5 May 2021

Jungeun

I've been talking to a counsellor lately, and she says it might help to pen down my thoughts, so here goes-

It's been 7 months since the accident. I've been completely healed already, Jungeun, so why are you still so peacefully asleep? It's scary and it pains me to see you like this. At least you don't seem to be in pain.

Please wake up soon. I'm going to go insane without you, Kim Jungeun.

Your Jiwooming

-

23 June 2021

Jungeun

I'm well enough to go back to work today, and my colleagues have been nice. They seem to be walking on eggshells around me, but I don't blame them. I haven't been myself at all since...

It's oddly comforting, writing this as you're next to me. How are you feeling Jungie? Can you hear me whenever I tell you about my day? Or are you having exciting dreams, so much that you can't hear me at all? I googled this the other day, and some people said that they could hear people around them when they were in a coma. Please tell me about it when you wake up, Jungie, and please do so soon.

Your Jiwooming

-

30 June 2021

Jungeun

Jungie I miss your voice. I miss you so much. You have to be okay. 

Your Jiwooming

-

4 August 2021

Jungeun

You got a haircut today. Your hair has grown out. It's weird seeing you with black hair again. It's been like what, 5 years? Your hair hasn't been black since we were seniors. You look very pretty, but I know you hate having black hair. I asked the hairstylist and the nurse if we could dye your hair, but they said no, sorry Jungie.

Work has been tiring, so I haven't been writing in this lately. I'll just visit you every day and tell you about my day. Seeing you is the best part of the day.

Your Jiwooming

-

9 September 2021

Jungeun

It's going to be a year since the accident, Jungie. Are you never going to wake up? Your injuries have all been healed and you look completely fine already. Aren't you tired of sleeping?

Everyone misses you. I miss you, a lot. I love you so much, Jungie, please wake up soon. It's driving me crazy to realise that soon, it's going to be a whole year since we've talked. I've never been apart from you for this long before, not since we were six. Kim Jungeun please...

Your Jiwooming who can't survive without you

-

20 October 2021

Jungeun

It was hell spending your birthday in the ICU without you just months ago. At least, you're right beside me today. I got us your favourite cake.

The cake ahjumma was surprised to see me though, she thought we broke up when I didn't order a cake for your birthday. I told her what happened, that you are still in the hospital, and we cried together. I knew I promised you I wasn't going to cry on my birthday, but I couldn't help it. It hurts how life seems to go on without you. Cake ahjumma says she wants to visit you one day.

Today wasn't a good day to be honest, I wish I could tell you it was, but I didn't want to lie to you. I couldn't help feeling like I was going to continue to age while you... I won't complete that sentence. 

You'll wake up soon, won't you, Kim Jungeun? You'll wake up and we'll continue spending every birthday together like we've been since we were seven. (Except for your twelfth birthday when you were mad at me for spending too much time with Joowon, of course. You're such a cutie, Jungie)

Kim Jungie's Jiwooming, not Joowon's

-

14 November 2020

Jungeun

A year

-

17 November 2020

Jungeun

Why did you protect me Jungie? Why are you so selfless? I can't help thinking this is all my fault, when my last memory of you was you throwing yourself onto me before the truck hit.

You idiot. Kim Jungeun. Thank you for saving me.

Your Jiwooming who will live well for you

-

28 November 2021

Jungeun

Happy 7th anniversary baby. I miss you lots.

I love you. Come back to me soon.

Kim Jiwoo

-

25 December 2021

Jungeun

Merry Christmas Jungie. 

I walked around for a bit after work. I took a video for you. You love christmas, so I thought you'd enjoy the christmas music around Hongdae.

I got you a new sweater. It's simple, but your doctor said you seemed to be feeling cold after it started snowing a week ago. I put it on for you, is it warm? It looks good on you. Everything looks good on you. I hope you like it.

I only have one wish for Christmas. Please make it come true. I won't ask for anything else. I don't need anything else anymore.

Your Jiwooming

-

3 January 2022

Jungeun

Happy new year baby.

Are you feeling okay? You got sick. I didn't even know coma patients could get sick. Your nurses have been checking up on you regularly, they say it's just a slight cold, but why do you feel so warm? Why is everyone so worried when it's just a slight cold?

I took a few days off to take care of you.

I'm worried, Jungie. I'm so worried. Please be okay.

Your Jiwooming

-

27 January 2022

Jungeun

I met someone new today. Her name is Sooyoung. She asked for my number, said I was cute.

I don't know if you would want me to move on, but I can't. My heart belongs only to you.

She was really nice about it though, she said we could be friends, that maybe we could all hang out together when you're better. 

Your Jiwooming, Kim Jungeun's Jiwooming

-

10 February 2022

Jungeun

Happy 23rd birthday. 

Remember how we met? The boys made fun of your name, and you were crying, and then I stood up for you. After that, little Jungie never went anywhere without little Jiwooming.

You grew up to be such a wonderful, charming person. I never told you the exact moment I fell for you, because I didn't know it either. It was a gradual thing.

I definitely realised before you though. You were so frustratingly clueless.

I love how you're attentive to everyone's needs. It made me sad at first, because I wanted to be first, but you being like this made me fall for you even more. You're genuinely considerate to everyone, not only the one you love.

You still always managed to treat me differently from others anyway. I don't know why I was ever jealous.

I love how you have the biggest heart. This was a long time ago, but I could never forget how you gave up our movie tickets to that elderly couple, who didn't really understand the new online purchasing system. It was one of our first official dates, and I know you were trying so hard to surprise me with that really popular movie I really wanted to watch, but we ended up sitting at the park with Mcdonald's laughing our asses off over some stupid youtube videos. You probably think that it was our worst, most failed, date ever, but I loved it a lot. We wouldn't have been sitting that squished up against each other if we were in the cinema. I don't even remember the name of the movie we were going to watch, by the way.

I love how you treasure the people who love me. Remember when my mom first found out about us, and she started behaving so rudely towards you? Honestly, I hated her then. And then when she was down with a bad cold for a bit, you brought her favourite soup to school, telling me that it was for her. She knew, by the way, that it wasn't me who bought the soup. She apologised to me that night, and that was why she started asking you to come over again. She wanted to make it up to you.

She misses you a lot, my mom. She misses you and your loud voice in our house a lot. I'm sure she tells you whenever she visits, but I just wanted you to know again. She's been going to the temple often for you.

I don't want to cry even more, so I'll stop here.

I love every part of you and I'm so thankful for you, Jungie. Hopefully, you'll be with me on my birthday this year, and we can celebrate all the three birthdays we've missed.

Happy 23rd birthday, Kim Jungeun.

I love you I love you I love you.

Kim Jiwoo

-

15 February 2022

Jungeun

You moved. I swear. I felt your finger twitch in mine. But your doctor said there was no brain activity. Am I going crazy?

But I swear, you moved. I was telling you about Heejin's crush on the new girl. It was then!

You're going to wake up soon, aren't you? You've been sleeping long enough Kim Jungeun.

It's been a year and three months without you Jungie. 

Your Jiwooming

-

2 March 2022

Jungeun

Was I really dreaming?

-

22 March 2022

Jungeun

Sooyoung's really nice, isn't she? I went out with her and her best friend Jinsol a few days ago. Jinsol wanted to come to see you too, but she had last minute plans. You would love both of them.

I think Jinsol likes Sooyoung. I think Sooyoung likes her back too, but she just doesn't know it yet. They remind me of us, but more frustrating. Or were we just as frustrating? I remember being so mad at you because you were so clueless.

I'm going to play cupid.

And then we can go on double dates when you wake up!

Your Jiwooming, professional matchmaker

-

5 May 2022 

Jungeun

It's been a year since I started writing this for you. Why aren't things better? The moment I feel like I'm getting better, I spiral down again.

This probably sounds so selfish, I'm whining about not being able to feel happy while you're here battling for your life.

I broke down during work a few days ago. We were doing some annual cleaning, and I found one of those post-its you always leave around.

Cheer up Jiwooming! Your Jungie will always be here for you! ;) <3

I don't know when it was from, but I've never seen it before, because I keep all of your post-its in a little box. I think it must have slipped out of my lunchbox some day.

Your Jiwooming, who will always be here for you too

-

14 June 2022

Jungeun

Please, I don't want it to be another year without you. I can't carry on without you.

Jiwoo

-

6 July 2022

Jungeun

Your mom talked to me today.

-

9 July 2022

Jungeun

We're turning off your life support at the end of this month, Jungie. Your mom says it hurts to see you like this, and she wants me to be able to move on.

I'm sorry I can't bring myself to say this to you in person. I've been crying too much. I don't want to cry in front of you.

I don't want to move on. You're the best person for me. I don't want to. You should be by my side forever and ever.

You're the strongest person I've ever met, Kim Jungeun. I know I'm asking for too much but please, be strong for me once more. 

I love you so much Jungeun.

Jiwoo