“Well?” Joy prompts. Her nervous tone is barely concealed beneath a guise of frustration. Her eyes dart over Irene. From her eyes to her hands then quickly back to her eyes again, trying to glean any indication of how she’s feeling.

 

“Nothing. I get it.” Irene blinks blankly back at Joy who begins to tap her finger against the countertop before stopping once she realizes how loud the repetitive noise gets.

 

“Is- I- Is that it? No anything no…” Joy trails off, her finger once again resuming its tapping.

 

“I don’t know what more you want me to say.” The slightest bit of annoyance slips through Irene’s voice. “Would you stop that?”

 

Joy’s finger goes still. “I just wish you’d say something. How you’re really feeling instead of pretending to be so strong all the time,” she sighs bitterly.

 

Irene’s brow lowers, “I’m not doing this for you.”

 

“I never said you were.”

 

“Would you shut up,” Irene hisses, finally rising from her seat.

 

Joy notices the way her jaw clenches before she sighs and sits down again.

 

“What more do you want me to say? That I want you to stay? That I’m sorry? That I wish I could do better, that things were different?” Irene looks back up and Joy’s surprised to see tears in her eyes. “You told me you’re in love with someone else. You love her and that’s that. You don’t want me. What more could I possibly have to say?”

 

Joy’s mouth opens wordlessly. What more was there to say?

 

“Do you know how hard it is? Not to cry and scream because it’s not fair. What more could I have done? Why, why was it so easy for you to leave? I wish that things could go back to the way they were. Before, when you loved me, but I don’t even know what that looks like anymore.” Irene’s tears fall freely. Her eyes feel hot.

 

Joy inches closer, feeling like she should comfort her, but unsure if she still has the right to. “Irene-“

 

“The worst part is, is that even when we weren’t talking, and I wanted to hate you so bad, I couldn’t even stop thinking of you. Thinking of how mad I was or how I wanted you to pay attention to me. Even if it wasn’t during the day, I’d see you at night in my dreams and make up stupid fantasies where things were just better.”

 

A part of Joy is glad Irene interrupted her, she wouldn’t have known what to say anyway.

 

Irene sighs shakily, exhaling her anger and frustration. “That’s it. I can't think of any more to say.”

 

The argument was three years ago. Joy hardly thinks of it anymore, but sometimes it comes to her at night. In her dreams, she finds herself in the week after she left their apartment. She’ll get a phone call and answer knowing it's her, and she'll get another chance understanding everything she does now and couldn't then. Then she’ll finally hear Irene's voice again, and they'll both think of something more to say.