She can’t help but associate rain with bad memories.

Why is it always raining when something bad happens?

It was raining when her heart got broken for the first time.

It was junior year, in the middle of midterms when she gathered up her courage to confess her love for her best friend, only to be stopped by the sudden news in their campus of a new couple.

It was later that day, that her best friend introduces someone as her boyfriend and hope that the two most important people in her life will get along.

She smiles the same smile she wears for her, always so bright and loving, but deep inside her heart shatters into pieces, going along the rain drops that were pouring outside.

The rain was pouring non-stop, making her think that their flight might get delayed. But of course, fate has different plans for her. The rain continued to pour as she bids goodbye to her parents and sister, who decided to go back to Canada and leave her here in Korea to chase her dreams.

She can see the sadness and longing in their eyes as she sees them off. Her mother asking her for one last time if she wants them to stay. And for the umpteenth time, she shake her head off and smile reassuringly, “I’ll be fine mom. Don’t worry about me, you can go.”

Her mother heaves a sigh and sends her a parting smile and warm hug and bids her goodbye. It was still raining when their plane took off and she was still standing there, looking at the sky, feeling like the skies are reflecting what she’s truly feeling inside. Scared and lonely.

She was soaked in rain when she heard the news that she did not passed the auditions. She prepared for it for months, singing and dancing with all of her might. She practiced day and night, up to the point of getting sick of hearing her own voice from how much singing she’s done. She was on her way to her part-time work, a necessity to support her dreams of becoming a singer. She needs to make ends meet, and she can’t bear to rely on her parents’ money. She wants to be independent and not be a burden. She forgot to bring her umbrella since it was bright and sunny when she went out of her apartment. The skies must really hate her, because as soon as she picked up the call while she was in the middle of the park few blocks from the café she works in, the dark clouds loomed over her, and the news dropped as the first rain touched her cheeks.

She stood there for how many minutes, feeling like her world would crumble anytime. She can feel her resolve break bit by bit, and she takes a deep breath and faced the skies. She lets it all out, doesn’t know if it’s the rain or her tears that was pouring in her face.

All she knows is, it’s always raining when bad things happen.

But now, standing under the rain, she’s smiling so widely while watching the woman in front of her dance under the rain.

“Seungwan-ah! Don’t just stand there! Come here! Let’s enjoy the rain!”

The woman shouts, bringing her back to reality.

“This is so fun! Seungwan-ah, dance with me?” The cat-eyed woman asked her, arms wide open, inviting her in. Urging her to step out of the shed and join her under the pouring sky.

Remembering once again, how all bad things happen when it rains, she stops for a moment. But seeing the woman with expectant eyes and smile, like she’s so sure that Seungwan would join her, she can’t help but step out from the comfort of the sheds and into the raging outpour of rain.

No sane person would think of standing out here, with the dark sky pouring out non-stop rain on them, but she doesn’t regret getting soaked, especially when she sees the woman in front of her, tuning out the thunder and rain with her smile that’s so bright and eyes shining.

“I’ve always loved the rain.” The woman says to her, wrapping her arms around her shoulder, still smiling widely.

“But now, I love it even more since I have you here with me now.” Her hold tightens, she leans closer, her gaze soft and adoring.

“I love you, Seungwan”

She can’t help but let out a few tears. For once, she’s thankful it’s raining and no one can tell (hopefully) that she’s indeed crying. If the woman in her arms sees it, she doesn’t speak about it, but continues to look at her lovingly, head tilting, eyes and lips smiling.

Rain is always associated with bad memories. That’s her reality.

But with the woman in front of her, she’ll gladly take all of her chances in rains, as long as she gets to be with her.

She tightens her arms around her waist, nuzzling her nose on the cat-eyed woman’s cheeks, not caring that they’re literally in the middle of the empty road, soaking in the rain with a high chance of catching a cold from this entire thing.

But she doesn’t care, and she leans in and kiss her, pouring out the contents of her heart to the woman she holds special under the rain.

“I love you the most, Jennie.” she whispers on the space between them, eyes not leaving each other. Assured that the woman heard it loud and clear despite the constant rumbling of thunder. Her smile goes wider and kisses her back with the same intensity and love she has.

This is her new reality.

A reality where, for the first time, something good happened while raining.

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quick, unedited, jumbled thoughts. a mess.