Cause this one has a story behind it, your other songs were just random ones. With this one you see, it’s filled with anger, regret, and love. And I’m the only one who knows that. That’s what makes it special.” She says as she does her little happy dance. “Whatever you say.” 

 

10:00 AM, June 14 (MINJU POV)

It’s break time and craving your caffeine fix. You step out of your office building  and check along the stores nearby for a cafe. Starbucks? I don’t want overpriced coffee. Dunkin? Nah. You pass by Yuri’s cafe, you haven’t been there since you broke up, will she mind? Am I banned? You step inside and the smell of coffee beans hits your nose. I’ll never get tired of that. You head onto the counter and one of Yuri’s staff is waiting at the register. “Hey welcome to Cafe One! What would you like today?”

 “Hi! I would like a medium iced latte please.”

 “Got it. Would that be all?”

 “Yep. Just bill it to this card.”

 “Thank you! Can I have your name by the way?” You’re a little shocked by her question, “I’ll call you out when you order’s done, so I’m gonna need your name.” “Ah yeah, Minju.” “Thank you!” You got used to the fact that Yuri would have your coffee ready before you would even be there that you forgot about standard policies. “Uhm, are any of the owners here by the way? Yuri or Yena?” You ask the staff member before leaving the register. “Oh they’re both running errands right now, would you like to leave anything for me to tell them?” “No, it’s okay I was just curious.” 

You sit at the table near the window, there’s more people coming in and you’re just proud of how much success this has gotten since it first opened. I hope you know how proud I am, Yuri. You’re doing so well.

 

As you were waiting for your name to be called, you’re bobbing to the music being played, you’ve always had the best taste in music. A new song plays and you get startled by the voice you’re hearing, you look up and concentrate on the singer, it’s Yuri. You’ve never heard this song before though, this is new.  You listen to the lyrics carefully, is this what you think about me? Your heart starts to hurt and the memories are playing in your head. You still listen to the covers that Yuri would send to you. I miss listening to your voice, it was the only thing that helped me sleep at night. 

  “Iced latte for Minju?” You hear the staff call out your name and you walk to the counter. “Hey uhm, do you know who sang this song?” She goes to the computer and checks the playlist, “It’s Why do you say by… zo_glass? I’m not familiar with this singer.” hey glass, long time not hearing from you. “It’s fine, thanks!” You take your coffee and head out the door, I miss you. I hate the fact that I still love you. I’m sorry that I let you go. 

 

9:45PM, June 20

You hear the bell of the entrance door ring while you were cleaning up the counters, “I apologize but we’re almost closing now! Come back tomorrow if--” You look up to see Minju by the door. Your heart drops but you turn away from her and continue cleaning up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you tell her.

“Like what?”

“Like you still love me.”

“I-maybe because I still do.” You chuckle at her statement, sure you do.

“Yul, can we talk please?” 

“I don’t see the reason why we should be talking though. Besides, you got that other girl hanging around.” 

“I’m not seeing Chaewon anymore.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Just--forget about her.”

“Okay.” you shrug at her

“Okay? What do you mean by ‘okay’?”  

“Okay meaning okay. What do you want me to say, Minju? ‘Oh Minju I love you! Come home to me!’ Is that what you want?” you tell her mockingly.

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“Why are you doing this now, Min? Now that I’ve moved on already, you think you can just show up here and tell me you love me means that you can just waltz back into my life like that? Like nothing happened?” 

“Why are you so mad at me, Yuri?”

“Because you know that with a little snap of a finger, I’ll come crawling back to you. Not anymore, Min. I’m tired of your .” you step closer to her and she’s shocked, she hasn’t seen you this mad before.

“Look, that night I saw you at the bar, I thought about us. I thought about the past year and how much you just threw me around. You never appreciated me and you never really showed me that you loved me. I was just there for your own needs right, Min? Isn’t that why you replaced me so easily?” you feel tears forming at the edge of your eyes, you vision starts getting blurry.

“Yuri, I-I’m sorry. I’ll be better, I promise.” 

“Stop making promises you can’t keep! That’s the 10th time you told me that already. Every time we fought you would say that. ‘I promise I’ll treat you better, I promise to show you that I love you, I promise to love you forever.’ Shut the up Minju. You and I both know you can’t keep promises. Why are you even running back to me anyways? Weren’t you the one who left?”

“I left because I got tired. I got tired of fighting, tired of not being the best for you. So to just cut the crap, I left.” 

What the are you saying? 

“You’re telling me, you left me to save me from my misery? Is that it?”

“Basically, yes.” 

“Do you know how much of a you sound? You really thought that would help?” you rub your eyes in exhaustion. 

“But it was all my fault right. Yul? Don’t ing lie to me.” 

“I was willing to do anything to make you stay. I sacrificed taking breaks to spend time with you, literally passing out at home when the day ends. You’re unbelievable.” you’re exhausted, tears streaming down your face, you feel your heart getting ripped out of your chest, you fall to your knees. What am I doing with my life?

“Give me another chance, Yul, I’ll be better. Just come home with me. Please?” she kneels in front of you. 

“I-I can’t, Min. I can’t keep playing your games anymore. I’m sorry.”

“This won’t be a game anymore. I promise.” She takes your hand and puts it close to her heart, “I’m sorry for the way I acted towards you for the past year. I wanna make up for that, will you allow me to do that, Yul? I want us to be happy again.”

“Don’t put that in my head, Min. I’m tired of it.” 

“I mean it, really. I love you now the same way when I first said I did. I love you, Jo Yuri.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.” 

“If you really did then we wouldn’t be here right now. Please don’t say that .” 

“Yuri please I-”

“Stop. I don’t wanna be with you anymore, Min. I don’t want to get my heart broken again. Just leave, you’re good at doing that anyway.” you say standing up, heading to the door. She grabs your hand before you open it.

“Say it to me again, I don’t care if it’s not real, just say it. One last time before I leave.” You look back at her, her eyes are swollen and red, you hold her hands and take a step closer.

“I love you, Kim Minju.” you kiss her forehead and hug her by the neck. She pulls away from you and opens the door.

“Goodbye, Yuri.”

“Goodbye, Minju.”  You see her turn at the corner at the end of the street, there she goes. 

The last one wasn’t a lie, you meant it. Every single time you said it you meant it.

I’ll learn to love you again, in another life.