"Fuyumi I'm fine," Shouto sighed, "You're still dealing with Enji, worry about yourself".

 

"Just because I have my own problems doesn’t mean I won’t worry about yours as well", Fuyumi exclaimed over the phone and Shouto had to hold in his likely unwelcome response. 

 

Her thick accent was even clearer though the phone but Shouto didn’t mind. The woman was basically his mother considering how Rei was never there for him. Long ago she had reached her breaking point and vanished from the Todoroki family’s life. It had sent both of his older siblings, Fuyumi and Natsuo, into a depressive spiral. 

 

Fuyumi, the oldest sibling, was more of a parent than Enji or Rei, although it was tough to understand her considering her only language was English. When she was young, Endeavor never bothered to speak to her and her tutor was English. Despite the struggle, in the beginning, Shouto became fluent in it. 

 

With a roll of his eyes, Shouto switched his phone from his left shoulder to his right and continued to swipe at the table with his rag. He knew that his sister meant well but it didn’t mean it wasn’t annoying.

 

Fuyumi called Shouto on the first of every month to check up on him and this May was no different. Although he appreciated the effort, Fuyumi was still living at home with his abusive father to care for after a mugging incident. Although it was terrible to be mugged, Shouto enjoyed what the person must have looked like to take down his beast of a father. Standing at a large 6’5, Enji was a man with broad shoulders and a body built to withstand a tank. Shouto didn’t know who was stupid enough to attack a CEO but, because they succeeded, he had to applaud their effort. 

 

“I’m serious Shouto” Fuyumi’s voice broke through his thoughts easily, “Please come to me if you ever need anything”.

 

Without offering a response, Shouto sighed. He wanted to listen to her but he knew she was struggling in her own way. 

 

It was difficult seeing his sister suffer her life away in the home of an abuser but Shouto couldn’t do much when he was still terrified of the man. Fuyumi was strong, Shouto knew that, yet he worried. Despite his aloof personality, he did worry. 

 

Although it was worrying, Shouto knew that Fuyumi fought back in her own way. The woman never gave in and stood strong. With snow-white hair and streaks of red, Fuyumi looked almost exactly like Rei with her stubborn personality. Thankfully Natsuo, his other sibling, inherited Rei’s looks as well. 

 

Shouto, on the other hand, was a genetic anomaly with dual-colored hair and heterochromia. On his left side were red hair and a blue eye while on his right was white and a brown eye. Rei had hated how it reminded her of Enji. 

 

As Fuyumi continued her tangent, Shouto realized that he was supposed to be listening to his sister instead of cleaning his kitchen. Taking his rag and dumping it into the bucket of cleaning solution, he gave a poor attempt to guess what Fuyumi wanted to hear but it was hard to think with the strong smell of citrus in the air to distract his thoughts.

 

"You win," Shouto offered placatingly and he could hear Fuyumi’s satisfied noise of relief over the phone. 

 

Bingo .

 

With a soft smirk, Shouto mentally congratulated his victory. 

 

“Thank you Shouto, take care of yourself please?” Fuyumi’s smile was audible, “Call me if you ever need anything okay?”

 

"Okay" Shouto replied and added a second later, "Don't let Enji push you around".

 

"I won't," Fuyumi laughed and then the call ended because the Todoroki family didn’t do ‘I love you. 

 

Shouto placed his phone on the marble countertop and stretched his arms above his head. It’d been a while since he worked out and his muscles were stiff. 

 

I should go to the park soon . 

 

The countertop buzzed as a message pinged Shouto’s phone and he swiped away Fuyumi’s notification. He may care for his sister but speaking to his siblings tired him to no end. 

 

It may seem to an outsider that Shouto was a horrible sibling to Fuyumi but that was their dynamic. If he were suddenly enthusiastic to her out of the blue, she'd assume Shouto was kidnapped and call the FBI. Although Fuyumi was mild-mannered, she'd do anything for Shouto.

 

Shouto would do the same without hesitation considering she's the reason he even had a friend outside his family. When he was in middle school, Fuyumi signed him up for a pen pal program with a student his age in America against his will. At first, Shouto refused to respond to the letters, yet he still read all of them. Finally, after two months, he responded with a hello and received an enthusiastic two-page, front and back, response. 

 

Those letters were in a box underneath his bed even now.

 

Ochako was a good friend but her saviour complex was tiring after she tried her best to ‘fix’ Shouto, her efforts being for naught. He was a loner and that was a hard habit to break.

 

All other thoughts died away once Shouto's stomach growled angrily. In order to combat the silence while thinking, Shouto leaned over the sink to switch on the tiny, portable radio to 86.5 FM, his favorite station. It regularly played his little guilty pleasures such as Counting Crows and The Dispatch. He loved the type of music that made him feel like he was wrapped in a comforting blanket yet he wouldn’t ever admit that to anyone.

 

His kitchen was a sleek metallic modern area, which matched the rest of his house. The house was a two-story building painted gray and white with columns lining the door. Inside he had three rooms: one for his office, one for his library -which was the biggest room-, and the last room for his bed. Not that he sleeps there anyways. 

 

Today was his cheat day on his diet but Shouto was far from a cooking mood so he pulled out a frozen meal from his refrigerator and popped it in the microwave for 4 minutes. Once it was done, he pulled it out and waited for it to cool patiently. As usual, the meal was made for one and with that thought, he came to the conclusion that it’d be nice to eat a meal with someone.

 

If only Ochako wasn’t working at the station.

 

The meal was a chicken masala that he actually enjoyed but rarely got to have. As he pulled the plastic out of the microwave, the dark tray burned in his hands. Wincing at the heat, he nearly tossed the plastic plate onto the wood. 

 

Shouto then sighed and sat at the large marble table. It felt lonely eating by himself but he was honestly used to it. After he finished eating, he placed the utensils in the soapy water of the sink and headed to the couch to watch a show.

 

The white leather couch was peeling at the edges of the armrest and Shouto picked at the protruding pieces as the light from the t.v lit up the room. It was still brand new yet, since he’d used it so much, the couch was already in need of repairs. 

 

Like always, Shouto fell asleep after half an episode and then woke up in the middle of the night; the light from the tv still going strong. Insomnia was a demon to deal with and he switched off the t.v in favor of heading to the roof to stargaze.

 

In his room, the bed was made neat and tidy yet Shouto couldn’t remember the last time he’d made it. The carpet underneath his feet muffled the sound of his footsteps and he thanked himself for having the foresight to place some down. As Shouto pushed open the window it screeched loudly and he winced at the noise. Thankfully, to make up for the loud noises of his house, was a flat plane of asphalt tile where he could lie. 

 

 The stars were dim due to the city’s bright lights and silently Shouto noted that he’d like to move away to somewhere in the countryside. He stayed on the roof the rest of the night until the sunrise painted his roof a beautiful golden color. 

 

---

 

It was raining on the first day Shouto met him. 

 

Washington seldom rained, which was one of the reasons Shouto elected to move there from Japan. It’s not as if he despised the rain, it’s that with the rain came trouble.

 

Mood ugly and dreary from a 13-hour graveyard shift in the ICU, Shouto was ready to return home and sleep off the tiring events from his workday. He was dead on his feet and exhausted from dealing with psychotic patients and irresponsible coworkers. 

 

Shouto stumbled through the hallway and stopped before the sign out system which was slow and irritating. After punching in his card for the upteempth time, Shouto sighed and waited for a moment before trying again. That try was successful and he let out a breath of relief. 

 

Although he had the option of changing back into his clothes in the locker room, Shouto kept his scrubs on. With a disgusted look, he pulled the sweaty material away from his skin as he shrugged on his backpack. 

 

"Have a great day Shouto!" Denki, a new hire, chirped happily to Shouto as he passed. 

 

He had a lean build, big brown eyes, and bright, almost electric, yellow hair that you could only get if you dye it. The kid was wearing the wrong color scrubs - navy instead of a dark seafoam- and Shouto almost felt pity for the fresh out of med school nurse.

 

Knowing that Denki looked up to him and had already latched onto him like a barnacle on a whale, Shouto forced himself to breathe through his nose and find some semblance of energy for the poor kid. Although he liked him at moments, most of the time he could only tolerate the energy for ten minutes. It’s as if Denki was a battery that sapped Shouto's energy.

 

Shouto forced his hand up in a wave before dropping it down in exhaustion. Maybe he should call Ochako; Shouto didn’t want to drive a car exhausted. 

 

"Thanks. Uh, you too" Shouto responded tiredly.

 

While Shouto tried and failed to sound encouraging, Denki's face still lit up and he turned to pump his fist as if Shouto couldn’t see him. Too tired to deal with that at 8:16 in the morning, Shouto just sighed and turned around.

 

The nurse didn’t even have the energy to notice the smaller man with a nest of green curls until they collided. Irritation flickers at the person for not watching where they were going but he quickly pushed it down when the visitor's badge flashed at him under the fluorescent lights. He then tried to activate his professional mode but he was much too exhausted for that. 

 

Shouto’s initial thought was ‘can that he watch where he’s going?’ but it soon morphed into ‘oh no did I hurt him?’ . 

 

As a nurse, Shouto had trained his eyes to notice any small movements or slight giveaways that there may be pain and the first movement he noticed was that the muscles of the person seized up sporadically during the collision. Almost imperceptibly, as if the stranger forced his body to ignore the spasms, his hands twitched in rapid succession. 

 

Shouto’s interest peaked.

 

Quickly, the man reached out to rest his hands on Shouto, who quite clearly had not moved an inch, under the guise of steadying him. Shouto had honestly tried not to flinch but failed and horror crawled onto the man’s face. 

 

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, sir! Are you okay?" The man warbled as he jerked his hands back as if he’d burned.

 

For a mere moment, Shouto let his appreciation of the other man’s impressive looks flash across his mind. He looked to be around 5'8, with various types of markings on his arms but Shouto can't see closely enough, a well-built body that betrayed years of hard work, and a head of untamed curly green hair that matched the color of his eyes. 

 

Although the man was attractive, many people were passing by the pair and anxiety began to creep in at the attention. Some people were glancing at them oddly and while the stranger paid them no mind, Shouto was becoming more and more uneasy. 

 

Does it look like I want to speak to you?

 

 "I'm alright, could you back off please?" Shouto asked as politely as he could but, unable to control his tone this tired, it came off as rude. 

 

The emerald green eyes flickered with annoyance for a second before a genuine and apologetic glint replaced them when he noticed Shouto’s tense shoulders. The stranger respectfully backed away as he sighed in relief, appreciating the action. 

 

Clearly unperturbed by the accidental rude remark, he shoves his hand in Shouto's direction as he introduces himself cheerfully, "Hi, I'm Izuku Midoriya". 

 

Eyeing the outstretched hand warily, Shouto weighed the pros and cons of brushing off the formal greeting and in favor of leaving to go to his vehicle. It’s been a long night; he’d had four patients instead of two, one of which was adamant that Shouto was attempting to murder, and one threw up on his scrubs so Shouto quite clearly wanted to go home. 

 

Izuku was odd in the regard that most people would have apologized and avoided the intimidatingly large nurse. For a Japanese man, he stood well above average at 6'10. The man in front of him looked to about 5'8. Not to mention, Shouo’s permanently apathetic face depicts him as a man silently plotting murder. 

 

As a teen, Shouto's peers would often mistake him as an adult who'd wandered onto the school grounds and over the years he'd gotten used to the skittish treatment. While Izuku was a breath of fresh air, he was still unnerved by his behavior. 

 

A considering look from Shouto's eyes swept over Izuku's body and suddenly he recognized the badge from earlier. A few years ago, the family of a recently deceased cancer patient started up a program for visitors to come and volunteer to give lonely terminal patients a friend. The badge stuck to the white t-shirt labeled “dress shirt” was clearly admitting Izuku as a volunteer. As a nurse who's seen firsthand the loneliness and pain those individuals had to endure, Shouto's heart softened towards the chaotically untogether man. 

 

The man’s hand was still stretched out politely despite the time it was taking Shouto to decide. Denki was eyeing them from the counter not so subtly but it didn’t matter as long as he didn’t barge into the conversation.

 

Hesitantly, Shouto reached out to shake Izuku Midoriya's hand. Silently noting that while the man had a soft air to him, his grip was firm and his arms littered with old battle scars. The man had likely served in the military and that fact automatically awarded him Shouto's respect. 

 

Pushing the note aside, Shouto attempted a poor smile, "Shouto Todoroki”.

 

"Shouta was it?", Izuku repeated, clearly having misheard the slightly taller man.

 

"Shouta? It was Shouto", Shouto corrected, face twisting oddly in confusion at how Izuku received that from his name, “Shouta is the lead doctor here, I’m just a nurse”. 

 

A small sense of regret spread throughout Shouto’s chest, feeling bad that he called him out when Izuku’s cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment and he began to stutter out an apology, “Ah sorry! My words slur together sometimes, I actually have an appointment for it”.

 

The sympathist in him cringed as he realized that Izuku clearly had a speech impediment. It wasn’t incredibly kind of Shouto to correct him so curtly and he mentally berated himself. The fluorescent light above Shouto flickered and he glanced up, suddenly remembering. 

 

“You should also mention muscle spasms”, Shouto offered mildly, as a form of an apology. 

 

Although he meant it as a peace offering, Shouto couldn’t deny that he was curious about Izuku's other symptoms. Slurring his words and routine muscle spasms? Something about that spelled trouble yet without more information Shouto couldn’t be of help.

 

Izuku’s face twisted in confusion and his eyes glanced down at his scarred arms. When nothing seemed amiss he flipped them over. It was amusing for Shouto to watch the man struggle to find the invisible fault.

 

“H-huh” Izuku sputtered out, “My muscles don't spasm!".

 

"Well I happened to notice when we collided", Shouto sighed, a bad habit of his, and prepared himself to have to explain his reasoning. 

 

“Oh, I-I see” Izuku mumbled out, before muttering something under his breath about muscle memory that Shouto didn’t catch. 

 

When Izuku didn’t stop muttering, Shouto rolled his eyes in slight amusement and took the moment to judge Izuku critically. Ochako, his old pen-pal, nagged Shouto daily about getting a new friend and Izuku seemed like an easy enough target. While Izuku could be a mass murderer, Shouto didn’t have ten years of forced Judo experience under his belt for no reason.

 

Still muttering to himself, Izuku suddenly looked up with wide eyes, "Wait, what time is it?".

 

Shouto obeyed quickly, flipping his wrist over to glance at the fitbit on his arm, still surprised that his reasons weren’t questioned, "It's 8:34 am".

 

After pausing for a second, Shouto wrinkled his brows. He honestly couldn’t remember if it were night or day after his shift. 

 

Did I tell him the wrong time?

 

But his worries were for naught as Izuku gasped and stumbled past him.

 

As Izuku ran down the hallway, he shouted over his shoulder, "Sorry Mr. Shouto but my appointment is in six minutes! I'll see you around!". 

 

Shouto gave an affronted huff through his nose at the lack of disrespect for the hospital rules of running as well as the abrupt end to the conversation. Everything at that moment was overwhelming; the people, the lights, and the sounds. Even though the scrubs on his body were made for comfort but the fabric rubbed at the sensitive skin.

 

Well, there goes my excuse to get Ochako to stop nagging. 

 

Shouto shrugged away the earlier attempt of being friendly, despite being slightly insulted. It didn't matter because Shouto was ready to go home anyway and he began to trudge towards the exit once again. The sliding doors opened with a loud screech and a coworker nodded his goodbye at Shouto sympathetically.

 

There was no point in nodding or waving back because Shouto had no plans on making friends with anyone in the hospital. The people in his workplace were to stay separate from his home life and that included patients.

 

While Izuku was an odd person that made Shouto want to unravel him like a puzzle, there was that certain air to him that portrayed something unknown. Shouto didn’t like the unknown, it was something he couldn’t predict or control. 

 

They were likely to never meet again and Shouto was okay with that. 

 

---

 

The steaming cup of coffee Shouto had in his hand spilled down the front of his white t-shirt, staining it a deep brown, and he hissed through his teeth at the pain. It was fresh so the liquid quickly reddened his skin and Shouto had to pull the cotton away from his skin to avoid a burn.

 

And it was free too .

 

Shouto forced the expletives down his throat and glanced up at the person who ran into him mere moments ago in what was hopefully a controlled manner. It was a nice sunny day. A fabulous contrast to the turmoil Shouto was experiencing. 

 

“Hello to you too,” Shouto said blandly to the person that had caused the collision. 

 

With a cup in hand, Shouto had just been walking down the street, observing the cloudless cerulean sky, when another solid body bumped into his and caused the dark liquid to slosh out of its container. 

 

A familiar face greeted him but Shouto was quite apathetic about seeing it. While he seemed like a nice guy, Shouto was having a pretty rough day and he didn’t feel like having to pretend to have patience. 

 

First, Shouto's alarm didn’t go off so the schedule for his only day off was thrown off course. Second, a competition overtook the park Shouto took his morning runs in so he couldn’t complete his daily workout. And when he finally caught a break and won a free coffee from a flirtatious woman, despite wearing a pride button, someone ran into him and spilled scalding coffee all over the front of his shirt. 

 

“Oh my god I am so sorry!” the man cried out in regret, then took a moment to pause and study Shouto's face, “Wait Shouta?”.

 

Shouto cocked his head and tried to remember when a complete stranger had given him such a cutesy nickname “Actually it’s Shouto and it’s alright. It’s just a shirt”. 

 

“Oh- sorry Shouto!” Izuku apologized once more and offered a handkerchief he’d magically produced from his pocket, “And well it’s not just about the shirt, it was probably hot!”

 

“Do you always have a napkin on your person?” Shouto asked inquisitively, “I thought only old people do that?”.

 

“Hey!” Izuku sputtered indignantly, clearly, Shouto had struck a nerve, “I am twenty-one, thank you very much, and this old person just saved your skin from perpetual blisters". 

 

As Shouto took the napkin and dabbed it gently against his sore skin, Izuku gnawed on his lower lip worriedly despite his carefree words. Clearly, he didn’t believe Shouto when he said he didn’t mind. Truly he didn’t, although he didn’t appreciate the slight burn. It wasn’t the first time anyways. 

 

“Permanent blisters?” Shouto said as the corners of his lips tilted upwards in a half-smile, an act that caught Izuku off guard. 

 

“Uh- yeah!” Izuku stumbled over his words, likely not anticipating Shouto playing along, “Blisters were pretty gnarly”. 

 

A woman with a large Golden Retriever on a leash brushed past the two and eyed Izuku. With a smug satisfaction, Shouto realized that Izuku hadn’t even given her a glance. For a few moments he kept dabbing at the shirt but then paused. 

 

Why was that so satisfying? 

 

The coffee stain long forgotten, Shouto actually laughed out loud, “ Gnarly? Your humor is odd”.

 

“Wha- rude!”, Izuku pouted, face so red that Shouto could have mistaken him for a tomato, “And you’re one to talk! You speak like an old person”

 

That struck a nerve with him because Ochako had accused him of being an old person in a “youngin’s body”. Body stiffening, Shouto took a defensive stance and Izuku visibly noticed. 

 

“Excuse you, I am twenty-one as well”, Shouto frowned, insulted that he was called an old person despite saying the exact phrase moments earlier. 

 

Izuku’s eyes widened and for a moment Shouto thought he was going to accuse him of lying, but to his relief, Izuku began to laugh. A leaf tumbled from the trees above them and blew into Izuku’s face but he just absentmindedly brushed it away. 

 

“You’re terrible! We’re the same age”, Izuku cackled as he wiped the tears from his eyes dramatically. 

 

Although he didn't know Izuku well, Shouto could admit that he had a nice laugh. Oddly enough, he felt so relaxed around someone who was practically a stranger and it was… nice. He’d never in a million years admit that out loud but it had been a while since he’d spoken to someone so casually outside the normal routine.

 

“I guess” Izuku breathed, out of breath from laughing too hard, “I take it back, your humor is just aged”.

 

“Thank you,” Shouto said, the odd high he was on earlier having slowly bled back into a familiar indifference.

 

With an awkward cough, Shouto cracked his fingers loudly and Izuku flinched at the noise. A glance up in surprise awarded him the image of a slightly terrified Izuku and he swiftly dropped his hands. 

 

“I gotta get home, my cat was very picky and he’ll be upset if I’m not home to feed him lunch” Izuku tried to fill in the quietness clumsily at the abrupt lack of conversation.

 

“Is his name Pickle?”, Shouto asked honestly, not meaning to poke fun.

 

The connection between picky and pickle was clear in Shouto’s mind although, by the look on Izuku’s face, he did not agree. The lines between his brows were furrowed and Izuku looked oddly young with that expression. 

 

Izuku crossed his arms with a smile and shook his head, “Actually, it’s Mr. Purrfect”. 

 

“You named him after a pun? ” Shouto quirked an eyebrow and meant to tease this time. 

 

It was priceless that the cat was named Mr. Purrfect when nothing on Earth could be perfect. Shouto had to admit that it was funny but he’d never subject an animal to a name like such. 

 

I bet his cat hates him . 

 

“Shut up”.

 

For a moment he thought he’d misheard Izuku but quickly Shouto realized that he was fighting back. He was about to shoot back a sarcastic response when it dawned on him that Izuku was being playful. Shouto stared at Izuku for a second before bursting into silent laughter, he didn’t expect Izuku to be so filled with snark.

 

The action startled Izuku enough for him to drop his phone and his eyes widened, “Well, looks like Mr. Todoroki can laugh! And here I thought you were a robot”. 

 

“I’m not a robot”, Shouto dropped his laughter and frowned. 

 

Many students in grade school had called Shouto a robot and, even to this day, he harbored some resentment towards the accusation. As he pouted, the smell of coffee wafted up as the breeze grew stronger and Shouto quickly realized that the stain on his shirt had dried. 

 

Yet another shirt ruined. 

 

“Sorry sorry”, Izuku smiled as he bent down to pick up his phone, taking a moment to inspect the screen, which was fine, “Oh that reminds me, can I have your number?”. 

 

Shouto did a double-take and narrowed his eyes in distrust. His eyes flickered down to look at the phone in Izuku’s hand then looked back up to stare into his eyes. He didn’t know this person and, as nice as they were, a stranger was a stranger. 

 

I don’t know his intentions..

 

But Shouto did know what their intentions were. They were clearly romantic intentions and he didn’t know quite how to feel about someone as forward as Izuku. But, regardless, it was nice to be the object of somebody’s affection. 

 

“You want my number? Mine?” Shouto asked, measuring. 

 

Izuku leaned to his right and glanced above Shouto's shoulder, “Well I haven’t been talking to anyone else for the last five minutes, have I?”. 

 

The amount of sarcasm that filled such a tiny man would never cease to amaze Shouto. The corner of his mouth nearly quirked up into a half smile but he quickly suppressed it. 

 

“You’re a little , you know that?” Shouto replied with a neutral gaze, recovering surprisingly quickly. 

 

Izuku smiled with teeth so white Shouto was tempted to ask for his brushing routine, but he was being odd enough without asking for advice about hygiene.

 

“Of course,” Izuku answered, grinning mischievously, “Now can I have your number?”. 

 

Shouto contemplated the idea for a second. With barely a second thought, he shook his head in disapproval. The action surprised both men despite Shouto being the one to do it. 

 

Because he was still unsure of Izuku, Shouto realized he still needed time to think it over. One, Izuku was a complete stranger, and two, the last time Shouto willingly tried to become friends with someone it ended badly but, despite that, he wanted to give Izuku a chance.

 

As someone who’d lived with an unpredictable force for eighteen years of his life, Shouto had learned how to judge a person’s intentions from their personality. Izuku seemed to harbor no ill intent but Shouto didn’t see a future with a happy ending. 

 

The silence was getting to Shouto’s head and he awkwardly rubbed his bicep, hoping to shy away from Izuku’s measuring look. For a second the wind blew harder and he pushed his hair out of his eyes, still waiting for his answer. 

 

“Seeing as I’m unlucky enough to run into you twice, if you happen to run into me a third time you can have it then” Shouto explained, hoping he didn’t anger Izuku. 

 

“Well”, Izuku said, completely baffled but still willing to play along, “Good thing I'm a lucky man. Third time's the charm?” 

 

Blowing out a breath of relief, he relaxed and his eyes softened. With a smile, Shouto ruefully handed back the loaned handkerchief which was sadly limp and stained from the liquid. It truly was a beautiful handkerchief and thankfully it seemed as if the color would wash out

 

“Third time’s the charm”, Shouto responded in agreement.

 

An easy smile spread across Izuku's face once again and, with the tip of his invisible hat, Izuku bowed to Shouto playfully and waved goodbye. After glancing to the right and left of the street, Izuku dashed across.

 

The wind blew the smell of storm and Shouto pulled the sticky cotton away from his skin in disgust and tossed his now empty cup into the trash can, now needing to rush home lest he be caught in the rain.

 

I wonder if I said the right thing. 

 

Somehow he didn't doubt that Izuku would find a way back to him.

 

---

 

The quaint cafe/bookstore had a soft piano medley filtering throughout the building and the few patrons were all nodding their head along to the music, except Shouto. Shouto was the one playing the piano for all the guests. 

 

It was a two-story building with vivid green ivy vines creeping up the sides. The metal chairs in front of the large window curving elegantly and with a black cat skulking around the rose bush's edge. A low-hanging victorian sign hung from the side of the building and faced the road to read "Read and Tea". The cobbled stone path leading up to the door was lined with small blue flowers that often followed Shouto home on his clothes.

 

Quite often Shouto would come there to play for Jirou, the owner who he was familiar with. While in the beginning, they couldn’t communicate due to Jirou’s deafness, Shouto soon learned sign language as well as the Japanese form. 

 

His fingers flew across the piano keys naturally, as if they were meant to be there. Meant to be playing a song with a meaning that words could not convey. 

 

When did I become this cheesy?

 

It wasn’t rare that Shouto would say words in an almost poetic sense that often confused others. The frequency of such often scared people away which was likely why he only had one friend. 

 

Jirou understood this and harbored no judgment towards him. The woman even reserved Shouto’s preferred table for him on Tuesdays when he would most often come in. It was such a sweet sentiment that he offered to play music for free. The act had actually increased the number of customers and Jirou couldn’t thank him enough.

 

Although Shouto was forced by Enji to learn the piano, he’d always found it freeing. The act of venting his frustrations through a song without using his voice was an attractive advantage.

 

Words could be misinterpreted, music could not. It was beautifully truthful.

 

As Shouto neared the end of his final song, a young girl bashfully inched up to the stage’s edge  and quickly stuffed a dollar into the empty jar on the piano before dashing off. Although he never asked for money, Jirou insisted on having an option for it. 

 

As his pinky gracefully landed on the final key, a few customers looked to Shouto and clapped softly. Shouto found no satisfaction in the applause he was given but the look on Jirou’s face was enough to help him feel some reason for doing what he does.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Shouto noticed a head of green hair and whipped his head around. The feeling of disappointment spread through when he realized that it was a different man. 

 

I wonder where that stranger is?

 

Shouto stepped off the stage with a curt wave and left the cafe feeling oddly upset. 

 

---

 

Shouto’s chest heaved as his lungs worked overtime, feet pounding the pavement. The tanktop on his body was almost soaked and he was tempted to toss it off but he'd rather the scars on his back now be visible. Although he’d accepted them, they were an unsightly image. 

 

As he runs in the early morning light, his earbuds blast Mother Mother, which gains some unwelcome glares from middle-aged women. It was the perfect day to be running; chilly enough to keep him cool but still warm enough that he didn't freeze his sweat off. 

 

Suddenly a brown spotted cat leaped into Shouto's path and he stumbled over his own feet in an attempt to not kill the feline. Shouto stops and steadies himself so he could shoot a glare at the cat, expecting it to either hiss and scamper away or at least move from the path. But, to Shouto's annoyance, it just meowed and lifted its paw to clean the lingering dirt particles. 

 

Why is it that this park always brings me some sort of disturbance?

 

"Shoo," Shouto said, making a sweeping motion with his hands, "I have to finish my run. Where is your owner?".

 

As soon as Shouto finished his sentence, he sensed someone approaching him from behind. The sound of dirt shifting beneath heavy footsteps was loud even underneath the overlapping sounds of his playlist. 

 

Although he didn’t like the feeling of being approached from behind, Shouto didn't feel the need to go on the defensive, for now at least. There was no ill intent coming from the person so Shouto neglected to turn around. Years of training to hone his senses had always come in handy when discerning whether or not a person was malicious. 

 

"Look at this! Could it be Shouto?" A deep voice rumbled from behind Shouto and his posture straightened in familiarity, "Third time's the charm, wasn't that right?".

 

Shouto shook his head in disbelief and almost smiled, "Well this is surprising".

 

It'd only been a week since Shouto last saw Izuku and made his promise to give Izuku his number if they met again. Considering how large Washington was, either Izuku must be the luckiest man in Seattle or Shouto was a magnet for happy-go-lucky people.

 

It was likely a mix of the two. 

 

After reaching out to pick up the silky-haired feline from the dirt, Shouto turned to face the not stranger. Izuku wore a plain white t-shirt with the word 'workout shirt' in bold and a red leather jacket atop it. While the jeans didn't hold his gaze, the bulky red shoes forced Shouto to arch an eyebrow and wince but he refused to comment out of respect.

 

It seems that Izuku had gone through the same process of scrutinization; by the time Shouto was looking into the emerald green eyes, Izuku's gaze was on the complex geometric tattoo on his left bicep. 

 

"Nice tattoo" Izuku swallowed absentmindedly, not so visibly but Shouto was looking for the reaction.

 

"Nice shirt" Shouto responded indifferently.

 

Izuku furrowed his eyebrows and pulled the hem of his t-shirt forward to read the lettering. With a grin, he realized what he was doing and dropped the fabric from his grip.

 

"Oh, thank you!" Izuku laughed sheepishly, "I forgot what I was wearing".

 

Hiding a laugh beneath a cough, Shouto nearly smiled. It seemed oddly adorable how clumsy Izuku was, yet not in the physical sense; not to mention how the truth was second nature to him. If liars were a blade of grass in the ground, Izuku would be the flower. 

 

The phrasing sounded cheesy but Shouto knew that it was the truth. After many years of lies, the truth was a nice change of pace. 

 

“Sounds about right,” Shouto said lightly, pushing away the embarrassing thought from earlier, “It was my number you wanted, right?”.

 

A smile split across Izuku’s face and he nodded his head vigorously, reminding Shouto of a very enthusiastic child. An enthusiastic child with the legal right to ask Shouto out.

 

“Yup, that’s it!” Izuku chirped happily, “I noticed the pride pin on your shirt the other day and couldn’t help but ask”. 

 

Shouto eyed Izuku warily for a split second before making his decision and switching off his music so he could hand over his phone. Despite Izuku’s trustworthy nature, Shouto was still cautious about their friendship, if it could even be called that. 

 

His gut instinct was that Izuku could be trusted, but there was a sense of foreboding about their future that he rarely gets. Shouto wanted to listen to it but he was a man of his word, and if he said Izuku could have his number then he could have it. 

 

Shouto almost forgot that he was having a conversation with a real live person and was startled back into reality with a jump when a blur moved into his vision. At Shouto's odd reaction, Izuku raised an eyebrow.

 

“Are you okay?” Izuku asked cautiously.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Shouto responded as he snatched back his phone from Izuku's grasp in embarrassment, “Did you add your number?”. 

 

“Yeah, I did,” Izuku said happily, “Thanks for taking a chance on me”. 

 

That sentence would have thrown Shouto off guard if the cat in his arms didn’t decide at that moment to shove its paw into his mouth. Quickly, Shouto spat out the offending object after he let out an offending noise. The cat just leaped down onto the ground ungracefully, stumbling slightly, to prance over to Izuku in satisfaction. Shouto stared indignantly at both Izuku and his cat as he bent down to pick up the feline. 

 

“Sorry sorry” Izuku cackled, “I forgot to warn you that Mr. Purrfect has no boundaries”. 

 

Motioning towards his mouth, Shouto rolled his eyes at Izuku, “Really? I didn’t notice”. 

 

But Shouto wasn’t really mad about it. In fact, it made the awkward phrase from earlier a bit easier to swallow. Although he was kind of angry at the cat, Mr. Purrfect was cute enough to get away with it.

 

“ I apologize Mr. Shouto, you looked hungry ” Izuku imitated a deep proper voice poorly and lifted up Mr. Purrfect’s paw and waved it apologetically.

 

Without a response, Shouto turned around and began walking away, knowing they would follow. And, as if on cue, Izuku cried out from behind him. 

 

“Wait come back! I’m sorry!”

 

Shouto mercifully slowed down enough for Izuku to catch up which earned him a blinding smile. Thankfully he was prepared for that; Shouto had noticed that Izuku was a naturally pretty joyful guy. It would surprise Shouto if he'd ever had a frown on his perpetually smiling face.

 

“Can you put that away? It’s blinding” Shouto commented coolly, almost as if he hadn’t just attempted a pick-up line he’d stolen from Denki. 

 

“Put what away? All I did was smile?” Izuku cocked his head in confusion before realization dawned upon him, “Oh you’re pretty smooth!”. 

 

Shouto tried and failed not to let the compliment go to his head but his pride quickly spiked. To avoid his embarrassment, he bumped shoulders playfully with Izuku enough to cause him to falter. Despite his well-built body, Izuku was surprisingly heavy on his feet. 

 

“Hey!” Izuku cried out indignantly as he struggled to right himself. 

 

“What?” Shouto asked innocently, tilting his head.

 

“Well.. nothing I guess”

 

“Thought so”

 

Somehow a silence fell upon them, yet it was surprisingly comfortable. Shouto lets the two accompany him on his run, although with the extra feet it was a speedy walk. Despite being as soft and welcoming as a prickly cactus, Izuku was still content to hang around him. 

 

After Shouto reached the end of the park, he scratched Mr. Purrfect under his chin and parted ways with the two. Not at all put off by Shouto's closed-off behavior, Izuku waved goodbye with promises to keep in touch.

 

It had been a while since anyone had given this much effort to know him. 

 

---

 

Shouto eyed Izuku's surprisingly modern apartment as he relaxed onto the handlebars of his motorcycle, an extra helmet between his arms. He whistled a tune as he waited for Izuku to come down so he could take him out. Earlier that morning Shouto decided, in the spur of the moment, to ask Izuku out for lunch, and surprisingly enough he agreed.

 

"Hey, Shouto ready to g-Woah" Izuku trailed off as he eyed the motorcycle in excitement, "Wow was that a 2003 Harley-Davidson Road King?"

 

Shouto felt satisfaction at Izuku's excitement, knowing bringing his bike instead of a car would warrant an amusing reaction, and motioned at the seat behind him where Izuku would be sitting, "Take the leather jacket out of the dresser and put that and that helmet on".

 

With an impressed whistle, Izuku did as he asked, which Shouto appreciated because he refused to ride with someone who refused to listen to him. He wouldn't risk a person's life by not preparing them as well as he could for the road.

 

The ease in which Izuku pulled on the leather jacket and helmet leaves Shouto impressed and, since Izuku was shorter, the length of the sleeves was much too long but his broad shoulders fit the top perfectly. Izuku stepped on the footrest and swung his left leg over the seat, careful to avoid the exhaust lest he burn his calf.

 

Once Izuku was seated, he spoke so powerfully that the speaker in Shouto's helmet nearly burst out his eardrums, "So where were we going?".

 

"You can lower your voice, the helmets were connected with a microphone and speaker," Shouto answered matter-of-factly, "And it’s a surprise".

 

With a smile, Shouto pushed down on the brake and turned the ignition. Izuku yelped in shock and latched onto Shouto's waist. It made Shouto laugh and suddenly he remembered one last piece of advice for his rider.

 

"Last thing" Shouto continued, "When I turn, lean with the turn towards the ground and not away".

 

"What happens if I don't?" Izuku questioned timidly, voice now a normal volume.

 

"We crash," Shouto revealed nonchalantly as if he hadn't just described their death.

 

"Huh?" Izuku exclaimed in distress.

 

Without offering a response, Shouto took off onto the street.

 

By the time Shouto parked outside the quaint brick building, the sign Victorian and aged, Izuku was deathly silent and his arms were squeezing Shouto's ribs. With a quirk of his lips, Shouto detached Izuku's arms. The slightly trembling man gave Shouto a sheepish grin and drew back before hopping off the seat.

 

When Izuku pulled off the black helmet, Shouto laughed at the sight. His green curls were sticking up in every direction, giving Izuku a severe case of helmet hair. Then, when Shouto followed suit, tugging the helmet off his head, Izuku glared. The dual-colored hair was so stubborn that not a single hair was out of place.

 

"That is so unfair!" Izuku groaned morosely, "I look like I got electrocuted".

 

Shouto shrugged indifferently in response which awarded him a smack to the shoulder. A smile flitted across his face, he appreciated it when people weren't pushovers. 

 

Izuku's eyes flickered over to the building and he tilted his head, "What's that place?".

 

"A library cafe" Shouto acknowledged, already walking towards the door with Izuku in tow.

 

Shouto gave Izuku a moment to stare in wonder at the beautifully designed building before deciding that he was taking too long. 

 

"Come on," Shouto said surely as he tugged impatiently at Izuku's sleeve.

 

Izuku followed the influence willingly and gasped in excitement when a soft cheerful tune played with the opening of the door. It was amusing to Shouto to see the exact reaction he expected.

 

A waitress, Jirou, walked up to Shouto and smiled at him. Her short bob cut had been re-dyed her famous purple and she wore a Led Zeppelin shirt with ripped black jeans and combat boots. 

 

He signed with his hands, " Table for two, Jirou".

 

" Welcome back Shouto. Same table?" Jirou did a double-take as she glanced back at Izuku and inwardly Shouto sighed.

 

He knew he'd never brought anyone to his special place but Jirou didn’t have to seem so astonished.

 

" Of course" He countered evenly. 

 

"You know the way," She said as she smirked softly and gave him permission to seat himself considering how many years he'd visited.

 

When Shouto turned around to translate, he noticed that Izuku had turned his gaze of wonderment into one of tenderness.

 

"What?" Shouto asked, tone a bit less than welcoming, a little sore that Jirou thought of him as some recluse. 

 

"It's rare that I meet someone who knows sign language" Izuku explained "From my days in the Army I lost some of my hearing, it's nice to know that I can speak to you when it happens".

 

The comment almost made Shouto puff up like a proud bird but he just looked away and motioned for Izuku to follow, "So, you were in the military?".

 

"Two years" Izuku responded energetically, likely remembering fond memories, "I actually got back in March, about two months before I met you. It's a bit hard to believe I've known you for three months already".

 

Shouto pulled out a chair for Izuku and sat down across from him. The table was seated in the corner next to the large window visible from the front. On the wooden carton, there was a menu for food, drinks, as well as books.

 

"Time flies by when you're with the most amazing person in existence" Shouto shot back with a sly grin.

 

"Oh you are so right," Izuku said sarcastically, "I am pretty great aren't I?".

 

Shouto flicked a ball of crumpled-up lint from his pocket at Izuku and chuckled, "Whatever you say, Izuku".

 

Once Jirou passed by, Shouto ordered his usual and a book of Jirou's choosing while Izuku chose a green tea with a bagel and "The Hobbit".

 

"Hey Shouto" Izuku started carefully, and Shouto knew by that point he was going to ask a question, "I was just wondering, how are your eyes two colors? I've just never seen it happen before".

 

Shouto stared at Izuku in surprise, people have asked him about it so much that he's memorized his response. There's no reason why Izuku should be so worried about asking him a question.

 

"I was born with heterochromia, which is a mutation of the genes that determine melanin distribution, so one eye received more than the other" Shouto responded in what he hoped was a welcoming way.

 

"Oh!" Izuku exclaimed and he paused for so long that Shouto was worried that he'd weirded out, "Does it affect your lifespan?"

 

That caught Shouto off guard. Nobody else had ever cared enough to ask that. It was always "what's wrong with you?' or "can it be fixed?", it's never been something that concerned his well-being.

 

Jirou passed by with the drinks and books then quietly put them on the table. When Izuku signed the words for thank you, she jerked back then let a large grin overtake her face. 

 

“You’re very welcome” Jirou responded happily before turning away with a skip in her step. 

 

Izuku leaned back to Shouto, who had lost his train of thought, for his response. 

 

"Well no," Shouto said slowly, trying to think of what to say, "It just means that my eyes are dual-colored".

 

Izuku's shoulders seemed to sag in relief and his face brightened, "That's great! I think your eyes are beautiful".

 

"Do you always say what you're thinking?" Shouto stammered, Fuyumi and Ochako were the only people to ever compliment his eyes.

 

"I do when I mean it" Izuku responded easily.

 

Shouto’s cheeks turned pink and he burrowed his face behind the book Jirou placed in front of him moments ago. Izuku just laughed and opened his book as well, picking up his cup as well. There was only a moment of silence before the sound of shattering glass rang out in the quiet room. 

 

“Oh no,” Izuku whispered out. 

 

Shouto whipped his head up in the split second after Izuku’s words to see that the cup in his hand was destroyed on his palm. All Izuku did was stare at his bloody hand dully and look up to Shouto with grief in his eyes. Shouto shot up in his seat, startled, and reached out for Izuku’s hand. 

 

Willingly, Izuku relaxed the back of his hand in Shouto’s palm so he could carefully pick out the pieces of glass and wrap them in a nearby cloth napkin. 

 

“I’m assuming that was involuntary?” Shouto questioned carefully.

 

“Yes,” Izuku said almost tearfully, “I’m so sorry about that Sho. I really didn’t mean to”.

 

“It’s alright, the bleeding will stop soon and I’ll pay Jirou extra for the cup” Shouto returned almost indifferently, “Don’t be upset, nobody is mad at you”.

 

Izuku sniffled but eventually agreed, holding his hand close in an almost childlike manner. Although Shouto was bewildered, he cleaned everything up and left a large tip for Jirou and a note explaining. 

 

They sat in silence for hours flipping through pages. In total, combined, they read a total of four books. Shouto didn’t deem it much until he remembered the font size and was satisfied. Finally, Shouto noticed that the sky was turning a dark stormy gray.

 

"Hey Izuku, we should get going before it rains," Shouto said solemnly, "I don't want to hydroplane on my bike".

 

Izuku raised his head and sulked, "Aw alright".

 

"Don't worry" Shouto said sincerely, "We'll be back"

 

When they left, Izuku signed a thank you to Jirou as he handed her a $30 tip and the woman nearly burst into tears. Shouto felt a bit of pride at the fact that he knew Izuku.

 

By the time they arrived at Izuku's apartment, the rain had started to sprinkle. Shouto was about to take off when Izuku hauled him back.

 

"I need to tell you something," Izuku forced out.

 

A small seed of worry and anxiety sprouted in Shouto's chest but he forced it down, "What's wrong?".

 

Shouto could see the anguish on Izuku's face and he reached out to touch Izuku's shoulder, which caused him to glance at Shouto in surprise, "Izuku, please tell me what happened".

 

"I've been diagnosed with CJD!" The words spilled from Izuku’s lips in a haste and, in a fit of anxiety, his hands spastically trembled along with his body. 

 

"What?" Shouto gasped in incredulity.

 

He knew what it was, and it was deadly. But the fact that Izuku had it tore him apart from the inside out. Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease was so rare he never thought he'd meet someone who suffered from it.

 

Memories from his med-school textbooks fill his mind, Classic CJD is a neurodegenerative disorder ... This disease is rapidly progressive and always fatal ... death is usually within 1 year of onset of illness.

 

The gaps in his memory blurred from shock. He could hardly understand it but it was certainly true that it was much more arduous for Izuku to swallow. He was the one diagnosed with it. Shouto had never felt more hatred for a disease than in that moment. 

 

Izuku was still shaking despite Shouto's palm running up and down his arm comfortingly, "It's a brain disease. I don't know why or how I got it, all I know was that it will gradually destroy my brain cells and kill me. They said that only one in a million people get it and by that point, I stopped listening".

 

There was nothing Shouto could say to reassure his friend. Izuku had spent two years on the front lines of a war wondering if he would expire at the hands of his enemies only to come home and realize the enemy was himself. 

 

The silence was deafening despite the rain coming down harder. Shouto had always been terrible with words and he understood if he said something, it would make Izuku feel worse. At least, that was what he believed would happen. 

 

Shouto noticed water rolling down Izuku’s cheeks but he couldn't tell if it was from the tears or from the rain. When Izuku spoke once more, he understood his answer. 

 

“It’s raining Shouto. I used to love the rain,” Izuku said dejectedly, voice shaking, as he rubbed at his watery eyes. 

 

“Yeah” Shouto acknowledged quietly, “I know”. 

 

Yet the water that fell was as salty as the ocean.

 

---

 

As Shouto tugged his shirt over his head, the phone on his bed began to buzz. When he gazed at the caller ID, Fuyumi’s name popped up. Glancing up at the miniature calendar above the bedside table, Shouto observed that it was the first of June. 

 

With a sigh, he answered the phone, “Hello sister of mine”. 

 

“Hello brother of mine” Fuyumi responded with a laugh, “How did your gig go at Read and Tea?”

 

“It went well enough,” Shouto said tiredly as he dropped down onto the bed. 

 

He’d struggled thirteen hours today in the ICU with four patients, two of which were manically crying for imaginary people. All he wanted to do now was to dry off from his shower, decompress in bed, then stargaze after a quick nap. 

 

“So Sho” Fuyumi started teasingly, “Have you met any nice girls yet?”.

 

Although Shouto knew that his sister wasn’t actually expecting an honest answer, he couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t as if he had anyone other than Ochako to talk about Izuku with, and he found himself wanting to talk about his newfound friend. 

 

“Well, actually there is someone who I met recently,” Shouto said casually as he crossed his legs on the comforter. 

 

There was a bang over the phone and the sound of metal against metal before Fuyumi came back in a wave of excitement. It was certainly expected of her, considering Shouto had never really made a friend on his own, but it didn’t warrant this kind of behavior. 

 

“Oh my god, Shouto!” Fuyumi exclaimed happily, “Have you really met someone? Oh I’m so proud of you! What’s their name? Are they nice? Can I meet the-”. 

 

“Fuyumi!” Shouto groaned in exasperation, a conscious effort to cut off her rant, “Please don’t get too excited”. 

 

Shouto didn’t want to get his sister’s hopes up for the chance that it would go wrong. And his premonitions were never wrong. While he wished that wasn’t true, it came to pass too many times for him to disregard it. His logic was twisted but it served true. 

 

Always have a backup plan.

 

“What?” Fuyumi paused, “Why wouldn’t I get excited for you?”. 

 

That made Shouto stop and think. He’d always been prepared for the worst, never letting himself focus on what may go right. It was just what he’d been taught. If that’s what he believed, others needed to believe it too.

 

“Just... I don’t know. I don’t see it working out” Shouto sighed. 

 

Fuyumi sighed, a habit that ran in the family, “Well Sho, you can still appreciate a relationship regardless of whether or not it will work out or not”. 

 

The silence that Shouto gave was all the response she received and he could practically hear the smile in her voice, “Good luck”. 

 

Then the dial-up noise sounded and the phone screen switched to his call history. Shouto flopped back onto his pillows and turned to look at his recent calls which were clearly all Izuku. Pushing Fuyumi’s advice to the back of his head, Shouto just switched off his phone and shut his eyes. 

 

Can this really work out?

 

---

 

“Hey, S-Shouto?” Izuku wondered aloud quietly, stuttering only slightly, disrupting the silent atmosphere. 

 

The two were sitting together on a wooden bench, still slightly damp from the morning dew, peacefully in the park, watching as the autumn leaves swirled to the ground. Just enjoying each other's company, Shouto relaxed with a book as Izuku sketched the scenery on an ivory-colored sketchpad. The brown and black spotted Egyptian Mau, Mr. Purrfect, rested between the two men and was sleeping peacefully bathed in the golden sunlight. It was not planned that the spoiled feline would tag along today but Izuku was a er for the indignant meows and big eyes.

 

There was an archway of twisting and knotted oak trees that curved elegantly to create a canopy of red, green, and yellow leaves that outline a natural trail. Too early in the day for the park to be overwhelmed by people, only three early risers had jogged past with earbuds in. It had been a rare moment where neither Shouto nor Izuku was swarmed with work and doctor visits, so the two decided to go watch the leaves change. 

 

With a jerk, Izuku's arm shot up. Shouto didn’t flinch and waited for the moment of spasticity to pass.

 

“Hm?” Shouto hummed under his breath, not exactly ready to break the tranquility. 

 

As Izuku hesitated slightly and reached out to rub the underside of Mr. Purrfect’s chin, who tilted his head up, eyes still closed, to allow for more petting access; Shouto took the opportunity to tear his gaze from his book "The Iliad and the Odyssey'' in favor of studying Izuku's face. It was slightly round as if his face had matured but refused to let go of the babyface, and he offhandedly noticed that his cheeks were much more sunken than usual. There was also the faint awareness that the clothes don't fit as well as they used to, so Shouto made a mental note to make sure Izuku was eating later.

 

As usual, Izuku wore his infamous 'short' labeled shirt and a red leather jacket atop of it. When Izuku began to talk again, his lips pursed and Shouto found himself distracted by the ethereal way Izuku looked in the sunlight as he studied the park with wonder. 

 

Izuku tilted his head in confusion and repeated what he asked, "Shouto? D-do you mind if I sing? I used to come to that park with my m-mom and she always loved to sing"

 

Although surprised by the request, Shouto voiced his silent agreement through a nod. It was early enough in the day that Izuku could freely sing without drawing a crowd, something that he was sure to despise. Clearly nervous, Izuku began to tap a soft and steady beat against the paper with his pencil.

 

Izuku's voice held a steady deep timber yet the words he sings betrays a heavy sadness. With a smile on his eyes, Shouto bumped his shoulder against Izuku's and hummed along , "And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree. There will be an answer, let it be"

 

A memory flashed through Shouto's mind and he remembered the story Izuku told on call at 3 am after the man had a nightmare. Izuku held no judgment towards him and sang him to sleep. Later on, when Shouto asked the name of the song, Izuku replied that it was something his mother sang to him when he got scared, “Let It Be”. 

 

It touched Shouto's heart that his friend would share memories so private and in return, he shared with Izuku his guilty pleasure of cooking. Shouto had always found the act embarrassing but that judgment quickly vanished once Izuku begged on his knees, hands clasped, for Shouto to cook for him. The sound of dry leaves rustling through the trees returned Shouto to the present as the wind fluttered the pages of his book. 

 

Looking up, he saw Izuku singing the last few words of the song, and the feeling of nostalgia stabbed at his heart, "Whisper words of wisdom, let it be" . 

 

With a bright smile that erases the somber feeling from earlier, Izuku looked at Shouto and held up his sketchbook. On the paper was an intricately drawn sketch in charcoal pencil and the subject of the drawing was staring off into the distance as veiny leaves swirled in a beautiful pattern around him. Only when Shouto focused closer on the person did he realize that the subject was him. 

 

Happiness and embarrassment bubbled up within him and he sputtered, "Is that me?".

 

“W-who else would it be?” Izuku teased.

 

Shouto gave Izuku an affronted, dull stare as he reached out to plop Mr. Purrfect onto his lap. The cat let out an undignified murp at the swift change in position but it quickly turned to a purr when pets began to come in. 

 

With a sigh, Shouto leaned down to whisper in the cat’s ear, clearly making eye contact with Izuku, "Izuku is mean, I would be a much better owner”. 

 

“Oh was that so?” Izuku tries to stifle his laughter behind a palm as he plays along with Shouto's scheme, “Pray t-tell what made him so horrible?”.

 

Shouto hums in consideration, “Well he abuses me and always forgets to respond to my texts”.

 

“Wha- It was one time!” Izuku cried out, “I said sorry!”. 

 

The bench creaked as Shouto shifted his body to face away from Izuku and towards the end of the bench, hiding the delight on his face as Izuku desperately tried to turn him back. Without budging an inch, Shouto lifted the cat in the air by picking up his furry friend by its tummy so they were facing each other, “Mr. Ratface, did you hear something?”

 

With satisfaction, Shouto could practically hear the exasperation in Izuku’s voice, “D-don’t call him Ratface! He kills t-the mice for me”. 

 

Shouto snickered softly when Mr. Purrfect stared at him unimpressed with dilated green eyes. 

 

With an upturned nose, Shouto held the cat close to his chest and sniffed snottily at Izuku, “I can call him whatever I want, he’s my cat”. 

 

Hardly perturbed from his cat being stolen, Izuku just reached forward to deftly pluck his cat from Shouto's grasp. 

 

Shouto feigned offense when the cat went happily, “That’s theft, Izuku”.

 

With a slightly mischievous grin, Izuku placed the cat around his own neck and moved to interlace his hand with Shouto's over his chest, “If I’m a thief, have I s-stolen your heart yet?”.

 

Only for a second, Shouto sat in stunned silence but then turned his head and gently removed his hand from Izuku’s, “You can have my heart but not my hand please”.

 

Still grinning, Izuku nodded his head understandingly and retracted his hand, “D-does that mean I already have your heart?”. 

 

Shouto smiled lamely, “And here I thought you were smooth, how wrong I was”

 

Feigning offense, Izuku frowned, “Hey I’m smooth!”, His voice trailed off unsurely, “I mean… I’m probably smooth”.

 

A deep laugh rumbled in Izuku’s chest at his own dorkiness and Shouto followed soon after. 

 

“Where’d that confidence go?”, Shouto asked after taking a moment to catch his breath.

 

The laughter died out as Izuku gazed at Shouto’s face with a genuine smile, “I-It’s hard to be confident w-when I’m around someone so amazing”. 

 

Shouto wrinkled his nose and turned his gaze to the pathway, feeling a bit uncomfortable under Izuku’s eyes, “Why are you always so honest?”.

 

“Because you d-deserve it,” Izuku replied fondly before letting a familiar silence befall them once more.

 

They sat together until the sun had risen high in the sky and Shouto had to part from Izuku. Shouto waved goodbye and strolled away with hands in his pockets, feeling satisfied with the events from the morning. 

 

Shouto never did remember to remind Izuku about eating, it just slipped his mind.

 

---

 

"Sho, is the food done yet? I gotta get back to the station in like an hour or so" Uraraka called from the living room couch, man-spreading so casually one would think it was her home.

 

The freeloader on Shouto's couch had shoulder-length silky brown hair pushed back by a pink headband, a small button nose, and her small frame hardly even took up half of the couch when she stretched out. Ochako was hardly taller than Shouto’s shoulder but he's a nice enough guy not to hold it over her head. They regularly meet for dinner every week but at that time Ochako was a bit on a time crunch. That happened a lot when a firefighter and a nurse tried to hang out.

 

Shouto flung a piece of fried chicken at Ochako’s forehead in annoyance but the brunette just lunged forward to snatch it out of the air, not even bothering to glance up from her phone. Sometimes Shouto wants to curse the firefighter's reflexes, it comes to his friend so naturally, it was quite unfair. 

 

"Wouldn’t you like to know?" Shouto responded smoothly.

 

"Alright, love you too" Ochako replied, unperturbed after years of living with the stubborn man.

 

Shouto was prepared to turn around and beat his friend into the 7th dimension of hell because she knew he hated the phrase ‘I love you’, when Izuku's ringtone, specifically chosen by the man himself, of 'Troublemaker', began to ring. With an inconvenienced sigh, Shouto perched his iPhone on the white windowsill above his sink next to the small radio and clicked accept. 

 

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Izuku, it was that Ochako had a disgusting habit of embarrassing Shouto beyond belief. It never failed to work. 

 

Izuku's face pixelated into view and he waves happily, "Sho, you answered pretty fast!"

 

Shouto’s face didn’t change but he felt more affectionate than not, "I’m cooking so the phone was close".

 

From the living room, a crash could be heard as Ochacko slid frantically into the kitchen, "Holy crap who gets to call you Sho? I've been trying to give you a nickname for years candy-cane!"

 

"Please don’t start that again" Shouto nearly begged as he held out another piece of chicken as a peace offering. 

 

"Candy-cane?" Izuku parroted, clearly confused by the odd nickname.

 

"Oh!" Ochako’s eyes lit up in mischievous excitement and she snatched the phone from the windowsill before Shouto could stop her. 

 

Shouto was hoping the peace offering would have worked but he expected this and as soon as Ochako shot out of the kitchen like a firecracker, Shouto was already hot on her heels. As Shouto frantically chased after his troublemaker of a friend, Ochako tried to speak over the commotion.

 

"Well you see, Shouto and I were penpals in grade school and his hair was so famous that- oh shoot!" Ochako ducks as Shouto lobs a decorative pillow at the thief's head, not exactly keen on letting Izuku in on his teenage embarrassments.

 

"Sho come on!" Ochako said as she stands back up an affronted look, hands up in exasperation. 

 

Shouto sighed as Ochako dashed behind the couch, still spewing nonsense, "Well he was so popular in his school that on Valentine's day all the girls got him so much candy. But the thing is, everyone got him candy canes that matched his hair!".

 

"Wait really?!", Izuku laughed gleefully, seemingly ecstatic about this new piece of information.

 

"Oh yeah, he sent all of them to me!" Ochako responded, more than willing to add fuel to the fire.

 

"Alright you two, no more" Shouto marched over in exasperation, a facade, and snatched back his phone with a sigh after Ochako finally relented, "Please don’t tell anyone else".

 

Izuku failed to stifle his laughter in his pillow but nodded obediently, "My lips are sealed!".

 

"Good. I need to finish cooking so you go eat and I’ll call you after" Shouto said, electing to ignore the kissy noises Ochako was making in the background between bites of chicken.

 

Secretly Shouto was relieved that the sole two friends that he had in his life got along well. It wasn’t that he worried about it, it was just a common occurrence for best friends to clash.

 

"Aw alright," Izuku pouted but waved goodbye pointedly at Ochako, "It was nice to meet you uh… what’s your name again? Shouto didn’t say it and I am so sorry!".

 

Ochako took it in stride and came up behind Shouto, "Nah, it's cool! I'm Ochako but you can call me Chako!".

 

"Well then, Chako, it was nice to meet you! I'll be going now" Izuku said with a smile and the screen winked black before returning to Shouto's previous app.

 

Still slightly upset at having his childhood secrets outed, without a word or a glance, Shouto took the nearest pillow and hurled it towards Ochako’s face. The pillow hits her face with a loud thump and the corners of Shouto’s mouth tilted up in happiness as the small woman toppled over from the force. With a squawk, Ochako frowned at him good-naturedly from the couch.

 

"I hope you're not that mean to Zuku" Ochako mumbled as he flopped back onto the black leather, even though Shouto had scolded her many times that shoes can't be on the couch. 

 

"It's Izuku to you, first of all, and also I'm nice to him" Shouto rolled his eyes and sat down heavily onto Ochako’s calves, a punishment for being rude while he was on call.

 

The only response Shouto received was a look of ' really?' plastered on Ochako’s face. That earns the brunette a light shove.

 

"Look Sho" Ochako started, already ducking when Shouto moved to silence her, "We both know you like like him so why don't you say it out loud?".

 

Shouto frowned at the elementary use of having a crush. It'd been years since someone accused of liking someone, a time so far back even he thought he was straight. Which was a complete lie, even his absent mother knew before he did. 

 

"I do not like like him," Shouto said, unamused, "I tolerate him, that's it".

 

"Yeah, sure, and the food wasn't burning" Ochako shot back, a smug look annoyingly written on her face.

 

"The food wasn't bur-" Shouto trailed off as the dry smell of charcoal saturated the room, "Oh no".

 

The conversation was left at that, with Shouto madly dashing to the kitchen, and Ochako’s laughter following as he frantically endeavored to save the charred vegetables. 

 

A clatter sounded as Shouto tossed the ruined aluminum platter in the sink violently. He turned to look at the chicken hopefully as his last resort but the plate was empty and Shouto glowered at his friend, who just looked at him hopefully.

 

"So" Ochako muttered sheepishly, "Take out?"

 

" You ." Shouto lamented as he glared at Ochako who just whistled innocently and looked away.

 

After tossing out the crime scene, they ate take-out, much to Shouto's distaste.

 

---

 

The chilly autumn air blew harder and Shouto wrapped the blanket around him a bit tighter. On the roof, the air was colder so he was dressed warmly, although the chill was light. It was a habit by that point, after many nights of being berated by Fuyumi for it. 

 

Bathed in the light of the moon, Shouto let the stress of the recent weeks wash away. It was always the perfect stress reliever. Not to mention an unjudging therapist. Nobody else could listen like the moon. 

 

While it may seem eccentric to others, the moon would never break Shouto’s confidence. The constellations were held to the same standard but were much more talkative. His favorite constellations to speak to wasOrion and Casseopia; Orion would jump at the option to defend Shouto and Casseopia would be the first to offer calm words of support. 

 

As Shouto studied the familiar lights, Perseus’s glowing constellation caught his eye. In a spark of inspiration, Izuku suddenly filled the constellation’s space. With a smile in his eyes, Shouto huffed out a laugh. 

 

Of course, the hero constellation would remind me of Izuku.

 

Suddenly, a cloud blew across the sky and slowly Perseus’s shining lights were dulled by the gray mist. It was upsetting each time it happened but on most nights the clouds left as quickly as they came. Shouto waited patiently for the clouds to disperse but soon the moon was lowering and the sun was rising. 

 

A new day had come before Perseus’s lights returned. 

 

---

 

Shouta Aizawa - a tall Asian man with long black hair and scruff that scared all the patients into believing he's a gangster - nodded at him, not even bothering to look up from a patient's clipboard, "It's 12:35, be back by two or your dinner breaks will be while you use the restroom for a week".

 

Trying his hardest not to strangle his boss of three years after not letting him have a break for five hours, Shouto tries to breathe slowly through his nose, "Okay".

 

"Okay, Dr. Aizawa" Shouta corrected halfheartedly.

 

Shouto just nodded acceptingly, knowing Shouta only corrected him for the sake of professionalism. Everyone knew that the lead doctor was the last person on Earth who would care about proper status usage. 

 

The doctor frowned at him and smacked Shouto on the back of the head with his clipboard before walking off. Shouto rubbed the back of his head morosely although he should have expected it; Shouta had a reputation for it. 

 

There was no point in even trying to reach the cafeteria in time before they close it for the night so Shouto just slides down against the wall to pull out his container of food he made last night. It was cold and slightly soggy but, that late at night, Shouto's taste buds were no longer on the clock.

 

After five minutes of silence, Shouto's phone began to ring. Picking it up, he saw that it was a random number and, despite his reluctance to answer, he realized that it could be an emergency. The phone rang twice before a woman's voice answered.

 

"Hello?" The woman asked unsurely, "Is this Shouto Todoroki?"

 

"Depends on who you are" Shouto responded evasively. 

 

" Oh!" The woman exclaimed, "Silly me, where were my manners? I'm Izuku's mother, Inko, he asked me to call".

 

At Izuku's name, Shouto perked up, "Izuku? Is he okay?".

 

"Well, I think it'd be better if I put him on the phone," Inko responded with a laugh.

 

There was the sound of shuffling and muffled speech before Izuku answered the phone.

 

"H-hey Sho" A raspy voice sounded over the speaker

 

"Hey Izuku," Shouto said, his worry ebbing away now that Izuku was talking, "What happened? Is everything alright? Do I need to come over?". 

 

"Oh.." Izuku trailed off timidly, " I g-got admitted into the h-hospital?".

 

“Stay there, I’m coming over” Shouto commanded, voice betraying his worry.

 

“F-for one, I can’t walk without ... looking like I broke my leg so I’m not g-going anywhere,” Izuku said dismally, “T-two, I know you're working a night shift r-right now so don’t even try to get out … of that. Also you d-don't even know what hospital I'm at!".

 

He couldn’t care less about his job right now. It was clear why Izuku was in there, the disease had gotten worse. Exactly why, he’s not sure but it was bound to happen sooner or later. Each time they met up Izuku would have trouble walking, speaking, and Shouto knew that he hated how people stared at him when he had a spastic moment. 

 

Honestly, Shouto reasoned that Izuku should have been in the hospital the moment he was diagnosed but apparently the man had refused. It made him upset but ultimately he said nothing because it was Izuku’s decision.

 

Shouto hated how it made it seem more real like Izuku could be stolen away at any moment.

 

"Well, where are you at then?" Shouto asked in exasperation.

 

Somehow Shouto could tell that Izuku was smiling, despite the fact he wasn't speaking. He didn't know why that annoys him but it did. Izuku should definitely be more worried. 

 

"I'll message you the hospital after your shift" Izuku responded mildly, unperturbed by Shouto's rudeness, "You can visit in the morning, okay?".

 

With a sigh, Shouto slid back down onto the floor, adrenaline draining from his body, "Alright fine, but until then you're going to keep me updated".

 

"Sounds like a deal" Izuku laughed cheerfully.

 

It was confusing how Izuku could seem so happy when Shouto knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was falling apart. Shouto was a closed-off man but he still wants to be the rock Izuku could rely on. They were friends, not too close yet, but close enough that it stung.

 

For a moment Shouto questioned the trust Izuku had in him then realized that maybe Izuku could act so carefree because he wants to die .

 

---

 

Shouto made it his mission to visit Izuku whenever his rigid schedule allowed it. Each time he came, he brought Izuku a different plant and a story behind it after Izuku complained about the medicinal and boring feel of his room. Now five flowers lined the windowsill and since he met Inko last time, she began to bring little succulents as well. 

 

They had thirty minutes left together before visiting hours ran out and Shouto was running out of ideas. The room was tranquil save for the beeping of the monitor and the buzzing of the air conditioner. In a last-ditch effort to preserve the small amount of time left, Shouto scrolled to the radio station on his phone and put it on speaker. 

 

Izuku, startled, peered up at Shouto in confusion as “O’Children” began to play softly. It was a song that Fuyumi had played whenever she was cooking and was always playing on 86.5 thankfully. 

 

“Would you care for a dance?” Shouto asked woodenly, cheeks red and hand outstretched, as he bowed awkwardly. 

 

“I thought you’d never ask” Izuku responded giddily. 

 

It only took Izuku a second to take Shouto's hand with a laugh. The sound made Shouto laugh along with him and he helped drag Izuku to his feet, careful not to let him slip despite the hospital-grade non-slip socks. 

 

Izuku settled his hand on Shouto's shoulder grudgingly, a bit sour that he was impersonating the female’s role in the dance, but nonetheless openly giddy about being up and moving. It had clearly been a while since Izuku had a fair amount of exercise, which Shouto could see from the abundance of times that Izuku stepped on his toes. But it didn't matter because Shouto was an Izuku pleaser and Izuku was smiling.

 

The two made eye contact as the chorus began and, for no other reason than to counteract the embarrassment, they laughed noisily. As the music grew a little louder and Shouto's favorite part came on, they quieted down.

 

Hey little train we’re jumping on, the train that goes to the kingdom

 

A soft sigh escaped Izuku as he relaxed his head on Shouto's shoulder and a small sense of contentment warmed Shouto's heart. It was a pleasant sensation to have another person lie against him so casually. As Shouto swayed Izuku softly to the music, the sunset from outside the window decorated the room with a golden hue. 

 

We're happy, Ma, we're having fun

 

“Y-you’re surprisingly soft, Sho,” Izuku spoke quietly to not overthrow the rare moment of peace. 

 

“Nobody will believe you,” Shouto said simply but his words lacked truth. 

 

Hey, little train, wait for me!

 

Izuku tweaked Shouto's side in retaliation and he deftly dodged the offending fingers. But no matter how severely he wanted revenge, Shouto shoved away his mischievous thoughts. It was a precious moment and Shouto didn't desire to ruin it.

 

Is that such a stretch of the imagination?

 

They danced for a few seconds longer but soon he noticed Izuku stumbling and began to lead him to the bed.

 

With an apologetic look, Izuku sat down on the bed with an oomph, “Sorry, I’m a little tired”. 

 

I'm hanging in there, don't you see?

 

The song was still playing but Shouto just helped Izuku back into bed without resentment. It was about time for him to leave anyways and, despite his dance being cut short, he wasn't too sore about it. As long as Shouto could make Izuku smile, it would be enough. 

 

Hey little train, we were all jumping on

 

A nurse popped his head in the door with an apologetic smile, “Sorry Mr. Todoroki, visiting hours are over so I’ll have to ask you to wrap up”.

 

The train that goes to the Kingdom

 

“I’ll be out of there in a second,” Shouto replied unresentful. 

 

We're happy, Ma, we're having fun

 

Izuku stretched out to pull Shouto into a gentle hug. Since it had been years since he’d accepted one from somebody other than Ochako, all he could do was stand there in shock. 

 

And the train ain't even left the station

 

“It’s like hugging a statue,” Izuku chuckled before pulling away. 

 

“I’m sorry” Shouto stammered in distress as his face turned pink, absent-mindedly noticing that the radio had switched to another unfamiliar song.

 

Izuku just grinned mischievously at Shouto's suffering, "How about next time we dance in the rain?" 

 

“We'll see,” Shouto answered with a soft smile that promised Izuku his dance despite his words. 

 

---

 

Shouto relaxed in the surprisingly comfortable hospital chair as Izuku hummed happily in his bed. The curtains were drawn back so golden sunlight flooded into the dull room. Plants, both real and fake, that Shouto had gifted dotted the windowsill and bedside table to give the stark white room a less medicinal environment. 

 

Shouto gave a pitiful attempt to initiate small talk at the beginning of his visit but readily crumbled when Izuku’s eyes began to droop and his voice grew indolent. But, after a small nap, he was wide awake and attempting speech. 

 

Now Izuku was sitting with his most recent addition to his personal garden, an elegant blossoming yellow bouquet of tulips that Inko had just brought. When Izuku whispered to Shouto childishly that snowdrops were his preferred flowers, Shouto just smiled because he knew Izuku loved anything people gifted him. But, regardless, he made a mental note.

 

Snowdrops? I wonder what those look like

 

Many hours had passed since Inko had visited her son and yet Izuku was still giving him a confused grin with a flurry of questions on his pale lips, “S-Sho! Do you know when my mom is.. going to come?”. 

 

Since he was admitted into the hospital, Izuku’s memory had gradually been growing worse. Now he was at the point where he couldn't retain any events that had occurred in the past few hours, with a few exceptions. 

 

Grief seized his heart as he acknowledged Izuku’s question for the fifth time, knowing that a white lie would be worth it to let Izuku experience a few moments of happiness. 

 

“She’ll be there soon”, Shouto replied hesitantly. 

 

Shouto felt derelict for misleading his friend but Izuku wouldn't remember his response anyway. 

 

The smile upon Izuku’s face intensified even further and the still dazzling emerald green eyes directed their gaze out the window to study the shining skies. Those eyes, in the recent days, had sunken in even further and grew a feeble ghostly shade. With an unsteady breath, Shouto moved to hold Izuku’s fragile hand and as he took it in his, he discovered how frigid Izuku’s skin was. 

 

In a moment of vulnerability that he would later berate himself for, Shouto cupped the man’s hand in his palm to conserve the Izuku's warmth and let worry squirm into his heart. If Shouto didn't do that, he dreaded his friend would wither away. In the beginning, Izuku’s hands were almost the same size as Shouto's; now the bones were extruding from the skin and the meat of his hand had diminished drastically.

 

With a gasp, Izuku took his hand out of Shouto's grasp and slowly reached up to cup his cheek as a form of comfort when his face twisted in sadness. 

 

Visible guilt flitted across Izuku’s face but he quickly shed it with a soft grin, “Smile Shotou! I-it’s raining”.

 

And with that phrase, Shouto bit back the tears and dried his eyes as he blundered over an excuse, “Sorry Izuku, I'm just upset about the shift change at work”. 

 

The smile on Izuku’s face dimmed, Shouto knew he wasn't stupid enough to buy his sorry excuse for a lie, but the kindness in his voice remained, “T-that’s alright. We can just.. look at the rain”.

 

Unable to deny his friend, Shouto nodded in approval and watched Izuku lean back to watch the scenery in excitement. There was a shine of animation in those green eyes that Shouto loved so much; a shine that was hardly ever-present in the man anymore. Too much had been taken from Izuku and yet, despite the shocking state he was in, he was adamant about putting up a facade to conceal his depression. That frail hand squeezed Shouto's lovingly and the tears threatened to fall. Desperate not to wreck the rare moment of serenity, he wiped away any remnants of tears.

 

Under his breath, with childlike wonder, Izuku murmured, “The rain is so pretty, I wish .. we could go outside t-together”.

 

The broken grin on Shouto's face plummeted as Izuku closed his eyes in bliss, "Yes, it's beautiful". 

 

At that moment, not a single cloud could be recognized against the bright cerulean sky.

 

---

 

A car honked at him furiously as Shouto veered between lanes and narrowly evaded a speeding mustang. He couldn't bring himself to consider his own safety when he was worrying that much about another's. 

 

Inko had called him an hour ago in hysterics, not knowing who to turn to for comfort. Apparently, Izuku had fainted attempting to get to the bathroom obstinately by himself and a nurse had found him lying on the floor next to the door. Shouto called every coworker he knew in a panic and virtually begged each of them to take over his night shift, despite the strike to his self-sufficiency. 

 

Thankfully Denki accepted happily as he spewed out how much he admired him. After indulging the kid for a few moments, Shouto hung up and snatched his keys from the table. In his hurry, he almost forgot to put on his leather and helmet, a vital part of being a motorcycle rider. He swerved between cars at ten above the speed limit in a frenzied struggle to get to the hospital quicker.

 

When Shouto finally arrived and hurriedly parked his motorcycle, stealing someone’s parking spot, a woman angrily gestured at him. He just flipped her off in return. All that he could think of was Izuku; whether or not Izuku was okay, if he was going to be too late, or if something would happen. He didn't have the leisure to worry about being polite to a stranger. 

 

The sliding doors were scarcely fast enough for Shouto but he slipped past and cut through the short line to the entrance desk. Out of pity and empathy for his situation, the nurse handed him a guest pass and Shouto bolted to the stairs, knowing the elevators were infamously sluggish. 

 

By the time Shouto had flown up the five flights of stairs, his lungs were straining for air but he kept running up the last flight. Finally, he burst through the doors, gaining nasty looks from multiple nurses, and skidded to a stop next to Inko who was four doors down. 

 

Shouto settled next to the sobbing woman and laid a clumsy hand on her shoulder, hardly even acknowledging how out of breath he was. 

 

“What happened .. to Izuku, was .. he okay?” Shouto forced out between deep inhales. 

 

With pity in his eyes, the doctor directed his gaze at Shouto sorrowfully and rage boiled in him, a rare emotion; pity was for the weak, and Shouto was anything but weak. 

 

His voice turned vicious, “Just tell me, is he okay?”

 

Despite the sharpness in Shouto's tone, the doctor’s sympathetic and condoling eyes did not falter, “I’m so sorry sir, but Izuku’s MRI results have shown multiple parenchymal hyperintensities in both cerebral hemispheres. At this point in time, there’s not much we can do. He has a few weeks to live at most”. 

 

The words were a massive blow to the abdomen and Shouto's first action was to discredit the doctor, “No, he’s fine”. 

 

“I’m sorry si-” Shouto cut off the doctor, unable to take hearing those words again. Never in his life had he felt so helpless… so angry, “No! He’s going to be okay!”. 

 

Despite the doctor’s best efforts to calm him, Shouto couldn't help but feel pure anger. At the doctor, at the situation, and mostly at himself. There was nothing in that situation that he could control, that he could fix. Shouto became a nurse to help people, to prove that he was worth more than just someone to take over the family business and yet, even when he was in a position to help those who were sick, he couldn't even save the one person he needed to. 

 

Shouto looked up for comfort only to find Inko crying into a handkerchief and abruptly remembered that she was going to lose a child. He was only losing a friend. 

 

What Shouto was feeling couldn’t compare to what the mother was suffering. It set off a bomb in him and, in a fit of anger, Shouto reached out and struck the wall hard enough to leave a void. 

 

Horror and regret filled him as memories of his father played in his head. Without an apology, Shouto pulled out his wallet and handed the doctor enough cash to pay for all of the damages and then some. Tears were pricking at his eyes but he refused to cry in front of the man that condemned Izuku to death. 

 

Shouto’s heart ached, his eyes burned, his throat stung, and his chest felt heavy. He didn't want to believe it, he refused to believe it, but he understood that it was true. Yet Shouto continued to deny it. 

 

“It’s not true.. He’s okay. He’s okay. He’s okay-” 

 

The unrelenting hand against his cheek slapped him out of his trance.

 

Stumbling backward, Shouto reached up to touch his cheek in confusion. When he gazed up, Inko was staring at him with so many emotions flashing across her gaze that Shouto couldn't pick it apart even if he tried. The only emotion he could see was regret for laying her hand on Shouto.

 

The ringing cleared from his ears as Inko sobbed out, “He’s going to die Shouto!”. 

 

“No… no no no” Shouto muttered dejectedly, “He’s not”. 

 

It hurt to breathe and his will to stand faltered as Inko roared at him with such raw emotion that the doctor backed away respectfully, “Izuku is going to die! We can’t change that, no matter how much we want to be able to! Don’t you understand? I’m his mother! I have nobody else! But we have to understand, it’s not something we can control!”.

 

The words hit Shouto harder than Inko’s palm had and the world blurred from his vision. All Shouto could see was the painted image of death and realization. It made so much sense but it was much harder to believe. Shouto felt Inko’s gentle hand on his shoulder and the tears came harder. 

 

Then Inko spoke with such broken softness that all Shouto could do was crumble, “It’ll be okay Shouto”. 

 

When Shouto looked up into Inko’s eyes to see the same pain reflected in himself, his heart throbbed with grief he’d never experienced before. They needed each other right now.

 

Brought together by the one thing that would break their hearts, Shouto reached out his arms and Inko dropped into them with a sob and words that neither of them believed, “It’ll be okay… I promise ”. 

 

---

 

The sunlight from the window was slowly fading and the room grew darker with it. Shouto hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights in the bathroom. Under the freezing water, Shouto sat with his head resting on his knees. It was the only method he had to calm himself down without seeming like a coward. 

 

After five minutes he was shivering and the events from the hospital had transferred t0 the back of his mind. It was a hard pill to swallow and he had yet to choke it down. The more Shouto thought of it the more he felt like falling apart. 

 

Shouto didn’t want to cry, it made him weak, so the water helped mask his tears. It seemed that there was everything to cry about, but still, he wouldn’t let himself. 

 

“Sho?” A soft, familiar voice sounded out from his living room, “Where are you?”.

 

Not bothering to respond to Ochako, knowing she’d find him soon enough, Shouto just twisted his head to face the wall. The sound of slow footsteps echoed throughout the house and he waited for the inevitable moment where she discovered the open door. 

 

“Oh my god, Shouto!” Ochako exclaimed in distress, “Why are you in the shower with your clothes on?”.

 

When Ochako rushed over to shut off the water, she recoiled after feeling the freezing temperature. A worried look was thrown his way as he slowly reached out to stop her movements. If the freezing water wasn’t enough to distract him from his thoughts then what would happen if it were gone?

 

“Leave it on,” Shouto commanded quietly. 

 

“What? Why?” Ochako asked in confusion, “You must be freezing!”.

 

A sigh escaped him as his friend reached out to lay the back of her palm on his forehead. Ochako gasped and hurriedly shut off the water with her other hand after feeling his temperature, despite his wishes. 

 

When she moved away to grab a towel, Shouto reached forward sluggishly and switched the water back on. Once Ochako returned she grimaced in dissatisfaction and knelt beside him. 

 

“Shouto” She started gently as if speaking to a child, “Tell me what’s wrong. You’ll get a cold sitting here like this”. 

 

“It’s nothing,” Shouto answered dully, thankful that any stray tears were hidden by the water, “It shouldn’t matter”.

 

“It may mean nothing to someone else, but it matters to you. And that's something to me” Ochako said firmly before turning the water to something warmer. 

 

With a downcast look, Shouto turned to his friend, and his face scrunched up, “Ochako, he’s going to die”. 

 

It physically pained him to force out those words. Shouto was never one for leaning on others for support but Ochako was here, and he was a mess. He would never say it aloud, but he needed someone there. 

 

The woman nearly slipped at the sound of her name, Shouto rarely used it, but quickly recovered, “Who is Sho?”.

 

“Izuku” Shouto’s voice wavered as he tipped his head back to avoid the heavy water flow, “He has CJD”.

 

You shouldn’t have told her, stupid. 

 

With a gasp, Ochako covered with her hand, and silently her eyes began to tear up. Although she probably had no clue what the disease was, she likely knew that it was dangerous. The water continued to pour steadily onto Shouto’s chest and he just rotated his head to escape witnessing Ochako’s expression. He could barely handle his own emotions; he would break if he saw his friend falling apart as well. 

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Ochako said tearfully. 

 

Shouto sighed miserably, tears noiselessly falling down his face unnoticed, “Why would you be sorry? You didn’t give it to him”.

 

“It’s not about that. It’s about how you’re suffering”

 

“That doesn’t matter”

 

“It does!” Ochako blurted angrily, “I’m here because it matters to me that you’re hurt by this! You’re my best friend and I’m not going to leave just because you don’t think you need help”.

 

“Damn it Ochako! If I let myself fall apart now then I won’t be able to put myself back together!” Shouto cried out spitefully. 

 

There was a moment of silence before Ochako took a sharp inhale. Nothing in Shouto could bring him to face his friend. Never in his life had he cursed at her or yelled at her or anything of that sort. Guilt-ridden and empty, Shouto lowered his forehead to his knees. 

 

“I know Sho, and it’s okay”, Ochako said tenderly, “I’ll help put you back together”.

 

Right now Shouto couldn’t handle the charity. With one more kind action, he would fall apart in front of her. Something he desperately wished would never happen.

 

Please don’t. I won’t be able to handle it. 

 

“Shouto, can I hug you?” Ochako asked softly, despite already knowing his answer. 

 

Without a single word, Shouto nodded his head. Ochako wasted no time in wrapping him in a hug, despite the water that soaked her clothes. As she ran a comforting hand through Shouto’s hair, the tears that had been silently falling now came in laborious heaves. A sob tore its way out of his throat and wracked his body. 

 

“It’s okay hun” Ochako murmured soothingly, “You’ll be okay”. 

 

And with those words, Shouto fell apart in her arms. She was warm and comforting and almost everything he needed at that moment. There had never been a moment in his life where he allowed himself to break down so freely in front of another. In a sense, it was liberating. 

 

The water had turned cold again since Ochako had last changed the temperature and he began to shiver. After spending so long under the frigid water, Shouto could sense the oncoming cold. Ochako wrapped her arms tighter around him and rested her cheek on Shouto’s head. The tears flowed hot and fast as he wailed. 

 

“Why Ochako? Why did I have to meet him?” He cried out sorrowfully, shoulders trembling. 

 

“Because he'd mean something to you”

 

---

 

It had been two full months since Izuku was admitted into the hospital and his healthy appearance was visibly declining. No longer did his bones bear the strength and muscles that he carried the day Shouto met him. 

 

It terrified Shouto to visit the hospital sometimes. Although Izuku needed his help to combat the overwhelming depression, it was hard to see him wither away. The hospital gowns hung against his small frame largely and Shouto wished that the size difference between them wasn’t so visible. It made Izuku seem so… sick. 

 

Although nothing could convince Shouto that Izuku wasn't okay, it was hard to keep the sadness that overwhelmed him daily at bay while seeing him so fragile. The late nights he suffered calling Izuku just to hear him breathe unsteadily over the speaker were so frequent that Shouto found he couldn't sleep without it. 

 

It was the steady beeping of Izuku's heart monitor that calmed his nerves. Recently he learned that Izuku couldn't rest without it either. 

 

Because Izuku often found it too tiring to bathe himself, he now had a daily routine where a nurse sponge bathed him. Shouto was furious when he found out, knowing how much Izuku despised strangers touching him despite Izuku's fervent denial. 

 

So, when he arrived, Shouto shot a curt hello at the nurse and promptly kicked her out of the room. Although Izuku berated him for being mean, Shouto saw the humor twinkling in his eyes.

 

As Shouto gently took the wet sponge, trailing it up and down Izuku's arm, he hummed a melody. Green eyes lighting up in recognition, Izuku sounds his approval with a small noise. Shouto chuckled softly and gave a small smile as he dipped the yellow sponge in the soapy water and then wrung it out once more.

 

While any other person wouldn't have been allowed to act as Shouto had; being a renowned nurse had privileges. With Izuku's consent, he'd been allowed to take over the nurse's job of a sponge bath. If Izuku had qualms with it, neither did Shouto. 

 

“So the doctor told me you haven’t been eating,” Shouto mentioned indifferently just as the silence became a bit too unbearable. 

 

Izuku groaned in exasperation and rolled his eyes. 

 

“It .. made me n-nauseous,” He slurred out. 

 

A lie, you just won’t eat. 

 

“Izuku!” He reprimanded, “I know it made you nauseous but you need all the nutrients you can get! If you aren’t hungry then ask for an iv, don’t just refuse food”. 

 

It was imperceptibly worrying how little Izuku regarded himself without Shouto to convince him otherwise. Unless Izuku suddenly had an existential breakthrough, he'd only get worse. That was the part that struck a chord with Shouto the most. 

 

Without speaking, Izuku mimicked Shouto teasingly with a stuck-out tongue. It was easy to tell that Izuku was desperate for a change of pace from the serious medical examinations and the stark white walls that seem to close in on everyone. Although Shouto knew he had to help Izuku get better mentally, it wasn’t what he needed right now.

 

Eyes widening and a pridefully competitive spirit emerging, Shouto tried to smile, “Okay, if that’s how you want to be”. 

 

With a playful laugh, Shouto tauntingly reached for Izuku’s face with the sponge as the man tried to squirm away. Shouto truly wasn't intending to shove the sponge in the green hair but when Izuku accidentally spazzed and headbutted his forearm, his hand reflexively dropped the sponge in Izuku’s hair. After checking to see if he was okay, the two looked at each other for a moment then burst out into childish laughter. 

 

Shouto couldn't help but feel relief at the childish display. The last time he visited, Izuku didn't seem like he was up to horsing around as they were now. It didn’t matter that his pride stung playing around where anyone could see, but if it made Izuku smile it would be enough.

 

A knock on the door stole Shouto's attention and they both froze in place, a soapy sponge still in curly hair and Izuku’s head resting on Shouto's arm. With an amused smile, Inko poked her head into the room cautiously before walking up to the edge of the bed.

 

Shouto coughed in embarrassment and the two pulled back as he nodded his hello at Izuku's mother, "Hello Midoriya-san". 

 

The short woman had clearly lost a bit of weight from stress and a few gray hairs had fallen out from her untidy bun. Although she'd lost a few pounds, there had been no effort to purchase new clothes. It was likely a conscious effort to save money for Izuku.

 

"Hello Shouto, I see you’re… giving Izuku a sponge bath?" She replied in affectionate confusion as she gently squeezed Izuku's calf as a hello. 

 

“You’re not getting out of my lecture,” The heterochromatic said shrewdly under his breath as he lifted Izuku's arm carefully to wash the side of his chest where the ribs protruded, "Yes, Izuku doesn’t like strangers touching him so I offered to do it for the nurse. She seemed quite rude". 

 

Also a lie, Izuku can get away with anything. 

 

Since the day of his collapse, Izuku had found it hard to speak but he managed to force out a disapproving noise, "S-she's nice, Sho". 

 

Shouto just rolled his eyes and began to scrub his shoulders with vigor, wiping away the stray bubbles that began to slide down. The atmosphere in the room was tense, but only to him. It made him uncomfortable knowing that the mother of the person he was helping could criticize every action. 

 

A spark of understanding lights up in Inko's eyes and she smiled, "I see. My baby seems to be in good hands so I'll come back after lunch". 

 

"Oh," Shouto glanced up and motioned for her to sit in the free chair with an awkward nod of his head, "You're more than welcome to stay". 

 

The sound of heels echoed in the small room as Inko walked forward to take Izuku's hand, squeezing it three times, ignoring Shouto's offer, "Hey baby, I love you. You don’t have to say anything so don’t strain your voice, that was just fine”. 

 

“This?” Shouto repeated in confusion, never enjoying when he got left out. 

 

With a smile, Inko glanced up, “Well when Izu here was a toddler in the big city of New York, he’d often get so anxious around crowds that, in order to calm down, he’d have to hear the words ‘I Love You’ so I taught him that squeezing or tapping my hand three times would mean the same thing”. 

 

“Oh I see,” Shouto said quietly, and a slight pang of jealousy shot through his heart at the small glimpse of a happy childhood filled with loving memories but Shouto forced out a smile, “Cute”. 

 

Eyes softening, the mother seemed to recognize Shouto's true emotions as she straightened up and walked around the bed to stand beside him, "Shouto, thank you for taking care of him and, as his mother, I'm entrusting him to you". 

 

Her words stunned Shouto into silence and he didn't even have time to react as Inko leans forward to kiss the top of his hair. Never in his life had someone so sincerely entrusted him with someone so important. It made his heart swell with pride. With a smile, Inko pulled back and walked out of the brightly lit room with less tension in her shoulders than she walked in with. 

 

Izuku gave a small grumble and rolled his eyes, doing his best to slur out a few words, “Get .. to work”.

 

Shouto jerks out of his stupor and flicks a tiny clump of bubbles onto Izuku's cheek, "Oh my apologies, your highness . Was I taking too long?".

 

Eyes twinkling with mirth, Izuku stuck out his tongue once more before smiling, clearly having reached his limit on speaking. 

 

Shouto scoffed and picked the sponge back up, "What a demanding patient". 

 

A comfortable silence fell upon the room and Izuku closed his eyes.

 

“I’ll ask the doctor for an IV for you before I leave,” Shouto stated firmly, not allowing for any backtalk and his shoulders slump in relief when Izuku just rolls his eyes in passive agreement. 

 

Another silence fell upon the room but it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. 

 

Hesitantly, Shouto took Izuku's hand and rested his forehead there gently, "You know I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t want to be, right?".

 

Izuku's features softened as he turned his hand so Shouto's face was in his palm and gently swiped his thumb across his forehead, smoothing the worry lines of his brow. Although his touch was soft and unsure, the effort meant the world to Shouto.

 

Shouto waited for his answer but he realized that the knowledge was already within him. His eyebrows furrow at the stab of pain that jolts his heart because the truth was clear. Izuku didn't believe him. 

 

It hurt slightly because “ Why doesn’t he believe me?” . 

 

There was the lingering doubt in his heart that Izuku didn't truly care for him but Shouto can’t find it in him to voice his selfish worries when Izuku was here bedridden. 

 

Although it stung, the reason was clear. Insecurity could tear down a person faster than termites in wood.

 

Slowly, Izuku shakily breathed out, "I… know".

 

The lie hung in the air even as the sponge dried out. 

 

---

 

A shout tore itself from Shouto's throat and a sheen of sweat lined the back of his neck as he jolted awake. Yet another nightmare that had stolen a good night's rest. When would his mind allow him to escape the horrors his father had inflicted upon him as a child?

 

When Shouto glanced up at the clock he noticed that it was three in the morning, an hour longer than he had slept than yesterday. 

 

“Great” , He thought irritability, “ Another sleepless night ”. 

 

Shouto swung his legs off the edge of the bed and resigned himself to his insomniatic fate. A half-empty bottle of an unspecified alcohol sat beside him on the bedside table and Shouto took a swig with a grimace. The amber liquid was lukewarm and sent a familiar burn down his throat.

 

With a sigh, Shouto picked up his phone and began to scroll through posts he didn’t care about; only pausing to drink.

 

His actions hit him and Shouto snorts aloud almost maniacally, "Some nurse I am".

 

Although Shouto wanted to go outside and observe the stars, it was much too cold out. Only when Izuku's ringtone broke through the silence did Shouto stop the large gulps of alcohol to glance at his phone, breaking through the apathetic haze. Shouto saw that it was a facetime call on messenger and answered reluctantly.

 

"Hey Izuku, was everything okay?" Shouto asked quietly, rubbing his eyes in exasperation about the lack of sleep.

 

Izuku waved and smiled but the first visible sight Shouto noticed was his gaunt and sunken eyes. It was clear that neither of them had been sleeping for a long time.

 

"I'm o-ok… saw you w-were online" Izuku responded in a stutter.

 

Another lie, just tell me what’s wrong...

 

Shouto smiled at Izuku but the light didn't reach his eyes, "Normally am, you can call any time".

 

Before Izuku could thank him or respond, he was forced to turn his head as he clutched at his chest, coughing loudly. There was a long moment where Shouto had to sit and listen to Izuku wheeze over the phone. A series of coughs rattled Izuku's lungs and the heart monitor spiked. 

 

Shouto leaned forward and reached out mindlessly for his keys, "I'll be there in 20 minutes, call a nurse".

 

The coughing fit slowed and Izuku waved away his concern with a dismissive hand, "L-like hell I'm… dying t-tonight".

 

"But you could," Shouto said unwaveringly as he pulled a shirt over his pale shoulders, "If you don't get a nurse I'm coming".

 

"Please d-don't" Izuku took a second to inhale shakily, "J-just stay on call… please". 

 

Shouto paused his actions and took a moment to think it over. Realizing that if he hung up now, there was a possibility that he could miss Izuku’s last few moments. His heart softened and he sat back down onto the white bedsheet heavily. 

 

"Fine, but if it happens again you have to get a nurse. No questions asked" 

 

"N-no questions .. asked," Izuku echoed aimlessly. 

 

They sat in silence, each appreciating each other's company. Sometimes the nights were too loud for one person. Shouto knew that well and, out of empathy and understanding, he let Izuku lean on him during those hard times.

 

“Did you know that my father abused me?” Shouto said quietly, almost surprising himself. 

 

“... W-what?” Izuku asked in shock, both surprised by the random conversation starter and the subject of such. 

 

“I never knew how to care for people. He taught me that people were stepping stones to reach your goals and my sister never taught me otherwise” Shouto continued, “That's what I believed for the longest time”. 

 

“W-why are you… t-telling me this?” Izuku questioned timidly. 

 

“Because you taught me how to care for others, and I wanted to thank you for that”.

 

When Shouto glanced back at the phone to check on his friend, he realized that Izuku had begun to cry silently, "Izuku?"

 

Izuku quieted his sniffles and rubbed at his nose, "Ah, s-sorry! It's n-nothing..., I’m glad I c-could be that p-person .. for you".

 

"Well," Shouto said with a pause, trying to find the words to say, "It may mean nothing to someone else, but it means everything to you. And that's something".

 

What Shouto said startled Izuku into silence enough that the man was embarrassed by his words. His embarrassment quickly died away once Izuku let the tears fall again.

 

"G-god Shouto, … it’s so unfair" Izuku sobbed, the heartache in his voice painfully audible, "W-why did it h-have to be me? I was … going to help s-so many people".

 

With each sentence, it became harder for Izuku to speak and Shouto could sense the incoming breakdown. The phone was shaking so hard that Izuku was barely visible through the digitized blur. It was likely that he didn't even realize he's having a spastic fit.

 

"I don't know why it was you, it just was. Life didn't pick and choose who to make suffer, it's random" Shouto said softly, hoping that his awkward words could be of some comfort. 

 

It was clearly the wrong thing to say as the sadness on Izuku's face morphs into a pure fury that was so disturbing that Shouto flinched. Logically he knew that Izuku was upset with the answer and not him, but it was still unnerving and slightly hurtful. 

 

Izuku glared out the window onto the moonlit parking lot, blinking back tears as his voice trembled and his lungs rattle, "What's .. t-the point of living .. if I'm just .. waiting t-to die?". 

 

It seemed impossible to search for the words that could answer the million-dollar question. The words died on Shouto's tongue and he wished for nothing more than to give Izuku the comfort he deserved but what could he do? He's one man and the problems Izuku was facing were an army. 

 

"Do you remember when I took you to that cafe?” Shouto asked bleakly, knowing already that the answer was weak.

 

Izuku shot him a withering gaze, “O-of … course”.

 

“It’s m-my … favorite memory” He added after pausing to cough, shivering from the effects of pneumonia. 

 

It'd only been a few days since another sickness had struck Izuku and he had no clue how to help. There were constant coughing fits and even now Izuku's voice was raspy and uneven. 

 

Shouto’s heart constricted, in pain or happiness, he didn’t know, “There’s your answer. It’s the memories”

 

There was visible disbelief and slight anger written across Izuku’s face but Shouto could tell that that frustration wasn't directed towards him, “That’s .. b-bull”. 

 

"Yeah, I know" Shouto sighed, absentmindedly noticing the frequency of which he did so, "It is bull but what other reason is there? Life's an and I can't give you what you need because it will never be the answer you want".

 

With that, Izuku let out a curt laugh, "I… could've t-told you that".

 

"You're still alive and kicking enough to wound my pride," Shouto said with an affectionate roll of his eyes, "Look I know your time left isn't ideal but… it's still your life".

 

Although Izuku wasn't looking at him, Shouto could tell that he was listening aptly. Something in his words was striking a match within Izuku and Shouto had to go further. 

 

Izuku meant too much to him to just waste away.

 

"I know you and I know how stubborn you can be. It's your life and you're going to make the most of it because that stupid disease can't take that choice away from you" Shouto was nearly pleading at that point, having the premonition that something bad would happen if he can’t convince Izuku otherwise. 

 

Izuku gave a pause, "I almost... s-something like t-that to you.. long ago".

 

He looked back at the camera, eyes shining with tears, and Shouto could see a glint of hope in Izuku's eyes that made him sag in relief. 

 

"I t-think," Izuku said, not making a move to hide the tears on his face, "Maybe .. you have a p-point".

 

Cheeks shining from the dull light of the moon, Izuku's face relaxed, "Next .. t-time it rains, we s-should have a dance".

 

Despite winter being well on its way, Shouto agreed to a plan that could never come to pass, "It's a date".

 

What’s another white lie if he won’t remember it?

 

---

 

In just a week, Izuku’s vocal cords had deteriorated past the point of speech and the man had clearly become more depressed. Since the doctors had deemed his condition incurable, Izuku was transferred into the care of a hospice. The original facility he would have been assigned to would have been covered by insurance, but Shouto had done his research and the reviews were horrible.

 

In the simplest terms, Shouto fought and argued with the hospital until they agreed to send Izuku to a higher quality hospice under the agreement that the extra fees would be paid out of pocket. The Gene and Irene Wockner Hospice Center was what it was called and Shouto had to scout it out beforehand just to make sure it was perfect.

 

There were no second guesses when Shouto agreed and it was all worth it when Inko cried out of thanks. To ease her worries, Shouto assured the mother that he would visit Izuku at least three times a week; whether it was to read to him or just to visit. 

 

With a leatherbound book underneath one arm and a vase of roses in his other hand, Shouto passed through the halls of the hospice nervously. No matter how many times he visited, each time was more nerve-wracking than the last even though, as a nurse, he was well oriented with the sickly atmosphere. A familiar nurse with long green hair, Tsuyu, the name tag read, who normally cared for Izuku stopped the man with a smile.

 

“Good morning Mr. Todoroki,” She chirped happily, “I think Izuku is excited to see you”.

 

Faltering slightly from the overwhelming amount of happiness in her tone, Shouto offered the woman an awkward reply, “Uh, that’s great. I’m there to read him a book”. 

 

He held up the book as if the offering will somehow make him more acceptable in the nurse’s eyes.

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Tsuyu exclaimed as she clasped her hands in front of her stomach, “We moved him to room 32 down that hallway due to his spastic fits getting a bit bad during the night but Inko has been informed,”.

 

Tucking the book back underneath his arm and shifting the vase of roses, Shouto nodded his thanks and moved on his way. The nurses at that hospice were nice enough, he supposed, but it didn’t mean that he had to feel comfortable talking to them. After taking a left at the junction, Shouto stopped outside of room 32 with a warm smile. 

 

Shouto caught himself in the act and inwardly rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, “What have you become?”. 

 

They had specifically chosen that hospice because they take great pride in their patient’s privacy and wellbeing. In order to enter a patient’s room, unless one had a key like every nurse and selected people, you always have to have the patient press the button on their remote that unlocks the door for thirty seconds. Only then could someone enter a room. 

 

He knocked on the wood politely before taking the key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. After hearing the click of the lock, Shouto turned the handle and pulled the door out. Swiftly he shut the door behind him, like every time, due to Izuku’s paranoia of strangers. Shouto was saddened to see Izuku so fearful of other people in the hospice but nobody could fault him for it. 

 

“ I’d hate to be defenseless in a strange place, ” Shouto thought to himself. 

 

Pushing away any stray thoughts, Shouto walked further into the room then rushed forward as he noticed Izuku struggling to reach for the remote. He put down his belongings and handed the bed’s remote to Izuku, who responded with the biggest smile he could muster.

 

When Shouto took a minute to actually study his friend, his heart dropped. Izuku looked like a skeleton who could blow away like dust with a strong breeze. The last time he came, Izuku was 98 pounds. He looked thinner now.

 

Izuku pressed the button to push up the back of the bed and the machinery whirred to life. His hands shot forward spastically and the remote went flying from his hand. Luckily Shouto caught it before it fell and the horror on Izuku's face bled away into relief.

 

 Trying to move as little as possible, Izuku made grabby hands for roses Shouto brought. It was his favorite thing to watch Izuku touch the petals and protruding designs on the vases with childlike wonder; the intricate visual designs helping his motor skills that had declined. 

 

Shouto took the vase from Izuku's grasp once he gave a satisfied nod and sat down in the chair next to him, "You like fantasy so I brought ‘The Lord of the Rings’ so sit tight and let me know if you need anything".

 

Izuku smiled excitedly and leaned back into his mattress to get comfortable. There was a moment where Shouto had to pause because Izuku spazzed so violently that the bed rattled. Once the involuntary movement passed, Izuku sighed in exasperation. Each time it happened, which was around twice every ten minutes, hegot incredibly exhausted so Shouto had to watch him carefully.

 

With a small smile, Shouto opened the leather covering and began to read softly so as not to disturb the other patients, "When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that…"

 

Shouto didn’t see Izuku hesitantly reaching out only to retract his hand shakily back to his side. He didn’t see the affectionate light shining in Izuku's eyes. He didn’t see the letter left in the bedside table's drawer. Shouto didn’t even see the times Izuku would mouth words at him in frustration, desperately trying to convey his thoughts.

 

In retrospect, Shouto could see how much he missed in moments that he’s never even considered before. Every laugh, every smile, every struggle, and every tear was brushed over and forgotten. 

 

Those became his greatest regrets. 

 

---

 

As Shouto pushed Izuku through the garden in his wheelchair, a heavier chill than normal blew past them and he shrugged off his jacket and placed it on Izuku’s lap. There was a large knitted blanket from Fuyumi on his shoulders but he was frail enough that the chill could seep through. 

 

A few months ago, towards the beginning of their friendship, Shouto had confessed to Fuyumi that he made a friend. The woman was so ecstatic that she began sending Izuku mass amounts of gifts to thank him. Izuku said it was sweet and even sent handwritten thank you letters back each time. 

 

Even in the biting chill, the large garden held four different gorgeous sections. Each time Shouto took Izuku outside, they went in a clockwise direction starting with the flowers. If they didn’t do so in that exact order, it upset him so severely that he had to be taken back inside. Shouto loathed seeing his friend so enraged so he quickly adopted Izuku’s routine. 

 

For the upcoming winter, the gardeners had planted snowdrops which had sparked a light in Izuku. Every time they came outside, Izuku would stop Shouto and stare at them for sometimes hours on end. 

 

Snowdrops are his favorite flowers, aren’t they?

 

A small sense of satisfaction spread through Shouto’s chest at remembering Izuku’s favorite flower, regardless of how small the accomplishment was. Although he couldn’t confirm it, the way Izuku was studying the flowers was enough evidence. 

 

Although Izuku couldn’t speak, he could make a few noises of either approval or disapproval. As he looked downwards at the snowdrops, Izuku made clicking sounds as if summoning an animal. 

 

The snowdrops were beautiful but they weren’t animals that Izuku could call over. In confusion, Shouto glanced down to his line of sight to search for anything he could be calling. He didn’t want anything jumping on him, Izuku was too sick for that, but there was nothing there and he looked back to Izuku worriedly. 

 

“Izuku? What are you calling?” Shouto asked apprehensively. 

 

At his words, Izuku wilted and pulled his hand back sadly. His body slumped in the wheelchair depressively and he refused to look at the flowers. Then Shouto understood and the realization made his heart ache. 

 

Another hallucination, they’re getting more frequent. 

 

Quickly, he moved Izuku away from the area and into another section of the garden that held the large Maple and Larch trees. These trees seemed to be Izuku’s favorite in the fall time due to their vibrant red and orange leaves that were almost all gone. While the trees were bare, the path was covered. The crunching of the leaves beneath the wheelchair seemed to make Izuku smile. 

 

Although Shouto hated how quickly Izuku forgot, it helped keep him from getting upset at small things. Already he’d forgotten about the animal he’d hallucinated and was looking around at the vibrant hues. But, once again, he began to make clicking noises at the bush to his right with excited chatter. 

 

With a heavy heart, Shouto placed a comforting hand on Izuku’s shoulder and led him away once more. With that came the realization that, even though Izuku wouldn’t remember, he would. 

 

Shouto hung his head and pushed forward, “Lets go look at the snowdrops”.

 

---

 

After checking Izuku's vitals, Tsuyu looked up, “Sorry to ask this, but it’s the 27th of October correct?".

 

With a glance down on his phone, Shouto nodded mindlessly, “Yes”. 

 

“Alright!” Tsuyu chirped, and Shouto was tempted to ask her out of the room due to the overwhelming happiness, “His blood oxygen saturation is very low today, likely due to the pneumonia, so we’ll have to keep a closer eye on him. His BP is incredibly high, 190/90-95 mm with a heart rate of 85/min so that’s also something we’ll have to keep an eye on. If anything happens don’t hesitate to call me”. 

 

"I’ll be there for a few hours so he should be okay until then", Shouto sighed, chewing on his bottom lip as a form of comfort, “How much does he weigh again?”

 

"Last we checked it was around 82 lbs, but considering how slowly it’s progressing it is actually a very good number” Tsuyu responded quietly, probably hoping to be of comfort.

 

Shouto’s face twisted in displeasure but he understood where she was coming from, he was a nurse after all, "Yes, I'm sure it's all fine".

 

Tsuyu nodded in agreement but her face fell shortly after, "I'd say that by the beginning of November will be it".

 

Shouto was too scared to hear that. It was terrifying. So, not making eye contact with Izuku, despite knowing it made him feel left out, Shouto waves her away. There were no hard feelings and Tsuyu walked away with an understanding, sympathetic look. 

 

There was a moment of silence before Shouto started reading once more. Shouto couldn’t tell if Izuku was truly listening to him read yet he kept going anyway. Something seemed to be bothering Izuku but Shouto knew that asking when Izuku could give no response would likely be frustrating. He took a break to take a sip of water and to glance at the digital clock on Izuku’s bedside. 

 

“ 2:23 ”, it read and silently Shouto began to make plans for dinner. 

 

The sun shone brightly through the window, and the dust particles danced whimsically in the air as Shouto flipped the page. He was gradually becoming more animated in his storytelling and it was clear to see that that was his favorite book. Shouto was so immersed in reading that he didn't even notice the soft look Izuku was giving him. 

 

"And so Frodo-" Shouto cut off his reading of the Lord of the Rings when out of the corner of his eye, he saw Izuku shakily attempt to reach his hand out towards Shouto, "Is everything okay? Do you need a nurse?".

 

A blinding smile grew across Izuku's face, with a hint of something so tender it made Shouto's heart ache. Izuku shook his head affectionately and reached for the hand that held the leather-bound book. Obediently, Shouto took Izuku's hand and brushed his thumb over the frail skin and fragile bone worriedly. 

 

Unable to speak his thoughts, three times Izuku squeezed his hand and on the last repetition he held on with all his might, which held little power. For a moment, Shouto was confused but then the memory of Inko and her childhood story came back to him and he covered his mouth with his free hand. 

 

Love. Izuku loves him.

 

It was surprising and overwhelming and Shouto didn't know how to respond. Except he did know. He'd known for a long time. It had come so naturally, it was as if they'd known each other for years.

 

“I love you too Izuku” Shouto responded, voice cracking from the overwhelming happiness within him. 

 

With that phrase, all the tension left Izuku’s shoulders and tears of happiness began to roll down his cheeks. Gently, he reached up to wipe away the tears. It hurt knowing that Izuku was scared of his response but he also knew the type of person he looked to be. 

 

It was a dead-end street, this Shouto knew, yet Izuku had seen the ugliest parts of him and loved him regardless. Without a clue of how or when, Shouto, the secluded, emotionless, and seemingly unloving, had fallen in love.

 

"Izuku" Shouto started, "I hope you always dream of life. That’s what you deserve"

 

Izuku was smiling the biggest smile Shouto had seen in weeks and love was filling his heart and head. 

 

In the next moment, anxiety sputtered out the flame of joy because Izuku began to wheeze and a deathly cough rattled his lungs. Assuming it was just another coughing fit, Shouto sat there and rubbed his back in comfort. The first time it occurred he was scared beyond belief but now, despite still having those same worries, he knew better than to leave Izuku alone. 

 

He despised how helpless he was to help Izuku despite being a nurse. There was nothing Shouto could do to ease his pain and he desperately tried to keep the gloom from overshadowing the events from earlier but it was getting harder the longer Izuku suffered before him.

 

Suddenly Izuku stopped coughing and collapsed heavily back onto his pillows, letting Shouto sigh in relief. The relief lasted no more than a few seconds and fear filled the gap.

 

The steady pulse of the monitor dropped to a flat line as Izuku went quiet and Shouto stared at the screen in shock.

 

"Izuku?" Shouto leaned forward to gently prod at his shoulders but there was no reaction. 

 

Izuku's eyes were open and unseeing as the light slowly faded away from the green irises; the smile on his lips contrastingly gentle and unwavering to the dull look in his eyes. If Shouto focused elsewhere, he could almost pretend that Izuku was just taking a moment to sit and enjoy the silence peacefully. 

 

Shouto’s voice cracks unsteadily as the book tumbles from his lap and he releases Izuku’s hand in favor of caressing his cheek, “Izuku, you can’t nap right now. You can’t”. 

 

His fingers trailed down the length of Izuku’s neck and pressed slightly where the vein was in hopes of some form of life. There was no pulse beneath Shouto’s fingertips and his breath caught in his throat.

 

No… this is a mistake. It has to be

 

“You’re okay, you’re okay…” Shouto's voice warbled, “I’m right there but you have to wake up”. 

 

Frantically his other arm reached for Izuku’s wrist in a desperate attempt to feel some sort of beating beneath his skin. But when he pressed down he received nothing. 

 

Already the skin was becoming cold beneath Shouto’s palm and he snatched his hand back as if he’d been burned. He didn’t want to feel the sensation of life leaving Izuku’s body. 

 

Shouto barely registered the sound of the door slamming open and nurses running in; all he could do was stare at Izuku’s face as the color drained away. Only when gloved hands settled on his shoulders did reality seep in and horror crept up Shouto's spine. 

 

“No,” Shouto whispered in fear, almost unaware that he was speaking, “No, wake up. Wake up! ” 

 

Easily enough he shrugged off the hands pulling him, and Shouto lunged across the bed to wrap his arms around Izuku. If he let these strangers touch him, they’d take him away forever. Frozen with a smile, Izuku’s face haunted him and Shouto could hardly breathe.

 

“You have to wake up. Come on Izuku, please! Come on, you promised you’d see the rain again” Shouto’s voice cracked painfully as he pleaded pitifully, head hung low in regret. 

 

“Sir,” Tsuyu hesitantly inched closer, knowing that she’s the only nurse that Shouto trusted in this godforsaken hospice, “I’m sorry but Izuku is gone”. 

 

The woman knelt down to place herself in Shouto's line of sight, moving as if Shouto were a wounded animal, and Shouto lurched as he recognized the guilt in her eyes, “It was time for him to go”.

 

Tears streamed down Shouto’s cheeks and branded a trail into the skin they’d burned. With each tear that fell, he fell even further. He cried without knowing why. He cried for everything that Izuku could have been but never was. 

 

He shook his head, forcing disbelief onto himself “Izuku is okay. He’s just sleeping”.

 

The body beside him moved limply as Shouto wrapped his arms around the stone-cold waist and tucked Izuku’s head into his arm. If he stopped touching him, it would make it real. If he were to walk away, he’d never allow himself to look back. 

 

“Sir-” Tsuyu started hesitantly.

 

“Please,” Shouto said quietly, voice hoarse with emotion, “Just let me have this ”.

 

The nurses shared a look with one another and respectfully took a step back. It almost made Shouto furious, the pitying looks on their faces, but he wouldn’t taint this moment with anger.

 

Looking down at the glassy green eyes, for a second Shouto swore that he saw a flicker of life but in the next moment dread filled him. Almost as if Shouto’s heart had stopped beating, he wished it had, the world went silent around him and the fog lifted. It was almost peaceful as Shouto sat there with Izuku in his arms and he never wanted to let go.

 

But then reality came crashing down upon him like a tidal wave. Devastation weighed down on Shouto in that instant. The feeling was surreal. No words could serve to explain the tsunami of emotions that overtook him. The pain seared itself into his soul, rendering him speechless to a point where he no longer knew what words were.

 

A sob wrenched its way out from Shouto’s throat.

 

He had desperately tried to hold it in. Tried so hard to keep himself together, but Shouto knew he was too weak to pull such a bluff in front of people who knew him so well. Once the second sob had left him, he felt himself spiraling. There was no hiding it. He was undone.

 

Shouto’s body jerked with each sob that was torn from him, his frame curling to bring him closer. He held his face against the corpse's neck, just beneath the jawline, breathing in all that was left of Izuku. The attempt to memorize the scent of Izuku was poor, for it was already fading. 

 

With each passing second, Shouto fell further apart as hot tears slid past his face and down Izuku’s smiling cheeks. There was no coming back from this and he clutched at Izuku tighter as if that would bring him back. 

 

Many years ago, he’d read a story about how a dying woman saw her life flash before her eyes moments before she was revived. With a shaky breath, Shouto prayed to a god that he didn’t believe in that Izuku saw him at that moment. 

 

“I’m sorry Izuku” Shouto sobbed out, body heaving so massively he feared that he’d break, “You deserved more than this world could give you”.

 

His shoulders were still shaking and with every second that passed, Shouto wanted to fall apart. If he let go of Izuku now, he would never be able to hold him again. And that realization broke him. 

 

“Please don’t leave me” Shouto cried out, voice quieting to a whisper. 

 

Shouto didn’t want Izuku to leave, but he was already gone. Tsu was awkwardly standing beside his grieving man and Shouto hated how vulnerable that moment was.

 

And with that, the man gently climbed off the bed with an ache in his heart and laid Izuku back down with a care he’d never shown anyone, only stopping to leave a whisper of a kiss on his forehead and push his eyelids shut with a shaky hand. Shouto could hardly find it in himself to pull away.

 

“Take care of him, please,” Shouto asked numbly as he took a trembling step towards the door. 

 

As he began to leave, the ornate glass of roses Shouto had bought a few days ago caught his eye. Furious and guilt-ridden for being helpless to heal Izuku, a ragged scream tore itself from Shouto's lips as he hurled the vase at the bare wall. 

 

The vase exploded in a deafening shattering that sent the millions of tiny glass particles skittering across the tile. Nobody moved to stop him from leaving the room or to reprimand him for the broken glass and he was thankful for that. The sound of shattering glass did nothing to sober his mind or to free him from the reality of the situation. 

 

Shouto wanted to strike the walls like that day Izuku was condemned to death. He wanted so badly to see his knuckles bleed from the impact, to see the plaster crumble to dust around his fist, to see that the hurt was too worn out to the sting, to see the guilt from the beat of his heart cease to be. 

 

Shouto just wanted it to stop hurting but, in reality, he just wanted to see Izuku one last time.

And so, as soon as Shouto left the room, he collapsed to his knees and let out a wail so heartbroken that the families of patients glanced outside of their rooms in worry. He needed to fix everything but there was nothing to fix.

 

There was no breath inside Izuku’s lungs and no beating inside his chest. Even now the memory of Izuku was foggy.

 

Shouto couldn’t fix a dead man. 

 

---

 

The moon shone brightly on Shouto’s face yet the stars were dim. In the silence that Shouto’s sits in, he could almost pretend that Izuku was speaking. The night was quiet and the clouds were clear enough that he could speak to the moon as if it were Izuku. They’d been talking for quite a while and Shouto knew that if anyone were to see him, they’d label him crazy and ship him off to a psych ward. 

 

“ I miss you,” The voice said and Shouto looked up at the moon almost hopefully. 

 

“I miss you too Izuku” Shouto responded sadly, knowing that the voice he heard was his own.

 

It’s comforting to speak to the moon as if it were his friend. Shouto had always found solace in the stars but the brightest light in the night sky was the moon, so that was what he needed to speak to. 

 

The moon made for poor companionship, it was hardly a reminiscent idea of Izuku, and yet it was all he had. Shouto missed Izuku despite the fact he had only been gone for six hours, although that was the time it would hurt the most.

 

There were no tears in his eyes but there was blood on his knuckles. The walls in his home now needed repairing and Shouto couldn’t remember the last time he’d let himself go so freely in his anger. It was only the first night and he’d already lost control. 

 

“Please come back to me” Shouto cried out heartbrokenly, the waver in his voice loud amongst the cicadas, “I need you”.

 

“ I can’t come back” The moon responded wistfully, the faceless light taunting Shouto, “ You know this”. 

 

Shouto didn’t respond and instead dragged his nails down the asphalt tiles until they were rubbed a violent red that brought him a sick satisfaction. Although the pain didn’t inflict any sound reaction, it helped renew his mind. It hurt, that much was clear. 

 

With a raw sob, Shouto lifted his freshly wounded hands to his face. The tears streaming down his face were so hot he feared they would burn a trail into his face and scar his soul. With the second sob that wracked his body, Shouto fell apart. All he wanted was for Izuku to be there, to tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

 

But, Shouto wished, more than anything else, that he’d never fallen in love.  

 

Two weeks had passed since Izuku died and yet there was still a giant hole in his heart where Izuku was supposed to be. Shouto thought that the pain would have diminished by now yet it still hurt as much as it did that day. 

 

The t.v played a horrible sitcom in the background of the deafening silence and each time the laugh track sounded Shouto wants to scream. Finally, after yet another corny joke threatened his sanity, Shouto grabbed the remote in a fit of rage and slammed his thumb down on the power button. Silence overtook the room and he stared at the blank screen for a moment before deciding he’d rather listen to garbage than his own thoughts. 

 

A full plate of food sat beside Shouto on the living room table although he couldn’t remember the last time he got up to create sustenance. He was lucky his home wasn’t falling apart by the seams. All the blackout curtains were pulled shut tightly so he was unable to tell the time of day or how long he’s spent his days being a recluse. Turns out Jirou wasn’t that wrong about him after all 

 

After Shouto left the hospital, he called into work and used up every bit of vacation time he had. After all the years he’s worked at the hospital, he’s never once used a day off before so there was still a full week before he had to return. Shouto can’t stand to walk the hallways that he met Izuku, it would hurt too much. Luckily Shouta seemed to understand when Shouto explained over the phone that something had happened and he wouldn’t be coming in to work for a long while. It wasn't much of an explanation but somehow his boss understood.o

 

Remembering what had happened made Shouto fall apart and now all he wanted to do was lie down in the street and wait for something to happen.

 

Before he could retreat back into his depressive slump, a bright ding chimed through his house. Grumbling, Shouto wiped his eyes and pushed off from the couch to throw open the door. 

 

He stops short when a familiar pair of bright green eyes meet his and Shouto froze, “Izuku?”.

 

The world blurred for a moment as Shouto stumbled, likely due to dehydration, but he steadied himself when small hands reached out and a warm, sad smile greeted him, “Hello Shouto”.

 

“ God you’re stupid, of course, it wouldn’t be Izuku” Shouto felt disappointment replace the sliver of hope that had just grown. 

 

“Midoriya-san?” Shouto suddenly recognized the shorter woman and he internally berated himself for the clumsy mistake, “What were you doing here?”.

 

The sound of a crinkling bag stole his attention as Inko lifted the groceries in her hand and pated Shouto softly on his shoulder with the other, “Please, call me Inko. I came to check on you”. 

 

Shouto’s eyes water for a short second before he steeled his emotions and ran a hand through the unruly hair, “God Inko, I’m so sorry. I should have come to see you… Please, come in''.

 

The woman took a moment to study the mess then shake her head in understanding. Without waiting for directions, Inko stepped forward and let herself into the modernized kitchen. After placing the bag on the counter, she went around the entirety of the downstairs area and pulled back the curtains to let the light in. Shouto sighed and closed his eyes in acceptance as he waited for Inko to satisfy her desires. 

 

When Inko motioned for Shouto's help with a stuck curtain, he trudged forward slowly and began to assist in filling the room with sunlight. After they had pulled back all of the curtains, Inko made her way back into the kitchen. Since the white cabinets were designed for taller individuals, Inko had to reach on the tips of her toes to look into its contents. 

 

 "The funeral was eight days ago", Inko mentioned offhandedly after deeming a certain pot satisfactory and pulling it down from the shelf. 

 

She moved to the sink and began filling it with water, and then took a carton of chicken stock from her bag to add it to the mix. 

 

"I know,” he said in shame, trying to forget about the black letter sitting on his coffee table, “I didn't think I deserved to be there". 

 

Shouto winced as Inko nearly slammed the pot of water down onto the stove and didn't even bother to reprimand the older woman for almost scratching the high-quality appliance. 

 

A cutting board, knife, and a bundle of carrots were into Shouto's hands as Inko huffed, "Out of everyone in the world, you were the one he would have wanted there most. Now cut these damn carrots". 

 

"Yes, ma’am," Shouto said sorrowfully as he hung his head in shame and moved to dice the freshly washed carrots. 

 

The two stood in silence for a moment before Inko reached over to flip on the radio sitting atop the windowsill above the sink. A soft, familiar song filtered through the modernized kitchen and bathed the two in warm contentment. 

 

Shouto sighed a bit in relief, no longer as worried about having to suffer through his own thoughts. It was hard to focus on anything except the pain when he had to suffer in pure silence. 

 

"Shouto, you saw Izuku before he passed?” Inko asked randomly in a tone that was more telling than asking, throwing Shouto off guard.

 

"I did," Shouto responded carefully, not bothering to look up from his task.

 

"I remember seeing how frail he was. He'd lost so much weight I was terrified that he would wither away before the disease could take him" Inko muttered, seemingly an attempt to break the ice.

 

When Shouto did not speak, Inko took it as her cue to continue, "I hate myself for it, but I'm relieved he's gone".

 

Shouto whipped his head up and his eyes burned, from anger or sadness he didn't know, "You're relieved? ".

 

Inko smiled sadly and looked back down at her spices, "I know what you must think of me, how I must be a terrible mother to say she’s glad her child was dead. But Shouto dear, you must understand, it hurt more to see him dying than to see him dead. At least now I know he's safe and healthy".

 

Any residual anger drained out of Shouto and he returned to his task without a response. Shouto knew that after all Inko had done for him, she deserved one but he had never been good at words. Although he felt enraged hearing that she was relieved by her son’s passing, it wasn’t as if he didn’t relate. Izuku gave him more purpose in this cruel world but never in his life had he lived so stressfully 

 

Despite his extensive knowledge of cooking, it was taking him a lifetime to cut through the carrots. At first, he was frustrated by his inability but after a while, it became less of a chore and more of an escape.

 

A small sense of satisfaction washed over Shouto as he watched the gleaming knife cut smoothly through the carrots with ease. Working in tandem, Inko and Shouto each finished their own task while wordlessly passing each other materials when asked.

 

Out of the blue, in the dead silence save for the sounds of the kitchen, Inko hesitated before voicing her thoughts, “Was he happy?”.

 

Shouto paused, knife in hand, still poised above the cutting board ready to cut, and turned his gaze to the seemingly frail woman beside him. 

 

Sliding the spices over the counter to him, Inko did not raise her eyes to meet Shouto's, “When he died, was he happy?”.

 

Guilt stabbed Shouto's heart at those words, he'd nearly forgotten that others were suffering just like him, “He was”.

 

“Thank you” Inko choked out, dropping the spoon she had been stirring the soup with, and Shouto could tell she’d been holding it in for the sake of him, “Thank you so much… my baby".

 

Shouto refused to cry after everything that had happened, and honestly, he couldn’t, but his body shook in exertion as he reached out to pull Inko into a hug. Her frail form hugged back with fervor and Shouto could feel her tears staining his shirt. 

 

It was strange how two people could find comfort in those who had suffered in the same way.

 

After a few moments, Inko composed herself and pulled away, "I'll finish up cooking, go take a shower Shouto. It'll help wash away the hurt".

 

With a nod, Shouto patted her on the shoulder and turned around. His heart was still heavy and his eyes were dry, but having the mother of the man Shouto loved near him had a profound effect on his sadness. There was no room for happiness in his heart right now, not by a long shot, but the darkness seemed just a little bit brighter. 

 

By the time Shouto had finished his shower and gone downstairs, feeling lighter than he had in the last two weeks, Inko had left already and there was a letter sitting by a bowl of soup on the dining room table in her place. With trembling hands, Shouto picked up the letter and sat down in the wooden chair. Just by the first word, Shouto recognized Izuku's messy scrawl and nostalgia hit him like a truck. He prepared himself and began to read. 

 

Hello Shouto, 

 

I guess if you’re reading this letter, I’ve passed already. I wonder how it happened but I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. I'm writing that because I know I don't have much longer left before I lose my ability to speak and that is if I wimp out before I can tell you. I really hope I don’t wimp out, you deserve to hear that from me.

 

 But before that, I just want you to know that I was ready to go and I don't want you to be sad. It seems really condescending to assume how you’ll handle that but you deserve to be happy and have some closure from that situation. I know that death was a terrible thing and you’re probably really angry right now but don't let that define how you view life. It’ll be okay. I’m sorry I had to leave so soon after meeting the person of my dreams but at least you made my time left as perfect as it could be and I’ll forever be thankful for that.

 

Shouto, you're such an amazing and incredibly strong person and I know you'll be okay. I've known you for around 4 months and during that time I got to know that man who was caring, and brash, and sensitive, and never let me feel alone. I was so scared that I’d be alone in my final moments but because you’re here I know I won’t be. 

 

I believe you'll pull through and you don't know how much I want you to move on and be happy. Shouto, I love you. More than I've loved anyone else, other than my mom because moms are awesome. 

 

I remember that night when I asked you what's the point of living when I know I'm going to die and the answer you gave me made me so mad. But that's the thing, I don't need an answer. Everyone is born just to die, I just happen to have to go a bit earlier. I may not have much time left but I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you

 

It kind of hurts knowing that I’ll be gone and you’ll be here but that’s life sadly. I know it’ll be hard but I know you’ll be okay. Don’t be sad for me, I’m not sad. The hardest part of dying is leaving you. 

 

Love, Izuku

 

Unknowingly, Shouto's eyes began to fill with tears. There was a pure and burning hatred within him for how weak he was, how easy it was to cry, but Shouto could never resent Izuku for leaving him after all he’d suffered. Although he knew this, that knowledge didn't stop him from blaming himself. 

 

In the past few weeks, the only thought on his mind was “ I wish it were me who died”. Although Shouto knew that wishing for that made him selfish, he can’t help but place the blame on himself. There were so many things he could have done better, so many for things he could have done for Izuku.

 

Things always seem so much clearer in hindsight. 

 

When a drop of water spread across the paper, Shouto quickly wiped his tears and slid the letter far away from him. A second folded paper slid out from underneath the letter and Shouto picked it up in confusion and unfolded it. On the paper was the drawing of Shouto that Izuku drew all those months ago in the park

 

Nostalgia crashed over him and Shouto smiled for the first time in a long time. With a heavy heart and even heavier eyes, Shouto dropped his head on the table and let out a silent cry filled with all the pain he'd withheld. 

 

Remembering the good times hurt that much more than acknowledging the bad.

 

---

 

A sheen of sweat lined Shouto's neck and shoulders as he bolted upright, gasping for air. The burning sensation in his lungs lingered with the phantom felt of water that stole his breath. Even after Shouto had learned to love the rain, nightmares still plagued his sleep. 

 

Insomnia had been a part of his life for longer than he'd care to admit but it was easier when there was someone to call at night. Grumbling with a sigh laced with inconvenience, Shouto rolled over to grab his phone and speed-dialed Izuku in a moment of weakness. 

 

In the dark quiet room, the contrast of the bright screen and loud ringing were highlighted in bold. When the phone continued to ring he grew impatient and Shouto leaned back to get comfortable. When Izuku’s voicemail finally came through the speakers he remembered with a jolt. 

 

“ Hey, it’s Izuku Midoriya! Sorry I couldn’t get to you but I’ll try to call back lat- Down kitty no! Gah, Mr. Purrfect not the vase! *a crash sounds* No!”  

 

The voicemail ended with that and by the time the call ended due to inactivity, Shouto had silent tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt stupid and the wound was fresh once more. 

 

It’d been weeks since Shouto last heard Izuku’s voice and he clenched his fists hard enough for his nails to draw blood from his palms. He doubled over in pain and screamed angrily into the mattress. By the time Shouto released only a small amount of his anger, his throat was dry and rubbed raw. 

 

He needed a distraction and, like with everything else that goes wrong, alcohol was the only substitute for his happiness. The pain helped distract him and the dull buzz that vibrated in the back of his skull served as a constant mediator. 

 

Shouto rolled out of bed and began to walk to the fridge mindlessly. If he couldn’t accept it, he’d have to drink away the sorrow. The tile was cold beneath his feet but he hardly noticed it. It was hard to notice anything without hyper-focusing on the feelings within him. 

 

As soon as Shouto opened the door to the fridge to reach for the bottle of beer he knew was there, his hand met paper. In confusion, Shouto looked down to see a note atop a wrapped sandwich where his alcohol should have been. 

 

In Ochako’s crappy scrawl, it read, “ Don’t drink too much and don’t forget to eat. Love you! Call if you need anything :) ”. 

 

For a moment Shouto felt furious at his friend for attempting to control his actions and he hated that he’d allowed Ochako to have a spare key to his house. In a fit of rage, he crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the trash can. It bounced off the lip and rolled back to Shouto's feet. 

 

The rage dissipated from Shouto's chest for some reason and he bent down slowly to pick up the paper, placing it on the counter to smooth it out and stick it to the fridge with a magnet to serve as a reminder. Shouto pulled the sandwich out of the fridge, even though, with Ochako’s cooking skills, it was probably poisoned. But it’s more than he'd attempted to eat in a week. 

 

Shouto wiped away his tears and sat down heavily at the table. It was quiet and lonely but he took a bite regardless of that fact. The bread was stale and somehow she'd managed to put an overwhelming amount of cheese but the effort put a smile on his face. 

 

“I’m moving on, were you proud of me?” Shouto whispered out as he ate, hoping to heaven and hell that Izuku could hear him. 

 

---

 

Spring had come and the biting chill of Winter was slowly fading away. A white blossom curled, almost blooming, on the bush next to Shouto. As Mr. Purrfect sat next to him, just like that morning in the park all those months ago, Shouto sat on that same bench with the “Iliad and the Odyssey” open on his lap. The beautiful archway of trees had finally shed their dead leaves to grow a fresh batch of vibrant green colors.o

 

A small smile, hardly noticeable, grew on Shouto's lips as the Egyptian cat stretched out his body and let out a content murp. He turned his gaze back to the recycled pages and settled back into the wooden bench. For the next hour or so, Shouto and Mr. Purrfect lounged together on the bench until a falling flower distracted him from the book. 

 

Wrapping his light jacket around him tighter, Shouto shivered as a significantly strong gust of wind blew between the trees. After the wind faded, the already blooming flowers departed from their bush and swirled in a beautiful tornado across the dirt pathway. 

 

With an excited meow, Mr. Purrfect leapt off the bench ungracefully and face-planted onto the dirt path. All Shouto could do was stare in surprise at the horrendously clumsy cat and quirk the corners of his lips up. As the cat playfully swatted at the flowers energetically, pouncing from petal to petal, Shouto watched him bound from petal to petal fondly. 

 

It didn't take much to remind him of how much Mr. Purrfect was like Izuku; their uncoordinated footsteps, their unmeasurable ability to find joy in the smallest moments, and their beautifully vibrant green eyes. 

 

The smile slowly faded from his face as Izuku filled his thoughts. Here Shouto was smiling without a care in the world as he took Izuku’s cat to do the things Izuku would never be able to experience again. 

 

The recurring feeling of guilt squeezed at his heart and Shouto shut his book violently, stealing Mr. Purrfect’s attention from the flowers. The cat leapt onto his lap almost knowingly and headbutted Shouto's chin with the top of his head, looking up at him with wide eyes. Shouto snorted at the demanding feline’s clear request for attention and let the guilt wash away to savor the mellow moment.

 

“He wouldn’t want me to be sad forever, right?” Shouto wonders aloud sadly as he complies with Mr. Purrfect’s wish for pets, “It sounds horribly selfish to even think about moving on though…” 

 

A light touch of a hand on his shoulder startled Shouto out of his reverie and he whipped his head around to stare at an unfamiliar woman. Shouto stared at her in pure confusion as his body stiffened and he wrapped his arms around Mr. Purrfect protectively. She looked to be harmless but he wasn’t going to take the chance of giving someone easy access to one of the last living memories of Izuku. 

 

A mask covered her face but her honey-dipped eyes were soft and knowing, “I know that we are strangers but I happened to overhear your struggle. Feel free to disregard my advice but before you can even think about moving on, appreciate the time you had together and understand that happiness does not equal disrespect”. 

 

“Excuse me?” Shouto sputtered as the woman’s eyes crinkle in understanding and she turned to walk away, “Who are you to give me advice on something you know nothing about?”. 

 

Not even bothering to turn her gaze back to Shouto, she just gave a slight wave of her hand and offered a sad response, “A woman who lost someone she loved”.

 

After unfurling his arms from around the cat, Shouto sat in stunned silence. In the past months, Shouto had disregarded a nagging awareness that something was missing from his path of healing and that was it. That unwanted, unprompted piece of advice from a woman who could never have known what Shouto was suffering. 

 

Shouto leaned his head back on the top of the bench and laughed almost maniacally to the point where tears prick at his eyes, “What in the world was that?”. 

 

When Shouto finished his fit of mania, he glanced down to see Mr. Purrfect sitting on his lap with the most judgemental look he’d ever seen on anyone. Humans included. 

 

Shouto rubbed beneath the cat’s chin and smiled softly, “I guess it’s okay to feel happy”. 

 

While the pain was still fresh, the ache was dulling, and somewhere within Shouto, he knew that Izuku was proud. With no reason to believe that premonition, it should have been odd. But really it wasn’t. 

 

Izuku was everything good and pure in the world: he was morning dew on fresh-cut grass in the spring; he was the pure air that filled his lungs at the top of a mountain; he was the brightest star in the sky that guided his way, and he was all the Shouto had ever wanted. 

 

The memories hurt, but the hurt was good. Shouto felt as if he’d never truly move on, how could he? Who could move on after losing such a vital piece of their life? But Shouto lived without Izuku before, so he could learn to do it again. It wouldn’t be easy but nothing ever is. 

 

The wind blew softly against Shouto's face, touching it so gently he could almost pretend it had the warmth of another. It calmed him and allowed him to breathe through the nostalgia that painted his heart.

 

After giving himself a moment to collect himself, Shouto stood with Izuku's cat in his arms and began to head home.

 

---

 

A dull, copper-red painted the wilted petals of the roses Izuku loved so much. Despite Shouto bringing a fresh bouquet each week, every time he returned the petals had already wilted away. Heaving a great sigh, Shouto gently plucked the rotten bouquet from the ground and replaced the flowers for the final time. 

 

Unlike the shadows on the grave, the sun was shining brightly upon the granite headstone through the golden leaves of the maple trees. It was almost unfair how beautifully ethereal Izuku's grave appeared on the anniversary of his death. 

 

As much as Shouto wanted to be angry by the beauty, he couldn’t. A beautiful grave was what Izuku deserved and he will forever be making up for not attending his funeral. 

 

Life was cruel in that regard, leaving only the memory of the dead to rest within the minds of the living without so much as a hint of their existence. Truly, Shouto had a hatred for the beauty of the scene before him. Yet there was also a faint nostalgia.

 

He had come to realize that acknowledging the memories sometimes hurt much more than remembering the bad moments.

 

Too many hours had been spent on the shortcut grass telling Izuku about everything and nothing. Shouto couldn’t just leave that behind, it meant too much to him.

 

“Hello Izuku” His voice wavered far more than he would have liked but there wasn’t anybody around to hear his moment of weakness, “... I brought you flowers, the same kind as last time”. 

 

He ran his fingers through tangled hair and gave an exasperated sigh, “I just thought it would be fair to tell you that I’ll no longer be visiting so often. My therapist said it’ll be good for me, but I’m not so sure it will work out.

 

The red jacket, much too tight around his shoulders, that he'd stolen from Izuku’s closet had long ago lost the familiar scent of his beloved, leaving only the faint reminiscent idea of what was. Last year, after Izuku had died in Shouto arms, the following weeks were spent in front of that taunting stone, clutching the leather close like it was his only lifeline. 

 

In a sense, it was the only physical remembrance he had of Izuku. Of course, he had Inko, without that woman Shouto would have lost himself long ago, and Mr. Purrfect, but neither of them could he take home and find unjudging support. 

 

The beginning was hard, but it got easier. Despite that, Shouto could never forget or truly heal from that experience. How could one move on from the sole person who taught him to love? After years and years of living a dull existence, how could Shouto forget the shine Izuku brought?

 

"Izuku, if you can hear me" Shouto started, steeling his emotions, "You saved me from myself. The world didn't deserve you".

 

Death had stolen Izuku from Shouto's life long ago and with that, he knew that he needed to let go. Not of the person, but to the clinging to what could never be. Even now at night, Shouto would fantasize about what if. What if Izuku survived, the life they would have had together, whether or not they'd get another cat, or even how long they could have been together. But, even before it began, Shouto knew it was a dead-end street.

 

Maybe that's why it had hurt him so much.

 

Pain like no other had plagued his heart and mind for days on end in anticipation of this moment, but that was life. The moments he cherished with Izuku were too few and far in between for his liking but, at the very least, they still existed within him. 

 

For a selfish moment, Shouto let himself feel all the regret and guilt about everything he’d done wrong and everything right he never did. As he glanced over the nostalgic scene, Shouto readied himself to leave and never look back. The man inhaled with frailty that he seldom allowed himself and weakly tried to smile to placate the soul of Izuku he knew was watching.

 

Shouto knew Izuku was there beyond a shadow of a doubt. Whether he was in the wind, in the twittering bluebird in the tree, or in the sunlight shining down. Izuku was always there. 

 

Similar to that fluttering wilted petal in the wind, with a note of finality and the drop of a judge's hammer, Shouto felt a drop of water fall down his cheek. Suddenly panic arose within him and he realized that he didn't want to let go. Only a year had inched by since the day that cursed monitor went flat and Shouto wasn't prepared to release the resentment, the anger, and the hurt. 

 

Of course, his friend would urge him to move on, to create a life he'd never be able to experience, but the meaning was lost without Izuku. Heart weighed down with the guilt of denying himself happiness, the man glanced at the rolling waves of white clouds against the cerulean skies and let out a sound so broken that Izuku could feel his pain from the next life.

 

"No, I'm not ready" Shouto cried out in anger and frustration, "Why now?"

 

A whisper in the wind, a heartbroken sound, graced his ears with a caress of his face, "You'll never be ready my love, but I can’t stay with you forever. The sun was shining for you, smile".

 

As the wind kissed his face, Izuku smiled. This Shouto knew. It was Izuku plain and simple, it always had been.

 

Shouto never would have survived without him.

 

At that moment, Shouto felt the loss as if the wound was fresh once more but, in the next second, despite the darkness on the surrounding grass, the shadows on the grave were shining just a bit brighter.

 

The graveyard had many granite headstones surrounding Izuku's and somehow that fact helped Shouto feel less alone in his suffering, knowing others had experienced the inner turmoil he lived in. 

 

Head tilted back in concession, a heavy ache in his chest, the once-proud man looked to the bright blue sky as tears flowed down his cheeks, "It's raining, Izuku". 

 

But it wasn't raining, not really. 

 

And with the last tear, Shouto turned away from the grave and looked down to see a patch of snowdrops littering the ground. He bent down to pick up the biggest one and stood back up again with a heavy sigh. 

 

Maybe I can press this in my book . 

 

And so, Shouto turned away from Izuku’s grave for the final time, with his heart on his sleeve and a snowdrop in his hand.