“Is Donghae home?” Hyukjae asked the boy’s mother once she opened the door.

The woman tried to offer him a smile, however, that didn’t look like a happy one, “He is, sweetie, but…”

Donghae’s mom looked at the ladder to the second floor, the one where the boy’s room was located, and sighed.

“Hasn’t come out yet?” Hyukjae asked. He didn’t sound surprised, but for sure sounded quite down with the news.

“I can’t even imagine what must’ve happened for him to act this way,” the woman said. “He refuses to tell us, I hoped he will want to tell you at least since you’re besties, but…”

But yeah, Donghae didn’t tell Hyukjae.

He didn’t tell anyone.

That day when he was supposed to get his spirit animal, the boy didn’t warn them where to wait for him. Hyukjae could predict his friend was the one to need a little more attention than he could allow himself to ask for, so he was ready to look for the guy just to greet him the moment he comes back. With his wolves it’d be easy to do since they’ve memorized the boy’s scent very well. But he also didn’t want to spoil the moment, that’s why the guy decided to wait as long as he could and let his friend enjoy the process. He hoped the boy will love it.

All excited, Hyukjae took the present he’s been preparing thoroughly for a few months. He knew that, despite everything, Donghae really liked cute and sentimental things, so he asked the pack to help him a little. They’ve been running around for a few months, helping the guy to collect various flowers one couldn’t find in their village. They never touched the rare ones to not make them disappear, but were all in for those that simply were hard to get because they grew far from the village or something.

And Hyukjae has prepared herbarium for Donghae. He once went to the city only to find a book, technically it was an album, but it looked like a book with solid cover and empty pictures. There was a possibility to write something on the cover, just like inside. And Hyukjae decided it was perfect.

Day by day, he’s been asking the wolves’ help in search for different flowers. It wasn’t that easy to do because to wolves, all seemed equally useless. They dismissed the idea when the guy first asked them, but then they’ve met Donghae.

And uncle Muyeol was right, they did consider the boy Hyukjae’s mate.

If you asked the guy when it started, he’d probably say he’s always felt like that towards Donghae, it’s just that it took him a while to get mature enough and realize that what he felt was far beyond friendship, way more than simple adoration and, of course, so much deeper than the bond most of people shared.

He never knew whether they’ll become soulmates thanks to their spirit animals, but he already felt like they were. Since the very beginning, since they were born. After all… Hyukjae didn’t manage to last long without Donghae, and a person whom he’ll call the best friend was soon born to accompany him throughout a lifetime.

Donghae was much more than a friend, more than his beloved one even, he was a family. They grew up together, they were doing everything together since the first day they’ve met. And Hyukjae, he…

He couldn’t imagine himself being in love with someone else. Never. God knows how many times he tried to forget about those feelings; not because it felt wrong to love a guy, but because it felt wrong to love a friend. He wasn’t sure Donghae will like him back, and Hyukjae was a little too anxious to even assume what will follow if he’ll get rejected; he didn’t want their friendship to end like this, to end because of his unwanted feelings.

That’s why he’s been waiting. But everything has its end, and the guy decided that maybe the wait had to end as well.

That’s how he planned this gift. Maybe it would’ve been better if he knew the language of flowers – something his grandma was trying to teach him since childhood but he didn’t pay attention – but Hyukjae didn’t want to make it more complex than it has to be. Instead, he wanted to add some sincerity because he knew that was what Donghae will like even more.

That’s why, instead of asking what each flower meant, he’s been putting them in the album and writing down why the little thing about the flowers that reminded him about Donghae.

He didn’t know most of the flowers that were there, the wolves surely didn’t know as well. But they decided to help Hyukjae to impress his so-called mate, that’s why even those animals that weren’t supposed to understand something as complex as feelings were trying to help him out.

The first flower Hyukjae put in there was tiny and very pretty; with yellow petals and sweet scent. A little wolf, a total pup, found it during a small walk with his mommy and indicated that the flower smelled just like Hyukjae’s mate.

And indeed. The scent was not too flower-ish if that even made sense, it was really sweet and even refreshing. Totally like Donghae. Hyukjae wrote that down, making the first beautiful note in the album.

The second flower was found by him; big and white. Looking so innocent and beautiful at the same time, it reminded him of Donghae’s eyes. That’s how the second note appeared.

The third one was from wolves again. They said it looked like Donghae. The flower looked fragile, however, they struggled to grab it as it was strong and didn’t want to give up like that. Hyukjae thought it was beautiful. And totally like Donghae as well.

One by one, they were finding more and more flowers, until the album was full and ready to be presented as a gift. Hyukjae was so excited. He picked the prettiest wrapping he only could find during his journey to the city – and Donghae pouted a lot when he discovered his bestie wanted to go there alone – and was just so proud of what he’s done.

He couldn’t wait until the moment he’ll give it to Donghae. He went to look for his friend, a smile on his face, he was hoping to make the boy even happier if that was possible. And maybe, just maybe… the said boy could make him just as happy if he said yes to the question he wrote at the very end of the album?

There was a beautiful bright red flower placed on the last page. And Hyukjae’s caption, “This flower reminds me of love. Why did I think about you then? Because I love you. And how do you feel about that?”

The caption was so simple, but also cheesy. Hyukjae was sure Donghae will love it. If he has the same feelings, of course. But if Donghae treated him as a friend only…

Well, he can always say he loves him just like a friend too, right? Hyukjae hoped so at least.

With shaky hands, he grabbed the present he’s been preparing so thoroughly and with so many good thoughts, and went to wait for Donghae near his house. Hyukjae wasn’t afraid to look weird; it was the boy’s birthday, after all, and he was sure no one will start suspecting anything just by looking at his present… at least he hoped so.

Hyukjae came to Donghae’s house, and the boy’s mom greeted him with smiles and cheers and invited to wait for her son inside, saying he must come back soon because it’s been a while since he left.

But he didn’t. Not one hour later, not two and not even five hours later until it became the late evening, and Donghae’s whole family along with Hyukjae made it out of the house and were looking around in a worry.

“Maybe he’s playing with his animals?” Donghwa tried. “It’s so like him to forget about time and do that.”

“I hope so…” the boys’ mom muttered, and her husband had to hug the woman.

“Nothing bad happened to anyone on a day of meeting their spirit animal,” he said. “Let’s just wait a little longer. But I’ve asked the lizards to look for him already… just to make sure.”

Hyukjae could only keep looking around, feeling how the urge to protect rose in his chest. Humans didn’t pick any habits from their spirit animals, but let’s not forget that every person was alike to the said animals. And it was only natural for him to feel all worried and preoccupied, to have that need to go and look for Donghae now. To make sure he wasn’t in danger. To know he’s fine.

He made a promise to himself. If the boy won’t come back before it’s dark, he won’t wait for Donghae’s fathers’ lizards and will go to look for him with the wolves. It really was weird the boy didn’t come back yet.

However, Hyukjae didn’t really have to do anything like that. Because right before it got dark, when the last rays of sun were brightening the sky, Donghae’s figure showed up not far from their house.

Hyukjae was the first one to see him, to sense him. To know that there the boy was – on his way home.

A smile appeared on the older guy’s face when he turned around and saw his best friend. Hyukjae’s hands squeezed the present tighter unknowingly; of course he didn’t let go of it in hopes to give it to the birthday boy.

But the said boy seemed to be not in the mood to receive any kind of present.

Hyukjae’s smile faded the moment he saw Donghae’s expression; he looked upset and even… seemed to be crying?

“Hae?..” he tried, and that’s when the younger’s family noticed their boy came back home finally.

“Donghae!” his mom yelled louder, and Donghae shivered, then lifted his eyes that were previously locked on the ground…

And froze on the spot once seeing his friend. Hyukjae tilted his head in confusion at such reaction and was about to ask what happened, but all the words stuck in his throat the moment he saw that tears appeared in Donghae’s eyes once again.

There was one thing he couldn’t stand in this world, and that thing happened to be Donghae’s tears. Whether because he was upset or simply watched an emotional movie, the reason behind his tears didn’t matter – Hyukjae still couldn’t stand it when his friend was crying. Simply because he thought that face was made for smiles only and didn’t really know what to do when Donghae was crying.

The same thing happened to him now, and Hyukjae froze just like his friend, not knowing what to do or say.

Taking this opportunity, Donghae looked at his feet and, without saying anything else, mumbled, “I’ll go take a shower!”

Then, he stormed inside, and hasn’t told them what was his spirit animal. Until today.

Donghae locked himself in the room and barely was going out; mostly when he was sure no one could see him and ask about what happened. His parents kept trying to use food as a bait, yet he never came out when they were waiting for him, and as good parents, they couldn’t let their child starve, so his mom was leaving it under the boy’s door eventually. That’s how they didn’t really see each other these days, although living under the same roof. And they couldn’t really make him talk until today.

His parents didn’t want to be too pushy, yet their son didn’t react to any attempt to start the convo, so they were kind of facing difficulties. And every day Hyukjae was coming, he kept hearing the same words over and over again.

“Maybe I can try and talk to him?” he offered eventually. “I know he won’t come out of the room to greet me and refuses to talk even when you try to do it through the door… but I could try?”

Yes, the guy was quite confused – and maybe hurt even – due to his friend’s strange behavior, yet he couldn’t help but kept thinking he was going through something really terrible to act like this. Donghae, a literal sunshine, was so unapproachable… Hyukjae’s heart hurt whenever he was thinking about that. And he really, really wanted to help.

“I guess we could try,” the boy’s mom smiled. “Thank you, sweetie.”

Hyukjae smiled back and nodded, slowly making it into the house. He didn’t have to ask where the boy’s room was; he’s been there so many times, after all. However, it was the first time the guy was approaching it with such a heavy heart. And the feeling was becoming more suffocating the closer he was to the door of the said room.

And when he reached it, Hyukjae’s heart almost dropped, so he had to take a deep breath in and out to calm himself down and knock.

“Donghae?” he tried. “Donghae, it’s me. Hyukjae.”

He felt a little silly after adding his name. The boy knew his voice for sure, so there was no need to do that. But Hyukjae felt so awkward all of a sudden, he didn’t know what else to say.

And he felt even more awkward and silly when he didn’t get any reply.

“Donghae?” the guy tried once again. “Listen, I… don’t want to be pushy, but we all are really worried here. You acting like this without explaining anything, that’s…” He bit his lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I’m scolding you. But… it’d be nice if you at least said something? Like, how serious it is, when will we be able to talk… stuff like that…”

There was no reply. Hyukjae sighed and looked at the pretty packaging in his hands.

“I’ve a present for you,” he spoke, now voice sounded quieter. “Been trying to give it to you since your birthday, but had no opportunity to. I guess I could leave it under your door, but… it won’t make sense if I do. I really need to give it to you in person, you know? It’s… important for me.” Pause. Hyukjae took a little time to think well about what he was going to say next. “Maybe you don’t really want to talk about that because you don’t want others to hear? Or… you don’t want to talk about it at all? I’m fine with that! You don’t have to tell me anything and I promise I won’t ask, I just… want to see you. I miss you so much, Donghae.”

He couldn’t see that – of course he couldn’t – but inside that room, hidden under the blankets, was Donghae who kept listening to everything carefully. He was curled up on his bed, nothing but a ball of misery, tears in his eyes, but the moment he heard that gentle voice, the moment such words as ‘I miss you’ were spoken… he peeked out and looked at the door.

The urge to open it was strong, and he even sat on the bed, thinking whether to do it or not, but then the tiny noises in his head that were haunting him since the day he discovered his spirit animal became loud, and tears appeared in his eyes. The boy hid under the blanket all over again. But his heart ached.

Especially when he heard Hyukjae asking, “Weren’t you the one who kept repeating we’re soulmates? And even if we aren’t, you said you wanted to be together still… you don’t want to anymore?”

The guy on the other side of the door shook his head and added, “Sorry, like I said, I didn’t mean to be pushy, really, I just… I miss my friend. And I… I really want to give this present to you.” He sighed again. In spite of everything, a smile appeared on his face due to the memories. “So maybe… if you don’t want to talk about what happened to anyone and don’t feel like seeing your family, you could come to my house tonight? Just like we were doing when we had secrets from adults, how about that? I’ll be waiting for you tonight, okay? Doesn’t matter what time you decide to come, I won’t be asleep and will be waiting. And I won’t ask anything, I promise! Just want to give you the present and… yes. Just that, I guess.”

Donghae heard the change of his voice and peeked once again. Was Hyukjae… really upset? All because of him?

The boy opened his mouth and almost forced himself to speak and ask what was going on to his friend, but only shivered when the said friend spoke as he didn’t know Donghae was trying to do the same, “I’ll go. There’s no need to keep bothering you like this if you don’t feel like talking. But I really… really will be waiting, okay? Just come tonight. Please.”

He didn’t say anything else, and the boy could hear his footsteps and some noises from the lower floor – apparently his mom wanted to know whether Hyukjae managed to make her son speak.

Donghae bit his lower lip. He didn’t… didn’t want to make anyone upset. Didn’t want to make Hyukjae upset. He didn’t plan anything like this, didn’t think it’ll take him days to cope with everything, it’s just that… well…

He suddenly realized how oblivious he was to some things in this village, just like a lot of people were. Donghae wasn’t the only person whose spirit animal was, well, edible, but just… yeah.

The noises in his head. Tiny screams of fear and soft pleas to help. Those were the things he kept hearing from all over the village as there were some houses that kept bunnies. And the bunnies living there were so scared to be eaten soon…

Not only Donghae didn’t get the spirit animal he wanted, but the one he’s actually got was that kind of animal that could be harmed easily. And the boy just couldn’t stand it. He knew he had no say in this, there for sure were other people like him and they never complained, but…

He couldn’t. Couldn’t force himself to come out of the room, and moreover, to go outside. Because the noises were louder there, the fear of the said bunnies was unbearable. They were just tiny creatures that were scared something might happen to them… and that was so painful to know.

Again, he knew he wasn’t alone in it. His mom used to cry sometimes when she had to witness the birds dying. The squirrels Donghwa could talk to were haunted by other wild animals too, yet he never complained. And here was the boy, hiding in his room both because he couldn’t stand the fear of his spirit animals and because he was too embarrassed to admit it.

Was Donghae just… too soft to have any spirit animal then? It was nature. Even strong wolf could encounter another strong wolf and get killed. That was nature. He had to bear with it.

But he couldn’t. Couldn’t when the bunnies were so loud and so scared. But also…

The thing Hyukjae offered. It was something the two used to do when they were a little younger. Donghae would escape his house in the middle of the night – their village was just that peaceful that no one was worried about it – and come to Hyukjae’s house to play with him. The guy’s backyard was huge, way bigger than the one Donghae’s family had, so they loved spending time there, closer to the trees just to be hidden from the outer world. The boy loved it there… when there were just him and Hyukjae, sitting close to each other and doing stuffs…

Donghae felt a painful sting in his heart when he recalled the memories of them being together and Hyukjae’s words sounded in his head.

Weren’t you the one who kept repeating we’re soulmates? And even if we aren’t, you said you wanted to be together still… you don’t want to anymore?

Of course he wanted to! Even if they weren’t soulmates, more than anything Donghae wanted to spend some time with him. He missed Hyukjae, every day without his best friend felt like a nightmare… to the point the boy was getting weird thoughts.

Sometimes, he was waking up at night because one of the bunnies got scared and was pleading for help. Donghae also had nightmares because of such events, and the very first thought he had when waking up…

That was the thought of wanting Hyukjae to hug him. To calm him down. To tell him everything will be alright.

It was both natural and weird. Only when the boys were separated Donghae managed to understand just how close they were. He kept asking himself whether Heechul and Leeteuk were just like that too, and… the answer was no.

The boy kept telling himself it’s just because they were extremely close friends. But then again…