The room was dark and silent, it was like the lull before a storm. The air was heavy, making it almost impossible to breathe. A certain pair of eyes were fixated on me, waiting to finally see a movement or expecting me to say something. Jaebeom opened his mouth in an attempt to say something, but the words couldn't make it out.

"I'm sorry.", I finally mumbled. "It's my fault." 

The realisation came to mind. If it wasn't for me she would have been alive, probably practising for her comeback, doing what she loves the most. She would have been with her members and they would all be smiling and happy while having a great time. 

Jaebeom's worried expression changed into an almost angry one. The change was subtle, but the whole atmosphere in the room shifted. If I didn't know him so well, I would have never even guessed the change. I knew what was coming, he will say the same thing he always says, thinking it might help. 

"It's absolutely not your fault," he said, trying to reassure me. "You were just there by chance, it would have happened whether you were there or not." He paused and searched for my eyes. "Don't be too hard on yourself." 

“ You know nothing... “ the words left my mouth before I could realize, leaving him with painfully curious eyes. “I’m lost without her...” And then the first tear since her death left my eye. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”