A cold midnight. Streets are quiet. Lights are dimmer. People nowhere to be seen. 

Then there's us, walking hand in hand down the quiet and dimmed street. It doesn't bother us. Why would it bother us? We have each other. 

Before we reach our apartment, we stopped by a burger store and ordered the usual. Then, while waiting for it to be cooked, we went to the nearby convenience store to buy a yogurt drink for me and a soda for you. Sometimes, we buy two yogurt drinks or two sodas, but tonight we ordered different things.

We went back to the burger store, got our food, and ate there. Sometimes we just take out our food, but tonight we stayed there. 

In a few hours, the sun will rise again. We probably won't be able to see it, but we will be in our bed, enjoying each other's warmth, warmer than the sun. 

Chaeyoung woke up in a cold sweat. Distraught, she sat up almost immediately. With sweat slowly drenching her, she looked at the time. 2:43 am. She tried to get to sleep but could not. Instead of forcing herself to sleep, Chaeyoung opened her phone and started to look for any anime. Wearing her earphones, she played her chosen anime, but instead of watching it, she lay on her bed again and closed her eyes. Drowning in that sound, she finally felt herself drifting back to sleep. It was 5:33 am.

Another sleepless night. Just the usual.

It was already 12:11 pm when she woke up. The moment Chaeyoung opened her eyes, tears fell down her cheeks, reaching her ears. That's when she realized she was still wearing her earphones, and the anime was still playing. Quickly wiping her tears away while stopping the anime, she got up and went out of the room. The faint sound of her roommate teaching an online class and the delicious smell of meat being cooked by her other roommate welcomed her. A small smile was etched on her face, and a voice on her head said, "it will be a good day." 

Breathing deeply, she braced herself as she survives another day. 

"Good morning, Momo," Chaeyoung greeted the girl cooking their lunch. Momo looked at Chaeyoung with a pitying gaze, seeing how she looked like her soul was clean. But remembering the last conversation they had, she braved a smile and a little jab on Chaeyoung's arm.

"It's already afternoon, Chaeng. You owe me a little something," Momo replied, albeit cautious. Chaeyoung ignored her and just smiled as she reached out for a slice of meat, but Momo quickly slapped her hands away. Chaeyoung complained, but Momo just crossed her arms at the girl. The two were at a stand-off, with Chaeyoung pouting like a little kid and Momo staring down like a stern mother. Good thing that their other roommate, Dahyun, came into the kitchen and laughed at them so loud the two were thrown off with their little acts.

"You guys are such dorks," Dahyun finally said after laughing her off. "C'mon now, let's eat. I'm famished, and my head is aching! Teaching six-year-olds in this setup will be the death of me. You know what? This one kid, I forgot his name, but oh what a pain..."

Chaeyoung did not hear the end of the sentence as she excused herself to go to the bathroom to cry for a bit. Dahyun and Momo knew already why she left for a while and shared a sad gaze, as there was nothing else to do or say. It was just usual. A new part of their routine. And they fear it will take a very long time before this stops.

A cold midnight. Streets are quiet. Lights are dimmer. People nowhere to be seen. 

Then there's us, walking hand in hand down the quiet and dimmed street. It doesn't bother us. Why would it bother us? We have each other. 

Before we reach our apartment, we stopped by a burger store and ordered the usual. Then, while waiting for it to be cooked, we went to the nearby convenience store to buy a yogurt drink for me and a soda for you. Sometimes, we buy two yogurt drinks or two sodas, but tonight we ordered different things.

We went back to the burger store, got our food, and ate there. Sometimes we just take out our food, but tonight we stayed there. 

"Why'd you have to drag me with you? And why did you buy too much stuff? Didn't you have these already back at our apartment?" Chaeyoung asked Momo, who was busy looking around to sit in the mall after shopping. Momo just glared at the younger, and it made Chaeyoung stop asking questions. 

"You know what, instead of looking for a vacant seat on the mall seats, let's just get some food so you can finally sit down," Chaeyoung offered, something she knew Momo would never reject. And true enough, Momo's eyes started to sparkle once more, and she regained energy at once. "I know a good place for burgers, kinda craving for one. Let's go there, shall we?" 

Chaeyoung hesitated for a split second as a memory passed through her mind but shrugged it away. Then, with a slight nod, the two went to that place. 

Usually, Chaeyoung would order two hamburgers. But that was before. She was now sitting across Momo while waiting for their order. Before, she was sitting beside -- no. She closed her eyes immediately and cursed herself for not bringing her earphones so she could distract herself with an anime or a sitcom or anything. Thankfully, Momo saw how Chaeyoung was looking uneasy and talked to her, to distract her, until their food comes. Momo knew full well how certain things easily trigger the girl opposite her, but she did not know exactly why or what triggered her memory. But without a hitch, she just went on and on with nothing and anything just to distract Chaeyoung. And Chaeyoung knew too what her friend was doing. She was apologetic for it, but she knew she needed it and gladly accepted it. She just accepted the pity, the sympathy she received. 

It was their usual thing by now. It was just the way things are now.

A cold midnight. Streets are quiet. Lights are dimmer. People nowhere to be seen. 

Then there's us, walking hand in hand down the quiet and dimmed street. It doesn't bother us. Why would it bother us? We have each other. 

Before we reach our apartment, we stopped by a burger store and ordered the usual. Then, while waiting for it to be cooked, we went to the nearby convenience store to buy a yogurt drink for me and a soda for you. Sometimes, we buy two yogurt drinks or two sodas, but tonight we ordered different things.

Amid the many paper bags that the two are holding, Momo insisted they walk back to their apartment. It was just a few blocks anyway. But Momo seemed to have misjudged the distance and the amount of weight they are carrying because not too far from the mall, she was already tired. 

"Momo, let's just call a cab," Chaeyoung tried to convince her. Of course, she was met with a deadly glare once more, but a phone call called her attention. It was Dahyun, asking for an errand to buy some medicine for her headache. And now Chaeyoung had a reason to get a cab. "Okay, this is what we're going to do. You get in the cab and bring all your stuff while I buy some medicine. That way, you can cook dinner and look after Dahyun. Is that okay?"

After realizing how late it was already, Momo could do nothing but agree to what Chaeyoung had said. Furthermore, Momo could not help but smile at how Chaeyoung took charge. 

Small steps. 

After calling a cab, Momo went away, leaving Chaeyoung alone. Once again, she cursed herself for not bringing earphones, but she could not do anything about it anymore. So, with a deep sigh, she braved the lonely streets leading to their apartment. 

After a block, she finally saw a pharmacy where she bought medicine for her roommate. It felt more than a block for her, though, as she lifelessly walked across the street. A familiar street. All too familiar that it brought a few memories to her. A pained smile crossed her face. She remembered walking down that road going to a particular apartment. She remembered walking down that road thinking of ways to surprise a certain someone. She remembered walking down that road feeling delighted to spend the night with the love of her life. 

What damned memory.

Damned memory that was so precious but now brings her pain unimagined. 

What damned memory, indeed.

And suddenly, it was not a memory anymore. In what seemed like the universe's way of telling a joke, the person who brought her so much joy now painted with hurt was right before Chaeyoung's eyes.

A cold midnight. Streets are quiet. Lights are dimmer. People nowhere to be seen. 

Then there's us, walking hand in hand down the quiet and dimmed street. It doesn't bother us. Why would it bother us? We have each other. 

Chaeyoung froze. It was as if a tub of ice was poured all over her. Suddenly, the person she thought she could have spent all eternity with, the person she made dreams with, the person she promised to be happy with, was in front of her. 

Thoughts swirled in Chaeyoung's head so fast and blurry she could not even make out what those were. She wanted to run away, she wanted to run to her, she wanted to hide, she wanted to disappear, she wanted to talk to her. But nothing. She was just there -- looking at the prettiest girl she has ever laid her eyes on. 

And fate. Oh, ing fate. Did fate want this to happen? Because her ex-girlfriend was already on her way to cross the street, but instead, they made eye contact. 

And oh, how Chaeyoung's breath hitched, seeing the most beautiful eyes that held the universe and just drowned in it. Her eyes started to water, her chest felt like exploding, her feet still immovable. Slowly, her ex started walking towards her, still graceful as ever. Chaeyoung's brain was shouting at her, 'go away, go away!' but she was just there, painfully tracing out every detail of the girl she once had until they were standing face to face.

"Chaeyoung."

Oh god. She missed hearing her name from the lips of an angel. And as much as she wanted to savor it, two syllables did not last that long.

"...Mina."

It took Chaeyoung all the force in the world to even say something. And to say her name made her knees weak. 

Mina smiled at her. It was a smile unfamiliar yet familiar to Chaeyoung, a smile she never thought she would be on the receiving end. It had been two months since they last saw each other, but it felt like a century already. And to see Mina again broke every resolve in Chaeyoung's body and mind and soul. 

But she had nothing to do but to accept it. To accept that it was done. They were done. Even if it breaks her heart, even if it feels like there's a hole in her heart that will never be fixed. 

With a forced smile and shaking voice, Chaeyoung said with all her might, "how are you?"

It was just three words. But to Chaeyoung, it felt like a paragraph, with layers of different other questions, but she did not say more. Chaeyoung found herself walking alongside Mina. It was actually Mina who was walking Chaeyoung to their apartment. Something Chaeyoung had forgotten to do. Funny, usually it was her who would walk Mina to her apartment; now, it was the other way around. 

As they arrived at Chaeyoung's street, it felt as if the world stopped. Chaeyoung held her breath, knowing it might be the last time they would see each other. She had many regrets and sins to atone for; now it was coming back to devour her soul. But, it was just the way it is, she thought.

And now, it was time to say goodbye. Maybe for Chaeyoung, it was not yet goodbye, but it was Mina's demeanor that made her feel it was the end. So they bid each other goodbye. And dear god, Chaeyoung wanted to run after her and hug her and never let her go, but she knew she could never do anything that will make it work. 

It was the end. 

But Chaeyoung's love for Mina never ends. That's one thing for sure. Chaeyoung smiled as Mina's silhouette diminish and looked up at the sky. 

A cold night. Streets are quiet. Lights are dimmer. People nowhere to be seen. 

---

Author's note:

This oneshot is dedicated to the girl I onced shared love with. I know you won't be able to read this but this is for you. We may have parted ways but I will always be here for you. I will always love you and I will always be rooting for you. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I hope you find your happiness.

To my readers, I'm really sorry for not being able to update my other stories. You may have known now that I'm quite in a bad place. I will resume writing for those in time. Thank you so much.