Large white walls and an empty hallway. The elevator chime sounded and it is the view that welcomed Chaeyoung when she entered the 3rd floor of the largest hospital in the city. She's already 22 years old, but she can still feel nervous and scared while walking in the hospital hallways, particularly at night, as if she's a 7 years old who believes that there will be ghosts or skeletons that will suddenly appear in front of her or walk with her like in the movies.

 

She can hear the ticking of the clock at the other end of the hallway she is currently walking on. The whole place is a 20-storey building and she's thankful that the person she is visiting is not located in one of the highest parts of the place because if not, maybe she already backed out and just visit the next day when the sun is high and there is a lot of people and hospital staff visible in the hallway.

 

She heaved a deep sigh as she finally arrived at her destination.

 

ROOM 324

 

She holds the door knob, knocked three times, before she eventually turned the door knob and opened the door. She was welcomed by the sight of a girl, similar to her age, but a little taller from her, staring at the ceiling while all the lights in the whole room are turned off and the only thing that gives light to the room is the bright moon outside, visible through the window.

 

"Can't sleep?"

"Hey, you have arrived already."

"Yeah. Sorry if I was late. I already brought some of your clothes, Tim, and some board games."

"Ah, Tim!"

 

The girl excitedly screamed while spreading both of her arms with a wide smile on her face. Chaeyoung likes the sight and she misses it so much, that's why, instead of giving the girl her Tim plushie, she hugged her tight instead. Teasing her with her open arms, assuming it's for a welcome hug and not for the plushie.

 

"Ya, Tim is the one I want to hug, though."

 

Though the girl said that with a pout on her face, she still hugged Chaeyoung as tight as the latter hug her."

 

"Don't deny it. You miss me so much and you miss hugging me, as well, more than Tim"

 

They both chuckle as they feel each other's warmth, as well as the hugging of both their hearts.

 

"I won't deny anything because I really miss Tim more than you, Chaeyoung"

"Really?"

 

Chaeyoung withdraws from the hug and the girl in front of her has a serious face, though the younger can sense that she's just obviously trying so hard not to laugh.

 

"Yes, really. I miss Tim the most and he's the only thing I miss"

"Really? Then, okay. Here's your Tim"

 

She gave the Tim plushie to the girl and the latter immediately hugged it as if it's her most prized possession of all the things she owns, as if she's a 6 year old who likes stuffed toys so much.

 

"I'll get going, then. Tim is the only thing you want to see and the only thing you miss, right? Not me? Okay. Bye, Mina."

 

She said and turned her back to the girl, building the seriousness on her face and was about to turn the door knob and open the door when she felt a pair of arms wrapped around her thin waist and a chin planted in the crook of her neck. She can smell the scent of vanilla and mint. It's no other than the love of her life–Mina.

 

"Stay."

 

It's just one word and yet Chaeyoung can already feel the sincerity in Mina's tone and the message she is trying to imply. It made her shed a tear, even if it's just a shallow thing for others. That word has a deep meaning for Mina, particularly for Chaeyoung, because she just knows that she will be the one who will say it in the next few months to the older.

 

Chaeyoung then turned to face the girl and hugged her completely, she rested on her chest, trying to calm herself down by listening to Mina's heart beat and that act made the older tap her back and brush her hair.

 

"I'll always be here to stay by your side. I will never leave you until the end, Mina."

 

A tear escaped Mina's eyes and they never knew that their first day at the hospital will be that emotional. Nevertheless, they tried and promised to be strong for each other.

 

A week ago, Mina was diagnosed with a terminal cancer and it's already in the last stage. Though she is considered healthy by most people because she's a ballerina, has a flexible body and works out a lot and eats healthy food, she still cannot skip the fact that there are high chances that she will get that kind of sickness because of her family history. And in her 20s, she unexpectedly got it and doesn't have any choice, but to accept and live her life to the fullest.

 

She expected it already when she felt some of the symptoms months ago and tried to research about it. She also had her medical exam done and one of the Doctors at the hospital told her beforehand that there's a high chance that a cancer cell will be developed in her system because of her tissues and organs slowly being damaged. She doesn't want to hear any deeper explanation of the Science part of her condition because it will just cause her a headache and it will not change the fact that it will only lead to one ending and so she adjusts.

 

Mina was told to stay at the hospital to get her treatment done easier than staying at her own house. She was told to stay there until it is safe to go back home after examining every progress that will be done in a few months. She already prepared herself for the worst and that's why she made herself comfortable and home in the hospital. After all, it's not her university or her workplace that can be considered her second home like what the other kids were told, but it's the hospital for her, ever since she was a kid who easily gets sick.

 

"Good morning!"

 

A soft but energetic voice welcomed Mina in the bright morning on her 5th day in the hospital. It made her smile first thing in the morning, assuming that she will not spend the whole day alone inside those 4 white walls.

 

"You didn't go back home?"

"Why would I? I told you, I may finally overcome my fear of staying in the hospital and actually get used to going here every single day."

"Silly. It's okay if you will just visit once in a while, though. I already have nurses and a doctor that will take care of me here. Besides, you have work, right?"

"Let's just say that I quit my job and decided to just stay here and take care of you."

"Oh God. Please say that you're just joking, Son Chaeyoung"

"And what if I'm not?"

"Chae..."

"It's okay, Mina. I already saved just a fair, and I guess, more than enough money for us in the next coming years. I also already saved for our w—"

 

Chaeyoung's sentence was disrupted, as it should, when a nurse delivered the patient's breakfast and reminded her to drink her medications right on time and drink lots of water.

 

"Sorry for the sudden interruption in your conversation. Here's your breakfast and medication, Miss Myoui. I'll come back again for lunch. Have a good day."

 

When the nurse and the staff beside her left, Chaeyoung helped Mina to eat her breakfast, even if the latter refused because her arms and her whole body is obviously still functioning and she still feel stronger than ever.

 

"You didn't buy your own food from the cafeteria? What will you eat for breakfast then, Chaeyoung?"

"You"

 

Mina almost choked while chewing the rice in . She then drinks some water before turning her head at Chaeyoung who is currently blushing.

 

"Uhm, what I mean is... how about you?"

"Chae, the hospital breakfast is what I'm going to eat, you already saw it was delivered to me a while ago. Why are you still asking?"

 

The older giggled and Chaeyoung just hides herself in embarrassment. She went to the nearby coffee shop to buy herself a breakfast and eventually eat it in Mina's hospital room.

 

Ever since Mina was admitted at the hospital, their daily lives revolve only just by eating, then talking, sometimes playing board games, having a tour of the mini garden and the mini lake, escaping to go to the highest part of the building, and repeat. There's not many things they can do in that 20-storey building and so they try to entertain themselves through the company of each other. Most specifically, Chaeyoung making Mina feel that she can still live a normal life and Mina making Chaeyoung feel that the hospital is not scary as she thinks it is.

 

When it's night time, they like to stay near the big window of the hospital in the lobby area where they can have the best view of the night sky with twinkling stars in it. Mina likes all of it and Chaeyoung likes to see the satisfied smile in Mina's face because it is as if giving her a relieving feeling, that Mina is not feeling any pain in her system brought by medication and treatment.

 

"Are you feeling okay?"

 

Chaeyoung taps Mina's shoulder and put her head on it a bit before she look at the girl beside her smiling while staring at the night sky.

 

"Yeah. I'm good. Thank you."

"What are you thinking about tonight?"

"Me?"

 

There's a pregnant pause before Mina continued her sentence.

 

"I don't know. Just random things."

"Like?"

"Like... why do you hate going to the hospital?"

 

A chuckle escaped Chaeyoung's lips and it also made Mina giggle.

 

"I'm serious with the question, though. I'm really curious, Chae."

"Hmm... maybe because the horror movies make me hate going to the hospital?"

"That's..."

"Lame? I know, Mina. I truly know that."

"No. I mean... I understand because I also like watching horror movies, but is actually a scaredy cat, so... yeah. Though I'm really not scared to go here because I got used to it when I was a kid."

 

A sad smile was formed on Mina's lips and it made Chaeyoung's heart break. She then holds her hand and squeezed it, gave her an assuring smile and that's enough for Mina to know that what the girl trying to say is that she will always be there.

 

There are times when Chaeyoung brings a lot of books and reads some excerpts or chapters out loud to Mina before the latter goes to bed. It's not that she's obliged like a Mom who will read a bedtime story to her little princess, but she just feels like being sweet to her girl and reading her some cheesy poems.

 

You were none,

and now you're all;

you're worth will rise,

the more I fall

Like those mementos

we have stored,

ones were things–

now so much more.

(excerpt from Lang Leav's Lullabies, p. 41)

 

The poem Chaeyoung have read to Mina may just be a simple one, but it means something to her because she never knew that as time passes by, her love for the girl keeps on getting bigger, until she can feel that her heart can explode already because Mina is everything to her– she's her own ray of sunshine, her hope, her reason to breathe and keep going, and her forever and only love.

 

"Hey, why are you crying? Are you still scared of walking in the hospital hallways at night? I'm sorry, I should've just not let you go back to the house for a certain book"

"N-no. I'm okay. Don't worry about me, Mina. T-there's just a dust in my eyes and I accidentally rubbed it, so I'm now tearing up."

"Chae, I know too well that you're terrible at lying. Now tell me what happened."

 

Instead of answering, Chaeyoung just hugged Mina tight and she doesn't care if she forgot to shut the door of the room quickly after she entered, that moment, she just wants to feel Mina's warmth.

 

"H-hey, what's wrong? Chaeyoung, why are you acting like I'm going somewhere far and you're not going to see me again?"

 

It's a casual question, sure. It's just a simple question, however, when Mina realized every word she have said and the possibility of it being the reason why Chaeyoung hugged her so tight as if she doesn't want to let her go, she understands. She suddenly understands every little thing that has been happening that night and she tries so hard not to cry.

 

"I thought we already made a promise that we'll stay strong for each other? Come on now. We can do this together, right? I believe in myself, I believe in you, I believe in us, Chaeyoung"

 

Chaeyoung then eventually withdraw from the hug, closed the door, and wiped her tears. She calmed herself down and stopped herself from hiccupping due to her hard crying. Mina gave her a glass of water and let her sit on the sofa.

 

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Maybe I was just too scared of everything around me these past few days and I don't want to lose you yet."

"Ssshhh"

 

Mina shushed the girl and hummed her a random lullaby while letting her head rest on her shoulder and hold her hand. Chaeyoung really tried not to cry because the situation should be the other way around where she should be the one to comfort Mina, but here they are, flipping the table and Chaeyoung feel bad.

 

The doctor actually talked to the both of them later that day, gave them some updates about Mina's condition and what they should do to prolong her life, and how she can go back home without worrying about sudden attacks and needs of the health experts and personal doctors accompanying her. He just gave her the usual like reminding her to take her medicines, eat healthy foods, attend the treatment session, and pray that everything will get better.

 

However, as much as he likes to bring good news to his patient, he cannot escape the fact that he needs to state the estimated remaining life she has, as no matter how hard they try to make her feel better, it is still terminal.

 

"Miss Myoui, we're sorry to say this, but we're already trying our best to make your life longer, but the best thing we can give is 5 months. We're sorry, dear. We'll still keep on finding ways to make you feel better, so all you need is to be brave, okay? We believe you can do it, our strongest girl"

 

Mina's world stopped right after she heard the words "5 months". Everything else feels just like a background noise already. Even if she already prepared for the worst, she still can't avoid the pain she is feeling after hearing the worst news she have heard in her entire life.

 

She thought that she's ready– ready to leave everything behind, ready to leave the world behind, ready to leave her behind. But it's just a thought, because in reality, she still needs some time to process everything and fully prepare herself with what will happen in the next months.

 

She didn't shed a tear as she felt the doctor's hand on her shoulder to console her. She just smiled at him, bowed, and thanked him for the update of the progress of her condition and doing their best to make her live longer. She went straight to the treatment right after that in a blank state and let the whole machine eat all her thoughts and worries.

 

She then asked Chaeyoung to go with her to the hospital chapel and they both prayed sincerely, prayed so hard just so their situation can't get any worse.

 

Chaeyoung was desperate, wishing that she can just take all of Mina's pain away and give her life to her just so she can live. She doesn't want her to suffer, she doesn't want to see her crying in pain, helpless, doesn't know what to do. She wants to keep seeing her until the rest of her life, She wants to marry her and have kids with her.

 

She wants to do a lot of things with her once she's allowed to go back home and go out of the hospital, but all of it will remain just a dream because it will never happen.

 

Still, she keeps on praying hard, having faith in Up Above who she believes will make her one and only wish come true.

 

As for Mina, she cannot help, but to just be thankful because at least, she still has 5 months to live. She still has 5 months to breathe, to observe the world around her, to be with Chaeyoung. She doesn't want to disappoint herself and regret about everything anymore. She's so tired of it and maybe her body is also tired from everything.

 

She just needs to accept everything as it is, as if it is the prepared ending to her life story. It is painful and heartbreaking, she already know that. However, she still believes in the power of Up Above, she still hope that there will be a miracle that will happen to her.

 

They both promised to stay strong and stick with each other until the end. Chaeyoung promised to hold Mina's hand and never let it go. She promised to hold her tight on her arms and stay like that forever. She promised to be with her until she can. She promised to stay by her side and never leave her.

 

All of it. All of her promises. Chaeyoung made sure to fulfil all of it because she wants to make Mina feel that she's not alone in this battle, that she is there to say that she did great and that she should keep doing the good work, that she's essential in this world and so she should continue fighting.

 

In those 5 months, they still act normal– went to their little escapes in the mini garden, mini lake, or in the rooftop of the building, Chaeyoung still reads poems to Mina at night, they still often visit the biggest window and watch the night skies and sparkling stars above them, still teases each other about many things in life, express how they love each other and how they find strength in one another, and so much more.

 

Mina was definitely beyond grateful for all of that. She never knew that even in just a short span of time in her life when she met Chaeyoung, she can feel various emotions, experience different things in her life, and she is happy to keep it all in her heart and never forget any of it.

 

In that span of time, as her bond with Chaeyoung keeps on getting deeper, she learned to accept and move forward. She can now let go and leave everything behind any moment now.

 

And since her body cannot take everything anymore, there are lots of tubes connected in her body, so she can still breathe. Chaeyoung makes sure to talk to her every day, even if the girl is unconscious sometimes. She tells her random stories– mostly about their relationship, about the things she is thankful for Mina, about her favorite experiences with her, and many more that keeps the both of them going.

 

When the life support machine suddenly sounded unusual at 3 in the morning where Chaeyoung was in a deep sleep, she immediately stood up to push the emergency button and thankfully, the Doctor and nurses were fast to run her to the emergency room.

 

Chaeyoung has been just there the whole time to hold her hand until she was prohibited to go inside the operating room. She was crying outside, witnessing the whole operation and how Mina doesn't respond to anything the Doctors has been done to save her. Maybe it's really the time.

 

"You can rest now, love. I love you, Mina."

 

She whispered to the wind as her tears keep on falling nonstop. She heard the life support machine once again sound unusual. It's really the end.

 

It's a random thought, but Chaeyoung thinks that her lover's room number is just right for Mina because for her, 324 means "She Is Love". Mina is love.

 

"Time of death: 3:24AM. We're sorry for your loss, Miss Son"

 

Chaeyoung used to hate going to the hospital not just because horror movies made her hate it, but it's actually because she's scared of despair, of death, of losing someone so close to her heart. She hates going to the hospital because she doesn't want to see her loved one have their last breath.

 

But Mina made her think that it can also feel like home because it's where they became closer than ever, it's where they grow and gain hope in everything, and it's where they learned about eternal love.

 

However, it is also the place where Chaeyoung lost her own home–Mina.