17 years ago

“I would like to welcome the Cosmos!” The mc announced as my heart was beating so loud it felt like my heart would jump out of my chest any second. 
 

The curtain opened as the spotlight shined on us girls. A year after training to be one of the six members was the biggest accomplishment I have have achieved in my life. I was very nervous knowing that this was the tipping point in my life that would determine what type of future I have and I was able to call myself an idol and not a trainee anymore.  As well, I can be someone to Jiyeon who she can be proud of too. 

I performed Pantomime, our title track along with a few other songs that was in our debut EP which I had been practising over the past year with my group so that our team work would be strong but considering that we were close to each other already, it didn’t matter. The company invested a lot in our group so we wanted to express our gratitude towards them by shining to the whole world that we were the Cosmics. 

The group consisted of Sojung or now known as Exy, her stage name and is our leader. Jiyeon, who is my girlfriend now, went by Bona as her stage name like Sojung with Xiao, Dawon and Luda. I must admit we make one good team as each member has their own strengths and weaknesses and we help fill up what we lack with our strengths and teach each other how to improve on those parts. 

The crowd was very loud and chanted for us, it was a moment that I would cherish forever as it was my first time performing with an actual crowd instead of teachers. I looked to the side to see my friends next to me with all their eyes sparkling. Our dreams came true and now we were here for the long ride. 

I could see Meiqi in the front row cheering for us which made me feel great as I had a friend on the side to support me. My parents couldn’t come as they were busy with work in China but showed how much they were proud of me and wished me all the best with everything to come.

I’m excited for this new chapter to come as it felt as if everything was perfect, with my dream coming true, my love for Jiyeon was stronger than ever and I knew she felt the same way. 

There were many times that… one of the members would catch us doing something together, whether it was kissing her secretly somewhere, hugging and holding hands. We’re always careful when it comes to any of the staff catching us because we weren’t allowed to date but of course, if you date smartly no one will catch you and it helps that we were still roommates. 

We made a pact among us all members to keep each other out of trouble no matter how ridiculous the excuse was. There was one time after a dancing class and Jiyeon and I thought it was safe to have a make out session to find out that one of the staff accidentally left something in the room and was about to enter the room when I heard Sojung making a loud ruckus outside the door to warn us so that we won’t get caught.

There were lots of fun times despite lots of expectations placed on us. I was nervous of course because I wasn’t sure if I would be loved as an idol. I wasn’t sure if I was enough but I always tried to remind myself that I’m always going to learn from all the experiences that I’ve encountered and be a better person as well as an artist. I just wanted to be a humble artist who could place smiles on people and make their life easier if I could when they went to watch me perform. 
 

Jiyeon and I had a serious discussion recently that we would put ourselves first before our relationship because we never know what would happen in the future, whether we would be married or find another person. I thought it was important to establish that as we were individuals before being in a relationship and we should respect all our career-based decisions. 
 

I just knew that I wanted t