Jiwoo arrived and walked into her silent apartment calmly. Another day had gone by, and she was tired as usual. She wished she could be as young as before. She used to have no problem finishing schedule at 2-3AM. But now even though it was only 9PM, she already yawned. Time passed by so fast, and it’s been 8 years since LOONA’s debut.

 

She settled down by putting her stuffs aside and went directly to clean herself up. Spending time in shower was the best therapy to end the day. For some reasons, she can’t really sleep yet so she chose to go her ‘special room’ where she kept her favorite drinks and had a view of beautiful Seoul. It’s her favorite space in the apartment.

 

She poured the rose wine, took the glass with her and went to rest at the armchair – getting lost in the view. She silent appreciated herself for working hard before, so that she could enjoy the fancy life now. Her apartment is moderately spacious that can even host a home party for 40+ people – except she didn’t do that. Tonight was especially silent.

 

Suddenly, Jiwoo missed the feeling of coming back home to 11 loud and energetic girls. It was nostalgic. The moment she opened the door, she knew that there’s a group of people waiting to cheer her up whether in both good or bad time. Living in the dorm with the whole team was not at the most convenient, yet there’s good times to look back too. But if Jiwoo had to pick, she would choose to live alone. She needed her own space after all. She missed Haseul’s warm words, Heejin’s affection, Hyunjin’s weirdness, Yeojin’s cuteness that can’t be matched with her back then, Vivi’s silent love, Yerims positivity, Jungeun’s nag, Jinsoul & Chaewon’s midnight talks on the sofa and Hyejoo’s tsundere.

 

LOONA was successful till their disbandment after 7 years. They won various grand awards with their hit songs after getting recognition for their talents. They were invincible. However after 7 years during contract negotiation, it was inevitable that some of the members wanted different paths – they knew that LOONA can’t be the same without 12 members. Haseul, Jungeun, Heejin, Hyejoo, and Jiwoo still chose to do music by being a solo artist. Sooyoung, Yerim, and Yeojin chose to focus on MC-ing, and TV program. Hyunjin, Jinsol and Chaewon chose to be actress as they found their passion in that instead. Vivi went back to Hong Kong, and started her own fashion brand. They still hang out from time to time; Jiwoo didn’t join sometimes and excuse herself with her busy schedule.

 

Just as she was thinking about them, her phone’s notification lit up. It was Jungeun.

Jungie: Kim Jiwoo! Look at this video of yourself! you look high, why were you so happy? XD
Jiwoo: Because I aged...why are you bringing up the past? It’s so embarrassing sometimes!
Jungie: I miss our good time from before, and our team T-T so I checked them out. Hey it’s Sooyoung’s birthday tomorrow! Want to throw her a surprise?
Jiwoo: Sorry, Jungie. I am packed tomorrow. Will make up to you guys later.
Jungie: You are always busy :(
Jiwoo: Don’t be sulky! I will be there on your birthday! :D
 

Jiwoo wondered why Jungeun said she looked the happiest, and decided to check the video. Only 2 seconds into the video, she understood why perfectly. It was from their 2nd year during hiatus time. Was she ready for this? She was never ready to look into this, but tonight with the wine digested in her system, she chose to open the wound and dig deeper.

 

She knew exactly who and why made her that happy. Heck, she can’t even be as happy as that time now. She can’t even function in relationship anymore. She even thought she was never capable to love. Of course, she had been dating here and there carefully, yet it always ended quickly. She can’t stand them. In vice versa, they would complain the same thing that Jiwoo never put her feeling in. She admitted that.

 

If Jiwoo decided to hurt herself tonight, she went all the way. She opened Kakaochat, and reread the old message. She realized that she was once be able to madly fell in love – which was something she can’t function these days, or past few years.

 

As she spent hours reading them, her memories played like a scene back too.

One thing for sure, she knew she’s going to miss Sooyoung so bad.

 

It started like this . . .

 

---

 

Jiwoo didn’t know if she felt that since the first time they met and Sooyoung asked for her number in the elevator at the dance academy. It was as if the universe had a plan for them because in the next few months, they were set to debut in the same girlgroup. It felt as if they were soulmates, always understand each other in one glance. Jiwoo actually passed the audition after Sooyoung’s debut as 9th girl of LOONA, with her enthusiasm and bright personality, she got along so well with other girls since day one and Sooyoung somehow found comfort in that too. Sooyoung was stressed out at first to suddenly debut and lived with other 8 girls, but when Jiwoo came in, everything was better.

 

Sooyoung would find Jiwoo to cry to during bad time, and to celebrate with during great time. Jiwoo was indeed glad that she got the trust from the latter too. It was easy to talk with Sooyoung. Jiwoo can’t pinpoint exactly how the butterfly started in the stomach with Sooyoung’s presence. Perhaps, it was from those periods where Sooyoung hugged her, and kept admiring her. Her ‘Heart Attack’ MV wasn’t helping the situation either. Surely Jiwoo had always admired girls but Sooyoung was another level. Everything was too platonic.

 

In the dorm, YYXY shared the room together. Even if everyone had their space (yeah it was bunk bed), Sooyoung would come to Jiwoo’s space and laid next to her. Jiwoo swore everytime she did that, Jiwoo almost ran into heart attack. Did Sooyoung even know Jiwoo could fall for girl? That was too risky for her heart, seriously. Well she already did.

 

Her smile got widen everytime Sooyoung admired her. Her crush for Sooyoung was so obvious that even Yeojin noticed. It was getting big like the green apple in her MV. Hyejoo teased several times too but it seemed Sooyoung was oblivious. She honestly thought that Jiwoo was affectionate like this to other too. It wasn’t exclusive.

 

Thing got worse because one night, Sooyoung even came to sleep with her - saying she had a nightmare. Jiwoo can’t even find a good excuse to say no. Jiwoo had no problem handling herself if Sooyoung did physical contact with her for few minutes or hours…but whole night?

Sooyoung walked over to Jiwoo’s space in middle of the night.

“Jiwoo. Can I sleep next to you?”

“W-what happened?”

“I had a nightmare . . . I can’t sleep.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Jiwoo was glad that light was dark because she was blushing so hard at that moment. Sooyoung then laid her body next to Jiwoo, and cuddled Jiwoo the whole night.

 

Jiwoo looked like the next day, she barely got any sleep. Of course, she can’t let Sooyoung know that, otherwise, she would blame herself for the younger one’s lack of sleep. Luckily, the next day was just practicing . . . she swore she can’t function. Plus with Sooyoung’s remark the moment she woke up didn’t help either. “I had a great sleep last night, thanks Jiwooming!” and Sooyoung kissed her cheek out of appreciation

 

The following night was torturing Jiwoo because the girl asked for the same request. It wasn’t a request, but Sooyoung basically just laid down and sneaked her arms to cuddle Jiwoo. Jiwoo could go crazy at this rate. She can’t keep this going on, so she decided to speak it out. Thank god that the other 2 were sleeping like there’s no tomorrow.

 

“Sooyoung. This is not fair. If you keep doing this, I might . . . lose it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you serious?” Jiwoo was frustrated at this point, “Even Yeojin knows, and you don’t?”

“I don’t catch up. What’s it?”

Jiwoo was silent for a moment, and decided to just say it all out. The frustration was killing her.

“I have a crush on you, Sooyoung. If you keep doing this, I might fall even harder.”

Sooyoung didn’t say anything at first, and it was a very uncomfortable silence. Jiwoo was panic that she started crying silently. Sooyoung could hear it all.

“J-Jiwoo, I am sorry. I didn’t know you feel this.” Sooyoung tried to calm Jiwoo down by hugging her even closely.

“A-are you going to hate me for this? Aren’t you disgusted?”

“What? No!” Sooyoung continued, “It’s just that . . . I’ve never been with girls before . . . and I don’t mind this.”

 

Much to Jiwoo’s confusion, Sooyoung’s lips were on hers before she could even register what was happening. It was surprising but pleasant. With all emotions on the surface, Sooyoung realized why she felt nervous yet comfortable around Jiwoo. She poured it all into the kisses. Everything just felt so right. Sooyoung also realized that she was whipped. Both were whipped, actually. At that moment, they didn’t care about what happen tomorrow or future yet. Those could wait after the kiss.  

 

Everything went from 0 to 100 real quick. Since things were so platonic between them, from the outlook it wasn’t new to the whole group. They didn’t talk about what they were in the first place, so there wasn’t anything needed to confess to the team. It was just basic Chuu and Yves showering each other with love – except they secretly kissed.

Hyejoo had made a comment that they only needed 3 beds in their room because now Sooyoung only slept with Jiwoo, and the others agreed too. Again, it was just basic Chuu and Yves. Only if they knew that things got real.

 

“I love you, Kim Jiwoo.” Sooyoung whispered to her after settling down on the girl’s space.

“I love you too, Ha Sooyoung” Jiwoo gave a small kiss on her lips.

“I love you so much that you probably have no idea”

“I love you more.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you more.”

“Are we having a contest on who love each other more again?” They both chuckled, and cuddled each other the whole night. “Promise me that we’ll always be like this.”

“Yes promise.”

 

It was easy for them to say “I love you” and “I miss you” to each other because they were that affectionate.

“I miss you!” Jiwoo barged into the room (of course only Sooyoung was in the room at the time) after arriving from 5-day-4-night shooting in some forest. Jiwoo didn’t let the latter say anything as she just kept on kissing the girl.

“You say that to everyone, you know.” Sooyoung brought this up bitterly as it’s true…Jiwoo was affectionate to other members too, but it’s not comparable with her. It was her jealousy speaking, and she was well-aware about that.

“No not true!” Jiwoo pouted cutely and suddenly smirked, “baby, I don’t do this to them.”

She started kissing Sooyoung again, with more eagerness. Gosh, she missed the girl so much. Sooyoung was beyond taken back, but glad with the love she was receiving (after no Jiwoo for 5 days). The kiss eventually turned into a make out . . . only to be stopped by hearing some knocks on the door. They get used to it. The tension was real.

 

Things weren’t always well. From Butterfly till their # period, they became so busy. With their concept change and active schedule, it was almost impossible to get a decent sleep on daily basis. Their quality time was also reduced, especially after Sooyoung became the MC for FactinStar. She got more job which Jiwoo should be happy for, but that would also mean even lesser time together.

 

With such withdrawal, Jiwoo got insecure. Again, she should be glad that Sooyoung was getting the recognition she deserves with more fan, and more love calls – she got jealous too. Instead of lashing out, Jiwoo was the type that keep it all inside. She kept in all until . . .  

 

“Baby, I am home!” Sooyoung announced happily walking into their room, and hugged Jiwoo from behind who was sitting on the desk, focusing on her computer.

“S