"Will you marry me?"

A question I never knew would break my heart to pieces.

I always thought that question would always invoke emotions of joy, anticipation and glee.

That hearing you ask THE question in front of me would bring me tears of joy and happiness. 

I envisioned your charming self being a nervous wreck, on your knee as you summon all the courage in you to ask that while silently praying not to mess up and stutter. And me laughing and crying at the same time as I say yes. Then maybe kissing you right after as you try and engulf me in your embrace. 

At least that's how I imagined it would be when you pop THE question. 

Except, that's not what happened. 

Because at this very moment, all I am is hurt. 

But why am I feeling hurt right now? 

Right. 

Because you weren't asking me.

Because you, Kang Seulgi, are currently on your knee, asking a girl to be your wife while all of us are watching.

I prayed heavily at that moment. Calling all the gods in all religions. Pleading silently for her to turn you down. But I guess even gods take vacations too. When I saw her smile at you, I knew then I lost you.

"Yes! Yes I'll marry you, Kang Seulgi!" said the girl. Nodding fervently as if trying to wake up from a dream and disbelief. 

Shouts were deafening as people, mostly your friends and hers I supposed, cheered you on and hollered their congratulations on your success. 

While you, with shaking hands, took the ring from the little red velvet box and nervously put it on her finger hoping it was the correct one. 

With relief on your face because the ring was the perfect size, you smiled at her. The one with so much warmth, love and adoration. The smile you used to give me before. 

She cupped your cheeks and kissed you deeply. 

You replied with the the same intensity of kisses. 

While I felt my heart being torn apart. 

I couldn’t take the overflowing emotions within me. I tried to look for a place far away from the crowd, leaving the companion that brought me here. He even tried to stop me but to no avail.

I found myself grasping for air. I couldn’t breathe. I try to calm myself with deep breaths, and slowly releasing the air in my lungs.

Then I thought of you.

When we were together.

When we were in love.

When you were mine.

Then my selfishness.

In choosing my career over you.