i've been thinking about you. in random moments when my friends ask me about the things i regret, or about the people i never had a chance with. i think about you occasionally, when i happen to drive by beautiful sunsets and i stop to think, "why wasn't i more honest," 

perhaps if i was even just half as honest as you were in that moment, it wouldn't be eating me up this way from time to time. i'm stuck in a loop of "what if's" and it's driving me crazy every time you cross my mind. what if i took a chance with you, what if you pursued further than merely your honesty, what if we never stopped talking, and what if it wasn't just infatuation. it probably was, as you called it, yet i can't help but ask "what if?" 
 

i can't believe i realized it too late, the reason why it bothered me so much. you were a good man and yet i let you go twice. the first time i was naive and in love with a best friend who ended up hurting me. the second time because i wasn't honest and "went with the flow," and yet each time you clearly expressed your interest. i must be a dumb to not see a fine man when he is served hot on my table. god. 

now i wonder, what if i end up meeting you again? you know how they say "third time's a charm." i'm betting on that one. so here is me taking on that 1% chance we'd meet in different circumstances, when we'd hopefully get to know each other a lot more than the short, meaningful (at least for me) meetings we had in the past. 
 

and you may not be interested in me in the same way anymore, but perhaps i wanted a chance to express what i failed to relay when i had the chance to...

 

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