“Kang Seulgi?”

 

“Bae Joohyun.”

 

“How are you?”

 

“Let’s talk?”

 

8 months have passed, you still look the same. Maganda ka pa rin. On top of that, you look different. 

 

I nodded as a response.

 

Katulad ng dati, you’re always making me speechless. With your beauty... everything about you.

 

I’m glad to see you again.

 

I found myself sitting inside this café, our favorite, with you in our usual spot. You went to the counter and ordered. I guess, you still remember our usual orders.

 

You came back, still wearing that bright smile — that were never meant for me. I know.

 

“I wasn’t happy, Hyun.” I said the moment you placed our food on the table. 

 

“Seul.”

 

“It was that time. You suddenly messaged me apologizing for leaving me because you saw me happy. Were you really sincere? Paano pala kung hindi pa ako masaya? You won’t reach out to me?”

 

“Hindi ko alam paano, Seulgi. I don’t want to lose you but I didn’t do anything to make you stay.”

 

Silence took over us. I don’t know how our conversation will go but I need to do this. I wanna be selfish just for this time. I want to free myself from everything that relates to her. 

 

We continued eating in silence. Funny how loud we are when we’re dining here. But look at us now, we look like two people meeting for the first time. Like one of us just ask for an available seat and we ended up here.

 

I’m sitting infront of a woman whom I once loved. I smiled bitterly realizing that the woman whom I once offered my whole life became just a part of my past. We could’ve happened. If only...

 

“Joohyun, I was willing to stay but you left me.” I smiled bitterly.

 

Masakit pa rin pala. 

 

“God, I was willing to take you back kahit sobra mo akong nasaktan. I was willing to be your option. As long as you’re happy and I’m by your side.”

 

“Seul...”

 

“Can we have a proper closure now? Gusto ko nang makalaya sayo. This time, for real.”

 

“I’m sorry for hurting you. Sorry kung iniwan kita. Pero, Seul...”

 

I took a sip on my drink as I waited for you to compose yourself. Kahit alam ko naman kung ano ang sasabihin mo. We’re bestfriends. Of course, I would know. Kilala kita eh. And that ing hurts like hell, kilala kita pero bakit di ko pa rin napigilan mahulog sayo?

 

“Seul, mahal ko siya.”

 

I know. I’ve always known. And I wish that I didn't knew to save me from this agony.

 

“It was wrong for me to entertain your feelings while I’m still not over her. Sinira ko lang yung pinagsamahan natin.”

 

“Masaya ka ba?.”

 

“Seul...”

 

“I wanna know if you’re happy now.”

 

You stared at me as if you’re reading my soul.

 

“I am.”

 

I smiled at you. That’s the only thing I want to know.

 

“I’m sorry, Seul. I wasn’t brave enough to face you after I left. Nung nakita kong masaya ka na, sabi ko sa sarili ko baka ‘yon na yung sign for me to talk to you. Kasi di na kita masasaktan.”

 

“Pero nasaktan mo pa rin ako.”

 

“I was blinded with my own happiness, I wasn’t able to notice that you were not that happy.”

 

“Minahal mo ba talaga ako?”

 

“Seul...”

 

“I just want to know. Hindi kasi malinaw eh. Never naging malinaw.”

 

“Minahal kita, Seulgi. Hindi lang sapat para palitan siya sa puso ko.”

 

Tangina. Bull's eye. 

 

“Mahal kita, Joohyun. Walang halong pero. Masaya ako na masaya ka na.”

 

“I’m really sorry, Seulgi. I shouldn’t have messed up our friendship.”

 

“Sorry din, Joohyun. But I can’t be your bestfriend for now. Hindi ko pa kaya. I’m still in the process of moving on from you. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our friends. Hinihintay ka lang nila.”

 

My phone rang.

 

Chewy calling...

 

I smiled upon reading who the caller is. My savior. My reason for a new beginning.

 

“Thank you for this talk, Joohyun. I wish I can stay longer but I need to fetch Chewy.”

 

“Chewy? Tzuyu?”

 

“Yep. I’m pursuing her. One of the reasons why I talked to you. I want a clean slate. I want to be ready for her.”

 

I stood up and bend down to kiss her cheek.

 

“I loved you, Joohyun. Thank you for everything."

 

—

 

You look happier, Seul.

 

“Hyun? Nakasalubong ko si Seulgi. Nagkita ba kayo?”

 

Napatingin ako sa nagsalita. It’s Jennie.

 

“Ah oo. Nag-usap lang.”

 

“So kayo na?”

 

“Malabo na, Jen.”

 

“Hindi mo sinabi?”

 

I shook my head in response. She went to my side and hug me.

 

“Nahuli ako.”

 

 

I lied. I’ve learned to love you more than I love Jennie. That time nabulag ako sa thought na “Sobrang mahal ko si Jennie”. Hindi ko pinansin ang pagmamahal ko sayo na kayang higitan ang nararamdaman ko para kay Jen. Ikaw na lang sa puso ko, Seulgi. Pero masyado na kitang nasaktan. Hindi ko na ulit guguluhin ang nararamdaman mo. Nung nakita ko ang mga mata mo kanina, I saw how happy you are and I’m happy because of that. Tzuyu is far way better than me. She truly deserves you. And this feeling? This is the price of hurting you. I’ll always be reminded of my stupidity of letting you go. My forever regret.

 

Always be happy, my love.