"Day 751"

 

I uttered beneath my breath. It has been that long huh?

 

Seulgi thought to herself as she fidgets on the necklace she's wearing while currently sitting down on one of her dressing room’s sofa. It’s her first day of promotioning and is about to record her performance in an hour or so.

 

Even if it is technically not her first time of doing such things anymore, she still feels nervous. Sometimes it becomes too extreme reaching up to the point when she just simply wants to throw up for there are so many things going on inside of her head:

Clothes? I think it suits my concept.

Lyrics? I know it by heart right? Right…?

Choreography? I hope my muscle memory doesn’t fail me now.

Song? I heard it, my manager has heard of it, the top management has heard of it. It’s going to be good ri…ight? People especially my fans… oh geez my fans, I hope they like it!

 

Ughh, Seulgi hates overthinking and she knows there is someone who is capable of easing her worries just by a touch and by simply saying: “Love, hey look at me. Everything’s going to be alright. Hm?”

 

Crap I miss her. I miss her so much…

 

She was about to reminisce when a flick of a finger caught her attention.

 

"Hey Seul, are you okay buddy?" Wendy asked Seulgi as she sees the latter spacing out once again.

 

"Huh? Oh yes of course! Just, you know. Worrying. Thinking. Of umm"

 

"Her?" 

 

A fellow musical artist and a close friend of hers, Wendy, cut her off knowing that she’s probably thinking of her like she always does. Every minute at any time of the day.

 

"Always."

 

And just by thinking of a certain person, her once dull straight lips turned upright. She hopes that her staff isn't really looking at her right now, for she knows how ridiculously foolish-looking her face is with this kind of smile she can't help but show. But what can she do? It's her they're talking about here.

 

"May I step out for a second? I feel like I’m gonna throw up any second now hahaha, I need a breather bud"

 

Wendy immediately reacted with a disgusted face that quickly earned a light smack on the shoulder from her dearest friend.

 

"First of all, ouch? And second of all, yeah sure. It's normal to feel that way Seul, especially since it’s your first day of your promotions... again"

 

"I've been doing this for what? Like for two years now? But I can't encourage myself to relax like the other artists around here. I’m still sweating bullets here bud heeelp!"

 

"I know right? I’m familiar with that situation all too well. But hey, be careful while strolling around, your crazy fans may be lurking around waiting to strike ya’!"

 

"Yeah yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks!" she says as she walks off.

 

Seulgi stepped out of her dressing room. Minding her own business as she strolls around the hallways of the backstage, and then, she saw a familiar small figure.

 

"Hyun..."

 

751. At day 751st we finally met again, she spoke her realization to herself.

 

Looking at her right now with shock and excitement, her poor heart starts beating faster and faster. A ridiculous smile threatening to creep right onto her face as they stand face to face with each other. It was all too familiar, this scene, this moment, as if she went back in time during their first encounter. Hyun... her Hyun still looking as beautiful as ever. The woman she's been waiting for is right in front of her. Finally, there she is.

 

She found herself smiling so widely, failing to contain her excitement. Her legs wanted to sprint towards her Hyun, arms begging to hug her tightly, lips anticipating to give her so many kisses and tell her how much she misses her.

 

"Hi"

 

Hyun spoke softly and a bit shyly…? Seulgi thought that maybe she sounded that way because of how long they’ve been apart from one another. Is she also having a hard time believing what is happening right now like I do? Well then, It’s okay love, I’m here. Seulgi reassured herself and Hyun silently.

 

"May I?"

 

And slowly, she starts walking towards her. She doesn’t want to startle the woman in front of her and at the same time, she wanted to cherish this moment, to take it slow for it feels so surreal. The smile she flashed earlier never leaving, her heart pounded hardly against her chest as she carefully closes the space in between that kept them apart for years. Just a meter away Seulgi, and then, she can finally hug he-

 

"Seulgi! You’re really just going to leave your phone around? Doc’s been calling you, come back here-"

 

"Auntie Wannieeee! Auntie Wannie I'm here! Huggyyyy"

 

Seulgi was taken aback, her feet planted on the floor when a small kid suddenly went out behind Hyun, running past her towards Wendy as he calls out the latter’s name. Everything dropped,

her smile,

her heart,

her hopes.

 

It really is... true. She confirmed what she wanted to believe was a lie.

 

But of course she quickly tried to control the situation. Picking herself up so that Hyun wouldn’t feel bad, so that she wouldn’t feel bad. She hopes so.

 

"Seul..."

 

It almost came out as a whisper from the smaller woman’s lips. She sounded sorry.

 

"If it's alright, may I? still?"

 

And of course her voice betrayed her. While her body acted okay, her voice had to whimper, sounding like she was defeated. Like the whole world decided to drop down right at her.

 

"Seul I..."

 

Without waiting any longer, she closed the gap. Enclosing her Hyun around her arms hoping to feel anything but pain, yet it was all she felt. Her heart resumed pounding against her chest, but this time too harshly that it began to bleed as soon she saw the smaller woman shedding tears staining the front of her long sleeves. Pain. Regret.  Hyun is breaking down inside her arms.

 

"I'm sorry.... I’m very very sorry Seulgi-yah. I didn’t mean any of this... I-I'm sorry"

 

"Shhhh"

 

She wants her to calm down. This isn’t how she wanted their moment to go.

 

"No Seul, believe me... I did wait for you. Every day I waited for you. Every day I-"

 

"Took care of me? I know Hyun, I know because I heard you every day, every night. My hearing was fuzzy, yes, but I clearly heard your soft voice telling me to wake up. Believe me too when I tell you that I badly wanted to open my eyes and see your beautiful face, and kiss you, and hug you"

 

Seulgi admitted. She recalls how it was her velvety voice that kept her company when she was all alone inside her own dreams. She was her reason why she forced her motionless body to wake up only to find her reason… gone.

 

"I'm sorry Seulgi, I should've waited for you longer. If only I-I stayed."

 

"I'm sorry it took me quite a while too"

 

And with that, Hyun cries harder while nudging her face closer inside the crook of her neck. The woman engulfed in her body tightly held her more closely, as if she needs something. As if she was begging for something.

 

"Seul... please forgi-"

 

The slightly taller woman starts caressing the back of the person inside her arms, trying to lessen not just her crying, but the guilt she knows that is slowly building up inside.

 

"Hyun... are you happy?"

 

"Hu-huh?"

 

Slowly, her embrace gets tighter and tighter but she made sure it wasn’t suffocating.

No, she wasn't trying to keep Hyun. She wasn't expecting for anyone to come back, for all she wanted was to make Hyun feel that everything is going to be alright. All she wanted was honesty and-

 

"Please answer me truthfully Hyun. Are you happy now? Are you happy with your small family?"

 

Hyun was confused with the question. She kept her head rested in Seulgi’s shoulder, not daring to look right into her eyes she grew to love so much. It probably shows how much disappointed and betrayed she feels at her right now. She tried to look for the right words, to tell Seulgi the truth, hoping not to break her heart furthermore. But she only realized how her salty tears quickly turned bitter because she was sorry. Sorry for how their fate turned out. Sorry for how easily she gave into temptation.

 

So there was silence. Until she spoke again.

 

"Ye-yes... I am Seul"

 

--her happiness. Seulgi concluded. It was all she wanted.

 

Seulgi felt her heart tear yet calm down as she feels at ease concurrently. She waited for this. She wanted this. She prepared herself for this yet at the same time, she wished that this encounter would have never happen. That their fate would turn into their favor, to her favor. Curse the universe for playing with them!

 

But no, Seulgi cannot be greedy and have her way, especially for her love. She’s happy now, who is she to interfere? She’s the past. He’s the present. But nevertheless, Hyun was and is happy and that was all that mattered for her.

 

"Then that's enough for me. Remember what I told you before when I stayed by the other side of your bedroom door even if you pushed me away so many times? You, telling me to leave every damn minute? I want you to be happy Hyun. I want to make you happy. Whenever you feel like , with all that I am, I will make sure to make you happy and that it was the only thing I’ll never get tired of even if we grow up. Now that you are happy,